Speed Demon

Chapter Fifteen

Spike knew he was being irrational, even childish, but he just couldn’t take being around him the past couple of days. He didn’t want to talk about it, wanted to forget it ever happened. Every time he relived breaking down in Xander’s arms, he was so embarrassed- no he was so far past embarrassment that he couldn’t even see embarrassed- and frustrated, that he just wanted to curl up somewhere and hide until all of this went away.

It just wasn’t fair, that it could still haunt him so much. He was beginning to think it would be there biting at his heels until he died, and wasn’t that a bloody happy thought?

Climbing out of the car, he kicked at the tire viciously, feeling his emotions bubbling to the surface again. He couldn’t even focus on driving anymore.

“Spike…” he heard the low growl in Xander’s voice and stiffened, closing his eyes briefly before turning to face his lover. The lover he had avoided, except for work, the past two days, not wanting to see anything resembling disgust or pity in those dark eyes.

Eyes that were spitting anything but pity at the moment.

Without taking his angry gaze off of Spike, Xander yelled out to the guys, “Okay, I think we’re done here for today. See you guys in the mornin’.” When Spike made as if to follow, those eyes narrowed even more, and Xander barked out, “Stay!”

Lifting his own baleful gaze to the brunette, Spike flipped him off and turned to stalk away, furious with them both, him for trying to drive Xander away and Xander for not giving him space, and the whole fucked up situation. Feeling a big, broad hand clamp roughly on his shoulder, he shrugged it off, turning to snarl at the older man.

“Fuck off! You don’t bloody own me, Harris.”

Xander’s breath hissed out between clenched teeth and for one heart-stopping moment, Spike was afraid he had pushed him too far. But something else, along with fury, crossed the other man’s face, something that looked a lot like hurt. Xander stepped back, dropping his hand.

“You’re right, I don’t. Be here at 7 in the morning and you had better fuckin’ be focused or I’m pullin’ you out of the race.” With that, he turned and walked into the garage, Spike wincing a moment later at the sound of Xander’s office door slamming, vibrating the metal walls.

Growling, Spike pushed both hands through his hair and started to storm off, before stopping and turning to face the garage. He took two steps towards it and stopped again, cursing softly.

He wanted to apologize, wanted to explain, wanted it so bad that he ached with it. But his pride and the still-churning shame kept his back up and his tongue sharp and he was afraid of what he would wind up saying if he actually tried to speak to his lover. Not to mention his growing fear.

He wasn’t scared of Xander, not physically, although if he wanted to hurt him, Xander could, easily. Fear of rejection, fear of being tossed aside, discarded…that was what kept him from following Xander into his office and trying to explain what was going on in his head.

It didn’t make sense, since him shoving the older man away and snapping at him was more likely to cause Xander to reject him than talking to the man, but at least if Xander got angry at him for the way he was acting, it was better than Spike laying open his emotions and the other man turning away in disgust.

At least that was what his head was telling his heart.

His heart was just yelling at him to follow his lover, take that look of pain out of his eyes, along with the look of helplessness that crept into them when he thought Spike wasn’t looking. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt him, to cause him any kind of pain, and the knowledge that he just couldn’t help doing it was tearing him up. His vicious tongue and impenetrable walls were his defense mechanisms and it would take a lot longer than a few weeks to get over using them when he felt vulnerable.

And he felt vulnerable a lot around Xander.

Hearing a loud curse come from the garage, he closed his eyes and rubbed roughly at his forehead, which was starting to ache. Things had to change, before he fucked everything up so badly that Xander gave up on him completely. That thought was enough to make his blood run cold and he breathed in deeply before walking determinedly into the building.

***

Scowling down at his throbbing knuckles, Xander sprawled back in his chair and sighed. He knew what was going on inside Spike’s head, it didn’t take a genius to figure that out, but he wished the boy would learn to trust him a little. Somehow, when he had been watching him sleep in his arms after totally breaking down, he had expected this return of the cocky, irritating and abrasive Spike he had first met, before he had broken through the boy’s façade.

He hadn’t really expected Spike to sneak out of his arms the next morning and have nothing at all to do with him for the next two days, though. Had though he meant more to him, enough to keep them from falling apart over this.

Xander wasn’t a saint; God knows Anya had let him know that daily in the end. As much as he wanted to be calm and understanding, Spike was driving him crazy. No one else had ever been able to piss him off so fast, so easy. He had wanted to slap the boy, for his attitude and the mockery of what they were to each other, and it sickened him.

Even with Spike avoiding him and spitting at him like a wet cat, he could see the pain and haunted look in those blue eyes and it scared him so badly that he might do or say something to hurt the boy even more. He just couldn’t help his reactions when the blonde shrugged him off like he didn’t exist, like they didn’t exist.

Flexing his hand, he stared moodily down at it. Slamming it into the wall hadn’t changed his turmoil of emotions, besides making him feel stupid and churning his stomach that he had actually felt the need to strike at something. Intellectually, he knew he would never hit the boy, could never hit him. He might not be a saint, but he wasn’t abusive either. There were times, though, that he wanted to take the boy over his knee and treat him like the child he was being.

Spike was going to be the death of him.

At the sound of his office door opening, he glanced up into wary blue eyes. Narrowing his own eyes, he leaned further back in his chair and rested his head against the top, gazing impassively at the blonde. When Xander didn’t smile or motion him in, Spike hesitated in the doorway, eyes flickering down, teeth sinking into his bottom lip.

Groaning silently, Xander gave in and waved the boy into the small room. Spike quietly closed the door and approached the desk slowly, mouth opening and closing as if he didn’t know what to say. He finally paused about a foot from Xander and looked at him from under his lashes helplessly, sucking his bottom lip into his mouth and tugging it with his sharp teeth in anxiety.

Eyes narrowing again, Xander said quietly, “You can bite that lip and look innocent all you want to, I’m still pissed off.”

Shoving his hands into his pockets, Spike stared silently down at the floor for a moment, before swallowing hard and turning around quickly to go, almost out the door before Xander realized he was leaving. Sighing deeply, Xander called out, “Spike, damn it! Get your ass back over here.”

When Spike turned back around and Xander saw the unshed tears glistening in his eyes, he could have kicked himself, his anger draining. Opening his arms to the upset boy, he murmured, “Come’re, baby.”

Within seconds, his arms were full of warm soft skin and silky blonde curls, Spike wrapping an arm around his neck and burying his face against the bigger man’s neck. Rubbing a big palm roughly over Spike’s back, Xander hugged him close, saying soothingly, “Sorry, sweetheart, I’m just being an insensitive bastard today. Shh, I understand,” he stopped Spike when the blonde tried to apologize.

Spike gave a smothered half-laugh, settling his head on Xander’s shoulder as he curled up in the bigger man’s lap. “I’m the one being a bastard, luv, not you. None of it’s your fault.” Nuzzling the tanned skin along Xander’s jaw, he whispered softly, “You do, ya know.”

“Mm, I do what?” he asked, head leaning back further and tilting a bit so Spike could lick and suck along the sensitive skin there, causing shivers up and down his spine.

“Own me.”

His chest rumbled with a pleased growl and his arms tightened around his impish boy. “How bad is it that that totally turns me on? You saying that?”

Spike snickered against his neck and wiggled closer, turning to straddle Xander so that he could face him. Xander’s hands slid down to cup his ass, pressing him tighter against him, as Spike brushed his elegant fingers through the older man’s shaggy black hair, petting him softly like a large cat. Watching Spike through half closed eyes, Xander smiled slowly and leaned into the gentle touches.

He had missed the feel of those hands for the past two nights, missed the smell and light weight of his boy. Things weren’t cleared up yet and nothing had been resolved, but he couldn’t deny his body the small pleasures of the moment.

Closing his eyes as soft nuzzling kisses were pressed along his cheeks and chin, he let Spike control things, just enjoying the sweet sensations, his hands kneading the taut muscles of the boy’s ass. When a warm silky tongue brushed along his bottom lip, he smiled and obediently opened his mouth, letting it inside to stroke and slide against his own.

For a few long slow minutes, he sat quietly, only taking what the boy gave, but when Spike started rotating his hips against Xander’s, rubbing their erections together, he groaned deep in his throat and reached a hand around to unbutton the tight jeans the blonde was wearing. Tugging each metal circle lose, he got the faded material parted enough to where he could slide his big hands down into the gaping back.

Spike moaned into his mouth as he palmed a silky soft buttock in each hand, squeezing gently. The tips of his fingers brushed lightly along the sensitive crease and the boy shuddered, legs tightening around him even as they spread wider. Lips and tongue pressing harder, delving deeper, the boy started devouring him with his kiss, arching backwards into his large, rough hands.

When he merely slid his fingertips along the same path, slowly up and down, barely brushing skin, Spike whimpered into his mouth and pulled his head back enough to where he could plead against Xander’s swollen lips, “Please, Xan, been too long. No more teasing.”

Humming lightly against the boy’s wet lips, Xander murmured, “Who’s fault is that?” before he recaptured Spike’s mouth, his tongue doing the delving now, long smooth strokes designed to sooth and stir his boy. Spike whimpered in protest when Xander did no more than rest his fingertips along the inner edges of the boy’s buttocks, and when he arched backwards again, Xander dug his nails into the soft flesh, causing the boy to yelp and buck into his hands.

***

When Spike was near writhing on his lap in need, grinding their hard cocks against each other, Xander allowed one of his fingers to brush down the blonde’s sweat dampened crease to circle lightly around the puckered flesh hidden there. Jerking slightly, Spike held himself completely still, muscles quivering as he made a non-stop whimpering mewl in the back of his throat, all of his focus on that tiny area, the heady anticipation making him almost light-headed.

At the first firm press of Xander’s fingertip against the now-quivering opening, Spike sobbed out a breath and tore his lips away from Xander’s to bite down hard on the muscle between the older man’s neck and shoulder, trying to smother the almost wild sounds pouring from his throat. Flushing in embarrassment that Xander could do that to him with only one touch, he was still unable to stop his hips rocking back against that devious hand, unable to quell the helpless feral sounds he was making.

Xander had growled at the hard bite, his hips bucking up into Spike’s, and he pressed the tip of his finger in deeper, circling it around slowly, stretching, as he shrugged his shoulder to get Spike to unclamp his teeth. “Don’t hide from me, baby, I wanna hear every sweet sound you make,” he rasped out huskily.

The overwhelming sensations over-riding his embarrassment, Spike lifted his head, eyes glazed and cheeks flushed, lips bruised and wet, to stare down into Xander’s face, just as the older man sank his finger deeper and rotated it sharply, rolling it firmly against Spike’s prostate. Eyes rolling back, Spike howled and shook, as that one touch sent him spinning, shattering, spilling hotly against Xander’s rock-hard cock.

Collapsing against the older man, muscles weak and shaky, he panted and shivered against Xander’s neck, pressing his swollen lips against the sweaty skin as he tried to get his harsh breathing back under control. When the large finger buried in his backside slowly wiggled free, he bit back a moan and rubbed his oversensitive flesh over the cock he could feel throbbing against him.

Leaning forward to nip and kiss softly on Xander’s lips, he could see the other man clenching his jaw and breathing deep, trying to control himself. Spike didn’t want him in control, he wanted to see the brunette as hot and wild as Xander had made him.

“You have anythin’ with you?” he breathed out against the hot lips underneath his and groaned when Xander shook his head. “Back to the hotel,” the older man rasped out, and that time Spike shook his head.

With one last lick over the luscious lips under his, Spike wriggled backwards, dropping softly to his knees in between Xander’s spread thighs. When the dark-haired man growled deep in his chest, Spike glanced up through lowered lashes to find dark, smoldering eyes staring at him through half-lowered lids. His own blue eyes wicked with promise, he reached down and unsnapped and unzipped the tight jeans carefully, freeing Xander’s hard and angry looking cock. Wiggling his hand down underneath it, he gently palmed the heavy balls and leaned up to swipe his tongue over the wet head, licking away the salty fluid.

Xander cursed softly and jerked his hips, making Spike smile against his hard flesh. Nuzzling his face against the hot, pulsing erection, he started at the base and flattened his tongue against the large vein, following it upwards and making Xander moan gruffly, the other man’s hands coming down to clench tightly in his blonde hair.

Nibbling and sucking the throbbing flesh, he proceeded to drive the older man mad. With every long lick or curl of his tongue, Xander’s hips would twitch involuntarily, hands clenching and unclenching as he tried to keep himself still. When those large rough hands tugged hard at his hair, he smirked impishly up at the hot black eyes of his lover and gave in. Sucking the head of Xander’s cock softly into his mouth, he swirled his tongue around it, paying special attention to the sensitive underside, before swallowing him down whole.

Xander snarled and his hips bucked once, before he could control it, fisting his hands in soft hair and clenching his teeth as Spike hollowed out his cheeks and sucked him down hard, before easing up to swirl and flutter his silken tongue along the hot pulsing flesh in his mouth. Within minutes, Xander was arching his neck, and panting harshly through clenched teeth, veins pulsing visibly in his throat. Blue eyes locked on his lover’s face, Spike rolled the hard, tight balls in his palm gently, and leaned up so he was sucking just the sensitive tip in his mouth as he fisted the hard flesh with his other hand, working it up and down.

“Christ,” Xander bit out harshly, lashes fluttering closed as his face flushed and lips darkened, hips rocking uncontrollably. Spike felt the heavy balls start to draw up and massaged them softly as he sucked harder, hearing Xander give a choked cry as every muscle in his body locked. Moments later, hot viscous liquid hit the back of his throat and he swallowed it down greedily, fisting the twitching cock roughly.

Panting heavily, Xander stroked his hair softly with a heavy hand, eyes barely slit open. With a hum of contentment, Spike let the softening flesh slide wetly from his mouth, licking the tip gently before resting his head lazily on Xander’s muscled thigh. They sat like that for several minutes, until Xander’s breathing calmed and he tugged the younger man back up into his lap.

Grimacing at the feel of his wet pants, which were quickly cooling, Spike settled down on Xander, rubbing his cheek against the other man’s stubbly jaw. Chuckling quietly, Xander hugged him against his chest tightly, resting his chin against the crook of Spike’s neck.

“We need to go get cleaned up,” Spike mumbled, yawning as the past two nights of tossing and turning all night caught up with him. Xander made a low sound of agreement and held him tightly as he stood, allowing Spike to get his legs underneath him before he let go.

Slipping quietly into the hotel, they made it back up to Xander’s room without anyone noticing the slowly drying front of Spike’s jeans. Snickering at the thought of how he would have had to explain it if someone had noticed, Spike didn’t see the object on the bed at first.

When he saw Xander’s puzzled frown, he looked down and realized what it was, his laughter abruptly stopping. He ignored the questioning look Xander gave him, black brow arching, and stared in horror at the old scrapbook he had kept when he was a teenager.

She wouldn’t! Fuck, of course she would, if she thought it would help explain to him how much I need him, no matter how much I push him away.

He flushed red and groaned in humiliation, wanting to take the large book and run, lock himself in his room until Xander forgot about it. By the look on his lover’s face, he wasn’t going to get a chance to, though.

The most he could do was hide his face and sit out of sight on the floor and wish it would open up and suck him down in it, hearing the creak of old leather as the cover was lifted.