The Adventures of Deadboy and Zeppo

*

Angel had expected Xander to be on the bed or maybe in the corner depending on how seriously he had taken Angel's threat. Instead as he walked in, the fledge was no where to be seen and the water was still running.

"Stay here, he's still in the shower," Angel said as he walked into the room and looked in the bathroom. Xander stood under the falling water with his head thrown back and his hair, longer than usual, guiding the water onto his back where it flowed down in sheets. Steam rose from the hot water and clouds of vapor blurred the edges of Xander's body, drifting and thinning in places to reveal the pale skin.

Angel hadn't realized that the boy had so much muscle on him, but the water followed the contours of Xander's well defined back, dividing to flow over his smooth butt and then meandering down his legs. Angel watched the water trails dodge around leg hairs on those curved thighs.

"Well?" Cordelia's voice broke him out of his reverie, and Xander spun around so fast that he lost his footing on the tile and went down in a heap. Obviously the demon hadn't changed Xander that much.

"Hey, no free looks," Xander complained from the bottom of the shower as he brought his chained hands down to cover his privates. Angel flashed a bit of fang, and Xander pressed himself farther into the tile.

"Xander, are you okay?" Cordelia pressed by Angel to look in for herself, and Xander curled up so that his knees would provide some coverage.

"Fine, just not really into being the main attraction at a peep show. Peep show bad; giving the vamp some privacy good."

"Oh, please. Like you have anything I want to see anyway," Cordelia dismissed Xander's comment with a sniff once she had seen for herself that he was safe.

"Hey, I've got lots of good stuff to look at. Anya called me a Viking."

"Anya the demon?" Cordelia asked with a raised eyebrow, and Angel looked over in surprise.

"A demon?" he asked.

"Ex-demon," Xander corrected him, but when Angel shot him a dirty glance, he shrank back into himself even farther.

"What are you doing still in the shower anyway?" Cordelia asked as she left the bathroom and planted herself on the edge of the dusty chair.

"It sounded better than the other option Angel gave me," Xander practically shouted out the door, and Angel dropped the jeans on the edge of the sink before retreating. He really didn't need to see Xander unfold that strong body, and he really, really didn't need to see exactly why a demon would have referred to Xander as being a Viking, despite the fact that Angel agreed with the assessment from the glance he caught.

"And what option was that?" Cordelia asked in a bored tone of voice, and Angel suddenly realized what choice he had given Xander. He prayed that the boy had an ounce of discretion. Actually an ounce of self-preservation would work because if he told Cordelia the truth, Angel would turn him to dust.

"Angel offered to try out a chainsaw on my hide," Xander called out. Angel suppressed a groan as he realized that Xander never had discretion or self-preservation. He couldn't expect the demon that was using Xander's memories to be any better. Right now though he had bigger worries, like the glare of death Cordelia was aiming at his forehead and the shocked gasp from the doorway where Wesley hovered uncertainly.

When Xander appeared at the door to the bathroom with his hair still dripping down making dark stains at the waistband of his jeans, his eyes went instantly to Cordy. At that moment, Angel realized that Xander's words were had been intentionally designed to anger Cordy. Angel turned to face the fledge, and fear caused Xander to drop his eyes to the floor instantly.

"Cordelia, Wesley. Go do something downstairs." Angel said quietly.

"I'd rather stay," Cordelia said just as quietly. Angel closed his eyes briefly as he struggled to not lose his temper.

"Cordy, go downstairs."

"Look, I hate to point this out to you but..."

"Cordy, please," Xander said from the far side of the room where he now had his back against the wall. He moved his chained hands up and down nervously as if he didn't know what to do with his hands since he couldn't cross his arms.

"Xander, you're the one who just said he threatened you with a chainsaw. You really think I trust him now?"

"Cordy, just go away. I'm hungry and I don't like you being around when I'm hungry," Xander said with a flash of game face, and the sight shut Cordelia up when nothing else could have.

"Oh god, Xander," she breathed with a shaky voice as if she had just noticed that he was dead. Her eyes brightened with tears, and Angel knew he should do something, say something, offer some sort of comfort. Instead he stood awkwardly as Cordelia stared at the young vampire who had discovered something interesting on the floor to stare at. Xander shrugged once as if it didn't matter. However, he smelled of such misery that Angel had to wonder just how wrong the turning had gone this time.

"Cordelia, go down to Ondary's place and ask for some fresh blood. I'm about out, and Xander is going to need more than I have." Angel expected some sort of response, but Cordy just slowly stood, shining eyes focused on the miserable vampire against the far wall as she quietly left the room.

"She'll be a while," Angel said as he closed the door to give them some privacy. Wesley had retreated with Cordelia, but Xander just shrugged again.

"How long has it been since you fed?" Angel asked. He really didn't want to know, and he definitely didn't want to discuss the topic in general, but Xander really did look far more pale than was normal for even a vampire.

"Cordy gave me a mug full downstairs," Xander said with a quick glance upward. Angel could feel Angelus' smug satisfaction at the fledge's clear terror. Every time Angel moved, he could see Xander's body twitch in response. The demon remembered how that felt, to have a fledge, a childe, a minion, who lived and died by your word.

He remembered Dru's quiet cries and calls for 'Daddy.' He remembered William's pathetic struggles to impress Angelus and claim Dru. He remembered Penn's total devotion. All of them had looked to Angelus as the source of life and death, and the power had fed his demon. Now Xander's fear fed Angelus' struggles, and Angel snarled as he fought to regain control. Unfortunately, his snarl sent Xander sliding backwards along the wall, and Angelus practically roared his approval.

"Stop flinching from like I'm about to eviscerate you," Angel snapped as he turned his back on Xander.

"So then, evisceration is off the torture checklist. I'm thinking that just leaves about, oh, five million other things I really don't want to learn about." Xander's words were so close to what Angel would expect from the human Xander that they caught him off guard and he turned and stood staring for several seconds at the creature who was and wasn't Xander Harris. He stared for so long that Xander flinched back farther, and Angel turned and faced the door again as he battled Angelus over the right to beat Xander into submission. Of course, it wouldn't take much beating to achieve *that* goal right now.

"Oh for god's sake," Angel exclaimed as he faced the door and regained his control. He closed his eyes and chanted a quick mantra about patience and virtue. Behind him, the soft clinking of chains reminded him that he wasn't alone, and his current problem wouldn't just go away. "Get on the bed," Angel ordered unemotionally. The smell of fear doubled.

"Don't really swing that way, Deadboy," Xander answered, and Angel turned with a snarl.

"I told you not to call me that," he snapped, realizing he was in game face only when he sliced his own lip and tasted his own blood. Xander stood with one shoulder to the wall, flinching.

"Whatever. Look, just finish this... unless you're scared of Cordelia." Xander looked up defiantly with gold eyes, and Angel closed the distance, slamming his own body into Xander. Angel heard as well as felt the dull cracking when a rib didn't stand up to the assault and Xander gasped an unnecessary breath. Angel pulled back and looked at Xander who continued to stand although now he leaned into the wall for support and wore his true face.

"Xander," Angel said, horrified at his own actions.

"Just get it over," Xander said as the demon features fell away and he dropped the side of his head to the wall tiredly. "Finish it." Angel remembered how William would sometimes have trouble staying in game face. He remembered how he had made fun of the demon for that, but now it just made Xander look sadder. Angel was caught between's his soul's guilt, and Angelus' disgust for something so weak.

"I don't want..." Angel stopped as he tried to express what he didn't want. He didn't want Xander Harris anywhere near him, dead or alive. He didn't want Xander Harris' dead body walking around to upset Buffy and make Cordy look at Angel with condemning eyes. He didn't want to think that one more person he had once vowed to protect was dead.

"You don't want to drain me to the edge of final death and chain me up and break my ribs? Little late, Deadboy." Xander's quiet, breathy, sarcastic words brought another stab of rage from Angelus, but Angel stopped it this time.

"You're trying to get me to kill you," he accused Xander who was now slowly sliding down the wall to the floor with little gasping whines of pain.

"Took ya long enough. I think you've been using too much hair gel lately--it's sunk into your brain."

Angel stepped forward and glared down at the huddled and broken Xander, his chained hands pulled up against his chest. This creature wasn't Xander, but it was all that was left of the white knight who had stood up to Angelus and in many ways was still standing up to Angelus. Angel pressed his eyes closed for a moment as he considered his options. His conscience vetoed killing Xander or even allowing the fledge to kill himself. Angel opened his eyes and looked as Xander trembled at his feet, and he realized obstacle number one was getting Xander to fight for life. Angel didn't think he could keep distracting Angelus if the fledge continued to try and trigger Angelus' rage.

"Are you sure that's what you want, to die? You want to turn to dust? You want to go back to hell where you belong?" Angel practically purred the words, his voice soft and evil. He bent down and put a hand on Xander's shoulder where the flesh was cold under his hand. Cold and trembling.

"Tell me you want to die, Xander," he murmured in a voice that could both soothe a raving Drusilla and drive terror into a mortal like a nail through flesh.

"Just fucking finish it," Xander snarled in a toneless and flat voice.

"Say it," Angel ordered softly. He could smell terror flowing from the miserable figure, and he wouldn't be smelling terror if this creature really wanted to die. He needed Xander to face the fact that he didn't want to die, and somewhere down in his mind Angelus scoffed at the idea of trying to help Xander.

"Why? So you can get your jollies off it? I hate to point it out, Deadboy, but I don't like you. I'm really not going to have my last act be something that makes you happy. Besides, a happy Deadboy is a psychotic Deadboy, and I don't want that on my..." Xander stopped, his words cut off in the middle of the sentence as though by a knife.

"On your what? Your conscience?" Angel watched Xander seem to sink in on himself as though he'd been caught doing something bad. He crouched down and looked at the miserable fledge huddled on his floor. "Oh what has Dru done this time?" Angel asked as he reached over to gather Xander up. Considering Xander's size, he was far too light. He needed a lot of blood.

"Pretty bad," Xander admitted with a shrug. Angel deposited the man in the middle of the bed and pulled a padlock out of his pocket. The dangling chain was long enough for him to give Xander plenty of slack, but Xander still scooted as close to the wall as he could get, sitting on the musky pillows.

"So, how long has it been since you truly fed?" Angel started again.

"I ate the couple whose car I stole coming down from Sunnydale. Ate the Harrises a few days ago." The emotionless words startled Angel. "Didn't really feel much like eating anyone else."

"Is that why you came here? Did you know something was wrong?" Angel backed away and crossed his arms as he tried to refrain from killing the sad creature on the bed.

"Spike mentioned something early on. Said I was worse than he'd been and that Angelus would have snapped my neck."

"I'm not Angelus," Angel pointed out. Angelus had almost completely withdrawn in frustration at having come so close to killing the boy only to be thwarted, and now Angel found he could think a little more clearly.

"Oh, come on, Deadboy. You always went a little Angelusy around Xander, and we both know it."

"I..." Angel stopped as he considered the past they had shared. "Maybe," he admitted. "The lap dance Buffy did with you and the whole 'Deadboy' thing aggravated me. I probably shouldn't have taken the name calling so seriously."

"It'd be nice if you had decided that before starting in on the rib breakage," Xander pointed out. "But I get the name thing. Cordy used to call me the Zeppo, and that pretty much still fuels my nightmares." Xander paused. "She used to call Xander the Zeppo of the group," he corrected himself.

"You don't think of yourself as Xander?" Angel asked as he moved to the other side of the room. Angelus stirred a little at the way Xander followed him, the way he shifted his body to face Angel, the fear still leaking from him in whisps of scent.

"Had it pointed out many, many times that I'm not Xander."

"Buffy?" Angel asked, and Xander physically flinched.

"Among others. They all had their go."

"That's why they didn't try to give you a soul," Angel said as he imagined how the others would have reacted.

"Giles pointed out that giving a vampire a soul is a *curse*. Said that the real Xander earned his rewards and his soul shouldn't be pulled back and magically connected to a demon. Said that Xander didn't deserve to have his soul tainted." Xander shrugged again as though it meant nothing to him.

"So you came looking for me," Angel said.

"Came looking to die, and I just figured you were the fastest way form of death around considering that I'm afraid of fire, so the whole morning walk think kinda freaked me out. After you sent Buffy the immolation-o-gram I wouldn't even go near a lighter for a month." Angel wondered if Xander even realized how he embraced his human memories one minute and rejected them the next. Whether Buffy understood it or not, a lot of Xander Harris was still in the suffering creature who sat on the bed in front of him, and Angel made a decision.

"While you're in my hotel, you will not hunt."

"Hard to hunt chained to a wall, and trust me, I'm not stupid enough to go for Cordy even as a vampire. I mean, I'm stupid, but I'm not that stupid." Angel turned and started for the door.

"Angel?" Xander's voice made him stop and turn back.

"What's wrong with me?" Xander asked in such a small, defeated voice, that Angelus stirred with a need to taunt and Angel just wanted to offer some words of solace even if they were empty. He compromised.

"I really don't know. When Dru makes a vampire she..." Angel struggled to explain the results of Dru's various attempts. "Normally the person influences the demon who takes over the body. When Dru turns someone, something of the actual person is left behind."

"You mean I'm still Xander?" Angel thought back to Dalton, how the vampire could never hunt after his turning. He would feed from others' victims. In life, he'd lived for his books, and in death he'd been the same. Angel remembered how Dalton had burned, his own humanity turned to flame at the touch of the Judge.

"I don't know," Angel said as he left the room and started down the hallway.