The Soulmate Series

Green (Chapter Thirty-Four of Soulmates)

Willow’s used to tortured nights full of fitful sleep and nightmares, so last night wasn’t as debilitating as it might have been, but she’s still not in very good shape. Having something new to be anxious and terrified about is a none too positive development, but it’s real and not some Hellmouth paranoia, so she has to face it head-on: Faith is consorting with the enemy.

Taking Angel’s word for anything is painful, but what he said to her last night makes too much sense, coincides with her own instincts and observations too perfectly to be ignored or written off. It does seem a bit odd that she’s the one he came to with his suspicions, or at least it should, but then again, there actually are reasons other than the obsession with her she wishes would go away that are perfectly logical as motives for choosing her as his confidante. After all, the new Watcher might have been hanging around and it’s not like Willow expects Angel to divulge sensitive information with him present. For all they know, he’d go straight to Faith and ask her if she’s working for the Mayor. He seems that foolish, even in the short time Willow’s known him.

Of course, besides Angel confiding in her, there’s the fact that Faith might know that she’s been discovered at her misdeeds which is also causing Willow a great deal of anxiety. What will Faith do is that’s the case? What might she already have done? Has she gone to the Mayor already? Is Willow now in danger...well, more danger?

She’s been distracted by her worries all day and it’s a darn good thing that her teachers expect her to be inattentive due to her CFS or one of Willow’s few full days spent in school of late might well have damaged her academic reputation. Thank heavens the acceptance letters from the Ivy League have already arrived, though at this point, who knows whether she’ll survive to attend the university of her choice. Everything’s up in the air at this point; the bond, the Mayor, and the Hellmouth itself make planning for the future seem downright idiotic.

Still, there’s the present, and the dangers facing the group and the town; maybe she can do something about those. She left a message on his machine last night, but she couldn’t find Giles at the library this morning; maybe he’s there now, and then she can finally tell him what she knows...at least if Wesley isn’t hanging around.

She wanted desperately to tell Buffy earlier, too, even tried to start that very conversation once or twice, but her friend seemed distracted and almost as if she was trying to avoid her, so Willow decided it was no use trying to push the issue. Possibly, Buffy already knows and that’s what has her preoccupied. It would be devastating to learn that a fellow Slayer was evil, especially since Buffy’s sacrificed so much for that very calling. It’s a sacred thing, and even Willow feels personally betrayed.

The library is quiet and Willow doesn’t see Giles anywhere. That’s distressing. But Buffy is there, sitting alone at a table looking pensive and anxious, so Willow decides to go and talk to her. She has to tell someone, and the sooner, the better.

“Hey, Buff.” She tries to sound upbeat, but she’s pretty sure she sounds anything but.

“Hey.” Buffy seems both glad to see her and nervous at the same time.

“Can we talk?” They both say the same thing at the same time and chuckle. It’s broken the ice, the inexplicably cold ice, and that’s a good thing.

Willow sits down and faces her friend. “I have something to tell you. I wanted to tell you this morning, but you kinda seemed like you didn’t want to talk to me, so...”

Buffy isn’t listening to a word she says. “Faith told me she saw you and Angel together last night.”

“Huh?” What does that mean? Why would Faith go to Buffy?

Oh no. Now Willow gets it. Faith thought that Willow and Angel...or at least she figured saying that she did was a good way to hurt Buffy. It seems to have worked, too. How to convince Buffy that this is anything but the truth, however, when she’s already convinced that Angel doesn’t love her anymore and no doubt desperate for an explanation? That’s not going to be as easy as it should be - her being Buffy’s best friend and all - but at least Willow’s conscience is clear and that’s got to help.

She decides the innocent and naive approach will work best. Especially with a touch of her very real worry mixed in for good measure. “Yeah, Angel found some stuff out and needed to talk to me about it. Did Faith say if she heard anything?”

Buffy seems a bit confused. “No, but...”

“You’re sure?” It would be prudent, she thinks, even clever, for Faith to have headed her off at the pass by revealing their suspicions to Buffy in a mocking fashion designed to make them seem ridiculous and paranoid.

“Yes, why...?”

Okay, maybe she didn’t hear anything after all. Thinking about it now, Willow does believe it more than likely that something bad would have happened to her already if Faith was in the know. The death of the Deputy Mayor so soon upon his visit proves she’s not much for wasting time.

Good, this means it’s not too late to warn Buffy and Giles and stop her before she does too much damage.

“Because we were talking about her. Buffy, Angel is sure she’s working for the Mayor.”

That stops her best friend cold. “You...what?”

“Think about it, okay? She’s got serious issues and questionable sanity. She’s bitter since she’s never going to be The Slayer, because - let’s face it - that will always be you. And, the minute the Deputy Mayor comes to see you, he winds up dead? Buffy, you, Faith, Giles, and Angel are the only people who knew about that meeting before he got killed. Do the math. She’s gone over to the dark side. Or are you seriously going to argue that the murder’s a coincidence?”

A voice from behind her surprises them both. “I’m gonna have to go with Willow on this one.”

“Xander!” Buffy clutches her chest, obviously not having noticed his arrival any more than Willow did. “When did you get here?”

“Just in time to hear the big news, which, surprisingly, comes as no surprise to me.”

“I know it’s hard to hear, Buffy.” Willow reaches out and takes her friend’s hand. “I mean, she’s a Slayer and that’s something unique and it should pretty much guarantee that she’s one of the good guys, but...maybe something went wrong because of you not actually being dead or maybe this time the wrong Chosen One got chosen. Whatever the reason, she’s not like you, she’s nothing like you, and I think it’s obvious that she’s the enemy now.”

“Yeah.” Buffy’s voice is soft. “That does kind of explain things. I mean, she’s been trying to drive a wedge between us for awhile now. She tried to get me to say I’d slept with Xander, and then she tried to convince me that you and Angel were...you know...seeing each other.”

Xander and Buffy both stiffen and Willow wonders only for a second what’s wrong before she, too, notices that Faith is now in the library. Surprisingly, Xander is the one who seems most ready to turn this situation to their advantage. He whispers to the both of them, “Follow my lead, okay?”

They blink, rather than nod, though they’re both a bit confused. They’re wise enough, however, to do just as he asks; after all, Willow remembers Xander’s often uncanny ability to think up a solution under pressure - that rocket launcher looms large in her recall.

She’s suddenly yanked to her feet by Xander, whose face is just as suddenly contorted in what looks remarkably like fury - fury directed at Buffy.

“I can’t believe you! How can you think for one second that Willow would do something like that to you? Newsflash, Buff: most women aren’t lusting after dead guys, and that includes your best friend. C’mon, Will. Let’s get out of here.” With that, she has just enough time to grab her backpack before being dragged towards the door by Xander. Faith makes a concerted effort not to look smug, but it’s hard to miss the gleam in her eye, even in passing.

Faith isn’t the only new arrival, it seems. Cordelia has also walked in just at the very moment Xander started yelling and she believes this hastily-contrived scenario as much as Faith does; so much so, in fact, that she actually follows them right out the door.

“Wait up. What’s going on?”

They’ve reached the parking lot now and it’s clear they haven’t been shadowed. It’s safe, therefore, for Xander to stop and talk to his girlfriend. Girlfriend. Huh. Funny how much easier it is for Willow to think of Cordelia that way now.

“I’ll explain it to you later, okay? Willow needs to go home right now.”

“Well, I could drive.” Cordelia reaches out and takes Xander’s hand; there’s a look on her face that Willow has never seen before: soft and vulnerable and...oh god.

It’s happened. She and Xander have...they’re...they’re lovers now. Gosh. That’s...probably more surprising than it ought to be, now that she thinks about it. By now, maybe she and Oz would have...if Angel hadn’t... She’s jealous. For one hideous moment, she’s jealous that they have shared something with each other that she’ll never get to share with anyone - not the way they have.

The moment passes, though, and then her envy turns to something like hope. She’s happy for them and she feels glad that there’s love here amidst all this chaos and madness. If they can hold onto that, maybe it will provide enough light to make day out of what seems lately to be eternal night.

“I need to talk to Willow alone. But if you want to meet me around the corner from her house, that would be great. I’ll tell you all about what happened then, okay?”

“Are you going to tell her that we...?”

“Cor, we’ll talk about this later, all right?” Xander is blushing and Willow stifles an impending fit of giggles. It’s wonderful to want to laugh, even if it’s at her friend’s expense.

“Okay, okay.” Cordelia holds up her hands in surrender and Xander kisses her softly on the lips. That they’re in love is so obvious Willow is certain a blind man could see it. There’s beauty in that.

When did she get to a place where she could see Xander and Cordelia as a good thing?

She smiles at Cordelia, and then she walks away with Xander. They really do have a lot to talk about, and not just his brand new sex life.

“Nice job back there - in the library, I mean.”

“Yeah, well, Xan-man to the rescue, right?”

“You did good. Now that Faith will think her plan worked and that we’re fighting, maybe we can smoke her out and see exactly what she’s up to with the Mayor and all.”

“She really is working for him, isn’t she?” Xander’s cavalier facade is crumbling and he seems genuinely worried.

Willow reaches over and puts her hand on his shoulder. “I’m pretty sure of it, yeah.”

“I guess it makes sense. Any girl putting the moves on me would have to be a demon or some other baddie, right?” So he noticed Faith’s advances, huh? Not too shocking, actually, considering her penchant for the obvious. Oh, and for obscene hand gestures.

“There’s always Cordelia.” Willow manages a toothy grin.

“Who I’m pretty sure you consider a demon.”

“Nah, you love her. I’m coming around.”

Xander stops walking and so does Willow. He turns and faces her, serious and hopeful. “Really? Because, there’s something I kind of wanted to tell you. Cor and I...we...”

“I know.”

“You know?” Xander’s voice is a bit more high-pitched than normal and Willow smiles again.

“No offense, but it’s kind of obvious. The look on Cordelia’s face when she saw you, the way you blushed - yeah, it pretty much told the whole story.”

“And you’re okay about it? I mean, there’s the whole ‘We Hate Cordelia’ thing and the whole ‘you hate Cordelia’ thing and the fact that you were just...you know...and you probably don’t even want to think about...”

“Xander,” she chides him gently, “it’s okay. Really.”

“You’re sure?”

“I’m sure. I mean, okay, maybe Cordelia hasn’t always been my favorite person in the whole world, but you love her and you must have your reasons and... you do love her, right? I mean you didn’t just...with somebody you aren’t in love with, not that you have to be, because that’s really your business, not mine, but...” Willow’s pretty certain that what she saw between them was love, but if it isn’t, she wants to kill the optimism she’s hanging on it sooner rather than later.

Xander, bless him, bolsters it instead. “I love her, Will. I don’t always know why, but yeah. I mean, I know what she seems like and what she acts like around everyone else, but with me, she’s just...she’s really a good person underneath it all, you know?”

“Then that’s good enough for me.”

Xander lets out a sigh of what sounds a whole lot like relief and probably is relief. “That’s great. I know it’ll take time and all, but it would be great if my two best girls could love each other.”

Willow can’t help it, maybe it’s because she’s been thinking about Faith, but that last remark sounded slightly dirty. An eyebrow goes up as she glares at Xander in mock offense.

He suddenly gets it and there’s that blush again; Willow stifles her giggles for the second time this afternoon. “I didn’t mean...oh, man...scary visual place there, Will.”

Oh really? Up goes the eyebrow again.

“Okay, maybe not so scary, but I still didn’t mean it that way.”

“I know.” She gives him another toothy grin. “I just had to give you a hard time. It goes with the job description. Best friends, right?”

A hug is her answer and it feels warm and comfortable and not at all threatening. This moment feels so glorious; she wishes she could bottle it and save it and keep it with her always.

“You’re over her, aren’t you?” Willow isn’t talking about Cordelia and they both know to whom she’s referring.

“Yeah, I am. I really am.” His face lights up with the realization and Willow’s glad for him, and, surprisingly, for Cordelia. No one should have to be second best, not even a girl who tried to make Willow feel much less than that for most of their lives.

“That’s good.”

“Not like it was ever going to get me anywhere. She’ll always be hung up on Angel. What is it with her and that guy, anyway? And how can she be so obsessed with him that she thinks every other woman in the world feels the same way?”

“What do you mean?”

“Will, give me some credit, okay? I may not be the braniac that you are, but I heard what Buffy said and I saw the look on her face - a part of her actually bought that nonsense about you stepping out with Deadboy.”

He’s right and it hurts. Of all the times for him to disembark from the ‘Buffy is perfect’ train, did it have to be today? The idea of being Angel’s lover, even if only in Buffy’s imagination, is agonizing and it’s not long before Willow’s eyes are swimming with tears.

“Oh god, I didn’t mean...she’ll get over it. You know that once she thinks about it for two minutes, she’ll realize that it’s ridiculous and...it’ll be okay. What am I saying? It’s already okay. I’m sure of it.”

There’s really no reply she can come up with. She wants to believe him, yet the very fact that Buffy could think for a moment...but in a way, isn’t it almost - darkly and in such a twisted fashion, but almost - true? Right now she isn’t sure that she doesn’t hate Faith more for this one machination than for her dealings with the Mayor. And how wrong is that?

They start walking again, the silence both awkward and welcome. Willow’s house is in sight sooner than she thought possible. Xander stops just short of her front walk and looks as if he’s about to say something, so Willow halts her steps right beside him.

“I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Xander. All you did was tell the truth.”

“Yeah, but...I hurt you. You’ve been hurt so much and I hurt you.”

This time, she’s the one who pulls him in for a tight hug. “You didn’t hurt me.” She’s lying, but she wants to mean it and she feels like it should be true, so that makes everything alright.

“You know, what happened to you...that isn’t what it’s like.” Those words come out of nowhere, but Willow knows exactly what he means. She really wishes he wouldn’t talk about this, but it’s something he needs to say, something she knows he thinks will comfort her - something that probably would comfort her had she really and truly been raped by a total stranger in an alley on the way to school. “Someday, you’ll find someone special and, when you’re ready, it’ll be wonderful, Will. And you’ll know that what that bastard did to you has nothing to do with sex. Nothing at all.”

She can’t help herself; she bursts into tears - she’s bawling in Xander’s arms. He means it, he believes it, and he couldn’t be more wrong. He’s been right about so much today, but about this, he is tragically, horribly wrong. It hurts, because he should be right, dammit. That should be the way it will be. Sadly, however, her future holds nothing like that in it for her, not unless her bond with Angel magically dissolves into nothingness, and all of Willow’s research has produced not the faintest shred of hope that such an event will ever happen or that it can be made to happen, even if she were willing to risk using magick again, which at this point is a prospect so terrifying that only the prospect of being free of Angel would make her consider it.

She struggles to pull herself together enough to say a few things that need to be said before she goes inside.

Xander preempts her. “What are we going to do about Faith?”

“I don’t know. I mean, I thought you had a pretty good idea about that earlier when you came up with that scenario in the library and all.”

“Yeah, but how much more strategizing do you honestly think I’m capable of? I mean, this is Xander you’re talking to, not Giles.” The confidence of a short while ago is gone, replaced by the insecurity of a boy convinced he’ll never amount to much.

Willow would love to be able to boost his self esteem, but experience has taught her that it’s best done subtly and that the direct approach never works. “ I think talking to Giles is a great idea, actually.” That’s the way, at least give him credit for thinking of this. “I tried earlier, but he wasn’t around.”

“Well, I’m going to have Cordelia take me back to the library, so I’ll make sure to get him alone and let him know what the score is, if Buffy hasn’t already done it by now. Giles will know what to do about Darth Slayer.” Leave it to Xander to come up with a catchy new nickname, something flip and dismissive to hide the fact that he’s as scared of Faith as Willow is.

“Are you going to tell Cordelia?”

“Yeah.” He anticipates Willow’s potential protest and cuts her off before it can be spoken. “I know she’s not well-known for her ability to keep her mouth shut, but I think when it comes to Faith, she’ll dig deep and do herself proud. She’s already not a big fan.”

“I kinda figured that. I’m gonna trust you on this one. You do realize, though, that if she tips off Faith, we could all be dead.”

“I know. But there’s a lot more to her than meets the eye, okay? I believe in her. She can handle this.”

They embrace again for a moment. “I didn’t tell her, by the way. I know you didn’t ask, but I didn’t tell her.”

“I know.” Willow understands what he’s talking about and she’s touched by his thoughtfulness and by this confirmation that even being in love with Cordelia Chase hasn’t damaged the core of their friendship: she can trust him, at least in some ways. “Thank you.”

“I won’t, either.”

Again, she answers, “I know.”

What else is there to say? Nothing, really, so Willow turns to walk up the path and into her house. Surprise, it even looks like her parents are home, though she has no idea for how long.

“Bye, Xander. Keep safe, okay?”

“I will. And you do the same.”

“Sure thing.” As safe as she can, that is, though that’s not saying much.

With that, he walks toward where Cordelia’s car will be waiting and Willow makes her way to the front door. She’ll show her parents the acceptance letters from Harvard and Yale and everywhere else and that should pretty much take care of any parental interest for a good long time. If only a certain other found her so easy to put aside.

Now, however, is not the time to think about that. There is do-gooding to be done and once her parents are allowed to pretend to care for the allotted ten minutes or so, she will get back to work on her computer. There’s got to be a way to break into the Mayor’s files and it’s up to her to try to find it. Whatever hurt she’s experiencing because of Buffy’s lack of trust in her, whatever difficult emotions have been engendered by Xander’s words earlier, whatever wistful longing for what she will never know that she feels because of his deepening love for Cordelia - these must be put aside. Some things, after all, are much more important than her own pain. Saving the world? That would be one of them.


Tbc...