A Second Chance

Prologue

“Mmm,” Xander purred into the cool mouth currently devouring his. When Spike leaned back and smirked down at his dark, glazed eyes and slightly dopey expression, he blinked slowly up at the vampire.

“What was that for?”

After grabbing the boy’s swollen lower lip in between his strong white teeth and tugging gently, Spike reluctantly rolled over to sit at the edge of the bed.

“Need a reason to snog you now, do I, luv?” he asked, standing and stretching, muscles rippling under pale skin. Padding naked over to his duster, he pawed through the pockets in search of his lighter, before glancing back at the bed and crooking a dark eyebrow in question.

Xander grinned and stretched his arms out above his head, wiggling around so that he was spread out on the dark sheets. It was rare when he had the bed all to himself.

“Well no, but if that was a prelude to anything else, I have to say you’ve worn me out for now, Spike. Not a vampire, here, us breathing-types need a break every now and then.”

Eyes heating up at the sight of his claimed writhing naked on his bed, arms above his head in a position of submission, Spike bit back a low moan and growled out, “Yeah, a pity, that.” Tearing his eyes away from the innocently erotic sight, he drew deeply on the just-lit fag, drawing the smoke deep into dead lungs, before letting it out in a slow stream towards the ceiling.

Under control again, he turned back to the dark haired teenager on the bed. No, not a teenager any longer, the boy had turned twenty a few days ago, he reminded himself. It didn’t help, though, Spike had a feeling he would always see the boy as the scrawny sixteen year old his sire had offered to him four years ago.

Has it really been four years?

It hadn’t been too very long after that day that he had taken Angel up on the false offer. After Dru had left him for another demon because he had helped send Angelus to Hell, he had kidnapped the whelp and the witch for a love spell to use on her.

Hadn’t ever gotten around to it, though. He had smelled the pheromones pouring off of the boy every time he had touched him and with just one real look into those puppy brown eyes, he had gotten lost in a different kind of love spell.

Truly sad how far down he had come since that day, but at least he had the boy. He could live with helping the Slayer, killing his own kind and reuniting with his ponce of a sire, as long as they let him keep Xander. He’d rather take the boy far away from the Hellmouth and the interfering, nosy humans but his claimed wouldn’t leave. Bloody noble child.

He had no business being with a human of such light and goodness, he knew it and so did everyone else. But though him and the boy had both fought it with every fiber of their beings, they had eventually given into their feelings and Spike couldn’t remember a time in his life, human or not, that he had been happier.

So he corrupted the boy a little, and let Xander try to convince him to work on the side of good. Compromise was good. Fuck, he had even went and gotten a soddin’ soul for the boy after he had almost took him by force once, during their often fiery and mercurial ‘courtship’.

Bloody nancy poof ‘m turnin’ into. There was no fire in the mental grumble, though, and Spike’s lips twitched as he watched his lover sprawl spread-eagled on the bed and curl his toes into the sheets. Such a puppy, he was.

A flicker of long dark eyelashes alerted him to the fact that his boy was watching Spike watch him. Through their bond, he could feel the slow heat building steadily up again in the human’s body and he bit back a smirk. Stubbing out the fag on the top of the dresser, he left it there and slowly, sinuously, stalked his way back to the bed.

Letting his eyelids drop heavily to partly shield his dark eyes, Xander could feel the pulse race in his neck with every prowling step his vampire took towards him. Muscles twitching, wanting to flee because something primitive in his mind screamed that Spike was the predator and he was the prey, he had to force himself to lie still.

He had run from Spike once, playfully, early on in the relationship, and the bruises had taken weeks to heal. Spike had been apologetic, climbing off of him and doctoring him up, but he had gotten a harsh scolding from the vampire afterwards.

He sure learned that lesson. No running from the demon, it just makes it attack.

Besides, it wasn’t like he actually wanted to run from Spike, not when the vampire did such delicious things to him.

By the time the blonde was crawling up the bed to cover him, his breath was coming in short pants and his cock had shown its renewed interest by hardening again, already leaking on his taut belly.

He arched up against the cool flesh that covered iron-hard muscles, as Spike pressed him down into the bed. His low voice purred into Xander’s ears, “Such a good boy, all ready and eager for me, aren’t you, pet? So,” a wet velvety lick along his neck, “Bloody,” another soft massaging lick, this time right over his claim mark and he whimpered. “Responsive,” the word purred right over that sensitive skin and Xander shuddered in need.

“Please, please,” he choked out, bending his neck even farther. Spike chuckled, a low and slightly evil sound. “But luv, I thought I had tired you out?”

Xander growled and bucked his hips, rubbing his erection against the vampire’s just as hard, but slightly cooler, one. Spike hissed at the sensation and shifted, his eyes glowing gold as he looked down at him. Whimpering, Xander pressed soft kisses over the now-familiar and loved planes of the demonic face and tilted his head back once again, baring his throat to his lover.

Unable to tease any longer, Spike brushed his fangs over the human’s warm, silken skin and sank them deep into the first marks he had made on his boy. He drew slowly, so slowly, on the wound, wanting to draw out the moment as long as he could. It was only a small taste, but it ran hot and wild through his veins, making him shudder in need.

The boy bucking under him, the hot pulsing erection grinding into his own hard, sensitive flesh, made his eyes roll back into his head. Through the bond, he could feel the almost agonizing pleasure that Xander was feeling from the bite, could feel the blood connecting them even further.

Distantly, he heard Xander’s hoarse moan as the boy came and felt the warmth on his belly. All of the erotic sensations combined and he felt his own body convulse against the sweaty body of his lover as his balls drew up, emptying his cool essence to mix with the boy’s.

Licking the small punctures closed, he purred, a low rumble, and flipped them so that Xander was lying on his lightly vibrating chest. Long, elegant fingers brushed the tangled black and sweaty hair back from the boy’s forehead, before he pressed a cool, soft kiss to the flushed skin there.

Xander’s pulse slowly started to wind down and he snuggled his chin in closer to the crook of his vampire’s neck. There was nowhere else he wanted to be and he wished that they could spend all day just as they were.

Even as he had the thought, though, he felt Spike sigh underneath him and he clung a little tighter, knowing they had to get up and get dressed any minute. The strong cool arms around him tightened a bit, then relaxed, and Spike shifted him so that he could get back out of the bed.

“Gotta run over to Peaches’ old place, he’s in town cuz his seer had some vision bout somethin’ and he wants me to look at a drawing to see if I recognize it. He called earlier while you were sleepin’,” he told Xander, as he reached for a towel to wipe the sticky mess off of his belly, then slipped into a pair of faded blue jeans.

Grimacing, Xander dropped his head onto the pillow and sighed. “So not going with you. He hates me and we always manage to piss each other off when we’re around each other more than five minutes.”

“He doesn’t hate you,” came the automatic answer.

“Does so, he gives me these looks. Evil looks,” he complained, flipping over on his belly so he could watch Spike move around the room. The blonde laughed and pulled a grey t-shirt over his head. It had taken Xander over two years to get his lover out of wearing nothing but black and red. Not that he hated those colors, Spike was beautiful in anything, but since Spike had taken over his wardrobe, he figured he had to get some payback somehow.

“Pet, Angel only has three expressions. Broody, annoyed and somewhere in between,” the vampire told him, walking back over to the bed to ruffle the messy black hair on his head. “Don’t care, still hate him. He always tries to separate us,” Xander mumbled, pouting up at Spike.

Spike sighed, getting annoyed with the old argument. “Oh, like your bleedin’ do-gooder friends don’t? No one is gonna separate us, luv. Stop worryin’ so much.” He smacked Xander on the ass and the boy yelped. “Get dressed, I wanna get back home sometime tonight.”

Spike grinned as he watched the dark haired boy grumble and sigh as he pulled on a pair of black jeans, boots and a dark blue button-up over a white t-shirt. Coming up behind him, the vampire wrapped his arms loosely around the boy’s waist, nuzzling his chin against the warm crook of Xander’s neck.

“You don’t have to go, pet. Just remember to not leave Giles’ without me, I don’t like you patrolling with those twits when I’m not there.”

Xander turned around in his arms and huffed out, “I’m not helpless, Spike. I’ve been killing demons for almost five years now, give me some credit.”

Narrowing his eyes at his human, Spike growled. “This isn’t negotiable, Xander. You aren’t a Slayer, a witch or a vampire and they all seem to forget that. They don’t look after you enough and ‘m just not bloody havin’ it.”

With a roll of his eyes, Xander pulled away and stalked towards the dresser to grab his comb and quickly brushed through the tangles in his hair. Throwing it back down, he snapped, “Yeah, yeah, Xander’s weak and helpless, I get it. Can we go now?”

A strong hand swung him around and cold, hard as steel fingers dug into his shoulders as he stared defiantly at the angry vampire. Golden eyes glared into his as Spike shook him lightly, growling out, “That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

Shoving Xander back a few steps, Spike reached for his duster and pulled it on, scowling. Sighing deeply, he closed his eyes and breathed in a slow, deliberate breath. His features human again, he turned back to the boy and caught him by the chin in a strong grip, murmuring gruffly, “Love ya, I do. Don’t want anythin’ to happen, is all.”

Xander sighed and nodded wearily, as fed up with the same weekly argument as Spike was. There just didn’t seem to be a compromise.

Following his lover out the front door of their apartment, the cool night air sneaking in underneath his new black leather jacket, Xander turned and locked the door. Spike smiled almost sadly at him, an apologetic yet obstinate look in his eyes before saying, “Be careful on the way to the Watcher’s. Should be there in a few hours.”

Throwing his hands up in exasperation, Xander groaned, “Spike, it’s only a block down! I promise I’ll make it in one piece.”

The blonde nodded, before turning to start off in the opposite direction, towards Angel’s old mansion. After a second’s hesitation, Xander ran a few steps after him. Grabbing him by the collar of the duster, feeling the cool leather bunch up in his fist, he whirled him around. He ignored the startled look on Spike’s face and brushed his lips over the vampire’s lightly, before deepening the kiss for a long moment, tongues delving and sliding against each other.

Stepping back, he smiled at the bemused expression he had caused and said softly, “Love you, too, Spike. See you in a few hours.” Turning, he jogged down the sidewalk, heading towards Giles’ house.

Spike stared after the boy until he turned the corner, then shook himself lightly and smiled as he turned and made his way to his sire’s.

---

“I just don’t understand why you’re still with him, Xander. I mean, you hated him just like we did, then one day you’re just shackin’ up. You weren’t even gay!”

Muttering under his breath, Xander closed the heavy book he was looking in and thumped his head down on the desk repeatedly. “We’ve had this conversation a million times, Buffy. I love him, and nothing you can say is going to change that.”

She rolled her eyes in exasperation and brushed a hand through her hair. “He’s a vampire…he’s evil and I should have dusted him years ago. I mean, how do you know he really loves you and isn’t just using you for something?”

Standing so quickly that he knocked his chair over, he whirled around to face her, eyes flashing with temper. “He went and got a soul for me, damn it. I would think that would prove it.”

“Yeah, after he practically raped you, Xander. Don’t forget we were all there afterwards, we saw how devastated you were,” she snapped back, and Willow finally looked up from the computer and made a small noise in her throat. “Buffy…” she started, but Xander pounded his fist on the desk and they both stared at him.

“Stop, just stop. It was three fucking years ago and he was going through a bad time. Deadboy did a whole lot worse to our group but he’s still trusted and allowed around. I’m sick of you guys treating Spike like he’s lower than dirt when all he does is help. So…stop,” he bit out, closing his eyes briefly before staring at them steadily.

They looked at him sadly a moment and he pushed down the guilt he felt for snapping at them; he was just sick of listening to it. In four years, nothing had changed their minds about Spike.

Finally, the girls looked briefly at each other and Buffy cleared her throat. “So, yeah. Let’s go patrol, we aren’t finding anything out about the baddy here.” Buffy and Willow stood, Willow walking to the couch to wake up Tara, and Xander bit his lip in indecision. He didn’t want to worry Spike but he also didn’t want to bring up that he wasn’t supposed to leave without him and start the whole conversation over again.

“Maybe we should stop by Angel’s, he or Spike might know something about it,” he finally suggested, and to his relief, they simply nodded. Buffy yelled into the kitchen and told Giles they were leaving and the Watcher walked back in, nodding absently.

“Since you’re heading over to Angel’s, I’ll walk with you. There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask him and I keep forgetting to call LA.”

---

Less than a block from Angel’s, the demon found them. None of them had seen it coming and Buffy hadn’t felt it approach, either.

Within minutes, it had knocked Willow almost unconscious by slamming her against the wall and kept dodging away from Buffy’s attacks. Tara shook her lover, trying to keep her awake. Giles was cursing softly as he tried to figure out what would kill it and Xander was trying to distract it so that Buffy could get in a few shots.

Wincing as the scaly fist of the demon knocked him hard into the brick wall, Xander shook his head and tried to make the stars whirling around in his eyes fade. When it started back towards Willow, he reached out and punched it hard in the back, just as Giles yelled, “Xander! No, don’t! Buffy, cut its head off. Now!”

It was too late, however. As soon as his fist made contact with the tough leathery scales, two inch diameter, razor sharp spines sprang from the demon’s back. As soon as Buffy decapitated it, the spines sank back into the demon.

Xander jumped back and didn’t feel the pain at first, but at Willow’s gasping yell, he looked down. Three of the deadly spines had impaled him, through his chest and stomach, leaving large holes that were pouring out blood so dark that it was almost black.

The pain hit fast and he dropped to his knees in agony, as he watched everyone move in slow motion towards him. His head spun crazily and the world tilted, black spots dancing in front of his eyes. When he blinked them away, the pain was gone…only a numb coldness remained.

Willow held his head in her lap and he stared up at her, mouth trying to form the words he wanted to say. Her tears rained down on his face and they felt so hot on his skin. “Spike…” he rasped out painfully, and she nodded. “It’s okay, Xander. You’re gonna be okay.”

He knew better, he could feel his heart slowing with every labored breath and the weight on his chest pressed him farther and farther down into the ground as he gave up trying to speak.

Reaching for their bond, he sent, Sorry, so sorry. I didn’t know, you were right, so right. Love you, need you, and closed his eyes at the sudden wash of pain and terror he felt coming from Spike. Close, so close, but too far away.

***

They were in mid-conversation when the pain hit Spike and he screamed, feeling as though a red hot knife had cut him from chest to navel, splitting him wide open. It took him a moment of clutching at his belly in horror before he realized the pain wasn’t coming from him.

Nausea roiled in his stomach, for the first time in a century, and he almost blacked out, but he managed to stay upright, as upright as one can be on their knees and bent over. Mentally running a check over his body, he was reassured again that there was nothing physically wrong with him. But the pain…

Then it eased, which scared him even more than the agony ripping apart his insides, because he went numb, almost paralyzed, practically frozen in place. He could feel Angel shaking him, a big meaty fist on his shoulder, but he couldn’t speak.

When whatever it was released him, it happened in a flash, and he collapsed down on hands and knees, shaking. It was then that he reached for the bond in the back of his mind, wanting to make sure Xander hadn’t felt anything he had been going through.

Xander. And just like that, he knew. Even before the flood of love and sorrow, of pain, apology and hopelessness from his lover washed through his brain, he knew. And he howled, screamed with the anguish of it, the agony of a different sort burning through his veins.

Angel hauled him to his feet and he could hear the older vampire begging him to tell him what was wrong, but he couldn’t speak, couldn’t draw in enough air to. No no no, gotta get to Xander, gotta help, please baby, please…

“Xander,” he finally managed to gasp out, stumbling towards the door. With Angel behind him every step of the way, he made it outside and felt around for the boy, trying to figure out what direction he was in. After a moment, he didn’t need to try.

He could hear the screams.

There was Buffy’s voice, and Willow’s…and they were wailing, loudly, cursing and crying and the sound made his heart shrivel up because… he knew. With every racing moment, closer and closer, he knew.

Within seconds, the two of them were around the corner and they could see the group of humans. Blood, so much blood. The smell of it coated the air, the pool of it dark against the dirty street.

The watcher was on his knees, supporting his Slayer, Tara was kneeling by Willow…and Willow…she was bent over his boy, his life… his everything. At his horrified gasped-out moan, her head came up and he collapsed next to her, watching the tears stream down her red and swollen face. He didn’t want to look, couldn’t. But he did.

Wide open brown eyes stared up at him, eyes that should be filled with agony and pain but were filled instead with an awful, consuming sorrow. Tears and blood covered the beloved face of the boy and Spike’s hands trembled as he wiped ineffectually at it. Xander’s chest rose and fell in a heavy, uneven rhythm and his pale, bloodied lips moved, trying to form the words that Spike knew he didn’t want to hear.

A loud coughing choked sound came from the boy’s throat and before Spike could grasp the fact that this was really happening, that this was the end unless he did something quick, Xander’s eyes rolled back in his head and he was gone.

Just like that.

No warning, no time to convince the Scoobies that they could ensoul him later if Spike made him a vampire, no time to say goodbye or ‘I love you’ or ‘Don’t you fucking die on me’. Just gone.

He felt it echo, the snap of the bond, felt it vibrate through his bones and leave him screaming hoarsely in denial. It couldn’t happen this way, it wasn’t right, wasn’t fair. Then the sudden emptiness, the awful echoing emptiness where their love used to be, where the only warmth and joy in his life had been.

“No, no,” he muttered at first, then said louder and louder until he was screaming it. “No! You can’t do this to me, Xan, I fuckin’ need you, I can’t do this alone. Fuck,” he yelled, fingers digging into the body that only an hour ago had been filled with so much life, so much happiness. He slit his wrist with his fangs and poured his blood into the open mouth, but there was no movement, no life.

Tears started pouring down his vampiric face, but he didn’t feel them. Shaking the still warm body furiously, he begged him in choked whimpers, “Don’t Xan, don’t leave me, please, please, no.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the Slayer start to move closer and felt the witch shift anxiously, and he snarled at them, clutching the boy tighter. Giles shook his head at the girls, his own tears falling, and whispered brokenly, “He’s already gone.”

The slight hope abruptly extinguished in the red-head's eyes and Spike felt the answering loss of hope in his own; there would be no miracle, no recovery, no rising from the dead.

“Go,” he snarled at the humans. “You can have him and do whatever you need to later, but go. Please,” he added brokenly, his voice breaking on the softly spoken word. The four humans stood dazedly, arms around each other as they cried, and gave one last look behind them as they started to walk away.

His body started shaking with his sobs and he shoved a bloody fist into his mouth to stifle them. The taste of their mixed blood just made him cling tighter to the dead body of his lover and keen loudly, as he felt his sire press close to his back to try to comfort him.

Angel wrapped strong arms around him as he collapsed over Xander’s body, howling in agony and sorrow until his throat was so raw that he couldn’t do more than gasp out pleas and curses. He could feel the cool tears of the older vampire against the back of his neck as he cried, rocking him as he rocked Xander, the pool of blood widening slowly in the dark, dirty alley.

***

Green sparking lights flickered erratically in the small dark room, casting eerie shadows on the walls. Taking a deep breath in, Willow finished the last of the chant and exhaled, as she felt her body race with energy, and a tiny unfamiliar stirring within her.

The room went dark and she closed the circle, standing wearily, her body exhausted by the events and emotions of the day. Please work, Goddess, please let it work.

Tomorrow, she knew, she would be terrified. But tonight, with the magic and the pain and sorrow still racing within her, she just hoped it worked.

Sliding quietly into bed next to her lover, she cuddled close to her warm body, feeling her tears start once again. Xander, I don’t want to be here without you. And he needs you, we never realized, never knew. But Goddess, he needs you.

When Tara stroked her wet hair from her face, she smiled sadly up at her, her heart aching so badly that she couldn’t breathe. It was unfair of her to have done this, but a second longer and it would have been too late. But she didn’t want to lose Tara, either.

“Tara, baby, how do you feel about babies?”