Change of Season

A change of seasons,

Raiting: Hard R

Disclaimer: Joss owns all. I'm just playin'

Pairing: Joyce/Faith

A/N: I had every intention of Keeping this a Primarily A Joyce/Faith story as you can see it had other ideas. I hope people enjoyed it anyway.

A/N2: A big warm hearted smooch to Norwalker without the input this would never have been finished


1


"AAAAAAAHHHHH GOD!!!!"

Buffy is lying in bed, her face covered with sweat. Her eyes are wide open, and she looks more scared than she's ever looked before.

Flanking her is Joyce on her right, and Oz on her left. Both are looking down on her, both trying to hide their worry as they try to look supportive for her.

"Mom? MOM! Where are you? Are you here?" Buffy doesn't seem to see her mom standing next to her.

"I'm right here, honey. Don't worry, everything's fine. Just relax, baby." Joyce takes a cloth to Buffy's forehead, daubing off the sweat.

"Oz?" Buffy says, plaintively.

"Right here, babe." Oz squeezes her hand reassuringly.

"Oz," She smiles dreamily, looking at him. Then she frowns. "Oh god, not again! OH GOD OH GOD OOOOOOOOHHHHHHH AAAAAAWWWWWWHHHHHHHH!" She screams, her face all scrunched up from the effort. She sits there a moment, panting, trying to catch her breath.

"Don't fight it Buffy, work with it. Go with it, just let it happen," Joyce says soothingly. "We're right here with you."

"GODDAMNIT! WHY DIDN"T YOU TELL ME IT WAS LIKE THIS?" Buffy yells at anyone who's listening. "IT FEELS LIKE SOMEONE'S SHOVING A VOLCANIC BOWLING BALL THROUGH MY VAGINA!"

"Breathe, honey, breath," Oz says. "Remember? HEH-HEH-HEH…HEEEEEE…"

"BREATHE MY ASS!" A very angry and very pregnant Buffy, in the throes of labor, yells at him. She grunts, straining to push.

"No, not yet," Tara Maclay pops her head above Buffy's spread legs. "Don't push just yet!" She ducks back down.

"I want to get it out. I gotta get it out! Mommy, it HURTS! It HURTS SO MUCH! Make it stop! Please, mommy, make it STOP!" Buffy cries, her face red from effort and pain. "I just want it to stop…"

"Shhh, shhh, honey," Joyce says soothingly, stroking her forehead. "It's almost over. We're almost there now…"

Oz, feeling somewhat out of place and useless, but determined to be useful, grabs a small bowl off the nightstand by Buffy's delivery room bed. Taking the spoon, he scoops out some ice chips and offers it to her.

"Here, baby, have some ice. It'll make you feel better…"

Buffy looks at him, dully yet slightly annoyed. "God, I don't want ICE! I WANT SOMETHING TO MAKE THIS… OOOOOOAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWW!" She lets out another loud bellow.

"Ok, Buffy. Now push," Tara calls out. "You're ready… push!"

Buffy grunts, and pushes, her hands clutching her mom's and Oz's tightly.


"UUUUUUUHHHHHHH"

Joyce watches as her baby, her little girl, struggles to become a mother. She's not ready for this. … I'm not ready for this! How is she going to deal with being a mom after all she's been through? She hasn't even had a chance to see what else is out there, and now she has a baby to take care of.

It's too soon. She's had to grow up too fast. This isn't fair! Dammit, it isn't fair!

"C'mon, Buff. Just bear down now… push…" Oz, leaning over, encourages her.

Joyce can't help but smile at the young man that's become such a big part of her daughter's life. Sometimes I think he's the only thing that's kept her going… Joyce could see the devotion he felt for Buffy whenever he looked at her. At first glance, he appeared to be aloof almost to the point of indifference. It wasn't until you got to know him that a strong passion was hidden behind those almost unreadable eyes. And one of his biggest passions was her daughter. He even put his band on hiatus until after she gave birth, so he'd be here…

But it wasn’t like that at first. Not after what happened… she didn't trust anyone…

Joyce flashes back to another night, 6 months prior, to another hospital room. Standing off to the side, watching as the doctor examines Buffy for injuries.

"You say your husband did this to her?" The doctor turns to Joyce, a dour expression on his face.

"My ex-husband, yes," Joyce says, tight lipped.

"He should be in jail," He turns Buffy's head, examining the side. "I don't see any sign of concussion or sub-dermal contusions, but I'd like to keep her overnight for observation."

"Of course," Joyce agrees.

"If you'll wait here, I'll see to getting her placed in a room." The doctor starts out, and then turns back. "Your husband… ex-husband," He corrects himself, seeing her look,"… is he her father?"

"Yes," Joyce says quietly.

The doctor mutters something under his breath, shakes his head and walks out. Joyce turns towards Buffy to find her dressing.

"What're you doing?"

"I want to go home," Buffy says quietly, but firmly.

"Buffy, you heard the doctor. He wants you to stay overnight for observation."

"I'm fine, mother. I just want to go home now." Buffy starts to pull on her jeans.

"Buffy, stop!" Joyce comes over, putting a restraining hand on Buffy's arm. "The doctor says you're to stay, and you're staying."

"Let go of me!" Buffy shakes her off. "I don't like this place! I don't want to stay here! I want to go home!"

"Buffy, we can't go home," Joyce says, exhausted. "The police have sealed the house. It's a crime scene. Dawn and I are going to stay at a motel until I can make other arrangements…"

Buffy slumps against the exam table as if the energy has been sucked out of her. She stares at the floor, silently.

"What happened tonight, Buffy? Why was Hank at the house? Did you call him?"

"No! He just… he just showed up…" Buffy's voice sounds distant. "He said he wanted to see you…"

"Me? Why did he want to see me?"

"He… didn't say. Not really…"

"What happened? Why did he attack you?"

"I dunno… he was acting weird. Asking all sorts of questions, and getting all … he just got angry because I told him to leave…"

"He hit you for that?"

"No… not until I said I was going to call the police…"

"Buffy!"

"He was acting all… like he was … I dunno… like drunk… but he wasn't drunk… just crazy…I don't know…" Buffy clutches her head, then winces. "I don't want to talk about it, ok?"

"Buffy, we have to talk about…"

"No! NO! I don't want to… I can't think right now, ok? Everything's all confused, ok?"

"Ok, ok, honey," Joyce says, backing down. "We'll talk later… when you're feeling better…"

"Where's Faith?" Buffy asks, "Is she ok? Is she here? Dad beat on her pretty badly… What? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, Buffy. We'll talk about it in the morning."

"No, tell me, what's wrong? Where's Faith? She should be here…"

"Buffy…" Joyce takes a breath, bracing herself. "Faith's under arrest. They're holding her for manslaughter."

"What?" Buffy goes deathly pale.

"I was hoping to wait on this, until you were feeling better. But …" Joyce walks over, putting an arm around Buffy's shoulders. " Hank's dead, Buffy. He died of the head wound Faith gave him when she hit him!"

"NO!" Buffy breaks away from her mother, moving across the room. "No, that's wrong… that can't be right…you're lying to me!"

"Buffy…"

"He can't be dead! He cant' be DEAD!" Buffy's voice rises, "You're LYING!"

"Buffy… calm down. Faith didn't mean to …"

"FAITH?" Buffy looks at Joyce like she's from another planet. "Faith never hit him! I hit him! I KILLED HIM!"

Buffy collapses against the wall, sobbing.

Joyce stands there, stunned. "Buffy, what are you saying?"

"I didn't mean to…" Buffy's voice has a hollow tone. "But he was so … he caught me, and tore my clothes… and threw me on the bed… and he said horrible things… called me horrible things… and then he… he…" Buffy's voice trails off, as she relives the scene in her head. "He forced me… he … he… raped me…"

Joyce stands there, stunned. She feels her stomach turn over, and a quiet rage builds up in her breast.

"It wasn't like before… I thought he loved me… he said he loved me… when we were together… he was so loving… but this time, he was … he was … he forced himself on me…"

Joyce didn't think she could feel sicker. But she does. Before? This happened… before? He RAPED HER BEFORE?

"…and then Faith burst in, and she went at him with the bat… but he grabbed it, and then he threw it away and grabbed her… and he started to hit her… and taunted her… and hit her… and I screamed… I told him to leave her alone… but he didn't… he just… and I saw the bat… and I saw red… I didn't even think…I just wanted to hurt him… I wanted him to go away! I wanted him to get out! I … didn't mean to… I didn't want to kill him…"

Joyce can't breathe. She feels as if her throat has closed up, and her stomach is flopping over and over and over. Still, somehow, she manages to walk over to Buffy, and take her gently into her arms.

Buffy clings to her, sobbing.

"Buffy… how long? How long have you and…how long did he…"

"It started when I was 14, almost 15… he… said he didn't want to run around, and be with someone else. He said you didn't love him… not like that anymore… and that he had needs… and I was afraid… I didn't want to lose my daddy… I … I thought I could … he would stay if I… we… and at first, it seemed ok, he was so… gentle… I wanted to make him happy. I loved him, mom… I didn't mean to kill him… god, I'm some kind of sick monster! I killed him! " She looks up at her mother, eyes wide, tears streaming down her cheeks. "I know I did wrong, mom, and I'm sooo sorry. I didn't mean to… I thought I was… helping… and I loved him… and I love you… and I wanted our family to be …oh god, what's wrong with me?" She breaks away, moving away from Joyce, across the room. "He was right. I'm a whore. I'm a sick perverted slut!"

"Buffy… no, baby… no…" Joyce moves towards her. "It's not your fault, honey. He … abused you… he took advantage of you…"

I WANTED HIM TO! I LOVED HIM! I DIDN'T… I didn't… want to lose my daddy…" Buffy stares at her, eyes swollen. "I wanted him to do it, don't you see? He seduced me, but I wanted him to do it. I thought if he had me at home, he wouldn't leave us, go looking for someone else. Don't you see, I wanted him there, I wanted our family together, and I thought …" She turns away, facing the wall, like a child being punished. " I thought he loved me. I though it would all be ok if I did it… I didn't know…about the other stuff. I screwed up, ok? I screwed up and … I didn't want to kill him… I only wanted him to go away… stop hurting me… us…"


Joyce approaches her slowly, cautiously. Before Buffy can turn or escape, she gently puts her arms around her.

Buffy doesn't struggle, or move. She just stands there, stiff and unresponsive. Joyce gently leads her back to the exam table, and undresses her, leaving her in the hospital gown like before. Buffy doesn't resist, doesn't speak. She just stands there looking at Joyce as if she doesn't really see her, or recognize her.

Joyce feels sick. Sick beyond anything she's ever felt before. Sick, and angry. Angry at Hank, and mostly, angry with herself.
This has been going on nearly four years, and I didn't even see it? What the hell is wrong with me? How could I … how could I let him do this to her! What kind of mother am I?

She folds Buffy's clothes, to keep her hands busy. She puts them on the exam table, and almost jumps when Buffy speaks.

"You'll tell them, won't you?"

"Tell them?"

"The police. That Faith didn't do anything. That I did it. You'll tell them, won't you?"

"Buffy, don't worry about that right now. Right now, concentrate on getting better…"

Buffy looks at her, and starts to giggle. Then the giggle becomes louder, and she starts to laugh deeply.

"Get… better? You … want me to get… better? Better than what? Better so I can what? Kill somebody else?" She collapses against the table, laughing merrily. "Oh, why not? I mean, I'm not good for anything else? But man, I sure can kill 'em good. Yessiree, I better get better so I can do it better, don't you think? Be a better slut? Or a better killer? Or Both? Yeah…" She's out of control, laughing hysterically. "Oh yeah, better. I'll get REALLY BETTER, mom! You're killing me, mom. Hey, I made a joke! You're killing me! Get it? Get it? GET IT?"

Joyce, realizing Buffy's on the edge, walks over and slaps her.

Buffy stares at her, holding her cheek, puzzled. Then the tears start down her face, and she stands there, crying without making a sound.

Joyce wraps her arms around Buffy, and pulls her close.

"It's ok, now, baby. It's ok… it's going to be ok now…"

Even as she holds Buffy, Joyce can't seem to make herself believe that.


2


"Mrs. Summers? Joyce?"

Joyce is at the registration desk, filling out insurance information when she hears her name called. She turns to see Willow Rosenberg making a beeline for her.

Oh, not what I need right now… Joyce sighs, not wanting to deal with any of the thousand questions she knows are coming. Despite that, she turns to greet Willow.

"Hello, Willow. Buffy's ok, that is she's fine physically, but she… well, she's really not up to visitors…"

"Oh." Willow stops, disappointed. She really had wanted to see for herself that Buffy was ok. She looks at Joyce, feeling a distressed vibe coming off her. "Are you ok, Mrs. Summers. You look…" She notes Joyce's pallor.


Maybe it's because Willow doesn't push to see Buffy. Maybe it's because Willow notices that Joyce didn't look well… maybe it was because Joyce doesn't have to go into protective mother mode. Whatever it is, suddenly something lets down in Joyce, and suddenly she feels very, very ill.

"Excuse me… I…" She looks around, and spotting a restroom sign, hurries off towards it.

Willow stands there for a moment, watching her hurry away, confused. "Did I say something wrong?"

Shaking it off, she notes that Joyce is heading for the restroom. A little too quickly for it to be for the normal reasons. Concerned, she starts to follow her, and has a sudden almost overwhelming sense of déjà vu. Ok, this is just downright creepy, she thinks as she reaches the ladies room and pushes the door open.

Even creepier, from her perspective, is the sounds and smells of someone being sick, followed by the sound of a toilet being flushed. She stands there for a moment, feeling a shiver run down her spine.

The last time this happened, I found out something I really didn't want to know. Maybe I should just go now…

"Willow?" Joyce spots her as she exits the stall. Her face is pallid, and it's obvious she's not feeling well. She walks over to the sink, splashing water on her face. "Maybe you should go home, dear. I'm sure Buffy will be able to have visitors tomorrow…"

"Mrs. Summers…"

"You might as well call me Joyce, Willow. Everyone else does…" Never mind I never want that name attached to me again!

"Joyce… are you ok?" Willow repeats the now inane question, not really knowing what to ask.

"No, I'm not ok, Willow, not really…" Joyce admits, wondering why she did. "I guess finding out you're the worst mother that ever lived kind of knocks the wind out of you…" She leans on the sink, looking and feeling exhausted.

"Mrs. … Joyce, that's ridiculous… " Willow comes over to her. "You're a good mom."

"Oh, sure, I'm a great mom," Joyce says, sarcastically. She turns to Willow. "How could I be so blind. How could I just let this happen, and not see what was going on? I…"

Oh, man, she knows. Buffy must've told her!

"She told you!"

Joyce looks at Willow strangely.

"She told you?" Joyce asks, her tone wary and … slightly harsh.

"Only because … well, she was acting crazy and I was trying to get to the bottom of it and she finally confessed…"

"And you didn't tell me? Or anyone? That…" Joyce shakes her head, unbelieving. "How could you not tell anyone?"

"She… she made me promise. I wanted to tell you… I tried to get her to tell you, but she wouldn't… she was afraid of how you'd react … "

"How am I supposed to react? This is horrible!" Joyce is growing angrier by the second. How dare this … this child… not tell me what's happening to my daughter!

"Horrible?" Willow's stunned. "Horrible? God, no wonder she didn't want to tell you! She needs you right now… needs your support… and you're acting like it's the worst thing that ever happened to her…?"

"What are you saying? You're acting like it's normal. Like it happens every day. After what Buffy's father did to her…"

"Buffy's father?" Buffy's dad? "What the heck does he have to do with…” Willow suddenly stops, her jaw dropping open. Oh. My. God! " Buffy's dad… he made her pregnant?" She asks, almost in a whisper.

" Buffy's PREGNANT!????!!!" Joyce shouts, leaning heavily against the sink. Oh god, what else could go crazy tonight. Buffy's… "Wait a minute. Are you… what're you saying?"

"You didn't… but I thought… what were you talking about… ?"

They look at each other. Then they look away, both reddening.

Joyce seems to recover first, though she wishes somehow she were still swimming in the sea of confusion Willow still seems to be in. A thought occurs to her. Something Willow said… something awful.

Hank. Hank with Buffy. Buffy. Pregnant.

No, no, no, no…NO! NO! NO!

She doesn't want to, can't believe this. This is just too much; too much to take in. But she turns to see Willow staring at her, open mouthed, and it all falls into place. Suddenly, her stomach rebels, and she's stumbling over to the stalls once again. She leans over, but her stomach is empty. She just has the dry heaves.

Willow, forced out of her shock because of Joyce, goes over and kneels by her, holding her.

Joyce is gripping the toilet, her knuckles white from the strain. She's shaking violently, and tears are streaming down her cheeks. She looks up at Willow, and Willow feels her heart break for the woman.

"Are you… are you …how do you know for sure…?"

Willow suddenly falls silent. She realizes if she tells Joyce about the test…

"Willow, answer me…" Joyce's tone becomes firmer, even as the tears stream down her face. "How do you know?"

"I… I…" Willow sees the look on Joyce's face. Forgive me, but I've got to. "She… went to the doctor's. With Faith… they confirmed it…"

Joyce feels the last pillar in her world, the one holding it up from collapsing, give way. "Faith. Faith knew?"

"Only that she was pregnant. We… didn't… know about… the other…" Willow has an epiphany. "That's why she wouldn't talk about the father…" Suddenly, she feels very, very ill.

This night has been too much for her. Arguing with her father. Learning about Cordelia. Going to Buffy's, only to find the police. And now, this… Willow begins to shudder violently.

Joyce, despite her own pain, is ever the mom. Seeing Willow, she moves and gently guides her head towards the toilet as she is sick. And sick, and sick. She holds her head, caressing her hair. Somehow, it makes her feel better, doing this. It gives her a sense of control on the world that has gone suddenly crazy on her.

Finally, finished, Willow flushes the toilet, reaching for some tissue to wipe her mouth. She looks embarrassed and apologetic.

"God, I'm sorry, Joyce, I just…"

"It's ok, believe me, I can understand…" She puts a hand on Willow's shoulder. "Are you…"

Willow just stares at her.

"Me, either," Joyce says grimly. She gets to her feet, and helps Willow up.

Both women stumble to the sinks, staring at the crazy people staring back at them out of the mirrors. They both splash cold water, hoping it will wake them from the nightmare.

"Now what?" Willow is staring into the mirror. Do I look older? I feel older…

Joyce looks at the young woman sharing the sink and the secret. She notes how pale, how awful she looks. This is too much, way too much for her to deal with.

"Willow, I think you should go home now…" Joyce says softly.

Willow almost successfully hides the look of relief on her face. But she still wants to be there, be available if she's needed.

"I'm…Ok. I can stay, if you want?"

"No, I think… we've both had enough for tonight, and I've got to collect Dawn… oh god.. DAWN! I… she's … have you seen her? In the confusion, I didn't…"

"She's on the way, I think. I sent Xander after her, because she… well, she was upset. I told him to just follow… but he never listens to me…" Thank god!

"Oh… she's with Xander, then?" Relief washes over Joyce. Followed by major anxiety. She looks at Willow. "What am I going to tell her…?"

"Nothing…"

"I have to tell her…"

"I mean, tonight, Joyce. I don't think either of you are ready for that tonight. Do you?"

Joyce looks at her, amazed at how much calm she's managed to recapture in so short a time. If Buffy can count you as a friend, she's very lucky, Joyce thinks to herself.

"Maybe you're right. Bad enough we can't go home…" She looks at herself in the mirror. "Do I look ok? I mean, for a mom? I don't want to scare her…"

Willow can't help admiring how Joyce pulls herself together, to protect her daughter. She wonders if her own mom would be able to do that.

"You're ok. I think you'll pass."

Joyce looks in the mirror, not as sure as Willow. I wonder if I'll ever be able to pass as a decent mother again? She suddenly has a strong urge to just run away, hide and forget everyone and everything. That urge passes quickly when she realizes her daughters need her. And Faith…

"Oh, god, Faith! She's still in jail…I've got to…"

"Whoa. Whoa up, Joyce. One thing at a time. Dawn first, then Faith…"

Joyce looks at her, almost frightened by the unintended eeriness of that statement. That's always how it is, isn't it? The kids first, then Faith…

"We better go back out there," Joyce says, doing a final inspection, and straightening her blouse.

They walk out of the bathroom, and the world comes crashing right back in.

"MOM! Oh my god! Is Buffy ok? Faith! They took her away!… the police took her away! We've got to go get her!"

Dawn , breaking off from Xander, comes rushing at Joyce, burying herself in Joyce's arms. Joyce holds her, trying to calm her down.

Willow walks over to Xander, who's looking somewhat distressed and confused.

"I thought I told you not to catch up with her," Willow puts on a mock stern face.

"I tried not to. But she stopped halfway, and busted me. I didn't have a choice…" He shrugs. "Sorry, guess I'm not so much a Sam Spade…"

Willow smiles. With all the world going to hell around her, thank god there's still Xander Harris. Grabbing his arm, she starts to lead him away.

"Willow? What… what about…"

"It's time to go home, Xander…"

"But… Dawn…" He points back towards mother and daughter.

"They need some alone time right now…"


* * *


"So, why are we out here again?" Dawn paces around the small waiting room.

Xander, Willow and Faith are with her in the waiting room, trying to make themselves comfortable. Dawn, however, isn't very happy about not being in the delivery room.

"Tara thought, since Buffy has already gone into labor, that it might be better if we just wait out here," Willow explains, again. "It's going to be confusing enough in there, with her mom and Oz …"

"Hey, how come he gets to be in there, and not me? I'm her sister!" Dawn complains, finally settling down by Xander. "I mean, blood's thicker than boyfriends!"

"Hey, boyfriend sitting right next to you," Xander teases her, trying to lighten the mood.

Dawn throws him an evil look. Xander wilts a little.

"Dawn," Willow pulls up every bit of patience she can muster. "Buffy wanted Oz to be there. They've grown really close over the last few months, and she wanted him to share this with her…"

"Meaning, I suppose, that she didn't want me to share it with her…"

"No, that's not what Willow said, Dawn," Faith cuts in. "Right now, Buffy's going through a lot. Do you really wanna be in there and watch every moment as she gives birth? I mean, I don't know personally, but it can get kinda gruesome, I hear…"

"YES!" Dawn exclaims, then switches around. "NO! Gross! I mean… god I don't know what I mean. I just… well, I'm becoming an aunt, and I've never been an aunt before, and I want to be there to see the birth of my niece…" Dawn makes a noise, and settles back on the lounger. "I don't know what I want. It just doesn't seem fair!" She crosses her arms, and glares out into space. "Not like anyone's really been including me on anything, lately."

"Look, Dawnie, no one's meaning to leave you outta stuff. Just, it's been rough on everyone, with the pregnancy and the trial and everything. I know it doesn't seem fair, and all, but sometimes that's just the way things go…" Faith shrugs. "It's not like we're trying to exclude you or nothing."

"Yeah, well, be nice if people remember I'm part of this family too. I can help if someone would let me…"

"Dawn, your mom's doing her best, ok? Try to see that!"

"Yeah, sure, take her side. Like you always do!"

"Guys? We're in a hospital," Willow tries to calm things down. "We don't want to get thrown out, ok?"

"C'mon, Dawn, you're gonna be an aunt! That's so cool," Xander puts his arm around her. "So, what's Buffy going to call her?"

"I'm not a child, Xander. I don't need to be distracted. I know how to act," Dawn shakes him off, and gets up. "I think I'm gonna get something to drink. I'll be back later…"

"Hey, Dawn, I'm sorry. I didn’t mean to snap," Faith goes to her, putting her hand on Dawn's shoulder.

"Me too. Guess I'm just worried about Buffy. Sorry…" She turns, and walks down the hall.

Willow sits there, a little shell shocked. She looks over, and the look on Xander's face goes straight to her heart. The confusion and hurt, looking like a lost, whipped puppy. Poor guy, he's got it bad for her, she thinks, feeling bad for him. I wonder if she even realizes how much he cares?

Knock it off, Will. Don't get on her case. She's had it rough. All of them have had it rough. These last six months have been so crazy. Ever since that night Mr. Summers died…

I never thought I'd make it through. How did any of us?"



3


Ira Rosenberg picks up one of the folding chairs from the party. The party's over, and it's time to clean up.

It was a good night. All his friends showed up, wishing him well in his new position as Chazzan. Even Sam Goldstein, that old fraud, had congratulated him.

Yeah, and he was extremely jealous to boot. I know he wanted it. Bad! But he didn't get it, and I did. So, there, Sam Goldstein! All your money didn't do it this time, did it, you putz!

Yes, it was a good night for Ira. A very good night.

But not a perfect night. He can't help thinking about the kitchen, and all that went on in there. He stops by the mantel, looking at a picture.

A picture of his daughter, Willow, staring down at him from a portrait shot of her. She's smiling that infectious smile of hers, and he can't help but smile back.

"You…" He shakes his head, half angry with himself, half pleased. "You could always do that, couldn't you? Get me to smile, even when I didn't want to smile." He stands there, staring at the portrait. "You're such the charmer when you want to be, kinderlech. Always were…" He sighs. "God, what is wrong with me? Why did I make such a big deal? I was all bent out of shape, because she couldn't make 5 minutes to spend with her dad. Just look at her…I should be happy. She's beautiful, and strong… and happy. Why shouldn't I be happy she's happy, even if she's… what's that term they use now?" He pauses, trying to think of it.

"Gay. We use gay, dad."

Ira, startled, almost drops the chair. He turns and sees Willow standing across the room from him.

"Willow! My goodness, you gave me a start! What're you doing, sneaking up on me like that? Are you trying to give me a … wait a second. Aren't you supposed to be over at your friend's house? What're you… honey? Are you ok?" Even in this light, he sees something is wrong.

"No… I'm really not, dad…"

And suddenly, she's in his arm, clinging tightly and crying. Sobbing and shaking.

Ira, overwhelmed, doesn’t know what to do. So he does what comes naturally, and just puts his arms around her, holding her.

"Kinderlech, what is it? What's wrong…?"

"Don't, please, dad, don't ask." Willow buries her head in his chest, sniffling. "Just thank god for you!"

Ira Rosenberg is a religious man. Even so, he sometimes wonders at the craziness of God's actions.

And sometimes, he just accepts the gifts.


4


What's wrong with me?"

Willow holds the phone in her hand. The one she can't keep from shaking.

Her whole world seems upside down.

Buffy pregnant. By her dad!

Faith in Jail. For killing Buffy's dad!

Is the whole world going crazy? She wonders, trying to steady her hand. Finally, deciding she was hungry, she takes an apple out of her bag. She sits there, staring into space.

It has to be going crazy. First I walk over to Buffy's, and it's become a war zone, with police and ambulance's everywhere. Then the hospital, with Joyce. Buffy's dad was molesting her? Oh god, oh god, oh my god! First Cordelia's dad … now Buffy's dad…

Willow looks up when a shadow covers her. She sees Xander Harris looking down at her.

At least Xander is normal! THANK YOU GOD FOR THAT!

"Xander…" She gestures for him to sit next to her.

"Will, what the heck is going on?" Xander doesn't sit. He just stares at Willow.

Ok, maybe normal is too strong a word here…

"Xander? What do you mean?"

"What do I mean? I come home with Dawn from a date, and her house looks like it's been invaded. There's police tape everywhere, and they're leading Faith away in handcuffs. Buffy and her mom are going to the hospital. Her dad is in a coma. Then Dawn storms off, and instead of going to the hospital, she goes to the police station. Faith is being held by the police for manslaughter. Dawn almost goes nuts, realizing her dad has died. We go to the hospital, see you there with Mrs. Summers, and you pull me away before I can learn anything, and won't talk to me…" He finally sits down, but not too close to Willow. "Now, I've tried to call her a zillion times, but all I get is her voice mail. She doesn't call back…and I still don't know what's going on. Why did Faith attack Dawn's dad? No one will answer me anything…"

Willow sees the worried look on her face, and her heart goes out to him. She knows exactly how he feels.

She tried returning to the hospital this morning, to see how Joyce and buffy were doing, to offer sympathy or a shoulder or an ear, if they needed it. But buffy had been released and all she's gotten is her voice mail. When she tried the home number, it was disconnected.

Willow was worried about buffy . This couldn't be good for her, being alone… not like this…Shut up willow. she has her Family.

She still feels guilty, and relieved. After what Cordelia told her, she won't waste any tears on Hanks death. But she can't help feeling guilty she's glad he's dead. She knows, despite what he's done to her, Buffy must be feeling awful about his death right now.

She wants to comfort her, give her a vent. And can't.

And she can see the same in Xander. She knows he really cares about Dawn, and wants to help. And he feels helpless being shut out.

She puts a consoling arm around his shoulders, and gives him a hug.

"Hey, it's ok. They're gonna be ok…"

"How do you know that?" He snaps at her. Then he apologizes. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I just meant, I wish I could believe that. But I can't get ahold of Dawn. She won't answer her phone. And they're not at home… there's still police tape up on the porch, and there's a notice the house has been sealed for investigation…" he hits his knees with his hands. "OW! Damn, that hurt…"

"Why'd you do that, Xander, " Willow shakes her head. "Of course it's going to hurt."

"I just wish I knew what the heck is going on around here…"

"No, Xander, you really don't…"

"You know? Tell! Come on, Will, spill it. Please!" He gets down, gingerly, on his knees in front of her. "Please, you've got to tell me. I gotta know…"

"Well, aint that cute? Hey, dork-o. I know you're desperate for a girl, and all, but don't you think it's kind of pointless proposing to Queer-O Rosenberg? Seeing she's all lezzy…?"

Both turn to see Harmony standing there, hands on hips, smirking at them.

"Or maybe you decided to try the other team?"

"Harmony," Xander gets up, wincing a little. "Don't you have anything better to do? Like fill your head with air or something? It's looking a little flat."

"Ha, Ha. Xander. You're so funny, I almost forgot to laugh."

""Harmony… how's Cordelia doing?" Willow gets up, going to her. "I mean, you know, with things…"

"What? What do you mean?" Harmony, for a moment, doesn't get it. Then it sinks in. "Oh, right… things… like you care, Lesbo?" She makes an impatient noise," Not that it's any of your business, but she's … she's ok."

"I do care Harmony…" She feels Xander's eye burning a hole in her. Never mind Harmony's sullen look. "As a friend, only a friend, ok?"

"Cordelia's strong. She can deal." Harmony gets her hackles up, in defense. "Trust me, she's a lot stronger than you!"

"Harm, this isn't… I'm just worried about her. Nothing more…" Willow shows her palms, as if surrendering. "I'm just worried… because of things."

"Things? What things? Will, what're you talking about?" Xander is feeling a little confused.

"Nothing you should worry about Xander," Willow cuts him off. She turns to Harmony. "So?"

"She's fine… with the things, ok?" Harmony is having a little trouble keeping up, too.

"Good…good."


"Willow…" Xander, not enjoying any part of this, interrupts. "Just let it alone. I'm sure Harmony has some frosh bashing to do."

"Xander, back off, ok? This isn't about you," Willow snaps at him.

"Fine!" He raises his hands, and his hackles. "I'll be over here when you've returned to your senses." He walks off, a little huffily.

"Well, he's all Mr. Snarky, isn't he?" Harmony comments, watching him go. "What a dork."

"This isn't about you making fun of him, either. I want to know how Cordelia's doing."

"Hey, boney butt. I'm not your servant. I don't even know why I'm talking to you, anyway. I've got better things to do, like watch my fingernail polish dry…"

"Oh for god's sake, Harmony. For once, stop acting like a jealous ass. I don't want Cordelia, she's all yours! I just want to know if she's ok…"

"Hey, we're not a bunch of queer sick-o's like you, Rosenberg, so get over it. She's… we're just friends."

"Whatever. How IS she? Is she ok?"

Harmony looks at her strangely for a moment. Then she leans in.

"She told me what you said. About… treating me better…" Harmony's face suddenly relaxes. "Thank you…" She looks around quickly, to be sure no one's listening. "She… if you really want to know … she's… look, she could use someone up there. To talk to. She can't come to school. She… can't deal with it. I'm trying to help, but she could use … you said you were her friend. Prove it. Go there, talk to her, ok?" Her face hardens a little. "That is, if you can find time in your busy schedule, what with all the gay pride parades and stuff…"

Willow sighs. She can't even ask a favor without getting bitchy about it.

"I dunno, Harmony. I mean, considering everything, it might not be the best thing for me to go see her…"

"Figures, I told her you really don't give a crap…" Harmony says, returning to normal mode. "Don't do us any favors."

"It's not like that, Harmony. I do care about her. I just figured, her being all upset, I didn't figure me being there would help things…"

"Look, she wants to see you. God knows why," Harmony says, tightly. "That's why I'm here. That and to get her some course work. Something to keep her mind busy…" Harmony moves closer, and Willow steps back a bit. "I'm not going to hit you, stupid." She moves closer again. "Look, she doesn't… she doesn't have too many friends. Real friends. And she's… she's lonely. Ok? She needs someone to talk to, and for some strange reason, she trusts you. She… just do it, ok? Don't make me beg." Harmony's façade cracks a little. "I'm worried about her, ok? Just …"

"Ok, I'll come…" She puts out her hand, touching Harmony's shoulder. "She's lucky to have you…"

"God. Don't touch me!" Harmony says loudly, moving away. "I don't want your rainbow cooties, ok? Keep your gay hands to yourself!"

Without ceremony, she walks off, leaving Willow standing there, looking foolish.

Ok, there's a good case for enforced confinement… she shouldn't be let out without a keeper or two…

"Are you done now?"

"Xander, " Willow turns around to face him. "Sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you…"

"Forget it, everybody's a little edgy… what did she want, anyway?"

"Nothing…"

"C'mon, Will. We promised, after the last time? " Xander looks at her. "What did she talk to you about?"

"Just… Cordelia wants to see me…" Willow shrugs. "Don’t know if I'm going…"

"You're thinking about it?"

"Xander, it's none of your buisness...

"Really? Who says so?"

"Xander! "You don't know the whole story?"

Then tell me.

They stand, glaring at each other for a moment.

"Can we talk about something else?" Willow finally backs down. "Really, I don't think we can talk about this…"

She trails off, and they stand around a bit awkwardly for a moment. They've been best friends since both can remember, and silences like this weren't at all comfortable.

"I guess we could talk about what we were going to talk about before Her Airheadedness showed up," Xander breaks the silence.

"Xander, I'm not sure you really want to hear…"

"Darn it, Will. I'm not a baby! Something's wrong. Dawn won't return my calls, and I gotta know why!"

"Can't you accept it's not you, and let that be enough until she does call you back?" Willow already knows the answer.

"I see. I should be patient, right? But let's say it was… oh, you and you were worried about Buffy and she wasn't calling you back. Wouldn't you be a bit upset?"

Willow blushes deeply. "It's not like that between Buffy and me. I … we're just good friends, and yes I'd be worried but…"

"But nothing. You'd be all Nancy Drew, and wanting to know what the heck is going on! So, I'm Joe Hardy. I gotta know!"

Much as she hates to admit it, she knows he's right. She'd be digging and digging to get at the truth. I so hate he knows me that well! Still, she's not loving having to tell him the truth. Not loving it at all.

"Ok, Xander. I warned you…" Willow's face goes a little grim. "Sit down."

Willow takes the next 30 minutes to tell Xander all she knows about what happened at the Summer's home, also explaining what she learned from Joyce, and also Buffy's condition. By the end of it. Xander is looking at her, opened mouth. His neck is flushed.

"Will, that's just… god, that's worse than a Passions plot! I can't believe that Buffy and her dad…" His face takes a slightly sickly look. "… it just seems so…"

"Wrong? Perverted? Monstrous…" Willow's own anger is bubbling just below the surface. "That … that creep is a …." She follows up with a word rarely heard to pass her lips. Xander looks surprised.

"Willow! Language! Do you kiss your mom with that mouth?"

"I don't kiss my mom at all if I can help it, Xander, " Willow says tightly. "And that doesn't make it any less true."

Xander gets an awful thought.

"You don't think… he didn't… I mean… Dawn…" He feels his own anger starting to perk. "If he even looked at her wrong, I'll kill the son-of-a-bitch…"

"Little late for that, don't you think Xander? He's already dead. That's why Faith is in jail… haven't you been listening?"

"Too much… and when I think of him thinking maybe about Dawn that way I…"

"See? This is why I didn't want to tell you, Xander. I knew you'd react like this, and you're not EVEN thinking. Dawn wasn't… she didn't… that didn't happen, ok? And you're thinking like this? Not going to help anyone…"

"But, he might have…"

"That's not the point, is it? The point is, if Dawn hasn't told you it happened, then you have to think it didn't happen. Otherwise… what? If it did, does that make her … damaged goods now?" Willow scrutinizes him closely.

"No! Of course not… but…"

"The 'but' is, IF anything happened to her, it's up to HER to tell you, and you go on from there. Hopefully…" Willow looks at him sternly."… being the guy I know and sticking by her, no matter what."

"Well yeah of course… god, Will, you know I'd never… that's… HOW DID THIS BECOME ABOUT ME?"

"You made it about you, by jumping to conclusions. I'm saying, stop it."

"Oh," Xander falls silent, a little embarrassed. "What about Faith?" He finally speaks.

"What? Oh… I dunno. I haven't heard. Still in jail, I guess, " Willow shrugs. "She hit him pretty hard… enough to kill him…"

"Good."

"What?"

"Good. I'm glad she did. He deserved to die. What he did… there's no forgiving that!"

"Xander!"

"No, I'm sorry, Will. He was a monster. A beast! Doing that to his own daughter!? And I'm supposed to what? Bake him cookies and hold hands and sing "Kumbaya" with him? I don't think so!"

"It's not your choice to make…"

"It IS my choice how I feel, Will!" He turns away, "Frankly, I think they should give her a medal, not put her in jail."

"Whatever you think, Xander, there are still laws. It has to be settled in court."

"Yeah, well, you know what? If they don't let her off, I swear …" Xander makes a rude noise. "They're not only wrong, but stupid, too."

Willow looks at the back of his neck, and can't help smiling. So passionate! Gotta love the guy, even if he's being kind of a butthead.

"Hey, Xan," Willow reaches over, patting his shoulder. "Don't sweat it. I'm sure it'll be ok."

"Yeah, sure."

"It will."

"Sure, sure…" Xander stands. "I gotta get to class."

"That's a first," Willow says, quietly.

"What?"

"You… wanting to go to class."

"Yeah, well, everything's weird."

"No argument here," She says, standing and hooking her arm through his. "Walk me to class?"

"Hey, better watch it. People will think you've gone straight."

"Naw," Willow chuckles, as they walk towards the main building. "Everyone knows you're a big old girl…"

"HEY!"




5


Avery Chase studies the front page of the paper with some interest.

Usually, he doesn't bother with the front page… Sensationalist garbage… but today is different. The top story catches his eye.

"Local businessman killed in domestic dispute. Suspect held for questioning" He reads the headline to himself. "Hank Summers, a local businessman and former CEO of Summerland Inc., was killed at the residence of his estranged wife last night in an apparent domestic dispute. Faith McKerrigan, friend of the wife, is being held for questioning…"

Avery lowers the paper, looking thoughtful. How odd. Seems Hank's failing luck finally ran out on him…

"Miss Kendall…" Avery looks up at Harmony.

Harmony is seated across from him. Except for a very small thong, and a pair of black thigh highs and heels, she is very naked. She returns his look, with a slightly bored expression. On leg is draped over the arm of the chair.

"Well, hi. Thought you'd never notice I was here," Harmony says, her voice slightly pouty. She swings her leg seductively. I did skip cheerleading pratice to be here. She smiles at him.

"I was well aware you were here, Miss Kendall. I was just otherwise occupied," Avery says, with some asperity. "Have you never heard of clothes?"

"What's wrong, Avery?" Harmony seems to almost slither out of her chair. She walks the short distance to his desk, and leans over. "Don't you like what I'm wearing?"

Avery smiles tightly. "You're well aware I appreciate your… charms, my dear," He reaches up, cupping her breast with his hand. His thumb flicks over the nipple, causing her to gasp. "Still, there is a time and place for everything…"

"I thought you liked my assets to be clearly visible at all times…" Harmony purrs, pushing her breast against his hand.

"There is more to life than sex…"

Harmony looks at him blankly.

"Well for some of us, anyway…" he amends. He puts the paper down in front of her. "This girl. Do you know her?"

Harmony looks, and shakes her head. "Never seen her."

"Strange…" He looks at the picture of Faith, his brow furrowed. "She seems familiar… I know I've heard her name before…"

Harmony looks again, and shrugs. "Nope. She looks sort of trashy, though…"

Avery gives her a glance, images of pots and kettles coming to mind.

"What?" She asks, noticing his expression.

"Nothing, my dear… " He leans back in his chair. "Not important. But, there is something important on my mind. Something about a little arrangement we had…?"

Harmony lets out a sigh, rolling her eyes. "God, do you ever think of anything else?" She asks, shaking her head. "I don't understand… aren't I woman enough for you?" She sits on the desk, leaning over. "Or maybe it's not a woman you really want. I can play the boy again… you seemed to like it when I …"

"That's enough, Harmony." Avery cuts her off. "We had a deal, and you, my dear, aren't living up to your end of the bargain…"

"God!" Harmony launches herself off the desk, all the right places jiggling in all the right ways. "You're so obsessed with this… stick. What is the deal?"

"The deal, as you so quaintly put it, is the challenge…" He looks at her, smirking. "I know a challenge isn't much to you, or any of your generation… but this one…" He reaches in his drawer, and pulls out a photograph. It's identical to the portrait on Ira Rosenberg's mantel, "… this one is… something else entirely. She's so innocent… so pure…" He looks at Willow's face with some avarice.

"What? Queer-O Rosenberg? Pure? Gimme a break…"

"Not in that way, you…" Avery bites back his words. "In spirit. In her … goodness. I know that kind of goes over your head… but she's perfect. Exactly what I want…it's been so long since I've had someone I could … break… so nicely… so completely…"

Harmony makes a face.

"You simply don't understand. The pain… the tears… so sweet. When I take her, make her… do the things I want… when I see the horror and disgust and self hatred in her eyes… it's better than ambrosia…"

"Ambrosia? Is that that Japanese beer? Cuz, I tried that, and it's…"

God, how stupid can you be? And live?

"Never mind, I'm wasting my time trying to explain. Just, I'm growing impatient. I love a challenge. And I'm patient… to a point. But we had a deal…" Avery stands up, and before Harmony can move, he's on her. He grabs her hair.

"Stop it! You're hurting me!" Harmony whines as Avery pulls on her hair. "Please, don't hurt me!"

"Oh, stop whining. I wouldn’t touch you… not that way…" His finger runs down her arm. "I love the silky smoothness of your skin… and I'd never do anything to corrupt it…"

Harmony sighs in relief.

"However, Cordelia… now, that's a different story. Her skin is already criss crossed with scars. A few more…" He shrugs, surreptitiously scrutinizing her for a reaction.

Harmony looks at him sharply.

"You promised!"

Avery smiles, knowing he's hit a nerve.

"I promised… as long as you delivered. Well, I've been patient… but so far…" He shrugs,"… no delivery. And I'm getting impatient for my package…" His eyes narrows, and his smile fades. "Am I clear?"

"Look, it's been hard. It's not like we're friends or anything…"

"Excuses? Is that what I'm going to get? Because I seem to recall you making promises…"

"Can I finish, please?"

"May I"

"What?"

"May I finish. Please, try to speak proper English."

"May I finish, please?" Harmony repeats, impatiently.

"Please, do…"

"As I was saying, it's been hard. But I've finally convinced her, and all I have to do is call her…"

Avery holds out his cell phone.

"Now?"

Avery gives her a look.

"Ok, ok, geeze…" Harmony picks up the cell, and dials a number. She walks a little way off. Avery starts to follow, but she stops him with a look.

"Do you mind? I don't want her to accidentally hear you…"

Avery leans on his desk.

"Good… Oh, hello, Willow! Yes, it's me, Harmony…"

"I'm sorry, the number you've reached…" the voice on the cell says in Harmony's ear.

"…she's really in a bad way … yes, really bad…she needs you, Willow…"

"… is no longer in service at this time…"

" What? But, you've got to come! You promised!"

"… if you think you've reached this recording in error…"

"Yes, it's important. She's really hurting… god, don't you have a heart at all?"

Avery drums his fingers on the desk. He's not liking what he's hearing.

"… please, hang up…"

"Please, don't be that way. Do it for her… yes… thank you…"

Avery smiles.

"… and check the number, and dial again…"

"Yes, now. Can't you take a couple of minutes out from your stupid homework … ?"

Avery frowns.

"No, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. I'm just worried. She seems so lost… please, please…?"

"… Message 551719…"

"Thank you, yes… please, right away…please…"

Avery smiles again.

"Thank you, thank you so much Willow. I know… I owe you… yes, big time… yes…" Harmony pauses. "Ok, today? In an hour? Thanks…yes… goodbye…" She snaps the phone closed.

"There, happy?" She says with some petulance.

"Very, thank you. I had my doubts…" He says, coming to her. "But you seemed to have allayed them quite well…" He takes back his phone. He slips his arms around her waist. "So, what should we do while we're waiting for little Miss Rosenberg to show up?"

"I dunno…" She presses herself back into him. "I'm sure we could think of something…"

"I'm sure we could…" he presses himself forward into her soft ass. "Something nice…"

"But, don't you think we should have a drink?" She says, wiggling away. "To celebrate?"

She starts towards the wet bar in Avery's office.

"Harmony…"

Harmony stops, looking over her shoulder.

"Aren't you a bit young to be drinking?"

"Aren't I a bit young to be fucking?" She retorts.

Avery stares at her a minute, then laughs.

"Good point. Very good … very good… make mine a double…" he walks back over to his desk, and sits down, putting his feet up.

He can't see her very well from that position, but he really doesn't care. His mind is on other things. Things with red hair that will break sooo nicely… once he gets his chance.

He can't see her putting out the glasses, or pouring out the scotch.

He can't see her palm a little vial of clear, odorless liquid. Nor can he see her adding it to his drink. Nor can he see her tight little smile.

Harmony picks up the tumblers, and walking back to the desk, leans over and sets his before him. She clicks her glass against his, and smiles.

"Cheers. To everyone getting what they want." She smiles, sipping her drink and watching him.

"Indeed." He nods, taking a large swallow.

"You will let me watch, right?" She says, putting down her glass.

"Watch?"

"Yes… you promised you'd let me watch. I want to see that little cunt get exactly what she's got coming."

Avery smiles, taking another large swallow. "Dear, sweet and stupid Harmony. I have no plans on letting you watch anything…"

"What?"

"I have no plans on witnesses, my dear. This is an entirely private little game."

"But you promised!" Harmony flushes. "You promised I could watch her get what she's got coming to her!"

"Ahhh, but that's where your wrong. I never really promised that. You just assumed I did. And you know what assumptions do…"

Harmony stares at him furiously.

"Well, maybe you don't. But I wouldn't press it, my dear. Or…I might forget my other promises…" He smiles tightly. He takes another drink of his scotch, finishing it. " I think you should leave now…"

"But…"

"Harmony, leave!"

"This is so unfair! I did all the work and…"

"Life is often unfair…now, get lost. You're beginning to annoy me." Avery's tone becomes harsh.

"Fine… just fine!" Harmony walks to the chair, and grabbing her robe, slips it on. "See if I ever do you a favor again!"

"Oh… I think you will.. I think you will…" He smiles. He waves his hand at her. "Bye, bye now."

Harmony turns, and secretly smiles as she head for the study doors.

Bye, bye, Avery!

She lets herself out.


* * *

"Cordy?"

Harmony stands outside of Cordelia's bedroom, trying to get her to open the door. She's pretty worried about her.

It's later now, late evening, and the fanfare over Avery Chase's death has slowed down, though there were still reporters and police downstairs.

Thank god I came back and 'cleaned up', Harmony thinks to herself. Or, I could be so …

She lets out a breath, not wanting to go there. Not right now. Cordelia needed her right now.

"Cor, c'mon, open up!" Harmony knocks louder.

She hears something go crash, then something else. She begins to knock insistently.

"CORDELIA! Are you OK? Did you hurt yourself?" Harmony pounds on the door.

"God, Harm. Just go away, Ok? I'm fine; I've been telling you that all night. Just GO!"

Things had certainly not worked out as Harmony expected. Looking at the door, she wondered exactly what she had expected. All the excitement certainly hadn't been an element, but on reflection, she had to admit, it probably was to be expected.

What wasn't expected was Cordelia's initial reaction. After returning to 'clean up', and then meeting Cordelia at school, they'd returned to the mansion, where Harmony maneuvered things so she would 'find' Avery first.

Harmony braced for the explosion which never came. Not then. She turned to see Cordelia framed in the doorway, standing very still. Almost looking like a statue. She stared at her father's body, and for a moment, Harmony saw something pass through her. Then she looked at Harmony, with the strangest look. Harmony almost chilled to the bone. Cordelia walked over, and looking down at Avery, picked up the phone, dialing 911.

After that, she was like a rock in a storm, handling the maelstrom as it descended. Never blinking, never indicating anything was effecting her. But Harmony knew it was effecting her. It had to effect her, didn't it?

Later, when the Chief of Police arrived, and took over the questions by the press, Cordelia slipped away.

And now, it was later still, and Harmony had only been able to break away. And hearing the crashing and eerie silence otherwise, she was getting more than a little scared.

Did I do the right thing? Maybe I …no, it had to be done. It couldn't go on like this. Something had to give, and it had to be that monster…not Cordelia… not my sweet Cor…

"Baby, it's me. Harm. I just want to see you. Make sure you're ok…" Harmony starts knocking on the door again, amid sounds of things breaking.

It goes quiet, too quiet. Harmony feels a chill… afraid that Cordelia might hurt herself. She starts pounding on the door, desperate now to get inside, to get to Cordelia.

"Goddamn you," Cordelia flings open the door.

Harmony stands there, shocked. Cordelia is a mess. Her hair is wild, her mascara is running like rivers down her face. Her whole face is red, splotchy and puffy. Her clothing is in disarray, and she doesn't even seem to care, or notice.

"Can't you just go away? IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FROM YOU????" Cordelia screams at her. "GO THE FUCK AWAY! I DON'T WANT YOU! I HATE YOU! GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT!"

"Cor, honey…"

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!???" Cordelia starts pushing her. "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT FROM ME???" She pushes her more, pushing her down the hall. "Is that IT? You WANNA fuck ME? You DO, don't YOU? You LOVE ME, Don't you HARMONY? AREN'T I BEAUTIFUL? DON'T YOU WANT ME?"

"Cordy, you're scaring me!"

"DON'T CALL ME THAT, BITCH!" Cordelia slaps her, hard. She shoves Harmony against the wall, and starts ripping at her clothes. "C'MON, baby. Get em off , so we can get it on. What's WRONG? Don't YOU want ME?" She starts rubbing up against Harmony.

"D-Don't…d-don't… p-please, b-baby," Harmony stutters, ,more scared than she's ever been scared before. "P-P-Pleaaasseee…"

"Puh Puh Please! Puh Puh Please!" Cordelia mocks her. " WHAT? You don't think I'M SEXY?" She rips at her own clothing. "MAYBE I'm NOT FUCKING SEXY ENOUGH FOR YOU NO MORE!" She grabs Harmony, and drags her into her room.

The room is beyond destroyed. Everything is everywhere, torn and destroyed. Clothing is all over, some ripped, some just thrown. The mirrors are smashed, along with various bottles of perfume and makeup, creating toxic looking puddles on the floor.

Cordelia drags her to the bed, throwing her down on it. She jumps on Harmony, pinning her down.

"So, what the fuck, Harm, "Cordelia's voice has gone quiet. Spooky, run for your life, quiet. "What's wrong, baby? Don't like the décor? Don't worry, we can buy more, lots more… c'mon, baby, lets FUCK!" Cordelia starts rubbing herself against Harmony's tummy. "Don't you like it? Aint IT GREAT?" She rips off the remains of her top. "How bout these? You love my tits! I know you do! Go on, go on suck 'em!"

"Stop it! Stop it, stop it, stop IT!" Harmony moans, slapping at her to keep her away.

"Aw, what? Tired of the me already? Well, FUCK ME! I FORGOT! Gotta pay you for your services, don't I?" She leans over, her face almost on top of Harmony's. "Tell me what you want, baby. Jewels? Clothes? Maybe a new car? That it? That makes you hot? Is that what you want? WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT? I'LL GET IT!!! JUST TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK YOU WANT FROM ME!!!"

"I DON'T WANT ANYTHING!" Harmony yells, scared out her mind. She uses all her strength, and pushes Cordelia off her. She scrambles off the bed, trying to get away. Run away and run far and never ever come back again.

But she doesn't make it, because Cordelia is coming from a crazy place, and is faster. She blocks the door.

"Then what do you want? What is it? Tell me!" She grabs Harmony, forcing her back on the bed. She lies on her, not letting her up. "isn't that how it works? You get what you want, and I get… what? FUCKED? Isn't that it? ISN'T THAT WHAT WE'RE ABOUT????"

"NOOO! NOOOO!" Harmony screams, going a little crazy herself. "I LOVE YOU! I WANT TO HELP YOU! I WANT TO MAKE IT BETTER!"

"Nooooo… NOOOOO!" Cordelia suddenly looks frightened. She gets off Harmony, stumbling backwards, away from her. "Nooo… She said that! Willow! She said you love me, and … no one loves me! NO ONE! YOU HEAR ME! NO ONE COULD LOVE ME! I'M EVIL! I'M EVIL!" She sinks down to her knees, and leans against the wall, hugging herself. "No one can love me, I'm bad, I'm evil , I'm bad! Don't you get it!"

Harmony, scared, but also wanting, needing to help her, hold her, gets off the bed. She goes over towards her, but Cordelia backs off, scrambling against the wall, trying to cover herself.

"No, don't please, I'm sorry. Go, go on I won't… I'm sorry, don't please don't love me … don't LOVE me!"

"Cordelia, baby, shhh…" Harmony slows down, but she slowly moves closer. "Don't be silly. Of course you're not evil. You deserve to be loved…"

"NO! I deserve NOTHING! NOTHING!" She covers herself. "I deserve nothing." She says, quietly, hugging herself.

"Baby…"

"No, I'm evil. I'm evil, Harmony. Evil…"

"Baby. Don't do this. Don't. You're not evil, " Harmony says softly, moving closer.

"I am, I am. I know I am. I've got to be evil!"

"Baby…" Harmony closes on her, putting her arms around her.

Cordelia struggles to get away, but not too hard. Harmony, stronger than she looks, holds her close.

"Don't, let me hold you. Just let me hold you," Harmony says softly, soothingly.

"But I'm evil… I don't deserve this… I don't…" She looks at Harmony, her eyes frightened, lost.

"Baby, why? Why do you think you're evil?"

"I am, don't you see? I have to be evil. I have to be…." She looks at Harmony. "You'll hate me, I know you will, but …I'm glad… "

"Glad?"

Cordelia ducks down, trying to hide herself even more. But there's no where else to go.

"Glad. GLAD! He's… he's dead, and I'm glad! I'm glad he's dead! I'M GLAD HE'S DEAD!"

Harmony's heart breaks, and she pulls Cordelia close, rubbing her and comforting her.

"Shhhh… Shhhh…"

"I'm evil, don't you see? He's my daddy, and I'm glad he's dead! I'm evil…" She sobs miserably.

"It's ok, it's ok now, baby," Harmony holds her close. So close.

"I'm evil… I'm evil…" Cordelia looks down at her hands, then up at Harmony.

"What's wrong with me?"


6


"Where's mom?"

Buffy emerges from the hotel bathroom, drying her hair with a towel. Another is wrapped around her body. She walks over to one of the beds in the room, and plops down.

"She went out," Dawn says shortly, staring at her sister. Her expression is anything but pleasant.

"Yeah, figured that… not seeing her here," Buffy replies. "I kinda asked where she went."

"Are you done in there?" Dawn, changing the subject, stands up and walks to the bureau. She opens the drawer, and pulls out some underwear. "Been in there forever," She grumbles under her breath.

"For now…" Buffy looks at her sister, hearing her grumbling. "Something wrong, squirt?"

Dawn looks at her sister, and you can just see her biting her tongue to hold back a comment. Instead, she starts towards the bathroom.

"No, nothing," She says quietly as she passes by.

"Whoa up, sis," Buffy grabs her robe, causing her to stop. "What's bugging you?"

"Let go of my robe, Buffy," Dawn says, her voice cold.

"No, you're all cranky this morning," Buffy says, standing up and going in front of Dawn. "You've been in a mood since you got up. So, what is it?" She looks concerned.

Dawn stares at her a moment, wanting to mash her face with her fist. Instead, she just balls them up at her side.

"Just get out of my way, Buffy," Dawn says, each word measured. "I want to take a shower now."

"Look. I know it's been hard, all squeezed together like this. I get it. But it's almost over. You heard mom. They're just about done with the place, and we can go back home tomorrow…"

"Yes, we get to go home. We do," Dawn stares at her. "Everything is just back to normal, right? Except… oh yeah, Faith! What about her? Does she get to come home, too? Oh, that's right… that's a big NO!"

"Hey, wait a minute!" Buffy protests, "that's not my fault! I tried to tell the police they had it wrong. I told anyone who would listen to me. I talked til I was turning blue, and no one listened to me! What am I supposed to do?"

Dawn eyes just scan over her, and she lets out a breath. She pushes past Buffy, shoving her back a little.

"You did your best. Right. Got it," She says, just before she disappears through the bathroom door.

Buffy tries to follow her in, but Dawn slams the door in her face, and she hears the door lock click.

"I did… I really DID!" She calls through the door. "Dawnie, please. It's not over yet. I'm going back, I'm not gonna let this happen…" She pounds on the door. "C'mon, Dawn, talk to me, please?"

There's no answer from the bathroom. She hears the shower come on, and giving up, she walks back to a bed, flopping down on her back and staring up at the ceiling.

What does she want? I don't get her! I didn't mean for this to happen, but she's acting like I set it all up. Is that what she thinks? I did this on purpose? I killed dad on purpose? Just so I could fuck UP EVERYONE'S LIFE!!!!????

TBC.