Speed Demon

Warning: Domestic Discipline in this chapter, if you don't want to read it, I suggest you skip it

Chapter Eighteen

Gnawing on his bottom lip as he followed a silent Xander into the elevator, Spike glanced again at his lover when the doors slid shut behind them. He just wasn’t used to seeing Xander with no expression at all on his face; the older man was always animated, every emotion clear in his eyes, if not on his face.

The only sign of his continued anger, however, was the slight ticking still in his jaw. Even his eyes were carefully blank. It was really starting to make Spike uneasy.

The doors chimed as they slid open, startling him, and he gazed at them warily, unsure if he wanted to leave the relative safety of the elevator yet or not. Somehow, though, he didn’t think Xander would be too amused if Spike let the doors close and rode the elevator back down to the lobby till the other man calmed down, knowing that he wouldn’t make a scene in public.

Black eyes slid over him, a dark eyebrow arched as if his lover was reading his mind and Spike sighed soundlessly. He wouldn’t put it past him. Stepping out of the elevator, he made a face at Xander’s back as the older man turned and strode towards their room.

Following Xander into the room, closing the door behind him, Spike expected the lecture to start immediately, but there was still only an eerie silence coming from the dark haired man pacing in the small living area.

“Xander?” he asked softly, but his lover merely held up a hand to stop him before continuing with his silent pacing. Nibbling on his bottom lip again in agitation, and more than a little guilt for upsetting him so much, Spike sighed and tried again.

“Look, I’m sorry, alright?”

Stopping mid-stride, Xander whirled around with narrowed eyes, pinning him in place with a dark, feral glare before stalking towards him with slow, purposeful steps. Spike’s eyes widened and he was unable to stop himself from backing up as Xander drew closer, causing the older man to freeze and take a deep breath in. Hands fisting on his hips, Xander spoke softly, a vein of steel running through the gentle tone.

“Sorry? You’re sorry? For what, Spike?”

Shoulders drawing up, he ducked his head, staring in fascination at the floor. That was the question, wasn’t it? “For making you so mad?” he hedged, drawing a tiny circle on the floor with the toe of his shoe before he realized what he was doing and stopped.

“I’m not mad, Spike. I’m so far past mad that I can’t even see mad! If mad was in France, I’d be all the fuckin’ way over in China! And don’t you smile, this isn’t funny,” he warned darkly. Spike bit at his lips to stop their twitching.

Stepping closer, Xander threw his arms up in exasperation, snarling out, “You don’t even know why the fuck I’m so pissed, do you?”

Spike nodded slowly, then shook his head, unable to stop himself from admitting what he knew he probably shouldn’t. “No, I really bloody don’t. I won the soddin’ race, din’t I? We’re second place in points now. I thought you’d be happy!” he grumbled.

Xander actually gaped at him for a moment, which Spike really would have enjoyed more if he couldn’t see the other man’s anger growing.

“And you almost killed yourself doin’ it!” Xander yelled finally, face flushing, black eyes smoldering. Closing his eyes tightly, he ground his teeth and slowly shook his head, taking a step back. “I can’t do this right now.”

“Xander…”

“Damn it, Spike!” His eyes opened and for the first time, Spike could see the paralyzing fear underneath the anger. “You could have died out there, with me and Willow watchin’, and you don’t even fuckin’ care! You purposely ignored me, turned off your damned radio so none of us could get a hold of you, which is the second fuckin’ time you’ve done it. You’re drivin’ lately like you’re invincible when you know you damned well aren’t! I can’t take this, I can’t do it. This self-destructive attitude of yours is killin’ me, damn it, and you keep apologizing for things you aren’t even sorry for! I’m using every ounce of my control to keep from throwin’ you over my knee right now-”

“Then do it!” he blurted out, before his mind caught up with his mouth, anything to stop the words that were making him feel less than an inch tall, less than a worm even. Anything to keep Xander from saying that he couldn’t take it again, to keep him from walking out. He was horrified that it was really that bad, that it had upset Xander that much. It had never been his intention to upset him.

“Christ, Spike-” Xander started, running a hand through his hair, but Spike cut him off, saying quickly, “No, I mean it. If it would make you feel better,”-if it would make you stay with me-“then just do it.”

Rubbing a rough hand over his face in frustration, Xander shook his head and growled out, “It isn’t about me fuckin’ feelin’ better, Spike. This is about you repeatedly taking unneeded risks with your life without even caring about what the people who care for you are fuckin’ going through. If I raised a hand to you to make myself feel better, I’d be no better than your father.”

“It wouldn’t be ‘raising your hand to me’,” he argued back, still uncertain as to why he didn’t just shut up while he was ahead. But, somehow, the idea was growing in appeal the more he thought about it. Not the whole getting punished like a farkin’ child thing, but as a way to show that he really was sorry this time. “S’what parents do to keep their kids from hurtin’ themselves more, yeah? To show they care enough to want them safe? Never had that. Even before things went to hell, he never really cared.”

“I’m not one of your parents and you aren’t a kid, Spike.”

“Been actin’ like a kid, though, I have,” he admitted softly, “Thinking only of myself and not caring what you were going through,” realizing slowly that it was true, that as much as he cared about loved Xander, that he hadn’t been thinking of him at all when he was acting out on the track.

“Why the hell are you askin’ for this?” Xander asked in exasperation, starting to resume his pacing along the side of the room.

“Cause I don’t want you to leave me,” was out of his mouth before he knew it, in a soft voice, so softly he hoped Xander wouldn’t hear it because he really hadn’t meant to say it.

The dark haired man freezing before slowly turning to face him dashed that hope, though, and he sighed inwardly before meeting that dark gaze with his own. Xander rolled his eyes and shook his head, saying gently, “I’m not gonna leave you over this, baby. I’m just upset and need a little time to get over it.”

The tension in his back and shoulders eased at that, but his stomach was still in knots. Biting into his lips again, he nodded hesitantly, before taking a deep breath and saying, “I still want you to do it, though. Not because I think you’ll leave me if you don’t,” he said quickly when Xander opened his mouth to argue again, “But cause I deserve it, we both know I do, and cause I really am sorry, Xander. I can’t promise I won’t do it again, though.”

Lips twitching, Xander growled and rubbed a hand over his eyes. “Only you would add that on to an apology while askin’ to be spanked, Spike. I don’t want to hurt you.”

Flushing a little at the word, Spike fidgeted and bit at his thumb, wondering if it was too late to change his mind since it looked like Xander was giving in. He knew, knew, that his lover wouldn’t hit him, hurt him, not like his father had done. But he had been hurting Xander and hadn’t even realized it.

He didn’t want Xander to need time to get over it, he wanted to be…punished, he thought, wrinkling his nose a little at the word, and forgiven. He wanted to crawl in Xander’s lap and be able to tell him he was sorry, and have the other man believe him, like he had been able to do with his old Nanny when he was a child after the few times the older woman had disciplined him.

Glancing up through his lashes, Spike saw Xander’s dark eyes studying him and dropped his eyes to the floor again. “Please?” he asked softly, suddenly wanting nothing more than to be bent over Xander’s lap and spanked, so this whole horrible day could be over and he could be held and forgiven, relieving this terrible aching guilt he now held in his belly.

When Xander remained silent, he drew in a deep breath and raised his eyes again, catching the older man’s gaze and holding it as he said one of the hardest things, yet somehow the easiest, that he’d ever had to say.

“I trust you.”

Just like that, he saw the majority of Xander’s anger drain from his eyes, leaving only a brief glimpse of something resembling awe and a kind of determination, before the older man simply nodded and turned to walk towards the bedroom. Spike stared after him a few moments, gathering up his courage, before he slowly followed.

His lover was sitting on the end of the bed by the time he walked into the dim room, the only light coming from the tall lamp in the corner. Relieved a little that Xander had realized his humiliation over such a childish punishment would be bore more easily that way than under the bright overhead light, he smiled shakily at him as he stopped a few feet from the bed.

Xander smiled back before cocking his head to the side and saying gently, but firmly, “Strip.”

Spike flushed, frowning, as he opened his mouth to argue. Xander raised an eyebrow and he closed his mouth with a snap.

“Just because you asked for this doesn’t mean you’re goin’ to have control over it, baby. It doesn’t work that way,” Xander chided.

Nodding slowly, Spike bit down hard on his lower lip as his shakey hands reached up to unzip the top of his jumpsuit, tugging it down with a low rasp. When it was unzipped to his waist, he bent down to unlace his shoes, standing again to toe them off, along with his socks.

Peeling off the bright jumpsuit, he stood a moment in his t-shirt and boxers, looking over at Xander with a slightly pleading expression on his face, but his lover shook his head and motioned to the rest of his clothes. Face flushing even more, Spike tugged the white shirt over his head, dropping it to the floor as he reached for his boxers.

“C’mere, baby, and I’ll get those,” Xander said softly and Spike sighed gratefully. Stepping over to the bed, he stood silently as Xander reached for him, tugging him closer. After running his big, work-roughened hands along Spike’s back and down his sides, he gently hooked his fingers in the waistband and pulled them down Spike’s legs.

Holding on to Xander’s shoulders, he stepped out of the material and tried to ignore the fact that he was bare-arse naked in front of his fully clothed lover. His embarrassment over the situation had his dick soft, at least, because if anything would add to his humiliation right then, it would be a hard-on.

Although if Xander kept looking at him like he was the most beautiful thing on the planet while stroking his hips lightly with those calloused fingertips, even his embarrassment might not save him.

“Over my lap,” the dark haired man said quietly and Spike’s belly tightened. He froze for a moment, unable to move, but Xander merely sat patiently and he realized that his lover wasn’t going to push him into this, that it had to be his own choice. Somehow, that made it easier to bear, and he breathed in deeply before moving around to Xander’s side and awkwardly draping himself over the bigger man’s knees.

Big hands ran over his back to sooth him, even as they repositioned him slightly, moving him around so that he was more comfortable. His soft cock was held snugly between Xander’s thighs now, his head resting on one of his own arms, the hand of the other grasping the edge of the mattress.

When those large hands started gently caressing his upturned buttocks, he tensed, but after a few moments of gentle touches, he relaxed again. He felt Xander move a little behind him and then felt the brush of silky hair as the other man leaned over him to place a soft, gentle kiss along his pale shoulder.

“So beautiful like this, baby,” Xander murmured above him, hands once again stroking along his back and arse. The first smack made him jump, more in surprise than anything, since though it was firm, it wasn’t hard. The hand that had come down gently stroked along the skin there and he relaxed into the soft touches again, jumping again with the next firm smack.

It went on like that for several minutes, each firm smack being soothed and petted until the sting went away before the next one landed, leaving his ass tingling and sensitized, but not painful. Xander spoke softly to him in between smacks, praising him, telling him how gorgeous he looked with his ass all pink and flushed from his hand, his other hand gently carding through Spike’s white-blonde curls, petting his nape, almost making him purr. Pleasant sensations hummed throughout his body and he shifted a little, his cock hardening slowly from the slight pain and pleasure of it all.

Another gently firm smack landed and Spike gasped at the slight sting before it was soothed away, Xander commenting almost casually, “Y’know, baby? Most of the times I’ve pictured you across my knees, it’s been like this. More pleasure than pain, just enough to make your ass all rosy and pink for me, you gasping and moaning over my lap.”

Spike hummed softly into the sheet, almost lost in the pleasant lull between smacks, body tingling and sensitive to Xander’s gentle touches. The hand on his arse moved away for a moment, to come back wet, sliding slickly down between his cheeks. He tried to stifle a moan and arched up a little into the touch.

The fingertip slid over the puckered skin around his opening and he whimpered softly, but then it moved a little farther down, pressing and stroking along his perineum. His body shivered from the sensations flooding it and he moaned sharply, shifting again on Xander’s lap as his cock hardened fully in between his lover’s thighs.

“This is how it would’ve been, how it can be. When you deserve it. But you don’t, do you Spike?” Xander asked suddenly, the change in the tone of his voice the only warning before the finger doing delightfully naughty things to his body moved, the hand coming back to slap hard onto his already tingling backside. Before he could even gasp in surprise, it came down twice more, harder smacks than the ones before, hard enough to hurt but still not truly painful.

“Why am I spanking you, Spike?” Xander asked firmly, hand resting where it had last landed, and Spike shifted a little, ass stinging.

“Cause I deserve it?” he asked, not sure what Xander was looking for. Another couple of hard smacks, then Xander asked again, “Why am I spanking you, Spike?”

“Because I almost got myself killed today?” he replied quickly, wanting to get the right answer this time so the harder smacks would stop. Fingertips lightly stroked his now-throbbing skin, then Xander asked, “And what else?”

“Cause I scared you and Willow?”

Four hard smacks came down in quick succession, before he could yelp at the hot stinging, then his lover said quietly, “That’s a result of your actions, not a reason I’m spankin’ you, Spike. Why else?”

He pouted a few seconds, arse smarting from the last slaps, but when Xander’s hand fell again sharply, he yelped out, “Cause I wasn’t thinkin’ of you n Wills and how you’d feel bout me racing like that!”

Soft strokes on his stinging ass soothed the burn a little, then Xander asked, “Why else?” Wracking his brain for the other reasons he was in that position, Spike replied, “Cause I turned off the radio and none of you could talk to me?” Xander made a soft sound of agreement, fingers tracing light patterns on his still stinging ass, then three more hard smacks came down quickly, leaving him yelping.

“And why does that make you deserve to be spanked?”

“Cause then I won’t know if somethin’ happens and I have to come back in or if there’s somethin’ wrong on the track I can’t see!” he answered quickly, feeling tears smart at his eyes.

“Which could cause you to wreck and get hurt or killed. As could the way you’ve been drivin’ lately, baby. I don’t like doin’ this, not this way. I don’t want to have to do it again. But I’m not gonna stand around and watch you hurt yourself, Spike. I won’t. You mean too much to me for me to be able to. I understand why you were drivin’ like that but that doesn’t make it okay. You race safe from now on or you don’t race at all and if you don’t like it, then get a new crew chief,” Xander said quietly, no trace of anger in his voice, only pain and tenderness.

Spike nodded his head against the sheets, more tears slowly slipping from his eyes as he heard the pain in Xander’s voice. “I will. S-sorry, Xan.”

“Shh,” he said softly, stroking Spike’s hair and pressing another soft kiss to his shoulder. “Just a minute more and it’ll be all over and we can take a nap, baby. You’ve been so good.”

The next fifteen or twenty strikes came fast, one after the other, hard enough to really sting. Spike yelped with the first ones but they came too fast for him to recover in between and after a few, he struggled to get up, rearing away from the painful smacks. Xander held him in place and continued, until Spike’s ass was throbbing and he couldn’t hold back the tears from the surprising burn of it.

He cried out with the last couple of firm strikes, then it was over and Xander was tugging him up onto his lap, holding him tightly as they both trembled against each other. A tiny part of Spike wanted to be angry, wanted to lash out, mainly from hurt pride, but most of him just wanted to be held and petted, wanted to soothe Xander and reassure him it was all okay.

He buried his burning face in the crook of his lover’s neck and cried, more from the release of the guilt and tension from the awful day, than from the pain in his arse. Strong arms held him close as Xander murmured nonsense, rocking him slowly as he bent his head to kiss Spike’s hair, resting his face against the top of his head.

His tears dried quickly and he hiccupped softly against Xander’s neck, before raising his head. Xander loosened his arms enough so that Spike could lean back, but didn’t release him. Sitting back to where he could see his face, Spike bit his lip at the tears in Xander’s eyes, resolving to never upset him so much again, and said quietly, “Really am sorry, Xan.”

Xander smiled tenderly, a hand coming up to wipe gently at the tears still on Spike’s cheeks. “Shh, baby. It’s okay. I know.” Sighing softly, Spike leaned forward and brushed his lips against Xander’s, before dropping his head back onto his lover’s shoulder, wrapping his arms around him again.

They sat like that for several minutes, Spike breathing softly against Xander’s neck, feeling the older man’s heart beating against his naked chest, lulling him almost to sleep. When Xander moved, he started, eyes opening wide.

“Just moving us to the top of the bed, sweetheart,” he heard murmured against his hair, as Xander lifted him and set him down on the sheets, before standing and quickly undressing. Spike blinked sleepy blue eyes at him and smiled, wriggling up under the blankets and laying his head down on one of the pillows.

He waited until Xander tugged his back up against the older man’s chest, an arm wrapped tightly over his waist, before he let sleep claim him, worn out from the exhausting day. He felt the light brush of a kiss against his nape before he heard softly, "I'm so proud of you, baby, the way you stood up to that monster today," and he smiled slightly, drifting for the next few hours, until once again, they were awakened by someone knocking on the door.