She Don't Know

'Come back to me.'

Buffy's eyes shot open and immediately slammed shut when blinding pain encompassed her body.

She groaned and cried out as hot tears flowed down her cheeks.

Spike's head shot up at her cries and he grabbed her hand.

"Buffy? Are you awake? Oh, God! Please be awake."

She weakly squeezed his hand and Spike nearly collapsed with joy.

"Thank you God! Oh, thank you so much."

He pushed the emergency alert button and wiped the tears from her face.

"Sweet Love, can you open your eyes?"

She blinked a couple of times trying to see him more clearly.

"Spike?"

He let out a sob at the sound of her scratchy voice.

"Yeah?"

Her eyes widened and she shot up in the bed, looking wildy around the room.

"The baby! Oh, God! Is he okay? Spike where is he?"

He lowered her back down to the bed and took her hands in his again. He gave her a smile full of pride.

"He's fine, love. He's in the nursery, they just fed him."

A look of sadness passed over her face.

"How long was I gone?"

"Six days, fifteen hours and-" He looked at his watch, "twenty nine minutes."

"I missed everything."

New tears began to form and Spike wiped them away once again.

"Love, you couldn't help it. I'm just so thankful you came back to me, I couldn't have done it without you."She She cupped his cheek and he leaned down to capture her lips.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

The nurse walked into the room then and turned to go find the doctor, giving them a few more minutes of privacy.

~~~

The doctor had came and checked Buffy over, telling them the steps they needed take to keep her blood pressure down and told them she could be released in a few days if nothing happened.

The nurse had been sent to get the baby and Buffy clung to Spike as the nurse rolled his little cart into the room.

She sucked in a breath at the sight of her son.

He was beautiful.

Soft dark hair covered his head and eyes as blue as the sea blinked up at her.

She picked him up and brought him to her, crying tears of joy.

"He's perfect, love."

She looked up at Spike and gave a little giggle, awed by the sight of her beautiful boys.

She brought Spike to her for another kiss and pulled him up to sit beside her.

"Did you name him?"

"No. I wanted you to help me."

Buffy nodded her head and cuddled the baby closer to her.

"I have one, it's been in my mind for a while. I've been meaning to talk to you about it, but he came early."

Spike smiled and stroked the baby's soft hair.

"He must have got that from me. Never had much patience."

"I know." Buffy snorted.

"Well, tell me now. Gotta call him something."

"William Sawyer."

Spike looked at her, blinking away tears of his own.

"That was mum's maiden name."

She softly smiled at him and returned the favor of wiping his tears away.

"I know."

"William Sawyer Giles. It's perfect, just like him."

~~~~~~~


The nurse had came in and helped Buffy breast feed William. He had happily latched on and the nurse was astonished at how easily it happened, especially since he had been on formula.

Spike had sat on the bed behind her, amazed at his small family.

He loved them both so much.

Buffy had touched his heart when she named their child after his mother.

William had been fed, as well as Buffy and Spike, so they were just relaxing the the door burst in.

Giles sped through the door with Jenny hot on his heels.

"Do you not know how to pick up a phone, William?" Giles bit out angrily.

They had come to relieve Spike of his vigil over Buffy's bedside so he could get a shower, but had stopped by the nursery first. Imagine their surprise when they were informed the baby was being fed by his mother tonight.

Spike closed his eyes and cursed himself.

How could he forget to call?

He had been so happy and relieved when she awoke that he didn't think of anything.

"Dad, God! I'm so sorry. I just- when she woke up, I couldn't think of anything else. I'm so sorry."

Giles' anger melted, and he softly nodded his head, following Jenny to Buffy's bedside.

Jenny grabbed her and held her tight, sobbing her relief into Buffy's shoulder.

"Thank God, I'm so happy you're awake, baby girl! I was so worried!"

She pulled back and gave Buffy a kiss, then moved away to let an anxious Giles grab onto her.

"Oh, Buffy. I'm so relieved, I don't know what we would have done without you."

Giles squeezed her before letting her go.

Spike brought in another chair for Giles to sit in, while Jenny sat in the recliner.

Buffy inclined the bed into a higher position so she could sit up and Spike moved in beside her.

She traded arms, so that baby Will was facing his grandparents.

Sleepy blue eyes opened and a tiny yawn escaped his mouth. Jenny and Giles were both beaming with pride when Buffy handed him over.

Jenny moved over and let Giles slide in beside her on the roomy seat as they stared at the baby.

"It's amazing, He's like a spitting image of William." Giles said.

Buffy looked back at Spike who gave her a wink.

"Actually, he is William."

"You named him already?" Jenny asked.

"Yeah, his name is William Sawyer Giles."

Giles' head shot up to look at them with teary eyes.

His lip trembled and he nodded his head, a few tears escaping.

"It's beautiful."

Buffy and Spike shared a proud smile.

"Thank you."

~~~~~~~~~~

Spike pulled the Desoto to a stop and looked in the back seat at Buffy.

"Don't move."

He pushed the door open and ran around to her side of the car, jerking the door open and helping her out.

He pulled her to him and gave her a sweet kiss before reaching in for the car seat. He brought the car seat out and pulled the visor down to keep the sun off Will-Sawyer.

Buffy reached fo but but Spike evaded her.

"Spike."

"Baby, you heard the doctor. No stress or strenuous activites."

She put her hands on her hips and glared at her husband.

"I don't think carrying my son into the house is too strenuous, Spike."

He walked closer to her and pulled her to him, letting out a sigh.

"I know, sweet love. I just- I don't want to take any chances alright?"

She looked up at him, reading the fear in his eyes.

"I know. I'm sorry."

He placed a kiss on top of her head and walked her into the house.

~~~

Buffy rolled over, sitting up when she heard Will's soft cry. Before she could get out of bed, Spike was already at the basinet bringing him to her.

"I could have got him."

He sat down on the bed and handed her the baby to feed.

"I know, pet. Just wanted you to rest."

She sighed and looked at him.

"Spike, It's been two months. My blood pressure is normal and everything is fine. Nothing is gonna happen. You have to let me do stuff on my own."

He ran his fingers through his hair, standing up from the bed.

"I'm sorry! Excuse me for worrying about you, for not wanting anything to happen to you!"

"Spike, calm down. You know it's true."

He sat on the bed and picked up the hand that wasn't holding the baby.

"It is. I'm sorry, I just worry. I'm so scared."

She squeezed his hand and gave him a reassuring smile.

"I know, baby. But everything is gonna be alright, you hear?"

He nodded and layed down beside her, resting his head on her thigh.

"I love you."

She ran her fingers through his hair.

"I love you too."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spike stood in the kitchen humming as he mixed Will-Sawyer's formula.

Buffy watched him from the doorway, knowing that he was a million miles away. She softly stalked over behind him and grabbed his hips.

"What are you doing?"

Spike jumped at least a foot in the air and let out an unmanly screech. He whirled around panting, his eyes as wide as saucers.

Buffy tried to hide her smile and keep up her innocent facade. She wrapped her arms around him, burying her face in his chest to hide her guilty and victorious smile.

He pulled her away from him and she was caught.

"No you don't, you little minx. You knew just exactly what you were doing."

Buffy dropped her head, letting a small pout form on her lips. She looked up at him and batted her eyelashes twice, knowing it was his weakness. She ran her hands up his arms, letting them settle on hisuldeulders where she began to softly caress them.

"Are you saying that I willingly scared you? My husband, my love?" She batted her eyelashes again.

Spike had been caught in her web, but he would be damned before letting her know it. He looked at her straight on, praying that his own facade was convincing.

"Yes Buffy, that's exactly what I'm saying."

She let her arms flop back to her sides and a genuine pout appeared on her face.

"Yeah, well. You suck."

Spike smiled and pulled her to him, clutching her even tighter when she half-heartedly struggled. He nuzzled her neck before moving to her ear.

"Not half as good as you, my love." He purred.

Buffy melted in his arms and he picked her up, sitting her on the countertop.

They kissed with passion that had been put away since the baby was born.

He kissed her letting his hands roam across her body. He softly massaged her breasts, making sure not to squeeze to much.

He let his hand drift under her shirt, running it softly up her stomach.

But when he reached scars, he jerked away like he was scalded.

His hand was still under her shirt when he jerked back, so he pulled her along with him. She grabbed onto his shoulders and barely managed to catch herself before she fell face first onto the floor.

"What is wrong with you?!"

Spike grabbed onto her and steadied her, but kept his distance.

She looked up at his face and her anger intesified and lessened at the same time.

His body was rigid, his eyes and teeth were clenched tight, and he was nearly shaking with need.

"Spike. Spike!"

His eyes opened to look at her.

"What in God's name is wrong with you?"

"We can't."

She jumped down from the counter and jerked away from him.

"Why?"

"Because you're not rea-"

"This has got to stop!"

He looked up, stunned by her outburst.

"You are driving me crazy. Spike, I'm fine. There is nothing going to happen, alright?"

"Oh, fine are you? So fine that you have to take bloody pills, huh?"

He was telling the truth. When Buffy's blood pressure started rising, she had to quit breast feeding Will and start taking blood pressure medicine.

"Spike, I'm alright. I'm even thinking about not taking them anymore."

He was in front of her gripping her arms in a second.

"You better take every bloody pill prescribed to you, do you understand?!"

The look in his eye was deadly, but she wasn't afraid.

She was hurt.

"Do you?!"

"Yes, Spike."

She jerked her arms away from him, grabbed Will-Sawyer's formula and shoved her way past him.

She barely got out of the kitchen before the tears fell.

~~~~~~~

Blue eyes stared up at her, almost questioning as Will sucked on his bottle.

She smiled and hugged him to her.

"Momma's sweet boy." She said, placing a kiss on his forehead.

He finished his bottle and she pulled it away, giggling when he followed it, still sucking.

She sat the bottle down and layed him over her shoulder, patting and rubbing his back until he burped.

She cradled him in her arms and looked down at her beautiful boy.

It amazed her how he looked just like his father.

She had seen pictures of Spike when he was born and it was just as Giles said in the hospital, he was a spitting image.

He hardly looked like her at all. But every now and then he would do something, and she could see herself in him.

She softly ran her fingers through his dark hair, playing with the soft beginnings of a curl. He was going to have curly hair. She wondered if he would have to wear glasses and hoped eyesight would be something he got from her.

She smiled as his tiny fist clutched at her breast. She wished that she could still breast feed him, it was so much healthier.

But she had to take the medicine.

That thought brought a frown to her face and the argument in the kitchen back to the surface.

She tried not to be angry or upset in front of Will, because it made him cranky too. Almost as if he knew his mother was in pain.

She understood what Spike was doing.

Really she did.

But it drove her insane.

He put her on a pedestel, she wasn't allowed to do anything and she hardly went anywhere. He was just trying to protect her and keep her safe, but he was smothering her as well. It had been nearly six months. She was fine, her blood pressure was normal and only the barely there scars remained on her stomach.

But they would always be there.

He hadn't wanted to make love at all, he hardly even held her.

Not because he didn't want to, but because he was afrai.
.

She stood up and placed the sleeping baby in his crib. He snuggled down and she draped a soft blanket across him. She folded her arms across the side of the bed and layed her head against them.

How much more could she take?

~~~~~~~

Spike stood in the doorway and watched them. His family.

His life.

What would he do without them?

What would he do if every morning he didn't wake up beside Buffy, with Will-Sawyer across the hall?

He shook his head to clear that thought. He didn't even want to think about it.

He had hurt her. He saw it in her eyes.

He knew he was overreacting, but it's better safe than sorry, right?

She thought it was killing her? She had no idea.

He ached for her. Burned.

But the minute he got too close, he would curse himself for being stupid.

What if he hurt her? What if he pushed her to hard and her blood pressure hit the roof?

It would kill him. Or he would kill himself.

Because he would rather die than hurt her.

What he didn't realize was that he already had.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spike sat at his desk, grading papers.

He looked over at the clock and then back down at his work.

It was past ten and Buffy still hadn't come in from next door. After Will-Sawyer had woken up from his nap, Buffy had taken him over to his dad's.

That was at four o'clock this afternoon.

He looked at the window and then tried to concentrate on grading the paper in front of him. After checking the same question three times, he threw the pen down and scrubbed his face with his hands.

They should be home by now.

He got up and found his shoes, slipping them on. He closed the door behind him and jogged across the yard, not even bothering to knock before bursting in.

What he saw had him stopping in his tracks.

Buffy was sitting on the couch between Giles and Jenny, sobbing.

"What- what's going on?"

Buffy jumped up and wiped at her eyes.

"Nothing. Let me get Will and we'll go."

She walked down the hallway towards Giles and Jenny's room.

"What is going on here?"

Giles stood up and came over to him, patting him on the back.

"It's nothing, son. We were just talking."

"About what?"

"Nothing important."

Spike turned hard eyes to look at his father.

"I think it's something important if it makes my wife cry."

"Then you should already know about it, shouldn't you?"

Giles gave Spike a look just as deadly as the one he was recieving.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean tha-"

"We're ready."

Buffy walked in with Will's car seat and diaper bag.

Spike gave his father one last hard glare before going and getting the stuff Buffy was carrying.

"Here, I got it, love."

She stood her ground and held onto the bag and carrier even tighter.

"I can handle it."

Spike wasn't about to jerk the car seat away from her, since it held his sleeping son. He gave her a look and tried to pull her fingers away.

"Buffy, I mean it." He could see her eyes water and knew she was geting upset. "Buffy, come on, you're getting upset. Just give me the stuff so we can go."

She let a t a humourless laugh as the tears began to flow and made sure he was holding onto the carrier before releasing it.

"You wonder why I'm getting upset."

She let out another laugh that was followed by a sob. She walked past him and out the door, not even stopping to say goodbye.

Spike turned and started to follow her out the door.

"Buf-"

He was stopped by a firm hand on his shoulder. He turned around to face his father.

"This has got to stop, now. I've stood by and I've watched this happen for months and I haven't said anything because I can understand to an extent. But this has gone too far. You've got to give her space and trust her, William. She's not going to let anything that's within her control happen to herself. She's got to much to live for. "

Spike dropped his head, he knew his father was right.

But the fear was still there.

Giles cupped his cheek and brought his face up to look in his eyes.

"Trust her, son. You're pushing her away. Have faith in her, she's never let you down before."

Spike looked into his father's eyes and gave a small grin that was full of pride.

"No she hasn't."

Giles smiled and patted his cheek.

"That's right. Now go home and tell your beautiful wife what a fool you've been."

He smiled at his father and let them give kisses to himself and Will-Sawyer before bolting out the door.

Well, bolting as much as he could without waking the baby.

~~~~~~~

He Took Will into his room and changed him before laying him down for the night.

Turning on the baby moniter, he checked him one last time before turning off the lights and softly closing the door.

He walked to his bedroom door and could hear her crying on the other side. He opened the door and walked inside, and he couldn't help but smile when she rolled over and crossed her arms, facing away from him.

He undressed and then crawled in behind her, nuzzeling at her arm with his nose. She jerked her arm away and he pulled his head back just before it got smacked.

"Leave me alone."

He reached out to touh her again.

"Baby doll, come here."

She was off the bed so fast that he fell over onto his stomach, his arm still out stretched to touch her.

"Oh, I don't think so. Don't you dare come in here like this after you humiliated me!"

He sighed and looked down at the bed.

"I'm sorry."

She started pacing up and down the side of the bed, working herself up.

"You think that's gonna make it better? Well, you're wrong, buddy!"

He knew her blood pressure was rising. Her face was red and she was beginning to sweat.

"Buffy, calm down."

She stopped to look at him, knowing he was right. It felt like the room was a furnace and she was out of breath. She nodded and ran a hand across her forehead, sitting down on the bed.

He stacked her pillows up and pulled her back onto them, throwing the covers to the end of the bed. He pulled her nightgown over her head and grabbed a magazine off the table to fan her with.

She layed back against the pillows with her hand thrown over her eyes, trying to get her breathing under control. Spike fanned her and kicked himself for being such an idiot.

"I'm so sorry." He whispered.

She took her hand away and looked at his face, her anger melting.

"I've been trying so hard to help you that I wound up hurting you."

She gave him a smile.

"Spike, you've got to trust me. I'm not going to let anything happen to myself."

He smiled thinking of his father's exact advice.

"What's that smile for, sweet boy?"

"Dad. He said the exact same thing."

"He's a smart guy." She smiled.

He nodded his head and kept fanning her.

"I'll try. I'll try to be better, but I won't stop worrying."

"I know, Spike. And you shouldn't, but you can't let it rule our lives. People live with this everyday, I'm going to be fine."

She gave him a reassuring smile.

"I know, love. But I am going to put my foot down about one thing. You can't stop taking your medicine."

"I know. I was just saying that, trying to get you to see that I'm fine. You can stop now, I feel better."

He dropped his arm and let out a breath.

"Thanks, love. Was beginning to get sore."

She brought his face to hers for a kiss.

"Thank you, honey."

He responded with a kiss that took her breath away all over again.

He draped himself across her, using his hands to keep his weight off her. She let her hands travel down his back to squeeze his rear.

He thrust against her and pulled himself away with a groan.

"What? What is it this time?" She tried to pull him back down to her.

He sat up and she flopped back against the pillows, kicking her legs and groaning.

"Buffy, we can't. Not after you had that spell."

"Spike, I'm fine! How many times do I have to ing ing tell you that?!"

He looked back at her red face, grabbed the magazine and silently began to fan her again.

"Buffy, please just do this for me."

"Spike, I want you. I need you. Please."

"Not tonight. I want you to go to the doctor tommorrow-"

"What?!"

"Just listen," She let out a disgusted sigh and turned her face away. "Buffy, listen to me."

She finally turned toward him and he caressed her cheek.

"Go to the doctor and talk to him. Make sure it's alright."

"Spike! It's fine, it's alright! Most women are having sex seven WEEKS after birth."

"You're not most women, Buffy."

She flopped back against the pillows and gave a huge sigh.

"You're set in stone about this aren't you?"

He gave her a smile.

"Yes."

She covered her face with her hands and rolled over, jerking the covers up around her.

"The things I do for you."

He cuddled up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Yeah, but you love me."

"I know. God help me." She muttered under her breath.

"I heard that."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: Thank you guys so much for the reviews!! And a special thanks to txjmfan for nominating me at The Lovebite Awards!! Thank you so much!!