Broken (AKA Beautiful Broken)

Xander woke the next day not in the cage but in an actual bed. True, he had freaked out a little, growing increasingly uncomfortable and uneasy until Spike had turned a half closed eye to him and asked him if he wanted the cage. Xander hadn’t, but he also didn’t know how to be in a bed anymore. After listening to Xander’s denial, Spike had looked at him for a long time, silent and tilting his head to the side as Xander tried not to squirm, but he literally didn’t know what to do with his limbs. His legs would curl up under him, tight up against his butt, but without restraints to hold them, they would eventually relax and move down the bed until Xander realized they were relaxed and pull them up again, leading to a great deal of fidgeting and a vampire still awake as the first rays of morning caused a glow in the windows.

At that point, Xander didn’t *want* the cage, but if Spike had asked him to go into the cage, he would have with great relief. When an obviously tired Spike had crawled out of bed and headed for the closet, Xander had sighed with the knowledge that he had annoyed his Master enough to go back in the cage, which he totally understood considering he couldn’t stop fidgeting, and even worse, he feared he had lost his front decoration. Instead of the cage, however, Spike came out of the closet with a set of chains and leather cuffs.

That explained his current predicament. He was chained to the bed with very little slack, his arms attached to the headboard and his legs chained to the footboard, and his body stretched not tightly but at least snugly. The restraints he liked, they gave him a reason to stay still and kept him from wondering what he was *supposed* to do. The problem was that Spike in his sleep had rolled over and now lay half on top of Xander, one of the vampire’s legs thrown protectively over his own and a vampire arm carelessly tossed over his chest and the vampire’s face fitting perfectly where head and shoulder met, leaving vampire hair to tickle at his sensitive cheek and nose.

Xander lay under his Master’s perfectly still body and tried not to sneeze and wake Spike. Eventually though biology overcame both training and desire and Xander sneezed as his own breathing moved Spike’s hair closer to his nose.

“Oi, gettin’ human snot on me!” complained an unhappy voice, but Xander recognized the teasing tone.

“Sorry, Master,” he replied unconvincingly.

“Yeah, yeah. Soddin’ humans with their endless drippin’ and leakin’.” Spike grumbled on about the general worthlessness of the human body as he crawled out of bed and went searching. Xander had a sudden thought and just hoped that Spike wasn’t searching for the key. Soon enough, a naked Spike came out of the closet holding up a key ring like a long-lost relic in the hand of an archeologist.

“Found it,” he announced triumphantly and Xander bit his tongue to prevent himself from saying something rude to his Master. Spike walked back to the bed and sat down, but he didn’t reach for the cuffs. Xander watched without comment as Spike reached out and ran a hand up his chest, stopping to rub a nipple. Xander would have liked to get hard, but his Master wasn’t hard so he held his own body in check.

“How about a little game?” Spike asked, and Xander looked at his Master for some sign of Spike’s mood. The vampire reached down and unlocked Xander’s ankles before moving Xander’s legs apart and kneeling between them on the bed.

“One rule, pet,” Spike said, and Xander listened as Spike leaned down, putting his hands on either side of Xander’s head. “Don’t get hard,” Spike whispered quietly but in such a serious tone that Xander resolved to obey no matter what. Spike lowered his body onto Xander and began with a kiss. A real kiss, the type of kiss Xander hadn’t felt in six months as Spike used his tongue to invade Xander’s mouth and Xander felt lips move against his lips. Spike’s weight rested comfortingly along the whole length of his body, and he flexed his arms to better feel the tight restraints trapping his wrists.

Part of him wanted to buck up into that strong body, to feel the increased pressure and friction as he humped into his Master’s body, but another part of him wanted to show his worthiness and obedience, so Xander stayed still and unmoving as Spike’s mouth plundered his own with savage hunger. Eventually Spike pulled back, and Xander openly stared up into those brilliant blue eyes as Spike sniffed the air and smiled knowingly.

When Spike started moving down, tasting a spot of skin here, sucking a nipple there, nibbling everywhere, Xander nearly screamed. Xander kept his arms tight against the restraints and concentrated on his tense shoulders as he felt his Master work his way down toward Xander’s still limp cock, but Xander didn’t know how much longer it would stay limp at this point.

Without warning, he felt a mouth surround his flaccid cock and he started mentally chanting to keep his body under control. He considered calling up one of his more unpleasant memories, but that just seemed wrong when in bed with Spike, so he held on and gritted his teeth as he tried to remember his tenth grade teacher trying to show him how to get the quadratic formula, and then Willow trying to teaching him how to come up with the quadratic formula, and even Giles taking a shot at it. The memory of that frustration should surely undo all the pleasure he felt as blood kept trying to gather in his cock which twitched but didn’t engorge in his Master’s mouth.

“Stubborn git,” Spike said with a smile as he finally sat up, and Xander gasped in relief from not having to fight his body’s need to react to such stimulation. However, Spike hadn’t finished yet; he reached up and grabbed a pillow before ordering Xander to lift his hips. When Spike stuffed the pillow under his hips, Xander had the feeling something else was about to get stuffed, and he fought back another surge of lust at that thought.

Sure enough, Spike retrieved a tube from the nightstand drawer and settled in between Xander’s sprawled legs. Xander closed his eyes and started his little silent chant as he felt a finger invade his body, wiggling in a way that just invited Xander to wiggle back, but Xander had an order and he would follow it no matter how much Spike tortured him. And Xander was beginning to think it torture as well because a second finger now joined him, stretching him in a way that made him shiver with blissful expectation and breathe through the agony of keeping himself soft.

Spike added a third finger and then brushed the prostate, and Xander’s cock immediately responded before Xander could fight it back down to a more calm state although certainly not completely flaccid any more. Xander just hoped that the slightly swollen and enlarged member qualified as soft in his Master’s eyes because he didn’t think he could do any better with his Master’s fingers still in him.

Xander had his eyes closed, so when Spike took his legs and swung them up into the air, Xander gasped in surprised and opened his eyes to see his own legs slung over Spike’s shoulders as Spike poised to thrust in. The look in Spike’s face and the feeling as his Master made the first thrust in rubbing the prostate the whole way totally undid Xander and every bit of blood he possessed flowed in to his cock which immediately swelled to a size and hardness hitherto unknown to man.

Xander gasped, caught between the agony of failing his Master and the vision of his Master’s smiling, triumphant face as Spike finally forced a reaction so strong as to be out of Xander’s control. Xander felt a shifting so immense that if he hadn’t been chained he would have grabbed the sheets to steady himself; however, the shift existed only in his mind. He suddenly understood the game and understood that by failing to follow orders he’d done the right thing. He felt Spike thrust in again, and he wrapped his legs around Spike’s body and braced his palms against the head board as their coupling drove him steadily up the bed.

Spike started slow and easy, but the minute Xander’s legs wrapped around him, Xander could feel the vampire quickly lose control himself and start thrusting in powerfully before finally coming with a growl. Xander’s own release followed close behind as he came all over his own stomach and chest. Spike slid out and lay to the side of Xander who now had sperm on and in him but could do nothing since he was still chained to the bed by his wrists, and he couldn’t imagine a better place to be. When Spike opened his eyes again several minutes later, he had an amused expression.

“Took ya bloody long enough. I’m the one who’s dead, pet, but you were doing a fine impression of a dead man there for a while.”

“Following orders, Master.”

“Remind me not ta play that game again; it’s hard on the ego to think I can’t even make a bloody human hard after 120 years of sexual experience.” Xander would have worried about having actually hurt Spike’s feelings only the vampire had such an amused expression with one eyebrow cocked up higher than the other that Xander just smiled in response. “Go do human stuff,” Spike ordered as he unlocked the wrist cuffs and Xander hurried out of bed to go wash so they could get started with their day.

The day started normally with Spike showering in another bathroom as Xander did his morning absolutions, and for the first time, Xander wondered why Spike didn’t join him showering, but he shrugged off the little nagging voice and dried off before wandering into the bedroom where Spike had laid out street clothes.

“Pet, we’re leavin’ the decorations at home today,” Spike said carefully, and Xander suddenly worried about having done something wrong. Spike must have noticed because he hurried to explain. “Giles is a little touchy about things like that, so we’re leavin’ them here so he doesn’t have somethin’ ta complain about.” Spike paused. “Although he’ll likely complain anyway.” Xander dressed in the jeans and button up shirt Spike gave him before adding boots and the various weapons that Spike had told him to carry. A lightweight coat hiding his veritable armory went on last. Xander took a deep breath and told himself that not following orders was good as he prepared to do something he hadn’t done in nearly six months.

“What happened with Giles?” Xander asked as he slipped the coat in place and prepared to follow Spike downstairs for their early meal before going out. Joyce always fixed their first meal and they would eat it together. The late meal would consist of some sandwich Spike would make as they tried not to make too much noise and wake Joyce, and Xander realized that they were quickly falling into a familiar pattern that was becoming “family” to him.

Spike sighed and continued down the stairs, Xander follow at heel. Xander could smell the chicken fried steak from the front hall, and he smiled at the choice. He’d gone so long without real meat that Joyce could plop uncooked ground beef in front of him and he’d be happy, but her wonderful cooking did not go unappreciated, and Xander noticed that Spike tended to eat his fill as well, although Xander did wonder how Spike got rid of all the food he took in.

“Good morning,” Joyce cheerfully offered as she came out of the kitchen carrying food.

“Not bloody likely. Soon as this day’s over, it’ll be good.” Spike grumbled at he sat, and Xander knelt down beside the chair, watching the two talk curiously.

“Boy asked about Giles,” Spike said as he cut into the meat on the plate and then held out a chunk for Xander to take.

“What did you tell him?”

“What am I supposed to say? That the git is an ungrateful bastard who soddin’ well annoys me so bad my fangs itch with the need ta eat him?” Spike actually sounded angry at that, and Xander looked up to see Spike’s game face, but the fork that now held mashed potatoes waited steadily and Xander continued eating assuming that if Spike really were angry enough to actually kill Giles, the vampire would be angrily pacing or breaking things. Joyce sighed.

“You two are going to have to talk this out some time.”

“Not bloody my fault,” Spike insisted sounding all the world like a five year old.

“Xander,” Xander looked up surprised because Joyce didn’t talk to him very often. “When the Initiative got invaded, Spike’s cell was near Giles’, so he found Giles rather quickly, but he couldn’t protect Giles from all the angry demons that were raging through the complex.” Knowing about Buffy’s actual death, Xander imagined that Spike must have been desperate to protect the Watcher. He still didn’t see any reason for homicidal itching.

“Well, Spike made a choice. In order to protect Rupert, Spike claimed him.” Xander’s eyes went big as he stared up at his Master even while he continued to eat. Claim bites were easily smelled by other demons, so Xander could understand the logic, but claim bites marked a human a slave, as property, much like the tattoo on the inside of Xander’s cheek marked him as property. The difference was that no demon could smell the tattoo, but most demons that got anywhere near Giles would instantly smell that mark and assume that Giles belonged to Spike. Xander wasn’t stupid either; he knew full well that Giles did a lot of business with demons through the Magic Shop.

Xander looked over to Joyce and wondered if the woman had any idea how big this would be. The Watchers in England surely would have heard rumors of Spike claiming a watcher for himself. “And I’m afraid I didn’t help matters,” Joyce continued sadly.

“Oi, don’t even put any of his bloody issues on yourself, luv. You were sick and ya needed a doctor who didn’t pat ya on the head and send ya home. Ya needed a doctor who’d take my word that something smelled wrong, and that means ya needed a demon doctor,” Spike instantly argued.

“Yes, but when word got around that you’d taken the slayer’s mother to a doctor for human pets, I don’t think that made Rupert feel any better about the interest you were talking in Buffy’s life.”

“He’s a bloody idjit. He doesn’t understand, and he doesn’t bloody want to understand. I could tell other demons ta stay away from him, and they’d do it. No demon gets between a vampire and a claimed human, but I haven’t and he can’t even bloody see that I’m not tryin’ ta use the claim against him.”

“I know, but he’s suffering from Buffy’s loss and after what the Initiative did to him, I can understand him hating something that makes him feel less free or less…” Joyce struggled for a word. “Less powerful, I guess. He was always such a powerful influence in Buffy’s life and now he’s lost her and he’s lost this belief that he could protect the children, and in the eyes of the demon community, he’s lost his own independence. Rupert is just making you the center for his anger over all of it.”

“He’s makin’ himself a bloody nuisance, and if he upsets my Xander, I’ll…” Spike stopped, and when Xander looked up he saw Joyce standing with one hand on a hip with a mother look that clearly promised a good grounding and a week of dishes. Xander almost choked on the steak as he tried not to laugh at a Master Vampire stopped in his tracks by a mother-glare. “I’ll soddin’ knock him upside his head and drop him off at the nearest hospital,” Spike finally compromised. Joyce didn’t look happy, but the hand came off the hip at least.

Xander finished eating in silence since the two adults seemed to have used up their conversation. When they’d finished, Xander followed Spike out the door even as the vampire called to Joyce to make arrangements with Giles to meet at a cemetery near the watcher’s house.

Xander followed Spike through town silently, aware that Spike’s mood darkened with every step closer to the cemetery until finally they entered the gates.

“Xander! Good lord, you’re actually alive.” Xander heard Giles call from a little way off to the side, and he looked to see a rather haggard looking Giles come toward them with an unshaven face and a wrinkled shirt.

“What? Ya think I lied about findin’ him? Ya think Joyce lied?” Spike demanded, and Xander could see Giles flinch, a hand going into a pocket where Xander suspected a stake with Spike’s name waited. He shifted his own position so that he was closer to Spike, not that Spike actually needed help, but maybe he could keep them from killing each other.

“I am perfectly aware of your ability to lie, and I am unsure about the influence you now hold over Joyce, so I did have my doubts,” Giles commented, but Xander noticed that Giles didn’t stop looking at him.

“Xander, are you all right?” Giles asked and then Xander understood the man’s concern. Droopy Harris would have already blurted out the whole story in one long run-on sentence.

“All right might be too strong,” Xander admitted as he tried to reassure Giles, hoping that he could help these two not kill each other. “But better.” Giles’ cold expression didn’t soften.

“Xander do you remember how much you hated Spike? Do you remember how Spike nearly killed you when he wanted Willow to do that spell? Do you remember Spike capturing you that one Halloween?”

“Oi, old news, mate. Things have changed and you need to move on,” Spike growled, but Giles just continued, his focus totally on Xander until Xander felt like trying to hide behind Spike. He would have actually moved if he hadn’t feared it would push Giles over the edge to violence.

“You know those feelings were real, so how can you trust Spike now with the chip out?” Giles asked, and now Spike stepped forward with a growl that Giles ignored as he continued. “Somewhere deep down, you know that you aren't thinking straight. You've been scared for so long that you're just clinging to the first person who shows you any kindness, and that's normal, Xander. What you're feeling is normal, but it's not real.”

At that Spike moved forward with the clear intention of ending Giles’ speech, only his forward momentum ended when a large dark figure tackled him from the side. Xander’s hand instantly pulled his sword as he stepped up to identify the attacker as Angel. The two vampires clung to each other, each trying to get a strong enough hold to pin the other, and Xander raised his sword. He couldn’t kill his Master’s sire without some sort of directions, but he could sure injure Angel and leave him vulnerable to counter attack. Xander was about to launch his attack, when Spike’s voice called out “Down!”

Without hesitation, Xander sank into a down kneel laying his sword by his side so that he could properly position his hands as he watched the vampire change tactics into a more aggressive punch and kick style. Angel fell back, and Spike pressed his advantage only to find that Angel had feigned. As Angel swung his childe around with a hold on his neck, Xander stood and picked up his sword in time to see Angel press a stake to Spike’s heart.

“Down!” Spike called at the same time Angel said, “Don’t do it.” He realized that he could never get to Spike in time as he squirmed ineffectively with his arm twisted up behind his back and a wood stake pressed to his chest. Without any better options, Xander sank back down to his knees.

“You bloody wanker,” Spike hissed still in game face.

“You were going to kill Giles,” Angel replied, and Xander flinched as Angel pressed the stake a little deeper.

“I was goin’ ta soddin’ attack him and slap him stupid, or stupider in his case.”

“Don’t press your luck boy,” Angel warned, and Xander could see Spike’s body arch up as Angel twisted the arm and pressed the stake’s point into the flesh.

“Don’t you dare do it in front of Xander you bloody useless lump of dead flesh,” Spike hissed, and Xander felt his heart ripped out as he realized what Spike meant. Ignoring orders, he stood, sword in hand and moved so that his back wasn’t to Giles as he took up a defensive position.

“Xander, since I've been looking for the girls, I've done a lot of research. I'm sure that you think I'm trying to take you away from Spike, and I'm sure you think he's doing the right thing, but you’re suffering from Stockholm syndrome,” Giles explained in a voice that he normally used for the crazy old lady who always bought ginseng from the Magic Shop. Giles held up his hands in a surrender pose as he stepped closer, and Xander adjusted his stance.

“He’s sufferin’ from the effin’ slaver’s trainin’ and from your interference,” Spike snapped.

“William,” Angel warned and Xander watched as Spike stilled in his sire’s grip, obviously outmatched by the larger and older vampire.

“Not in front of him,” Spike said again in a weary and much softer voice, and this time he dropped out of his game face.

“I don’t want to stake you, William. Whatever your reasons, you’ve done the right thing by Joyce and I know you’re trying to help Xander.”

“He’d doing Xander irreparable harm,” Giles interrupted, and now Xander couldn’t ignore the verbal attacks.

“He saved me and he’s helped more than you could have,” Xander said. “You gave up; you told Willow to give up.” Xander had said more than he intended and he could see as his words sunk in. Giles went from shocked to guilty to angry to some sort of emotion that Xander couldn’t identify. When the glasses remained in place throughout, Xander realized that Giles had certainly changed as well.

“Xander, I know that’s not you talking. You have to find your real feelings or you're going to be stuck a slave your whole life, and Buffy would have wanted more for you. You can’t stay with Spike.”

“William, order him to follow Giles home,” Angel demanded and the hiss Spike made revealed his opinions about that. “If you don’t, I will kill you in order to get him away from you. Even if you don’t mean to hurt him, Giles is right—he needs to be with people who can help him in ways you can’t.”

“He bloody well needs me,” Spike growled.

“He feels that way because survivors with Stockholm Syndrome take their terror and the small kindnesses that they see their captors showing them and they build it into a relationship that doesn't exist. His feeling right now aren’t real, they’re his attempt to deal with the fear of being purchased by you.” Xander watched Spike’s eyes flicker over to him, and he could only hope his Master didn’t listen to Giles’ explanation.

“I’ll make this simple, William. You either order him to follow Giles, or I’ll turn you to dust right here so he knows you won’t be coming for him again.” Xander watched his Master’s eyes meet his before Spike’s gaze slipped down to the ground in front of him, and Xander almost cried in fear because he knew his Master’s next words, and he didn’t know if he could survive them.

“Pet, go with Giles,” Spike ordered, and Xander’s body trembled with the need to follow the order and the need to ignore it. The sound of Giles moving drew his attention away from Spike.

“I know you can't answer right now; I know how hard this is, but you can get through this and I'll be here the whole way. You just need some time and some space to feel safe and you can overcome these feelings. I promise to help,” Giles said as he took one more step closer.

“I can’t,” Xander hoarsely offered as an apology to either Giles or his Master or both.

“Xander, I will turn him to dust if you can’t let go of him any other way,” Angel said so calmly that Xander knew he was telling the truth. He lowered his sword and didn’t argue when Giles stepped up and took it away from him. Xander looked over toward Spike who refused to even meet his gaze.

“Let him go now,” Xander pleaded.

“As soon as Giles has time to get you home, I’ll release him. He’s my family, Xander. I really don’t want him dead, but I can’t let him hurt you by misunderstanding what you really need.” Xander dropped his gaze, realizing that he had lost so when Giles reached out a hand, Xander didn’t fight. He fell into step with Giles even as the man kept a tight grip on his arm, and he prayed that Angel was good for his word because if Xander had just caused his Master’s death, he knew he wouldn’t survive the guilt.