Change of Season

Disclaimer:see previous chapter


A change of Seasons , Part 17

1

"Oh my god, Joyce! What happened?"

Taylor stands frozen in the doorway to her employers office, stunned. The room looks like it's been hit by a hurricane. Worst of all, Joyce appears hurt.

She'd been adjusting the spotlights in the gallery when she heard the crashing. Rushing off the catwalks, she at first thought Tom, Joyce's other assistant, had dropped some cargo in the warehouse.

Then she heard a second crash, and realized it was coming from Joyce's office. She hesitated for a moment, debating calling the police.

Right, and she might be dead before they arrive, she thought as she rushed to the office door, flinging it open.

And now, she's confronted by this.

Seeming to wake from a daze, Taylor rushes over to the prone woman, helping her up to her feet. She maneuvers around the pile of papers and junk on the floor, bringing her over to the sofa bed in the corner of the office.

"Faith…" Joyce mumbles, still out of it.

"Faith?" Taylor feels her gorge rise," Faith did this? That stupid bitch, I'll so have the police on her ass…" Taylor gets up, going to retrieve the phone.

"No, Taylor, NO!" Joyce, seeming to snap out of it, grabs the girl's arm, restraining her.

"Joyce, I'm not going to let her get away with trashing you and your office this way…"

"Taylor, you don't understand…" Joyce, using a strength reserved for moms, pulls the young girl down on the sofa. "We had a fight…"

"Oh, I get that, Joyce, " Taylor nods, looking around the office, her nostrils flaring. "You argued, she went postal, trashed the office, tried to hurt you …"

"Taylor! Stop and listen…" Joyce uses the special mom voice that immediately commands attention. "We had a fight. I did this. Faith didn’t do this…"

Taylor looks around the office, then back at Joyce. She has a slightly scared look on her face; it's the look of someone who's seeing something she didn't believe was possible.

Joyce Summers was the most stable, gentle person Taylor had ever known. She couldn't conceive of her doing something like this. This was totally out of character for her. It was unbelievable for her.

"You… you did this?" Taylor's voice is full of awe, tinged with just a dollop of fear.

Joyce nods, afraid of her own voice. Right now, if she hears the pain in her voice, she's afraid it'll bring on another monsoon of tears.

"But… why? I don't understand… you had a fight… but…"

"She left me…Oh god, Taylor, she left me!" Joyce breaks down, burying her face in her hands. Her body begins to shake as she goes through another bout of tears.

"She left you?" Taylor puts a comforting arm around the older woman. "Why? I don't get it. You seemed so… good together…"

This brings on a fresh torrent of wails and sobs, and Taylor just holds the woman, hoping to find the right words and actions to comfort her.

"I…I treated her… oh god, I'm such a shit heel, Taylor…" Joyce sobs out, shaking and crying, seeking some comfort in Taylor's arms. She looks up at Taylor, her face red and tear streaked. "She's right, I never treated her like… I was sooo selfish… I thought… and she tried, tried to help me… did so much… and I … oh god, I'm a horrible person…"

"Joyce! You're not a horrible person. I can't think of anyone that could be less of a horrible person…." She hugs Joyce. "You're sweet, kind woman. I don't know what happened, but I know you could never…"

"But I did! I treated her like…" Joyce, in stops and starts, gets out the reason for the fight, and everything else. She finally, overwhelmed again, hangs her head; hurt, miserable and ashamed.

"Joyce, please don't take this wrong. But you're making Mt. Rushmore out of anthills here…" Taylor strokes her back, trying to cheer up the distraught woman. " God, Billy and I fight all the time. Of course, he's a guy and an inconsiderate pig and deserves to be knocked in line once in awhile, but even so… it hurts, and sometimes it feels like he'll just up and leave me, but he always comes back, apologetic…"

"This isn't a spat, Taylor. I… I made her feel cheap and used and… oh god, not important! Oh my god she's the most important thing in my life, my rock, my sanity, and she… and I… how could I be so stupid? She loves me, she really loves me, and I … I love her! I REALLY love her…like no one else… and …now she's gone… and … and… oh god…" Joyce just seems to shrink into herself. It's as if the thought of possibly never seeing Faith again steals the very life out of her.

"Joyce, stop it!" Taylor, a little offended by Joyce's dismissal, but far more from concern, takes the grieving woman by the shoulders and shakes her. "You're being way, way too hard on yourself. Yeah, you made mistakes, but she did too!"

"What're you talking about? She didn't…"

"She could've stood up for herself earlier, in a less confrontational way. She could've told you right out that she wanted you to be upfront and open about your relationship. She's not guiltless here, and I'm thinking she's working from emotion than from hurt. She better damn well know when she's gotta good thing, and not throw it away. Once she cools down a little, she'll come around."

Joyce looks at the girl, feeling a strong affection for her and her loyalty. So young, she just doesn't get it…

"Taylor, you're sweet, "She grips the younger woman's hand, squeezing it. "And I so love how you come out swinging to defend me," Joyce can't help smiling, just a little. Then the frown reappears. " But what I did was wrong, very wrong. I made her feel… useless, unnecessary and unwanted. Those are hard to forgive, hon. And Faith is one to do what she says she's going to do. She…maybe I should just accept she's moving away from me, moving out like this…" Her voice has a bleak tone.

"No way!"

"I'm sorry?"

"NO WAY!" Taylor stands up, looking around. "I've watched you make something out of this place. You're gutsy Joyce, and not one to quit. You want this girl, well then, quit the pity party, and you get her back. She loves you, at least you think so, and you love her. So, don't accept this "I'm leaving" stuff!"

"It's not that easy Taylor…"

"Yeah, well nothing worth it ever is. Is it, Joyce?"

From the mouth of babes…

"NO, I guess it's not, is it?"

"So, what're we gonna do?"

"Get her back," Joyce says quietly, without much spirit in her voice.

"I'm sorry, I didn't hear that!" Taylor stands over Joyce. "Never gonna win with that 'tude!" She leans down, looking in Joyce's face. "What're we gonna do? C'mon, let me hear you!"

"Get her back!"

"Louder!"

"Get HER BACK!" Joyce almost yells it out, and strangely, feels more hopeful.

She gives Taylor a sidelong glance.

"You didn't happen to be a cheerleader in school, did you?"

"You betcha! Santa Maria Warriors. Three years running, Captain in my senior year."

Now, how did I know that? Joyce feels a lot better than she did just a few minutes ago.

Taylor turns and looks at the debris in the office. "God, whatta mess. We better get busy…"

2

"Screw this!"

Buffy sits brooding at her window, once again angry at her life.

It's been a few hours since her blowup at the breakfast table, and she's still burning mad. How can she do this? Why do I have to suffer just because that … idiot… Faith says so? Who does she think she is, anyway?

Know what? I don't care. I really don't! I'm tired of living here. No one wants me around, anyway. They hate me, and I hate them. I HATE THEM!

She walks over to her vanity. Stuck in the frame are pictures of her and Dawn, her and her mother. Even one of her and her mother and Hank and Dawn. She pulls them down, tearing them up and throwing them in the trash.

For a moment, she stares at the trash can, feeling a sense of loss. Then her expression hardens.

What do I care anyway? They don't. They'll probably be glad to get rid of me, you know? They just think I'm trouble, anyway. I'm sick of them looking at me like I'm some kinda ugly bug. I'm sick of them, period.

She strides over to her closet, and pulls out a couple of suitcases. She takes them, and throws them on the bed.

She stands looking at the cases, feeling irresolute. Despite her anger, she feels rather lost. Despite everything, this is her home; it's hard to just walk away.

Where am I gonna go? I don't know anyone here… I so HATE this town! I don't know anyone here, I can't go anywhere; I'm stuck here, like some prisoner… She takes the cases, and throws them across the room, in the general direction of the closet. Flouncing down angrily on the bed, she stares out the window.

The room feels more and more like a prison cell. I can't go anywhere, I can't do ANYTHING, without asking… mommy first. Like I'm 5 years old or something. I'm almost an adult, but she treats me like a child! I'm stuck here, in this stupid prison, in this stupid town, with these stupid, stupid people!

She hops to her feet, pacing, looking like a caged panther.

Back and forth, back and forth. She pauses at the window, looking out.

The day is bright and sunny; everything outside looks fresh and renewed, full of life and color. And I'm stuck in here, she turns away from the window, looking at her room. It seems dark and gray in the room, the light partially blocked by her body. All the color seems leached out, leaving only blacks and whites and shades of gray. She feels gray, inside and out.

She's startled when she hears a car pull into the driveway. God, is she back already? I thought she'd be gone longer! Just what I need, another lecture from mom on what a rotten daughter I am. I can hardly wait.

She turns around, and is surprised when, instead of the SUV, she sees her Father's car; with her father getting out of the car.

I thought he wasn't coming. I thought she was going to call him to cancel… She suddenly smiles, her eyes narrowing. She must've forgotten… well, too bad for her!

As if a curtain has been pulled back, revealing a secret room she's never seen before, it suddenly hits her. Dad. I can live with Dad. He's living here now, that's what he said last night. So, why can't I live with him now? Even if he doesn't stay, I really DON'T care. Not like I like it here…

She hears knocking at the front door. She smiles, realizing freedom from all this is at hand. Looking over at the closet, she hesitates a moment. Maybe I should… no, not yet. Gotta think. Gotta make it right. Make it so he wants me to be around.

She goes to the window, and calls down below.

"Dad?"

Hank emerges from the porch, looking up at her window.

"Buffy? What's going on? Where's everybody?"

"Oh, they left. It's just me… I'll be right down…"

"Did you ask you're mom if you could spend the day with me?"

"Oh yeah," Buffy says, "She's cool with it. She had some work to do at the gallery, anyway…"

"What about Dawn? Is she with you?"

"Uhhh…" Crap, I forgot about Dawnie…" No, she had a date with her boyfriend… you met him last night… remember?"

"Really? What was his name… Randy?"

"No, Xander."

"Oh yeah… right," Hank frowns. "She couldn't even make a day for her old dad?"

"You know Dawn, dad. She's all about herself… no probs, anyway. We'll have more fun without the squirt…"

"Don't call your sister names, Buffy… and can we stop yelling? I think the neighbors will call the police soon."

"Be down in a sec, dad."

Buffy starts out, then pauses at the mirror. She unbuttons her blouse a few buttons, and primps her hair. Taking a critical look at her makeup, she nods approvingly.

Finished, she walks over, kicking the cases in the closet.

Won't need ya right now, but soon… She smiles to herself. Pretty sure I can convince daddy to let me come live with him.

Smiling a Cheshire cat smile, she goes down to meet her father.

3

Faith pulls the bike into the driveway on Revello drive, pulling the bike close to the garage. Cutting the engine, she sits there a moment, staring at the garage door.

Well, nice going there, Faith. Really nice. Really mature, blowing up like a bad tempered child at her. Did she really deserve that?

Faith swings her leg off the bike, turning to stride up the walkway to the front door.

I dunno, god, I just don't gotta clue what to do, really. She won't listen to me. She won't consider my opinion; she feels I just don’t know enough… and I gotta admit, it really hurts to think someone you care about and respect don't respect you back.

Yeah, well, maybe she would respect you if you tried talking things out, rather than losing your temper and running away when things don't go your way.

She doesn't listen. I try to talk to her, and she doesn't listen. What am I going to do, just hang in there and pretend it doesn't bother me that she doesn't treat me like a partner? I mean, that's what this is about, right? Being together, sharing the stuff, being a couple. I beginning to think maybe she doesn't even want that…

Faith lets out a deep sigh, digging in her pocket for the key.

I dunno. All I know is, I gotta get outta here for awhile. Give me some time to think, her time to think. Maybe we can work this out, but right now, all I know is I don't know what to do. I can't go on being treated like anything I say or do doesn't count.

Faith lifts the key, intending to put it in the door. But her hand is shaking so badly, she has a hard time shoving it in the lock.

God, look at me. I hate this. I HATE THIS! I don't want to do this. I don't want to go. God, why can't this just go smooth, for once? Why can't things just be good? Why does it always gotta get shitty?

Faith leans against the doorjamb for a moment, trying to collect her cool and calm herself.

She's had to leave before, enough times to know what it's like. But this isn’t like any time before; her insides feel like they've been run through the mangle cycle on extra mayhem. Everything hurts, and nothing feels right.

Fuck, fuck, fuck! She feels the tears starting to burn her eyes. Why can't I ever get it right, just once? Why can't… oh shit, just shut up and do it. Get packed and go before you chicken out and go crawling back on your knees. Nothing's gonna get right unless she wants to make it right. Don't you get that yet?

Angrily, she shoves the key in the lock, opens the door , and slams it behind her.

This is totally fucked!

4

Stupid. Stupid, stupid, oh, and did I say?… stupid?

Dawn strides hurriedly up the sidewalk to her home. She's obviously angry and hurt. Her cheeks are flushed and her eyes are puffy, threatening tears.

Why'd he even do that? What was he thinking, anyway? He knew we were going to meet at the Espresso Pump. Is he going senile? Last night, just before we smooched goodnight, he said "See you tomorrow at the Pump around noon, ok?"

Ok, so I was a couple of minutes early. No big. At least, I thought no big, but boy was I wrong!

There he was, chatting up Janice, god! And she was so close, you couldn't have driven a piece of paper between them with a sledgehammer!

How could I be so stupid? To think he'd want to hang out with me, a stupid new kid? Lowest of the low? Even freshman are better than a new kid! God, what the hell was I thinking, anyway?

How could he do that to me? ME! I … he… GRRR… ALEXANDER HARRIS! I HOPE YOUR THING SHRIVELS UP AND FALLS OFF! YOU… YOU… BOY!

Oh, sure, he said it wasn't anything. WHORE of a bitch Janice just CAME UP and started talking to him. HAH! Talking, my ass! I saw the way she was all over him, like a cheap suit on a pimp! Doing the hair flip thing! And the giggle as the lame jokes thing! rubbing up against him, touching him with those … claws… of hers. And he's just standing there, not EVEN trying to back off or get away. Just eating it up like a cat slurping milk!

And he THINKS I'm going to buy that lame-o story how he was just standing there, minding his own business?

"Dawnie, I swear, I wasn't flirting with her!" He said, lying through his perfect white teeth!

"Oh yeah, like you were sooo repulsed by her! I saw you, Xander Harris!" I said, full of righteous anger and fury!

"But, Dawnie, really, it wasn't anything. She was just trying to…"

"Don't EVEN! I know what that… THAT… SLUT was trying to do!"

Does he think I'm stupid? Does he think I just fell off the turnip truck?

”Dawn, quit acting crazy! It's not like that at all! She just wanted me to join the debate team…" Does he think I didn't know when he's lying? "She thinks I could be good team member!"

"Do you think I'm stupid, Alexander Lavelle Harris?" I stood there, proud, arms crossed, glaring him down with my best withering stare!

"Stupid? I didn't say you were stupid!" The lying, cheating creep said to me, his gorgeous black hair falling over his lying, cheating beautiful eyes!

"Well, you must think I'm stupid, if you think I'd buy a lame-o excuse like that one!" Take that! You despicable, cheating gorgeous hunk of a skunk!

"B-But Dawnie, I'd never…"

"I don't talk to cheating, lying two faced BASTARDS!" I turned, my body straight, my hair gorgeous, my chin held HIGH! I strode away, valiant and vindicated, leaving that … that… man slut in my dust….

Yeah, except that never happened. I saw them laughing and talking, that witch touching his arm, flirting like mad, and what did I do? I slunk away like a wounded puppy, tail firmly planted between my legs.

HOW COULD HE DO THAT TO ME! BASTARD! MEN ARE BASTARDS, EVERY ONE OF THEM!

She was so wrapped in her cloud of anger and despair that she was halfway past the second house down from hers before she even realized it.

Damn him! Now I can't even find my way home. Creep! Loser! Creepy Loser!

She turns around, and starts back, muttering curses and thinking violent thoughts women have used for centuries when contemplating the cheating bastard male of the species. She's crossing the driveway when she notices Faith's bike parked up next to the garage. She pauses; then for the first time this morning, it seems, she smiles.

Good, Faith's home! She'll know what to do. Maybe I can get her to go with me. We'll beat up Xander, and maybe tear that slutty whore of a Janice Peters to bits. Or at least, she can tell me how I can get back at that… grrr…

Still hurt and frustrated and angry, she nevertheless feels better, lighter somehow. Now that someone's here… to listen.

She quickly trots up the steps, and enters, hoping Faith isn't busy.

"Faith? You here?" She calls out from the foyer, looking around.

No answer.

Where is she? Dawn moves towards the kitchen. She must be down…

"Uuuumph!" Dawn lets out a grunt when she nearly trips over the bag.

She looks down, seeing a large duffel bag sitting in the middle of the floor. What the hell?

"Faith, you here? What's with the bag?"

Faith appears in the kitchen, slipping into her leather jacket. Seeing Dawn, she pauses. Smiling tightly, she stands looking a little guilty.

"Hey, kid," Faith says as she turns back towards the cellar.

"What's going on? Why is your bag here?" Dawn starts to get a cold feeling in her stomach.

Faith, still not looking at her, half shrugs. " Things just haven't worked out, kid." She walks towards the cellar door.

" 'Things haven't worked out'? What's that supposed to mean?" Dawn plays it dumb. She doesn't want to really think about what that means.

Faith pauses at the door. She looks at Dawn, and immediately feels some little pain in her heart. She really likes the younger woman.

"It means, Dawnie," she says softly, "That me being here isn't working out. It's time I moved on."

"What? Y-You're leaving?" Dawn feels as if the air is suddenly thicker; too thick to breathe.

Faith nods, her face tight. "Yeah, pretty much, Dawn."

"And what? If I hadn't come home, you'd just be gone? No goodbye, nothing. Just gone?" Dawn's voice starts to rise.

"I would've left a note or something…" Faith shrugs, realizing how lame that sounds.

"A note," Dawn goes over to her, hitting her on the arm.

"HEY!" Faith glowers, rubbing her arm. "What was that for?"

"You're leaving, and you're maybe going to leave a NOTE!" Dawn yells at her, hitting her again. "You just walk out, and all I get is a STUPID NOTE!" Dawn's face flushes, and she turns away, steaming. "What kind of stupid, mean trick is THAT!"

"Dawn?" Faith is somewhat surprised at Dawn's vehement reaction. "I wasn't trying to be mean…"

"You live here, and one day decide to leave, and tell NO ONE, and that's not MEAN? How do you figure that one, Faith?"

"I told your mom, Dawn," Faith says quietly.

"What? When? I mean, geeze, we don't even get any warning here? You weren’t leaving this morning Faith. When you talked to me this morning, you didn't say ONE thing about leaving. Everything was fine. What happened? Why are you leaving now…?"

Faith stares at her, not exactly knowing what to say.

I can't tell her what's going on between Joyce and me. I promised Joyce I wouldn't. She feels her anger rise; Faith really hates lying. Especially to someone she cares about. So nice, so very nice… she deserves the truth, and I can't tell her. Dammit!

"Look, Dawn, let's be honest here, " Faith almost cringes at that statement. "Things haven't gone right since I got here. I thought, being here, I could help out… but I just seem to make things worse… so, it's better if I leave now…" Faith starts down the stairs.

"Who told you that?" Dawn follows her, not letting her off the hook. "Who told you it'd be better if you left? Not me, I can tell you! I like you here. I can talk to you about stuff. I NEED to talk to you about stuff! I can't talk to mom about this stuff, she'd have a fit. And Buffy…" Dawn's eyes suddenly go wide. " Buffy. It's Buffy, isn't it?"

"Dawn, no. It's not Buffy. It's not any one person or thing. It's a whole lotta things, ok? Things just aren't working out, and …"

"Don't try to protect her! God, everyone tries to protect her, and all she does is spit in your face for doing it!" Dawn throws her arms heavenward, looking up as if talking to God directly. "How does she do it? How does she manage to ruin everyone's life!" She looks back at Faith. "It's always this way. It never changes! Buffy this, and Buffy that. Everything revolves around her! God, I'm so sick of it, I wanna puke! She ruins everything, and always gets away with it!" Dawn wants, needs something to kick. Only seeing the sofa bed handy, she walks over and kicks it. " OUCH! Dammit, that hurts, "She grabs her foot, rubbing it. " God, I can't even kick something and get away with it, and she gets away with everything. I hate her! I HATE HER!"

Faith walks over to Dawn, grabbing her by her shoulders. Her face is angry, and she shakes her.

"HEY!"

"Don't EVER say that, Dawn! I don't care what she does, don't you ever hate your sister!" Faith glares at her, causing Dawn to wilt a little. "She's family, your blood, Dawn. Don't ever forget that!"

"Stop it! Let me go! You're hurting me!" Dawn cries, trying to wriggle out of Faith's grasp.

Faith releases her, but doesn't move away. " You only get one family, girl. I don't care how mad you get at them; that's just fine. But you never hate them!"

"Leave me alone! You're leaving, you don't care! You're not the boss of me!" Dawn stumbles back and away from her. "Don't you lecture me on what to do!"

"Dawnie, just because I'm leaving, that doesn't mean I don't care about you. I do, Dawn. I care about you a lot."

"Then don't leave!" Dawn's voice takes on a desperate note. "Whatever it is, we can fix it. We can make it right, I promise. Just don't leave, please. I need you. Buffy, stupid as she is, she needs you. Please, don't go!"

"Dawn," Faith feels like she's being torn up inside all over again. God, I didn't know it was gonna be this hard! "…honey, this is something that just can't be patched over. It's … more complicated than that. And, for now, it's best I'm not here…"

"No, it's NOT!" Dawn shakes her head, face flushing again. "It's NOT best you're not here! Why can't you see that?" She stares at Faith, her voice growing harder. "What about my mom? How does she feel about this?"

Oh, god, Dawnie, don't ask me that!

"You're mom knows I'm leaving, Dawn," is all she says.

"That isn't what I asked you! I asked how does she feel about this? You leaving?"

"You should ask her that, Dawn," Faith evades the question.

"I'm asking you!"

"Dawn, it's not my place to say, all right? You have to ask her…"

"No, it's so not all right!" Dawn walks over to Faith, grabbing her arm. "Do you think I don't know what's going on? Do you think I'm stupid?"

Not in a million would I think that, Dawn.

"Of course not. But… Dawn, look. Even though I'm leaving here, I'm going to be in Sunnydale. At least for a while. Just because I'm not here, doesn't mean we're not friends, ok? I still like you loads, kiddo. If you need me…" She walks over, grabbing a pen off her desk. Ripping a sheet off the pad, she writes something down. "… you can get me here. This is where I'll be staying. My cell phone number's on there too, ok?"

Dawn looks at the sheet of paper, then looks at Faith. Slowly, she crumples the paper in her hand, and tosses it away.

"Dawn! What're you doing?" Faith goes to recover the paper.

"Forget it, ok?" Dawn's voice takes on a cold tone. "I know why you're leaving, even IF you won't come out and say it. And frankly, I'm thinking maybe it's for the best. Maybe you don't belong here, after all. You're just like her…" Dawn's face grows harder. "All you care about is yourself. Well, good luck with that. And hey, don't let the door hit you in the ass when you leave…"

Dawn turns, and trots up the stairs, seething.

"Dawn, wait. Honey, don't … let me talk to you…"

"Frankly, I don't really think we got anything to say to each other, do you?" Dawn calls over her shoulder. "Seeya… but I won't hold my breath waiting."

With that, Dawn exits the basement, slamming the door after her.

Faith stares up the stairway, biting her lip to keep it from trembling. She turns, and seeing the dresser, kicks it hard.

Cool move, Faith. Really cool.

5

Buffy stands at the motel window, holding the shade open with her hand. She has a faraway, contemplative look on her face as she watches the late afternoon sun heading towards the horizon.

She pulls her father's shirt closer to her body, suddenly feeling a little cold. She feels a little confused, and a whole lot lost. She can't help wondering if what Hank's asking of her is right.

He thinks I'm special. I know he does, he told me. And I love him… I want to keep him around… I need him… I need someone who loves me…

"Buffy?"

Hank enters the room, wrapped in a bathrobe. His hair is damp, indicating a shower. He walks over to Buffy, putting his hands on her shoulders.

"Are you ok, pumpkin?" He asks, sounding concerned.

Buffy leans back into him, and his arms snake around her waist, holding her closer.

"Yeah, I'm ok," she says in a soft, little girl voice. "Just thinking…"

"What're you thinking about?"

"I just don't know if it's right," Buffy says softly, leaning against him. "I just don't feel right doing it."

"Buffy, I know it's hard for you…" Hank says, soothingly, "It makes you feel like you're sneaking around, right?"

"Well… yeah," Buffy admits. "It just doesn't seem right, somehow…"

Hank sighs.

"Buffy, I know you feel it's wrong, but it's the only way. I wouldn't ask you if I had any choice."

"But, daddy…" Buffy looks at him, brow wrinkled with concern.

"Buffy, your mother wants to take you away from me. You and Dawn, both. Do you want that?"

"N-No…"

"Then you've got to do this, Buffy. I'm not asking you to do anything illegal… just keep your eyes and ears open. If you see your mom, or…what's that girl's name?"

"Faith," Buffy face sours.

"Yeah, Faith. If you see them up to anything, doing anything… together… just let me know. I'll take care of the rest." He looks Buffy in the eyes. "I know you feel like your telling on them, but they started this, Buffy. Not me. I didn't want to have to spy on them, but their forcing my hand. I won't lose you and Dawn. You understand?"

"Yeah, I get it," Buffy says, her expression hardening. "I'll do it. She doesn't mind spying on me, does she."

"Exactly. Your mother's real good at digging out the dirt. Let's see how she likes it served up to her."

"And… " Buffy turns around, facing him. "You'll do the other? Let me come live with you? I can't … I won't live there anymore. I just can't."

"Buffy, as soon as I can, I'll let you. For right now, I need you with your mother."

"Ok," Buffy doesn't seem thrilled by that prospect.

"C'mon," Hank puts an arm around her shoulder. "We better get you dressed and back home before you mom makes a fuss."

"I need to shower first…"

"Ok, I left some towels in the bathroom for you."

"Thanks, dad," Buffy says, smiling brightly.

Hank smiles back, and turns towards the bedroom.

Buffy's smile quickly fades, her expression tight.

This is what I want, isn't it? To live with dad? It's what I want!

Still, as she heads for the bathroom, she doesn't seem very happy at all.

6

"Buffy? Dawn?"

Joyce moves into the foyer, looking around at the apparently empty house.

Where is everyone? Joyce looks up the stairs, not getting any response. It feels so… empty…

"Faith?"

Joyce's voice reflects her fear and hope. Fear that she'll meet Faith again, and it'll be round two, and even harder than it was in her office, and hope that she'll meet Faith again, and they can straighten this out, make it right.

Getting no response, she moves further into the house. She's turning towards the living room just as a crash comes from the cellar. Startled, she whirls around.

What the heck was that? Faith? She starts towards the cellar door, and stops. Whoa up. What if it's not Faith? I didn't see her motorcycle in the driveway. What if it's a burglar? She starts towards the phone, and stops again. What if it IS Faith, though? I mean, she could've parked down the street, I wouldn't have noticed … and I didn't see any evidence of break in… oh that'd really do it. Call the police on her!

But what if it is a burglar? Damn!

She looks around, and not seeing anything, goes to the broom closet. She comes out with a mop.

Oh, this'll be just great… but… damn…

She walks to the cellar door, and opens it quietly. She backs off, and looks around the corner. Cellar light's on… ok… oh god… I'm really not up for this!

"WHOEVER YOU ARE, YOU BETTER LEAVE NOW! I'VE CALLED THE POLICE, AND I'M ARMED!"

She hears another crash, and her heart leaps into her throat. Damn, it IS a burglar! She starts to back away toward the phone.

"I can't find it. I CAN'T FIND IT!" A voice yells, full of sorrow and frustration. "I know it's here! Where IS it?"

Dawn?

"Dawn? Honey, is that you?"

"I can't find it!"

Joyce goes down the stairs, and stops.

The whole basement apartment is in disarray: the furniture at odd angles, as if moved around, the bedclothes torn off and on the floor. The trash can is upended, and the papers and cans are sitting in a heap on the floor.

Dawn, for her part, is on her knees. She's in the far corner, trying to reach under the dresser.

"Dawn Summers! What happened? What're you doing?"

Dawn looks up and sees her mother. She scrambles to her feet, standing by the dresser. She looks both sad and guilty at the same time.

"Dawn, what's going on? Why're you in Faith's apartment?" Joyce surveys the room, frowning. "Did you do this?"

"I'm looking for something. I lost something…" She rocks back and forth on her feet, feeling nervous.

"You lost something? Down here, in Faith's apartment?" Joyce is puzzled and concerned. "What's going on here?"

"Nothing, forget it. Not important," Dawn says in a rush, as she heads for the stairs. She starts up, when Joyce calls out.

"Dawn, stop!"

Dawn stops, gripping the railing.

"Come back here, I want to talk to you."

Dawn turns, but she doesn't move.

"Dawn, come here." Joyce's voice takes a stern note.

Dawn, with a sullen expression on her face, comes down the stair. She stands at the foot, staring at the floor.

"Would you like to explain yourself? Why are you tearing up Faith's private space? Don't you think she'd be upset, considering? I know you wouldn't like it if I started rifling through your room, would you?"

"Why would she care?" Dawn looks up at Joyce, defiantly, "I mean, she just moved out…"

Even though Faith had told her she was going to move out, the reality hits her like a hammer. She stands there, stunned.

"Moved out?" Joyce says, quietly. I thought at least I… I'd have a chance to talk to her… I thought maybe I could smooth it over…

"Yeah, moved out. This afternoon. Said it wasn't working out here…" Dawn's tone is angry and hurt and confused at the same time. "Why? What happened? Why did she think that?"

"Dawn… I don't… I don't know what …"

"DON'T LIE TO ME! I'M NOT A CHILD!" Dawn yells at her, shocking Joyce. She can't remember the last time Dawn yelled, period. "Do you really think I'm stupid, mom? I know you and her had a fight or something. Was it over Buffy? Did my great, wonderful sister do this?"

"No, Dawn, this isn't about…"

"Don't lie to me, mom. I'm really sick of it. Everyone thinks because I'm the youngest, I'm totally stupid. Well, I'm not stupid, mom! I know this had something to do with Buffy. If there's trouble, just look for Buffy. You know she's at the center of it!"

"Dawn, that's enough about Buffy! I told you, it wasn't about her!"

"Then what was it?" Dawn looks at her mother, and catches a strange expression. What's the guilty look for? Oh, my GOD!

"She…oh my god, she hit on you, didn't she? Oh my god, she hit on you!"

"What?" Joyce looks at her daughter in amazement. "Where did that come from?"

"Oh, please, mom!" Dawn puts on an exasperated tone. "Do you think I'm blind? I could see the way she looks at you, and you've been all smiles. I figured she was flirting a little with you. I mean, she is a lesbian after all. I imagine it's kinda natural enough…" though, eewww… flirting with my mom? "… but I'm guessing she saw you today, somewhere, and she hit on you and you freaked out and told her to leave…"

"Dawn, that's really …"

"Well, what else could it be? It must've been a little freaky for you, I mean, she's not a whole lot older than I am, and she makes a pass at you. But, did you have to tell her to leave? I mean, it was just a mistake, couldn't you forgive her for it? I mean, Buffy blows it all the time, and you forgive her… and … I really don't want her to go… c'mon, mom, give her another chance here. I'm sure she won't …"

"Dawn, stop! It wasn't anything like that! Please, I'm old enough to…" Joyce stops. She looks into Dawn's questioning eyes, and somehow, she can't lie to her anymore. Not about this. It's too important.

"Then, it was Buffy! I knew it! She ruins everything! God, mom, don't do this. don't let Buffy drive Faith away. We need her here. Lately, she seems to be the only sane person left in the house… you gotta fix this, mom, please?"

God, how did everything get so darned twisted around? This… I just can't do this anymore.

"Dawn, again. It's not about Buffy. I really need to talk to you, honey. There's something I need to tell you…"

Dawn mistakes the look in Joyce's eyes, and cringes a little.

"What did I do? Did I do something? Did I…"

"Dawn, no. Please, come upstairs. Please."

"But I…" She looks around the room. "… I've got to find that paper…"

"Let's talk first, then we can find it, ok? I'll help you, after…"

Something in Joyce's words or phrasing, maybe it was her tone, tips Dawn to the fact that this is important. And maybe, something she isn't going to like.

"Mom, I really…"

"Dawn, please. It's important."

Damn.

"Ok, mom…" Dawn licks her lips. Somehow, she's suddenly nervous. She turns, and heads upstairs.

As Joyce follows her, the reality that Faith is gone, really gone, hits her. Hits her hard. She feels all she wants to do is go to her room, lock the door, and hide under the covers, crying. But she can't. Because of Dawn… and Buffy. They need her now.

And they need to know the truth. Now.

7

"No way!"

Dawn stares at her mother, shocked. She can't believe her ears; she really can't believe what her mother told her.

Joyce has just spent the last 90 minutes, telling Dawn about her and Faith's true relationship. It hasn't been easy; some of it has been downright painful. And knowing Faith is gone, maybe for good, doesn't make things easier.

But she told her, every bit of it… editing out the intimate parts… About Boston, and how Hank found out, and blackmailed her to break it off with Faith. How she thought she'd never see her again, until that night she showed up at the gallery. How they'd been having an affair since, first at Faith's, then here. How they've been keeping it from everyone, because of what might happen if it got out.

"… and then, she left. She was hurt, thinking I didn't respect her. She thought…" Joyce winds up the story. Her voice is calm, but her eyes are sad.

"What?" Dawn sits there, slightly open mouth, blinking at her. "You… and…wait a minute… you and Faith… you two knew each other… you've…" Dawn feels a strong internal shudder, though she doesn't show it. Parents and sex, ewww. Parents having sex with a friend, double ewww! "… you two have…" She looks at her mom like she just landed from Mars. "How, I mean… why? No, how did it… did you… I mean, I thought you guys were like… friends, ok, I thought that was cool… and were flirting a little… ok, that's cool… but… oh… my … god…"

Joyce, despite her sadness, almost has to laugh. Seeing her normally cool, calm, sophisticated "Oh, god, mom, like who doesn't know that" teenaged daughter bamboozled almost to the point of speechless is almost priceless. Ok, Joyce, this is serious. But she's so cute looking confused! Stop it! She needs answers, not you laughing at her.

"Honey, I know it's hard to accept…"

"You had sex… you two… had sex?" Dawn asks as if the very notion was impossible.

Joyce blushes furiously. Just like her to ask the one really embarrassing question, isn't it?

"Well… yes, honey, we did … we were intimate…"

"But… you're not supposed to have sex except with Dad, and I NEVER want to know about that…" Dawn almost shivers.

"Dawn, please!" the mention of Hank is like a glass of ice water over the head. "You're father and I haven't been … intimate… in awhile…"

"Does that mean you go and have sex with the first person you find? What's that about?"

"Dawn Marie Summers! It's … it wasn’t like that…"

"So, what? All this time she's been living here, you guys have been doing it? I mean, what? Did she go to your room, or you to hers… oh my god, you were doing it down there, and I was… " Dawn gets that look on her face again; it's somewhere between amazement and disgust.

"Dawn, you make it sound dirty… it isn't… wasn't dirty…" Joyce says, defensively. "I know this came as a shock to you. Maybe I should've done it better, but I felt you needed to know the truth…"

"Oh yeah, I need to know the truth. My mom is a lesbian. Yeah, I really needed to know that!"

"Dawn, I don't know what I am, or have any label for what I am. I just know I love Faith…"

"You love a woman. That makes you a lesbian, mom. Look it up sometime!"

"That's enough, Dawn! You make it sound dirty…" Joyce is beginning to understand exactly what Faith meant, now. "Faith is a lesbian, so is Willow. Is it bad for them to be… like that?"

"That's Faith and Willow. That's NOT MY MOM!" Dawn explodes out of her chair. "My mom isn't supposed to be a lesbian! She's supposed to be with my dad…" Dawn starts to cry now. "You're supposed to love each other…"

"Dawn, honey…" Joyce gets up, circling the table to comfort her daughter.

"No, stay away. Don't touch me!" Dawn yells at her, backing away. "You're a lesbian. God, maybe I'm a lesbian too. Maybe Buffy's a lesbian. Maybe that's why she's so weird. Why you guys fight so much. God, I hate this, I hate ALL OF THIS!" Dawn seems to fold in on herself, holding herself.

"Dawn, it's not a disease. It's not catching…" Joyce moves over to her daughter, who backs up. "I love you, Dawnie, please, don't shut me out…"

"Just stay away from me," Dawn says in a little girl frightened voice. "Just leave me alone!"

"Dawn, baby…" Joyce moves closer.

"This isn't right. None of this is right!" Dawn says, miserably. "It's not supposed to be like this …"

"Sweetheart," Joyce says gently, "no matter what I feel for Faith, that doesn't change what I feel for you. You're my little Dawnie. My sweet little Punkin-belly. That'll never change." Joyce wraps her daughter in her arms.

Dawn resists for a moment, weakly, then gives in.

"Why? Why did this happen? I don't…" Dawn looks up at Joyce with bright, tear filled eyes.

"Honey, shhh," Joyce cuddles her daughter. "You're father and I… we've been growing apart for a long time. Long before the divorce and the rest. We finally just realized that we aren't the same people we were when we got married. We've grown and changed, and we grew apart. We just don't love each other anymore."

"You… you don't love daddy?"

"No, sweetie. Not anymore."

"But… if you changed how you feel about him, that means you might change how you feel…"

"No," Joyce cuts her off. "Never!" She cups Dawn's face in her hands. "I love you baby, and I always will. You're my daughter, and that's for life. I'll always love you and Buffy, no matter what happens. That's why when push came to shove, I left Faith… back in Boston. I couldn't think of a life without you and Buffy in it."

"But why can't you make it work with dad? Why can't you try?" She breaks from Joyce, standing apart.

Joyce just looks at her daughter. What more could she say that won't make Hank out as the villain? She doesn't want to ruin her relationship with her dad, nor come off as the victim. She just wants to make Dawn understand.

"I'm sorry, sweetie. We just don't love each other anymore."

"You're supposed to love each other. It's supposed to be forever. How can you not love him anymore?" Dawn looks at her, simply not getting it.

"Dawn, I…"

"Never mind," Dawn cuts her off, not wanting to hear it anymore. "This all really sucks, you know? Why didn't you tell us? Tell me, at least. Why were you keeping it some big secret? Were you ever going to tell us? I mean, if Faith hadn't left?"

"Dawn, honey, I'm sorry. I really am. I should've told you, but I was afraid you wouldn't understand. I really don't understand all of it, and I …"

"Do you know how stupid I feel? Thinking you and Dad would work it all out, that we'd be a family again? That maybe Faith could stay on, be …" Dawn turns away. She can't look at her mother. "This is all fucked up!"

"Dawn! Don't use that kind of language!"

"Why not? What's the point? It's all screwy now, isn't it? No wonder Buffy is worse than usual. Does she know about you and Faith? Am I the only idiot around here?"

"No, honey. I haven't told Buffy about it."

"Well, at least it kinda makes sense now…"

"What do you mean?"

"I couldn't understand why Faith was so over the top trying to protect Buffy. She got kicked outta school and fired because of Buffy, and I mean, c'mon, if she's just the 'boarder', why? But I guess she was just trying to impress you or something…"

"Dawn Summers! That's unfair. Faith cares about you and Buffy. A lot."

"Yeah, sure, that's why she left, right? Because she cares so much." Dawn's face gets a sour look. "God, what a dope I am. She pretends to care, cuz she's your lover, and I fell for it. I'm a dope, a real dope."

"Dawn, that's just wrong. Faith does care about you."

"Oh yeah, right. Again, not stupid, mom. She was just pretending to care, because well… she wanted to get down your…"

"Dawn Marie Summers, don't you even finish that sentence!"

"Why not? It's the truth!"

"It's not the truth. Faith genuinely cares about you and Buffy."

"Yeah right."

"Dawn, that first night, when she came here with Buffy, drugged out of her mind in tow, she didn't even KNOW Buffy was my daughter. She just jumped in and helped her because that's the kind of person she is. She was very surprised when I answered the door; as I was, seeing her there with Buffy. I thought at first she was…" Joyce blushes. She waves it off. "It's terrible what I thought. But even after she knew, she stuck around, to be sure Buffy would be ok. It didn't matter what I thought; she just cares about people. That's who she is…"

"Sure mom, sure," Dawn has a blank look on her face. "She cares so much, she leaves first chance she gets. If she cares so much, why did she book?"

"It's my fault Dawn, ok?" Joyce feels backed into a corner. "She was angry with me, because I didn't believe her when she told me about Buffy and Hank. I just couldn't believe what she was saying…" Joyce looks at her youngest closely. "She said you said you saw something funny…?"

"What? NO!" Dawn gets defensive. "I mean, I came in with Xander, and dad was here, talking to Buffy… and everything seemed… oh I don't know… god, why did she even tell you? She wasn't supposed to tell you!"

"Dawn," Joyce switches to mom mode, her mom antennae buzzing. "Is there something to what she said? Is something going on between Buffy and Hank?"

"I… I don't know mom, it's just I felt… like an intruder when me and Xander walked in, you know? And Buffy gave me dirty looks all evening. But then, she always gives me dirty looks…" Dawn trails off. She doesn't want to get into this. "That's why I didn't want her to tell you. I knew you'd get all weird about it."

"Dawn, I'm very serious. I have to know. If you think Buffy is doing something wrong with your dad, I really have to know!"

"No… I … I just don't know mom, ok? I just… god, I wish I never told Faith…" Her lips tighten. "See if I ever trust her with a secret again…"

"Dawn this is … you … we can't keep something like this secret. It might hurt Buffy…"

"God, Buffy again. Is she mental, or something? She's almost an adult; can't she start acting like it? She should be able to take care of herself by now…"

"I need to know, Dawn. Was there something…?"

"I told you mom, I don't know, ok?"

Joyce sighs. She knows better than trying to push this. But, god help us if something is happening to Buffy, and we can't face it!

"All right, honey. I'll let it go. But if you feel something like that is going on, come to me, ok? We'll work it out together."

"Whatever," Dawn says, sick of this subject. Sick of it all, actually. "It's just as I thought. Buffy had something to do with this… " She starts towards the stairs.

"Dawn, where are you going?"

"To my room, mom. I really need to not be here right now…"

"Dawn, please, let's talk about this. We really need to talk about this …"

"Not now, mom. I mean, you just nuked me, and I need… I just need …"

"What? A personality?"

Joyce and Dawn turn towards the front door. Buffy is standing there, arms loaded with packages.

"Buffy?" Joyce, seeing the packages, groans internally. Damn! I forgot to call Hank. He must've come by, and Buffy didn't tell him anything, of course! "Where have you been?"

Buffy sees the look on her mother's face, and realizes that she's not going to get away with this. Aw, crap!

"Out," She mumbles, using the time tested teenage response.

"So I see. And where did you go when you were 'out'?" Joyce asks, with some asperity in her tone.

"Nowhere," Buffy uses another time tested response.

"Nowhere, hmmm?" Joyce walks over, looking at the bags and boxes. "And where did these come from, then? If you went nowhere, that is?"

"Huh?" Buffy looks as if seeing the packages for the first time. "Oh yeah, well, I did a little shopping. Is that a crime now?"

"Somebody's really in trouble…" Dawn pipes up in a sing song voice.

"Shut up, Squirt!"

"Don't call me Squirt…"

"Dawn…" Joyce tries to head off the sibling warfare. "Maybe you should go upstairs, leave me and Buffy alone."

"Yeah, get lost, Squirt."

"Mom!"

"That's enough from you, Buffy Summers," Joyce's tone turns harsh. "And you too, Dawn. Please go upstairs, now."

"Mom, I didn't do anything!" Dawn protests.

"Except be majorly ugly and stupid," Buffy puts in.

"Shut up, Butt hole!" Dawn retorts, "You're so gonna get it!"

"ENOUGH!"

Both girls subside.

"I need to talk to Buffy, alone." Joyce says firmly. "Ok, Dawn?"

Dawn grumbles, and starts upstairs. She stops halfway and turns around. "God, no wonder Faith left. She's sane, and you're both nuts!" She turns and storms off.

"Dawn!" Joyce yells after her, uselessly.

"Faith left?" Buffy looks puzzled. "What's she talking about?"

"Where have you been, Buffy?"

"What does she mean, Faith left?"

"This isn't about Faith. This is about you! You're on restriction, young lady, or did you forget that? I didn't give you permission to go out, as I recall. Especially after that tantrum you threw at breakfast."

"I did some shopping. Geeze it's not a big deal…"

"Where did you get the money? I didn't give you a credit card."

"I used my own money."

"Uh huh," Joyce sounds skeptical. "I know what I give you for allowance. It wouldn't finance this."

"I've been saving up!"

"You were with your father, weren't you?" Joyce cuts right through it.

"What if I was? I have a right to see my father! I'm almost 18, you can't keep him from seeing me!"

"I can if you sneak behind my back to do it, Buffy. You're a minor still, you live under my roof, and I'm responsible for you. While you live here, you'll follow my rules."

"Well, maybe I won't live here, then!"

"And just where do you think you'll live, Miss?"

"Maybe I'll go live with dad!"

Joyce makes a face. "In case you haven't noticed, Buffy, your dad isn’t exactly the domestic type. He's real good at playing Santa Claus…" Joyce indicates the packages,"… but when it comes to the real stuff, the life stuff, he's never there. So, not going to happen."

"It so is! I'm going to be with him, whether you like it or not!"

"Really? Well, I have a court order that says differently. I have sole custody, Buffy. You're dad doesn't. Until you're an adult, you live under my roof, and follow my rules."

"I don't think so!"

"Well, think again! Like it or not, this is your home, Buffy, and I won't tolerate this sneaking around anymore. Pull this again, and I'll go to court, revoking any rights your dad has to see you!"

"You're lying! You wouldn't do that!"

"Just try me, young lady!"

Buffy stands there, glaring at her mother. Slowly, her face relaxes, and her mouth sets in a hard smile.

"Fine, whatEVER!" she moves over to the staircase, and turns. "I'll live here. But you know what? I'm glad Faith moved out! She was nothing but a pain in the ass, troublemaking nosey bitch! I hope she …"

SLAP!

Buffy's eyes narrow, and she almost sneers as her cheek reddens from Joyce's slap.

"You think you got all the cards, don't you mom? Well, just remember, things can change, you know." She turns in a huff, and storms upstairs.

"Buffy! You come back here! What's that supposed to mean? Buffy!"

Buffy doesn't stop, turning right when she hits the landing

"BUFFY!"

8

She was on fire!

Sure, she's been drinking… drinking a lot, as a matter of fact. But that doesn't slow her down, or make her sloppy. Not her. The alcohol only added fuel to her fire, and she moves with the speed of a cheetah and the grace of a panther.

Redheads, brunettes, blondes… she doesn't care. She dances with anyone she pleases. After all, she was free now, right? No more worries, no more responsibilities. Just her for her, and she can be with and dance with and whatever with whomever she wants… right?

Yeah, baby, god I was a total moron! What was I thinking? Hooking up with someone with kids and all that crap? And that's what it was, wasn't it? All that crap? Oh, yeah! C'mon, I'm young! I should be out dancing and partying and having a good time. Not fucking around with some woman who's just going to make me crazy. Treat me like I'm a toy, something to play with then put away when the serious stuff happens!

Gimme a break, ok? I mean, I'm putting my ass on the line here, and I get nothing! I'm like that old guy. Never get no respect, not for nothing. Well, forget that. Faith is just about having fun from now on. No more worries, no more nothing! Got it? Oh yeah, loud and clear. Five by five, that's what I am, now that I'm outta that mess!

She keeps dancing, moving through the crowd, looking and doing a little booty hunting. Looking for a tasty morsel to dance with, maybe get a little sweaty with; in short, a willing someone to get her naughty on. She spies a particularly sweet looking thing, dancing facing away from her. The way she's shakin it, she knows her stuff and wants to use it, Faith thinks, licking her lips.

She maneuvers around the other dancers, slithering through the crowd as sinuously as a python stalking its prey. She dances around, fronting her back to the other girl first, showing off her own stuff. She feels alive, she feels free; she an inferno. She knows she's hot, because she can feel the eyes of her target scanning her sweet body.

She turns around, a smirk plastered on her face. It quickly fades to a frown.

It's Tina dancing in front of her, giving her that " I know what you're doing" look she always gives Faith.

"Tina? What the hell? What're you doing here?"

"Doing here? I think I'm dancing here, Faithy," Tina smirks, shaking her hips for all they're worth.

"No, that's not what I mean. I mean, here, here. What're you doing in this club?"

"Are you trippin', Faith?" Tina shakes her head. "Why shouldn't I be here?"

"Uhhh… well, for one thing you're in Boston…"

"Yeah, so?"

"And I'm not…"

"Aren't you? Hmmm… that's odd… well, doesn't matter I guess. I belong here, you know…"

"What?"

"Look around, Faith. Don't ya recognize the faces? These are all girls who's hearts you've mangled…"

Faith looks around, and notes the crowd has thinned … a lot. There are just a few girls standing around, all staring at her. Some she recognizes right away; others seem familiar… but she couldn't name them to save her life.

"What the heck is going on here?"

"That's what I'd like to know…" Tina is still dancing in front of her. "What's the what, anyway? Why're you even here, you know? I mean, what, are you up to your old tricks again?"

"What're you talking about?" Faith asks, glancing away.

"You know very well what I mean…"

That voice…

She looks back at Tina. But it's not Tina anymore, it's Joyce. And she's not dancing anymore. She standing there, staring at Faith, arms folded across her chest.

"Isn't this what you always do? Fall for the girl, get close to the girl, but when things get just a little rough, run like a rabbit?"

"What the FUCK?"

Faith snorts, and awakens, zooming up from a prone position. She sits there, feeling foggy and sweaty and clammy at the same time. She looks around, her eyes squinting in the morning sun.

Scattered around the bed in the cheap motel room she's staying is a collection of beer cans. On the dresser is a bottle of Jack Daniels, a good third of it gone.

"Where the fuck am I?" Faith mutters, sweeping a couple of empty cans off the bed.

She can't concentrate very well. Her mind feels fuzzy; her head feels stuffed with cheap cotton. Her mouth feels like a car ran over it a few dozen times. Her temples are throbbing to some long forgotten dance music, and the sun is making her eyes feel like tiny daggers are being stuck in them.

She's in the throes of a major hangover.

Groaning softly, she forces herself out of bed, staggering a little as her uncooperative legs seem to want to collapse beneath her. Bad mistake, as the effects of the seemingly gallons of alcohol she poured down her throat last night haven't worn off yet.

"This is wrong on sooo many levels," She mumbles, holding onto the cheap dresser to keep from keeling over. "for one thing, I don't think the room is supposed to be… oh…GOD!"

The room starts to spin faster, and turning lovely shade of green, she stumbles into the bathroom. The sounds of vomiting can be heard.

"Aw fuck," She groans, staring down at the toilet bowl in front of her. She reaches up and pulls down handle, the smells coming up making her want to upchuck more. She pushes off the toilet and sits back on her butt, trying to remember exactly how she got here.

Last night is pretty much a blur, with lots of spots where she just can't remember anything at all.

She remembers leaving the house on Revello drive, feeling as if her guts were all twisted up. She remembers hitting a couple… couple? Must've been every fucking bar in Sunnyhell… drinking, sometimes dancing, but mostly drinking. Trying to put out the burning inferno in her heart, the acid pit in her stomach. Nothing seemed to work; the more she drank, the worse it became. That didn't stop me from drinking, I'm guessing… She groans, and suddenly is up at the toilet again, making another sacrifice to the goddess of the toilet bowl.

What the fuck did I do after that? She stands up, feeling wobbly and weak, but at least nothing was imitating the merry-go-round at the fair anymore. She staggers out of the bathroom, and seeing the mess on the carpet, groans. Must've stopped and bought a good supply of booze… shit… she stumbles over weakly, and sits on the edge of the bed, hands cradling her throbbing head.

She soon learns there is no rest for the wicked, or the weary. Her cell phone goes off, the ring buzzing madly, causing her head to feel as if two very burly blacksmith's are taking 20 pound sledge hammers to each side of her head.

"CRAP!" She yells, scrambling to grab the phone and end the torture. "What?" She growls in the phone.

"Well, good morning, sunshine. Glad to see you're your usual sweet self in the morning…"

Faith makes a face. Double crap!

"Tina?" Faith looks at the phone as if it has grown fangs. "What do you want?"

"Well, I think that's kinda my question, babe. What do you want?"

"HUH?" Faith makes a face. "What're you talking about? I really don't feel up to games this morning…"

"I'm not the one playing games here, Faith," Tina's voice takes on an edge. "I got woken up a couple of times last night, only to have the phone slammed down in my ear. And then, checking my voice mail this morning, I've got a whole bunch of incoherent messages from my favorite drunk, calling me names and yelling at me. So, what's going on, babe?"

"Dunno what you're talkin' about," Faith says thickly. What the fuck did I do last night? Shit!

"Gimme a break, wouldya?" Tina sounds a little exasperated. "Ya think I'm making this up, moron? I'm not so anxious to hear your not so charming voice to start making up crap like this. And hey, not so happy about being hauled outta bed after a rather nasty night at the shop. So, stop jerking me around here. What do you want? Except to call me a fucking no good bitch slut whore who can't help a friend in need, oh and to threaten to come over here and beat my ass into the ground, and then ride one's bike into the bay because your whole fucking world's going to hell on you." She chuckles dryly. "If it weren't so pathetically funny, I might be pissed off… well, more pissed off. So what's going on? Trouble in la-la land? The woman get smart and kick your ass to the curb?"

Fuck, how does she do that? "Look, forget it, ok? Sorry about the calls, but it's really nothing, ok?" I need a drink. Lots of drinks. Yeah, that'll make things better…

"Hey, Faith, babe…" Tina's voice softens. "We're still buds, ok? I'm just feeling a little grumpy. What's up? Did you and the old broad have a fight?"

"She's not an old broad!"

"Whatever," Tina can't help smiling a little. "Did you guys have fight or something? Did she get smart and kick your lazy ass out?"

"Hey, supposed to be my friend. Why're you figuring I did something? I walked out!"

"Didya now, girl?" Tina's voice takes on the familiar Irish lilt. " So how come you're getting all maudlin and weepy in your messages, sounding like a schoolgirl with a broken heart?"

"Just because I walked, Tina, doesn't mean it didn't hurt…" Faith's tone gets edgy. "Maybe you can break it off without any feeling, but I'm not made that way."

There's a long pause.

"Fuck you, Faith McKerrigan. Don't ever call me again, ok? I really don't need this crap dredged up again and again and again. I never cheated on you, how many fucking times do I gotta tell you that?"

"Funny how you say that, but I got people telling me you were cheating on me from day one…"

"Who told you that crap?"

"Merry for one!"

"You believed that bitch?"

"Only after a whole bunch more told me the same fucking thing, Tina Gallagher! I was just another fucking toy to you, a conquest. You never loved me!"

"You're a bigger fool than I thought you were, Faith. I never loved anyone like I loved you, dummy. I loved you so much, I woulda done anything for you. Don't you get it? Your friends lied to you. They didn't like us being together, they were jealous. I knew that, I tried to tell you that, but you didn't want to believe me. You were so fucked up about being gay, and your parents tossing you out, that you didn't want to believe what we had was right. Really right. So you glommed onto those 'friends' of yours telling crap about me. You didn't even listen to me, you didn't EVEN try to work it out with me. You just walked away from me!"

"God, you're a liar on top of being a cheat! I tried to work it out with you, but you never listened to me! You treated me like a kid…"

"You were acting like a kid…"

"I was not! I was hurt, what did you expect? Roses and kisses?"

"I expected you to listen. That's all, listen. But you don't do that, do you? That's your big problem, Faith. You rush into things, never listening to anything or anyone but yourself. You think you know more than anyone else. And when it blows up on you, you wonder what the hell went wrong. Maybe if you stopped and really tried to listen, to understand what's going on, you wouldn't be alone, hurting. You're kinda pig-headed that way, Faith. No one knows nothing better than you; you're so much smarter than anyone else. Well, baby, no one's that smart."

Faith wants to come back with something clever and smart and cutting. She wants to put Tina in her place, telling her she doesn't know her at all.

Problem is, she might be stubborn, but she's not stupid. She knows the truth when it hits her over the head like a frying pan. Dumb much, Faith?

"Where's the snappy comeback, Faith? Don't you want to call me a lying, cheating slut? C'mon, girl, you can do it," Tina's voice is edgy and hurt at the same time. "Why do you even call me, Faith? If you hate me so much?"

"I don't hate you, Tina. I never hated you. I was hurt…and I'm beginning to see maybe that was a lot my fault… but I never hated you…" She sighs deeply. "I'm guessing you pretty much hate me, though. With good reason."

"There you go, being stupid again, Faith McKerrigan. I don't hate ya, girl. You're a royal pain in the ass, but I don't hate you." Tina pauses a moment, to collect herself. "So, I'm thinking, not being the stupid one here, that you didn’t call me last night just to annoy me, so why did you call me?"

"Maybe I shouldn't be bothering you with this stuff."

"Don't you even try to weasel out of it now, Faith. You don't get me all worked up, just to cut me off at the last second. Now, what's going on?"

"Uhhh… well, Me and Joyce kinda split up…" Faith makes an impatient noise. "No kinda about it. I left her."

"Yeah, you kinda mentioned that."

"I did?" Faith frowns. "Oh, yeah, I did, didn't I?"

"Yeah, you did. So, wanna get to the why part? Just so I don't have to ask 20 questions to drag it outta ya?"

"She… she doesn't respect me, Tina. She doesn't listen to anything I got to say. I mean, not really. She acts like I'm some kinda kid. Like I couldn't know anything, you know? It really pisses me off, you know?"

Tina has to bite her lip to keep from laughing. Do I know? Were you even listening 5 minutes ago?

"So, got a taste of your own medicine, and not liking it much, are we?"

"I listened…"

"Faith, don't even go there…"

"Ok, ok, maybe I have that coming. But this is serious stuff… and she doesn't want to believe me, because she doesn't want to believe it…"

"What?"

Faith relates to her about her conversation with Dawn, and what it means.

"That's a pretty serious charge you're making there, Faith. You got proof?"

"Well, not like pictures and stuff. But Dawn did say…"

"Honey, you gotta understand. From what you told me, this Hank guy is pretty much a weasel. But suggesting he's molesting his daughter… his own daughter…you've gotta admit, that sounds pretty out there. You can't force someone to believe what they don't want to believe."

"But what about the girl? Buffy? She might still be being used by the guy…"

"If the charge is true. I mean, the sister. Dawn? Maybe she's got a thing against her sister… or her dad… maybe she was jealous because her sister was getting more attention than she was, or something… maybe she just got it wrong…"

"You're beginning to sound a lot like Joyce," Faith's voice gets tense. "This isn't something you lie about…"

"I'm not saying anyone's lying. But you can tell her what you know and think. After that, it's up to her. It's her daughter, Faith."

"But…"

"But nothing, Faith. You've done what you can. I'm not saying give up, but if you force the issue…" Tina sighs. "Look, if you really are convinced something's going on here, call the police. Let them handle it. You can't do anything more."

"I can't do that… and that's the problem. That's the deal. It's her life, and her kids, and I'm being put on the side. I'm not being made part of it; I'm being shut out. See what I mean?"

"Yeah, I do, and I gotta tell you, sweetheart, that you can't expect a whole lot more here."

"Huh?"

"Honey, she's had a whole life before she met you. Some parts of it are not about you. You can't go in and expect to be included in every little thing right away. You've got to give it time, let her adjust to you being a big part of her life. When she's ready, she'll include you."

"When? When I'm 60?"

"Faith…"

"No! I mean, ok, I get she's had a life before me. Maybe you're right in that I can't be expecting to be included in everything right away. But I want to be at least acknowledged as being part of her life now. That's not happening…"

"Faith, what're you talking about?" Tina is confused.

"Tina, she's not even letting us be a couple. Not in public, anyway. Not even in her home. God, I'm having to pretend to be the boarder. I hate this. I feel like…"

"… a whore?" Tina's voice has a sarcastic edge.

"I'm sorry about that, ok? Really… I was totally wrong."

"Forget it, sorry." Tina sighs, moving on. "look, Faith. I understand how you feel, I really do. I've been there, ok? Thing is, I made a total mistake, and maybe if you listen…"

"I'm listening!"

"Ok, ok, just checking. What I'm saying is, maybe I can spare you the same pain, ok?"

"Ok… but how?"

"First of all, do you love her?"

"Well, yeah…"

"I mean it, Faith. Do you really love her? Is this the one you want the long term thing with?"

Faith doesn't even pause a second.

"Yes."

"Then, you've got to back off, Faith."

"Huh?"

"You can't push her, Faith. You have to give her time to come to terms with this. Pretty much, you're her first woman, yes?"

"Yeah, I told you that."

"Exactly. Now think hard. Remember how weird it was for you, first time, when you realized you were attracted to women. Don't play the PC game. It was weird. We're taught it's weird, and it's hard to dump that programming. Ok? Remember?"

"Yeah."

"Well, take that times 10 for her, because she's learning about this kind of late in life, you know? She thought up til she met you, she was straight arrow. She's probably been taught that loving another woman, romantically and all, is very wrong. She's lived her whole life thinking that way, and you want her to just come out and say, 'Ok, I'm gay now'? It doesn't work that way, you know? She has to deal with it, all of it. She has a lot to lose, Faith. A lot. She has to put everything on the line for you, and that's not easy. So, maybe for once, have a little patience, and give her the space to realize this is what she wants."

"This is my life too, Tina. I know what I want. Why can't she just decide what she wants, and stop waffling? Just choose."

"Were you listening? No matter what she chooses, how she works it out, she's got a lot to lose here, kiddo. She chooses you, and she could lose her family, her friends, her business… "

"What?"

"Believe it. You said she's a gallery owner. That's based on reputation, and she's bound to lose some clients once she 'comes out'."

"Aren't I worth it?"

God, Faith, why do you have to ask me THAT question, you idiot?

"Would you let me finish, please?" Tina says out loud.

"Sorry."

"Thing is, she comes out, she loses… maybe a little, maybe a lot. She doesn't come out, she loses you. Get the picture here? Either way, she loses. She's got to come to the point where she decides what she's willing to lose." Tina's voice softens. "You know what that can cost, Faith."

Faith is silent. Just your family and people you thought were friends…

"Ok, ok, this is the part where you tell me I'm stupid?" Faith says ruefully.

"No, not stupid. You had to make a stand, Faith. Maybe you could've done it better, but you had to tell her you weren't happy with the way things were. Now, you just gotta give her the space to come to the right decision."

"I guess…"

"What?"

"What if she decides that I'm not worth it? What she might lose?"

There's a silence between them.

"Then I guess it's better you know… don't you think?"

Faith, miserable, feeling like crap, can't help the tears that start to stream down her face.

"I guess…" her voice breaks.

Tina feels a sharp pain in her own heart. She wants nothing more than to be with Faith, to hold her and comfort her. To make it better for her.

Tina is still carrying a Faith sized torch around.

"Faith," She says softly, "You can always come home. There're people here who care about you…"

"Sorry, sorry, getting weepy. Must be the booze," Faith's voice hardens up.

"Yeah, the booze," Tina agrees, putting another bandage on her heart. "But I mean it, babe. If this don't work out, come home. You can stay with me until you find your own place."

"Thank, Tina. You're the best."

If only…

"Look, babe. Love swapping insults, but I gotta run. Gotta business to take care of, ya know?" Tina becomes all business again.

"Yeah, sure , sorry for the bent ear. So, I'll talk at ya later, ok?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever." I won't be holding my breath, ok?

"Later girlfriend."

"Yeah, Later."

9

Joyce sits at the dining room table and sighs.

She's going over the household bills for the month; never a pleasant task. Still, at least it served one good purpose. It helped to take her mind off of Faith.

After spending a sleepless night, thinking about the scene in the office, and Faith leaving, Joyce could use a break from those thoughts. Something to take the pain out of knowing that Faith was really gone; maybe this time for good.

Looking down at the bills, she shakes her head. Things are not as rosy as she makes them out to be. Despite the modest success the Gallery is having, things are getting tighter each month. Partly that has to do with having to reinvest a goodly portion of the profits back into the business, to attract more business. But a large part has to do with Hank's contributions to the household expenses. Or increasingly, the lack thereof.

Every month for the last few months, his checks have been getting smaller and smaller. How the hell does he expect me to raise and clothe the girls on what he gives me? Does he have ANY idea what that costs these days? It hasn't been that long since he was here; he has to know it takes a lot.

Maybe that is why she got so angry at Buffy yesterday. She saw the armload of presents under her arms, and just knows that that money could've been better spent on things around the house. And what about Dawn? What about her 'share', so to speak?

He's up to something; he's bribing Buffy for some reason… but why? What about his other daughter? Where's Dawn's share? God, just what I need now. Something else to worry about…

"Mom?"

Joyce, thinking she was alone, looks up, startled. Standing in the doorway is Dawn, looking uncomfortable.

"Dawn, honey? What is it?" Joyce gets up, going over to her daughter. "Are you ok?"

Dawn doesn't meet her mother's gaze, and instead looks away.

"I… uhhh… " She licks her lips nervously. "Look, I'm sorry about yesterday, ok? I was … you really surprised me, you know? I didn't know how to handle it…about Faith. And you… and I …" she looks up at her mom, "… you really love her, then? I mean, it's really real?"

Joyce nods. "Yes, honey, It's real. I'm sorry too. I should've handled it better. I should've been honest with you earlier. I was just afraid how you girls would react to it…"

"I guess with good reason, huh?" Dawn smiles ruefully. Then she frowns. "I was just hoping that you and dad would somehow work it out… kinda dumb, huh? I guess I shoulda figured that the divorce thing was kinda final on that…" she shakes her head, and moves over to the table, sitting down. "How can they do that?"

Joyce, not exactly following, goes over and sits across from Dawn.

"Do what? Who?"

"Men. How can they just … cheat like that? I don't get it. I thought you were supposed to love someone forever… I mean, the one you marry, at least, ok? How could he just … cheat on you like that?"

"Dawn… what're you talking about?"

"C'mon, mom. Again, I'm not exactly blind. I mean, when he was at home, and you guys fought… well, you weren't exactly quiet about it. I know dad was playing around. I guess, I just hoped that… I dunno, I guess it was kind of childish. I just wanted my family together. Stupid, huh?"

Joyce is touched. She knows how hard it must be for Dawn to talk about her feelings with her. Dawn is always so steady and quiet. I forget how much this must be affecting her.

"Honey, it's not stupid. It really isn't," Joyce reaches across, putting her hand on Dawn's. "I really wish, I do, that somehow we could take back the last few years. Maybe we could've worked it out, then. But… your dad and I… have just grown too far apart…"

"Mom, he cheated. He's a bastard. He never should've…"

"Dawn! This is still your father we're talking about. Whatever he did to me, you shouldn't call him a bastard."

"But he was, mom! He cheated on you. That's rotten. He's rotten for doing it!"

"Dawn, you're father isn't really an evil man. I think… no, I know, he's just weak. He's like a child some ways. He can't control himself." Why am I defending him? She's right, he IS a bastard! And he's her father, too. "Look, Dawn, honey. Just because he doesn't love me anymore, doesn't mean he doesn't love you. You know that, right?"

"Yeah, sure…" Dawn doesn't sound so sure.

"Dawn…"

"No, mom, I'm sorry. He didn't just cheat on you. He cheated on us, too. Even if Buffy is too… " Dawn makes a rude noise. "… blind to see it. He didn't care so much what we'd feel when we found out, did he?" She frowns in disgust. "Men are all alike. They pretend to love you, care about you, but in the end… someone else comes along, and hey, they forget all about you! Who needs them, anyway? They're all dogs!"

Joyce cocks her head, and fights desperately to hide a smile. Uh, oh, sounds like this is about more than her dad.

"Honey, not all men are like your dad. Most are faithful and loving, you know." She scrutinizes Dawn's reaction. "Is everything all right, Dawn?"

Dawn almost immediately realizes she let too much out of the bag. "Huh? Yeah, everything's fine, mom." Except that Xander's a lying, cheating bastard. But he's a guy, right? "Why do you ask?"

"Oh, nothing. Just wondering," Joyce smiles. Don't push it Joyce. She'll talk about it when she's ready. "How's Xander these days?"

"Fine, he's fine," Dawn answers a shade too quickly.

"Ok, honey," Joyce pats her hand. "But, try not to be too harsh on your dad. He really does love you."

"Ok, mom," Dawn stands up. She suddenly wants to be gone. Before her mom figures out that maybe she's not being exactly honest with her about Xander. "I guess I'll go upstairs, do some studying. We have a test in math tomorrow."

"Ok, honey," Joyce smiles. God, why can't Buffy be more like her? I have to practically lock her in her room to get her to study. "Is Buffy upstairs?" She's almost afraid to ask.

"Yeah, she's locked in her room. I heard her stereo. I think she's ignoring both of us. Like, I'm heartbroken over it."

"Dawn…" Joyce gets that tone in her voice.

"Chill, mom. I'm not being nasty. I'm just glad I don't have to deal with her right now…" She frowns. "I miss her."

"Buffy?"

"No, god no! I miss Faith."

Joyce can't help the bleak look on her face. "I do too, honey."

"What about her mom? Are you going to try to make it up with her?"

God, if I only could.

"Dawn, I don't even know if she wants to. She's pretty upset with me. And I guess, I can't blame her. I'm beginning to realize I didn't treat her very well."

"But, you're going to try, aren't you?" Dawn leans on the table. "You're not going to just give up, are you?"

"No, honey. Of course not. But I might have to give her some time."

"Please, mom, I know I was pretty negative yesterday about you and Faith. But I've thought about it, and if she makes you happy… well, I won't be marching in any Gay Pride parades, but I do want you to be happy, mom. And, well… we need her here. Things seem better when she's here, you know?"

"I know, sweetie, believe me, I want her here, too," Joyce says quietly. "But for now, I have to give her some space. I think she needs that." And I need to figure a way to approach her without making it worse.

"Ok, mom," Dawn looks a little lost. "I guess I better go study for that test tomorrow…" She turns, starting to walk away. She stops at the doorway, hesitating.

Joyce looks down at the bills, and sighs. The way she feels right now, the last thing she wants to do are the bills. She looks up, realizing she hasn't heard Dawn go upstairs. She sees her daughter still standing in the doorway.

"Dawn, was there something else?"

Dawn hesitates another few beats, then turns around.

"Mom, can I talk to you?"

Joyce smiles, and waves at the chair.

10

Xander Harris trudges along towards Sunnydale High Monday morning, his shoulders slumped, looking puzzled.

At his side is Willow, strategically silent. Like her friend, she seems distracted.

"I don't get it," Xander complains, as they turn the corner on Jefferson. "I really thought she liked me."

"Maybe something came up, Xander. It's not like her to just break a date. Ok, I haven't dated her…" She sees Xander's look, and puts up her hand. "Honest, nothing there, Xander. Promise! But I kind of know Dawnie, and she's not flighty or mean or anything…" She touches his arm. "Did you try to call her?"

"I was supposed to call her?"

"Xander!"

"I guess that 80 or 90 times I dialed her number and got no answer but her voice mail doesn't count?" Xander looks at Willow out of the corner of his eye.

"Sarcasm? Not pretty on you, Xan," Willow chides him. "Voice mail? So, she didn't answer?"

"Uh, no. And I don't get it. Sure, I can see maybe missing a few of the calls, but I left so many messages I think I filled up her voice mail. All I know is, I got the "Sorry, the subscriber's voice mailbox is full. Please try back at a later time."

Willow makes a face. "Ah, Xander. That sounds bad. Like, she doesn't want to talk to you…"

"Yeah, that's kind of what I've been saying. I just would like to know, why?"

"Well, what did you do?" Willow stops him, before they reach the gates. "C'mon, spill it."

"Excuse me? What did I do? Exactly what's that supposed to mean? Why do you figure I did anything?"

"You're a guy, Xander. Of course you did something," Willow says simply.

"Again, I say 'Excuse me'?"

"Xander, haven't you been paying attention? I've been trying to help you be a better guy here by understanding women better. Am I wasting my time?"

"I'm trying to understand, but you're not making it easy. Stop with the cryptic."

Willow sighs. "You're a guy, right?"

"Well, yeah…"

"Ok, well, simply put, whenever there's a disagreement between a guy and a girl, the guy is wrong."

"Huh?" Xander stands there, blinking, mouth open.

"Xander, you look so much better with that closed."

Xander snaps his mouth closed.

"Ok, now you're just … wait, how's that possible? The guy is always wrong?"

"Are you disputing my word, Xander?"

"No…" He's doesn't sound sure, "wait a minute. The guy's always wrong? Even if he's right, he's wrong?"

"Very good, Xan. You're learning."

"Hold on, I'm thinking here…" Xander starts to pace. He looks at Willow, then turns away, pacing some more. He comes back. He opens his mouth. He closes his mouth. He goes away and paces some more. He finally comes back, standing in front of Willow. "Ok, Will. You know I trust you. You're my spy on the XX side. But I just don't see the logic here. Where's the fairness? I went to the Espresso pump, showed up as agreed, on time, and waited. And waited. And waited. And she stood me up. And I'm wrong? Where's the logic in that?"

"Xander, if you're going to go all testosterone on me, I really have better things to do, you know…"

Willow starts towards the gates, leaving Xander behind.

"No, wait, no. Willow, wait!" Xander rushes after her, getting in front of her and blocking her way. "I'm sorry, I'm very sorry. Honestly. I bow to your superior knowledge of all things female…"

"Female?" Willow arches a brow.

"All things, period! Please, help me. Please, please, please? I'll be your bestest friend…?" He smiles charmingly.

God, what a con artist.

"I dunno. You already are my best friend. What else you got?"

"Ummm… Mochas? Creamy mochas, lots of sugary goodness…" Xander waggles a brow.

"Oh, please! Xander, I have your entire love life in my hands, and you think I can be bought for mochas? Are you nuts? What else?"

Xander is beginning to look panicked. He starts digging through his pockets.

"Uhhh… I've got … let's see… here's a dollar… and here's another… and…" he pulls out his wallet. "I've got a couple of bucks in here… and my driver's license, and…"

"Ok, now that's just rude. Money? You think I want money?" Willow sighs, and starts up the stairs. "I see my time is wasted here…"

"What? Will, please! I'm desperate here. Anything, name it!"

Willow stops, a tiny smile on her face. Oh, god I'm being such a bitch. And damn, I'm loving it. "Anything?"

"Anything. I promise, if I can get it, it's yours!"

"Well, seeing how you're my boy, and I love you dearly, we'll just keep the favor on the backburner for now. But if I name it, you gotta provide, ok?"

"Absolutely! Positively!" Xander, relieved, goes to Willow on the steps, and throws his arms around her legs. "You're my goddess, you know that?"

Willow, almost laughing, felling a sense of unbalance happening, extracts herself from Xander's worshipful embrace. "Ok, now this is totally embarrassing Xander," She says, laughing merrily. "Stand up and stop being a dope!"

Xander is quickly on his feet. Even so, his enthusiasm is overflowing, and he grabs her, kissing her chastely on the cheek.

"Ok, enough with the sloppy kisses and obeisance, please. I'll help you!"

"Thank you, thank you!"

"Now, I need you to think…"

"Hey, you never said thinking was involved!"

"Do you want my help or not?"

"Thinking, I'm thinking…" Xander looks so serious, with the furrowed brow and grim visage, that it almost starts another giggle storm out of Willow. "What am I thinking about?"

"I need you to think back to Saturday, when you were supposed to meet her. What went on, since the time you arrived?"

"Well, gee… I got there a little early, because I wanted to like buy the mochas without her seeing how tapped I was…"

"Xander, do you think Dawn really cares if you're kinda on the poor side…"

"Do I want to advertise the fact? No, not really, thank you… anyway… I got there, and I was just going to the bar to buy the mocha's when Janice Peters walked up. We got to talking, and well, she was being friendlier than usual… you know how she can be… and anyway, she wanted me to join the debate team…"

"Wait a minute. You, on the debate team?" Willow shakes her head. "In what bizzaro universe would that happen?"

"I know, it was weird, you know? But she was being so nice, I hated to go back to the other way, so I just kind of zoned out… and then, I kinda refused, you know? I mean, c'mon, me? On the geeks speak squad? Don't think so! So, she shrugged, and said ok, and left…" Xander frowns. "Something weird, though… now that I think about it."

"Weird?"

"Well, she was sometimes looking over my shoulder, and smiling … as if she saw something funny behind me…"

"Behind you?" Willow's lips tighten, just a little. "Did you happen to look behind you?"

"No…why?"

"Think, Xander. You're waiting for Dawn. She doesn't show. Janice does show, and starts flirting with you. All the time, she's looking over your shoulder, and making little faces. Dawn never shows up, won't take your calls…"

Xander stands looking confused.

"Xander, Xander, Xander. What am I going to do with you?" Willow sighs, shaking her head. "It's pretty obvious. Dawn showed up, saw you chatting up Janice, and thinks…"

"No way! Janice Peters? You're joking, right? NO WAY! That would be almost as bad as… " Xander shudders. "… Cordelia Chase!"

"Let's not bring her into this, shall we?" Willow snaps. "What're you going to do about it?"

"Do? Why should I do anything? I'll just explain to Dawn she made a mistake…"

"Ahem. What is the guy, Xander?"

"Huh?"

"Xander… the guy is…"

Xander sighs. "… always wrong. Right. I remember now."

Willow smiles. "See, I knew there was hope for you yet." She smiles, putting her hand on his arm. "Now, what're you gonna do to make it up to her?"

He shrugs, looking sheepish. "I dunno. I suppose it involves a lot of groveling?"

"Oh, I'd say at least 2 weeks…"

"Hey, guys!"

Xander and Willow turn around to see Dawn running up towards them.

Willow smiles and backs off, figuring these two need some alone time.

"I'll see you in class, Xander," She turns to leave.

"Where you going?" Dawn asks, pulling up to the two of them.

"To class. I figured you and Xander had something to work out?"

"Oh… you mean about Saturday?" Dawn blushes, looking embarrassed. "Yeah, sorry about that. I actually did show up, Xander. But I saw you talking to Janice, and well, I got it all wrong and got jealous and slunk away. I should've come up and asked you what was going on, but I kinda messed up there… forgive me?"

" What? How?" Xander looks stunned, and very confused.

Willow looks stunned, herself.

"I… I thought you'd be mad at Xander?" Is all she manages to get out.

"Oh, I was. I was burning. I was going to make a voodoo doll with Xander's name on it. Maybe stick pins in it, drown it, set it on fire…"

"Why didn't you?" Willow asks, totally confused.

"Yeah… how come your not mad at me now?"

"Well, I kinda talked to my mom about it. She kind of set me straight. She explained that sometimes some people who will remain nameless but their name rhymes with Ranice might be setting me up, trying to make me jealous so I'd break up with Xander so she could have him. And that Xander was probably just being nice to her, and didn't even think about anyone but me, see?"

Way to go, Mrs. Summers! Xander gloats. He turns to Willow, cocks his head and arches his brow.

Willow for her part shrugs, and looks embarrassed.

"Well, some people are obviously smarter and more mature than other people," Xander says. He offers his arm to Dawn. " Can I walk you to class?"

"Well, you better!" Dawn says, reaching up and giving Xander a peck on his lips. "Oh, and if I ever see you talking to Janice Peters again…"

"No, no! Not gonna happen, not me!" Xander says.

"Good." She turns to Willow, and smiles. "See you at lunch?"

"Uh huh," Willow is still shocked. It's not supposed to happen that way!

"Yeah, Will," Xander's tone is just this side of smart ass. "See ya in class." Smirking, he walks away with Dawn.

"If I see that Janice Peters around, I'm so gonna scratch out her eyes…the bitch…" Dawn says, as she and Xander recede down the hall.

Willow watches them go, shaking her head.

"Well, that was… UMMMPPPPHHH!"

Someone, someone strong, grabs her from behind and drags her into the girl's bathroom.

"MMPPH! LLMMMPH MMM GUUU NWWW R MMM GNN SKRMMM". Willow struggles against her captor, trying to get free. She's turned around, and pushed up against a wall by a taller, heavier brunette.

"Cordelia!" Willow gets out, her mouth finally freed of its gag. "What're you … Mmmmmmm"

This time she's silenced by Cordelia's soft, rich lips. Somehow, this gagging is so much more pleasant. She struggles a little, just for show, then gives in as Cordelia slips her the tongue. She feels the full weight of Cordelia's body as it presses her tightly against the wall.

She starts to melt into the passion of the kiss, when her pesky brain kicks in.

Wait a minute! WAIT ONE DOGGONE SECOND HERE! I'm MAD at her!

She struggles against Cordelia, and manages to finally push her away.

"What'd you do that for?" Cordelia complains, looking upset. "Didn't you like the kiss? It felt like you liked the kiss."

"That's besides the point!" Willow says, moving away from the wall so she's not trapped again. "I'm mad at you, remember?"

"Yeah, I know," Cordelia pouts, prettily. "It's totally unfair of you, you know."

Willow stares at her, agog. "You're kidding me, right?"

"No, I'm not kidding."

"You're a real piece of work, Cordelia Chase. After what you did to Buffy and Faith? I'm supposed to be all lovey dovey happy with you? Well, if that's what you think, you gotta another think coming. Seeya…"

Willow turns, starting to walk out of the girls room when Cordelia grabs her arm.

"Let go of me, Cordelia, or I'll scream…"

"Would you stop?" Cordy pulls her around, facing her. "If you'd let me talk, rather than just figuring you know everything about everything…"

"I don't," Willow protests. Especially after what happened in the hallway just a minute ago… " but I do know a lot about you, don't I?" She shakes off Cordelia's hand. "Now, if you'll let me go…"

"Fine, go!" Cordelia folds her arms across her chest. "you know everything. Well, know this. On Saturday, I went to my dad, and I took blame for the whole college party thing. It took awhile to convince him, and I'm like grounded til I'm thirty, but he promised he'd meet with the board of regents and get the whole Faith being expelled thing taken care of. So, you happy now? I'm in major trouble here, and your little friends are all fine now."

"What about those creeps at Alpha Mu?"

"I dunno…I guess they'll probably get their charter revoked. I know I told my dad they're involved, and he was furious… so, I think they'll be paying too. Of course, when this gets out, I'll be persona non grata with them too. And you can pretty much bet it'll be a looong time before I go to anymore parties." She sighs. "Maybe that isn't enough, though. Maybe you'd like a whip, too?"

"How do I know you really did this?" Willow is somewhat skeptical. "Wouldn't be the first time you lied to me."

"Ok, fine, I'll call my dad. You can talk to him, ok?" Cordelia reaches in her purse, and pulls out her cell phone. She starts to open it, but a hand reaches over, closing over her hand. "Fine, whatEVER. You call him. He's #1 on the speed dial…."

"No. Just shut up, stupid," Willow says, as she pushes Cordelia against the bathroom stall, and engages her in a major lip lock.

Things start to heat up as hands start to wander over bodies.

"So," Cordelia pants, when the kiss breaks. "You believe me then?"

"Shouldn't I?" Willow asks, as she leans in and starts nibbling on Cordelia's ear.

"Huh? Oh yeah, you should… oh yeah… do that… again please…" She sighs as tingles rush through her body.

Willow obliges, and then Cordelia's hand slips under her blouse, and another major passion pit kiss occurs. Both women are breathing very hard when the kiss breaks.

"We… should stop now. We gotta get to class… I do, anyway…" Willow says, not moving an inch.

"Yeah, I know. So gotta go to class. Ummm…" She leans in for another kiss.

"No, we better go, before we're late," Willow almost groans, so wanting to devour those soft, luscious lips.

Each straightens up a little , fixing clothes that got mangled and pulled out of their normal places. Cordelia goes and splashes some cool water on her face.

"So, when can we get together?" Cordelia looks at Willow, with major lustiness.

"Uhhh… busy after school?" The look is reflected in Willow's face.

"Cheer practice."

"Damn."

"But I'm free after 5… oh damn, I can't. School, cheer practice and home. That's all. I can't go anywhere else," Cordelia sighs heavily.

"Ummm… think I could come over?" Willow's nostrils are flared out, catching every bit of Cordelia's scent.

"Maybe… I could use a little tutoring…" Cordelia giggles.

"Yeah… you're falling behind again, right?" Willow pants.

"Uh-huh… sevenish? I'll fix it with my dad… somehow…"

"I'll be there, with bells on…"

"Those won't last long…"

"You're kinda horrible, you know that?" Willow says, opening the bathroom door.

"Yeah, I do. That's kinda why you love me…" Cordelia follows her out.

"Don't get a swelled head…" Willow counters, as the door swings shut.

A few moments later, a stall door opens up. Buffy's head appears, followed quickly by the rest of her. She walks over to the sink, and washes her hands.

Hmmm… now wasn't that interesting? She muses, looking at herself in the mirror. I wonder what that was all about?

Finishing up, she dries her hands and exits the lavatory.

11

Buffy sits at the back of the class, really not paying attention to the teacher.

That's nothing new; school isn't a big plus on her happy parade. But she has to be here, so she comes. And sits in the back. And stares out the window.

Her mind is on this weekend, and all that happened.

Seeing her dad again had been great. It was nice to be with him; she'd missed him a lot.

Being with him again made her feel wanted; needed. She needed to feel that, to feel part of something. Not on the outside. Not alone.

The good came with a price, however. He wanted her, not just for company. He wanted her all the way, and that was a price she was willing to pay, as long as he tuned into her . The only time she was sure, dead sure that she was the focus of his attention was when she held him inside her. She knew she had the power then, and she needed that. He could have her power. She was addicted to the attention it gave her.

That wasn't the only price. What he wanted her to do made her feel squicky inside. She didn't want to be the fly on the wall, the spy. But to get what she wanted from him, she had to do this.

A part of her, a large part of her hated this. Hated the contention and stress and the fighting that went on all the time at home. She didn't want to be a bad; but otherwise, they ignored her. Never saw her. When she was good, they ignored her. So, craving attention, and affection, she was bad. Not so bad as to be sent away, but bad enough to focus their attention on her.

Where she wanted it, where she needed it.

Why can't they just see me without all the drama? Why do they make me be this way? I hate being this way. But I don't get a choice. They want something, all of them. They want something to look at me, see me, be with me. All of them.

Faith leaving had rocked her. She's NOT supposed to leave! She wasn't supposed to just walk away! But what did I expect, huh? She's like the rest of them. Always going away, always leaving me alone.

Alone. She hated Alone. She feared alone.

When she was alone, that was when she had to face herself. Think about herself. Realize the truth about herself.

She was nothing. She never had been anything, and now she was even less than before. Inside she felt empty, and alone, and cold. A big gaping hole filled with no light, no hope; nothing.

Her Dad was something. Her mom was something. Even the brat is something. Not me. I'm nothing.

So every day was a struggle, a fight. A choice to pretend to be something, to mean something. Otherwise, if she was just herself, if she let her guard down, let them see the real her…

Buffy shuddered, as if struck by a cold wind.

Nothing. They would see nothing. And they would go away, and leave her alone.

Alone, all alone.

Always alone.

12

"Ok, Will, spill it."

"Spill what?"

Xander and Willow are sitting at lunch, waiting to be joined by the sisters Summers. Both have already raided their lunches; Willow is munching on an apple while Xander consumes some cookies.

"You know what I mean," Xander says, brushing crumbs off his face. "Give it up."

"I really don't know what you're talking about, Xander," Willow takes another bite of apple, chewing contentedly.

"Who's the mystery woman?"

"Who?" Willow gives Xander a 'you're not making sense' look. "What're you babbling about now?"

"The mystery woman. The woman you've been dating. C'mon, Will. I'm your bestest bud, and you so haven't told me who she is. It's not fair. I told you who I'm dating…"

"Oh, yeah, that was such a secret," Willow gives him a smirk. "Two seconds after you met her, you were drooling over Dawnie."

"Well, ok, so I wasn't exactly subtle about it. But still, I want to know who's won my Willow's heart. I mean, she obviously loves giving you the expensive gifts."

Xander looks at the necklace around Willow's neck. It's a gold chain, with a gold and platinum rose on the end, a diamond mounted at the center of the rose. Willow, noticing his gaze, blushes.

"Oh, it's nothing, really. She said it wasn't a real diamond…"

"Uh-huh… just like those studs in your ears aren't real diamonds, either? And that blouse… I've never seen it before…" he touches the sleeve, feeling the fabric. "Is this silk?"

"You wouldn't know silk from polyester, Xander Harris. Anyway, what does it matter? It's really none of your business…"

"Why the cryptic, Will? Why won't you tell me who it is?"

"Look, Xander. She's kind of … well, she's not really 'out', and she doesn't want everyone to know about us… you know? She asked me to keep it on the QT…" Willow looks up and away, behind Xander.

"I'm not everyone, Will! I'm Xander, your bestest friend in the world. You know I won't blab it… if you tell me not to. So, why the cloak and dagger?" He notices Willow isn't looking at him, but rather behind him. "What?"

"Something's going on in the quad." Willow stands up. "There's a crowd forming…"

"Huh?" He stands up next to her. "What's going on?"

"I dunno…" Willow starts towards the crowd, when both hear shouts and screams.

"Sounds like a fight…" Xander starts rushing towards it.

"Wait… Xander… shouldn't we get a teacher or something…?"

"What for? So they can stop it? C'mon!" He reaches back, and grabbing her arm, starts to pull her along.

"Xander! Stop! Someone could get hurt. We should…" She pulls away from him.

"Will, don't be a stick. C'mon, let's at least see who's fighting…" He pushes through the crowd. Willow sighs, and follows after him. God, doesn't he ever think? He could get hurt!

The pair push through the crowd, and as they get closer, they can tell by the voices it's two girls squaring off.

"Chick fight!" Xander grins, a little lasciviously.

"Xander, you're such a pig!" Willow frowns. "I'm going to get a …"

"You stupid bitch!" The voice carries over the crowd. "I didn't do ANYTHING to her! God, grow up, would you?"

"Whoa… Willow… isn't that…?"

"Buffy!" Willow confirms. "Who's she fighting with?"

"I dunno…"

"You SO did! She saved your butt from getting busted at that party, and you've done NOTHING but give her grief since! She lost her job because of YOU!"

Xander and Willow look at each other, wide eyed.

"Dawn!" They say, almost simultaneously.

"Oh geeze, we gotta get in there!" Xander says, pushing through the crowd. "We gotta stop them before…"

"I'm sick of your whining, Squirt! Why don't you go away and get a life!"

"QUIT CALLING ME SQUIRT, SHORTY!"

Willow and Xander break through the crowd just in time to see Dawn and Buffy circling around.

"Don't call me shorty, dumb ass. I can't help it if you can't control your bladder!"

"Oh, you lousy BITCH! I'm so gonna…" Dawn starts at Buffy, only to be stopped by Xander. "Xander! Get outta my way!" She pushes at Xander, but he doesn't move.

"Yeah, Xander. Let her go. I'd love to pound her into the ground!" Buffy starts towards Dawn, only to be diverted by Willow.

"Hold on, Buffy. Chill out!" Willow blocks her way to Dawn.

"Get outta my way, Willow. I'm warning you!" Buffy pushes Willow backwards.

"Leave her alone, Buffy!" Dawn yells from behind Xander. "Haven't you hurt enough people?" She ducks around Xander, and before he can stop her, she reaches Buffy, slapping her hard.

"Xander! Grab Dawn! Get her outta here!" Willow, recovering, goes to block Buffy before she can retaliate.

"You little miserable …" Buffy grabs Dawn's long hair, pulling on it hard. "I'm so gonna make you sorry you were ever born!"

"LET GO OF MY HAIR!" Dawn screams, grabbing Buffy's hair and yanking on it.

"OWWW! You LET GO!" Buffy kicks at her, missing.

Dawn kicks back, connecting with Buffy's shin.

"OWWW… THAT REALLY HURT!" Buffy yells, grabbing her shin. She makes a grunting noise, then rams her head into Dawn's stomach.

"OOOOOOFFF!" Dawn, wind knocked out of her, falls backwards, almost tripping into Xander. Xander pushes her back, and blocks Buffy's way.

"Knock it off, Buffy." Xander puts a hand on Buffy's forehead, holding her back.

Buffy tries to push against Xander's hand, but can't. She swings out wildly, trying to hit him.

"Let me GO, Xander Harris! Let me go or so help me I'm gonna hurt you!"

In the meantime, Willow has come over, and grabbing Dawn, gets her out of the way.

"Dawn, chill out! Do you want to … UUMMMPPHHH!"

Buffy, who's managed to get under Xander's hand, rushes over and knocks Willow in the back. Not expecting it, Willow is knocked off her feet.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Willow didn't do anything to you!" Dawn goes over, to help Willow to her feet.

She never makes it, because Buffy leaps on her, knocking her onto her back.

"You take it back, Dawn Summers! Take it back now, or I swear I'm gonna…"

A loud whistle blows, interrupting her.

Snyder, flanked by two security guards, has arrived.

"You'll get up off that girl right now, and stop this!" Snyder barks, blowing the whistle again.

Buffy ignores him, slapping her sister across the face. Dawn grabs Buffy's hair, and starts pulling on it.

"STOP THEM!" Snyder yells at the two guards.

One of the guards goes over, and grabbing Buffy, lifts her bodily off of Dawn. He struggles with the girl, who's determined to wriggle out of his grasp.

Dawn is up, and starts after them when the other guard grabs her. She squeals, and kicks back at him, hitting him in the shin. The guard, startled, releases his grip on her.

Dawn starts across towards Buffy, but Xander blocks her way. She tries to duck around him, but he moves with her, not letting her get away.

"Dawn, calm down! Let it go…" Xander tries to hold her.

"She started it! I was walking along to meet you when she starts in on me about some stupid thing! God, I hate her!" She tries to duck around Xander again.

"You've got more than Buffy to worry about right now," Xander says, looking over her shoulder.

Dawn turns around to see Snyder glaring at her. She kinda crumples.

"Oh man, when did he show up?"

"Oh… in time to see you two going at it." Xander frowns. He looks over towards Willow. "C'mon, we better help out Will."

They start to make their way over to her.

Willow, back on her feet, goes over to where Buffy is being held.

"What the hell is your trauma, Buffy? Why'd you hit me?"

"No one asked you to get in the way!" Buffy glares at her.

"Geeze, I was just trying to keep you from killing each other…"

"Why don't you mind your own business? No one asked for your help!"

"God, don't snap at me, Buffy Summers! Believe me, it won't happen again!" She turns away, muttering under her breath.

"What?" Buffy grumbles. "Speak up! Can't hear you!"

"Nothing. Wasn't talking to you…" Willow starts to walk away.

"What's wrong, Will? You don't usually got a problem butting in. Why back off now?"

Willow stops. Her lips tighten, and her eyes narrow.

Xander, coming up by her now, puts an arm on her shoulder.

"Just let it go, Willow. Let's just get out of here."

"Yeah, don't listen to her," Dawn agrees, "ignore her. She's only good at being a bitch anyway."

"Yeah, Willow. Listen to the losers. They'll steer ya right," Buffy calls out to her. "Hey, if you're really pissed at me, maybe you can get your girlfriend Cordelia to kick me off the squad!"

All three freeze in place this time.

Xander looks at Willow. Dawn looks at Willow. Willow goes a little pale.

"What the hell are you talking about, Buffy? Are you on drugs? I can't stand Cordelia Chase."

"Oh, really? That's not what it sounded like in the bathroom this morning…"

"Willow… what's she talking about?" Xander looks at Willow, suspiciously.

Dawn looks like she's swallowed something nasty.

"You and …the bitch from hell?" Dawn looks at her, disgusted. "She's lying, isn't she? Tell me she's lying!"

"You two sounded pretty cozy this morning… all panting and kissing and all…"

"Buffy, you're nuts… I wasn't…"

"Gimme a break, Willow. I was in the stalls. I heard the whole thing."

Willow looks mortified. She can't even look at Xander and Dawn.

Snyder, finished with the crowd, which he's broken up, comes over to the group.

"You two…" he glares at Buffy and Dawn. "In my office, now."

He turns away, starting towards the school buildings.

The two security guards take Buffy and Dawn in tow, leading them towards the principal's office.

That leaves Xander and Willow. An uncomfortable silence falls between them.

Oh god… oh, god, oh god, oh GOD!

"Look, Xander…" Willow starts, but Xander cuts her off.

"She's lying, isn't she Willow? Tell me she's lying, ok?"

Willow falls silent. She has nothing to say.

Xander shakes his head, as if he can't believe what he's thinking.

"Willow, please, this is some kind of sick joke. Tell me it's a joke… or something. Please, Will. I can't believe you'd be with her…again."

Willow turns to him, a slightly desperate look on her face.

"Xander… it's not that easy. I … I thought I was over her… but I love…"

"Don't!" Xander cuts her off, again. "Don't say that. God, Will. How can you? After what she did to you? How can you…." He shakes his head. "God, Willow, I held you in my arms how many times, you were so broken up? I thought you'd never stop crying over her. And now you…" He shakes his head. He turns, and starts to walk away.

Willow follows after him, grabbing him by the arm.

"Xander, please, try to understand…"

Xander stops, and he looks at Willow. His face looks sad.

"I don't know if I can, Willow. After what you told me she did to you, after all you went through… I swore I'd never forgive anyone that hurt you like that. And now, you're with her again… I need to think about this, Willow."

Shaking off her arm, he turns and quickly walks away.

Willow stands there, watching him go. She wraps her arms around herself, as if she feels chilled. Her heart feels as if it's made of ice. She feels as if she can't catch her breath.

"Xander" She whispers softly to herself. "I'm sorry."

Biting her lip to keep the hot tears back, she slouches towards the school.

TBC.