The Future Is What We Make

Chapter 9 cont'd


Late into the night, Angel followed the scent trail to Xander’s room and knocked lightly on the door. He was startled when the door was jerked open and Jennes stood yawning in front of him.

“What…” Jennes growled, yawning again as he regarded the vampire. They had just gotten Xander comfortable and no longer upset.

“Uhm..I..I was looking for Xander,” Angel answered uncertainly.

Jennes twisted and regarded Xander’s wide dark eyes before looking back at the vampire, “Come in,” he replied grudgingly, opening the door wider.

Angel stepped hestly tly inside, stopping at the sight of Xander in bed with two more of the demons.

“Uhm, maybe I should come back later,” he offered uncomfortably. Obviously he was interrupting their private time.

“No, that’s okay, we were just leaving,” Lourdey said, unwrapping himself from around Xander and rolling out of the bed, tossing Jennes’ robe to him before sliding into his.

Taryn gave him an annoyed glance and settled closer to Xander, “I’m not…!” and he yelped, jumped up. And scrambled up hastily, he rubbed his thigh. Then grabbing his robe he stormed towards Angel.

“If you upset him or hurt him I will rip you apart,” he snarled softly in Angel’s alarmed face before leaving the room.

Xander sighed heavily and sat up in bed, “What, Angel?”

Angel turned his attention back to the boy, blinking at the rounded stomach revealed.

“Uhm, when you were talking, I got the feeling that you were leaving something out…something that had to do with me?” he raised a brow inquiringly wondering at the look of sad amusement on Xander’s face.

“The way you talked about me, it sounded like we were friends,” he said carefully, keeping a steady gaze on Xander’s suddenly flushed face. “Like maybe we were more than friends?” he offered quietly.

Xander slid out of the bed and padded over to the window, wondering how to explain what they had become to Angel.

“Were we lovers?” he heard Angel say behind him and he closed his eyes, remembering their last night together.

He nodded hesitantly, struggling to control himself.

“How?” Angel breathe then gestured uncomfortably, “I mean I know how but…”

“I…we, we started getting closer during my pregnancy and things kinda happened,” Xander whispered, staring out the window.

“But I thought you hated me,” Angel said, trying to understand how he and Xander ended up lovers. “And when I came back…you gave an Oscar winning performance of hating my guts.”

Xander finally turned away from the window. “Angel, those first couple of months I was acting strictly on autopilot. You have no fuckin’ idea how I struggled to get through each day, each fuckin’ week without breaking down. I practically jumped out of my skin the first time the microwave dinged, I didn’t even know how to use the stereo or the TV!”

“Then you come back and Buffy lied to us about it. Angel, the last thing I remember of you, of *my* Angel, was being in his arms…of making love with him, of him telling me that you, that he loves me and would always love me. And that night I found you and Buffy, kissing in the mansion…and I swear to God that if I had a stake I probably would have killed you right and there,” Xander said huskily, tears glistening in his eyes.

“I had lost every fuckin’ thing in my life…my children, my friends, you…I lost everything. The only thing that I knew, that I recognized was my closeness to Willow and I clung, unfortunately, a little to tight to her. Oz wasn’t my best friend anymore, Buffy was gone, and I hadn’t seen Cordy, MY version of Cordy, in over five years, yet we were locking lips constantly; I felt so alone and confused, that I turned my love for Willow into stronger feelings for her. And I almost did a Titanic on our friendship.”

“I was so pissed that I did something foolish, something that I still regret…I told Giles what I saw. And I’m sorry for that, for confusing you with *MY* Angel,” he wiped his eyes and lifted his head to watch the motionless vampire. “You and he are not the same, you both made drentrent choices to become the vampires that you are now or were.”

“Then why did you ask us to come here?” Angel needed to know, trying to understand how lost Xander must have been. Nothing was the same, he had lost everything that was familiar. He must have been going slowly crazy that year, friends…school…the people around him familiar but not the same.

“Because, your friends at Wolfram and Hart are in town with on a mission from their Senior partners, as well as the Oracles,” Xander looked away.

“Oh shit!” Angel snarled explosively, pacing angrily back and forth.

“Don’t worry, they don’t know who and where I’m at, but they are narrowing on my location. And right now, I’m not strong enough to stand against them or stop them without my mate,” the young man replied quietly, looking down at the carpet. "Angel, I know….I know that you are not *my* Angel, but I think you're close enough that it won't matter," Xander added softly, looking up at Angel calmly, despite the trembling in his hands.

Angel shook his head and sighed, "Xander, you're forgetting something very crucial: Angelus. I may not be able to achieve perfect happiness with you but do you really want to take a chance?" he asked gently.

The other smiled and approached the vampire. "Angelus would never hurt me, he loved me almost as much as my Angel did," he softly told the bewildered vampire. Xander stroked Angel's face delicately, his eyes steady on the startled brown gaze.

Angel was shocked to find himself purring as he lost himself in Xander's warm brown eyes. Deep within, he could feel Angelus squirming behind the barriers of his mind, arching like a cat at the gentle caress.

Taking a chance, Xander closis eis eyes and gently kissed Angel. Feeling tears burning his eyes at the familiar touch...they were so alike! He began to shake as tears seeped from his tightly closed eyes and he started to withdraw, tell Angel to leave when slowly he felt Angel's lips part and a cool tongue brushed his lips, persuading them to open.

Angel groaned into the sultry warmth as he swept inside, the taste of Xander literally exploding across his senses. Reeling from the intoxicating experience, he dove deeper, this time slower, the better to savor the steamy heat within the moist cavern.

Soft sighs and sizzling moans fillee roe room as Angel backed them to the bed and tumbled Xander down onto the rumpled sheets. Twisting up, he quickly divested them of their shirts before sinking back down, rubbing their bare chests together. Writhing against the smoldering heat, his tumescent organ tenting his pants he continued the heady kiss, before somehow, he found the strength to break away as he felt Angelus creeping dangerously closer to the surface.

Rolling away from the alluring body, he sank on the side of the bed and ran a hand over his face, trembling in reaction as he tried to resist the alluring pull of the Xander's dark seductiveness.

"What the hell was that all about?" he finally managed to gasp out.

"You got me," the boy managed to say hoarsely, feeling desire clawing at him. "It took Angel months of patiently stag meg me before I even realized what he was doing and responded. And I think I was about three or four months pregnant at the time."

Angel glanced down at Xander, his eyes slowly darkening back to brown. He frowned, he knew he had shifted, but in looking into the boy's face, there wasn'tn a n a hint of fear in the wide brown eyes.

"You're not afraid of me are you?" he asked wonderingly, searching the dark gaze.

Xander looked away from the probing look. "The Angel I remember would have greeted the sun with arms wide open before he ever hurt me, or allow harm to come to me. But this you…I had to constantly fight to remember that you didn't belong to me and that I didn't belong to you every time I saw you."

Angel was startled, "We were mates?"

Xander shook his head sadly. "No, not yet...if we had more time, he would have Claimed me." He sat up and took a deep shuddering breath, his jaw tight as he struggle to master his emotions.

"Maybe you better go…think about this,” he suggested quietly, without looking at Angel.

"There's no thinking necessary. I can't do this...and God knows Xander, that if kissing you almost released Angelus, it scathe the hell out of me to think of what making love to you w do. do. I get the feeling that Angelus would be free the second I enter you," Angel said ruefully.

"Angel, there’s a way...that is if you trust me enough to do it. You and Angelus need to merge together into one entity. It took me a couple of years to find the spell, I was going to give it to you, sorta anonymously. You may not be able to love me, but I at least hoped that you would find someone to love," Xander’s voice was gruff as he studied his pajama clad leg itly.tly.

"How long will this spell take?" Angel asked, looking thoughtfully at the bent head.

"A couple of hours maybe…" Xander replied tentatively, not daring to hope that Angel meant what he thought he meant.

"Then why are you still sitting here?" Angel raised a brow and smiled at the look of overwhelming happiness on Xander's face.


A few hours later, Xander regarded Angel anxiously as he rested back against Jennes, who was rubbing gently at his churning stomach, trying to calm him down. Taryn and Lourdey stood on either side of him, eyeing the vampire with grim eyes.

"How do you feel?" Xander asked twisting his hands, he was so scared this wasn’t gonna work that he felt like throwup. up.

Angel blinked, searching deep within himself; almost shouting with happiness not to feel Angelus familiar disturbing presence.

"Like a brand new….," Angel began to withwith a smile, then a gathering scowl was on his face as he noticed where Jennes' hand rested and he growled softly, his eyes turning to liquid gold.

“MINE,” he snarled at the demons touching what belonged to him and he began stalking forward, his nails lengthing to deadly talons.

"Angel, STOP!" Xander shouted, easily dodging around Lourdey and Taryn’s restraining hands and approaching the growling vampire. Not in the least surprised as Angel swept him behind his back protectively.

"Mine," Angel voice was a low rumble and darkness clouded his mind, and it shocked him out of his fury. He turned and looked down at Xander despairingly.

"Xander, the spell...it didn't work," he said painfully, looking away. "I can feel Angelus and he wants to rip their bodies apart for daring to touch you."

With a gentle caress, Xander responded, "Angel, that wasn't Angelus, that was you...the soul and the demon are one. Among us humans, we like to call it jealousy." His eyes twinkled with humor, forcing an answering smile from Angel.

"You're sure…?" Angel asked hesitantly, touching the other's face tentatively, then he sighed and shook his head before stepping back from the warm touch.

Taking Xander’s hand gently, he kissed the fingertips softly, “Xander wait…as much as I would like too, and I really REALLY would like nothing better than to be in bed with you…I need…I just need to make sure this is the right decision for us. Things are happening so fast that I can barely stay on my feet. Just give me a couple of days to process this because I don’t want to rush either of us into something that we won’t be able to step back from. A Claim is forever and I need to be sure. Yesterday, all I knew was that you hated my guts and that while I didn’t hate you, I didn’t like the person you were around me, the way you treated me. Can you understand where I’m coming from?” He pleaded quietly to the young man, extremely aware of the dangerous demotandtanding nearby and the volitale atmosphere now in the room.

Xander felt like he would faint and quickly lowered his eyes. Dragging in a ragged breath, he nodded and plastered a smile on his face, “Sure. Sure, I understand. I’m…uhm…I’m moving too fast for you. You just need some time to…to…I’m sorry I have to go,” he said quickly and ran out of the room.

Lourdey and Jennes hastily raced after him, catching him quickly and just holding him until they were all calmer before walking to the Xander’s bedroom.

“Shit!” Angel said explosively, dragging an angry hand threw his hair. Forgetting for the moment that Taryn was still in the room with him.

At least forgetting until he felt an iron grip around his throat.

“Decide soon vampire, or we will decide for yoTaryTaryn hissed viciously, his hand tightening painfully around Angel’s throat before releasing the other and striding away.