After the pain

Thanks for all the reviews I got. They made me happy.

I want all of you to know that I get a beta overlook all my previous chapters too. But as long as I have none I will still keep posting. Spell-checker can't find everything and me neither so bear with me.

About living in the Summers house. Yeah, that's strange but I wrote it a year ago and I don't think I thought of that at a time. I'll think something out. Thanks for pointing out my mistake.

Now, today's chptr will be extra angsty and self-destructive. I'll cure Spike in a 10 chptrs or so, don't worry.

Love, S


Chapter 3

A MATTER OF RESPONCIBILITY


The reason Spike still looked so good wasn't that he cared about his appearance. In fact he didn't give a damn about it. It was just that he needed his routine in order to keep his sanity. Bleaching his hair and painting fingernails was a part of his everyday life as shaving and feeding was.

So he got his usual amount of his attention everywhere he went. His predator-like movements, his long black leather duster floating behind him – anywhere he went, he looked like he owned the place. Approaches of both sexes were in order only until he exhibited his fangs. Not literally. It usually took as much as scowl or a snarl or some malicious remarks.

But sometimes he went for it. And it happened to be in Italy that he got himself a long haul girlfriend. At least it was how she saw it. Sue was really into him. And she knew what her Spike needed from her. It wasn't really enough for her but the sex was the only thing he was going to give. And it was a lot better than nothing. Spike had some issues she knew and she was determined to help him.

First time she saw him in a small club near the river. They exchanged some looks and then the gorgeous leather-clad blond disappeared for several weeks. But when he reappeared it was evident that he wanted her company. They talked, danced and then he took off again. Sue never really fancied that club before but from that moment on she visited it any chance she got. And she wasn't disappointed. The sexy punk returned. This time it was evident that he had been looking for her. That evening was the first time they made love.

Now they met several times a week. Sometimes they went clubbing or to the movies but it always ended at her place. Some of the time he was caring and gentle lover but at a times he got aggressive, needy and possessive. Sometimes Sue felt like she was punished for something she didn't do. Soon she understood that it had nothing to do with her because he was punishing himself too.

* * *

It was only some months that made Spike leave the cold winter and head to the Italy. He thought that he might like seeing places where he and Dru were happy. Unfortunately he learned quickly that familiar surrounding didn't quite have such effect on him as he hoped. Soon he was back into his unending inner torment. So he returned to his get drink-and-forget routine. Sometimes he went to one of the seaside human clubs where tourists from all around the world were gathering. So the language was not the problem. Though Spike spoke some Italian too.

That's where he met her. She was dancing with a group of people, some male, some female. Spike saw her from behind – her small, fragile looking features, about 5'2, short sexy dress and long golden locks motioning with her body. When she turned he instantly saw that it was not her. But she was definitely beautiful and seemed to notice Spike too. Something in the line of her lips and shape of her gazelle eyes made his undead heart ache. Suddenly he felt betrayed by that pretty stranger. It's not her! It's not her! He was screaming inside. He turned on his heels and stormed to his new black Harley.

He avoided that club for some time but when he had almost decided to leave town he risked to visit it for the last time. He didn't know what made him go. Didn't want to know.

She was there.

*

“No!” She looked down at him. He was kneeling in front of her, his bleached head bowed , left hand reached out to her holding a whip.
“Spike, we just did it yesterday, I don't want to.” He didn't answer.

She wasn't enjoying hurting him but it seemed to be something he needed from time to time. At first he tried to make her hit him, but she couldn't do that just for no reason. Sue wanted nice slow after play but he wouldn't allow it. Every time after he seemed to be waiting a kick out of the bed or an insult maybe. But when she didn't he offered her a whip.
He wouldn't come to her for a couple of days after. She figured he was healing. Sue didn't question his quick healing she was just glad that all the marks were gone.

Then one day they had a movie night together she broke her crystal vase. Sue didn't notice that it got his interest until after their gentle intercourse. Spike sat on the bed not looking at her. He extended his arm to her holding a large piece of sharp edged glass. This time Sue got really scared. He wanted her to cut him.
“S-spike why are you doing this to yourself?” Her eyes were large and watery.
“Gotta pay. Now will you take it already?” He still didn't look at her. Sue wasn't at all like her. She was good to him. Too good. She didn't know what he really was.

He was standing by the window now. He took the glass to his right wrist and cut it slowly as if he enjoyed it. Red liquid poured down his wrist and to the floor. Sue watched her beautiful grey eyes wide with shock as his blood made it on the floor drop by drop. Spike inhaled smelling his life flowing away. He made the second cut a little bit higher. He didn't even notice that Sue had passed out. It was better than a walk in the sunshine. Not as fatal but it gave him acute feeling of being alive. Spike needed that. Physical pain was easier to bear.

When Sue came to her senses she felt peace. Spike was sitting in a bed holding her head on his lap, caressing her cheek. “You ok, pet?”
“How long was I out?” She asked when memory of what happened started creeping in.
“A while.”
Sue rose into a sitting position. “Show me,” She took his left hand.
“Don't luv,” he didn’t meet her gaze, “you don't wanna know.” But he let her unbutton his sleeve. She carefully lifted it and gasped as she saw another scar next to the first. And the third. He had cut his arm from his wrist up to his elbow. She slowly took his right arm. She was afraid of what she could find. Both hands were the same.
“Sorry for the carpet, pet. I hope that stains will come out.” He glanced at the mat by the window.
Sue let her silent tears fall on his scars. He took her face in his palms.
“Shh! Don't cry because of me pet. Sue, I don't deserve that. I've done a lot more terrible things to other people.”
“What things?” Sue was surprised. Somehow it never occurred to her, that he might have hurt anyone. She always thought that he was the victim.
He only shook his head with sadness in his eyes. “I gotta go, the sun's almost up.”
“Why?” She demanded.
Here we go again, Spike thought. “I'm not coming back, Sue. Thanks for everything.”
“Why?” she asked him again, much quieter this time.
“I'm leaving town.” Spike knew it wasn't an answer but he wasn't giving one anyway.
And she knew he wouldn't. So she just sat and looked as he got his duster and closed the door behind him.

It was too difficult for Spike to be near her. It was painful because she cared so much.

***
Review plz. your thoughts? Wanna know how the two will meet?? ;) not yet, not yet...