Dawn's Fine

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or the setting of the story. As far as I know, Dawn Summers and all things I borrowed from the Buffyverse are a creation of and belong to Joss Whedon, and Milton Fine belongs to the creators of the Superman comics, and Warner Bros and whoever else owns "Smallville".

Timeline – Between "Arrival" and "Splinter" (Smallville), post Chosen (Buffy, the Vampire Slayer), post NFA (Angel)
Rating: PG13

Chapter 2


Dear Diary,

I'm still shaking. It's been eight months since Spike died for the last time, in LA. Since his Sunnydale death, I've been tittering on the brink of denial. I tried so hard to NOT think about him. My teenage crush on him had turned to ashes long before he and Buffy ended their secret affair so messily and so publicly. I tried to keep hating him for hurting Buffy, but I always knew he never could have really hurt her. She'd beat the crap out of him even in her off days. I guess I hated him because he had tried to hurt her. I stopped hating him when he came back. My hero. My dark, shadowy hero.

My last thought at the sight of Sunnydale caving in was about Mom. The thought before that, was Spike. Never got to tell him any of this. That I still cared about him. That I was glad he was back. That I was proud that he got his soul back.
When he died again with Angel and the others, I simply refused the pain. For eight months, I ran away from it. And today, in the middle of frigging Kansas, in what should've been my very boring lecture on Ancient History, there he was. SPIKE. Not bleach blonde. Without an English accent. Without the blood habit (presumably). My professor is the living image of the man Spike never had the chance to grow into.

I'm surprised that my heart didn’t explode. I tried to focus on the differences so I wouldn't run out of the classroom screaming in pain.

I never realized how much I missed him, until professor Fine walked into that classroom.
He's looking for a research assistant. Couldn't help myself. I applied for the job then and there. I want it so bad. And not just because I'd get to spend more time with him. It's a great opportunity to work for……….. I'm lying. Just to be with him. Hell, even if I don't get it, the minutes I got to spend so close to him will always be precious. It was like having Spike back for a while. Like having Spike truly alive.

My hands are shaking so bad, and I'm sniffling something awful. I managed to write this after a bawling session that rocked the dorm. And it looks like it's time for another one.

It hurts so damn much.

Spike…..

I miss you.

My friend.

~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Diary,

"Ancient History" rocks!

Caveat – if I don't look at Prof. Fine, and just concentrate on his voice, on his Californian accent (it's weird that as a Californian myself, I find his accent strange, instead of familiar. It almost grates because it’s not English). Okaaay, so if I do that, I LOVE his class.

Prof. Fine is just about awesome. He has a way of talking about history that it seems more fascinating than an action-adventure movie.

He said today that by the end of the week he's going to make his decision who's going to be his research assistant. I thought he looked at me when he said that, but there's no way I can be sure of that since I nearly passed out when we I made the mistake to look at his face.

I hope there's a special kind of heaven for you, Spike.


~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Diary,

I got the job!!!! I GOT THE JOB!!!!

Prof. Fine told me today that he picked me as one of his research assistants. I'm going to meet him later to get my first assignment. I'm so psyched! It's a cool job and he's such a cool teacher. This whole college thing may turn out to be even better that I expected.


~~~~~~~~~~


Dear Diary,

Do you remember my bold statement that my crush on Spike was long over? Well, you can slap a "stupid bint" sticker on my forehead because it's back with a vengeance.

I had a meeting with Prof. Fine and his other assistant. I was listening to Clark's account of what he had dug up on LutherCorp, and I was looking at him thinking that the boy is damn near perfect. Didn’t want to stare, so I let my eyes wonder around the room, and guess what? I did the one thing I made great efforts to avoid. I looked directly at Prof. Fine. He was looking at me.

He wasn’t ogling me, or checking me out, or undressing me with his eyes. He was studying me. The way I usually have to force myself NOT to look at him. Like he's the most amazing thing in the whole wide world.
It took a split second to fall tumbling back in love. Still, I have to wonder if this is only a rehash of my crush on Spike, or I would've fallen for this man even if I had never met Spike.

All in all, I managed to complicate my life all over again.

Cause it wasn't difficult enough to hold back the tears when the pain of losing Spike hit me. It wasn't difficult enough that I sometimes have to bite my tongue so that I don't reply to my professor as if he were a 150yo vampire who had sex with my sister and saved my life more than once. Nope. Not difficult enough. Now I have to soak my panties every time I look at my professor or when I hear his voice. Damn!

When he handed me a book earlier today – after the critical moment – his fingers brushed on my skin and my knees nearly buckled. This is just unfair!

On top of everything else, even if by some miracle the guy is attracted to me, we wouldn't be allowed to do anything about it because of the whole student/teacher thing. He could lose his job, I'd be expelled. So, on top of all his qualities (and it’s a looong list of them), he's also taboo. In true Summers' fashion, this makes me want him even more.

Dear God, I'm getting wet just thinking about him! I'm going to have to end this "chapter" in order of take care of business with my own hand.

To be continued…