What comes after

Chapter 5: Emptiness

“Is Ok, Buffy, it’s going to be Ok, Let’s go inside and meet the guys, I think I have an idea”

Buffy had been crying for half an hour without pause, Will had told her everything was going to be fine dozens of times, as she caressed her friends hair and back over and over, trying desperately to console her.
At the same time, Will’s brain had been working on overdrive to figure out something that may help.

The loud, hopeless sobs had been heard by Xander, and he had looked out the door, to see if he was needed, but a sign from Willow had send him back in, both Xander and Giles were know waiting in the living room.
Willow thought that if she was going to do what she intended to do, she was going to need them.

Buffy had stop crying and was breathing deeply, trying to control herself, she finally nodded to Will, and slowly they got up and made their way inside.

Xander saw Buffy and was going to get up from his chair to go to her, but Buffy shook her head, falling into the couch and saying, “I know, Xan, I’m happy you called Will here, thank you”.

Xander smiled, feeling better about life already, they would work something out. But his smile faded when he caught the look in Giles eyes.

Giles had not turned when the girls walked in, nor had he raised his eyes from the table he had in front of him.

“Is that table really that interesting, I’d never noticed before”. Buffy was back to a very irritated state, things had been almost back to normal between her and the watcher in the last days of their battle against The First, and they had been friendly after. But the trust they used to share had been damaged when he had collaborated with Robin to get rid of Spike.
After the despair of the last days Buffy didn’t feel up to taking on her watcher’s criticisms or dark looks.

“We have serious trouble, people, I believe this is not the time to be negative, I have an idea, but it’s kind of dangerous, and I’m going to need your help”.

Willow was looking at Giles, who took a handkerchief and began to clean his glasses, looking back at her.
“I would first like very much to know what’s going on, Will, so we can discuss this dangerous idea of yours with some background knowledge”.

Willow turned to Buffy, who collapsed deeper into the couch next to her and dropped her head, exhausted by her previous anger. Feeling her friend’s hand in hers, Buffy looked up and began to explain what she’s been through on the last months.

“I believe Will has already told you how things were up to when the Hellmouth was closed” she began, when she saw Will nod, she continued.
“Well, after that, and for a few weeks, everything was fine, though I missed Spike every day”. She took a deep breath, “Then, the dreams began, of him, I was ok with it at first, you know? I missed him so much, and the dreams were nice, of things we had done together, and things we could have done, nice things. But then the dreams changed”.
Buffy was obviously distressed, and Willow moved closer to her and gave her an encouraging smile.

“The dreams changed, they became more like nightmares, of Spike suffering, and there was nothing I could do, no way to stop it, it was horrible, night after night, he was in pain and I was impotent to help him, I couldn’t even reach him to give him any comfort, to tell him that I was trying, nothing.
Then, about a month ago, right after you and Dawn left”, she said looking briefly at Giles, “I started not being able to remember my dreams. That was strange, because I’d remembered the ones before in great detail, but, even though I didn’t remembered the dreams, I would wake up screaming, sweaty, and completely exhausted.
I don’t even know if they are about him anymore. As they continued, I lost my appetite, it’s very difficult to swallow, I don’t have any strength left, I can’t do things because of that and because I get so tired and I’m afraid to sleep, I don’t want to sleep”.

Willow put an arm around her friends back when Buffy’s eyes started to get moist again, and decided to continue. “My idea is to go in myself and see what the explanation is”.

“Go in? what does that mean?”.

“I’ve done it before, remember when Glory took Dawn, and.....latter?”

Xander remembered, “But this is not the same thing, it wasn’t dreams then”.

“No, it was a strange loop thingy, and then memories, but I’m stronger now, and I think this could help.
At least we would know if this is really about the dreams, and maybe if we know what they are about, we could talk and help you with them” she said talking to Buffy.

“I’ll really like to know what the hell is going on, don’t take me wrong, but being the slayer, or one of the slayers now, I don’t like this at all, being week and frightened is definitely not my thing”, Buffy said with a pale smile. “You know, I’m kind of used to the slayer strength and fearlessness thing by now, don’t feel like myself without them”.

With another encouraging smile for her friend, Will got up.
“Ok, we would see what we see tonight, I’m all for food right now, and catching up on not nightmare related stuff. So, who’s up for pizza?”