Violently Happy

Part 6a , Rating NC-17

Writer’s note: Ok, so I got a bit off track there for a minute. Ahem. Obviously that last bit was not being told to Spike by Miranda in their hotel room in L.A.—although we were still actually (technically) in flashback. Confused yet? Um, there are a couple of more scenes in pseudo-flashback before we get back to the present (for good). BUT, before that, we need to make a quick visit. Now are you confused?

Scene 1

L.A. hotel room. The present. Miranda has just finished telling her tale—ending with her conversation with Angel at the airport (this was the last thing he wouldn’t have known). Spike gets out of bed and pulls his pants on hastily, without looking at her. He picks up a pack of cigarettes on the bedside table and lights one up. He leans back, partially sitting on the dresser off to the side of the bed. He’s tense—trying very hard to not lose it. He doesn’t say anything.

Miranda: “I told you, you wouldn’t like it.”

He looks angrily off to the side and takes a deep breath.

Spike: “So you would have stayed, then.”

Miranda: “I don’t know.”

Spike: “You left because of the curse. If there wasn’t a curse, you would’ve stayed.” [He’s simply reviewing what he sees to be the facts.]

Miranda: “It’s not that simple.”

Spike: [getting angrier] “Oh, I don’t know. Seems pretty straightforward to me. You told him you...were happy (he can’t bring himself to say the ‘L’ word). So if you were happy, you’d have no reason to leave—unless you were lying to him. Were you lying to him?”

Miranda: “Please don’t do this.”

Spike: [raising his voice slightly] “Were_you_lying_to_him?”

Miranda: [resigned] “No.”

Spike: [the word stings him. bitter.] “Ok, then. Glad we straightened that out.”

He’s not quite sure why he’s letting himself get so worked up. In some ways, the truth was better than what he’d imagined. Still, hearing it invokes the pain they’d been so cleverly avoiding these past two months.

Miranda: [Not really knowing what to say—she’d like to say something about things happening for a reason, but it sounds like a cop-out.] “Nothing I can say will make this better. So what’s the point, love? We’ve been happy these past two months, haven’t we? I’m sure you won’t believe me now when I say that despite everything, I’ve never been happier. Maybe someday. [beat] You are my life. [Confessing, in a whisper] If I were to lose you now, it would wreck me. So if that’s what you want...” [Her voice trails off as she squints up her eyes and looks down.]

Spike: “Are you done?” [He's softening, but his tone when he says this is still a tad bitter.]

Miranda: [Her voice is shaking] “No. One more. I know they’re just words, but...[she looks him straight in the eye again] If we walk in there tomorrow and he were to tell me that the curse had been lifted and he wanted me back, I wouldn’t consider it for an instant. I’d tell him to bugger off.”

Spike: “And I should believe you because...????”

Miranda: [Tears of frustration—she knows there’s no reason why he should trust what she says. Defeated.] “No reason.”

Spike: “Wrong answer.”

Miranda: [confused] “What?”

Spike: “I overheard you talking to Buffy before—heard what you said about Angel.”


Begin Flashback

Sunnydale. About a week or two after Spike and Miranda have returned from Europe. They’ve been mostly keeping to themselves (not wanting to deal with everyone’s reactions), with the main exception being that Miranda has had a couple of conversations with Dawn—her motherliness has now changed a bit into big-sisterliness. There’s a wonderful warmth between them—Dawn has always been the most accepting of Miranda’s relationship with Spike and so Miranda is comfortable telling her all about their adventures in Europe and Dawn loves being her confidant. Dawn was also the only one to express anger at Miranda for leaving Spike (Anya was just mad that she left Sunnydale). At the same time, Miranda has had a number of very awkward/strained interactions with Buffy. This scene starts when Buffy and Miranda find themselves alone in the Magic Box.

Buffy walks in the front door. She sees Miranda at the counter, flipping through a book.

Buffy: [Based on their previous encounters this week, Buffy is a bit cautious/awkward] “Miranda. Hi. Have you seen Dawn? I can’t remember if we were going to meet here or at the library.”

Miranda: [sarcastic] “Buffy. I see you’re parenting skills have much improved over these last months. Would it be Taco Bell or McDonalds for dinner tonight? [under her breath] Heaven forbid you pick up a cookbook.”

Buffy: [Annoyed, but not wanting to get into it] “Has she been here?”

Miranda: “No. I wouldn’t worry. She’s probably met a lovely young man on the internet and is right now on her way to meet her destiny. Perhaps you should just rush off to the Bronze to meet your friends instead.”

Buffy: “What IS your problem? I’m thinking it’s just with me, since everyone else seems to think you haven’t actually gone insane.”

Miranda: “Don’t be silly. How could I possibly have a problem with little miss perfect? Forgive me if I don’t jump to worship your perky little slayer ass every time we meet.” [Even Miranda is surprised by the intensity of her own bitchiness. Huh.]

Buffy: “Oh. My. God. No one has been this bitchy to me since Cordelia left town. If this is about what I said on the phone...”

Miranda: “On the contrary, I was quite impressed with your mastery of the art of the four-letter word. Although, I think my favorite was when you called me...what was it now? Oh yes, a skanky ho-bag tramp. That was just lovely.”

Buffy: [honestly regretting those words] “I’m sorry—I lost my temper. You’d just dropped the bomb that you’d broken up with Angel and it all came flooding out.”

Miranda: “You know, it’s not about that. I guess you simply bring out the bitch in me. [thinking about it] Or maybe, I was just better at hiding my feelings before.”

Buffy: [this stings] “Why do you say those things? We were friends.”

Miranda: “I was thinking about giving up friends for lent this year.”

Buffy: [angry arms, ANGRY ARMS. Big sigh of frustration.] “I SO don’t need this. If you don’t want to be friends anymore, fine. Just stay out of my way—I’ve got a pretty mean temper these days.” [She turns to leave. Angel said she’d be different, but GEEZ.]

Miranda: [feeling a bit guilty—she really doesn’t know why she’s been feeling such hostility towards Buffy] “Buffy, wait.”

Buffy turns around and folds her arms.

Buffy: “What? Thought of another good burn?”

Miranda: [Kind of rolling her eyes and shifting around like a little kid who was forced to apologize to someone by their mother.] “I’ve been meaning...[deep breath]...Thanks for not killing Spike.”

Buffy: [A bit taken aback.] “Oh. No problem. Past coupla years, I’ve sorta made a thing of not killing Spike, so it wasn’t much of a stretch.”

Miranda: [still in ‘little kid’ apology] “Well, he said you were nice to him, so thanks for that.”

Buffy: [soft voice] “Welcome. [She’s been wanting to say something, too, but due to the aforementioned hostility has held back. They stand there for a moment, both looking like awkward kids.] What you did for Angel—that was...unbelievable. He’s all buried under a heaping mound of guilt about it, but that’s just the way he deals with things. You’ve given him something I didn’t think was possible to give and he does deserve it. So, thanks for THAT.”

Miranda: “So he told you. Should’ve known he’d go rushing off to his Buffy.”

Buffy: “I went to see him—make sure he was OK.”

Miranda: [back to bitchy voice—she can’t seem to shake that] “And did he whine to you about how dreadful I was to him—how I was cold and insensitive?”

Buffy: “It hurt, but he doesn’t blame you. Kinda funny, ‘cause I’m the one person uniquely qualified to understand what that’s like.”

Miranda: [Understanding that it must have been hard for Buffy to talk to him and knowing that her visit probably did ease some of his pain, she reigns in her attitude. Shrugging.] “Yeah, well, maybe he’ll save a bunch of people or end an apocolypse in the next few years and you two can get a house with a white picket fence and live happily-ever-after fighting evil together or something.”

Buffy: [confused] “Oh, I assumed that was kinda your plan. Well, minus the picket fence—guessing that’s not quite your style.”

Miranda: [laughing] “What? Me and Angel? Good lord, no. We make a dreadful couple. You and your schoolyard chums may find this a bit hard to believe—in fact I’ll bet it’ll take some convincing before Spike will believe me when I tell him—but given the choice, forgetting the curse for the moment, I’d be with Spike in a heartbeat. But life gets complicated sometimes and you have to make choices. Angel is a wonderful man—he was good to me. I suppose I did love him—must’ve done, right?—else we’d be back where we started from. But it was a different kind of love entirely—I loved the idea of him and of his love for me. What I feel for Spike is more...[pause as she tries to find a way to express it]...well, just more. I don’t think I properly appreciated it before. It’s wonderful to know someone and be known—we’re made of the same stuff, he and I. As they say, different strokes...So, no, thank you—Angel’s all yours. You two deserve each other. [with a tiny smirk] I mean that in the best possible way, of course.” :)

Buffy: [Scrunching up her face—not being able to fathom anyone choosing Spike over Angel.] “You sure Angel is clear on this? ‘Cause when we talked, I got the impression that he has different plans for the long term.”

Miranda: “Really? Well, feel free to set him straight next time you see him.”

Buffy: “No, I think that is definitely something that needs to come from you.”

Miranda: “Well I’ve got no plans to talk to him in the foreseeable future. In fact, L.A. is the last place you should look for me in the next decade or so—I plan to avoid that place like the plague. And anyway, I’m so bored with talking.”

Buffy: “Now THAT, I find hard to believe.”

Miranda: [laugh] “Ooh, nice one. [waving it off] Eh, he’ll be fine.”

Spike: [appearing from the basement] “Who’ll be fine?”

Miranda: “No one important, love.”

End Flashback

**

Miranda: [hopeful; a flash of a smile] “So that’s why you were so willing to go to L.A. [pause] So, uh...?” [Facial expression indicating that she’s hoping they’re finished talking about this.]

Spike: [feeling better] “Give me three questions, and then we’re done.”

Miranda: “Three?”

Spike: “Yeah, three sounds like a good number to wrap things up.”

Miranda: [dubious/worried] “Go on then.”

Spike: “Uh. [thinking about it—it’s obvious he didn’t have three in mind] How many times did you have sex?”

Miranda: [shaking her head, disgusted] “You’re not seriously going to waste a question on that?”

Spike: “It’s a perfectly valid question. So?”

Miranda: “God, I don’t know. It’s not like I kept a tally. [He just raises his eyebrows expectedly. She thinks about it for a moment, reluctantly] 30, maybe 35 times.”

Spike: [doing a quick calculation in his head (3 months, 12 weeks…); then looking a bit surprised] “But that’s not even three times a week. Pathetic. We beat that in the first three weeks.”

Miranda: “I told you our relationship wasn’t based around sex.”

Spike: [shaking his head; hint of a smile] “That’s just silly. He is such a loser.”

Miranda: “Next question.”

Spike: “What’s the worst thing he ever did to you? You know, aside from the whole not telling you about the curse business.”

Miranda: “He called me Darla once.”

Spike: [He can see how this would sting] “No shit. When you were, uh...[wink wink, nudge nudge]

Miranda: “Just about. He’d been a bit of a wanker all evening—I’d gone out with Duncan to a cocktail party as a personal favor. It was a business thing and he needed a date. He’s recently lost his latest love and wasn’t in the mood to have to entertain a proper date, so he asked me. We met Angel afterwards for a drink—unusual for him, he actually joined us for some scotch. I noticed something was awry after his fourth glass—he’s such a puritanical bastard, he never has more than one. Suffice it to say, due to Angel’s unwarranted jealousy, it became a bit of a pissing contest and I dragged him off home. I was annoyed and let it be known once we got back to the hotel—he was all hands, though and after pushing him away a couple of times, he comes out with a “Come on, Darla, you know you’re always up for it.” [Spike makes an ‘ouch’ face] Yeah. Bastard slept in the hall that night. [more serious] I think it was his particular choice of ex-girlfriends that was so very telling—not about to call me Buffy, now was he?”

This last bit brings the mood down a bit—Spike could sense that it really bothered her for Angel to think of her that way.

Spike: [more serious] “Did you make him tea? In the mornings, did you bring him tea?”

Miranda: [still in light-hearted mode—not noticing that Spike is a bit more somber. She’s relieved to have such an easy last question] “I suppose I did. Thank God he wasn’t a coffee drinker—don’t think I could stand having to fiddle with one of those insipid coffee machines.”

Spike stands up and walks toward the door to the balcony without saying anything. He goes outside and leans against the railing, frowning. Miranda is surprised by this—she thought they’d made it through the tough bits. She wraps the sheet around her qui quickly follows.

Miranda: “What’s wrong, love?”

He’s turned to face her (his back is to the railing of the balcony), but is looking at the ground, obviously upset again. He just shrugs. She steps closer and tries to touch him—he just shifts awkwardly.

Miranda: [Assuming he’s still upset about their earlier conversation.] “I only said it him once—I’ve told you a thousand times, at least. It’ll be a million before I’m through.”

And with this, she starts whispering softly, over and over “I love you”. She gets closer and closer each time she says it and you can tell despite his resistance, it’s getting to him. Finally, he puts his hands on her shoulders and touches his forehead to hers.

Spike: [in his hoarse/upset voice, he says softly] “I hate that you made him tea.” [His eyes are slightly wet.]

Miranda: “I know.”

*

They stay like that for a while and then head back into the room and into bed. They fall asleep, exhausted. A couple hours later, we see Miranda squirming in her sleep—she’s obviously having a nightmare. She’s whimpering, slightly. Soon she’s thrashing and then wakes up with a gasp, wide eyed—she’s shaking. Spike is awake and waiting—they’ve been through this before many times. He pulls her shaking body to him and holds her tightly as he strokes her hair and tries to calm her.

Spike: “Do you want to take a pill this time?” [She shakes her head, no. He continues to cradle her and after a while, she starts to breath more regularly and her muscles loosen and she stops shaking. All that remains is the sweat on her forehead.] “It’s been a while, hasn’t it, since the last one. All this talk, I suppose.”

Miranda: [She’s trying to take her mind off it] “I saw you once, in a dream—in his memory. I never told you.”

Spike: “Yeah?” [He looks a little concerned.]

Miranda: “You and Drusilla. [pause] I saw the way you looked at her.”

Spike: [remembering something] “That when you got all weird for a few days in Rome? Figured it was just all the catholics about.”

Miranda: [nods] “It was hard to see, is all. You looked at her like you’ve never looked at me.”

Spike: “Guess we’re even, then.”

She looks confused for a moment, then realizes he’s talking about that time with Cal at the house. She doesn’t think it was anywhere near the same, but she nods her head.

Scene 2

The next day. Duncan’s shop in L.A.

Angel, Gunn, Wesley and Cordelia arrive (they all shake hands with Duncan) and they all go into a back room to discuss plans for the next evening. Duncan had specifically planned to have Angel et al. arrive before Miranda. It’s 6:30pm.

Gunn: [to Duncan] “So when’s this thing due to arrive?”

Angel: “Shouldn’t we wait for Miranda?”

Duncan: “I asked her to come by at 7. I thought we should have some time alone.”

Angel: “Why’s that?”

Duncan: “Judging by her reaction when I told her I’d hired you, I’m thinking it might all be a bit awkward. She was hopping mad. [to Angel] You alright working with her?”

Angel: “Fine. Not a problem.”

Cordelia makes a little ‘hm’ noise, which Duncan hears. Angel just gives her a look.

Duncan: “Truth be told, and I hate to say this as we’ve been friends for almost a century, I don’t know that I trust her fully. She seems not quite herself.”

Wesley: [shooting a look over to Angel] “How do you mean?”

Duncan: “Well, for starters, she bloody well tried to kill me the last time we met.”

Angel: [in her defense] “Isn’t that what you do? I thought that was part of the Immortal deal.”

Duncan: [flustered] “Well, yeah, but not us.”

Angel: [deadpan] “But strictly speaking, an Immortal trying to kill another Immortal is not exactly unusual behavior.”

Duncan: [frowning] “Strictly speaking, no. But we do have understandings and Miranda’s never been one to pick a fight. She wasn’t herself, I tell you. Good thing her boyfriend stepped in and talked some sense into her.”

This inspires a very deep frown from Angel.

Wesley: [trying to change the subject] “Why don’t you tell us again what you know about this sword.”

Duncan: “People—other Immortals call it ‘Lucifer’s Sword’. I don’t know why. It’s attained sort of a mythic status—no one’s actually seen it for centuries. Word is that whoever wields it can’t be beaten. No one seems to be clear on its origin. Some say it was stolen from Mount Olympus—or that it was forged by Hephaestos and given to an Immortal bent on hedging his bets come the Gathering.”

Gunn: “That’s the final battle, right? Winner takes all?”

Duncan: “Last one standing gets the Prize”

Gunn: “Still not clear on what that means, exactly.”

Duncan: [shrugs, with a little laugh] “Neither am I. Neither is anyone, but still we fight. We know it’s something big, though, and that it probably ties into humanity’s future.”

Angel: “So this isn’t just Immortal business.”

Wesley: “Whoever gets the sword, wins the Prize.”

Duncan: “Only if the stories are true.”

Gunn: “Just in case, we’d all sleep a bit better knowing that it didn’t go to some wack job Immortal bent on world domination.”

Duncan: “I think that sums it up nicely. We have no way of knowing for sure what the sword’s origin is or even if it has any true power at all. My feeling is that we need to secure the sword and destroy it, regardless, to keep it from falling into the wrong hands because we have too much to lose if the stories are true. The Immortal who last had it was the oldest known—he’d gone a bit mad, poor fellow—driven into isolation by other Immortals’ constant quest to take the sword from him. Joseph knew him. Last time they spoke, the old one had admitted to making arrangements for the sword in the event of his death by other means—[explaining] the wielder of the sword is only unbeatable in battle. As I told you last time we spoke, I’ve had a series of encrypted messages these past weeks, indicating that the sword is on its way here—probably intended for Joseph. I wanted to involve as few Immortals as possible in this, but felt I should bring in Miranda.”

Gunn: “Because she’s on the right side in all this.”

Angel: “Because the sword belongs to her, doesn’t it? She killed Joseph—the sword goes to her.”

Duncan: “Technically, yes. That’s the way we’d worked it out...[pause]...before. But I’m hoping to convince her that it should be destroyed. Who knows what her reaction will be—it was hard enough convincing her to come down here at all. I neglected to mention the ‘destroying’ part.”

**

Begin flashback

Where we left off with Buffy, Miranda and Spike in the Magic Shop. Spike’s just come up from the basement.

Miranda’s cell phone rings. She looks around, rather dubious—who would be calling? Only Spike knows her new number and he’s here. As she’s answering it, Spike says:

Spike: “Forgot to tell you—That Immortal friend of yours, Duncan, called this afternoon. I gave him your number.”

Miranda: “Hello?”

Duncan: “Miranda, thank God. I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for weeks.”

Miranda: “We just got our phone hooked up yesterday. Sorry. Didn’t think you’d be in a rush to get in touch.”

Duncan: “Well, I’m afraid something rather urgent has come up. Immortal business of a critical nature. Critical enough that I’m prepared to put up with your homicidal mood swings. I need you to come down to L.A. right away.”

Miranda: “No.”

Duncan: “What? You haven’t even heard what it’s about yet.”

Miranda: “As far as I’m concerned, L.A. doesn’t exist anymore. Sorry, find someone else.”

Spike gives her a little smile.

Duncan: [deep sigh] “I know this place has terrible memories for you, but believe me, you can’t afford to sit this one out.”

Miranda: “I’m sure you can handle it, Duncan. You’re always on top of these sorts of things.”

Duncan: “I need your help, Miranda. I wouldn’t’ve called if it wasn’t very important.”

Miranda: “Not interested.”

Duncan: “I really didn’t want to discuss this on the phone, but it’s about Lucifer’s Sword.”

Miranda: [This gives her pause for a moment—every Immortal has heard the stories. But she looks over at Spike and shakes it off] “I don’t care if bloody Lucifer himself is in L.A., ripping the city apart piece by piece, I’m not coming down there.”

Buffy: “Lucifer?” [Suddenly paying attention.]

Miranda, gives her a dismissive wave, indicating that she wasn’t being literal. At this point, Buffy quietly leaves through the front door—it’s a bit too awkward to stay.

Duncan: “Don’t you have any sense of duty? Joseph made his decision for a reason—you really going to throw that away?

Miranda: [Her tone changes—Spike notices and looks concerned.] “I guess he made a mistake—I’m not the sort for heroics.”

Duncan: “Is Spike there?”

Miranda: “Yes, why?”

Duncan: “Put him on the phone.”

Miranda: “What? Why do you want to talk to him?”

Duncan: “Miranda, please, just put him on the bloody phone.”

She shrugs and thrusts the phone towards Spike.

Miranda: “He wants to talk to you.”

Confused frown from Spike—he takes the phone.

Spike: “Yeah”

Duncan: “Listen, mate, you seem a pretty reasonable sort. You talked sense into her before in Prague. I can’t go into a lot of details on the phone, but if you care at all about Miranda’s future, you’ll convince her to come down.”

Spike: “You’re going to have to do better than that, mate, to convince me to drag her kicking and screaming back to that hell hole.”

Duncan: “There’s a weapon—powerful enough to defeat any Immortal—on its way here as we speak. If the wrong people get it, the first thing they’re going to do is track down every Immortal in a 100 mile radius and take ‘em out one by one. Powerful as she is now, she wouldn’t have a bloody chance—heck, neither would I. I need her help to make sure that doesn’t happen. Better?”

Spike: [obviously frustrated/conflicted. He doesn’t say anything for a minute. Then, under his breath] “FUCK. It’s like a bloody black hole [to Duncan] Right, we’ll call you back.” [He closes up the phone.]

Miranda: [eyeing him suspiciously] “What?”

Spike: “As much as it pains me to say it, we should go to L.A.”

Miranda: “No fucking way. Sorry. It’s entirely out of the question.”

Spike: [sigh] “It’s a big city, love. Certain places can be avoided.”

Miranda: “How can you even suggest it? I thought we’d agreed that LA was off limits.”

Spike: “Well for you alone, yeah—don’t trust you for a minute in that town. But I’d come with you.”

Miranda: “What if...[her voice gets quiet]...I can’t put you through that.”

She’s thinking about if they ran into Angel—that Spike would feel humiliated because he doesn’t really know the full story at this point—he thinks she left him for Angel and that’s what Angel thinks too...So the thought of him having to be anywhere near Angel just seems too painful to bear.

Spike: “Thought you’d put me in charge of this sort of thing.”

Miranda: [skeptical] “I don’t see how this is 'that' kind of thing at all.”

Spike: “This weapon—you’d heard of it.”

Miranda: [shrugs] “Lucifer’s Sword? Sure—every Immortal has. Doesn’t make it real.”

Spike: “Trust me—I’ve had some experience with this—sometimes the fairy tales aren’t just for the kiddies.” [He’s thinking about the Ring of Amarra.]

Miranda: “So what if it is. [shrugs] We could run if we had to.”

Spike: [He’s plotting—maybe a flash of devlish!Spike.] “Or...consider this. We go to LA and get the sword. That’d make you invincible, right? Least that’s what Duncan made it sound like.”

Miranda: “Well, I suppose in terms of other Immortals it would. But I don’t really care about that anymore.” [She’s made a point that HE is the most important thing to her now.]

Spike: [His voice is soft and low—almost seductive. She’s looking at him curiously.] “Indulge me for just a moment, love. You being inv...unbeatable means you’d never have to live in fear of other Immortals. In fact, one could make the leap that if you possessed such a weapon, you could—if you wanted—use it to secure the elusive Prize that you lot seem to be so fixated on. [He moves closer to her—they lock eyes. He brings his hand up to her face and touches it softly] And what would that mean?”

Miranda: [it’s almost a question] “I could have whatever I wanted. I could change things. Maybe.”

Spike: [in a whisper] “That’s right.”

Miranda: [Leaning into him—engrossed in his stare—full of emotion.] “Should I tell you what I’d wish for?”

Spike: [Smiling—he knows he’s got her. He tilts his heads slightly.] “I already know, pet.”

Miranda: “Guess you’d better call Duncan back then.”

End Flashback.

**

Resume previous scene (back in Duncan’s shop).

Duncan: “I also failed to mention your group’s involvement—hence the subsequent phone tantrum when I called after she’d arrived.”

[Writer’s note: I have a vague memory of having written Miranda’s reaction to finding out she was expected to work with Angel and his crew, but I can’t find it. So I guess I must have left it out. Oh, the trouble with flashbacks—it’s so easy to get lost.]

Wesley: “Any idea why anyone other than an Immortal would be interested in the sword? You’d mentioned demonic monks.”

Duncan: “That’s the main reason why I decided to involve you. I’d heard some disturbing reports from friends in Europe that a group of robed monks had ransacked the old one’s shack. It’s unclear whether or not they were the ones who’d killed him, but nonetheless, they were obviously after the sword. I have no idea why. They could be working for or with one of the Dark Immortals.”

Gunn: “Monks again? [to Angel] Gah, since I started working for you, I can’t look at monks the same way anymore—is it just me, or are they always evil?”

Angel: [deadpan] “Most of the time. Not always.”

Wesley: “And what about these Dark Immortals?”

Gunn: “And don’t be telling me they’re black, else I’m going to have to get all ‘Al Sharpton’ on your ass.”

Duncan: “Just power-hungry, run-of-the-mill evil, basically. Definitely not the sort you’d expect to give a rats ass about the future of mankind. Well, actually, they’d be quite content to put the world to work for them. I’ll give the details of who of that sort is likely to be involved once Miranda gets here. Were you able to find anything out about the monks, based on the description I gave you the other night?”

Wesley: “We’ve narrowed it down to a few possibilities. Gunn has been able to get some information from one of our informants indicating that whoever they are, they’re not working in isolation. So it is likely that they are working for someone—who exactly, we haven’t been able to ascertain for certain. A few ancient artifacts have gone missing from the shops around town that deal in such things. I’m putting together a list to see what they have in common.”

Angel: “A ritual of some sort?”

Wesley: “That would be my guess. Perhaps the sword is the key to it.”

Gunn: “Or the ritual will help them get it.”

Wesley: “There are any number of possibilities.”

Angel: “We’ll keep working on it tonight—hopefully, we’ll have something before the Sword arrives.”

Duncan: “There’s one more thing. Another group we should keep our eyes out for who will go after the sword. Mortals—ex-Watchers. Did Miranda explain the Watchers to you?”

Angel: “She said they don’t interfere.”

Duncan: “These do—a group of radicals bent on controlling the destiny of the Immortals.”

Gunn: “demonic monks, Dark Immortals and radicals—sounds like a party to me.”

Angel: [to Duncan] “We don’t kill humans”

Duncan: [nods] “Hopefully it won’t come to that—if it does, Miranda and I will take responsibility. Speaking of Miranda, she should be here any minute.”

Scene 3

Hotel room, L.A., 6pm Thursday.

Miranda and Spike are asleep on the bed. They’re spooning with Miranda on the outside—her hand is resting on his upper back. She’s the first to stir. Sleepily, she reaches for a watch on the bedside table. Seeing the time, she sighs and pulls the covers off them both. Spike whines a complaint and turns over on his back, blinking wearily.

Miranda: “We’re expected in just over an hour. So much for dinner. [She kisses his shoulder and starts tt out out of bed] I’ll just dive in the shower—that’ll give you another 10 minutes.”

Spike just grunts. But as she steps around to head into the bathroom he grabs her hand to stop her.

Spike: [He rolls over and leans up on his elbow.] “Don’t shower.”

Miranda: [She frowns, an eye-rolley kind of frown. They haven’t showered since they had sex last night.] “I’m not a bloody fire hydrant.”

Spike: [mock incredulous] “You calling me a dog?”

Miranda: “I’m just saying, I’ll have no territory marking today.”

Spike: [letting go of her hand. Defiant.] “Well, I’m not showering.”

Miranda: [big sigh] “This is not going to happen, [scolding] William. Need I remind you how important it is that all goes well this evening? Do you really want to provoke him?”

Spike: [ignoring her questions—casual observation] “You know, you always call me William when you’re angry.”

Miranda: [a bit taken aback by the change of subject, but going with it. Considering] “Well, I suppose it’s easier to inject a bit of tone into ‘William’. You can really get your mouth around it. ‘Spike’, not so much. And it sounds rather silly to scold a ‘Spike’, whereas a ‘William’ is much more likely to have a mother looking after ‘im so it just fits.” [She’s smiling now]

Spike: “I think you should call me William all the time.”

Miranda: [surprised] “What, in front of other people?”

Spike: “Yeah.”

Miranda: [still skeptical] “Seriously?”

Spike: “I like the sound of it when YOU say it.”

Miranda: “Alright. I’ll give it a go, so long as you promise not to change your mind again. [seriously considering it] What about if I’m referring to you in the third person?”

Spike: “Do what you like.”

Miranda: “Fine. But I haven’t forgotten about the shower. [smiling] William.”

Spike: “Go on then.”

Miranda: “We can go together. I’ll wash your hair—give you a nice scalp massage.” [She makes ‘massage’ finger motions.]

Spike: [putting on his bored expression] “Nah—don’t feel like it. Besides, water shortages and everything—bad for the environment.”

Miranda: [reaching in her bag, pulling something out] “I’ve got a loofah” [she waves it cheerily]

Spike: “You’ll have to do better than that, love.”

Miranda: “Can’t we just go for the high road on this? It’s the last thing he’ll expect.”

Spike: “I’m pretty sure there’s an insult buried in there somewhere. What else you got?”

Miranda: [looking anxiously at the clock] “We’re running out of time.”

Spike: “Fine. I’ll be dressed by the time you get out.”

Miranda: [Ok, so it’s a game now. Thinking of something] “I’ll let you shave my legs...[He inadvertently raises an eyebrow]...and if you accidentally were to slip and nick my skin with the razor and there were a few drops of blood, it’d be alright, ‘cause you’d be right there to lick it up and make it better.”

Spike: [mock jealousy] “I see you you want to have smooth legs when we see him, then?”

Miranda: [Sigh. She drops off the nightgown she was wearing. In a more seductive voice.] “The thing is, I may be a bit too tired to reach all the nooks and crannies that need washing—and I’m such a dirty girl. [She starts moving her hands over her body, as if inspecting herself.] Yes, I’ll definitely need some help. Oh, and I’d return the favor, only I might have to use my tongue to reach the places my hands won’t go.”

Spike: [He’s trying hard to keep a straight face] “Sorry, not in the mood.”

Miranda: [She lets out a disbelieving laugh] “Yeah, you might want to have a little talk with certain other parts of your anatomy that are most definitely in the mood.” [She indicates the tent he’s now pitching with the sheet.]

Spike: [looking down; exasperated] “Bloody...[shakes his head and smiles]...the high road it is.” [He gets up and throws Miranda over his shoulder and takes her to the bathroom] “But was that an either/or situation, or do I get all of it?” [She just giggles]

**

Sometime later...

They are finishing getting dressed and are just about to head off.

Spike: “You set?”

Miranda: “Yeah, I think so. D’you mind walking?”

Spike: “Doesn’t matter—I could use some air” [It’s just getting to be dusk. He opens the door.]

Miranda: “Hang on a minute.” [He turns around and Miranda saunters up to him with a bit of a wicked grin. She dives for his neck.]

Spike: “Uh, what do you think you’re doing?”

Miranda: [breaking away from the neck sucking for a moment] “Giving you a love bite.”

Spike: [he leans back and lets her finish] “’think I can learn to like the high road.”

**

Switch scenes: Back at Duncan’s place, where the others are waiting.

Angel: [to Duncan] “So you don’t know who killed the previous holder of the sword?”

Duncan: “No. Like I said, the priests were seen ransacking the place. When they were done, they set it on fire. I think it’s unlikely that they were the ones to kill him. Probably was an Immortal, but haven’t heard anyone taking credit for it yet.”

Gunn: “Are there ever evil nuns? That’s something I wouldn’t mind seeing just for a change. I know I’D be intimidated by the habit.”

Angel: “Let it go, Gunn.”

Gunn: “Just making conversation.”

Wesley: “Actually, evil sects tend to be more egalitarian in that regard. So instead of evil nuns per se, you have evil female priests.” [Glare from Angel for encouraging him.]

Gunn: “Interesting. Progressive evil—who knew?”

*
Switch scenes: Miranda and Spike are leisurely walking down city streets—you can tell neither of them are in much of a hurry.

Miranda: [stopping] “Maybe we should just forget the whole thing and get out of here. They can take care of it.”

Spike: “Keep walking.”

Miranda: “But I really don’t want...”

Spike: “Believe me, I’d rather bury myself in a nest full of fire ants than sit in a room with him, being all smug and superior and lookin’ at you like...[he shudders and doesn’t finish]...but I get the feeling this is important and I think under normal circumstances, you’d be up for it.”

Miranda: “You’re right. Of course you’re right. Under normal circumstances, I’d never walk away. [Deep breath and more walking. After a few minutes.] I’ve been thinking that maybe we should re-visit our original plan of taking the sword. I think we should do whatever Duncan thinks we should do.”

Spike: “And why’s that then?”

Miranda: “The thing is, according to Duncan, the bloke who had the sword before turned into a bit of a crazy hermit after being chased all round the globe for millennia by Immortals trying to get a piece of it. So if I had the sword, maybe the same would be true—it would be a constant fight, with Immortals around every corner trying to steal it. I mean, sure I could kill them all, but that might take centuries and do we really want to live like that until then? Now that we’re together again, I want to have a bit of a normal life for a while and I don’t want it to be all about me. I’m quite ready to be a sidekick.”

Spike: [skeptical] “A sidekick.”

Miranda: “Definitely. After this little hubbub is over, I’d be perfectly content to be known simply as Spike’s girlfriend. [thinking about it for a minute—revising] “Spike’s girlfriend with the fantastic shoes...Spike’s girlfriend with the fantastic shoes, who can kick some serious ass if messed with. Yeah, that’d do.”

Spike: [shaking his head] “I’m thinking the babbling is a good sign.”

Miranda: “I’m feeling a bit better.”

Spike: [he stops and grabs her arm] “Hold up a minute. [She stops and turns to face him.] We’re almost there and just thought I’d say that...we’re good.”

Miranda: [repeating—not quite understanding] “We’re good (?)”

Spike: “Yeah, well, I officially don’t hate you anymore, alright? I get what happened and, uh, it’s Ok now.”

A huge grin crosses Miranda’s face as she leaps on him, wrapping her arms and legs around. She jumps off and steps back.

Miranda: [devlish grin] “And...???”

Spike: “And nothing, lets go.”

Miranda: “Come on, say it.”

Spike: [looking suddenly uncomfortable] “Not here. Later.”

Miranda: [frustrated frown] “Saturday?”

Spike: “Maybe. [beat] Yeah, Saturday.”

Miranda: “My limit was a decade, so I suppose another couple of days won’t kill me.”

Now she’s all smiles as they walk on—she’s practically skipping. They walk by an alley, where it is rather obvious that someone (a woman) is being attacked by something. They completely ignore it and keep talking.

Miranda: “So we’re agreed that we do what Duncan thinks is best. You won’t interfere, no matter what happens?”

Spike: “If that’s what you want.”

Miranda: “Yes. I trust Duncan. I remember now. But I have a funny feeling he might be angry with me for some reason.”

Spike: “Prague?”

Miranda: “No. Something else.”

Crashes from the alley.

Miranda: [getting an idea] “Hang on a minute.”

She casually walks back to the alley, drawing her sword from her coat on the way. Spike is just behind her. She manhandles the vamp who has just cornered the woman and tosses him to Spike to hold. The woman is terrified and now relieved. She’s just about to express her gratitude.

Miranda: [in a rather demanding/harsh voice] “Do you watch Xena?”

Woman: [not sure she heard correctly] “Excuse me?”

Miranda: [impatient] “Do you watch Xena, the televion show? You look like the sort who might.” (The woman is a bit mannish.)

Woman: “No, I...”

Miranda: [disappointed] “Oh. [turning to Spike] You can let him go. Sorry to bother you.”

Woman: “Wait. I do. I watch it.”

Miranda: [annoyed] “Well why didn’t you say so when I asked?”

Woman: “It’s kind of embarrassing—I’m a grown woman.”

Miranda: “That’s just silly. She kicks ass—with a sword—what’s embarrassing about that?”

Woman: [now terrified of Miranda] “Nothing.”

Miranda: “Right then. What happened in the series finale?”

Woman: “I’m not sure I remember. It was a while ago.”

Miranda: “Maybe you’re making it all up—maybe you’ve never seen it. Spike?”

Woman: [afraid, she bursts out] “She dies. Xena dies.”

Miranda: [seriously surprised] “What? That can’t be right.”

Woman: “A samurai cuts her head off.”

Miranda: [quite upset by the news] “That’s certainly a respectably way to go, but they bring her back.”

Woman: “No. I...I don’t remember exactly. Something about her debt being too much to repay in life—she’d killed too many people, so she had to stay dead. I could be wrong—I wasn’t paying that close attention. You know, series finales and all—they’re always a bit weird.”

Miranda thinks about this and leans back against the wall of the alley. The vamp is starting to squirm in Spike’s grip and Miranda tosses him a piece of wood from the trash and Spike quickly dispatches him after a brief fight. When he’s done, they walk out of the ally without saying another word to the woman, who is utterly confused by the whole experience.

Spike: [a bit of a smirk] “For future reference, that was the tiniest bit out of character for you. Not that it wasn’t good for a laugh, but...”

Miranda: [still frowning, distracted] “I don’t see why you have to be nice to someone when you’re saving their ass.”

Spike: “It wasn’t so much the rudeness as the threatening to let the vamp eat her. Personally, I think the whole being nice business is the most off-putting part of the whole hero gig.”

Miranda: “Maybe that should be our thing. We’ll help people as the situation arises, but there’ll be no verbal charity.”

Spike: “Our motto can be ‘We help the useless idiots who are daft enough to get themselves into trouble’”

Miranda: “Just because you’re a victim, doesn’t mean you’re not a fashion disaster or a prat.”

Spike: [looking at a piece of paper] “That’s it up ahead.”

Miranda: “I can’t help but think this is a bad sign.”

Spike: “What is?”

Miranda: “Xena being dead.”

Spike: “She’s a fictional character, love.”

Miranda: [looking worried] “I just have a feeling things aren’t going to go quite as planned.”

They stop for a moment, just a few steps away from Duncan’s shop to have a smoke. Miranda looks particularly uneasy. After a few minutes, she pulls a bottle out of her coat and with it in hand, they exchange a look and enter the shop. There is someone working at a desk at the front of the shop. She instructs Spike and Miranda to follow the hallway to the right to the conference room.

Meanwhile, in the conference room...

Duncan stands up abruptly, frowning. He steps over to where his sword is leaning up against the wall and grabs it.

Angel: [a bit confused by Duncan’s behavior—he’s aware that Immortals sense each other, but Duncan’s specific reaction seems wrong] “Is that Miranda?”

Duncan: “It can’t be. Unless...”

He looks very concerned, but before he can explain, Miranda comes confidently strolling into the room. Before she gets two feet in the door, Duncan is on her, looking pissed as hell. He knocks her down, harshly. The bottle she was holding smashes on the floor. He quickly and pins her with his foot pressed firmly on her neck, pushing the side of her face onto the floor—his sword is pointed down at her threateningly. She looks angry, but doesn’t fight back and raises her hands off the ground in a sort of surrendering motion. As this is happening, Spike walks calmly into the room and doesn’t flinch at Duncan’s attack on Miranda—he’s a cool as punch. Angel, on the other hand, walks menacingly towards Duncan.

Angel: “What the hell’s going on?” [Looking like he’s about to knock Duncan across the room.]

Spike: [stepping between them] “Immortal business, mate. Best to back off.”

Spike then casually walks to the side of the room, where there is a counter and leans against it.

Duncan: “You killed him. You treacherous bitch. I told you where to find him—didn’t think you knew about the sword. [real pain in his voice] Ach, Miranda, what’s got into you?”

Miranda: [Spitting the words, as her face is pressed against the cement floor] “I didn’t do it. Jesus Christ, I can barely breathe.”

Duncan: “I can feel his power in you—you can’t hide it. There’s no other way you could get that much so fast.”

Miranda: “I didn’t kill him, Duncan.”

Angel: [to Duncan, still menacing] “Maybe you should calm down. She said she didn’t kill him.”

Duncan: “Take her sword—it’s in her coat. [forceful] Do it.”

Miranda: [to Angel] “It’s ok. Take it.”

But before Angel moves a muscle, Spike is there, peeling off her leather coat with the sword tucked in the back.

Duncan: [to Spike] “Let me see it.” [Spike unsheathes it and holds it up for Duncan’s inspection.]

Miranda: “I didn’t know he had the bloody sword. Not then.”

Duncan: “So you DID kill him.”

Miranda: “No. I felt it—we were leaving town. I must have been the closest.”

Duncan: “Why should I believe you?”

Miranda: “I’ll prove it to you. Let me up and we’ll discuss it.”

Duncan: “Prove it how?”

Miranda: “Ask Alex—he’ll tell you. He’s probably just outside.”

Duncan: “Who’s Alex?”

Miranda: “My Watcher—he was with us the whole time in Europe.”

Duncan: “You know your Watcher’s name? I thought it was more of a general surveillance thing.”

Miranda: “I can’t believe I know more about this than you—we all have a primary one who follows us. At least that’s how it seems to work with me. Angel, you remember what he looks like—go outside and drag him in here.”

Angel: “You’ll be alright if I go?”

Miranda: “I’ll be fine. Duncan’s not going to kill me.”

Duncan: “Don’t be so sure about that.”

Miranda: [with a bit of attitude] “Oh, please. I’m unarmed and female. I’d have a better chance of getting struck by lightening.”

Duncan frowns. Angel heads out the door.

Miranda: “Well, are you at least going to remove you foot from my neck so I can breath while we wait?”

Duncan: “Not after that last comment.”

But he does take some of the weight off her neck. She uses the opportunity to quickly knock his leg to the side and roll away. She stands up with her hands raised, indicating that she’s not going on the offensive—she merely wanted to make a point that she could get away if she wanted to. He continues to point his sword at her neck. Spike is successfully pretending to look bored. Everyone else just stands in shocked and uncomfortable silence. In a minute, Angel comes back in the room, dragging Alex by his shirt. He tosses him into the center of the room. He stands there, looking very uneasy—he’s not used to someone being able to track him so easily (those damn vamps). He looks different from the last time we saw him—he’s got cool shades and hip clothes and has a more confident air.

Miranda: “Why Alex, you look stunning—moving up in the world, aren’t we?”

Alex: [a little freaked by Miranda talking to him, but kinda proud] “You move up, I move up.”

Miranda: “Am I right that you were with us in Europe—I never actually caught sight of you, but...”

Alex: “I was doing my job.”

Miranda: “Well, then, what was my scorecard?”

Alex: “I’m not supposed to say—not in front of him.” [indicating Duncan]

Miranda: “Duncan and I are having an argument that only you can settle. If you don’t agree, then I’m afraid Duncan might be forced to take my head and you’d be out of a job. Or re-assigned—not sure how that works exactly.”

Alex: [with a touch of attitude/pride] “You could take him.”

Miranda: “Aren’t we getting a bit cocky? I’m quite touched at your confidence in me, but the truth of the situation is, I’m unarmed.” [She holds up her hands.]

Alex: [A look of panic crosses his face—he can’t fathom an existence without Miranda. He looks around nervously.] “Three Immortals, 3 humans and a bunch of other...things.”

Angel: “Humans?”

Miranda: “Rogue watchers—tried to poison me, didn’t they William? [They exchange a knowing look (she’s not going to mention the Immortal’s girlfriend in Glasgow). Alex doesn’t correct her.]

Spike: “’Things’ would be demons of various kinds.”

Alex files away this bit of information. Demons.

Duncan: “Who were the Immortals?”

Alex: [looking for a nod from Miranda] “Gerald in Glasgow, Stefan in Paris, and Illich in Romania.”

Duncan: “You’re sure that’s it?”

Alex: [shifting nervously] “Wins, yes. She received the Quickening from another, but she wasn’t involved in his death.”

Miranda: “Do you know who was?”

Angel: “The priests?”

Miranda: “What priests?”

Alex: “Suicide. [pause] Can I go now?”

Miranda: “Aren’t you just going to go watch us from somewhere else with your surveillance equipment?”

Alex shrugs.

Miranda: [to D] “Satisfied?” [He nods—still floored by the suicide comment.] You can go.”

Alex quickly slips away—Despite his hipper look, he’s much more comfortable with his surveillance equipment than with real people.

Duncan: “Suicide?”

Gunn: “That’s gotta be kinda complicated if you’re an Immortal.”

Cordelia: “Not if you had a Guillotine—he was in France, right? Probably could just pick one up at any flea market.”

Wesley: “Am I right in thinking he likely had an accomplice?”

Duncan: “Maybe.”

Miranda: “Have to say, he wasn’t exactly the picture of sanity when I saw him last.”

Duncan: “So you did meet him?”

Miranda: “Very briefly. When we dropped off Lauryn”

Duncan: “I still can’t believe you just left her there.”

Miranda: “I told you, she was starting to cause trouble and he was the closest. Don’t you feel bad for Lauryn—up until that point, we showed her a right good time, didn’t we William?”

Spike: [smirking knowingly] “I think she left us feeling very…satisfied.”

*
[Writer’s note: Before I started putting this whole story on paper, I'd written a few choice "juicy" scenes to amuse a few friends, one of which involved the story of Lauryn. I'll paste it here, but if you'd rather not break up the scene, feel free to scroll down. It's smut. If you're offended by threesomes, then best to scroll past...]

Begin Flashback.

Miranda and Spike have been cavorting around Europe for a few weeks. Somewhat following the trail of a few Immortals, but with not too much purpose in it. A few nights back, they happened into a bar in Paris and came across a young Immortal woman named Lauryn. She was jumpy and terrified and didn’t know what to make of Miranda. Feeling Miranda’s presence, she nearly bolted from the bar until Miranda re-assured her that she meant no harm. Lauryn explained that she was running from another Immortal—some piece of work named Stefan who had ‘made’ her and decided to ‘keep’ her as his girlfriend. He was a right bastard and for years managed to convince Lauryn that she HAD to stay with him, else he’d let the other Immortals kill her, or kill her himself. She didn’t know any better, so stayed in fear. Finally she took off, hoping to find another to protect her, but he’d been able to find her wherever she went. Feeling Miranda’s presence, she had assumed that he was here now.

Miranda agrees to help her out for a price to be named later. She can travel with Lauryn and Spike until they find Stefan (or more likely Stefan finds them) and Miranda will fight him and kill him. After traveling for a few days, the moment arrives. Stefan and Miranda face off in an alley while Lauryn and Spike look on. After a fairly intense battle, Miranda takes his head and quickly thereafter comes the Quickening. She walks over to them triumphant and filled with energy and excitement. She doesn’t even look at Lauryn, but walks up to Spike and presses herself close against him.

Miranda: “It’s done now, little girl. Do what you like...stay or go. We’ll be upstairs.”

Lauryn looks a bit confused and teary. After a moment, she walks over to the headless corpse and after a moment, kicks it hard and follows them towards the hotel.

Lauryn: “Is it all right if I stay the night? I don’t really have anywhere else to go."

Spike and Miranda are all over each other as they slowly make forward progress. Spike replies:

Spike: “As you like. But you might have trouble sleeping—we won’t be quiet.”

The Quickening always makes Miranda EXTREMELY aroused. They get to the room and Miranda and Spike are grabbing at each other greedily as they make their way clumsily to the bed. Lauryn looks on as their passion for each other ignites—the room itself feels hot. Miranda pulls away for a second...

Miranda: “Wait. I want to wash my hands—they’re covered in earth."

She turns and walks towards the bathroom; Spike clings to her, his front to her back, his hands rubbing across her breasts. When they emerge from the bathroom, Lauryn is sitting on the bed looking a bit nervous (or excited?). They stop for a moment and notice her. She says timidly...

Lauryn: [timid] “I don’t suppose...I could join you? I’ve heard you. [beat] I’d like to be a part of it...Maybe, like celebrating, together.” [It’s almost a question]

Miranda and Spike exchange a glance. Miranda looks at Spike; she can tell he’s up for it, but won’t let on until she gives some signal of approval. Miranda gives a small shrug and in a motion conveys to Spike that she’s game.

Miranda: “All right, then.” Miranda says with a smirk. “Group celebration it is."

They move towards Lauryn. Miranda reaches her hand out indicating that Lauryn should stand up next to them. Lauryn’s breath quickens as she blurts nervously...

Lauryn: “I’ve never done this before. I’ve only been with Stefan and he was never very...uh...[she’s searching for the right word]..interested in my feelings. It’s all I’ve known. But hearing you two...that can’t have been it.”

Miranda purrs…

Miranda: “Poor little girl. Missing so much fun. Spike and I’ll show you what it’s all about.” [She turns quickly to face Spike.] “Shall I start, luv?”

He grins. Miranda pulls Lauryn close to her (Spike is still behind Miranda, running his hands over her back and shoulders). She brushes the hair away from Lauryn’s face and moves in for a soft kiss on the lips. They kiss more deeply and Miranda puts her hand behind Lauryn’s neck to draw her in closer. She pushes her gently toward the bed, indicating that she should lie down. Miranda moves towards her and kisses her again as she unbuttons Lauryn’s blouse (Miranda is on all fours next to Lauryn who is on her back). Spike unbuttons Miranda’s blouse as she does this. Miranda leans in and begins to kiss Lauryn’s neck and gently rub her breasts. Lauryn is very petite; slender with small perky breasts. Miranda moves her kisses slowly downward across Lauryn’s stomach. She looks up and coos...

Miranda: “How’s that? Just relax.”

Lauryn’s breathing is slightly unsteady...maybe nerves, maybe excitement. Miranda is now lying next to Lauryn. She puts her mouth around Lauryn’s nipple and moves her hand down slowly, hesitating at her belly button for a moment...then reaching down into her pants. Lauryn sharply takes in a breath and tenses slightly in response to the touch.

Miranda: “Shhhh...”

Miranda undoes Lauryn’s pants and moves to the end of the bed to pull them off. Miranda is still in her bra and pants. Just as Miranda gets the pants pulled off, Spike grabs her, turns her around and kisses her, pressing her back between Lauryn’s legs. He leans into Miranda as she takes his shirt off and runs her hands across his neck. She can feel him bulging in his pants as he presses himself to her. She pulls away for a moment and whispers...

Miranda: “Your turn in a minute love. I want to see what I can manage here first.”

She glances back towards Lauryn, who is now breathing heavily. She turns and pulls down Lauryn’s panties as Spike works to undo and remove her pants. Miranda moves in between Lauryn’s legs and parts her lips with her tongue. Lauryn moans in delight as Miranda moves her tongue gently. This is too much for Spike, who quickly undoes his own pants.

Spike: “Sorry, can’t wait...too much (he pants)...Just a quick release and I’ll be ready for her when you’re done.”

He positions Miranda, not forcing her to stop what she’s doing and enters her from behind. All three gasp at this. Miranda has been about ready to go since they GOT to the room, so with Spike’s steady thrusting, she quickly is overwhelmed. She stops what she’s doing and rests her cheek on Lauryn’s belly as she clenches the sheet tightly and whines in delight, coming forcefully. Her clenching quickly brings Spike to the breaking point and he, too releases into her with a groan. Breathing heavily, Miranda says to Lauryn.

Miranda: “Sorry. Got a bit carried away and we forgot someone.”

She rolls onto her side and reaches her fingers downward between Lauryn’s now very wet lips and starts to move them rhythmically across her clit. Lauryn isn’t used to the feeling and so isn’t quite sure how to respond. It feels good, but she doesn’t really understand where it’s going. Spike has removed the last of Miranda’s clothing and is caressing her gently as she caresses Lauryn. They’re all three on the bed now. Lauryn is starting to move against Miranda’s hand; she’s getting the rhythm and finding out exactly where it feels best. Miranda pushes a couple of fingers into her vagina and Lauryn tenses slightly

Miranda: “Poor girl. It’s alright...it’s good.”

She pulls her fingers out and goes back to the gentle caressing. Lauryn is looking at Spike and it’s rather obvious what she wants. Miranda moves over to the other side of Lauryn, so that Spike is on one side and Miranda on the other. Spike starts to kiss Lauryn, first gently on her lips (as his hands move across her chest and up towards her neck) and then softly down her neck. He moves in closer and kisses her more urgently on the lips. Miranda is watching them and pulls her hand away, replacing it with Spike’s. Lauryn is actively feeling Spike’s body now with one hand...the other is touching Miranda’s breast. Miranda leans in to kiss Lauryn just as Spike takes a breath and then Spike and Miranda kiss in front of Lauryn’s face. Miranda rolls away slightly, watching Spike and Lauryn kiss. Spike is rock hard and ready to go again, but looks up to Miranda, not sure if it’s OK to go to the next level with Lauryn. Miranda whispers in Lauryn’s ear...

Miranda: “Spike’s going to take care of you now, pet. He knows how to make you feel ecstasy.”

With this and a passing look of approval between Spike and Miranda, Spike rolls over on top of Lauryn, rubbing himself against her naked body. She grasps her arms around his back and spreads her legs, inviting him in. He enters her gently; she responds with a high pitched moan and an intake of breath. He thrusts slowly at first, gauging her response. He takes her right leg and lifts it up around him...she moves her other leg so that her ankles are crossed behind his back. As they move together, the intensity growing, Miranda licks her finger and carefully moves her hand between them. She gently massages Lauryn’s clit in rhythm with the motion of Spike’s thrusting. Lauryn begins to moan loudly now; her breathing becoming more shallow. Her moan turns to a whimper as she starts to dig her nails into Spike’s back. They pick up the pace. Soon Lauryn closes her eyes, thrusts her head back as her back arches; she lets out a prolonged groan and then begins gasping "oh god, oh god, oh god", followed by a surprised shriek at the intensity of the wondrous pulsing between her legs, unlike anything she'd ever felt before. After a few seconds lost in euphoria, she relaxes and a smile creeps across her face...contentment.

Spike: “I think we have a winner.” [He says with a dirty little smile as he pulls out of her, not quite finished himself.] “But I think I’d like to have another go with you, my sweet.”

He grins at Miranda and pulls her on top of Lauryn, her back is resting on Lauryn’s pelvis, who doesn’t seem to mind. He comfortably moves into her as they kiss lovin For For some reason she can’t quite articulate, Miranda is pleased that he didn’t come inside Lauryn. The thrusting becomes quite vigorous now. Spike licks his thumb and presses it firmly against her clit as he moves in and out of her. She responds instantly...

Miranda: “Well if you keep doing that, I won’t last much longer.” [She breathes with a slight giggle of pleasure.]

Spike: “Can’t think of a good reason for you to ‘last’. Am I missing something?” [He replies, teasingly.]

A few more thrusts and they’re both right on the edge. With his free hand, he grasps her breast roughly as he picks up the pace. She grabs him and pulls him hard into her. As the feeling envelopes her, she bites him hard on the shoulde the the pulsing starts. She bites so hard, it draws a bit of blood...he moans loudly and with one more deep thrust, shoots into her. He collapses and they make a bit of a pile on the bed. Lauryn is stroking Miranda’s hair as they lay there in silence for a moment.

Spike: “Well, that was fun. Anyone up for a snack? I’m feeling a bit peckish.” [He gives Miranda a knowing look]

They spend a bit more time together after that night, but soon Lauryn begins to show too much of an interest in Spike and Miranda gets terribly jealous and decides rather abruptly that it's time to go their separate ways.

End flashback
**

Duncan: “Well she obviously didn’t have a positive effect on his mental state.”

Miranda: “Pshaw.”

Duncan: “How long between then and the Quickening?”

Miranda: “I don’t know—maybe a couple of weeks. We were passing close by on our way somewhere else and I did feel the tiniest bit guilty, so we decided to swing a bit closer to see how they were getting on. Obviously, she must have already left.”

Duncan: [skeptical] “Seems a bit convenient.”

Miranda: [shrugs] “Iunno. Someone had been following us that last night around town. Didn’t think much of it. Figured it was his Watcher or something. [beat] So could we start over, you think? I had this brilliant little speech about us all being adults and putting the past behind us, blah blah blah—oh, and I think there was clever line about us having almost a thousand years between us—related to us being adults and all. [trying to be cheery] I brought whiskey.”

Cordelia: “Ah, so THAT would be the foul smelling liquid currently spreading across the floor. Ick.”

She steps away from the stream coming from the broken bottle.

Angel: “Is drinking really appropriate considering the situation? We’ve got a lot of planning to do.”

Miranda: [eye-roll. Not looking at him—throughout this entire scene, Miranda never looks at Angel directly, even when she’s speaking to him)] “It’s meant for after we succeed. Traditionally, having the bottle in hand before the battle is viewed as good luck.”

They all look at the broken bottle on the floor for a moment, frowning. Gunn is about to say something, but Wesley gives him a look. Better left unsaid.

Duncan: “Maybe we SHOULD start again. [Pretending he’s seeing her for the first time.] Miranda—you’re looking well.” [He gives her a greeting kiss on the cheek.]

Miranda: [smiling warmly] “Hello, Duncan. Sorry about Prague—I’ve been rather moody lately.”

Duncan: [Looking at her bare arm] “What’s with the tattoos?”

Miranda: [Glancing in Angel’s direction, but still not making eye contact] “Heroine chic, darling. All the kids are doing it. You should see William’s.”

Angel: [angry/annoyed voice] “Speaking of Spike, mind telling me why you brought him along? This is supposed to be strictly business.”

Miranda: [casual shrug] “William does what he likes.”

Spike: “Miranda has a tendency to lose her mind whenever she comes to L.A., so for sanity’s sake I thought it would be best to tag along this time.”

Angel: “Maybe what she loses is dead weight.”

Spike: [still totally cool] “Oooh glass houses, mate.”

Miranda: “I seem to remember losing something in L.A. last time—now, what was that again?”

Duncan: [interrupting what looks like an escalating situation] “Perhaps we should get started. I brought a map of the docks where I think the sword will be arriving.”

Duncan, Angel, Miranda, Wes and Gunn all move towards the table where Duncan unfolds a map. He starts explaining things and bringing Miranda up to date on what they had been talking about before she arrived. Spike and Cordelia hang in the background.

Cordelia: [eyeing Spike] “You look different. Are you taller?”

Spike: [deeply sarcastic] “Yeah, Cordelia—after a hundred years of being dead, I just had a growth spurt. I HAVE been eating my Wheatabix.”

Cordelia: [Can’t stop looking at him] “There’s definitely something. [Looking more closely at his skin] Are you tan? [He just shakes his head] Different color...bleach?oredored contacts? I really think you must’ve grown—I remember you being really kinda small and...”

Miranda: [Overhearing, she breaks away from the ‘planning’ for just a moment.] “For goodness sake, Cordelia, he’s wearing Armani. [under her breath] The girl is like a bloodhound for expensive apparel.”

Cordelia: [surprised] “That’s it. [giving him another once-over] Armani casual. Hm.”

Spike: [getting annoyed] “Will you stop?”

The others are peering over the map. Miranda is careful to never be next to Angel—she keeps Duncan in between at all times. Cordelia wanders over to see what they’re looking at. Miranda points to something on the map—Angel stares at her hand. Specifically, a ring on her left ring finger catches his eye.

Cordelia: [Noticing the ring at the same time.] “Oooh, that’s pretty.” [The ring is platinum with a wide square of black onyx with a square diamond set in the center (tilted 45 degrees). The band has a narrow band of black onyx as well, with tiny diamond chips.]

Miranda: [stretching her hand out to admire it] “I think it’s the prettiest ring I’ve ever owned.”

Cordelia: “Seriously? Huh. I’ve never seen anything like it. Where did you find it?”

Miranda: [smirking slightly] “You’ll have to ask Spike.”

Cordelia turns to Spike.

Spike: “It’s an antique.”

Angel: [under his breath] “Probably lifted it off a corpse—that’s romantic. [Quickly changing the subject. To Duncan:] “So you’re sure it’s coming in on the 11 o’clock freighter arriving at dock 20?”

Duncan: “‘Sure’ might be too strong a word, but it fits with all of the information I’ve had so far. I’ll get the final details tomorrow evening.”

Miranda: “So what Immortals do you expect to show? You said you’d been able to dig up a few names of likely challengers.”

Duncan: “There’s just three that I know of for sure. A real piece of work named Trachys, another called Gaelin and uh...a third called Licia.”

Miranda: [shock] “Licia? Am I mistaken, or is that a girl’s name?”

Duncan: “Yeah, so?”

Miranda: “Hm. This is getting more interesting all the time. Is she a fighter or a girlfriend?”

Duncan: [Tiniest bit flustered—like he’s hiding something] “She can fight.”

Miranda: [eyes lighting up] “I’ve never fought another female Immortal before. She’s mine.”

Duncan: “Hang on a minute, we don’t know there’s going to be any fighting.”

Miranda: “Of course we’re going to fight. We’re sure as hell not meeting for a picnic. I’ve heard you talk about Gaelin and Trachys before—they’re not the sort to work through conflicts over tea from what I understand. And if Licia’s with them...”

Duncan: “She might not realize what she’s gotten herself into. We all might be able to keep our heads.”

Gunn: [smiling] “Figuratively AND literally, in this case.”

Miranda: [realizing something. To Duncan.] “You’ve slept with her, haven’t you?”

Duncan: “I don’t see what that has to do...”

Mir: [s: [stern] “Duncan.”

Duncan: “Yeah, well, maybe we had a thing a while back. I still don’t see...”

Miranda: [almost laughing] “Honestly Duncan, aside from me, is there a female Immortal you HAVEN'T slept with?”

Duncan: [At first, he looks all defensive, but then a wry grin crosses his face.] “There’s more popping up every day.”

Miranda: [smiling and shaking her head] “Well, there’ll always be me, I suppose. Something to count on for all eternity. Regardless, that settles it. She’s mine. You men are useless when it comes to dealing with ex’s and I won’t have your sentimentality jeopardizing our mission. Agreed?”

Duncan: “Fine. Although I do take issue with ‘useless’”

Miranda: [looking around the room] “Would you like me to start naming names, boys?”

They all look slightly uncomfortable.

Cordelia: “I think they get it.”

Angel: “Are the three working together?”

Duncan: “No. Gaelin and Trachys are rivals. Licia and Gaelin are an item, though. Not that Immortal relationships are ever a guarantee of anything.”

Miranda: [sarcastic] “We’re a real romantic lot.”

Gunn: “Yeah, I get that vibe.”

They continue to discuss plans for keeping the sword away from the Immortals, the priests and the rogue watchers. Spike is in the background listening in, but not actually participating. They work out a tentative plan involving a decoy [sorry, can’t be bothered to come up with the details right now]. Spike lets out a loud sigh/noise of dissatisfaction.

Angel: [turning to Spike, annoyed]at?”at?”

Spike: “It’s a stupid plan—if it works, it’ll be shear luck.”

Angel just shakes his head. Duncan looks concerned.

Duncan: “You have something better to suggest?”

Spike: [shrugs and starts walking over to the map] “They’ll be expecting a decoy. Instead of having one box with the decoy and Duncan carrying the real one, have two decoys in two boxes. They’ll assume one is the real one and it will tie up at least one or more groups while they figure it out. You have Miranda carrying the real sword, because you know they’ll assume that Duncan has it once they figure out that the boxes are both fakes—from what I hear, Immortals aren’t the most progressive lot when it comes to equal rights and won’t think that Duncan would trust a bird with it. You have someone over here (pointing at the map) keeping an eye on the priests, as they’ll be over doing some sort of hocus pocus. [shrugging] The rest of it’s [their plan] alright, I guess.”

Angel: “Maybe I should have the sword—even less likely they’d find it first off.”

Duncan: “The sword should be with one of us Immortals). I think Spike’s right that they’ll figure I have it. At the very least it could buy us some time.”

Miranda is beaming with pride as she looks at Spike. They work on the details a bit more.

Gunn: “So the immediate plan is to take the sword directly to the church on Alexander Street.”

Wesley: “I think there’s another over on Broad Street, a few blocks to the west.”

Duncan: “We’ll still need to be careful, as the Watchers will follow us in—they don’t respect the holy-ground mandate.”

Miranda: “Just so you know, I can’t go in.”

Duncan: “Go in where?”

Miranda: “To the churches.”

Duncan: [crinkling his face in disbelief] “I don’t know what you mean by that—you won’t go in?”

Miranda: “Not won’t—can’t.”

an: an: “Why?”

Miranda: “You want to field that one, Angel?”

Angel: [Frowning. Not explaining] “There’s a graveyard about a half mile north—she can retreat there.”

Duncan: [confused] “Whatever.”

Miranda: “So what then? What becomes of the sword once we get it?”

Duncan: “IF we get it. It was meant for Joseph, so...”

Spike: [to Miranda] “It’s yours, love. [to Duncan] Am I right? Line of succession or some such bollocks?”

Duncan: [concerned look] “Yes, technically, it belongs to Miranda.”

Miranda: “Isn’t that splendid. And to think we wasted all that time trying to figure out how to take it. [Catching herself, laughing.] Oops, did I just say that out loud?”

Duncan: [sigh—worried] “I’d like you to consider helping me destroy it. I think it would be best for everyone.”

Miranda: [a bit petulant] “Certainly best for you.”

Duncan: [about to plead the case] “Miranda, I...”

Miranda: “Don’t get your knickers in a twist, Duncan. I’d already decided to take your advice. Whatever you think is best.”

Duncan: [seriously relieved] “Good. So we’re agreed. We destroy it.”

Miranda: [like a little kid asking for ice cream] “Oh, but can I at least use it to kill any others who show up? I’ll split them with you if you like.”

Duncan: [frown] “We’ll see.”

He can’t help but sense that Miranda is different from the woman he’s known for so many years—at the core, she’s the same, but so changeable and just “off” somehow. He doesn’t understand what’s happened, but it makes him a bit sad and worried—mostly for her safety.

Wesley: “Do you know how to destroy the sword?”

Duncan: “Not ‘till I get a good look at it. Hopefully, we’ll be able to just melt it down.”

Wesley: “I can bring a few books I have on ancient weaponry. We can do some research once we’re secure in the church.”

They discuss a few more details and then disperse for the night. They agree to meet the next day after sunset.

Miranda: “Well, then. I don’t know about anyone else, but I think tomorrow is going to be a right barrel of laughs.”

Gunn: “See there? Optimism. I like that.”

Miranda: “On other hand, the broken bottle and Xena’s untimely demise speak otherwise.”

Gunn: “Xena?”

Spike: “Don’t ask.”

Miranda and Spike head out first. Duncan stays in the conference room. Gunn, Wesley, Cordelia and Angel walk out to the shop area.

Angel: “You guys go on ahead. I'd rather walk back.”

Wesley nods; they can tell seeing Miranda was hard on him.

Cordelia: “Guys, I’ll catch up. [She stays behind while the others leave through the front door. She’s genuinely concerned] Hey, are you okay?”

Angel: [shrugs] “I guess so. [not] I mean, I don’t know what I was expecting. This wasn’t it. [pause for silent brooding] She wouldn’t even look at me.”

Cordelia: [understanding] “Speaking from experience, sometimes it’s a lot easier to be a bitch in these situations. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t care. Try not to take it too personally.”

Angel: [he just frowns/shrugs] “You should get going—those shoes don’t really look like they’re up for the walk back.”

Cordelia: “You going to be alright?”

Angel: “Yeah. I just need some air. [pause] Thanks.”

She leaves. He stands there for a moment and then quickly heads out the door.