Altered Perception

Awakening

Xander came to and gasped, where the hell was he? Everything was white and there was nothing there. Literally nothing, no shapes, no walls, no floor yet he was standing. It was seriously wigging him out, “I apologise, usually we make this part easier, conform to peoples expectations a little. For most it’s the whole clouds, white robes and harps deal but you Alexander, you are rather unique” a benevolent voice spoke to Xander although he couldn’t tell where from. “OK, now I’m majorly freaked, I’m guessing I’m dead which, OK not great, but I’m more concerned as to where exactly I am and who the hell are you?” Xander demanded, “As to where you are well I suppose you could say you’re at a juncture, and as to who I am… well you can call me Bob”. “Bob?!” Xander snorted incredulously “well Bob, where are you? Why can’t I see you? I am so not talking to invisible voices, everyone knows it’s the first sign of madness” ‘Bob’ chuckled and said “actually the first sign of madness is when they answer back, but that’s not particularly helpful in your case is it Alexander?” “Can you stop calling me that?” Xander paced in exasperation “If you know me you’ll know everyone calls me Xander, well except for Spike, he calls me whelp, boy, idiot or if he’s feeling exceptionally magnanimous it’s Harris” he paused for a moment though, remembering the way Spike had called him Xander, pet and luv before he ended up here and his heart ached, swallowing the pain he continued “but you Bob can call me Xander.” “My apologies Al- Xander, Now as I’ve explained albeit briefly, where you are and what I look like are ultimately up to you, as I’ve said usually we are prepared for someone to arrive here. Their beliefs and expectations are known and their arrival here pre-destined and so when they get here they are greeted by their idea of heaven and see their idea of a guardian, guide whatever term you like. You however, took us by surprise Xander, we didn’t expect to see you here for at least 3 years and so were completely unprepared. If you would allow me the liberty however…”

Everything around Xander flashed a brilliant white and he was momentarily blinded. When the spots dissipated however he was amazed to see a setting that looked remarkably like the Bronze only with no people and no noise. On a tall table with 2 stools sat a pitcher of root beer and on one of the stools sat presumably Bob who looked remarkably like Sir Alec Guiness in full Obi Wan Kenobi get-up. He looked down at himself and grinned ruefully then glanced back at Xander, gesturing with his hand only the other stool slid out from the table allowing Xander space to seat himself, Bob waved him forward. As Xander sat Bob grinned and said “this is a first, usually it’s something biblical an angel or a seraphim or suchlike. On the odd occasion it may be an already deceased family member, acting as a guide more than anything. Once I was Morgan Freeman which was amusing but this is the first time I’ve ever been a Jedi” Xander couldn’t help but grin back, he reached out tentatively then with more confidence as Bob grinned and nodded until he touched his arm. “Wow, I can touch you, I’m touching Obi Wan Kenobi, OK now I know I’m dead” his smile dropped as he said the words, realising that he would never see Willow again, knowing how hard this would hit Giles and lamenting that he and Spike never got to have that kiss.

Seeing the sadness on his face Bob patted his hand then reached to pour them both a glass of root beer, “Xander, this may come as a surprise to you but you’re not dead. Well, technically you are, right at this moment I mean. That’s not to say it wont happen but there’s a possibility. It all hangs in the balance at the moment” Xander’s head shot up, “what do you mean I’m not dead but I am technically? Can you stop speaking in riddles for one minute and just run that by the idiot in the corner one more time?” Bob gestured to the large flat screen TV mounted on the wall that had until now gone unnoticed by Xander “watch” Bob said gently and the screen flickered to life. Xander sat in silence watching as a paramedic worked frantically over him attempting to resuscitate him, his gaze however was not drawn to the morbidly fascinating scene of his own body giving up the fight for life but the small, broken figure of Spike, huddled in the corner of the ambulance, crying steadily but silently as he watched helplessly at the same scene. Unnoticed he had started to cry himself, because never in his life, or his death for that matter did he ever want to see Spike crying as though his heart were breaking. Because of the missed opportunities, Spike obviously cared for him maybe even loved him and for so long they had hidden behind masks from each other when they could have had weeks maybe even months together before being separated. But to have just found out then have it ripped away from him was too much to bear “please shut it off” he whispered, his voice raspy with suppressed sobs.

“Xander, I didn’t mean to upset you. I simply meant to show you what I meant when I said that it’s not yet decided” Bob said quietly, “you mean I can go back?” Xander asked hopefully, “well…” Bob’s tone was thoughtful “yes it’s a possibility. But as I’ve said it’s dependant on the outcome of decisions that are out of your hands”. “What decisions? Made by who then? Man this fucking sucks” he slumped back again turning what he knew was his pitiful face on Bob. “The decision will be made by William, known to you as Spike. He has indicated that he would do anything to have you back and unfortunately that claim is going to be put to the test. He has the capacity for such goodness, there is a prophecy that tells of a vampire with a soul, the Powers That Be have always believed the prophecy to relate to Angelus, childe of Darla, of the line of Aurelius. However, revelations of late have led them to reconsider their position, the believe the prophecy may in fact be about Spike.”

Xander absorbed what Bob had said, “OK, first off, gotta say I’m not a huge fan of the Powers that Be right now. Seems to me I’m being treated like some sort of…-“ he trailed off, “butt-monkey?” Bob offered in an alarmingly faux-innocent tone that reminded Xander too much of Spike. Xander scowled at him “Xander, you have been on the PtB’s radar for a considerable length of time now, no-one is treating you as though you don’t matter. The fact is that you will have a pivotal role to play in the coming apocalypse, whether with Spike and the rest of your family fighting for humanity, or on a larger scale, fighting as a warrior for the PtB on a different plane of existence altogether. Fighting not for humanity but for the perseverance of good as an entity, however as I’ve said we believe you to be crucial in ensuring that evil does not emerge victorious.”

Xander nodded abashed, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to, well I’m not exactly sure what to say to that. I mean, what do you say to something like that?” Xander raked his hands through his hair, “I’m no-one, I mean I have nothing to offer. God did that sound self-pitying or what? I’m OK at the whole Scoobie stuff, I mean I can fight OK and I’ve come up with a good plan or two in my time but I’m not a slayer, or a witch or a warrior. I’m just me, I think the PtB have got the wrong guy Bob.” As he said this another thought occurred to him, “and how can this prophecy be about Spike? You said it was about a vampire with a soul right? Well hate to break it to you Bob but Spike is soulless, chipped yes but souled no siree” satisfied that this disproved everything Bob had said so far he sat back smug. Bob simply smiled at him before replying “Ah, well that’s not strictly true. None of it really, let’s take you first shall we? No, you’re not a slayer or a witch or a watcher for that fact, but you do see Xander, you see so much because you have always thought that you don’t deserve to be watched yourself. Or you don’t want to be seen, for example, hiding an at best neglectful and at worst abusive home life from friends and teachers? However, lately you have come to realise that you have qualities that deserve recognition, that you don’t have to hide from people behind a mask or construct. And this acceptance will lead to a development of your latent abilities, eventually you will gain the ability to See across time and the potential branches of decisions and actions.”

Xander was stunned into silence, See? Like Cordy was a Seer? He’d kept in touch with her when she left for LA, they’d regularly emailed and she’s told him about Doyle, his attempts to get Angel to reconnect with people, she’d later told him of Doyle’s death and he could sense her grief from her emails. She’d seemed to improve though shortly afterwards, Wesley joining Team Angel and her discovery of her gift from Doyle left her feeling in her words ‘connected to something bigger’. Maybe he would get that too? Before he could ask any more questions though Bob spoke again “and regarding Spike, whilst it’s true that he doesn’t have a soul as such at the moment he does have approximately half a soul” he paused his head cocked slightly as though listening to something far away “make that just over half, this grieving over you is definitely bringing it back.” Xander gawped “what? Sorry I sort of lost you about a mile back there.”

Bob sighed wearily “long story short, Spike is unique, when he was turned he retained a huge proportion of his humanity. In fact, he had little to no bloodlust, it was only Angelus’ influence that raised it and even then he was never cruel to the innocent. He would select his victims carefully, killing only the evil. Angelus used to accredit it to Drusilla being the one that turned him, her attempts to turn even minions had never gone well and so he had not had high hopes for her attempts at turning a childe. In reality Spike never lost his soul when he was turned, it was simply suppressed by the demon.” “Sort of like Angel’s soul suppresses Angelus, apart from the times when he loses it that is” Xander interrupted excitedly, he thought he was beginning to understand this.
“Yes” Bob smiled at him “William became Spike in response to Angelus becoming Angel and leaving their family, the loss almost destroyed him and in order to survive the crippling pain he wrapped himself in layers of spite and hatred, adopting the persona of Spike and inadvertently suppressing his soul further. His capture by the Initiative, the chip and the choices he has made since then however have allowed him to form true bonds based on love, friendship and loyalty and this has allowed the soul to re-emerge in force.”

Xander reached for the glass of soda sitting on the table, he was pleased that it hadn’t warmed in the time they had sat there, one of the perks of being in a non-dimensional space he supposed. “In order for Spike to fully regain his soul he will need you Xander. Only through true love and acceptance will he merge, demon and soul entirely. This is something Angel can never hope to achieve, his soul is a curse. Spike’s is part of who he is, who he always has been. He can exist without the soul, but it is likely he will never reach his full potential.” Xander nodded, “OK, so you’ve got me convinced Bob, something bad is going to go down. Me and Spike are important in making sure we kick its ass and we need to be together, like together together to make it work, am I right so far?” Bob nodded, apparently amused at Xander’s casual summary of everything they had discussed. “OK, so we’re on the same page. I notice you still haven’t explained exactly what sort of decisions need to be made before I get back there. Who is it that needs to do something to get me back?” Bob drained his glass in one long swallow and setting it back on the table in front of him he looked Xander straight in the eye he gave the answer that Xander had somehow known was coming. “Spike”…

AN - Ok so I was so pleased to get a review so soon after posting that I finished this chapter and made great headway on another tonight rather than my original plan to sort out my attic. Oh well, there's always tomorrow. Hope you enjoy, it's still more plotty than anything at the moment but bear with me, the good stuff is coming.