Becoming I

Chapter 10b

Xander stirred some time later, feeling a weary sorrow filling the room. He winced slightly as sore and abused muscles strongly protested the idea of moving. And slow, totally satisfied smile crossed his face as he recalled the intense session Angel put him through. Though he didn’t understand what the hell happened but hey…it was Angelsex and it’s all good. Then he remembered what sparked the sexual marathon and felt like his heart was going to break.

He reached back a hand hesitantly for Angel and frowned when he encountered emptiness. Sitting up carefully, he looked blearily around the room, blinking as he noticed the open balcony door. And grumbling to himself, he grabbed his robe and slid it on, then limping slowly he yawned as he made his way outside.

Uh oh, he thought regarding the brooding profile of his mate, it was worse than he thought. He glided closer and eased into Angel’s lap, wincing then sighing as a long cool arm slid around his waist. He wiggled and squirmed carefully for the best position before relaxing aga the the firm chest. If this was going to be their last time, then he wanted to savor this moment for as long as he could.

“Talk now?” He asked softly as he remembered the previous night’s promise and a shiver ghosted down his spine.

“I’ve been thinking,” Angel began slowly, stroking gently at Xander’s smooth back.

“Am I gonna like what you’ve been thinking?” Xander asked suspiciously, arching into the soothing caress.

“Depends,” Angel muttered cryptically.

Oh shit! It was even worser than he thought....crypic guy was back. And Xander waited, his heart pounding with dread...it was no use trying to push Angel into speaking before the other was ready.

“I’ve been thinking that maybe you need to send me back. Xander, let me finish, please,” he pleaded hastily when he felt the other stiffen in his lap.

“I’ve lost so much lately, friends…Connor. Hell, I tried to kill Wesley even knowing that he was only trying to save my son’s life. A life he believed I would take and yet still I tried to kill him. And last night, last night I acted like a fuckin’ jackass. I embarrassed you in front of all your friends and tortured you for hours last night.

He swallowed hard, blinking back tears. “Last night, what I did to you was inexcusable. I can’t even blame Angelus for my loss of control. I think that it would be best for all concerned if you sent me home and found a new mate...someone that would treat you far better than I could. Someone that could give you the type of love you deserve and need. If I’m not here then you can find someone without worrying that I’ll go bonkers in a jealous rage.”

“All I ask is that when you do find another mate, please don’t come back to me smelling of him or her. Spike knows of certain plants can mask the smells of humans from vampires, so all you need to do is just, maybe, keep a stock of them. And when you want to visit, take a bath and I won’t be able to smell your other mate,” he said hoarsely.

“And maybe in time I can learn to share you with your new mate and you can introduce me to whoever you choose. I don’t want to lose you and I’ll do anything you ask if it makes you happy. Xander, I’ve never seen you happier than here among your friends. You belong here. So, send me back and keep on looking for a new mate. Just please don’t marry him or her,” he begged shakily and drew a deep shuddering breath.

Xander had his eyes tightly closed throughout Angel’s speech. Dear God, he had Angel begging! He had reduced his proud man to begging.

“Okay,” he whispered softly, stirring in Angel’s lap.

Angel exhaled slowly, closing his eyes in blind despair. One last time, he thought, at least I had one last night in bed with my mo gra and that would have to last me for a long while.

“When do we leave?” He asked quietly, inhaling Xander’s precious scent.

“Well, first we need to tell Willow and Spike,” Xander began thoughtfully resting his head on Angel’s shoulder. “Then I need to find a nice dress for Holly, though I probably should leave that up to Willow. Her fashion sense is lots better than mine, Spike’s fashion sense is better than mine. Oh God! We need to send out invitations. Uhm, maybe Spike could probably could handle that. I know Shelby would definitely have a fit if we didn’t let her plan the reception. And definitely Mom and Dad will fuckin’ kill us if they are not here.” He frowned in concentration, trying to figure out how to get everything done in the shortest amount of time. Oh well, I’ll leave that up to Spike, he’s good at planning shit like that.

Angel was bewildered, why does Holly need a dress. And why in the hell did invitations need to be printed? Is that how mates are usually found?

Xander continued talking, “So I figure about two weeks tops, before we can go on our honeymoon. You think that’s too long?” He asked peering up at Angel uncertainly.

Angel was stunned, then he said carefully, “Xander, I’m letting you off the hook. It was totally unfair of me to force an agreement from you using sex.”

“Well, I’m not letting YOU off the hook,” Xander said aggressively, his eyes narrowed in challenge. “You asked me to marry you and goddamn it, you’re going to marry me if I have to drag and chain you to the altar! And I can flat out guarantee that both Willow and Spike will have SuperSoakers filled with Holy Water aimed at your back! And so will Mom and Dad... see if they won’t!” He nodded firmly, he was getting married and that was that.

“Bu..but you’re happy here,” Angel stammered, his eyes wide.

Xander rolled his eyes, slumping against Angel. “D'uh! God! When you get to brooding you can be so dense, ya know? Did it ever occur to you that the reason WHY I’m happy is because you’re here? Now, are you gonna marry me or not?!”

Angel smiled, feeling the truth resound in his soul, and the sorrow in his eyes faded. “Well, when you put it like that….Hell yeah!” He pulled Xander to him for a joyful, bone crushing hug.

“Beside we didn’t use any protection last night,” Xander whispered shyly, lowering his eyes. “And I could be pregnant again.”

Angel tilted his head up, searching the warm dark eyes. “Would you mind having another baby?”

“Would you mind sticking around and helping me raise him or her?” Xander questioned Angel, his eyes quietly serious.

“My love, being around Holly these past couple of months made me realize that I missed out on a lot with her and what you dealt with for the past five years. If you are pregnant, I don’t want to miss out on anything. Not from seeing your belly grow large with our child nor his or her first tooth falling out,” Angel replied gently, easing his hand into Xander’s robe and stroking the flat belly.

“Have I mentioned how much I love you?” He asked tenderly to the flushed face gazing up at him.

Xander lowered his eyes coyly. “Oh, once or twice.” He slid out of Angel’s lap and seductively walked towards their bedroom with an extra sway to his hips that had Angel mesmerized.

Casting a smoldering look over his shoulder he asked, “Maybe you can you show me again how much you love me....” And with a laugh he darted to their bed with Angel in hot pursuit.


Hours later, resting in the huge bathtub between his vampire's thighs Xander brought up another subject hesitantly.

“Uhm...Angel?” He played with nervously with Angel's fingers. “I got something to tell you but you gotta promise you won’t get mad or go all Grrrrr.”

“Is it something bad?” Angel lifted his head from the backrest in the tub and regarded Xander’s wet head with narrowed eyes.

“I dunno, it depends of how you look at it,” Xander shrugged helplessly, his eyes darting around the bathroom uneasily.

“And you’re not gonna tell me unless I promise?” Angel raised a brow, twisting Xander around to face him in the water, ignoring the sulky pout on his lover’s face.

“Was gonna tell you anyhow, just don’t wanna be yelled at. I’m really sensitive, ya know. And I might be pregnant again,” came the petulant reply.

Angel huffed in fond exasperation, then smiled. “All right, I promise not to yell.”

“Or get mad.” Xander hastened to remind his lover.

Angel rolled his eyes. “Or get mad.”

Xander peeked at him to make sure his lover was telling the truth, then he took a deep breath....

“The Elders think that there might be a way to get Connor back but they’re not sure cause it’ll take a really long time so they really didn’t want to say anything to you and raise your hopes just in case they failed, getting Connor back that is, not your hopes cause hope doesn’t really failed, they just get let down or something…,” he mumbled the rest against Angel’s fingers, his eyes wide.

“Stop…just nod your head when I repeat what you just said,” Angel said tersely sitting up in the tub with Xander straddling him.

Xander nodded frantically.

“The elders think they know of a way to get Connor back,” he waited until Xander nodded hesitantly. “They think it will take a long time and that it might just fail,” again Xander nodded.

“But Angel, they don’t know if it’s possible to do it and the plan might not work at all,” Xander said quietly. “Half of them didn’t want to tell you because…,” and Angel interrupted him bitterly.

“Because they don’t like me, no doubt,” Angel leaned back and closed his eyes.

“No, it was because half of them felt that to give you hope only to snatch it away would be an act of extreme cruelty,” Xander repeated carefully. And at the disbelieving expression of Angel’s face, he sighed.

“Angel, think for a moment exactly where you are. These people have literally gone through hell. There are days when some of them can’t get out of bed for the pain of their bodies. They know what it is to have hope only to get disappointed time and again. And they just didn’t want you to go through what they went through, to be so full of hope and only to have it snatched away.”

“So, when did you become the Old Wise Man On The Mountaintop?” Angel said huskily, his eyes glittering with suppressed emotion.

Xander smiled slowly, trying to look both wise and mysterious. “Oh, I have my moments.”

Angel pulled him into a bear hug. “Well, if you talk to them, tell ‘em thank you from me and that I’ll see Connor when I see him,” he choked out into Xander’s neck.

“I will, I will,” Xander promised, holding his mate tightly in his arms as he felt a suspicious moisture fall on his neck. For Angel's sake, he prayed they would be successful.


After getting dressed, Angel headed for the kitchen to cook breakfast for everyone as Xander headed for Spike and Willow’s room.

And peeking at the peaceful scene of the two sleeping people he let out a whoop of excitement and jumped on the bed, waking them up.

“I’m getting married! He asked me to marry him, Willow!” He screamed joyfully.

Willow’s eyes popped open at Xander’s first scream. Then she screamed along with him and jumped up as well, and they began the Snoopy dance in their excitement.

“Uh, pet....” Spike drawled out, lighting up a cigarette and resting comfortingly back against the pillows. “Not that the show ain’t sexy, but ya might want to put on some clothes,” he leered up at her.

Willow looked down...Xander's robe was totally open and judging by what she could see she saw exactly why Angel was in love with him.

Xander looked down....Willow apparently didn't see the need for nightwear, he thought in shock.

And with a gasp, bodies went flying.

Willow screamed as she dived under the covers, Xander ran to the door babbling apologies, and Spike fell out the bed laughing his head off.


Angel smirked at the two red-faced humans sitting at the kitchen table. Having heard what happened in the bedroom he realized both were too embarrassed to look at each other.

“So ya saw Willow nekkid? Big deal!” Spike snapped impatiently at them. He had long since grown tired of their stilted awkwardness with each other. “It’s a beautiful sight, now get over it,” he growled angrily.

Holly looked up, “Daddy saw Aunt Willow nekkid? I’s seen Willow nekkid zillions of times, so what?” She looked curiously around at the adults, before shaking her head and climbing down from her chair. As she left, she muttered under her breath, “Adults are so weird...no *way* I'm gonna grown up!”

Xander peeked at Willow. His lip twitching at Holly’s comment only to find her sneaking a laugh filled glance at him and they both started laughing.

“Your face! It matched your hair....” Xander howled as he pointed at her, tears of mirth falling from his eyes.

“I thought…you were… gonna faint....” Willow banged on the table, barely able to speak for laughing.

But they sobered up hurriedly at the low chime that echoed through the room.

“Angel Harris, Willow Rosenburg and Tamen n'Zend, please report to the briefing room,” a low mellow voice filled the room.

Angel’s brows rose as he hesitantly got out of his chair. “Uhm, Xander what am I supposed to do?”

“Well, if I was you I would get my ass in gear cause Master Donly don’t like to be kept waiting when he’s giving out the assignments,” Xander smirked as he finished his cereal.

“Angel, will you c’mon...” Willow called him impatiently. She grabbed the vampire by the arm and hastily dragged him out of the kitchen.

12 hours later, they were back. Angel had his arm slung over Willow’s neck as she helped him into the couch. Other than a bruise on her cheek, she looked perfectly okay.

Xander raised his brow and looked at Spike then they both looked at Angel. Angel on the other hand looked like he had been dragged through the bushes backward, fell off a cliff…twice. He looked like he took on the assignment single-handedly.

“What hell happened to you?” Xander burst out increduously.

“Blood, just get me some blood....” Angel moaned piteously, clutching at his sore ribs.

Willow just shook her head wearily.

“I'm sorry Xander, but your man's an idiot! Angel, the next time I tell you to duck, I want to see you quacking and eating worms, you understand?!” Willow was looking at Angel with stormy eyes as she berated him.

“She’s insane...” Angel whimpered. He regarded Willow with wide eyes.

Xander and Spike shook their heads sorrowfully.

“She used a fireball, didn’t she?” Xander sighed.

Willow flushed. “Don’t start with me, Xander Harris! I had perfect control of the damn fireball until Mr.-I-Have-To-Save-Helpless-Willow threw himself at me,” she shouted angrily.

“The guy had a freakin’ sword,” Angel enunciated his words carefully. “What the hell did you think I should do, let him kill you?!” And his voice nearly rose to a high pitched shriek.

“Yeah....well, look at what happen anyway! We went over the cliff and you fell into those damn bushes,” Willow shouted back, her eyes stormy.

“I noticed that you didn’t fall,” Angel retorted nastily. He yelped as Xander tried to ease his coat off.

“I have magic...” Willow retorted, a smugly superior look on her face. “And didn't I tossed you a rope. Which I might add, helped you climb back up the cliff.”

Angel eyed Willow stonily. “It broke!”

At that both Spike and Xander lost control, falling to the floor in helpless laughter. Every time they looked at the angry faces of their two mates they started laughing again. Angel blinked, recalling the serious of events that led up to him falling off a cliff and almost catching on fire. He started snickering, holding his ribs in pain thinking about his first mission.

Willow glanced at the three laughing males with an annoyed look that gradually deepened into a smile before she slowly started chuckling.

“Fifteen men popped up right in front of me with Willow and Tamen almost a 100 feet away. God, they pounded my ass big time before Willow and Tamen could get to me,” Angel gasped out, holding his sore ribs.

“Then a tree branch fell on Angel....and...kn...ocked...him into the fire...he..a...a...al...most w...w...whoosh!” Willow howled between gasping breaths. She collapsed on the couch with Angel, tears of laughter falling from their faces. “He....was....run...ning a....round s...s....screa....ming...
'Help! Help! I'm on fire!' And T....T...Ta...men and me had to.....chase...him ...to put out.....the fire.”

“You try catching on fire and see how you react!” Angel managed to wheeze out, wiping at his eyes.

“Ready for another mission?” Xander snickered, finally getting his laughter under control.

“Bring ‘em on!” Angel smirked almost drunk with laughter. “Me and Willow can take ‘em with our hands tied behind our backs.”