I fall to pieces

I fall to pieces_6

“Spike? You ok?” Buffy was getting a little worried. Spike had been completely silent since she told him he was sexy in vampface.

“I…I…” Spike was having trouble stopping the tears that were threatening to fall. “Buffy…” Leaning forward he gently pressed his ridged forehead against her shoulder.

Still straddling him her fingers curled into the hair at the nape of his neck, Buffy held him quietly until he was ready to speak, she kept her fingers moving through his platinum locks, soothing him with her gentle touch.

“You…” Spike took a deep breath, caught her eyes with his and started again. “You…Buffy…I am overwhelmed…I never…I never knew it could be like this…you’ve gotten inside of me luv, in ways I didn’t think were possible…you captivate me…always have…there’ll never be another woman who could ever ever make me think twice…there isn’t anything that will ever stop me loving you…I’d kill for you. I’d die for you. Bloody hell woman if it were possible I would search out my soul and offer it to you…anything…” Tears were falling freely from both of their eyes as he spoke.

There was an intensity to his gaze that gripped her heart, it clenched painfully. “Spike I…”

“I know you don’t love me Buffy. I know I’m just…a soulless monster to you…but that you let me be near you, touch you…it means so much to me…”

“You’re not though…Spike I see the man beneath the monster…I know you can be a good man…I feel it in every touch, every word…I can feel your love…it makes me…it lifts me and I feel free. For the first time in my life I feel free. I am falling for you and one day…one day...it’s gonna take some time…I’ve been hurt and it’s hard for me to just give my heart away so easily…”

“I understand that luv. Got nothin’ but time. I…I’ve wanted you for so long…to touch you…feel you…taste your lips…” His hands cupped her face and he pulled her closer to him. He kissed her tenderly, passionately. Breaking the kiss he gazed intensely into her eyes. “I can wait as long as it takes Buffy.”

Laying her gently onto the bed he hovered over her, his fingers dancing lightly against her skin. Buffy shivered in anticipation as Spike positioned himself at her heated core, rubbing himself gently in the moisture he found there he slid in slowly to the hilt. “Home…I’m home inside of you.” He whispered gently licking the shell of her ear.

“Uhhh.” Buffy cried out, slowly bringing her hips up to meet his.

Spike inched out and slowly pushed back in. “Buffy…oh luv…can you feel me? How I fill you up?”

“Yes Spike…oh god yes…so perfect…ohhhhhh” She moaned softly arching into him. Her fingernails dug into his shoulders. Spike lifted slightly, one hand moving torturously slow to cup her breast. He kept his eyes locked with hers, her nails digging into his shoulders spurring him on. He began thrusting faster.

Her arms moved to curl around his biceps. “Spike…oh god…” She wailed, rocking her hips faster to meet his thrusts.

“That’s it…that’s my girl…” He murmured into her ear.

“Yes…your girl Spike…only yours…” She whispered. She turned her head to the side, her neck fully exposed. Spike gazed at his mark on her neck wanting so badly to let his demon out. His tongue darted out and traced the inflamed flesh, causing Buffy to writhe beneath him in ecstasy. He nibbled at his mark with blunt teeth. Buffy screamed his name as she exploded.

The tightening of her walls milking him, hearing her scream his name Spike let out an animalistic roar of pleasure as his features shifted he let his seed loose deep within her womb. Resting his head against her for a few moments he took a few deep breaths to calm himself. Still trembling with emotion, he rolled off of her and pulled her into his arms.

Buffy rested her head against his shoulder. “Spike?” She whispered.

“Yeah luv?” He whispered back.

“Thank you. For loving me so much…for being what I need…”

“How could I not luv? How could I not?”

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Angel walked the whole of Sunnydale, each step he took making him angrier and more bitter. He caught the scent and feel of the impending sunrise and glanced around at his surroundings. His demon was screaming for him to give up this foolish hunt and seek shelter. He’d never make it back to Giles’ flat before the sun came up. ‘Guess I’ll have hole up in the mansion for the day.’ He thought bitterly. ‘At least I’ll be able to see her at home when she goes for dinner.’

Stepping into the mansion and shutting the door behind him he caught her scent. His demon took over.

Listening carefully he heard the beating of her heart. Relieved he inhaled deeply suddenly he realizing there were other scents mixed in with Buffy’s unique one. ‘Spike.’ His blood boiled. ‘Sex.’ That had his demon snarling and he made his way towards the door the mixture of scents was emanating from.


Standing silently at the open door he glanced towards the bed. Feeling for the stake he always kept on him he calmed slightly at the comforting heaviness in his pocket.

The demon inside him raged as he saw her, She was laying flat on her back, Spike was pressed up against her side, and courtesy of the blanket not being pulled up all the way he was enraged further by Spike’s hand cupping her bare breast, and Buffy’s hand curled possessively around Spike’s bicep.

Angrily stalking over to the bed Angel grabbed Spike by the neck, hauling him up he growled ferally.

Startled by Spike being ripped from her side Buffy awoke. She was unable to move, seeing Angel brought back all of the pain and inadequacy she felt.

“What did you do to her? Did you drug her?” He screamed pushing Spike up against the wall and pinning him there with his hand around his childe’s neck. Digging in his pocket he pulled out the stake. He thrust it against Spike’s chest, not going in all the way, just enough to hurt. Angel grinned in satisfaction at the blood that pooled against the sharpened tip.

Buffy was frozen. She took in great big gulps of air as she brought the sheet up around her and tried to fight the rising panic. Tears formed in her eyes and she let out a wail as they started to fall.

Spike glanced towards her, unconcerned with his sire. The look on her face, as she stared at Angel broke his heart. ‘She still loves him.’ Knowing what he had to do, and hating himself for it he smirked at Angel. “I've gotta wager this little tableau must sting a bit, eh? Me and your former? Must kill. What can I say? She’s amazing you bloody pouf. Can’t believe you left her.”

Angel growled and pushed slightly on the stake. Spike grinned further, masking the pain in his heart with the violence he so badly wanted to inflict on his sire. Bringing his fist up he smashed it into Angel’s nose. He heard the satisfying crunch of bone as Angel thrust the stake home.

Angel cried out in shock as Spike gripped his wrist, still holding the stake and twisted it. He heard the loud snap as his wrist broke under the pressure his childe was applying. ‘He didn’t dust. HE DIDN”T DUST.’ Falling to his knees in shock he didn’t see Spike’s knee coming at his nose. Angel fell back onto the floor with a thud.

Spike picked up his jeans and pulled them on. He quickly stepped into his boots. Gathering the rest of his belongings he quickly made his way to the door.

Buffy had finally opened her eyes. Realizing Spike was making his way towards the door she cried out. “Spike…” Her voice was hoarse from crying.

Spike stopped, keeping his back to her he spoke softly. “I know you still love him Slayer…” He made his way out the door. Hearing her get out of bed, and hearing her harsh sobs Spike assumed she was leaning over Angels knocked out carcass. Letting the tears fall freely he walked out into the sunlight and didn’t look back.

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Buffy watched him walk towards the door. “Spike…” She wanted to run to him, wanted him to turn around and look at her. His next words sickened her. ‘I know you still love him Slayer…’

‘I do. Yes. But I want you!’ She wanted to scream but her voice wouldn’t cooperate. She got from the bed and fell to her knees, sobs wracking her tiny frame. ‘He left me. Spike left me…why does it hurt so much more than when Angel did?’ Wrapping her arms around herself she let the pain wash over her, drawing her further down into despair.

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Spike found himself outside the university. It was where he realized he wanted her. He sat on the grass, just watching students walking around campus. ‘Strange. I really don’t want to eat any of them.’ He thought to himself. ‘Guess I’m really not the big bad anymore.’ Sadly he lay back and let his love for Buffy warm him.

“Hey…Uh…hey….are you ok?”

Spike glanced up and saw a shy, nervous young girl standing beside him. ‘Need to get these feelings out. Poncy William has come for a visit.’ He smiled sadly at her. “Fine luv. You wouldn’t happen to have a pen and paper I could borrow…would you?” He turned his charming smile on her.

The girl smiled nervously, digging around in her bag she pulled out some paper and a pen. “Thanks luv.”

He watched her walk away slowly; from the beating of her heart he knew she was hoping he’d call her back. It just wasn’t in him right now to play games.

‘I love you Buffy. I want you to be happy…but how am I supposed to go on…without you…now that I…’

Leaning over the paper with tears in his eyes he began to write.

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“She didn’t come to class. And I’m sure it was Spike I saw sitting on the grass outside the quad…” Willow said into the phone.

“Is he still there?” Giles asked.

“I don’t know…as soon as I saw him I came to phone you…”

“Well Angel didn’t come back last night…”

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‘I know my poems usually don’t go over well with the women I love…but maybe if she knows how I feel…’ Before he could change his mind Spike stuffed the neatly folded paper into the mailbox and walked away.

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Buffy woke to a cool soothing touch. Moaning softly she opened her eyes and looked into his brown orbs. ‘Brown? That’s not right. It’s NOT right.’ Her mind, body and soul were screaming for Spike.

“How dare you? How fucking dare you Angel…” She growled punching him in the face.

“Wha…Buffy…I’m sorry…I came back…I’m so sorry. I changed my mind. I want to be with you.”

Buffy laughed humorlessly. “You know what…two days ago…I wanted nothing more than to hear you say those words. But you were right Angel. It’s not enough.” She glared at him. “The only reason you want me back is cause I’m with Spike and you can’t handle it.”

“Spike is an evil soulless…”

“Watch your mouth Angelus.” Buffy growled.

Angel reeled back in shock. “What did he do to you? Buffy you couldn’t possibly…” He then caught sight of the mark on her neck. “He claimed you?” Grabbing her roughly by the chin he tilted her head to the side, growling low in his throat. “How could you let him do that?”

“Mine.” He growled it possessively into my ear. She remembered it now with perfect clarity. “It’s none of your business Angel. I expect you gone when the sun sets.” Buffy got up from the floor and picked up her cloths strewn about the room.

“Buffy…Buffy! Come on now, stop. You can't just walk away from me.”

”What part of punching you in the face do you not understand?”

”So we had a fight. I still love you. It doesn't change anything.”

”It changes everything, Angel! I want you out. I want you out of this town, I don’t want you coming back here interfering with my life. You told me to move on. You told me to find someone who loves me, who can take me out into the sun…I’ve found that with Spike. I don’t want you screwing up what we have. Understand?”

”No, it's not that easy. Spike is a vampire Buffy. He’s a monster. He can’t walk in the sun. It's not real, he’s lying to you…and there's nothing that would ever make me understand how you could choose him. Like it or not, I'm in your life, you can't just shut me out.”

“I don’t want to hear it.” She said softly. Turning her back to him she went to find another room to dress in.

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“S…Spike? It’s….how did you get in here? In the front door? In the sunlight?” Willy asked trembling.

“Don’t want to talk about it you pillock. Get me a drink.” Spike growled taking a seat at the bar. “While you’re at it, leave the bottle.” He tossed a few bills on the bar.

Quickly snatching up the crumpled bills and shooting the vampire a suspicious glance Willy left a bottle and shot glass in front of Spike.

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“Mom?…Mom?” Buffy called as she walked into the house.

“Buffy? Oh Buffy!” Joyce cried, coming from the Kitchen. She grabbed Buffy in a tight hug.

“I didn’t go to class today…” Buffy said softly.

“That’s ok. I’m just glad you’re ok…”

“I’m fine…I…mom…I” Tears fell and she closed her eyes.

“Shhh Buffy. What is it?” She asked rubbing soothing circles on her back.

“I spent the night with someone…” Buffy glanced up at her mother’s face, gauging her reaction.

Joyce swallowed hard. “Are you ok? You seem pretty upset.” Joyce didn’t want to ask her next question, but couldn’t stop herself. “Did he hurt you? Force you to do something…”

“No…no mom, nothing like that…Spike wouldn’t…” Buffy’s eyes widened as she realized she had blurted out his name.

“Spike?” Joyce’s brows knit together in thought. “But I thought…”

“It’s really complicated…I don’t think anyone is going to understand…but I want to be with him mom. Angel found us this morning and he flipped out. He…”

“He was here last night…with the gang…”

The doorbell rang. Joyce glanced up. “Go on into the kitchen honey. I’ll make you some Coco…”

Buffy nodded and walked slowly towards the kitchen.

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“It was a delivery…” She said placing the box on the counter. She put the mail down on top of the box and went to the cupboard to get the things she needed to make Coco.

Buffy noticed a piece of loose-leaf in the mail. She pulled it from the bottom of the pile. It was folded neatly and had her name written on the outside. Buffy stared at the writing, not recognizing it.

“Do you want tiny marshmallows?” Joyce asked, not turning around.

“Uh…sure…” Buffy said softly. She unfolded the note and began to read.

Take back the kiss that stole my breath
The touch I yearned to sense
Remove the aching from my breast
Do away with... 'remembrance.'

Help me, when I close my eyes
Not to see your face
Take back the feel of your caress
The hold of your embrace.

Make the pain just go away
Give me back my heart
Take the memories of that day
You tore my world apart.

Tell me that you're miserable
No wait- say you long for me
Say it was all a big mistake
And, with me, you long to be.

Cup my face with both your hands
And tell me I'm beautiful
Say the words I long to hear
"I'll never let you go."

“Mom…I have to go and find him…” Her voice was raw with emotion. She left the paper lying on the counter as she ran from the house.

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End Chapter SIX. Hope you’re still with me on this one… Please let me know.

Poem by Tyler R. Converse