A Second Chance

Eternity

Alexander Lavelle Harris, Beloved Friend and Warrior. You are missed.

Spike traced the deeply etched words with pale trembling fingers, the stone cold and rough. Memories of more than a decade full of endless nights, flashes of pain so agonizing it brought him to his knees again and again and the cold, empty loneliness he had faced for so many years spun like a kaleidoscope in his head, mixing and merging with the memories of happier times.

Eternity was nothing but torture without the one you loved beside you.

Without the laughing voice of your lover, as disgusted by your bloody pancakes as you were by him drizzling chocolate over Twinkies, without that warm touch of a soft kiss against the back of your neck, letting you know you weren’t alone. Without that sleekly muscled body writhing underneath yours, without those chocolate eyes staring up at you, pouring out every drop of love they could into your previously frozen heart.

A cold, solitary tear slid down his pale cheek as he remembered the terrible agony he had felt when the bond between them had fractured, Xander’s body bleeding out into the frozen ground. The echoing emptiness screaming inside of his head.

The agony of seeing Alex every day and seeing no recognition of their love in his warm brown eyes, innocent child eyes.

He felt him before he heard the sharp crunch of frozen grass under black boots, smelled the smoke from his boy’s newly acquired habit. It’s not like it can kill me, after all. And you look so sexy and tough when you do it.

Slowly standing up from where he had been kneeling at his lover’s grave, Spike breathed in a deep breath before turning to face Alex. They regarded each other in silence for a few moments, two solemn-faced men in jeans, boots and black leather jackets, before Alex drew in a breath and blew out a stream of smoke like he had been doing it all his life, dropping the fag to the frosty ground and grinding it out with his boot. Looking from the grave to his sire, he shook his head in loving exasperation and took the few steps closer that put him in Spike’s arms.

Wrapping his arms tightly around his childe, Spike buried his face in the younger vampire’s neck and breathed deep, the familiar scent comforting him and driving the demons of the past away. He felt Alex sigh as he rested his head on Spike’s shoulder, strong arms sliding underneath his jacket to wrap around his slender waist.

“I wish Mom hadn’t told you about this place. Doesn’t do anything but make you hurt, I can feel it. Every year on this day,” he mumbled against Spike’s neck. Spike shook his head and hugged the younger man closer, sending as much reassurance as he could through the bond.

“It isn’t anythin’ I can forget, Xan. Whether or not I have somewhere to come to grieve at, I would be hurtin’ anyway. At least I can leave it all here when I go, until next year,” he tried to explain, and felt a warm flooding of love and understanding from his young lover.

“I know, I just hate seeing you hurting, Will,” he said, turning a little so that he could see the polished stone bearing his name, where his first body was buried. “I barely remember dying the first time, no more than I remember being born the second time. So it doesn’t bother me, except for your pain.”

Spike smiled down at his worried face, leaning forward and brushing his lips softly against Alex’s. “It’s better now that I’ve got you with me, pet. The years I came here when you were growing up,” he shuddered, not wanting to remember those bleak, dark nights, nights where he hadn’t been sure that Xander would ever remember. Nights where he thought he might have really lost him, regardless of the fact that he was alive and well.

Strong hands still bearing a trace of the dark tan the boy had had before his turning came up to cup the back of Spike’s head, drawing him down to the comfort of his childe’s lips. After a slow, thorough kiss, Xander murmured against his parted lips, “I’m here, now, and I’m not going anywhere, Sire. Love you so damn much.”

Spike shuddered a little, his battered heart still needing those words, that reassurance, as often as the boy could say them. Luckily, Alex knew that and showered him in the words daily, never tiring of the awed look Spike knew was in his eyes every time he heard it.

“Love you too, pet. Always.”

Alex grinned up at him before rubbing his cheek against Spike’s, purring like a contented kitten. “I know.”

At Spike’s mock-growl, the younger vampire bumped his hips against Spike’s and stepped backwards, out of his arms. Turning to leave, he looked over his shoulder and smiled. “Come on, we have babysitting to do, y’know.” He pointed up to the clear black sky, full moon shining bright.

Rolling his eyes, Spike strode forward, slinging an arm over his childe’s shoulder and feeling Xander slip his around Spike’s waist as they walked out of the hidden cemetery. “Yeah, I remember. Full moon, wolves, gotta go play with the pups and get em all hyper for when mum n dad get in from their run.”

Alex laughed, white teeth shining against the dark night as he leaned against Spike. “I think that’s the reason we have babysittin’ duty, since Angel and Buff let them get into the Halloween candy last month.” He shuddered. “Man, am I glad we didn’t have to clean that mess up.” They both glanced at each other and snickered at the thought of Angel in his designer clothes on his knees, frantically wiping up vomit before Dawn and Oz got home.

The triplets had to be the most spoiled four and a half year olds on the planet, with all of their aunts and uncles and grandparents doting on them. Little William, Liam and Joyce had all of them wrapped around their tiny fingers, werewolves, vampires and witches all. Spike had had to be talked out of turning them so that they could never grow up and get hurt, but once Xander reminded him that werewolves could live for centuries and it was harder to kill them than it was vampires, he relented. He shivered to think of them hitting puberty, however, a dangerous time until they learned to control their wolves.

Still, he was incredibly happy regarding his family, because the witches had finally come to him and Angel last month. He had been getting afraid that he would have to kidnap them and change them anyway, because he didn’t want Xander to have to watch them grow old and die. Willow and Tara had said that they had been discussing it for years, but that it was now or never because they didn’t want to be middle aged forever, which hadn’t stopped Ethan and Rupert, but then, those two sure didn’t act middle aged.

They had all agreed for Angel to turn Willow and have Tara do the spell, then Spike turn Tara and vice versa. Xander had pointed out that it would be really strange to have his best friend/mother also be his sister, which had caused some laughter but general agreement. It would take a few more weeks to get everything ready for the re-souling spells, but Spike was content.

His family was where it should be and as safe as he could make it. Family. He smiled slightly as he hugged Xander closer to his side. His boy had given him everything, from his heart and soul, twice over, to a real family. He still woke up at nights screaming because he was afraid none of it was real, but Alex was always there, always holding him and soothing him… loving him.

Glancing back over at the gravestone as they walked away, he swallowed hard against the lump in his throat. Silently, he thanked it for reminding him every year that he couldn’t ever take for granted what he had, to cling to happiness with both hands.

Eternity might be hell without the one you loved, but if you had that person with you, well.. forever just wasn’t long enough.