Weapon of Choice

Disclaimer - not mine refer to Joss for ownership.

Pairing - S/X

Summary - ummm... yeah. Discussion about weapons and Spike gets his end away.

Humour


Weapon of Choice.

Spike sighed as he sat through another boring research session. All the others were quietly reading. Willow and Tara were whispering together over certain passages of the book they had in front of them. Buffy was looking around the room rather than at the book in front of her. Glancing furtively at the young man who sat across from him, he watched as Xander flicked the pages over with less care than the ancient tome deserved.

As if he sensed being watched, Xander looked up and glanced around and then mouthed to Spike, "I'm bored."

Sighing yet again, Spike asked the studious Watcher, "What does this week's baddie look like?"

Giles didn't look up from the book he was reading but muttered, "I believe Buffy mentioned tall, green fur, talented at fighting. Yes, Buffy?" He then glanced up to confirm the facts with his Slayer.

"What? Oh, yeah." Buffy frowned at the implied compliment to her foe. "Talented. Giles, I never said talented, did I?"

Spike snorted. "Talented is the word, alright. Sounds like one of those T'nyl creatures. It's in this book." Tossing a thin volume at the Watcher, he sat back and smirked at Xander, who raised his eyebrow in a question. "Watch this," Spike whispered back.

Giles flicked through the pages quickly but with care. "Yes, details here on the habits..."

Buffy shifted impatiently in her seat. "Does it say how to kill it?"

"Er, yes. It needs a Johnson Rod." Giles stopped and reread the passage carefully. "Yes, it definitely says a Johnson Rod."

"Why not a stake? I already have those. I like stakes," Buffy moaned. "What is it? Metal, wood? How big is it?"

"Three inches of hardwood." Giles looked up in irritation at snort from Xander at his description.

"That's pretty small. How do I use it?" Buffy looked to Xander as muffled giggles could be heard.

She vaguely heard the muffled "Size queen!" from her friend.

Puzzled, she looked over at the others. Both Spike and Willow had innocent looks, while Tara hid behind her hair. "What?"

Spike spoke up. "Slayer. I'd venture a guess that you grab it firmly in one hand and give that T'nyl thing a good rogering."

"But where do I get this Rod from?"

"Slayer, go to the demon bar, you'll get the thing you want there." She looked at him blankly. "Willy's is where you'll get it given to you." He smirked. "You gotta ask Willy nicely though."

The muffled laughter had stopped abruptly. Spike looked at Xander only to find a wounded look in return. "How do you know how big Willy's rod is, Spike?" The sudden scraping of a chair being pushed back signalled Xander's quick departure from the table as he left the room to go out the back.

"I'll go check on the boy, shall I?" He stood quickly aiming to find out the cause of his latest misstep.

"Spike." He stopped mid stride and looked back at Willow who had a serious look on her face. He stared back at her then grinned, nodding to her he went to find his boy.


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Xander was leaning against the wall, wiping tears from his eyes. He reached for the vampire and pulled him close.

"Spike?"

"Locker room manners. I don't have any. I looked, that's all." He reached a hand down to Xander's jeans and started sliding the zipper down. Lips found neck and nibbling began.

"Ah, Spike." Xander's arms slid around the smaller man. "Girls are in the front room. They could come in any time."

Spike smiled at his lover as he pressed against him. "Told her to go to Willy's, ask for a Johnson Rod. Told her to be nice." He swallowed the laughter in a kiss that quickly turned to a gasp as he groped in the front of Xander's pants.

"Let's look at your rod, eh luv?" Spike pulled out the rapidly filling erection and pulled gently on it, revelling in the moaned gasps from his boy. Dropping to his knees he breathed along the length of it.

"No three inches here." He licked, up from the root to the tip, eliciting another groan. "Hmmm, Xander, wanna get dirty?" At the frantic nod from above him, Spike stood up.

Alarmed, Xander spoke up in a breathless tone. "Spike, whatcha doing? I thought..." He waved in the area of his groin.

Spike laughed and shook his head. "Nope, turn around and brace yourself luv. All this talk of rods and rogering has got me hot."

Xander glanced back at the door that led to the front rooms. Spike gripped his head and brought his face back to look at him. Kissing his lips, Spike whispered, "Be quick and quiet. Yeah?" Reaching down he tugged again on Xander's dick and abruptly swivelled him around to face the wall.

Xander gasped as cool fingers pressed against his opening. The fingers slid home and he groaned. It was obvious that Spike had lube with him. That thought just made his knees go weak. He moaned as the fingers stopped.

"Spike!"

"Now, luv. Stay upright. Spread your legs and lock your knees, or we'll be trying to explain why you fell over to the girls. Though, I suspect Willow already knows."

Xander yelped. "Spike, you have fingers in my ass. Can you please not talk about Willow." There was a pause. "She knows?" His concern dribbled into moans as Spike began to thrust the fingers and open his lover quickly.

Xander gasped as the fingers were replaced by Spike's cool length. "Here's my rod, gonna roger you." Spike pushed gently, pulling back and gently thrusting further in. Thrusting back, Xander buried Spike deep into his body, smiling at the soft moans he got from the vampire.

"Remember, quietly." At Xander's nod Spike began to move. Lost in the rocking motions, the two men breathed soft words to each other. Xander loving the brush of the leather as the hard length slid inside him. Spike anticipating the rough feel of Xander's jeans on his balls as he pulled closer, deeper.

"Xander, you coming?" The call from Buffy had Xander gasp out in laughter.

"Yeah, Buff. I'm coming." The tone wavered as he muffled his moans into his sleeve. He felt the final thrusts of Spike's orgasm as his knees began to give out.

"Slayer's here," Spike whispered in his ear as he felt his lover pull out of him. Grimacing at the dampness, he pulled up his pants and zipped up.

Buffy stood at the door looking at them both suspiciously.

Spike had a smoke in hand and was holding his duster closed. "What, Slayer? The boy's keeping me company while I have a fag."

"Right, you're having a fag." She looked sharply at Xander who tried but couldn't pull off the innocent look. "And a cigarette. Be careful, Spike. You wouldn't want to burn up in the light."

He looked across at the wry grin on her face. "Too late for that Slayer. In the light is where I'm at right now." He flicked a glance at Xander, who was listening to the conversation with wide yes.

Buffy nodded slowly. "I see. Well, I'm off to get that rod. I'd prefer a stake, that being my weapon of choice. But a girl takes what she can get."

Xander began to laugh and said. "Hey, Buff. You go on, I'll see you later once you've got the rod. Okay?"

Buffy nodded. "Sure. Anyway, I think Willow needs to talk to Spike." She arched her eyebrow. "Something about a shovel?" She grinned and disappeared back into the front room.

Spike looked at Xander and shrugged. "C'mon, let's face the music." At Xander's look of distaste he asked, "What?"

"I have cum in my pants. I have to sit across from Willow and listen to her shovel talk while I have cum in my pants."

Spike gave him a shove towards the door and tossed his smoke out the window. "Well, love. I'm evil."

End