Breathless

It had started off as a bad hair day and went down hill from there. To start things off, there had been the early morning phone call to her mother to inform them that the case would be going to trial. Joyce had not been happy…to say the least.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Earlier that morning…

“What do you mean he changed his plea?” Her mother had asked, her voice bordering on shrill. “Just who the hell does Riley think he is? Huh?! He hurt my babies…Hell, he almost killed you!”

“Mom…Mom?” Buffy repeatedly interjected, unable to break through her mother’s rant. “Mother!” She finally yelled into the phone.

After a brief second, Joyce stopped and apologized to her daughter. “Oh…Buffy, sweetheart, I’m sorry. It just infuriates me that someone can hurt you and might get away with it.”

“It’ll be ok. I hope. Um…they will need Dawn here to testify, though.” Buffy added, chewing nervously on her thumbnail. Last time her little sister had visited, all hell had broken loose. Not to mention that her parents had adamantly refused to allow Dawn to remain with Buffy until the whole situation was straightened out. “Do you think she will be able to be here? Will it totally mess up her school schedule?”

“She’ll be there, baby. Don’t you worry.” Joyce promised her eldest daughter, fear and panic already beginning to twist deep in her stomach at the very thought of her children being in the presence of Riley again. “We’ll work around her classes; she may have to take a semester off or something. If her testifying means that there is more of chance that Riley get’s punished, then she will be there.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

“Now…tell me about something else in your life that is actually going well.” Joyce asked, trying to get away from the unpleasantness of the upcoming trial or the previous events related to it.

“Hmm…something good? Well, there hasn’t been anything going on around here. I’ve been all avoid-o Buffy; staying at the house and what not.” Buffy worried her lip, not knowing if she should tell her mother about the budding relationship between her and Spike. Taking a deep breath, she decided to go for it, hoping that having something in her life that made her happy would be enough for her family. “There is…um…one thing that has been going good; you know, be one with the smiles and stuff.”

“Really, sweetheart? What? Tell me all about it; I hate thinking that you are unhappy.”
The brightness in her mother’s voice made Buffy think that everything would be all right; that all she would want was for her daughter to be happy.

“I…um…have started…seeing someone.” Buffy squeaked out, amazed at the uncertainty in her voice. When her mother didn’t respond, she tried again thinking that maybe she didn’t hear her. “Did you hear me? I started dating again.”

“Buffy.”

The one word response made Buffy realize that she had made a huge mistake. She desperately wished that she could press rewind on some magical device and make it all go away. There was a long pause, the silence bordering on painful. Buffy’s mouth dried up and she all of the sudden had the memory of when Joyce had caught her sneaking through her bedroom window after sneaking out to see Angel.

“What do you mean you are dating someone?” Joyce said slowly, trying to comprehend why her daughter who had been beaten unconscious just a few short months ago by her fiancé would want to jump right into dating again. “Who?”

“Um…do you remember the guy that Angel hired for protection? Spike?” She paused, waiting for her mother to acknowledge her; which was nothing more than a barely audible sigh. “Well, it just happened recently. It hasn’t been going on the whole time of my recovery. He’s really good to me; makes me happier than I have been in a long time.”

“Baby, I just don’t think you should be rushing into anything serious. You just got away from Riley; do you really think going straight to Spike is such a good idea? Don’t get me wrong, I like Spike. I think the whole story of you two meeting and finding one another again is very romantic. I just don’t believe that this is something you need right now.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way, Mom; but I think this is what I need. He helps me forget, takes away the pain. I think this is what I have needed all along.” Buffy said with conviction in her voice. Blinking rapidly, she tried to halt the tears that had already begun to sting her eyes; she hated when her mother was disappointed in her.

“Fine…just be smart; don’t let it get out of hand. With the trial coming up, you need to focus on yourself and making sure that Riley gets what he deserves. The media will eat you alive if you show any ounce of weakness and that could very well tip the scales in his favor. Don’t let Spike be your weakness, Buffy.” Joyce informed her daughter, hating that she had to play the bad guy. Secretly, she wanted Buffy to be happy and honestly thought that Spike was the one person who could give her that.

“Yes ma’am.” Buffy replied, quietly.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~
They had ended the phone conversation with tense goodbyes and tear filled voices. Now Buffy sat on the edge of the bed, tears silently sliding down her flushed cheeks. Lost in her own despair, Buffy never noticed Spike emerge from the bathroom and cross the room to sit beside her; until he wrapped her in his strong arms and held her until her tears dried.

Finally, she pulled away from him and quickly ran her hands over her face, trying to wipe away the salty tears. “Thank you. I needed that hug.”

“Anytime, anyplace, pet. So, you ready to fill me in on what’s made you so sad?” Spike asked lightly as he brushed a wayward strand of hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear.

“I told my mom about us. Needless to say, she wasn’t overly thrilled with the idea.” Buffy said, grimly. Before continuing her story, she crawled up the bed and pulled the covers over her; deciding that so far the day sucked and maybe going back to sleep would make it better. Glancing up, she saw the flicker of pain in Spike’s eyes and felt bad for telling him how her mother felt. “Grr…I didn’t mean for it to sound that bad. I think she would be happier if everything else around me wasn’t going all wonky.”

“No worries, luv. Your mother is just worried about you.” Spike replied, scooting himself over so that he could take her into his arms again. He smiled when she snuggled closer; resting her head on his chest.

“Grr…just forget about her for right now. I figure once all the Riley drama calms down that she will come around.” Buffy pressed a feather light kiss to the soft patch of skin between his shoulder and chest. “Now what I want to talk about?”

“Anything you want, kitten.” Spike returned the gesture by kissing her on the forehead.

“You.” She said. “I want to know all about you. When did you come to LA? How did you meet Angel? And all of the other juicy details of Spike!”

“Aww…come on, you don’t wanna know all the boring details of my pathetic existence. Isn’t there anything else you wanna know, kitten?” Spike was desperate, if there was one thing he hated most of all…it was talking about his past.

“Hmm…ok. There is something else, but it still revolves around you!” Buffy tilted her head upwards so that she could stare at Spike. For added emphasis, she poked him lightly in the ribs before saying, “Tell me about the past loves of one William Worthington!”

Spike groaned. Of all the topics he did not want to approach, it would definitely be his “love” life; or lack there of. “Fine, pet. Just so you know, I was a bleeding ponce when I was younger and not so talented with the ladies. There was a slight crush or obsession if you listened to her, which I had when I was about eighteen. Her name was Cecily and to me, she was the most beautiful bird I had ever laid my eyes on. After a whole lot of wasted time, making a complete wanker out of myself, she finally informed me that there was no bleeding way that I would ever be with her.” He paused, letting the hurt that always accompanied the memory of Cecily wash over him. “Yep, that one stung a bit. Imagine being told ‘you are beneath me’. Not a fine moment in my life, generally try to avoid it all together.

Anyways, after that fiasco, I moved to the States and set about changing every poncy thing about me; the hair, the clothes, the incessant reciting of bloody poetry. Once that was taken care of, I met Drusilla.”

Buffy couldn’t help but giggle at the name, Drusilla, it was so weird. “You dated a girl named Drusilla, did her parents hate her or something? What a name!”

“Right, pet. Like Buffy is such a normal everyday type of name for a child?” Spike retorted, his comment coming out more jokingly instead harsh. Her response was even more childish, he was met with the tip of her little pink tongue sticking out of her pretty mouth. “Cute. Real cute, kitten.” He replied, dipping his head to capture her perfect bottom lip in quick kiss.

“So, what happened between you and Drusilla?” Buffy snuggled back against his chest, absently running the palm of her hand over the ripples of his abdomen.

“The right question would be what didn’t happen between me and Dru. Talk about a rollercoaster ride; up and happy one moment, then her mood would take a nosedive and there would be misery for a bit. You see, my Dru wasn’t all there in the mind. Got worse as the years went on; mostly lucid, but then she’d dance around the living room talking to her bloody doll.”

“Years?”

“Yep, years. Let’s see, we broke up last fall…so that would’ve been about ten years…no, eleven years. We met shortly after I met Angel which was when I was nineteen, so yeah…she and I got together right before my twentieth birthday.”

“Huh. Well, what went wrong? Why did you guys break up?”

“Well, the years of crazy talk was a good bit of it. Although, the morning she left was after I met you. I mean really met you, at Caritas. Packed her bags and left…going on and on about me being infected with sunshine; everything was too bright. Whatever the hell that meant?!”

“Oh!” Buffy said, surprised. “So, where is she now?”

“Last I heard? Her parents finally had her committed back in England, some cozy sanitarium where they can keep tabs on her, injecting her with this and that to make her stop chatting with the bleeding pixies in her mind.” Spike stopped, talking about Dru still hurt; made his head swim with thoughts that if he had been better to her, then she would be all right. Even though, deep down inside he knew that there was nothing he could have done. He took a deep, calming breath before un-wrapping his arms from around Buffy and easing to the side of the bed. “Well, that’s all there is to know about my impressive love life, ducks. Not very pleasant, is it?” He stood up and turned back to the beautiful creature engulfed beneath the blankets. “So, how’s about some lunch? I’m feeling a bit peckish.”

Buffy smiled up at Spike; her heart heavy with sadness for him and his past. She knew it had been hard for him to talk about, but she was glad that he shared it with her. Crawling over to him at the edge of the bed, she laughed and said, “Peckish?”