Broken (AKA Beautiful Broken)

*


Xander willingly crawled into bed with Lirowaus, sliding between the demon's legs and curling up with his head on the demon's hip instead of retreating to the footboard. He'd long ago stopped thinking about anything other than Spike's escape. He imagined scenarios where Spike drove the paperclip into a guard's neck and scenarios where he picked a lock. He created fantasies where Spike used the paperclip to short circuit a high tech locking mechanism, and where Spike used mattress padding, toothpaste, and the paperclip to create some sort of MacGyver-worthy bomb. Xander trusted Spike to take advantage of some opening when the security loosened in three days, but he knew that Lirowaus would then move the rest of the stock, so he knew he'd never see Spike again.

He rubbed his cheek against Lirowaus' hip invitingly, and Lirowaus reached down and petted him.

"Such a beautiful pup. If I'd known you would be this affectionate, I would have allowed you to say goodbye to your master long ago. Are you upholding your end of the bargain, or is this something else?" Xander considered his answer as those rough hands caressed his head.

"Something else, master."

"And what is that, my little pup?" Lirowaus asked with a laugh. Xander guessed that the demon was amused for the same reason Spike had been, his lack of detail on any answer.

"Spike isn't my master; I'll never see him again. You're all I have," Xander answered honestly. At one point it would have broken his heart to admit that part of him needed Lirowaus' approval and affection, but he was so broken already that it just didn't matter any more. He just curled up and used his fingers to explore a spot on Lirowaus' leg. Since he slept with this hands shackled it was all he could reach.

"Ah, so my pup has accepted the truth?"

"Yes, master."

"That should make me eager for your services, but even demons need rest. You've made me quite sore in the most pleasant of ways," Lirowaus commented with a huffing noise. Xander didn't point out that he was just as happy for the break. He might long for a touch in his hair so that he could close his eyes and pretend, but he couldn't bring himself to want that attention. He just hoped that the universe was kind enough to kill him before he started wanting that because he knew the day would come. He closed his eyes and laid his head on Lirowaus' inner thigh knowing that he'd probably survive many, many years. The universe had never liked him well enough to do him any favors. Accepting that he had found his place, as miserable as it might be, Xander fell asleep only to be brutally awakened just a couple of hours later.

Xander woke to find the bed tilting under him. Just as he opened his eyes, Lirowaus exited the bed with such speed that Xander became tangled in his master’s limbs and fell from the bed with him. He struggled to get his feet under him, but the hobbles limited his motion so that he fell face-first onto Lirowaus' stomach, causing a mighty exhale but no other protest even as Xander righted himself. When Xander finally got his knees under him, he found a game-faced Spike snarling at a Lirowaus who heaved great breaths as he squirmed on the floor. One demon hand curled into the area rug, gathering the fabric in a fist so that all the wrinkles lay like rays of light from a sun. The other hand grappled at his own thick neck.

"Bet that hurts like bitch," Spike said as he casually backed up and leaned against the wall. Xander secretly rejoiced to see Spike free and yet worried about why Spike had come to Lirowaus' room. Why wasn't Spike going for help? Hadn't Spike gotten his warning to wait three days? Had Spike seen him sleeping curled up between Lirowaus' legs? Xander couldn’t seem to get his brain sorted out as different fears and different hopes got hopelessly tangled in his brain.

"That's the thing about Kailiff demons, crush their necks and they keep on breathin' but the talkin's kinda done for. Bloody handy." Spike smiled, and Xander pushed back into the bed a bit at the sight of the sadistic joy.

"Of course, the soundproofin' helps. Lets me do this." Spike picked up a floor lamp and stomped down on the base to break it off so he had a fairly functional staff. Then he swung that staff like a bat right into Lirowaus' head. Xander started breathing heavy at the sight of his new master's body slamming into the wall before sliding down. The demon's hand braced himself on the floor as legs flailed in an attempt to rise while the other hand continued to clutch at the throat that had been incapacitated with the first blow.

"Soddin' wanker. Ya aren't good enough ta touch him anyway, but ya bloody knew he was mine." Spike swung again and this time Lirowaus' head bounced off the wall and rebounded so that he hit the staff a second time on the recoil. Xander watched the still attached shade vibrate in response to the violence

"I" ... kick to stomach ... "bloody"... kick to knee which bends unnaturally ... "wish" ... punch down into the back ... "I" ... second punch and Lirowaus starts crawling away ... "had" ... kick sends him crashing through a small table ... "time" ... Spike drives a piece of broken table leg through a flailing arm ... "to" ... the impromptu staff pierces the stomach and nails Lirowaus to the floor... "do" ... a hand wraps around that top penis ... "this" ... penis and body part ways, Spike drops the bloody member on Lirowaus' twisted face ... "right" ... Spike grabs either side of Lirowaus' neck and snaps it so that even Xander on the other side of the room can hear the cracking bones.

Spike stood panting unnecessary air as he stood over Lirowaus' broken body, and Xander remained frozen in place. He watched as Spike turned and started walking slowly toward him. Xander felt the tears gather, but he didn't know why. It was over. His new master was dead and now Spike knew how he had allowed Lirowaus to…. Xander’s mind shut down before he could finish his thought, but he knew he’d done more than Spike’s demon could allow. He’d curled up in Lirowaus’ lap. Xander knew that Spike's demon would never take him back after that kind of betrayal.

He’d known there was no going back when he’d first made the deal, and while Spike coming here was a surprise, Xander wondered if the universe liked him well enough to just give him the favor of a quick end. He didn’t dare ask for more. Okay, he could ask for more: a quick end and Spike’s escape. Well, a quick death, Spike’s escape and a rescue for his girls, but he could trust Spike to live up to his word; Spike would save them.

Spike stopped in front of him, and Xander kept his eyes on the floor, trusting that Spike would make his end quick. How funny to expect mercy from a demon, especially one that had just enjoyed such blatant violence. A hand touched him, and Xander tried not to flinch. Tried and failed, but the hand didn't grab or twist, it stroked his hair gently.

“You can’t…” Xander stopped, unable to say out loud the words that had haunted him throughout his time with Lirowaus, so he didn’t; he just begged. “Please, Spike. Please, just let it be over.” Xander kept his gaze down.

“It *is* over, luv. It’s over and you’re safe.” Xander thought about that word, and he didn’t think he would ever understand that word again. He wasn’t safe, he had all these thoughts and memories in his mind that stabbed at him, and Spike couldn’t ever fix that.

“No,” he argued. “It’s not. Please, just let it be over." If he went on, he would have to remember and Xander wasn't strong enough for that. "I want to go with Buffy,” Xander explained, unable to say more than that. The hand on his head stopped.

“Bloody hell no. Xan, you can’t ask me to do that again. I bloody loved the Slayer and feeling her heart stop under me was the closest thing to dying I’ve felt in 120 years. I bloody died twice, I can’t go through it again.” Xander thought about that and thought of those broken liquor bottles in that empty warehouse and then the vampire knelt next to him so close that Xander couldn't escape seeing Spike out of the corner of his eye.

“Leave me,” Xander offered. "Just get the girls out." He understood Spike’s pain, and he could find another way. He would find another way rather than put Spike through that again.

“Not on your soddin’ life, and more importantly, not on mine. I’ll be bloody dust before I’ll leave you. I’m your Master and you’ll come with me.” Xander felt arms suddenly wrap around him and pull him into an embrace, but Xander couldn't respond. His hands were still shackled just like Lirowaus liked.

“Not any more,” Xander said softly, aware that he didn’t belong to anyone anymore. Lirowaus had taken him from Spike, forced him to betray Spike, and now he had no master. He knew what that meant.

“You’re mine, and you’ll stop bein’ mine when I bloody say so and not before you soddin’ stubborn git. I’ll effin’ chain ya to wall and make ya stay with me 'cause you take orders from me.” Xander felt tears really flow at that comment, not out of fear but out of a desire to have that happen, but it couldn’t. What had Spike once told him? Spike had said that he wouldn’t have a weak slave, and Xander had proven to be as weak as they come.

“I betrayed you,” Xander said in a stronger voice. “I betrayed you and disobeyed and gave myself to someone else. So weak; so dirty…” Xander stopped when his breathing became erratic and threatened to release the sobs that he held inside his chest only by a force of will.

“You’re bloody well the strongest bastard I’ve ever met. Giles would’ve gone off his trolley by now, and most people, well they would’ve given up long ago. But you traded your own safety to try and get the girls back, and what ya traded for me…” Spike went silent for a moment. The hand that had embraced him now ran through his hair and pushed his head into Spike’s firm chest. Xander let himself lean into that strong body and pretend for a moment that he was worthy.

“Never would’ve asked ya for that, pet. I know what ya gave up for me, and you’re still the most beautiful human I’ve ever seen. I don’t care if ya talk to stars for the rest of your soddin’ life, I’ll be here and you won’t talk about givin’ up because the bastard I know wouldn’t back down from a Chaos demon if the only weapon he had was a toothpick.”

“But I did,” Xander didn’t even try to stop the tears that flowed down his cheek only to be absorbed by Spike’s shirt. “I backed down. I can’t live with that.”

“You bloody well never did. You charged in and saved my arse after I failed ya. It was my job to protect you, and I didn't. I may have bollocked this up once, but I'm not about to make things worse by leavin' ya. Not in this lifetime.” Spike paused. “Xander?”

“Don’t call me that,” Xander interrupted, “That’s not who I am.”

“Fine, stupid name anyway, but whatever name ya go by, you’re mine and you’ll stay mine, pet.” Xander didn’t really agree as much as run out of energy to fight any more.

"Right, time to go." Xander felt fingers at his wrists, pulling and prodding until his wrists fell apart. Xander brought his hands in front of him just to look at them. They seemed foreign to him after all this time, and he could feel the pull in his shoulders since his body had grown so accustomed to keeping his hands behind his back that holding them out front stretched new muscles.

Then he felt Spike bodily pick him up and put him on the side of the bed and Xander wondered if Spike wanted to put his own scent on his slave, and Xander didn't argue until he considered where they were and what would happen if anyone caught Spike. Then he started to squirm, but Spike only pushed him back on the bed and sat on his chest as fingers played with his hobbles. But the hobbles only came off when Rocim bathed him. Xander struggled to make some sort of sense of his quickly changing world when he suddenly felt cool air over skin that had grown accustomed to being encased with leather.

"Not goin' to have you hobbled when we may have to make a run for it." Spike said, and Xander slowly worked out the logic in his mind. Spike got off of him, and Xander sat up and kept his eyes on the floor as Spike stood beside him...he knew Spike was watching and was probably smelling him too. He felt dirty to carry another demon's smell, but he was dirty, so the corrupting smell was only appropriate. He felt the tap at his shoulder, and he rose to follow without even thinking. Hell, he didn't think he had enough energy left to think, he thought as he followed Spike at heel.

Spike pulled the bedroom door open, and Rocim stood there, a hand raised to knock and a look of surprise and horror on his face. Spike didn't wait for Rocim's reaction; he reached out and grabbed the minion by his shirt-front and dragged him into the room, slamming the bedroom door shut again.

"Master Lirowaus," Rocim chattered as he saw the mangled lump of flesh and blood with the broken lamp tilting slightly but held upright by the body. The shade on the lamp had managed to stay on through the fighting, and for some reason, the tilting white shade on the tilting brass lamp buried in the bleeding demon body amused Xander. It just seemed so damn illogical. A laugh started as a small tremor down his backbone, but it quickly developed into a sound somewhere between snorting and giggling.

Eventually Xander realized that the other two occupants of the room weren't nearly as amused as he, and he glanced up to see Rocim staring forlornly at his fallen master and Spike staring at him, the vampire's head cocked to one side with an expression that looked suspiciously like concern.

When Xander met Spike's eye, Spike gave a small shake of his head like trying to clear something and then he turned to glance at the body that had captured Xander’s attention.

“Suppose it *is* funny, innit?” Spike said. “Bastard learned his lesson.” Spike’s words both made the sight somehow funnier, and yet they allowed Xander to get control of himself as Spike turned his attention to their captive.

"But how...You were chained," Rocim stuttered.

"You lot may not have underestimated me with chains and guards, but you sure as hell underestimated Xander, and you obviously don’t know the power of the paperclip," Spike said with a cruel laugh.

"So listen up, mate. You're goin' to help us find two witches or you're goin' to end up lookin' just like that." Xander turned to look at Rocim when the man didn't answer and he found that the man hadn't moved. He still stared at his fallen master with his mouth open and a blank, stupid expression on his face. Spike put both hands on Rocim's chest and pushed him back into the wall. Rocim didn't react. Spike shifted into game face and snarled. Rocim didn't react. Spike backed up a step, his expression almost amused in the way he sucked in his cheeks, leaving his cheekbones as sharp knives under suddenly cruel eyes.

Spike stepped close again, only this time he put two fingers right in front of Rocim's eyes. "Ya want to help us 'cause Lirowaus told ya to. He'll be pleased if ya make us happy, mate," Spike said in a suddenly soft tone of voice. "After all, I'm a buyer, came to buy some witches...isn't that right?"

"Yes, witches," Rocim replied tonelessly, and from his position to the side of the drama, Xander could see Spike's triumphant smirk.

"Yeah, witches, so where are the two witches I bought...the redhead with the attitude and her little chum?"

"Witches?" Rocim now seemed to stir a little his eyes moving from Spike's fingers up to Spike's eyes.

"The soddin' witches. Where. Are. They?" Spike asked a little more firmly, moving his fingers up to intercept Rocim's gaze and then moving them gently side to side.

"The red one objected too much. She argued. She got sent ahead. Master will sell her."

"And her chum? Her bonding group?"

"Sell them together." Xander heard Rocim's words, spoken in a dreamy half-voice, and he could feel panic unfurl in his soul. Willow fighting. He remembered that. Her shrill voice and her eyes flashing black. He remembered her demanding Lirowaus give him to the girls. Oh god. Lirowaus' threatening voice and a flash of spells. Lirowaus had asked if he wanted a bonding group, and he had said no. Now those memories widened to include Willow's shocked expression, her tears. Oh god. It was his fault again. Xander struggled to breathe and lost the ability to even track the conversation as Spike continued to work with Rocim. Why hadn't he died back with Leshar? All he had to do was go with the girls and Willow would have shut up, Willow and Tara would have still been here waiting for rescue. But he'd ruined that too.

He felt the tap at his shoulder and for the second time his body rose to follow Spike even though his mind hadn't yet caught up with the order. Hell, he didn’t remember even going to his knees, but now he had an order and he followed as Rocim absent-mindedly led them through a series of hallways and into the main corridor where they had first come into the house.

“But the witches…” Rocim objected when they reached the door.

“Right, got to pick them up, don’t we? Tell the guard at the door to bring a car around,” Spike whispered as a more demonish-looking demon watched them approach. Xander moved so close to Spike that the vampire’s coat brushed against him and when did Spike have a chance to get his coat? What, did the vampire go coat…revenge…rescue? That was a strange set of priorities. Xander then realized that he was standing so close that Spike wouldn’t be able to swing a fist, so he stepped back as Rocim went forward to give the order. The door-demon stepped outside, and Rocim turned with a confused expression. Spike started the finger bit again.

“Pet?” Spike called, and Xander waited. “You’re going to have to drive the car. I need to stay with lackey boy until the last second.” Xander stared at Spike horrified, but he certainly didn’t have a response. Spike must have noticed the terror though.

“Xander, ya drive better than I do, and I need to focus here. I’ve never been as good with this as Dru; hell, I wouldn’t be able to hold him at all except that he’s already so broken and shocked that he’s open to it. You just get in the car, start it, and put it in gear. The minute I get in, hit the accelerator as hard as ya can.” Xander mentally reviewed all the steps he would have to take in order to complete that order.

“Yes, Master,” Xander agreed as he mentally practiced the maneuver. He didn’t bother going to his knees since speed might be required.

“But Master Lirowaus,” Rocim asked in a child-like voice just as the door-demon drove the car up the long drive.

“Will be very pleased that you’ve made a customer happy,” Spike finished the minion’s sentence. “I’ve bought the witches and now I’ll go pick them up. Paid good money for that pair, and Lirowaus wants to get rid of ‘em.”

“The red one makes trouble.” Rocim happily agreed with the voice of a three year old.

“And you’re doing well ta help get rid of them. Lirowaus will be pleased,” Spike assured him in a voice normally reserved for Dru soothing. Xander didn’t hear any more because Spike had waved toward the car and Xander recognized the implied order. Moving just as he’d mentally practiced, he walked toward the car, his bare feet padding over the cold concrete as he walked under the moonlight.

“Hey, isn’t he the master’s pet?” a voice called out just as Xander walked by the door-demon, and Xander just kept moving and kept his head down.

“Run!” Xander heard his master’s cry and he took off for the car just as he felt a demon claw touch his arm. He slipped a bit as he ran around the back end of the car to get to the driver’s side, realizing just a little too late that he should have dived through the passenger side, but in his mind he had practiced walking around the back of the car calmly, so that’s what he did…only without the walking part…or the calm part.

Xander pulled the door open expecting at any minute to be pulled to the ground and tied up, but he managed to pull the door open and slide into the seat, turning the key as he jammed his foot down on the brake in order to slam the car into gear. Only then did Xander look to see Spike fighting both Rocim and the larger door demon. Spike pulled a roundhouse kick on the large demon and Xander moved the gear select from first to reverse as he hit the gas, slamming the back of the car into the demon who then slammed into the side of the house.

Spike grabbed for the car door and threw himself into the passenger side just as Xander put the car into forward and hit the accelerator. For a moment the car remained motionless as the tires spun, but then the tread grabbed the pavement throwing the car forward as Xander watched demons pour out of the house. Only then did it occur to him that they had just abandoned dozens of humans to slavery, but he focused on keeping the car on the path as Spike hurled insults at the demons, their mothers, and their whole demonic family trees.

“Spike?” Xander begged/demanded as he turned a corner and saw the gates. Stop, swerve, crash: he couldn’t make a decision like that. His heart pounded in fear, but then Spike’s voice called out.

“Keep bloody going!” Xander pressed down hard on the accelerator now that the path was straight and hit the gates so hard that he could feel his whole body jerk with the car which skidded sideways, the front bumper caught on the metalwork even if the gate had come open several feet.

“Back up!” Spike ordered, and Xander threw the car into reverse and hit the gas until the tires squealed the car pulled free. Even as Spike ordered him forward he was putting the car back into gear and hitting the accelerator as the car broke through to freedom, the gravel of the public road wildly pinging into the underside of the car as Xander navigated the turns which appeared only when his headlights would suddenly reveal a tree right in front of the vehicle. Xander could feel the sweat down the back of his neck, his butt sticking to the seat uncomfortably so that every time he moved his skin pulled against the leather upholstery. He concentrated on his driving to the exclusion of all else until a voice pierced his awareness.

“…not following. Pet, it’s alright; you can just slow down. We’re about to reach the highway, pet. Ya have to slow down now.” Xander pulled his foot from the accelerator immediately, and he could hear the roaring engine quiet into a purr as the pinging pebbles thrown up from the road slowed to a few individual ricochets.

The car continued to slow as Xander steered without pressing either pedal. Eventually the car stopped in the middle of the road and Spike reached over and turned the car off.

“Right then, no more drivin’ for you for a while. Mind you, that was a nice bit dodgin’ back there.” Xander heard a car door open and felt a hand pull him towards the passenger side. Suddenly so tired that he just wanted to sleep, Xander cooperated, sliding as best as he could with sweat soaked skin over leather and pulling up his legs to clear the gear shift on the floor. The hand released him when he reached the far side of the car, but Xander kept moving even as the door slammed shut. He turned so that he could slide to his knees on the passenger side floor.

The driver side door opened and Spike threw his duster in before getting in himself. Xander started shivering now, his damp skin and the night air combining to steal his warmth, and suddenly he felt a weight over his shoulders. He opened his eyes, wondering when he had closed them, and he looked at the dangling arm of Spike’s duster where the vampire had draped it over his back. Arranging the coat so that it was closer to his face and he could breathe in the leather smell, Xander lay his head down on the seat and closed his eyes, ignoring the vibrations as the car started moving down the road again.