Altered Perception

The problem with watching

Xander wiped his tears away again, God if Spike could see him he’d mock him for years about the amount he’d cried since being, wherever it was he was. But at least this time his tears weren’t caused by sorrow, well that wasn’t exactly true. Bob had shown him Buffy on the widescreen and Xander had been happy and sad all at once, happy that Buffy had found true peace. He’d seen her and it was beautiful, there was no form to anything there and she was just a shimmering cloud of colour, all pinks, purples and some silvery white in there. Colours that he supposed had been lacking from her mortal life which he supposed was filled with reds and blacks, colours of violence and pain interspersed with only infrequent splashes of the lighter colours that now made up her existence.

Whilst he hadn’t been able to talk to her, he didn’t think that she could talk but he somehow knew that she was happy. She knew that she had succeeded and that Glory had failed, Dawn and the rest of them had survived. He couldn’t help being a little sad that he would never see her again, never speak to her. He knew that even if he didn’t make it back to Spike and the others that he wouldn’t end up where Buffy was, that was a place for heroes. Plus, any idea of heaven for him had to include Spike.

So here he was, alone again. And frankly he was getting bored, after seeing Buffy he’d asked Bob to turn the screen off. Needing some time to collect himself, but now he was kinda wishing that he could see what was going on with Spike, Willow and the rest of the guys. Just as he started to pace Bob appeared and for once he looked, well stressed. “Whoa, Bob. You OK there man?” Xander didn’t know why but seeing anything other than the usual look of tranquillity on the mans face unnerved him. “Yes, I’m fine Xander. It’s just, things have started to progress and there is a new player in the mix. Something none of us expected” he waved towards the screen and it flickered to life.

Xander watched mesmerised and humbled as the Angel Investigations team pledged their assistance to Giles and Spike, he was stunned to see Giles threaten Angel if he hurt Spike. His heart broke a little when he saw Angel and Spike reconcile after so many years apart. There was no jealousy, he knew that this bond was different to the one they had shared a century and more ago. He was so happy that Spike finally had the acceptance he craved from Angel and that Angel wouldn’t be so alone anymore. He’d laughed out loud at the revelation that Angel was in love with Cordy, who would have thought it? And then he’d laughed again as Spike had pointed out to Angel that sex didn’t equal perfect happiness.

He’d been overjoyed when they had discovered the possible means to bring him back, after glancing at Bob for confirmation he’d started to worry though. Bob had nodded but his lips had been pressed together in a grim line, he thought he knew why when he heard about the danger of the trials, he’d been screaming at Spike on the screen, telling him that he was in no way allowed to go and risk his life just to bring him back. He’d been relieved when Wes had broken the news that Spike wouldn’t be able to retrieve the damned dagger.
But nothing had surprised him more than when Angel had announced that he would take Spike’s place. That he would face the trials to bring Xander back.

Xander was silent as he watched Spike and Angel grin at each other after Spike told Angel that he would be going with him, he was scared. Scared that either of them might be hurt or even killed, he turned to Bob about to plead, beg or threaten. Anything it took to get him to agree that this couldn’t happen. “I’m sorry Xander, this isn’t how we expected things to turn out but it is already in motion. As we speak Angel and Spike are on their way to an ancient place buried deep beneath Los Angles that is a gateway to the trials”. Xander gaped “but, but you are the freaking Powers that Be for godsakes, make it stop. There has to be another way, what if I don’t want to go back? What if I do whatever it was you said, move onto a different plane, fight in a different way?”

Bob shook his head sadly, “It doesn’t work that way Xander, people still have free will and Angel and Spike have both used theirs. We believe we now have our answer, Angel is our champion. The prophecy refers to him, whilst Spike had made the decision to sacrifice his life for yours Angel would do so for anyone, that much is clear to us now. Ironically it is Spike who has made this clear however, lately Angel has been struggling. Lost in the grey between the white of his soul and the black of his demon. Reconnecting with Spike and facing his love for Cordelia Chase has led him firmly back into the white, we can see that his role in the coming battle will be the role set out in the prophecy.”

Xander couldn’t help but feel a little relieved, he had felt sick when he heard that Spike had decided to sacrifice his own life, the fact that Angel had agreed to fight with Spike and remove that possibility was a huge relief. But also, he couldn’t help the relief that flooded him when he heard that Angel was the Power’s that Be’s champion, after seeing Buffy he couldn’t deny that she was happy but the fact was he knew what fate awaited champions, more often than not a glorious death in battle. And whilst he loved the fact that Spike was steadily becoming more of a ‘white hat’ as he would put it. He couldn’t help but be selfish himself, he wanted Spike alive and with him. And if that meant that he wasn’t a champion, then Xander was fine with that.

Bob smiled at him, obviously able to tell what he was thinking again. “So it seems everyone is happy” he commented, “did you want to watch?” he waved towards the now blank screen. Xander bit his lip, that was right, Spike and Angel still had to make it through the trials. “Relax Xander, I can say I have the utmost confidence that between them they will come out of this relatively unscathed, you’ll be home before you know it.” Xander grinned, and reaching forward he poured out a glass of soda from the jug that had appeared on the table in front of him. Leaning back and making himself comfortable he breathed a sigh of relief. He was going home…