The Adventures of Deadboy and Zeppo

Xander woke slowly, trying to figure out why he felt so different. The obvious answer--that he was a vampire now--he pushed away since he'd had nearly a month to get used to that. He noticed that the burning hunger had gone, and that was quickly followed by a memory of feeding from Angel's arm.

Xander wished he could see in a mirror because he really was curious about whether he could still blush. He'd come to say goodbye to Cordy and get a nice quick staking, but instead he had ended up crying in Deadboy's arms and really, was there anything more embarrassing in all the world? Okay, it wasn't quite as embarrassing as if he had broken down in Spike's arms, but it came close.

Xander pushed himself up on his still manacled arms and he tried to remember just how much of an idiot he'd made of himself the night before. Of course, Angel was used to him being an idiot so at least he didn't have far to fall in the older vampire's eyes. Xander physically jerked at the thought of falling in his sire's eyes at all.

"Oh no. No no no. Come on, how much Xander hateage can one universe have?" Xander asked the ceiling as he fell back against the pillows and considered his current feelings for Angel. The slight contempt was still there, and he still had a whole studio audience of insecurities about being inferior. However, the first casual thought of letting Angel down had crashed into him like a wave... a tidal wave... a fucking tsunami.

Xander recognized the feelings as the same he had earlier felt when Spike would sneak into the bathroom and point out how much Dru hated him. The punk vampire would whisper to him about how Dru had left him on the watcher's lawn to get staked, about how he wasn't even good enough to be a minion to the dark princess. Xander had been chained in the bathtub where Spike had once lived, unable to strike back at those hateful words or escape them. Xander had learned to put on a good enough face to fool the others into thinking he wasn't bothered when Spike would make comments about Xander's missing sire, but Spike's knowing, cruel grin had revealed Spike's glee at hurting him. Now all those fears and desperate longings were tied up in Angel.

Xander took several deep unnecessary breaths as he tried to remember how much he had revealed. He'd told Angel about his parents and the young couple whose car he'd stolen. If Xander was going to be perfectly honest with himself, he was surprised to still be the moving and un-dusty version of dead after that confession. The fact that Angel had responded with purring and touching and holding left him teetering between a burning need to find his sire and a general humiliation that left him never wanting to face anyone again.

He glanced toward the curtained window, and the light was no longer creeping in at the edges, so Xander figured it was night and Angel must already be up and working. He pulled idly at the chains, not really expecting to be able to break them, but he'd seen enough spy shows to know that when you woke up chained you were supposed to pull the chains. It was like a rule or something. He gave the chains a second pull just because he had nothing else to do.

Using that theory, Xander sat up on so that he leaned against the wall and randomly pulled at the chains as he waited for his sire to come back. Sire. Xander rolled that word around in his head as he listened to the various footsteps downstairs. He had no idea how Angel had done it, but Xander could feel the need to please Angel rising up on the ashes of his need to please Dru. Okay, ashes might be a little strong since he still felt the slightest urge to cry at the fact that Dru hadn't wanted him, but he'd been feeling that same rejection from women for so long that he should be used to it by now. The need to please Angel... now that was new.

Footsteps came down the hall, and Xander tried to decide if Angel was in the group hurrying toward his room. He hadn't yet decided when the bedroom door flew open and Cordy, Wes, and some bald, black guy came though it.

Xander barely stopped himself from snarling when the black guy pointed a crossbow straight at him. Gunn. Xander remembered Willow telling him about Gunn, the pseudo gang member who killed vamps. If Cordy hadn't been in the room, Xander truly would have vamped out.

"We have a slight problem?" Cordelia exclaimed breathlessly as she stood at the side of the bed closest to the door.

"Slight as in Snyder in the hallway or slight as in invi-girl?" Xander asked without taking his eyes off Gunn. Gunn returned his glare, and Xander could smell small wisps of fear that he was almost sure came from the man. Somehow the fact that Gunn was scared of him made him feel a whole lot better.

"Slight as in Willow's boyfriend who clanked." Cordelia's words distracted Xander from glaring at Gunn, and he turned his attention to Cordy. Clanking boyfriend bad was really, really bad.

"What's up?" he asked. Earlier he hadn't minded the chains. Of course at the time he thought he was about to become dust and they wouldn't really matter, but now the idea of clanking boyfriend bad made him rise to one knee and eye the wall where the manacles attached. If there was clanking boyfriend bad in the hotel, he didn't want to lie here helpless, and Xander realized that for the first time in a month, he care about living. Unliving. Whatever.

"Angel. He's missing." Cordy's words were soft, but Xander felt them like a cold knife. He tried to quiet his own need to growl and snap at the news since he didn't think these three would be impressed.

"How long?" Xander asked after just a moment.

"A van pulled up in front of the hotel and a group what we assume to be humans tazered him and pulled him in just a few minutes ago," Wesley offered.

"And what we should be doing is trying to find that van not standing here with walking corpse boy while Angel gets dragged farther away," Gunn put in, and Xander had to fight against his game face.

"Xander could be a great assistance. Since he has fed on Angel's blood, he should be able to track his scent rather effectively."

"Xander? Will you help?" Cordy stepped forward and now Xander spotted the key in her hand.

"You trust me to help?" Xander asked in amazement. He'd begged Buffy to let him help, to let him prove himself the way Spike had. The conversation hadn't ended well what with Riley offering to track down the doctor who had implanted the chip in Spike and Willow crying and Spike smiling arrogantly enough that Xander knew the vampire would be back to make fun of him late at night when no one else was around. Xander shook his head to clear the memory and force back the demon face.

"Hell, no. We just don't have any better alternatives. But don't go trying to pass yourself off as some do-gooder because I'm not buying," Gunn immediately snapped. "And if you get those teeth anywhere near any of us, I will stake your sorry ass."

"I'm not a do-gooder," Xander snarled, and this time he allowed his fangs to show and a bit of yellow to leech into his eye color. "I'm not about to kill Cordy or Wes, and I'll give you a temporary pass because those two like you. But if humans took Angel, they aren't going to survive the mistake."

"Xander!" Cordelia gasped, and she stopped dead just out of his range.

"Cordy, I don't have a soul. I may have pieces of my humanity left, pieces that love you and want to curl up and die because Willow turned on me and even pieces that make me fall down and go boom in the shower. That doesn't make me human. It just makes me a demon with serious screw loosage." For a moment Xander thought he'd lost his chance to get free, but Cordelia nodded and moved forward. Xander held out his hands, and she unlocked each cuff with a dull snick of metal.

"Where'd they grab him?"

"Out front," Wesley offered, and Xander pushed himself off the bed and headed for the door. Gunn didn't move, his crossbow still aimed unerringly at Xander's heart. Xander snarled his frustration.

"Might want to get dressed there, Zeppo. Half naked vamps attract a lot of attention." Xander shot Cordy an angry glance and she had the decency to duck her head at having told the black man the nickname.

"Don't even try and make her feel guilty," Gunn ordered.

"Oh, please, Cordy has about as much guilt as I do," Xander dryly commented. "Angel sucks up all the guilt around him like some sort of black hole of guilt." Xander looked down and realized that bare-chested and barefoot was not a good way to start a rescue mission. "Um, does anyone have any clothes I can wear?"

"I'll show you Angel's closet. And if you meant that guilt comment as an insult, you'll pay for that mister," Cordelia huffed as she walked out of the room. Gunn lowered the crossbow to point at the floor although he didn't put it down, and Xander followed Cordelia into the hall. His back itched at the thought that someone who wanted to kill him was at his back with a sharp wooden weapon, but then he'd been ignoring that little voice that told him he was doing something stupid for a long time now.

"So, I have to wonder if Angel is now your sire." Wesley commented, and Xander lost a half step in the hall. Had Angel denied being his sire? Xander's mind ran circles as he tried to figure that one out. Before anyone could notice he was being stranger than usual, Xander picked up his pace again as he followed Cordelia to Angel's room.

"I'm kinda new to this vamp deal, Wes. You probably need to ask Angel that," Xander hedged. The words tried to stick in his throat, but he gave a casual shrug as if being rejected by a second sire meant nothing. He thought being raised by the Harrises had prepared him for being ignored and rejected, but the Harrises had nothing on the Aurelius. Xander was starting to understand why Spike was such a pain in the ass considering his family. Cordy pushed open a door, and Xander followed her quickly hoping to escape more difficult questions.

Inside the room, Xander could smell Angel-sire scent everywhere. The odor clung to the bed in a cloud, and Xander breathed deeply. Cordy was pulling shirts out of the closet, and Xander grabbed a green one based strictly on smell of Angel that still lingered in the fabric. Behind him, Gunn made some comment that he didn't truly hear, but the sarcastic tone came through loud and clear. Xander turned and flashed a game-faced snarl as he slipped his arms into the sleeves of his borrowed shirt.

"Xander!" Cordy backhanded him across his arm, and Xander dropped back into his human mask before ducking his head.

"Sorry," he offered as Cordy turned to the problem of shoes.

"Don't growl at Gunn," she sniffed as she offered boots that were at least two sizes too large.

"Um, Cord? Little big for me," Xander said as he lifted the boots slightly.

"Is that what you told Angel last night?" Gunn asked from his place leaning against the door frame, and it took Xander several seconds to connect the idea of shoe size and penis size and Angel sharing his bed the previous evening. When he finally did make the connection, Xander flashed a little fang without going into game face and growled an answer.

"You only have a temporary pass with me what with the whole Cordelia friend package, so I wouldn't push it if I were you," Xander pointed out in a flat tone of voice that would have warned his friends that he was dangerously angry. Gunn wasn't one of his friends, and Gunn didn't take the warning.

"I'm not afraid of any vamp. Really not afraid of some half starved fledge." Gunn's casual answer angered Xander to the core of his being. The man in front of him was a human, an animal barely evolved past crawling in the swamp. Xander was a demon. He belonged to a race that had ruled earth before humans had crawled out of the mire, and he could feel the ancient demonic powers flowing through him. And still, this animal threatened him. Xander slipped into game face before even realizing it, and he stepped forward intent on stopping such insolence.

Gunn swung his crossbow up, and Xander lunged. With one hand he hit the crossbow so hard that the front curve snapped and the weapon flew from Gunn's grasp. With his other hand, he grabbed Gunn by the neck and pushed the man back and out of the room until he had him up against the wall.

"Xander!!" a female voice broke through his rage, and Xander glanced over at the familiar and shocked face. For a half second he saw another animal throwing herself against his strength, and then he blinked at the image became Cordelia pulling against the arm he was using to hold Gunn. "Let him go mister or I swear I'll make you the sorriest vamp on the planet. You'll have more to brood about than Angel." Despite the threat, Xander felt a surge of affection rise for the woman who had given him some of his greatest and most humiliating moments. He released Gunn and let Cordelia pull him back a few feet.

"You better watch your back there, Zeppo." Gunn did a good imitation of a vampire snarl as he rubbed his neck.

"I'm not the one who needs to worry," Xander offered quietly and the hall became silent.

"Yes, well, I think right now we need to focus on the common goal of getting Angel back. Perhaps these other conflicts can wait until..."

"Right. We'll get Angel back and then I'm out of here." Xander turned back to Angel's room and started opening drawer after drawer in search of socks to make the large boots wearable.

"Xander?" Cordy stood at the doorway, and for the first time, Xander saw faint traces of the fear and doubt he'd seen in Willow's eyes.

"I made a mistake coming here," Xander said. He'd made more mistakes than that, but coming to LA was the mistake he was willing to admit to. "I'll help you find Angel and then I'll leave." Xander silently added a lot more to that comment in his head. He'd leave before the doubt and fear pushed out all other emotions in Cordelia's eyes. He'd leave before he killed Gunn and earned a stake in the heart. He'd leave before he had another sire knock him unconscious and leave him outside to wait for sunrise. Maybe it was time to work on the whole fear of fire thing.

Xander found the socks and pulled out three heavy pairs before sitting on the bed and using vamp speed to pull on socks and the oversized boots. Good enough fit for him to start tracking.

"Where did you last see him?"

"On the street just outside of the courtyard," Wesley answered, and Xander walked out of the room. In the hall he passed Gunn who now held half the broken crossbow in a fist, clearly prepared to stake him. Xander snorted his disgust for the human as he hurried down the stairs and out the door.

In the small courtyard, the smell of fear and electricity lingered in the stone, a strange contrast against the sweet night-blooming jasmine. Xander walked to the center of the unsettling scents. Ozone from and electrical discharge. Sire scent. Humans, at least two he could identify. Fear. Adrenaline. Xander started walking toward the gate, following the scents.

At the street, the trail ended in a stream of diesel and gasoline and oil and asphalt, but not before Xander got an indication of direction. Knowing he had almost no chance of finding anything and knowing that Angel might already be dead and even knowing that finding Angel meant being rejected in person, Xander still started walking. It was all he could do, and he had never learned how to give up.

"Where are you going?" Wesley asked as he followed.

"I have no idea," Xander admitted as he kept walking down the dark sidewalk. There was no scent trail at all to follow now, and Xander knew he might as well be looking for a literal needle in a haystack.

"Can you follow the trail?" Wes squinted down the darkened street.

"No."

"Then... why?" Wesley followed Xander for a couple of hundred feet before Xander answered. Glancing back, he could see Cordy and Gunn still standing back by the hotel, and Xander struggled for an answer that he didn't have. Then again, he was never answer-boy. That was Giles' job description. Or sometimes Oz's. Oz could give some good answers when he actually got around to talking.

"I don't know what else to do," Xander finally admitted.

"Come back to the hotel then," Wesley's hand landed on his arm, and Xander allowed the man to stop him. Looking into Wes' eyes, Xander could see the caution, the worry that one wrong move could mean Xander killing him. Xander had no idea why that look bothered him, but it did.

"I don't belong there, Wes. If Angel's out there, I'll find him and send him home. If not..." Xander didn't answer that question. Really, in the end his future wouldn't change whether or not he found Angel, but he didn't want to think that his sire might turn to dust before him. "Just go back and take care of Cordy for me," Xander finally finished.

"Xander," Wes said uncertainly.

"Wes. Go back." Xander insisted. They stood under the light of a yellow streetlamp staring into each other's eyes, and Xander could feel Wes's hand on his arm pulling him back toward the hotel. However, Wes didn't have the strength to budge him, and the man eventually let his hand fall down to his side. "Please," Xander added. Wesley's shoulders dropped as he took a step backwards towards the Hyperion. Xander turned away from the human and started walking.