Becoming

Chapter 2
Acceptance


Xander paced frantically in his apartment, listening to the murmuring inside his bedroom, Buffy and the others had come running at his screams and found him cradling Spike, sobbing that he was dead. He had been convinced in that moment that he had missed his chance, forget the fact that he had decided a hundred times over that he would never tell Spike how he felt, when he thought he had lost that opportunity he was heartbroken. When Giles had quietly assured him that no matter how a vampire dies they always turn to dust and given that Spike was most definitely not a pile of dust it was more likely that he was just gravely injured, both from the fighting, his fall from the top of the tower after stopping Glory from reaching Dawn long enough for Buffy to make it up there with no weapons and basically just letting the hell bitch beat him down and then the internal damage done by the chip.
No-one had said anything about Xander’s reaction but he knew that they were all puzzled, all except for Tara that is who had simply gently extricated herself from Willow’s tight embrace and moved to hug Xander. Xander had insisted that they move Spike to his place whilst they waited for him to regain consciousness, Giles had warned that it may take some time, explaining that Spike was likely in some sort of vampire coma, something they only did when their injuries were so severe that to be awake and aware of them was impossible for the body and mind to handle.


When they had gotten Spike settled he had been amazed at Buffy’s response, he knew that she was grateful to the vampire for his loyalty to her and Dawn but when she announced that ‘those government assholes put the thing in, they can bloody well take it out” and that she was going to track down Riley and get him to send someone to them he was stunned. Dawn and Willow had taken on mother-hen type roles and kept trying to force cups of hot sweet tea at him, he had ignored everything they put in front of him until Giles sat next to him and produced a flask much like the one Spike carried with him, “as much as I love a nice cup of tea I think the occasion calls for something a touch stronger don’t you” he had said quietly, tipping a more than healthy measure of whatever it was in the flask into his and Xander’s cups before nodding to Xander and encouraging him to drink. Xander had done so and winced at the slight burn from the whiskey Giles had added, however he felt it clear him a little and he began to realise that everyone was treating him like the grieving family member. Confused he glanced around, Giles was talking quietly on the phone in the kitchen whilst Dawn and Willow bustled about, he thought they might be cooking something. Buffy was talking not so quietly on the phone in the hallway, her and established authority had never really mixed well. He looked for Tara and saw her slip quietly out of the bedroom where Spike now lay, she saw him alone and sat next to him, apparently unconcerned that she was still in her pyjamas and had been since recovering her mind in the middle of battle.


“They all care you know,” she said quietly, “but they care more because you do”. Xander started, his immediate response to deny that he had any feelings for Spike “I can see aura’s you know” Tara continued “yours has always fascinated me, it’s almost pure white, little flecks of colour in it, representing your main characteristics, lots of green, blue and yellow showing your loyalty, compassion and understanding, your overwhelming capacity to love. However, I never saw red until you realised and accepted your love for Spike” seeing the look of distress that Xander knew was on his face she hurriedly said “red doesn’t mean anything bad Xander, at least not the red I see, it’s clear Xander, it means you love someone with an all encompassing passion. You should tell him” she started to stand “his aura has changed too” she added cryptically before moving to the kitchen to speak to Willow.


Xander thought for a few moments before allowing a small smile, Spike had as good as said that he felt something for Xander, what exactly he wasn’t sure of but anything was better than nothing. He wondered what he was doing out here instead of being in there, holding Spike’s hand and making sure he was the first thing Spike saw when he opened his eyes. He stood and moved to the bedroom door, before he could enter however Buffy appeared “Xander, I’ve been trying to track down Riley, of course the fact that he works for a government agency that the government denies exists is making it a little tricky but I think I’ve managed to leave messages with the right people. But I’ve been thinking, you know when Druscilla was ill and Spike got Angel’s blood to cure her? What if we could do the same thing?” Xander felt his heart rate increase, Druscilla had dumped Spike so probably wouldn’t even come to help, and if she did? Spike would probably fall in love with her all over again and they’d ride off into the sunset. He forced himself to listen to what Buffy was still saying, if it meant losing Spike but saving his life he’d do anything “I mean we don’t have the time or resources to track down Druscilla but Angel is her Sire, I was thinking it’s worth a shot right? I could call him, if you want?” his heart rate slowed, Angel, Angel was better than Druscilla, but would he bother to help Spike? “Yeah, Buffy that’s a great idea. I mean even if Angel thinks it wont work he might have some idea as to what’s going on” Nodding Buffy moved away to call him, turning back to Xander she added “Oh, and Xander? Don’t think that I’m not going to rip you about falling in love with a vampire after all the ragging you gave me over Angel, but… he’s a good man Xander. No matter what he’s done in the past that’s exactly what it is, the past. I think he really cares for you and if there’s one thing I remember from that spell Willow accidentally cast it’s that when he loves you it’s all or nothing. He’d do anything for you. I want you to have that Xander and if you think you can have it with Spike then, go for it OK?” flashing him a blinding smile she turned and started to dial. Xander gripped the doorhandle and entered the darkened bedroom.