Protective Custody (1/20)COMPLETE

(Disclaimer: We own nothing. Joss owns all. You know the drill.)


Spike had no idea how long he'd been shivering on the cold floor in the fetal position. At first, he'd tried to get up on his own, but found his legs wouldn't hold him. Worse than a bleeding newborn colt is how the PTB had left him.

Turning his head slightly, he saw him - Xander looking wide-eyed and open-mouthed. "Well? Are you going to stand there and look at me, or be useful and help me up? And it wouldn't hurt if you invested in a heater and didn't freeze your guests' arses off, yeah?"

Xander just stood there, staring at Spike.

"You're...you're dead!" He finally stammered out, reaching out to poke him. After the whole business with The First he wasn't taking any chances. His finger met warm flesh and he realised that Spike was comfortingly solid. A second later Xander's hellmouth training took over. When something weird happens, just take it in stride.

"Please don't tell me it's another apocalypse!" He said, heading for the bedroom. "I'll get you a blanket and help you up but only if you promise me it's not another apocalypse." He added, grabbing the quilt from the bed. Taking things in stride was all well and good but he was not about to look at naked Spike longer than absolutely necessary.

"Feels like another apocalypse." Spike made one last face saving effort to get up on his own, but ended up banging his head on the hardwood floor when his energy ran out. "Not supposed to be dead yet, that's all that cryptic woman in a child's body would say. When have the Powers That Be ever been direct?" Not that he'd ever faced them before. All his jealousy about Angel having an "in" with them had been so wasted. Why did it take him this long to find out?

Xander came back to the room just in time to see Spike bang his head on the floor. He rolled his eye at Spike's obstinacy and wrapped the quilt around his shoulders. "Here, grab hold of my arms and I'll lift you to the couch, okay? What the hell happened to you anyway?"

"I'm ba-ack," he said in his best 'child from Poltergeist' film voice. Well, the one who'd sent him back here had looked like the girl from the film. Spike reached out for Xander, and pulled himself up, not really caring whether the blanket stayed put or slid off his frame.

Eyes focused on the couch, he did his best to walk toward it without his legs going out from under him. "Learning to be human isn't all I'd hoped for, yeah?" He stopped, gripping Xander's shoulder, he took a break. The sofa was only a few feet away.

Frustration showed in his face, but he tried to cover by pretending to want to explain. "You're supposed to help me get back on my feet. A few days, then I'll be out of here," he promised. If that little PtB chit thought it would take him weeks, she didn't know him. "And you're to do everything I say during that time." Rules were made to be broken, amended, fixed and improved... that was all Spike was doing.

“They did not put you in charge! I don’t think even the Wankers That Be would be that stupid. And hey, how come I get stuck with you!”

As he was speaking, Xander put his arm around Spike’s waist, taking more of his weight and holding him up. “How the hell am I supposed to teach you to be human anyway?” He asked harshly, keeping his eye facing forward. The damn blanket had slipped and now Spike’s left side was in full view. What was worse was that Xander’s hand was resting on warm, silky skin.

Spike glanced down at Xander's hand, then at his face. The boy's discomfort wasn't hard to read. Something akin to a smile spread over his face for the first time since he'd been incinerated. "Fetch me food and drink, help me move around until my legs get stronger, do something about getting me clothes, preferably leather, yeah?" Another step and he was being lowered onto the couch. He couldn't help it if a small grunt of pain escaped him, though it was beyond him why he hurt all over. "You do have a telly?"

“Yes Spike, I do have a telly. Now shut up and let me think. I’ll get you some sweats for now and I’m calling Willow. No offence, but I wanna make sure you’re you and not some kind of demony thing.” Xander didn’t bother hiding his exasperation. “Oh, and for the record? I am not your personal servant. You wanna learn how to be human? Fine. You can start by learning how to feed and clothe your own self.”

Xander glared at Spike and grabbed the phone from the coffee table.

"Sweats... I'm not wearing bloody sweats!" He glared right back at Xander. "You'll get me proper clothes, like you're supposed to, or you'll be staring at me like this until you do," he threatened, sensing how much his nudity set Xander on edge. Poor repressed humans. At least that was one human quality that wouldn't be foisted on him.

Xander let out a long-suffering sigh. “Fine. Stay naked. Catch pneumonia. Then you can die in a couple of weeks and I can have my life back. Maybe then the universe will stop screwing me over.” He pressed 1 on speed dial and threw another glare in Spike’s direction. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m calling Willow.”

Spike stretched out with one leg resting across Xander's knees and put his head back. Not quite comfortable, he grabbed the pillow behind Xander without a 'by your leave' and tucked it behind his head. "Better. Much better. And it's three days, or four. I'm not staying here longer than that." He turned his head. "Or maybe Red can take care of me. She's got a much more accommodating bed side manner."
“Somehow I doubt the Wankers that Be would let either of us off so easy…Hey Will, you’ll never guess who landed, in all his naked glory in my flat.” Xander directed his attention to the phone, pushing Spike’s leg off his lap.

Putting everything he had in the motion, Spike leaned forward and snatched the phone out of Xander's hand. "It looks like I'll be needing a bit of saving, how quickly can you get here?"

For the first time in her life, Willow was too shocked to even babble. She was sure she’d heard Spike’s voice but that was impossible! Spike had died! “S-s-spike? Is that you? But…but you died! Didn’t you die?”

"Dying is relative. I just did the pain part of it." A slight frown marred his face. That bit of memory, he could do well without. "I'm human now, need a bit of..." Right, the word 'help' wouldn't come of his mouth. "Clothes and food... you cook, yeah? The Powers won't mind a small change of plans."

He met Xander's glare and gave an open shrug. The boy wasn't cooperating, so he'd had to take things in his own hands.

“You’re human? H-how? And how come you’re in Xander’s apartment? And the Powers put you there? Why?” Willow’s mind was already running through possible reasons and consequences of a human Spike. She dimly remembered Wesley calling Giles about a prophecy involving a vampire turning human. Maybe that’s what had happened. Why Xander’s apartment though? Suddenly it came to her. The PtBs had finally heard Xander calling them Wankers that Be. Why else would they put Spike with him, they knew the boys hated each other.

“I told Xander not to call them that! I warned him! Did he listen though? Noooo, not Xander, he had to go and show his bitterness. Look, Spike, if they stuck you with Xander then it’s better you stay there until we know what’s happening, okay? I’ll go to the Council headquarters and do some research. You stay with Xan, understand?”

“Right." He shut the phone and slammed it down on the end table with more force than he intended and that about drained him of the remainder of his energy and irritated him all the more. "Willow says you are to do exactly what Powers ordered, and that would be..." he turned his head slightly, "obey my every whim."

“She said what now?!” Xander got up and started pacing around the room. “It’s not bad enough that I have to deal with Andrew every day, it’s not bad enough that I had to be in charge of the more demony employees, I have to have you around, now?” He stopped pacing a moment to glare up to the ceiling. “I thought we agreed no more butt monkey! Stupid all-powerful wankers that be. And you!” He twirled around and pointed at Spike. “You are wearing some clothes around here, mister and I don’t care if they’re sweats or leather. Oh, wait. They should be leather. So that you can see how it chafes when you’re human and have an actual body temperature.”

"Chafes...pah," he gave a disgusted sneer. "I want leather. And if not that, then jeans. Make sure they're black. I'm not about to go prancing about in something colourful." Prancing…He hoped he'd be walking soon. "My throat is parched. Thirsty. That's it... get me some water."

Out of the corner of his eye, Spike caught sight of something beige. What was that under the legs of the chair near where he'd laid sprawled for hours? Not a scroll! He used every bloody swear word they'd prevented him from using when he was in that holding room of theirs, and more. If it contained what he thought... his pulse started to race. Nervousness, what that what this was?

Xander looked suspiciously at Spike. He looked…worried? Yeah…worried and a bit nervous. He opened his mouth to ask Spike what he was hiding but he was rudely interrupted.

"What the bloody hell are you doing still standing there with your mouth open? Get the clothes and the water." Get the fuck away from the scroll.

“Fine. Just fucking fine.”

Xander growled and, with a last glare at Spike he stomped to the bedroom to get him some clothes. Stupid ex-evil-undead and his stupid colour preferences.

He grabbed the first black pair of jeans he could find. They would probably be too large for Spike but frankly, at that moment Xander didn’t care. Stomping back to the living room he threw the jeans next to Spike on the couch and went to the kitchen to get the water.

"Twist of lemon with it. And...fruit, peeled. Definitely peeled," Spike called out after him. "Cut up in small bits, not bigger than the size of quarters."

Hoping that would buy him enough time, he tried to make if off the couch, but collapsed back into it. That wouldn't work. And now for plan B. Those never worked, did they?

Leaning on his side, he held tight to one end of the jeans and threw them, trying to make the other end land on the scroll. Once.... twice... he didn't take too kindly to failure. Just a little further and it might work. He bent so far, half his body was off the couch, and threw one last time. Ah... he started pulling the jeans back toward him, with the scroll rolling nicely under them.

“Wash the cupboards Cinderella, do the dishes Cinderella” Xander grumbled, picking up fruit and utensils.

He was halfway through peeling an orange when he realised what he was doing. He was obeying Spike. Why was he doing that? Anger fully restored, Xander went back to the living room just in time to see Spike try to trap something with the jeans.

“Trying to reach something, Spike?” He asked mildly.

"Changed me mind. Forget the water, I'd like to try a soda, yeah?" He smiled, though it hurt his face to force it.

“Ah, but Spike, what kind of faithful manservant would I be if I didn’t help you reach what you were trying to get.” Xander replied cheerfully, convinced now that Spike was hiding something. “Here, I’ll get it for you shall, I?”

He kneeled down next to Spike and grabbed whatever was hiding under the jeans.

“Oh look, Spike. You came with directions.” He said as he unrolled the scroll. “Let’s see now, what does it say…”


(Comments, feedback, concrit... gets you more chapters. If you like the story or are reading, let us know please :) )