Broken (AKA Beautiful Broken)

*


Xander heard the door scrape open for the third or fourth time, but he just lay on the stone floor of the cell where Rocim had brought him after the whipping and ignored the food he could still smell from his corner. That plate had appeared with the second or third sound of scraping door over stone. The first plate of food had been something dry and odorless, but the more recent food smelled of meat juices and something fruity that almost pulled him out of his self-imposed oblivion. Almost. He vaguely heard footsteps and then a hand was on his hair. Xander imagined how it felt to have Spike’s hand running through his hair and he could almost see that amused expression when Spike smiled in a way to make his cheekbones stand out and pushed his lips out. Xander almost smiled, but then his imaginary master’s face twisted in horror and his mouth opened in a silent scream and he turned to dust. Xander’s heart pounded and he gasped to get enough air. The hand withdrew from his head, and his open eyes couldn’t distinguish who had been touching him, not that it mattered.

Xander felt a pull on his neck, but that was okay, it wasn't really his neck now, was it? Someone else owned it, and Xander really did hope that whoever owned it just broke it and got it over with. With Spike dust, a broken neck really was the best he could hope for now, so he just retreated farther into his own mind as the pulling became more insistent, and the rest of his body started registering in with individual pains.

He found the memory of the night he had first laid under Spike, when Spike's hair had tickled his nose and he concentrated on that thought until he could feel his nose twitch in sympathy. He remembered how it felt to have Spike asleep on top of him, the peacefulness and the security. A part of him tried to rise up and point out that the peacefulness had been wrong and the security had been a lie, but Xander quickly shuffled those thoughts off to the side. He had been happy there, and it wasn't about just the slavers either. He'd been cracked and lopsided before Leshar had broken him, and now he just couldn't be bothered with putting the pieces back together.

The body registered a fall and impact, so Xander guessed that he'd been dropped, but he kept his eyes closed as he thought about that morning from his memory. The way Spike had crept up his body like a lion stalking prey, and yet Xander had felt safe. Spike wasn't Leshar, Spike wasn't Giles, Spike wasn't his father or his Uncle Cheese or Angel.

Uncle Cheese. He hadn't thought of Uncle Cheese in....well certainly not in the last six months at least. He'd gone years without even remembering this favorite uncle--his mother's youngest brother--who walked around with a knife, using the sharp edge and his thumb to slice off pieces of yellow cheese. At five that had fascinated him, and he and his cousin Rigby had followed their young uncle around begging for slices. Then that birthday party came, and the clown, and the crying, and Xander remembered Uncle Cheese taking him to a back room to comfort him.

Xander had been too young to understand that exploring hand as anything other that comfort, but when his father had opened the door, he had seen the fury in his father's eyes. After that he'd had a problem with clowns and cheese for a long time. It hadn't been long before he'd forgotten the uncle that had driven the wedge between him and his father, making the man's every expression to his son full of disgust and scorn. Xander hadn't even known why his father seemed to hate him until the soldier memories that Halloween. When his own memories had returned at the end of the spell, all his memories returned. After that he could barely even meet his father's eyes. When he'd casually mentioned Uncle Cheese, hoping that the memories were some magically induced delusion, his mother had broken down in tears and fled to her room. Uncle Cheese would have hurt him, as an adult, Xander knew that; however, the man never had the chance. It was his parents who had hurt him the most.

And now? Now everyone looked at him with his father's eyes: Giles, Angel, even Joyce. Spike had been the only one to not care about all that, but now that Spike was gone, he'd be dirty and ruined forever. Xander really did have any hopes beyond that of a quick death, but he knew that as a slave even that wasn't really an option. He lived at someone else's mercy.

Spike never looked at him like he was broken, and now that his Master was dead, he let go of all the pieces and just stopped trying to even pretend. Voices. He mentally shrugged. It didn't matter any more. When a hand grabbed his arm, Xander could only feel Spike's touch against his bare skin as the vampire had taught him to enjoy disobeying a rule.

The voices became more insistent and wormed their way into his memory, but he intentionally ignored them. He wanted to stay inside. He watched as Spike sat up straddling his chained body, smiling slyly and tilting his head. Spike opened his mouth to speak.

"I'll bloody rip your innards ta pieces ya rottin' piece of Fyarl dung." Okay, that was a surprise. Xander tried to pull back into the real memory, pushing away this strange apparition that had appeared in the place of his memory-Master.

"Don't matter if ya dust me or not, my sire'll rip this soddin' place apart ta get the boy back, and my only regret will be not seein' ya beg for mercy. Angelus is still in there mate, and if ya touch him, you'll find out how little difference there is between Angel and Angelus." Xander *knew* that wasn't from his memories. He struggled, panicked that he couldn't find reality when he started looking for it, but then the voice returned.

"Ya cowardly git. Let me down and I'll show ya a response," Xander concentrated on the voice and as he tried to fight his way to consciousness, he could feel his sore arms, his throbbing neck that made swallowing difficult, his scraped, and his bruised back and chest. All in all, he was a lot less damaged than he’d expected. He’d gotten worse fighting with Buffy. Xander started to scramble back from the voices, only stopping when he felt the chain at his neck tighten.

"Xander?" he heard Spike call, and he turned toward the voice, but he had trouble focusing his eyes. When he saw Spike, pale and streaked with blood standing on his toes in the middle of the stone room, shackled to the ceiling by his wrists, Xander nearly wept. He couldn't tell whether the emotion was pain from seeing his Master chained or pleasure at seeing him undusty and whole.

"Massrrr?" Xander managed, his throat feeling raw and torn. He suspected that he had been screaming sometime in the recent past.. Lirowaus' voice now interrupted the reunion.

"The slave isn't as dead as he would pretend. I do congratulate you, vampire, on creating such a loyal slave, but maybe now that he is responding, we can see how far that loyalty goes.

"Bloody leave him alone," Spike warned with a growl.

"And you are in no position to bargain considering you are facing your own death. He is a valuable animal, and I have tried to avoid these measures, but between you and Leshar, his training has been damaging. He will accept me as a master or he will be of no use to me." Those words sent Xander's mind back to the small man lying on his trainer's floor, the minions waiting to tear into the human flesh, to rip hunks off the man's legs and the body twitched within its bonds and the man's screams came through the gag. Xander remembered the smell of blood and the happy grunts of the minions as they worked their way up, but Xander pushed that back, unwilling to fall apart now.

He was going to die, he could live with that. Okay, bad choice of words, but Xander couldn't feel sorry about his death. He looked up at Spike and pulled his body into a kneel, wanting the vampire to know that he was sorry. He had attracted Lirowaus' attention. He was responsible for his master's death. He couldn't hold back tears at that, and so tears he wouldn't shed for himself slowly fell.

"Completely ruined. The animal has been so abused that he has lost all reason, quite incapable of logically understanding his position." Xander focused on Spike during Lirowaus' little speech, and Spike looked at him sadly, even with the fangs and ridges distorting his expression. He was surprised that Spike wasn't angrier about their upcoming deaths. "So I thought I would let you see the results of your training. I would have treated him well if it weren't for the damage you've done, and now you can die with the slave you have so ruined for me." Xander felt an overwhelming horror at the thought of seeing Spike die.

"Nego-ate," Xander offered roughly in a broken voice. Lirowaus turned to face him and Xander looked up, knowing that he was about to sell his soul and break some last part of himself.

"The animal suprises me again."

"Let him bloody go you effin bastard." Lirowaus laughed.

"Oh, I don't think so; I want to hear this negotiation he offers now." Lirowaus waved a hand, and Xander felt a glass brought up to his lips and he spluttered out as much liquid as he managed to swallow, but the cold fluid did soothe his throat.

"So, let's hear your offer, little one," Lirowaus said once the minion had taken the glass away.

"Let Spike go," Xander said, unwilling to say out loud what he would do in return. He knew what he was offering and Lirowaus did too.

"Bloody hell, no," Spike protested, and Xander flinched at going against his master, but Spike had taught him that sometimes it was right to break the rules.

"Ah, the pup does have some reasoning left, but not much if he thinks I will release the vampire. What exactly will Master Spike do if I release him, pup?" Xander didn't even need to think about that.

"Kill you," Xander responded. Lirowaus laughed.

"Yes indeed, little one, he will try. I very much doubt the vampire can get away with it, but he will try. So, if you want to negotiate, that is a very poor opening request." Xander dropped his head, not really wanting anything else. Nothing else mattered, and if he couldn't have that, he would rather die that sell himself and lose the last part of himself by willingly submitting. Leshar had forced his submission; Spike had accepted it without ever asking for that final part, but Lirowaus' request would take something valuable that Xander had held onto though the last six months. He felt a rough hand under his chin.

"Surely there is *something* else you'd like pup."

"When I get my hands on ya, I'm going to pull your intestines out so far that they'll stretch all the way back ta Sacramento. I'm goin' ta pull your beatin' heart out of your body," Spike snarled so fiercely that Xander was reminded of Spike at the church, willing to kill Angel in order to save Dru. Xander remained silent and waited for the end now that his last attempt had failed.

"Come now, pup. Your former master is being unreasonable, but if you truly want to save him, surely you can come up with a better offer than that." Xander looked at Lirowaus and then looked out of the corner of his eye as Spike madly jerked in his chains, trickles of blood from his wrists wandering down pale arms. His jaw still firmly clenched in Lirowaus hand, he opened his mouth, but couldn't seem to find words.

"You have to make the offer, that's my rule," Lirowaus cheerfully prompted him.

"Make him comfortable, keep him safe," Xander whispered, knowing that he was losing not only the Master he wanted but a big part of himself too.

"And what will you offer me in return, little one?" Lirowaus asked.

"I'll obey."

"And?" Lirowaus asked.

"I'll submit without fighting." Xander spoke the words, and he could feel some part of himself die. He really was pathetic. He was a slave and he didn't deserve any better than slavery. Xander just hoped Angel never did find him. Let Angel save Spike, it was too late for him.

"Ah, will you be the good, obedient animal from the auction?" Lirowaus asked.

"Yes, master," Xander choked out, struggling to get himself under control. He had no right to feel pain or guilt or this horrible tearing loss that threatened to take his breath. He ignored his injures and forced himself up onto both knees, correcting his form.

"You're soddin' dead," Spike hissed, and Xander didn't even react. He had given up Spike, and Spike would never want him back after this betrayal. Spike would never want him back after what Lirowaus would make him do, Xander knew that, and some part of him didn't care.

"Oh, I think we shall both live long healthy lives," Lirowaus responded to Spike. "I shall have to find you better accommodations since my little pup specified comfortable and safe. Some place in the dungeons that we can wire for television and that horrible music you are so famous for enjoying. I live up to my promises, and I made the boy a promise."

Xander felt Lirowaus' hand move through his hair, but he held position even when he wanted to withdraw in disgust. He just wanted to be out of the room because he didn't want to see Spike's face; he didn't want to see Spike's condemnation. Lirowaus turned to walk out of the room, and Xander stood to follow, hands held at the small of his back and head down. Now that he stood, he could feel the weakness in his legs that spoke of too little food and the soreness that suggested too long lying on a stone floor, but he ignored them as he followed his new master.

Xander followed mindlessly through the functional slave corridors and the increasingly luxurious hallways of the upper floors, each step away from Spike ripping at his guts like no pain he had ever know. Soon enough Lirowaus opened a heavy wood door and gestured for Xander to go first. Taking a deep breath, Xander stepped in and told himself to endure and submit and give Spike time to escape or for someone to rescue them. Of course Spike in his paranoia hadn’t told anyone where they had gone just in case Angel had shown up asking questions, but sooner or later Joyce might get worried and check at the warehouse. That would at least point to the Sacramento show, and maybe from there Angel could track them. Xander just repeated his prayer that Angel took Spike and left because Xander no longer wanted rescue…he just wanted to find that bit of oblivion he had earlier discovered.

Xander had already knelt next to the door when Lirowaus came in and gestured toward the oversized bed. Xander walked over and got on it without comment.

As Xander knelt on the bed, he tried to conjure the memory of Spike touching him, holding him, making him feel safe, but when he tried to pull up that memory, he just imagined Spike looking at him with his father's eyes: condemning him for letting this happen. So he switched to the image of Buffy in that green bikini, but now even she turned to him with eyes full of disgust for someone who would lie there quietly while waiting for a demon to rape him. Xander's memories provided one image after another: Jesse telling him he was nothing more than a shadow, Giles disgusted with him for being afraid of the couch, Angel's expression when he'd had to rescue Xander from Faith, Joyce's horror at seeing him in the cage. They all knew how weak he was, and now Xander had to face it too. His memories had always been his refuge, but now they rejected him. He forced himself to ignore the memories and instead focus on the dry hand that now touched his back.

"Well, little one, which of my cocks shall I use. The small one would do you less damage, but I can imagine how the large one would feel buried in you. Generally I do prefer the female animals since they can accommodate both, but what shall I do with you?" Xander heard the demand for an answer in Lirowaus' tone of voice.

"Whatever pleases you, master," he answered neutrally as he knelt on the bed even as Lirowaus crawled onto the mattress behind him.

"Yes, that is your purpose, isn't it?"

"Yes, master."

"And I want a slave who is a little more participatory tonight, so on your knees." Xander dropped to a hands and knees position on the bed just as he felt the wetness at his entrance. He reminded himself that he was a slave to be used as his master saw fit and he relaxed as much as possible.

"Move back onto me, my pup," Lirowaus ordered, and Xander started pushing his ass backwards. When he felt one of Lirowaus' cocks at his hole, he took a deep breath and kept pushing steadily, impaling himself on the narrow head that quickly widened to a significant girth.

"That's my good boy," Lirowaus praised and petted him once he had pushed back as far as possible, the base of the cock stretching him impossibly wide and a second member, nearly as large as Xander's arm came up under Xander and brushed against his own flaccid cock. Xander's hanging head gave him a clear view of the impressive size, and Xander wondered whether he could actually die from an encounter with the larger penis. He would have hoped for an affirmative answer, only he guessed that his death would be followed by Spike's death, and he couldn't betray the vampire that way. Not a second time anyway. So he would survive. Xander started to pull off for another thrust when Lirowaus grabbed him by his decorative back chains and held him still.

“Not so well trained after all,” Lirowaus clucked at him. “That’s alright, I can teach you what you need, little one.” Xander remained motionless and waited for the orders. “Lesson one, move the base of my penis to give me pleasure.” Xander felt hands at his hips start rocking him from side to side, making the cock strain and press at the sides of his own entrance until he felt enough discomfort to qualify as outright pain. But it didn’t matter.

When the hands released him, he continued to rock and from the noises behind him, he suspected he was doing it right. “Oh yes. A regular pattern is best, but the harder you can press to each side, the better, pup.” Lirowaus groaned happily. “Now up and down,” he ordered and Xander stopped the painful motion and started using his back and legs to push up and then fall down, rocking Lirowaus’ cock and straining the ring of muscle on his own body until it practically screamed. “Now make a regular pattern with both motions,” Lirowaus instructed, and Xander turned off any logical part of his brain as he simply complied.

Right – Left – Right – Left – Up – Down - Right – Left – Right – Left – Up – Down

Xander had moved for longer than he expected when he noticed that the second cock that he could see hang below their bodies started to shrink, and that was not what he expected from any sexual encounter, but he simply continued his movements without comment.

Right – Left – Right – Left – Up – Down - Right – Left – Right – Left – Up – Down

Xander started feeling a pressure growing in his body, a pressure that built until he was gasping from the feeling of something in him pressing and straining. Xander lost the rhythm for a moment.

“It’s okay, my lovely boy. So few can do it so well their first time,” Lirowaus reassured him, and Xander just closed his eyes in shame, not that Lirowaus could tell from above. “You’ve done so well that you’ve moved the fluid up into the active cock,” Lirowaus told him. “Now you have to make the cock release. Pull forward, pup.” Xander started to pull forward, but the thing in him held him in an inescapable grasp. He stopped only to feel a sharp slap on his butt.

“You need more effort than that or we’re going to be here for a long time, my little pup. All that fluid needs to be worked out to the end and then brought out, so you’ll need to pull. Rock forward and back and each time the cock will get a little looser until you loosen it up enough for the fluid to release. Either that or fail and the cock will stay lodged in you until the fluid drains back down in a day or two.” Xander resisted the urge to shudder at the thought of being attached to the demon for that long.

He pulled forward and he couldn’t feel anything loosen. In fact, he felt like he was trying to pull himself off a marble fist. He let himself relax back before pulling forward harder this time. A happy grunt from behind told him he was on the right track, but the pain in his now throbbing body objected vigorously to the movement. He paused, but a slap hard enough to jar his teeth got him moving again, each pull forward causing the persistent ache to crest into a significant pain. Xander felt the pain recede each time he pulled now, and he wondered if he was getting used to it or whether the cock was in fact loosening up as Lirowaus had promised.

The thought of getting off the impaling organ gave Xander renewed energy and he pulled forward harder, ignoring his own pain even as Lirowaus moaned in pleasure. He’d given three or four violent jerks forward that nearly pulled out his intestines when suddenly he felt himself falling forward, but Lirowaus gripped him even as the penis inside his body suddenly deflated and his intestines protested an influx of liquid that left him gasping with its sheer volume.

“Rocim,” Lirowaus yelled, and Xander held the Present position even as he wanted nothing more than to run away and hide in a corner of the room. He’d thought he had lost everything to Leshar, and now he knew different. Now that he had given this part of himself to another, he knew that he truly had nothing left. He rested his forehead on his arms and just wished Lirowaus away so he could…could what? Xander realized he could do nothing, not recover, not forget, not ignore. This was going to be his life for the next ten or twenty years, until he was too old to be admired, and then he would be put down like an unwanted dog. An unwanted pup he mentally corrected himself.

He heard Rocim come in and suddenly a heavy belt went around his middle. He didn’t bother to look. Lirowaus pulled out and Xander’s aching body tried to shrink back into shape, but then something not as large as Lirowaus but larger than a pleasantly sized vampire cock slid into him, trapping all the demon’s liquid inside even as Xander felt hands reaching under him and a strap going from the front of the belt through his legs and them up to the back of the belt. Right before the click of a lock sounded, the strap pushed the large plug up and into Xander, trapping what felt like gallons of demon ejaculate up inside him and triggering horrible diarrhea-type cramps. Xander bit his tongue as he tried to ignore what was being done to his body. It’s not like it was his body anymore anyway, so he shouldn’t care.

“As your body absorbs this, you will stop stinking of vampire,” Lirowaus explained with a firm slap on the still raised ass, and Xander closed his eyes against tears. “What do you say to your master, pup?”

“Thank you, master,” Xander said clearly and without either sarcasm or emotion.

“Not acceptable. If you want me to keep my end of our bargain, you will keep yours. Now what do you say?” Lirowaus sounded aggravated, and Xander took a deep breath before composing his reply.

“Thank you for teaching me how to please you master. I am grateful that you find me worthy of your time. Thank you for sharing pleasure with me and for giving me the gift of your smell. You are too kind to me,” Xander said, realizing that if Lirowaus did get tired of him that he and Spike would both die. That helped Xander put a little enthusiasm into his answer this time. It must have been enough because Lirowaus rubbed his ass, and Xander found himself strangely relieved because the act didn’t give him comfort the way Leshar’s touch often had. Lirowaus’ touch didn’t make him feel anything…possibly because Xander was finding it harder and hard *to* feel anything at all. Well, except the stomach cramps, those he was feeling.

Somehow Xander still felt like he was trapped on his master’s body, and he wondered why he had tried to hard; it didn’t matter. He was Lirowaus’ and he would always be Lirowaus’. Whether he was held by a hand on his head or a command or a chain or a cock, it was all the same. Realizing that he had finished his assigned task, Xander slowly moved off to the side, raising himself over Lirowaus’ thick leg and letting himself down to the stone floor where he knelt and waited for an order to set him into motion again.

“I don’t know what you have learned from that Leshar and the vampire, but you hardly have to abandon my bed after such pleasurable service,” Lirowaus said, and Xander tried to figure out if there was an order in there. He heard a chuffing sound that he didn’t recognize. “Obedience does not mean that you cannot enjoy the pleasures of my company, little one. Get back up here.” Xander heard the order and he stood and knelt on the bed, keeping his back straight and his hands behind his back as his spread legs displayed his uninterested cock.

“Do you want me to play with this, little one?” Lirowaus asked and a clawed finger held up his limp penis.

“No, master,” Xander said. He didn’t have wants, and if he did, Lirowaus’ touches would not make the list.

“Hmm. Do you not seek pleasure? I find that most humans are quite eager to take their own pleasures, so what pleasures you?” Xander struggled to find that answer somewhere in his mind, but he felt like he was somehow slipping out of his own body and his own mind. He shuffled through memories that weren’t his and he sought words that suddenly didn’t make sense to him.

“I give you pleasure, master” Xander finally answered.

“What a unique prize. I shall have to breed you often and see if your offspring are as special. If I could breed this sweetness of yours into my stock, I would have the most desirable humans around. Perhaps I’ll breed you to some of the witches as your old master wanted. But you’ve pleased me, so do you seek any other reward?”

“Spike,” Xander said, remembering that he was someone important.

“What about him?” Lirowaus’ voice suddenly had a note of caution and displeasure.

“Keep him safe,” Xander asked in a whisper realizing that he’d displeased his master by speaking his former master’s name.

“You have already earned that reward. Don’t you want any other?” Lirowaus asked curiously, and Xander kept his eyes down as he answered.

“No, master.”

“So, you would serve me this way every night for no other reward than making me happy and keeping your former master safe?” Xander thought the answer was rather obvious, but he answered anyway.

“Yes, master.”

“Oh, yes. I would love to see your sweetness in the eyes of a dozen cubs,” Lirowaus murmured and Xander felt the hand return to his hair. “Since you choose no reward on your own, I’ll choose for you: you’ll sleep with me tonight,” Lirowaus announced as he practically bounced out of bed and headed for a nearby room. Xander didn’t feel a need to pee, and he couldn’t possibly use the bathroom despite his intestinal cramping, so he moved down to the spot Lirowaus had abandoned at the foot of the bed and curled up, wishing for a floor, his cage, his true Master’s bed.

Xander felt the tears start at that last one, but he had given that up, and now that he would smell of Lirowaus, he would never earn that back again. He should be grateful that Lirowaus allowed him in his bed, and he kept telling himself to appreciate and be grateful as he lay trying to find a comfortable position that didn’t aggravate the cramps or the huge intrusion into his ass. After all, once Lirowaus returned, he didn’t want to disturb his new master with unnecessary tossing and turning.