Violently Happy

Scene 9

A while later, we see them in the bath. They’re front to back, with Spike against the back of the tub. He’s running his hands over her shoulders and down her arms. They look very relaxed, though Miranda's broken leg is still in the cast and so sticks out of the water.

Miranda: “We’ll need to get Buffy on our side. If we can convince her, then she’ll take care of Angel.”

Spike: “So do you really think I was wearing her down?” [She playfully splashes him.]

Miranda: “How could she possibly continue to resist?”

Spike: “No need for such sarcasm, love.”

Miranda: [more serious] “She’ll try to bait you. She’ll do everything in her power to get you to throw the first punch. That’s all she’ll need.”

Spike: “Think I’m going to need a new and more distracting chant to make it through that. She does have a way of infuriating me.”

Miranda: “We’ll likely have to leave town, regardless. I’ll make some calls.”

Spike: “She can’t force us out.”

Miranda: “She’s the slayer, love. It’s her town.”

Suddenly, something passes in front of the door of the bathroom.

Miranda: “Was that a cat?”

Spike: “What?”

Miranda: “I think I saw a cat pass by the door.”

Then a person scoots by the door, saying “sorry”.

Miranda: “Dawn?”

In a moment, Dawn appears in the doorway to the bathroom—she’s wearing pajamas and has her hand over her eyes.

Dawn: “Sorry. I didn’t know you were back. [in a cheery voice] Yay, you’re back.”

Miranda: “You don’t have to cover your eyes, dear, we’ve got bubbles. What are you doing here?”

Dawn: [Pulling her hand from her eyes, but still looking terribly embarrassed.] “Keeping Cat company.”

Miranda: [to Spike] “I told you I saw a cat.”

Dawn: “What happened to your leg?”

Miranda: “It’s a long story.”

Spike: “She fought Lucifer”

Dawn: “Wow. Cool.”

Miranda: “Let’s go back to why you’re here. Isn’t it the middle of the night?”

Spike: “Early morning, more like.”

Dawn: [fast, nervous voice] “See, I thought you’d only be in L.A. a few days and so I figured I’d surprise you by having Cat here and settled by the time you got back. He was still recovering from being “tudored” [she makes the quote signs] when you were here before. So I brought him over with his things right after you left. Then I stopped by once a day to make sure he had food and stuff. But then you didn’t come back so soon and I started to feel guilty about him being all alone and everything in this big house, which I thought might be a little creepy for a cat all by himself, so I decided to spend the night with him. I told Buffy I was sleeping at Janice’s because she probably wouldn’t like me sleeping here all by myself, even though I’m totally fine about it, but you know how she is and I would have asked her to stay here with me, but Cat doesn’t really get along with her all that well. So anyway, I was sleeping upstairs when Cat started scratching at one of the closet doors in the room I was in—it kinda freaked me out, so I opened it to see why he was so interested and I saw there was a staircase in the back. Before I could stop him, he bolted down the stairs and I followed him and here I am. So are there, like, secret passages all over this place?”

Miranda: [confused] “Who is this ‘Cat’?”

Dawn: “Oh, I named him after the cat in Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Spike got him for you when he was just a kitten.”

Spike: “Dawn, I thought we’d already talked about this. He’s yours now.”

Dawn: [teenager girlie whine] “No, but it’s romantic.”

Miranda: [turning to look at Spike] “You got me a kitten?”

Spike: “I got a kitten to help me sleep—it just so happens that the one I found fit the description of the kind you wanted.”

Dawn: [excited] “Let me get him.” [she trots off]

Miranda: “I can’t believe you got me a kitten.”

Spike: “He’s a bloody cat now. And he’s kind of clingy if you ask me.”

Dawn returns with the cat in her arms. She plops him down in the bathroom. The cat sees Spike and chirps a greeting.

Spike: “Yeah, yeah.”

Miranda: [surprised] “He likes you?”

Spike: “Don’t sound so surprised.”

Miranda: “I didn’t think cats and vampires got along.”

Spike: “We don’t. It’s an apparition.”

Dawn: “He’s really sweet. He plays catch. I brought his toys.”

Miranda puts her hand out and the cat comes up and sniffs her.

Miranda: “He’s lovely. I think we can be friends. What do you say, Cat?” [It just and and purrs at Spike.]

Dawn: “So, I can, uh, go upstairs now. Leave you two alone.” [She’s goofily excited on their behalf.]

Miranda: “No, no. Just go in the playroom a minute while we get dressed. Why don’t I make some breakfast for us?”

Spike: “You can’t even stand—how do you propose to make breakfast?”

Miranda: “I can stand—Can’t walk, really, but I can stand. I’ll just need some help up the stairs.”

They get dressed. Miranda is still pretty weak, but other than her one leg, she can move around well enough. Spike helps her up the stairs and she starts cooking breakfast with some help from Alex, who she had to coax out of hiding. Duncan and Cordelia come down at the smell of food. They look suspiciously post-coital. Duncan is thrilled to see Miranda up and about and he gives her a big hug. She whispers in his ear, “You are such a slut. I love that about you.” After making some bacon and eggs, Miranda is starting to look wiped out again. She gets Alex to help her down the stairs with some breakfast for herself and Dawn (although she doesn’t mention to C&D that Dawn is downstairs). She finds Dawn and Spike playing video games in the playroom—it’s some sort of deathmatch game and Dawn is giggling because she’s winning.

Spike: “You’ve been practicing.”

Dawn: “Hardly. You just suck.”

Spike: [waving his bandaged hand, which is now mostly healed] “Hey, injury here.”

Dawn: “Tell yourself what you have to. I say you’re regressing.”

Spike: “Guess I’ve got better things to do with my hands lately. [catching himself] oh. Sorry. Inappropriate comment for a teenager.”

Dawn: “Palease. I’m not twelve.”

Miranda: [coming into the room] “Fuel for the game.”

Alex is right behind her with a tray, which he sets down and turns to leave.

Miranda: “Alex, this is Dawn. Dawn, Alex”

He gives her an awkward wave and quick smile and dis disappears.

Dawn: [After he’s left. Giggling.] “He’s cute. In a mysterious-creepy-sidekick kind of way.”

Dawn and Miranda nibble on some food. Spike eats a piece of bacon.

Dawn: “So tell me about your trip.”

Miranda: “Too tired for a full account right now. In a nutshell: I fought Lucifer, found out I was an angel and Spike got tied to a chair.”

Dawn: [to the last part] “Again?”

Miranda: [beat] Oh, and we might be moving to New York.”

Dawn: [whiney] “No way. But you just got back.”

Miranda: “We’ll talk about it later. I’m going to take a little nap now. You two keep playing.”

Dawn: “Best of five?”

Spike: “You’re on.”

**

Thirty minutes later.

An amplified voice from no-where: “Petite blonde approaching the front walkway.”

Spike: [looking around, confused] “the hell?”

Dawn: “Sounds like a walky-talky.”

They glance around the room. Spike spots the contraption hidden in a plant. He pulls it out and looks at it.

Spike: “He is such a sneaky little bastard.”

Alex’s voice: “Petite blonde about to ring doorbell.”

Spike: “Yeah, we get it.”

Dawn: “You have to push the button before you speak.”

Spike: “I think he heard me.”

Dawn: “So if you move to New York, can I come stay with you guys?—maybe I could come for the summer or something.”

Miranda: [dragging herself out of bed] “S’alright with us, but I can’t imagine your sister liking the idea. [to Spike] Help me up the stairs. I’ll talk to her first. You two keep playing.”

Dawn: “ooh. Could you maybe not tell her I’m here?”

Miranda: “If she asks, why don’t I just tell her you stopped by on the way home—seeing the car out front, alright?”

Dawn: [pleased with the] “I] “I love you guys. You can’t move.”

Miranda goes upstairs. She’s still weak and tired, but healing. Cordelia is already letting Buffy in by the time she makes it to the door. Cordelia is overly friendly and gives Buffy a BIG hug (she’s still feelin’ groovy). Duncan waves from the other room, where he is hungrily devouring bacon and eggs. As Buffy walks in, Miranda hobbles up to greet her.

Miranda: [mustering her most pleasant voice] “Buffy. Can I fix you some breakfast?”

Buffy: “You’re awake. I should call Angel.”

Miranda: [frowning—thinking she’s calling to tell him to come right over.] “It’s daylight—he can’t possibly make the trip here now.”

Buffy: “He’d want to know that you’re alright. He was worried sick about you.”

Miranda: “Oh. Fine. By the way, I never actually had a chance to have that little “talk” with him. You didn’t happen to mention...”

Buffy: [interrupting—annoyed] “No.”

Miranda: “Right, then. I’ll just throw on some more eggs. I invited Anya and Xander over for brunch.”

Buffy: “What? This isn’t a party.”

Miranda: “It is now.”

Buffy’s annoyed, but she takes a minute to call Angel who is still back at her house. She walks into the living room.

Buffy: Cor Cordelia and Duncan] “So, is everything alright here? I wanted to check in before heading to work—I’ll be back before sundown.”

Cordelia: “Everything’s peachy. Miranda makes the best scrambled eggs.”

Buffy: [confused frowns as the scene of domestic bliss is not exactly what she was expecting] “I’m sure she does.”

Buffy goes into the kitchen to talk to Miranda.

Miranda: “Are you staying for breakfast?”

Buffy: “No. I have to get going in a few minutes. Just checking in.”

Miranda: “We’re all good here. I still have to nap every hour or so, and my leg’s pretty useless, but considering everything, life is grand.”

Buffy: “Where’s Spike?”

Miranda: “Downstairs.”

Buffy: “Can I use your phone? Mine seems to be running low on power and I have to call Dawn.”

Miranda: “Oh, you can just shout if you like—she’s downstairs with Spike.”

Buffy: “What? [not a nice tone] You left her alone with him?”

Just then, there’s a squeal from the basement. Buffy bolts for the door and after crashing it open, flies down the stairs in a panic. She bursts in on Spike and Dawn on the Playstation—Spike is playfully batting at Dawn’s controls to throw her off ‘cause she’s winning again. is is jokingly yelling at him to stop and giggling/squealing. The both look up when Buffy arrives.

Buffy: “Dawn, come here. Now.”

Cat hisses at her.

Dawn: “But I’m winning—it’s best of 5 and it’s 2 and 2 and I’m winning this one.”

Buffy: “Dawn. Move away from him.”

Dawn: [detecting the seriousness of Buffy’s tone] “What’s your deal? It’s just Spike.”

Buffy: [to Spike] “You didn’t tell her?”

Spike: “Wasn’t exactly the first thing that came to mind, no.”

Dawn: “Tell me what?”

Spike is just leaning back on his elbows, shaking his head.

Buffy: [to Dawn—as she stomps over to her and grabs her arm, dragging her across the room] “What are you even doing here?”

Dawn: “I saw that they were home and stopped by. Miranda made me breakfast.”

Buffy: “It’s time to go.”

Dawn: [mopey] “Someone got decaf this morning.”

Spike: “Angel’s in town—he makes everyone grouchy.”

Buffy: [to Dawn] “Spike’s chip isn’t working anymore.”

Dawn: [slight concerned frown.] “Oh. [pause while she thinks this through] So basically, he could have just had me as snack.”

Buffy: “Exactly.”

Dawn: “We’ve been playing Mortal Kombat for like, an hour straight and all he’s done is let me win.”

Spike: [disgusted] “Let’s get something straight. I would never let you win.”

Buffy: [ignoring him] “That’s not the point. Let’s go.”

She drags Dawn upstairs, eyeing Spike threateningly the whole time. He shakes his head and leans back against the couch. He mumbles something under his breath.

**

Upstairs. Buffy tells Dawn to wait in the living room while she talks to Miranda.

Buffy: [to Miranda. She’s LIVID.] “You really are insane, aren’t you? How could you possibly have left them alone? She IS my family. Are you looking for a fight? Because between you and me, you’d lose.”

Miranda: “I hope you’re kidding, though by the position of your arms, I dare say it’s unlikely. Do you honestly think he could ever hurt Dawn? I get your instinct to worry about the average citizen of this fair town and perhaps an inkling of doubt might be understandable in Xander’s case, but it is inexcusable for you to think that Spike wouldn't hurt a hair on your little sister’s head. You shouldn’t need me to tell you that.”

Buffy: “Things are different now.”

Miranda: “Not that different.”

Buffy: “He got himself a get-out-of-jail-free card, that’s all. Serial killer, remember?”

Miranda: [incredibly frustrated] “Gah! You know what Spike did while we were in Europe? He bloody well dragged me back into a very bad situation, risking serious personal injury to both himself and me, to rescue a girl who simply bore a passing resemblance to your little sister. Could have flogged him at the time. But he couldn’t let it go. Don’t you get it? He’s the same person.”

Buffy: [maybe second guessing herself] “Fine. No harm done—this time. I have to go and I’m taking Dawn with me. I’ll be back with Angel at sundown. We’ll resolve things then.”

Miranda: [sarcasm] “Will we, then? Such a relief.”

Buffy calls to Dawn, who appears reluctantly.

Dawn: “So can I spend the summer in New York with Spike and Miranda? They said it’s OK.”

Buffy: “What? No!” [Rolling her eyes and shaking her head, she and Dawn leave.]

**

The minute the door closes, Miranda suddenly looks a bit faint and tries to steady herself against the railing.

Miranda: “Could somebody...?? [Her good knee starts to buckle. Duncan gets there right in time and helps her to a couch. Mumbling] “That girl is going to be the death of me.”

Duncan: “You’re burning up. Let me get you some water.”

He heads to the kitchen, leaving Cordelia and Miranda alone.

Miranda: [resting her head back against a pillow] “Good night?”

But before she can answer, Duncan is back with the water.

Cordelia: [to Duncan with a sweet smile] “Would you mind getting me some more coffee?” [He takes her mug and heads back to the kitchen. As soon as he turns his back to them, Cordelia turns toward Miranda and mouths “Oh_My_God.”]

Miranda: [smiling, knowingly] “This is what I’ve heard.”

Switch to Duncan’s POV as he’s returning with the coffee. There’s all sorts of giggling and whispering going on. All’s quiet when he enters the room.

Duncan: [to Miranda] “Are you telling her stories about me again?”

Miranda: “Not so much stories as rumors and gossip.”

Duncan: [sarcastic] “Well that's much better.”

Miranda: [to Cordelia] “Would you mind giving us a moment alone?”

Cordelia: [quick frown] “Oh. Sure. I should get in the shower anyway.”

She gets up and leaves, flashing a smile to Duncan.

Once they’re alone...

Duncan: “You’re not going to lecture me about getting involved with mortals—‘cause this is just a bit of fun.”

Miranda: [this hadn't occurred to her] “Good lord, no. Have fun. I think you both can use it. I wanted to talk to you before Angel gets here. He’s going to give you a little lecture on vampires and most likely on Spike in particular, I’m certain of it. It’s all true. Vampires are evil and Spike was no exception. In fact, by all accounts, he was rather spectacular at murder and mayhem back in the day. I only ask that you base your actions on what you've seen, not what you’re told.”

Duncan: [He gives her an acknowledging nod, but then adds casually] “Have to say that this is all a bit surreal anyway—vampires, souls, chips, angels...bloody Lucifer. I feel like it’s all a Halloween prank or something. I mean, I thought WE had issues.”

Miranda: “Best not to think too hard on it. Would you mind helping me downstairs? I need a bit of a rest already.”

Duncan helps her to the base of the stairs and then leaves her alone. She can smell the cigarette smoke coming from the other room. She takes a couple of small steps in that direction. A crumpled up piece of paper comes rolling through the door. A second later, Cat pounces on it and picks it up in his mouth and disappears out of sight. Miranda hobbles to the doorway. Spike is still on the floor, leaning back against a chair, smoking like a chimney, looking a bit despondent. Cat trots up with the paper in his mouth and drops it in front of him, adding a little chirp when Spike doesn’t immediately toss it again.

Spike: “Real cats don’t play fetch, you stupid hairball. Real cats would take the paper and shred it in a corner or something. You’re not a stupid dog—have some self-respect.”

The cat just stares at him blankly. He shakes his head disapprovingly and then tosses the paper across the room again. Cat happily goes racing after it.

Miranda: “I’m sorry.”

Spike: “For what?”

Miranda: “Tweedledee’s appalling behavior.”

Spike: “Angel’s tweedledee. She’s tweedledum.”

Miranda: “It bothers you, doesn’t it? Her reaction.”

Spike: [takes a long drag from his cigarette] “Nah. S’better to have her fear me. The way it should be.”

Miranda: [She scrunches up her face, annoyed] “Stuff the macho bullshit.”

Spike: [pause for a minute] “I could have made her life a bloody nightmare if I’d wanted to. Chip didn’t mean I couldn’t mess with them all I wanted. Coulda caused a lot of trouble. Shoulda done, for all the difference it made.”

He lights another cigarette from the butt of the one he’d been smoking.

Miranda: “I think she knows. It’s just easier for her to live in a simplified world.”

Spike: “Fuck it. Doesn’t matter.”

Miranda: “Sorry.”

She feels bad for him, but doesn’t know what to say—he’s pretty over-sensitive about the whole ‘used-to-be-in-love-with-Buffy’ thing, so she decides not to push it.

Spike: [shrugs] “So what’s our plan?”

**Switch scenes to Buffy and Angel’s conversation**

Buffy: “So what’s our plan?”

Angel: “Talk. I guess. Bring Duncan over to our side.”

Buffy: “To do what, exactly?”

Angel: “Convince Miranda that she’s not thinking clearly.”

Buffy: “And then what?”

Angel: “We take him out.”

Buffy: “And you think she’s going to just let us do that?”

Angel: “She’s not exactly in any shape to stop us.”

Buffy: “But she will get better. What then?”

Angel: “That’s why we have to convince her it’s for the best.”

Buffy: [skeptical] “Yeah, good luck with that. I hate to be the one to bring this up, but she’s way into him at the moment—she’s seriously skipping down codependency lane.”

Angel: “Sure, NOW. But deep down, she knows it’s only temporary—a way to pass the time.”

Buffy: [Not wanting to burst his bubble, but EEK. She says, not very convincingly] “Maybe.”

Angel: “You have a better idea?”

Buffy: “I don’t think we can just walk in there and kill him. That’s not something she’ll deal with.”

Angel: “It’ll take time, sure, but...”

Buffy: “And in that time, we might have an Immortal indulging in the mother-of-all revenge-themed benders. How willing are you to take her out if she goes all Desperado on us?”

Angel: “That’s not going to happen. The whole point of getting rid of Spike is to protect her—protect who she is.”

Buffy: “Oh. Excuse me, I though the point was that William the Bloody has his teeth back, not to mention a whole host of newly acquired tolerances to daylight, crosses and holy water.”

Angel: [As if this hadn’t occurred to him] “That, too.”

Buffy: “I’m just saying, I think we need to wait for him to make the first move—if she can see for herself what he is, then...”

Angel: “And who are you prepared to sacrifice as bait while we sit around waiting?”

Buffy: [a bit annoyed by his attitude] “Me. His feelings for me are the strongest. That whole love/hate fine-line thing. If he doesn’t attack me, then...”

Angel: [a bit defensive] “He’ll attack the next person who comes along. What does it prove if he shows a little temporary self-constraint? I mean, it’s not like he can be good forever.”

Buffy: [frowns] “I’m not saying that he could. I just think Miranda is going to have to see for herself, else we’re the bad guys—subject to her revenginess.”

Angel: [suddenly more somber. After a pause.] “You don’t think...I mean, it’s not possible that he...”

Buffy: [looking concerned] “What?”

Angel: “It’s just something Spike said back in LA. He was ranting on about how my real fear is that he won’t kill anyone or try, anyway. That I’d be worried that...people...would compare the two of us and wonder why...”

Buffy: “You turn into a homicidal maniac without your soul?”

Angel: “That about sums it up. What would it mean?”

Buffy: “First, I’m pretty sure that Spike still IS a homicidal maniac. But even if it turns out he isn’t—if he does manage control himself for a while—it’s just because he’s had more time to get used to the idea. I mean, with you, it’s like a light switch—one minute you’re in the light and the next you’re in the dark. Spike’s been living in ‘evening’ for a few years now. So it’s like his eyes have adjusted. Or something—that didn’t quite come out right, but you know what I’m saying.”

Angel: “So you think he’s changed?”

Buffy: [suddenly defensive] “No, of course not. Well, maybe. [apologetically] A tiny bit. But I still wouldn’t trust him—he’s the same person.”

Angel: [still frowning] “Right. The same person. [pause for a moment of silent brooding] She’s my responsibility. She’s got this huge weight on her because of what she did for me. I can’t let her get pulled down further into...”

Buffy: “We won’t let that happen.”

Angel: [pause. suddenly sad/nostalgic] “It was...nice...having her around. It made everything...easier—clearer. I was afraid to question it—to think too hard about any of it. I should’ve...”

Buffy: [sympathetic] “Don’t. None of us said anything. We were all under the influence of something, right?”

Angel: “Maybe I’m not so sure I was.” [Buffy looks at him with a concerned frown, but doesn’t say anything. In a minute, he shakes it off and stands up.] So what’s the plan?”

Buffy: “We talk to them and see what happens.”

**back to Miranda and Spike**

Spike: “So what’s the plan?”

Miranda: “We stall them. As long as possible. Preferably, until I’m strong enough to kick some ass if need be. We talk until we’re bloody blue in the face and if they’re still on the warpath, we make a break for it as soon as I’m strong enough. And what are you NOT going to do?”

Spike: “Throw the first punch.”

Miranda: “Exactly. [thinking about it for a moment] But just so we’re clear, there won’t be any bonding or hugging either—or touching of any kind.”

Spike: “Settled, then.”

Miranda: “Could you call Anya and tell her to come over a bit later. I’m exhausted and need to sleep a bit.”

Spike: “You invited Anya over?”

Miranda: “And Xander. I’ve got an engagement present for them. Stalling, remember?”

Spike: “Xander and Buffy. Trial by fire, I see. This is going to be an interesting evening.”

Scene 10

A few hours later.

Alex’s Voice: “Couple approaching front walkway. With flowers.”

Miranda is putting some snacks together in the kitchen (she’s been up for about 30 minutes or so)—She still doesn’t have use of her leg, but other than that, she’s just a bit weak. Spike has been packing a few of their things just in case. A few minutes go by.

Miranda: “What happened to them?”

Alex’s Voice: “Couple making out on front porch.”

Miranda: [smiling] “Good to know some things haven’t changed.”

Finally, the bell rings. Spike appears and answers the door. Due to all the excitement with Dawn, Buffy forgot to call Xander to tell him about Spike’s chip. So A&X don’t know it isn’t working. Spike holds the door open, without saying anything. He gives them an eyebrow raise for a greeting.

Miranda: [coming over from the kitchen] “Welcome, newly fiancé-ed.”

Anya is all smiley and pushes her hand out for Miranda to see.

Anya: “It’s not very big. Or expensive. But I love it like no other piece of jewelry I’ve ever had.” [She’s completely sincere.]

Miranda: “It’s lovely.”

Xander: “What’s with the cast?”

Miranda: “Lucifer exploded the bone in my leg ‘cause I wouldn’t give him his bloody sword back quick enough.”

Xander: “Yikes. Wait, Lucifer?”

Miranda: “The master of Hell himself. And you know, aside from the bone exploding, he was a rather decent sort. Not bad looking, either.”

Spike: [to M] “If you’re alright, love, I’m going to dive downstairs for a bit.” [She nods and he leaves.]

Anya: “I saw him once. Made an appearance at one of the big demon galas. Everyone was ga-ga over him. Would’ve asked for his autograph, but he had a habit of sucking random passersby into his hell dimension, so I steered clear. Cute, though. Nice horns.”

Miranda: “I’m not quite recovered from the experience, so excuse me if I’m not myself.”

Anya: “Oh, you haven’t been yourself since you left for LA the first time without telling anyone you were leaving. Including your employees, who were then left wondering if and when they were going to get paid.” [a twinge of bitterness]

Xander: [smiling nervously] “Let it go, honey”

Miranda: “Can I get you two a drink? Mimosas perhaps?”

Anya: “Yes, please.”

A moment later, after Miranda has taken their coats, she turns toward the kitchen to go and fix the drinks. But, a tray with mimosas has appeared on a nearby table, so instead, she picks up the glasses and hands them out.

Xander: “How did you...?”

Miranda: “Long story.”

Anya: “Friendly ghost?”

Miranda: “Something like that.”

They walk into the living room.

Xander: “Anything else exciting happen when you were in LA this time?”

Anya: “You didn’t sleep with Angel again, did you?”

Miranda: “No.”

Anya: “Two out of three isn’t bad. [arm motion] Good for you.”

Miranda: [passing frown—quick change of subject] “Uh, I found out I was an archangel—that was rather cool.”

Xander: “So the crazy priest guys were right. Huh. Guess I might have to re-think my knee-jerk creeped-out reaction to the collar.”

Anya: “Oh”

Anya awkwardly glances around, suddenly uncomfortable and wondering what to do. She bites her lower lip and then turns to Miranda and does a quick curtsey.

Miranda: [can’t stop herself from laughing] “I’m not the bloody Queen, Anya.”

Anya: [defensive] “Well, I didn’t know what to do. I’m not familiar with that whole realm.” [She waves her hand up in the air as she says this.]

Miranda: “It’s all in the past. No need to start acting all funny around me or anything.”

Anya: [Squinting up her eyes. Very serious.] “So do you talk to God?”

Miranda: “I’m quite sure she’s taken me off her speed dial—that’s why I’m here.”

Cordelia comes down the stairs and into the livingroom—she had no idea that Xander was coming over. She’s visibly surprised.

Cordelia: “Xander. What are you doing here?”

Xander: “Cordelia. Long time, no snark.”

Cordelia: “And this must be demon-girl?” [indicating Anya]

Xander: “Ex-demon. Anya, meet Cordelia.”

Anya: “We’ve met. Former client, remember?”

Xander: “Right.”

Anya: “We’re engaged (she holds her hand up quickly to flash the ring). Miranda is giving us a present.”

Cordelia: “Well, good for you. I wish you lots of little Xanders, because, you know, the world can always use more lo... [Duncan comes trotting down the stairs. Seeing him, Cordelia quickly catches her self and substitutes ‘losers’ with] lovely children. Duncan, let me introduce you to Xander and Anya. Xander and I went to high school together.”

Duncan: “We’ve met, haven’t we?”

Anya: “Yep. Back just before Miranda skipped town.”

Cordelia: “Duncan. Now might be a good time to go to that thing I told you about. You know, that place that I wanted to show you?” [exaggerated eye movements]

Duncan: [looking a bit confused for a moment, then getting it] “Right. The thing. I’m not sure it’s such a good idea to leave right now.”

Cordelia: “Oh, Alex can handle it, can’t you Alex? He’s got your cell if anything happens.”

Alex’s voice: “No problem”

She practically pulls him out the door. In her surprise and desperation to leave, Cordelia doesn’t think to mention the situation with Spike either.

Anya: [Grumpy to be reminded of why Cordelia summoned her tho those years ago.] “Well, I certainly hope you don’t cheat on me like you did with her. [mumbling] Maybe Miranda’s been giving you tips.”

Miranda: [desperate to change the subject] “Anya, why don’t we go upstairs. I want to show you something. Xander, can you amuse yourself down here for a bit? Pop the telly on if you want.”

Xander: [relieved] “Sure thing.”

**

Up in one of the bedrooms, Miranda sits in a chair for a minute to recover from the trip up the stairs. Anya waits patiently and they talk about wedding stuff. Downstairs, Xander is munching on some chips and watching TV. He jumps when a voice suddenly announces: “Three females approaching the front door.”

Xander: “What the? That’s one seriously high-tech alarm systems she’s got.”

The doorbell rings and it is Willow, Tara and Dawn. Dawn had deviously managed to get them to suggest a trip over, once she told them that M was back in town. They haven’t talked to Buffy and Dawn doesn’t mention Spike. Xander lets them in and they chit-chat for a minute. He tells them that M and Anya are upstairs doing girlie things. Dawn and Tara head up, but Willow stays to hang with Xander on the couch. When they find them, Miranda is going through boxes in the big closet, looking for something. She’s pulled out all sorts of things in the process, and the room is a bit of a mess. Miranda is shocked (but pleased) to see Dawn—she giver aer a look like, you know Buffy is going to be hopping mad if she finds you here. Dawn has it in her head that if they all spend the evening here and see that Spike doesn’t try to hurt anyone, that maybe Buffy will let them stay and they won’t have to move to New York. Tara gives M a big hug.

Dawn: “So what’s all this?”

Miranda: “Oh, mostly things I had Spike pull out of the storage room at the shop before those bloody lawyers closed me down. [Finding a big box in the back of the closet.] Here it is.”

Anya: “What? What is it?”

Miranda: “Hang on a minute. Give us a hand, will you?” [Tara gives her a hand. They put the large box on the bed.] “Let’s have a look shall we?”

She pulls the top off the box and smiles down at what she sees. The others lean in.

Tara: “Oh. It’s a wedding dress.”

Miranda: “It is indeed. MY wedding dress, in fact.”

Dawn: “It’s beautiful.”

Miranda: “Who wants to try it on, then?” [They all laugh, but take turns trying it on. Lots of giggling and oohs and ahhs ensue. It’s rather simple, but with a very long silk train. Obviously made of the very best fabric money can buy. Once they’ve had their fun, they lay the dress full out on the bed.] “Anya, I want you to have it.”

Anya: [conflicted] “Oh, but I was going to look for a sleeveless dress. To show off my slender arms and elegant shoulders.”

Tara: [chastising] “Anya. She’s giving you her wedding dress.”

Miranda: “No, it’s alright. Take it for the fabric—have it altered any way you want. My treat. You’ll have the dress of a millionaire. Every women deserves to be a princess at least once.”

Anya: [getting a bit emotional—sniffling] “Well, in that case...That’s pretty much the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me. Well, except for Xander asking me to marry him, but it’s the nicest thing anyone who I don’t have sex with has ever done. [She sits on the bed and stares down at the dress.] I’m sorry I said all those awful things about you when you left town. I didn’t mean them. Really.”

Miranda: [smiling] “It’s alright.”

Dawn: [looking in another box] “Hey, are these your old clothes?”

Miranda: “I saved a few things.”

Tara: “What’s this one? It’s amazing.”

Miranda: [peering over] “That has a bit of a story behind it. It was made for my engagement party.”

Tara: “But it’s a different style from the rest.”

Miranda: “My engagement before I became an Immortal.”

Tara: “You’ve kept it this whole time?”

Miranda: “No, actually. When Spike and I were traveling around Europe, we decided to swing by my old family’s estate. I was shocked to find what appeared to be my own grave. We had a little dance on it, just for laughs, but I was intensely curious to know what exactly my parents had buried since it couldn’t have been my body. So we dug up my coffin and there inside was this dress. How it survived all those years underground is a mystery. Let’s see if it still fits.”

They help her put the dress on, complete with corset. For fun, they keep going and put on jewelry and do her hair in the style of the day—she tells them tales of what it was like to be a young lady in society. When they’re done, she stands in front of the mirror—she looks absolutely stunning. The dress is ruby-red and made of fine silk. As is typical for dresses of the day, it was quite revealing in the chest area. They hear someone coming down the hall. A moment later, Spike appears in the doorway, mumbling something about being out of cigarettes. Then he sees Miranda and stops talking—she turns to face him, giving him a coy smile. He just stares, speechless. Everyone can see that he is completely transfixed by her in that dress—he doesn’t even look like Spike for a moment. He looks almost vulnerable.

Miranda: “So what do you think, William?”

He’s still unable to speak—or perhaps he doesn’t hear what she said because he’s too busy drinking in the sight of her.

Tara: “If he had breath to take..."

Spike: [snapping out of it—noticing the others in the room] “I’ve seen you in that dress before.”

Miranda: “No, you haven’t.”

Spike: “Have so. Sarah dragged me along the night of your party—she needed me to help her up a tree so she could see into the ballroom.”

Miranda: “I never knew that.”

Dawn: “Didn’t you say that Sarah was your best friend?”

Miranda: “Yes. But I wasn’t allowed to invite her to my engagement party—my future husband wouldn’t allow it because her family wasn’t quite up to his standard. My family was hardly up to his standard, but my father had money, so he made an exception. I was so angry about her not coming that I tried to call off the engagement. You see, it was more than just the party—he didn’t want me to see her at all once we were married—well, he didn’t want me to be seen with her, more like. My father intervened, of course, and abruptly informed me that I had no choice in the matter. I would marry the bastard and I’d be thankful for the opportunity. As a placatory gift, my fiancée offered to have a dress made for me to wear on the occasion—I could have anything I wanted, spare no expense. Needless to say, I didn’t hold back. Not only did I break the bank on the most expensive fabric I could find, I chose a very controversial style for the day. Spike, why don’t you explain why this dress would have been considered risqué back in the day? If you can remember.”

Spike strolls up to her as he talks.

Spike: “First off, it’s red. Proper, unmarried young ladies never wore red. But more importantly, [He is close enough to touch her now and he illustrates his point with his hand] the waistline is a few inches below what was acceptable—see how it extends a ways below her chest? Why, you can practically see the narrowness of her real waist, which emphasizes the outward curve of her hips. An outrage. Heaven forbid a man see the true shape of a woman—he might get improper ideas.” [He licks his lips and it’s rather obvious the improper ideas he’s having right now. He moves in closer and studies her face, touching her neck, down to her chest with the back of his hand. His look is very predatory.] So, are you actually wearing a corset?”

Dawn: “Let’s go downstairs and see what Xander and Willow are up to, huh? Maybe there’s ice cream or something.”

Anya: “Oh, but it’s just getting good. I think we’ve hit serious hidden fantasy territory.”

Tara: [grabbing Anya’s arm] “Time to go.”

As they leave, Miranda and Spike are kissing.

**

Switch to Angel and Buffy walking up to the front door. They stop at the porch.

Buffy: “You ready for this?”

Angel: “Yeah. Why?”

Buffy: “I get the feeling you may be expecting too much.”

Angel: “All I need is a few minutes alone with her.”

Buffy: [skeptical frown] “OK. [sigh] Let’s get this over with.”

They ring the bell

Angel: “Whose car is that?”

Buffy turns to look, just as the door opens.

**

Back up in the bedroom with M&S. We only see her from the waist up—she’s still in the dress. Her eyes are closed and she’s looking very happy until she hears the doorbell.

Miranda: “Bloody...not now. Alex? Where’s our warning?”

We pull back to see the rest of her—we see Spike’s lower legs sticking out from under her skirt (he’s kneeling). At the sound of her voice, there’s rustling as he pushes up the fabric of her skirts to free himself.

Alex’s walky-talky voice: “Uh. Sorry. [Implication that he’s been too busy watching them to have his eye on the door.] Er...blonde and spikey-haired oaf at the front door.”

Spike: “Guess we’ll have to continue this later.”

Miranda:[whining/pouting] “Is it dusk already? Guess it’s time to face the tweedles.”

Spike: “You go ahead. I need a min”

”

Miranda: [smiles, knowingly.] “Such a waste. Why don’t you head straight down to the basement when you’re ready. There’ll probably be quite the ruckus in the living room once Buffy finds out the whole gang is here.”

**

Back down at the door. Xander opens it.

Xander: “Hey, Buffy. Come on in. It’s a party. There’s chip. AND dip. [a bit less enthusiasm] Angel. Didn’t know you were in town. What a...surprise.”

Buffy: [moving her hand to her face] “Oh god. I completely forgot she invited you guys over. [She rushes through the door.] Is everything OK?”

As she turns the corner into the living room, she sees Tara and Willow on the couchya oya on the love seat, fiddling with her engagement ring and Dawn laying on the floor, reading the rule sheet for some board game. There’s a bowl of chips (and dip) on the table and drinks all around.

Willow: “Hey, Buff. Just in time for Scattegories.”

Dawn: “I wanted to play charades.”

Xander: “Too much movement and effort involved. Now Scattegories is all about sitting in place. Hey, it’s my day off—my goal is to be as sedentary as humanly possible.”

Tara: “Should I order a pizzas?”

Dawn: “No olives, please.”

Anya: “But I want olives. We never get olives.”

Buffy: [completely overwhelmed] “Dawn, you are SO grounded. What is everyone doing here?”

Xander: “We’re all just hanging out. What’s the big? Wait, let me guess—another apocalypse looming? Hey, the last time we were here, all together like this was...oooh, a very very long night.”

Buffy: [to Dawn] “Did you at least tell them?”

Dawn: [shrugs, playing innocent] “Tell them what?”

Angel: “Where’s Duncan?” From the doorway—Angel is still stuck outside.

Willow: “Who’s at the door?”

Buffy: “Angel—he’s in town. [sigh] Where’s Miranda? She has to invite him in.”

Anya: “She’s upstairs making out with Spike.”

Buffy: “Great.”

Xander: “Duncan went out somewhere with Cordelia.”

Willow: [to Xander] “Oh my god, Cordelia’s in town? Why didn’t you say anything?”

Xander: “I must’ve blanked it out of my mind.”

Tara: “Who’s Cordelia?”

Anya: “She used to go out with Xander. Until she caught him making out with Willow.”

Willow: “Ok, that is just a WAY oversimplification of what happened, see...”

Anya: “And Cordelia’s really pretty. I never understood what possessed you to cheat on her with a lesbian.”

Xander: “She wasn’t a lesbian at the time.”

Willow: “Not helping.”

Buffy: [frustrated] “Can we please quit the exposition for a moment? I’ve got something to say.”

They all stop and look at her.

Anya: “Are you pregnant?”

Buffy: “What? No. Why...?”

Anya: “Seemed like a good guess—you’re awfully agitated and the last time we were all here and Miranda was agitated and said she had something to say, she was pregnant. But I suppose you have to actually be having sex for that to happen.”

Tarn’t n’t help but giggle.

Xander: “Not necessarily. Thinking back to the last time...”

Buffy: “Will you all stop talking for a minute. I feel like I’m a junior high substitute teacher or something. [They all apologize and are quiet] Ok. Thank you. [pause] uh...” [as if she can’t remember]

Angel: [from the doorway]: “Spike.”

Buffy: “Spike’s chip isn’t working.”

Tara: “But we were just upstairs with him. [beat] Oh.”

Buffy: “I don’t think he’ll try anything while we’re here, but you should protect yourselves just in case. In fact, it would probably be better if you all left.”

Willow: “What are you going to do?”

Buffy: “I’m not sure yet.”

Dawn: “I still don’t see what the big deal is.”

Anya: “I’m not leaving without my dress.”

Miranda slowly slides down the banister, still in her dress. She hops off onto her one good leg when she gets to the bottom.

Miranda: “Now, that’s the way to go down stairs with a cast. Buffy. So glad you could make it to my little party. Is it too much to hope that you’re alone?”

Buffy: “Angel’s outside. You need to invite him in.”

Miranda: “And why would I do that?”

Buffy: “He wants to talk to you.”

Miranda: “There’s a shocker.”

Buffy: “This isn’t a game.”

Miranda: “I’m well aware of that. I’ll talk to him outside if I have to.”

Buffy: [just noticing] “And why exactly are you dressed like that?”

Miranda: “Oh, the girls and I were just having some fun. And then Spike and I were having some fun.”

Buffy: “Speaking of, where is he?”

Miranda: “Downstairs.”

Xander: “Why don’t Anya and I go up and get the dress and then we’ll get out of your way. Unless you want us to stick around.”

Buffy: “Take some weapons just in case.”

Xander: “We don’t actually have anything handy.”

Buffy: “Have a look around—I’m sure there’s something you can use.”

**

Skip forward to Xander and Anya going up the stairs and down the hal tow toward the bedroom where the dress is. They’re whispering.

Anya: “But if she has garlic in the kitchen, can it really be that much of a deterrent?”

Xander: “There wasn’t much else to work with.”

Just then, Spike comes out of the room—he’s been smoking a cigarette (he found a pack in the dresser) and turns to face X & A.

Anya: “We’ve just come for the dress. We don’t want any trouble.”

Xander: “We’ve got garlic. [beat] Yeah, that just doesn’t sound very intimidating, does it?”

Spike: “Guess Buffy spilled the beans, then.”

Anya: “Don’t come any closer—I’ve got a cross.” [She holds up a small, plastic cross.]

Spike makes a disgusted face.

Spike: “That’s pathetic. Buffy tells you that William the Bloody’s free and on the loose again and that’s all you bring to protect yourself? It’s insulting, is what it is.”

Anya: [not wanting to annoy him] “Maybe we just figured you like us and so wouldn’t be so keen to pounce. [She makes the little pounce hand gesture.] Double dates and all.”

Spike: “First, the double dates were beyond painful. And you, I don’t mind. Him, well, there’s no love holding me back.”

He suddenly lunges forward, and before Xander can do anything, he pulls Anya around to him, being sure to grab the cross with his hand (and continue to hold it). He turns her around so that her back is to him, casually brushes the garlic aside (it’s hanging around her neck) and plants a big sloppy kiss on the skin above her jugular. He smirks and promptly lets her go.

Spike: “Very effective defense you’ve got there. Good thing I don’t kill people anymore.”

Xander scowls. Anya has a slightly ‘mussed’ look—a little wild eyed, like she kinda sorta enjoyed that. Spike pushes past them and swaggers downstairs.

Anya: [recovered, calling after him] “Hey, were you just smoking in the room with my dress—I’ll send you the dry cleaning bill.”

Xander: [wanting to say something, but at a loss] “She’ll do it, too. It’ll be expensive. [once he’s out of sight.] Damn, my come-backs need work.”

**

Switch to the living room. Spike comes trotting down the stairs.

Miranda: “I thought you were downstairs.”

Willow: [concerned] “Xander.”

Spike: “They’re fine. Bloody idiots.”

Buffy: “Willow, go check on them.”

Spike: [knowing Angel must be just outside the door.] “Angel, mate. Anyone dead or bleeding in the house? [silence] See? I do believe he’d say otherwise.”

Buffy: “Angel?”

Angel: “They’re fine.” [Annoyed, heavy sigh. Implied eye roll.]

Spike: [looking around the living room] “And once again, I have to say, this is it? This is your response to my de-chipping. I was expecting crossbows and flame-throwers and re-enforcements. You didn’t even think it important enough to call in Watcher-boy. Maybe you DO have a bit of faith in me after all, slayer.” [He gives her a little eyebrow-raise.]

Buffy: “Giles is in England—some sort of conference. And I seem to remember this very same group being able to keep you pretty much contained back before the chip.”

Miranda suddenly looks a bit faint. She tries to shake it off, but it’s obvious she’s exhausted.

Spike: “You alright, love?”

Miranda: “Just need to sit for a minute and catch my breath.”

He leads her over to a chair and she sits. After a moment.

Miranda: “So, Buffy, what’s the plan? The gang’s all here.”

Buffy: [Looking around, uncomfortable. She’s not sure what to do.] “Angel wants to talk to you. Alone.”

Spike: [possessively] “No.”

Miranda: [reading Buffy’s look] “I think it might be for the best, love. It’ll give you a chance to catch up with Buffy. We can both have a nice, long chat.”

Spike: “You’re not going to invite him in.”

Miranda: “No, of course not. We’ll talk in the shed. [turning to Buffy—still in a pleasant voice] You wouldn’t do anything stupid, now, would you?”

Buffy: “Only if he does something stupid first.”

Miranda: “One thing to keep in mind—and pay attention, Angel, because I know you’re listening. [Her voice switches to a more ominous tone.] It’s true I’m still weak and therefore, we are effectively outnumbered, but should you make the decision to...let’s be blunt, shall we?...take Spike out, as it were, you had better make damn sure you’re prepared to kill me too, because you’ve never seen fury like mine.”

Buffy: [bristling at the threat] “I’ll do what I have to do.”

Xander and Anya are now at the top of the stairs and have been listening in.

Anya: [interjecting] “But she’s an angel. I mean, wouldn’t killing an angel be, like, a one-way ticket to hell? [Xander gives her a subtle elbow jab] I’m just saying.”

Xander: [whispering to Anya] “I don’t think she’s that kind of angel.”

Miranda: [smiling, back to polite voice] “As long as we understand each other. [turning to Spike] William, will you help me to the door?”

He helps her up and she leans on him as they walk to the front door. As they approach, they see Cat, who is standing just on the inside of the open door, hissing and growling at Angel. At one point, he actually shoots a paw out to swat at Angel’s foot—he obviously is aware that Angel can’t come in, because he quickly pulls back and retreats hissing.

Angel: “Nice cat.”

Spike: “He knows who his friends are.”

Spike and Angel glare at each other through the open door. Miranda turns to Spike.

Miranda: “See you in a bit, love. Remember what I said.”

She touches his face gently and looks into his eyes. He nods. She turns to hobble out the door and Spike turns back to Buffy, who is now standing behind them.

Angel: “Aren’t you going to get dressed?”

Miranda: “But I am dressed—it may not be in fashion, but...[Suddenly realizing what he’s referring to. She smirks, remembering what she and Spike had just been up to] Oh. Sorry, left my knickers upstairs. [shaking her head] Get some bloody nose plugs.”

tbc...