Where? When? Gah!

Chapter 3 - The Breakdown

Xander automatically reached out to wrap his arms around Spike. vam vampire's body was shaking and he was continually repeating
the phrase, "no it is quite impossible," in a frantic whisper.

"Shhh. It'll be okay Will." Xander rocked him back and forth, cradling
him in his embrace. "I'll take care of you." He leaned down and
gently placed a kiss on top of Will's crown of blonde hair.

At the feel of Xander's soft lips, Will leapt to his feet. He was
extremely embarrassed and could not for the life of him figure out why
he was not a deep crimson. This young man had kissed him twice
tonight! Once on the lips! Will had never kissed another person
before, except for mother of course. Let alone another gentleman.
And on the lips! What was going on?

Xander quickly masked his expression of hurt, realizing that it wasn't
Spike's fault that he no longer remembered his life. He stomped
down on the feelings of anger toward Willow and frustration in general
that were threatening to swamp him.

"I'm sorry Will." Xander tried to apologize, but Spike held up a hand
to forestall him.

"I don't believe any of this." Will was adamant. "I don't know what
you've done. If you've somehow drugged me, or if you have indeed
invented some sort of time traveling device that has brought me here.
But I know that I am most definitely not some mythical vampire
creature!"

Will retreated to the other side of the room, placing himself as far from
the others as possible. He sat down his arms coming around to cross
and hug his waist. "And I do not believe in witches, or spells,
or...or...any of this!" Like a child throwing a tantrum Will expelled his
last breath and then sat gracing the group with a stubborn yet
somehow vulnerable look.

"Will." Xander tried to approach, but stopped as soon as he saw
Spflinflinch at his first step. He swallowed the lump in his throat and
continued. "Look at yourself. Are you anything like you last
remember? Haven't you noticed that you haven't taken a breath
since you woke? Try to feel for your pulse." Xander watched as
Spike lifted a hand to his neck, searching for the non-existent
heartbeat. "It's not there is it?" He asked softly.

"That doesn't mean anything." Spike's voice was a whisper. "I'm not
a proper doctor."

"Will, I know you're scared. I know you don't have a reason to trust
us, but please..." Xander begged. "If you could remember you'd
know that you trust us with your life." Xander tried to stop the tear
from falling but failed. He wiped it away quickly.

"Look at yourself." He repeated. He gestured toward the mirror
above the fireplace mantle. He watched as Will stood and walked
over. And he was by his side, catching his falling body as Will fainted
at the distinct lack of reflection.

Xander placed Spike gently on Giles' bed, tucking him under the
covers. Knowing he was still unconscious Xander bent down to press
his lips to Spike's forehead whispering softly. "I love you."

He stood and returned to the living room, sighing as he took a seat on
the floor.

"I think it might be better if we let Spike sleep here tonight Xander."
Giles prompted gently.

"I know." Xander shook his head. "I can't believe it's wigging him out
every time I go near him." ry wry washed his face, rubbing at the
stubble. "Did you see his face when I kissed him?"

"It's not you Xan." Buffy tried to reassure him. "I don't think he was
ever with another guy until after he was turned."

"I know." Xander hung his head. "I guess I'm just being stupid.
Thinking that he loved me enough to just know. You know?"

"Xan stop!" Willow admonished. "You know that Spike loves you.
It's just the spell. He can't help it."

"I know." How many times did he have to repeat it for him to believe
it? "Maybe we should all go get some rest. He's good with you right
G-man?" Xander had to ask.

"Of course Xander. I'll take care of him until you return tomorrow."
Giles promised.

"Okay. I'll bring a few blood bags when I come back. Don't know
how long he'll have to stay here, right?" Xan asked his voice low and
sad.

"It won't be long Xan, I promise." Willow tried to guarantee.

***

He was having a brean. n. An honest to goodness breakdown.
Just when he thought his life was somehow on the right track. A
decent job, a vamp to love, the gods decided to step in and knock him
on his ass.

Xander sank back into his mattress, his head resting lightly on the
pillows. He could smell the faint spice that was Spike, leather and
smoke twisted together. He hugged his lover's pillow to his face,
inhaling the scent.

He couldn't stop the small sob that escaped. He didn't think he had
any tears left to spill tonight. I guess I am a nancy boy, he thought.
And then smiled at the reminder of Spike.

There were so many reminders. They'd invaded each other's lives so
thoroughly over the past two years. Xander could hardly remember
what it had been like before they'd been together. He released the
pillow rolling onto his back to stare up at the ceiling.

His hand came up automatically to caress the scar on his neck. He
could feel his cock twitch at the gentle touch. The biggest reminder of
all. His mark. Spike's claim.

Suddenly he was laughing so loud and so hard that he had to sit up to
catch his breath. The image of Buffy's confused expression and
Giles' exasperated one dancing before his eyes.

***

A few weeks after they'd been returne the their own bodies they had
been out on patrol with Buffy and Giles. Xander had been blind-sided
and tackled by a vamp. As the fangs descended toward his neck
Xander continued to struggle, when abruptly the vamp reared back
and leapt off him.

"Consort!" The vamp hissed, just before Buffy's stake plunged
through its heart.

"What was that all about?" Buffy asked, as she helped Xander up.
"Gotta be more careful Xan."

"Xander! Please tell me that you didn't!" Giles demanded having
heard the vampire's dying declaration.

"Didn't what G-man?" Xander tried to widen his eyes in innocence.
Spike came up beside him and grabbed his hand in support. "What
are you on about watcher?"

"You know what I'm on about Spike!" Giles hissed. "Did you or did
you not bite and claim Xander as consort?" He demanded.

"You bit Xander!" Buffy cried, her hand coming up wielding Mr.
Pointy. "You are so dust!"

"Buffy stop!" Xander cried, stepping in front of his vamp. "He didn't
bite me."

Giles was beside him in a second pulling down the collar of his shirt.
"Then what do you call this?" Giles pointed at the visible scar gracing
his collarbone where shoulder and neck met.

"A bite..." Xander began. "Buffy stop! Let me explain."

"This better be good." Buffy stood tapping her toe, Mr. Pointy at the
ready.

Xander turned to face Slayer and watcher both. "I did it." He could
tell that Spike was just itching to rub Buffy's face in this fact, so he
punched him in the shoulder to keep him from making any dusty
comments.

"Huh?" Buffy asked.

"I did it." He enunciatlowllowly. "When I was Spike. I bit him, while
he was me." Xander tried to explain.

"Xander, do you have any idea what - " Giles began but was quickly
cut off.

"Yeah Giles I do. Spike explained it all before I did it. He wanted to
make sure I knew what I was doing." Xander gave his lover a warm
smile. "I did it anyway. Because I wanted to. Because I love him.
Because I want to carry his mark. And because at the time I wanted
to claim HIM."

Spike let loose a subsonic growl at the fierce proprietorship Xander
expressed.

Ignoring his friends Xander grabbed Spike and pulled him into a
strong embrace. Their lips met and their tongues danced. They both
moaned as their denim covered erections rubbed together. When
they finally broke apart, Xander turned back to Buffy and Giles and
promptly burst out laughing.

Buffy's nose was scrunched up in confusion. Giles' face bore a look
of utter exasperation, although er cer could see traces of a crimson
blush.

He grabbed Spike and turned to head home. At Buffy's parting
comment Xander's body shook with silent laughter, knowing that he'd
never forget the look on his friends faces.

"You bit yourself?"

***

Xander wiped the tears of laughter from his face. He lay back down
on the bed, wrapping his body around Spike's pillow once more. He
sighed deeply at the memories. There were so many good
memories. So many things that he knew he'd never forget, even if his
vamp could never remember.

No! Giles promised that they would reverse the spell. Maybe it was a
little like amnesia. Maybe if he could be reminded of enough things,
he'd remember on his own? He wasn't hit with the full spell like Tara
was anyway.

Tomorrow he would try to talk to Spike some more. Maybe he could
just tell him a few stories about their lives over the past two years. He
couldn't have forgotten everything. With that wishful thought, Xander
finally drifted off to sleep.