Where? When? Gah!

Chapter 7 - Tea, Poetry, and a Kiss

Will awoke to the sounds of dishes clattering downstairs. He didn't
hear any voices, so hoped that meant that only Mr. Giles was left in
the flat. He really didn't want to see Xander that morning, still
confused over last night's events.

He had drunk blood. Blood! And from the moment the liquid had
touched his lips, he'd wanted nothing more than to keep drinking.
Then he'd wanted nothing more than Xander. He'd practically thrown
himself at the young man!

Oh dear lord! As he went over his memories of the previous night, he
realized that the ladies had been present as well. He didn't
remember them ever leaving the room. He could only conclude that
they had been privy to the whole scene.

He groaned, turning his face into the pillow. Now he did more than
just fervently wish that none of his visitors remained.

Eventually he forced himself to stand, then cross over to the
washroom. He readied himself for the day, taking a deep breath
before descending the stairs. When he entered the kitchen he was
relieved to find only Mr. Giles.

"Good morning William. How are you feeling?" Giles greeted him.

"Good morning sir. I'm feeling better, thank you." He ducked his
head.

"Would you like some tea?" Giles asked, pouring himself a cup.

"That would be lovely. Thank you." Will took a seat at the small
circular table.

Giles could tell that Will had something on his mind. He'd have been
surprised if the vamp didn't have something on his mind! The shock
of learning he was a vampire, his obviously intimate relationship with
Xander, and from what the children had told him of last night, he was
sure that Will's mind was probably churning.

"Is there something you would like to discuss William?" Giles
prompted.

"Well sir...That is...Of the people that I've so so far I'd like to say
that I feel the most...well...comfortable around you. Maybe because
of our shared heritage?" Will tried to explain. "And I just feel as if I
am in desperate need of a spot of advice. If I might trouble you?" He
focused slightly pleading eyes on the older gentleman before him.

"Of course William. We are...were...are...friends after all." Giles
answered.

"Are we sir?"

"Why yes. I do admit that I was a bit flummoxed when you and
Xander first got together, but over the years you've proved that you
only have Xander's best interests at heart."

"So it's true then." Will once again ducked his head, taking a small
sip of his tea.

"True?"

"What Xander told me. About...about us." He could not force himself
to look Mr. Giles in the eye.

"Yes. I can imagine how you might question it." Giles reached over,
offering the embarrassed young man a biscuit.

"It's just that I never thought that I would...well...be intimate with
another gentleman." Will continued to stare down at the table.

"Will look at me." Giles waited for the vampire to meet his eye before
continuing. "The relationship that you and Xander share is very
special. In fact it is a constant source of amazement to me. You
protect one another. You love one another. And moreover you're
good for one another. Being together brings out the best in you both."
He smiled gently at the confused young man.

"But is it...wrong sir?" Will desperately wanted to know. Giles
blinked at the incongruity of seeing the vampire's eyes slowly fill with
unshed tears.

"No William. It's not wrong." Giles reached over and gave Will's
shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "Love is never a thing to be
ashamed of."

After a moment the two men broke apart. Giles cleared his throat and
stood to take the plate of biscuits and empty teacups to the sink for
washing.

"Thank you sir." William retreated back to the bedroom to mull over
their conversation.

***

Mr. Giles had been kind enough to lend him some blank paper and a
pen. He always felt that he could work out problems better if he were
able to write them out. That's why his poetry was so important to him.
It allowed him to vent feelings and emotions that he had no other
outlet for.

On the paper he'd written out two columns under the main heading of
Xander. Under the 'Things I Know' column he wrote the details of
what Xander had explained of their relationship. Under the 'Things I
Feel' column he'd tried to list the multitude of emotions that assaulted
him whenever the boy was near.

The one thing that always came back to him was the unquestionable
feeling of safety and security he felt whenever Xander was in close
proximity. He could not deny that in his heart he felt the familiar
sense of trust and yes, affection, toward the young man. And
obviously from his actions last night, he felt a physical attraction as
well. Will knew he would be blushing furiously if he could have.

Unable to come up with any definitive answer to his myriad of
questions, Will decided to do the only thing that had ever soothed his
soul. He wrote. He let his mind wander in different directions, writing
down whatever fancied him. Until finally he grew tired and setting
aside the tablet he lay down for some rest.

***

"Wi-" Xander broke as sas soon as he spied his vamp in bed. He
went over and took a seat beside him, gently laying a hand on his
cheek.

He caressed the soft cool skin before pulling back. Although he was
excited, he wanted to give him a few more minutes of rest. Giles
thought he'd found a potion that might help Spike remember. At least
it was worth a try. Giles had sent Willow out to the Magic Box to get
the ingredients, so they would be able to create the mix tonight.

As he sat waiting for his vamp to awaken, Xander's eyes wandered
around the room. He stopped when he caught a glimpse of the white
notepad sitting on the night table. He reached over to pick it up,
recognizing Spike's flowing script.

When he saw his name on the first page, he immediately put the pad
down. He couldn't read that. It was like invading Will's privacy.
Xander was sure that Will had never meant for anyone else to read
the words he'd written.
the the minutes ticked by he continued to stare at the forbidden pad of
paper. Eventually his hand began to sneak out once more. After the
last few days, Xander felt that he was entitled to just a bit of snooping.
Maybe he could glean some minor comfort in what Will had written.
Maybe he had written down what he had already remembered.

Xander knew that his excuses were feeble, but he couldn't help
sneaking a peak at the first page. What he read made his heart grow
warm. It didn't seem as if Will had remembered anything specific, but
at least he had vague memories of his feelings for Xander. He felt
protected and he even said he felt affection! That was a start at least.

He flipped the page and his breath caught. Will had written a poem.
One night after a long bout of lovemaking, Spike had shared the
origin of his "Bloody" moniker. No matter how hard Xander had tried
to get Spike to write him something, he'd always been refused. Now
here was his chance. But how could he do it? This was worse than
an invasion of privacy.

As he slipped the first page back over, and lowered the notepad to
the table Will's hand snapped out to wrap around his wrist.

"I'm sorry Will." Xander looked and sounded contrite.

"Did you read it?" Will asked, eyes downcast.

"No. I couldn't. I've asked you to let me read some before but you've
always said no. I couldn't go against your wishes."

Will looked up into sad brown eyes and felt a small tug at his heart.
Was this the man he'd spent the last 2 years of his life with? The
man that claimed to love him? Will sighed. He felt as if he were on
the edge of some sort of epiphany yet it was just out of reach.

"I...uhm...if you'd like to...that is...you may...you may read it if you
like." Will stumbled out.

"Really? You don't have to let me." Xander tried to be sure.

"No, I think...I think I'd like you to read it." Will turned his head away.
"But I must warn you that my critics have never been very kind to
me."

Xander placed a warm hand on Will's shoulder with a gentle caress.
"I know Will. But I'm not one of your critics. I'm your lo-. I'm your
friend." Xander reassured him.

Will only nodded.

Xander took the tablet back and flipped the page once more.

~~~
Standing at the edge
I feel a cold wind blow
The leaves rustle
And the moonlight glows

Looking through a veil
Of lies and untruths
I see a world below
That can burn and soothe

The years pass slowly
As the moonlight fades
I fear the dawning of light
As I move to seek shade

The light chases my steps
As I run for safety
Searching the valley below
Where alone, he as mes me

He reaches a hand out
Drawing me near
My shelter from the sun
The only one I need not fear
~~~

Xander could feel the liquid gathering in his eyes. Was this how
Spike felt about him? Safe and loved? His shelter from the sun?
Xander turned away trying to regain his control.

"They're only words." Misinterpreting Xander's gesture Will tried to
apologize.

"No Will!" Xander couldn't help grasping both Will's shoulders and
pulling him close. "They're more than that. They're you." He gave
Will a loose hug. "And I love them."

Will pulled away, a little reluctantly. He ducked his head shyly before
offering a quick, "Thank you." He couldn't remember the last time his
poetry had been praised. At least by anyone other than mother.

Xander could thatthat Will was a little embarrassed. He changed the
subject wanting to make his lover a little more comfortable.

"Well I did come up here for a reason." He began. "Giles may have
found a potion that can help. It will stimulate your memory, sort of
push you more into the selective amnesia stage, instead of the lost
my mind from a spell stage." He gave Will a small smile.

"So you think I will be able to regain my memories?" Will asked
tentatively, still unable to look Xander in the eye. By allowing him to
read the poem, he'd effectively let Xander know that he did indeed
have feelings for the young man.

"We hope so. Giles thinks it might be gradual. Like a regular
amnesiac person I guess. We'll have to keep reminding you of
things. He says that there will probably have to be some sort of major
trigger for most of it, but you might start to get some flashes here and
there." Xander was encouraging.

Will nodded. "Shall we rejoin the others downstairs?"

"Sure. Willow went out to the Magic Box, and the Buffster is doing a
quick patrol. But Tara and Dawn should be here." Xander answered,
standing up and offering Will a hand.

Will took it shyly, trying to hide his relief at not having to face the two
young ladies after his display last night. "Who's Dawn?"

"Oh! You haven't met the Dawnster?" Xander forgot that Dawn had
not yet been over since the night of the spell. "She's Buffy's sister.
But don't worry, you won't have the same reaction to her. She's sort
of special." Xander hedged.

Will grasped the hand offered and levered himself up. As he shifted
his weight off the bed he lost his balance and ended up flinging
himself into Xander's arms.

"Oof!" Xander caught the flailing vamp. "Are you okay?"

Will looked up embarrassed and ready to apologize. He was
confronted with Xander's warm look. The feelings that he'd been
exploring all afternoon came rushing back to him. Safety. Security.
Affection. Lust. His eyes moved down to focus on Xander's parted
lips.

Xander forced himself to stand stock still under Will's scrutiny. This
was the first time, not blood-induced, that Will seemed to actually be
taking an interest in him physically. When he felt the caress of Will's
gaze on his lips, he had to suppress a small groan.

His eyes automatically closed in preparation for his lover's kiss. And
when he felt the sweet brush of them along his own, he nearly cried
out. He let Will control their meeting.

The kiss was slow and sweet. Close mouthed, the press of Will's lips
was still intoxicating. Xander couldn't prevent the moan of pleasure
when Will parted his lips slightly and sucked Xander's bottom lip in.
He chewed on Xan's lip and then soothed it with a few licks of his
tongue.

Will pulled away to see the flushed and dazed expression on
Xander's face. Ashamed of his forward actions, he immediately
looked down. Only to become even more embarrassed at the state of
his obvious arousal.

"I'm sorry." He mumbled to his toes.

Will felt the gentle pressure of Xander's finger on his chin, forcing him
to face the young man.

"Don't ever be sorry for wanting to touch me." Xander implored. "I
love you."

Will nodded. He continued to remain silent as he followed his beau
down the stairs.