Becoming

Chapter 3
Betrayal


Xander knew the others were avoiding him, he couldn’t blame them, he knew he wasn’t making things easy, he had hardly eaten or slept and hadn’t left Spike’s side with the exception of using the bathroom. It had been 2 weeks and nothing had changed, Spike still hadn’t woken up and despite everything they had tried he didn’t seem to be improving. To Xander’s surprise Angel had already been on the way to Sunnydale when Buffy had called, something to do with blood calling, when he arrived just 1 hour later he greeted everybody then insisted on speaking to Xander alone. They had spoken in hushed tones in Xander’s room with Spike lying completely motionless on the bed in front of them. Angel had explained a few things to Xander, like how once Spike had been chipped him Angel had gone to see him and slowly they had resolved their differences. Unbeknownst to the Scoobies Spike had been slipping to LA every couple of weeks for a visit and it was on one of these visits that it had happened, Spike had told Angel everything.


Angel had explained that they were sitting in his office one night after Spike had helped the crew of Angel Investigations destroy a nest of Sl’aan demons that were snacking on LA’s homeless population. The rest of the group had gone home or in Fred’s case retired to their room and Angel and Spike were taking care of each others injuries. He explained that they had started to talk, something that they did often now, Angel wryly commenting that at first the AI team hadn’t reacted well to the lack of brooding that came from talking to someone else in his situation, a demon that was constantly fighting his nature. In fact they had assumed that he had turned into Angelus again and had come down one day to find Cordy, Wes and Gunn armed to the teeth with stakes, crosses and water pistols filled with holy water. He hadn’t helped matters he added by collapsing into laughter at the sight of Gunn who he explained was a bad-ass street fighter hiding a little behind Cordy at the thought of his boss turned evil. Once he had calmed down and explained the reason for his much improved mood he had been pleasantly surprised by how quickly the gang accepted Spike, to the point that he was assisting them whenever he was in town. Whilst they were talking the conversation had naturally turned to the Scoobies with Angel pressing Spike for details on how they were all doing, “I couldn’t help but notice the warmth in his voice whenever he talked about you Xander” Angel had said looking at the motionless figure on the bed, “he always spoke fondly of Dawn and over the months I heard the same affection and fierce loyalty for all of you but with you it was something different, something secretive. I called him on it and he told me he had fallen in love with you. ‘I can’t help it Peaches, I’ve turned into a bleeding pouf but by all that’s unholy I love him’” Angel drawled in an awful imitation of Spike’s cockney accent. “he was going to tell you, he said he thought and hoped that you felt something for him but even if you didn’t he thought you had it in you to accept him as a friend if nothing more. He was waiting until after this business with Glory was done with then planned on sitting you down and spilling his heart.”


Xander was sobbing by the time Angel had finished and was shocked to feel Angel’s arms holding him in a tight embrace “shush now little one, he’ll be OK. Spike is strong, he is of my blood and one of my childe and I know he will survive this. He will if only to see you again.” Angel whispered soothing platitudes to Xander whilst he sat on the bed and pulled Xander onto his lap, hugging him to that broad chest and smoothing Xander’s unkempt hair. After Xander had cried himself out he had been mortified to find himself cradled like a baby and not a little alarmed to find Angel in full game “ummm Angel, not that I don’t appreciate the comforting man but…” and then he’d heard it “you’re purring like a kitty cat” he’d crowed, inexplicably delighted at this revelation. Angel had quickly stopped and with a small shake of his head pulled his human features back to the fore “I am not purring Xander, it’s more of a low growl” he’d said in a slightly haughty voice that served to increase Xander’s amusement more “Oh no Mister, you were definitely purring!” Angel shook his head with a look of fond exasperation “Xander, it’s definitely a low growl I assure you, it’s something that a vampire usually only does to comfort newly turned childer but… well, you are family now more or less and you needed it.” Xander had bowed his head at that, feeling guilty all of a sudden for laughing when Spike was still lying unconscious on the bed “Now, now little one. Don’t feel that way. If anything hearing you laugh should do Spike some good, remind him that there are people here waiting for him and he needs to bloody well wake up!” Angel ended on a growl and kicked the bed frame. Xander had been shocked but then couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him when he imagined what Spike’s reaction would have been had that move woken him up. He could just see the sleepy, bed-headed blond sitting up and saying to Angel indignantly “What the bleedin hell is wrong with you Peaches? Got your fat arse out of the wrong side of the coffin tonight did ya?” or something similar. He managed through helpless giggles to tell Angel what he found so funny then laughed even more at the affronted look on Angel’s face at the fat comment. He’d laughed until he thought he was going to suffocate then laughed some more when even Angel had joined in. They’d laughed until Xander cried, then he cried a bit more just because he was exhausted and scared then eventually they’d ended up sitting on the floor at the foot of the bed in easy companiable silence.


Since then Angel had been feeding Spike precious Sire’s blood twice sometimes three times a day but it had done nothing to wake up the blonde, although it had stopped the worrying blood loss. Angel swore that Spike was getting better; when they’d first started Angel had torn into his wrist and held it over Spike’s mouth whilst Xander gently massaged the blonde’s throat allowing him to swallow the precious ruby fluid. However now it seemed that some innate instinct was kicking in and Spike was swallowing reflexively. Xander supposed that whilst this was good news it wasn’t quick enough for him. Willow, Tara, and Giles had been researching like mad seeing if they could find anything in the books to assist Spike’s healing, Buffy had gotten sick of waiting for Riley to return her by now daily calls and had been using Angel’s seemingly unlimited credit card and flying off to various parts of South America with the express intention of tracking him or anyone still surviving from the Initiative down and beating them until she got some information. Angel had even set the AI team on the case and he knew from daily telephone calls from Cordy that she and Wes and someone called Fred who Cordy seemed fond of but referred to as a bit of a ‘crazy taco lady’ were working on the problem.


Xander had taken to staying in the bed with Spike at night, not sleeping because he irrationally feared that if he slept something would happen to Spike, he would either wake up and think Xander didn’t care or worse, something would happen and he would never wake up. So instead he lay curled up next to him as though he could let the blonde know he was there and how much he needed him to come back. Angel had told him to talk to Spike and he’d heard that people in coma’s who woke up often said that they could hear their loved ones talking to them so he did. He told Spike everything, what he was missing in Passions, what was going on with the Scoobies, he told him he would have laughed if he could see the way that even Buffy and Giles were worried about him and doing everything they could to get him well again, he scolded him in jovial tones for making it up with Angel before he did, he told him how Dawnie was doing in school and how the other night she had told Angel that he was nowhere near as fun as Spike was when helping with her history homework, unbeknownst to Buffy and the gang Spike had apparently been tutoring Dawn in history, they were studying the 19th century so he supposed it made sense to go straight to the source so to speak but Dawn had pouted at Angel when he tried to step into Spike’s docs and said that Spike would make it like a story rather than a ‘boring lecture’ and when Angel said rather doubtfully that he would try Dawn had given him an evil grin that Xander could have sworn was another thing she’d learnt off Spike and told a distraught Angel that Spike did voices too. He told Spike how he felt, explaining that he had hidden for so long, at first in denial over his feelings and then from fear of rejection. He told the blonde that if he woke up Xander would give him the best blowjob of his life or unlife, he spent hours whispering what he wanted to do to the blonde or the things he wanted Spike to do to him until he was achingly hard himself and when Angel entered the room he had simply raised an eyebrow at Xander and mentioned that the bathroom was free if he wanted to grab a shower. Xander had blushed but declined saying that he wanted to stay with Spike.


However Spike’s minor improvements had all been last week and since then there had been no further sign of change in his condition and Xander was beginning to lose hope. He tried to hard to stay positive but inside him there was a little nagging voice that sounded so much like his father that said ‘you don’t deserve happiness, what makes you think that he’ll wake up anyway? And even if he does it’s not like he’d want you. Not really, he probably just wanted you when he thought everyone hated him, when he wakes up and realises that they don’t he wont have to lower himself to your level’ the voice had niggled at him day and night until tears streaming down his face he had screamed just once for it to shut up. He heard the hush that came over the previous steady stream of chatter outside the room where everyone had set up for their by now usual research meeting at Xander’s and Angel had cautiously entered the room. Before he knew what was happening Anger had scooped Xander up into his arms again and was murmuring soft words in a language that Xander didn’t understand but sounded musical and calling softly for Buffy. Xander saw Buffy peer into the room and look shocked, he felt more than heard Angel talking to Buffy, she nodded and withdrew.


Xander felt like everything was getting very far away, he knew his body was trying to make him sleep and he fought it until the feeling of falling receded. He told Angel that he was OK and tried to apologise for the hysterics but the dark vampire shushed him “you need to sleep Xander, I don’t know why I let this go on for so long. If Spike were awake he’d kick my ass for this” Buffy re-entered the room with a glass of water in one slightly trembling hand, Angel pulled Xander into a more upright position and reached for the glass “Xander, drink this then we are going to have a talk and then you are going to get some sleep” he said in a firm voice. Xander nodded, eagerly reaching for the water, he was thirsty and the cool liquid would hopefully wake him up more. He had no intention of sleeping but he would lie still with his eyes closed and breathing steady enough until he had Angel fooled, he’d been doing it for 2 weeks now and he knew he could stay awake tonight. Spike needed him to.


Gulping the water Xander felt instantly refreshed, he twisted ineffectually in Angels grip and finally sighed and resigned himself to not getting free just yet. “Xander, you sleeping does not diminish your feelings for Spike in anyway do you understand me?” Angel said in that same firm voice “you need to stay healthy and strong so that when he wakes up you can help him.” Xander nodded automatically but then realised that his head felt so heavy. Plus Angel’s voice was getting further and further away. He looked at Buffy who wore an expression of such guilt that he immediately realised what had happened “you drugged me” he slurred in what he hoped was an outraged voice. He remembered how angry she had been when Giles had done the same thing to her all those years ago as part of some sick Slayer test and said “after what happened when Giles” he wasn’t able to finish the sentence but could tell by the heartbroken look on her face that she understood exactly what he was referring to. “Hush Xander, sleep now, shout later” he heard the wry humour in Angel’s voice and knew that the vampire knew exactly how pissed he was going to be when he woke up. He felt Angel moving him around and when he opened his eyes, and when did he shut them? he saw Spike’s face in profile, he struggled and the blankets felt like they weighed a ton but he managed to extricate an arm and sling it possessively around Spike’s waist. Heaving a sigh he resigned himself to forced sleep and allowing his eyes to close once again he welcomed the blessed darkness.