A Spandery Fairy Tale (part 1 of 6)(*Complete*)

(A/N: Co-written with Nash)


"Oh don't look like that, I'm not kicking you out. Come on, I'll make you breakfast." Xander walked past the sofa without looking at Spike and started getting out the ingredients for a peanut butter sandwich.

Well... he was in a better mood than yesterday, or so Spike thought as he followed Xander to the kitchen. Having prevented Xander's stress release plans last night, he'd expected worse. Much worse than....He started to smell a familiar aroma.

"Is that what I think it is?" His mouth watered as he was struck by memories of the good old days, sharing Mom's cooking. A sandwich. That's what Xander was making for breakfast!

It felt right, sitting at the breakfast table while Xander cooked. If felt right. If only Xander would feel it too.

"Yup. Figured if there was one thing you missed about this world it'd be peanut butter. And...erm...I promised you last night that I'd give you some if you woke up. There's coke in the fridge."

Xander turned his back on Spike, ostenibly to finish the sandwich. He heard Spike move around behind him,

"I don't do dates. Or talking. Or playing. I'm not very good at it, people tend to leave me when I try." Despite the internal turmoil, his tone was even, sure. He knew what he was talking about and he knew that he was right. He just wasn't good at being with other people, he'd never learned how.

"Told you I wouldn't do that again," Spike said in a quiet voice. Putting his hands on Xander's shoulders, he turned him around. "You won't believe me. Believe this." He kissed Xander, winding his arms around the guy, pulling him up hard against his frame. Exploring every inch of that glorious mouth, and sliding his hand up and down his back. What Xander wouldn't listen to in words, Spike hoped he'd listen with his body... and mostly his soul. Hear me

Xander drowned in that kiss, lost in the feeling of Spike wrapped around him. He let himself feel for a while, ignoring his mind screaming at him that he shouldn't do this, Spike would leave again. His brain finally won and he pulled back, breathing hard and staring at Spike.

"I...how do I know, Spike? How do I...I don't even know why you left the first time! You're not human, you could go home at any time and I'd be stuck here, alone again."

"How?" Spike jabbed him in the chest, where Xander's heart should be. "Because you bloody well better feel it here. You did before, you believed in me... that's why you could see me. I used to listen to your heart when you slept. It put me to sleep at nights, I missed its sound for so long, couldn't sleep without it. Know this, I wouldn't break it on purpose."

Dropping his eyelids to cover his pain, Spike took the sandwich from the counter. "And know this. I am not part of the stress relief brigade. Not anymore." Lifting his chin, he finally met Xander's gaze again. "Not with you. I can't."

Xander dropped his eyes and took a step back. "Yeah, well, we have a problem then don't we? Because I don't know if I can trust that and you don't want what I can offer." He knew Spike wasn't rejecting him, he knew it. But knowing it and feeling it were too different things. "I have to get to work," he mumbled and moved around Spike to the door.

Without turning, Spike bit into the sandwich. It tasted like sawdust. Not at all like how he remembered.

*

Xander went to work, feeling like shit. On the one hand he wasn't about to lie to anyone just to get sex, he couldn't tell Spike he was going to give him something when he wasn't sure he could. On the other hand...he wanted so much to believe that Spike would stay. He was so focused on his inner misery he barely noticed it was lunch time.

"God, I'm turning into the brood king," he said, disgusted with himself for thinking like that. What the hell was Spike doing to him? Making him think he could have things like that?

He went to stand by the window, staring out at his crew. They seemed to be having fun, all gathered around a truck and bopping to the music. Xander wanted to join them so badly but he'd never been able to bring himself to just go there and chat. As he watched, a little girl ran towards the men, taking a running jump to land in John's arms. Must be his daughter, Xander thought absently. He'd never been able to do that, trust his father enough to jump and know he'd be caught. The girl was followed at a more sedate pace by a woman, who leaned forward and kissed John.

"You left your medicine at home, sweetheart. You know you can't work with a headache."

Xander kept watching as John pulled his wife in a hug, still holding his daughter to his chest.

"You always take care of me, don't you?"

Xander kept staring, unaware of the tears running down his cheeks. He wanted that so badly, someone to treat him like that. Someone who could take care of him. He closed his eyes and leaned against the wall. Maybe a date with Spike wasn't so impossible.
With the preternatural quiet of his kind, Spike entered Xander's office. The sight of water... tears on Xander's cheeks wrenched at his gut. Dropping the boxed lunches on his desk, he found himself in front of Xander, using his thumbs to wipe away the tears. "Tell me who it is I should kill," he offered simply.

Xander jumped back in surprise, hitting the wall with a bang.

"Ouch. That keeps happening around you. What are you doing here? Why would you kill someone?"

"I want to know who made you cry." He stared at him. "Just give me his name."

Xander raised his eyebrows, looking at Spike in disbelief. "You want to kill the guy who made me cry? Why?"

"It's like knitting, a pastime." Spike could tell he wasn't going to get a name. Despite his hard as nails act, Xander's heart was as soft and gooey as ever. At least when it came to some things.

Leaning back against the edge of the desk, he gestured toward the boxes. "Brought you some lunch. You ran out of there so fast, didn't have time to make anything, did you."

"You brought me lunch?" Xander looked from Spike to the packed boxes and back to Spike again. "You brought me lunch. And you want to kill the guy who made me cry. I don't understand."

"Don't teach you much in human schools, do they?" Tearing open one of the boxes, he reached for the peanutbutter cookie. He didn't have to eat, none of this had nutritional value for him. But he enjoyed the flavor of food. "Go on then, eat before ut gets cold."

Still staring uncomprehendingly at Spike, Xander reached out for a sandwich. He looked outside at the laughing family and back to Spike, perched on his desk and smiling tentatively at him.

"Thanks," he said softly, smiling back. Maybe going on a date wouldn't be so bad.

Xander tried to work up the nerve to telll Spike what he thought when someone knocked on the door.

"Yeah?"

Steve walked in slowly, hovering a little next to the door before stepping inside.

"Hey...look I know you don't want to hang with us much but the guys are going out tonight, sort of a goodbye thing for Harry and you two worked together for years and we thought you might want to come."

Spike saw Xander working his mouth, and interrupted before a sound came out. "I'll make sure he's there," Spike looked at Xander and flashed his most innocent smile. "We were going out tonight anyway, might as well kill two birds with one stone."

"We were?" Xander curbed his surprise at the hopeful look in Steve's face. The guy seemed to have made it a personal mission to make Xander be part of the group. "Erm...yeah we were. I mean, it's okay if Spike comes too, right?" He hated sounding so uncertain but he wasn't sure how to take this.

"I'm pretty domesticated, don't bite," Spike said, puffing his chest. Why should anyone object to his presence anyway. Though he kept his face and tone impassive, Xander was as close to getting hugged and swung around as he'd ever been. It was a good the boy had no clue.

"No, no it's fine!" Steve hastened to add, fighting the urge to shout in triumph. Not only was Xander coming, he was bringing the boyfriend too! Steve had been trying to come out to his workmates for weeks and having another gay guy around would be a surefire way to see their reaction. Especially seeing as the gay guy was their boss. "I'll tell the guys. It's cool." Seeing the indecision in Xander's face, Steve hastened to leave, not wanting to give his boss a chance to change his mind.

Xander looked at the closing door, trying to make sense of what was going on. It seemed to him that he'd gone from not wanting Spike around to contemplating a date to going out with Spike and a bunch of his coworkers too.

"Well that was...surreal." He turned his gaze to the blond, "What just happened?"

"You scored a date with me. Congratulations, now eat... and can I have your peanut butter biscuit?" He couldn't quiet keep the merriment out of his eyes. It didn't take much to get a fairy happy.

Xander absently handed over the biscuit, still trying to figure out how he went from one end to the other.

*

By the time they were due to meet the others at the local bar, Xander was a mass of nerves. He was standing outside the bar, his head swimming in all kinds of panicked thoughts. What if they didn't like him? He hadn't really talked much to anyone in the past couple of years. What if they did like him but not enough to hang out with him after tonight? What if they were gay bashers?! What if-

"'Lo, Xan. Nice of you to wait for me out here," Spike slapped him on the back lightly. "You alright? Need something strong, do you?" He wished he could kiss him better, but didn't know how much the guy's friends knew about him. "You can do anything for an hour, then we'll leave. I can break you into this date thing a little at a time," he winked.

"I don't do dates," Xander replied automatically, still staring at the door. He didn't want to show weakness in front of Spike, didn't want to come off looking needy and dependant. He still didn't trust Spike not to leave.

That didn't stop him walking that little bit closer to Spike after they went into the bar, or sitting next to him at the table.

"A beer and a coke, and some peanuts," Spike stared right back at the cocktail waitress who looked as if she was about to burst into laughter. What.... had he shifted to fairy shape or something? Was she waiting for money? "He's paying, he's the one who's got the big time job."

Good, that had her moving to the bar. "What? Now you're making the same face as her!" And Xander on the edge of laughter made Spike extremely happy. "Care to share the joke?"

Xander fought the urge to burst into giggles at Spike's faux injured look. He felt a small laugh escape and before he knew what he was doing he'd pressed his lips against Spike's kissing the pout away. It was only as he was drawing back that he realized they'd had a full audience. He turned to look at his coworkers, waiting anxiously for their reaction.

Spike pressed his thigh against Xander's, aware of the tenseness every muscle muscle in the boy's leg. He wasn't sure if the reason was that this had the appearance of a date, something Xander's co-workers hadn't ever seen, or if it was because he was gay, and that was something they didn't know. It had to be hard, being in the construction business and all.

"Steve," he nodded at the one person he recognized, "I'm Spike, you must be Harry... " Spike swept his hand toward the empty chairs. "Word is, boss is paying for the first round." If Xander's leg pressed harder against his, Spike didn't show it.

"Alright... boss is paying, makes up for all the times boss wasn't around to pay," Harry slapped Xander on the back and took a seat. He'd just won the mother of all bets. He'd guessed a long time ago that the reason Xander never went out with them was that he was hiding in the back of some closet. He should have known he didn't have to do that.
Steve pulled a chair over and sat down. His hands were sweaty, and he rubbed them on his jeans. "Maybe sometime we can go out. You guys, and my partner of five years."
All the eyes that had been staring at Xander, swung to Steve. There were a few nervous laughs as the guys started to sit down, then a couple of jokes.

"So I guess neither one of you will be taking my sister Maria off my hands. Damn... I was so hoping..."

Xander hadn't realized he'd pressed closer to Spike until the guys started joking around and he finally relaxed. He smiled his thanks to the blond and hesitantely joined in the laughter and the teasing, glancing at Spike for reassurance every once in a while. By the time the evening drew to a close his cheeks hurt from smiling so much and he was holding on to Spike's arm to keep himself upright.

After the others left, Spike and Xander moved to the bar for one last round. Spike ran his thumb over Xander's mouth. He knew that smile... He's missed that smile so bad it made him ache. Only question was, was it back for good, or was it the beers? "You've got some good friends there. Should make this a weekly thing, after hours on Fridays to blow off steam."

As he started to lift the coke glass to his mouth, he focused on the column of Xander's throat. Suddenly, he was hearing the rush of blood in his veins, and his heart driving the blood. A craving swept over him, so strong, he could hardly see. He'd forgotten to feed, and now he was sitting within touching distance of temptation....

He set the glass on the bar top and stood up. "I"ll be back, 'bout twenty minutes," he rasped.

"What? Why? Where are you going?"

Xander tried to keep the desperation out of his voice. He tried to tell himself that he didn't care and even if he did Spike was only going for twenty minutes but all his brain could grasp was that Spike was leaving again. You don't need him, remember?

"Never mind. Go. I was just going home anyway."

Based on Xander's reaction when he'd fed from him, he hadn't wanted to explain. But the hardness had come back into the boy's eyes, a look that said this was just what he'd expected, so he thought it best to tell it like it was. Even horror and disgust was better than going to squear one. Spike gripped Xander's arm. "Wait for me. I need... I just need to find someone. Feed."

"Feed? You mean with the blood? Like you did when we...like then?" Xander barely kept the squeek out of his voice. At the hesitant nod answering his question, Xander stood up, hands closing into fists, muscles tensing."You're gonna do that with someone else? Like that? You won't even let me kiss you and you're gonna go do that with someone else."

"Wha..." his head wasn't clear, not when his need was so great. "Xander, you didn't like it... I scared you with it, don't you remember? But I - have - to - feed. I have to." Jealous, was he? Spike's gaze latched onto the throbbing spot at the base of Xander's throat. "Don't plan on kissing anyone. Just taking blood. Different. The... the other stuff will be in our heads only..."

Spike started leaning toward Xander, and was almost overcome with desire... of another sort, as images of what they'd done in the kitchen the other morning invaded his mind. "Wait for me," he repeated, a desperate edge to his voice, aware that if Xander left, it might mean a closed door. But he couldn't wait, and he just managed not to stumble as he headed out the back door to look for a willing donor in the alley.

Xander stared after Spike, frozen in place by the need in Spike's voice and the realization that he wanted that. He wanted the need to be for him. He groaned and let his head fall on the bar. "Just fucking great. It was bad enough that you wanted the guy, now you have to go and need him too. Just. Great."

Xander ignored the bartender's sympathetic look and drunk steadily until Spike came back. He barely glanced at the blond's direction as he left the bar, the only indcation that he still wanted Spike to come home with him being the way he waited until Spike joined him outside.

In silence, Spike walked alongside Xander. The tension between them was so thick he could cut it with a knife. "I can't help it. I'm a vampire fairy. Comes with the territory. I'll try to make sure you don't see this side of me again," he said, "Everyone loves the magical fairies...."

Xander looked at Spike for the first time since they left the bar, taking in the pout and the downcast eyes. Xander started to lean forward, wanting to kiss the pout away again but drew back immediately. Spike had told him in no uncertain terms that he didn't want that from Xander. He didn't mind having it from some stranger at the bar but not from Xander. It's for the best anyway, at least this way I might be able to deal when he leaves.

Xander cleared his throat to get his voice working again. "I don't mind, Spike. You are who you are, right? You can have the couch if you want, I'll just crash now." He tried on a smile, hoping it worked and headed to bed.

Spike dropped down onto the couch and put his face in his hands. How had an evening that started off so good gone this bad? It was his fault, he should pay more attention to feeding. All that snack food and bubbly drink made him forget sometimes.

You are who you are, right? He sighed out loud. This was yet another hurdle they'd have to jump over. How many more would there be?

*

Xander woke up in the middle of the night, feeling the thirst that accompanied his alcohol-fest. He stumbled past a full-sized Spike sleeping on the couch, to the kitchen, grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and guzzled it down. On his way back to the bedroom he paused in front of the couch, looking down at the blond.

"Do you even know how much I missed you when you weren't there?" Xander whispered and moved on, freezing when he heard the soft 'missed you too Xan' coming from behind him. Xander went back to the sofa and kneeled on the floor next to it.

"Spike? Can you hear me?"

Spike 'mmm'ed softly and smiled in his sleep.

"Let's see now...do you like peanut butter?"

Another little uhumm from the sleeping figure.

This is so cool Xander thought, mentally rubbing his hands together in glee.

"Did you have sex with your blood-donor guy?" he whispered, holding his breath to better hear the answer

"No...no sex...food. Stayed small... " He muttered some other unintelligible words as well.

"What about the other stuff you said...in your head, what did you do in your heads?"

An innocent smile played on Spike's mouth. "Sex... yeah... must pay the human back, make him feel good. Want to swim in a pond of coke with me? All bubbly..."

Xander's eyes widened and he glared at the sleeping fairy.

"That's it, no more stuff for you! Next time you're having me. Okay?"

"Mmm like your blood best. Better than coke..."

Xander smiled a little, confident that Spike was telling the truth.

"Good."

Xander contemplated asking him who'd kept Spike away from him. But then he remembered how desperate Spike seemed the first time he'd asked. Maybe he shouldn't ask that... but hey, he had a way to get around the stupid fairy rules and find out what he wanted to know.

"Spike? Did you really try to come back to me?"

"Mmm... flying to Boy... yes... wanted to... can't ... not allowed.... tried... really tried."

Xander grinned again, feeling a weight lifted from his very soul.

"Thank you Spike," he whispered and dropped a soft kiss on Spike's lips.

It was a good dream. For once a good dream, and Spike didn't want to let it go. So he didn't. Reaching out, he grabbed his dream, he pulled his dream down over him, and held on tight. This dream smelled like Xander, felt like Xander. One day, it would be Xander. But until then... Spike kissed his dream as if it were Xander, kissed him till he was breathless, and then fell back into a deep sleep.

Xander snuggled down to Spike, nuzzling into the blond's neck and relaxing into his arms.

This is nice he thought, as sleep claimed him.


(A/N: I love feed back, and thank you so much for giving me some on the last chapter. I am not sure whether it is the custom and practice to respond to each comment here, and also, if it is... how to do so!)