The Adventures of Deadboy and Zeppo

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"It looks like we're not going to get to torture you after all. Your sire showed up last night," the voice announced from the ceiling, and Xander kept his face toward the wall as he tried to recapture his dream. Willow had been sitting on the floor with her legs draped over his while Buffy tried to steal the popcorn bowl Xander was valiantly defending. It had been a good moment until the voice had interrupted.

Part of Xander was relieved to hear that Angel was alive and well, and part really resented losing a moment of peace just to face the same white-brick wall. The door opened, and Xander ignored it. The first day they had tried ordering him to the back of the room, but Xander just laid on the bunk until they just tazered him into oblivion. Now they didn't bother with the orders or tazers, and he didn't bother getting up. He could smell the blood, but he also didn't bother turning around to get it. It seemed a pointless to feed when he was just going to end up dust. Hell, he didn't want to feed and that really was proof that he was as much a failure in the vampire department as he had been in the vampire hunter department.

"He will be doing some work for us," the voice continued when Xander remained motionless and silent. The person who brought the blood retreated leaving the scent which both tempted and nauseated Xander. He ignored it.

"I do hope we can work together." Xander resisted an urge to laugh at that. His two futures consisted of getting staked by his sire or having to walk into the sun on his own, and pathetically enough, he didn't know whether Angel liked him well enough to do the staking.

Xander shifted his arm so that he could use it as a pillow. When he'd laughed at Angel, he'd seen his own death approaching. He really thought Angel would end it right there, but Xander understood. He might not be good with the making of the plans, but he understood that these people wouldn't let Angel out of the building without thinking they had leverage. Angel let them believe they had it.

Every hour since Angel had walked out the door Xander had waited for them to tell him that Angel had broken the deal and that Xander would pay the price. Hell, Xander was prepared the pay the price since it bought his sire's freedom and now Buffy or Willow wouldn't have to stake him. He just wished he could pay it and get it over with. But if Angel was back, maybe he'd just get a quick staking.

The voice didn't say any more, and Xander let himself drift back to sleep. It was getting easier to just sleep all day, to slide into his dreams, this time chasing a running gang member through dirty back alleys that managed not to stink. The man was huge and kept throwing empty garbage cans in his way so that Xander had to go bounding over them, feeling his demonic strength gather under him as he leapt into the air in pursuit.

Xander could tell the blood was gone the moment he woke up again. "Time for you to go, Mr. Harris," the voice from the ceiling said, and Xander realized that the pop from the intercom switching on had woken him. He sat up this time and stretched his muscles before studying his hands. The knuckles were white and the skin was a little wrinkled like he had been soaking in water. He needed blood.

"I must say you have been a most cooperative guest and rather low maintenance." The voice sounded self-satisfied, smug, downright happy. Xander let his fangs drop as he imagined the joy of breaking the man's neck. "If you would follow the guards' instructions, we will get you back to your sire very shortly."

The door opened and two guards appeared with tazers, an officer following behind. "Walk to the back of the room and face the mirror," the officer ordered, and Xander considered his options. He could be taken to Angel in chains or unconscious.

Alive and conscious, he would have to see his sire's eyes. He had fucked up and put Angel in a situation where Angel had to kill for him, and while Xander didn't give a rat's ass about some random human, he knew that Angel would suffer for that death. He didn't understand why Angel had killed instead of just taking off, but he didn't understand a lot of things: nuclear energy, alternate dimensions, Abba. But no matter how hard he tried to avoid it, he did understand one thing. He had hurt his sire. He actually wished Angel had just broken the deal because Xander would rather face torture than look at Angel now.

Unconscious he wouldn't have to see Angel's pain. Besides, if Angel got to stake him while he was up and talking and sounding like Xander Harris who had sent him to hell, Angel might actually have that moment of perfect happiness. For Cordy and Willow and Buffy, maybe it'd be safer to avoid letting Angel have that much joy. The broody one would get enough happiness out of staking Xander's unconscious form, so maybe that would balance out the extra guilt.

Xander didn't move.

"You will follow orders or I will order the guards to tazer you," the officer snapped.

"So tazer me. Afraid they can't hit at this range?" Xander replied. He'd gone through life poking at bullies, so he might as well go out the same.

"This is your last warning."

"You guys are slow on the uptake, anyone ever tell you that? I'm not moving." Xander closed his eyes. When the waves of pain hit him, he allowed them to push him into a nothingness that would hopefully last forever. The other option was hell, and Xander really didn't want to go there if he had any choice in the matter.

"Go gcreime an diabhal do chroí," hissed a voice from the other end of a long tunnel.

"He refused to follow simple directions; my men had no choice," a second familiar voice answered in a tone that fell somewhere between soothing and aggravated.

"And what about feeding him? Didn't you have a choice in that? I asked for him back unmarked, and you hand over a fledge that clearly hasn't fed, is unconscious, and is still in the same blood-stained jeans he had on five days ago."

Xander listened to Angel's voice as he tried to sort out whether he was awake or dreaming. Angel sounding almost concerned and his own unmoving body suggested dream, but the hard tiles under his cheek suggested real.

"Since you plan on giving him a quick death, his physical state wouldn't seem to be an issue," the second person answered, and now Xander recognized the voice from the ceiling, only it sounded like that voice was coming from a person instead of the ceiling this time. Struggling to regain control, Xander started bending his fingers.

"You made promises, and my main concern is that you don't seem to hold your end of the bargain up very well. When we make a deal, I expect to you follow through. If you ever fail this badly again, I will reconsider the terms of our agreement." Angel's strong hands closed over his arms and pulled him up and then Xander found himself draped over Angel's shoulder like some damsel in distress.

Since Xander couldn't get control of his body, he could only dangle helpless with his hands swaying near the back of Angel's legs as he made silent complaints about Angel damaging his male ego with the whole girlish approach to rescue… not that Angel was being girlish, but Xander was sort of girlishly thrown over Angel's shoulder. Xander twitched his fingers again and tried to grab hold of something for support as Angel turned so fast that Xander had an image of himself flying off in the opposite direction. However Angel's arm wrapped tightly around his upper legs held him in place.

By the time Xander got his eyes open and his hands making meaningful movement, Angel was dropping him into the passenger side of the convertible. He considered calling for his sire, but he didn't think he really had a right to call Angel that anymore.

"Deadboy?" Xander called.

"Don't call me that," Angel ordered tightly as he pulled the seatbelt around Xander and clicked it in. Xander felt a bubble of hysteria rise. Nice, the vamp who was about to kill him didn't want him to get an owie if there was an accident. Xander turned his head to look away as Angel slid into the driver's seat, and he could see several men standing on the inside of a glass wall. One was the officer who ordered the guards to tazer him. One of the others must be the voice from the ceiling. Xander concentrated and went into game face just as Angel pulled the car away from the curb. He barely had time to see two of the men step back startled, and that felt at least a little good.

Xander allowed his human face to surface again. It was just easier for him. Watching the traffic flow by, Xander tried to ignore the silent condemnation from within the car. The tingling effects of the electricity lingered far longer this time than last, and Xander slowly worked each limb as he tried to regain enough control that Angel would let him walk once the car stopped.

The passed a park with a large stand of trees, and Xander found himself wishing Angel would stop there. Jesse had drifted to the ground in the middle of a crowd at the Bronze, and Xander had seen his best friend's ashes stomped underfoot like common dirt. He would have liked his ashes to have ended up somewhere a little better.

Even though Xander was trying to figure out where they were going, he didn't actually make the connection until he saw the old building around the corner. The hotel. Xander closed his eyes and just hoped Cordy was gone because she couldn’t save him this time. He had proved that he was an idiot when it came to plans although technically Angel should have already known that. He had cost Angel some of those redemption points the broody one kept trying to save up, and even worse, he had accused Angel of lying about the whole demon-soul thing. Xander realized now that he had just made assumptions without talking to Angel, which really, not surprising. Angel wasn't one for the talking. And then there was the whole thing where the guy in the lobby said that Angel's goal had been to give him a quick death. Really, it was about the most Xander could expect at this point.

Angel pulled the car to the curb, and Xander reached down and unbuckled the seatbelt before getting out. He stood next to the car, waiting for some sort of orders, but Angel had reached a new level of brood. Xander ducked his head as Angel came around to stand next to him. The vampire opened his mouth only to shut it again, and then a look of loss came over the face that Xander had always accused of being incapable of actually expressing emotion. Xander bit his tongue to avoid nervously blurting some comment about Angel's face splitting.

"Come on then," Angel finally said as he headed into the hotel, and Xander followed. The sire scent in the lobby made Xander cringe. This was Angel's home, his territory. Part of Xander's demon uncurled and practically purred at being inside sire's territory, but for the most part, it just hurt. One more place he didn't really fit. He should be used to it by now. Xander wondered whether he'd fit in hell, but he somehow doubted it.

"Xander!" Cordelia practically shrieked as she threw herself into his arms. Xander looked at the curve of the next pressed into his face as she allowed her own head to rest on his shoulder. For a second, it smelled like food, like chocolate and steak and Twinkies all rolled up in one. He blinked, and she was Cordelia again. Cordelia who could eviscerate a man with her words and leave him feeling guilty that she got her hands dirty doing it.

"I need to get some blood," Angel said as he disappeared into the back, and Xander knew he needed to say goodbye.

"Cordy," he said softly, trying not to hear her heart pounding as it moved her blood around her delicious body.

"Xander, you look horrible, and I swear, if Angel didn't tell those guys off, you just let me know. I will march down there and tell them exactly what I think about them pulling all this cloak and dagger shit in my town. If they think Angel is scary, they should meet the woman who scares him into handing over his wallet." Cordy's words made Xander smile, and suddenly he didn't even have to ignore her heartbeat because he knew he'd starve himself to dust before eating her.

"Cordy, I’m fine. Doing okay except for the obvious dead issue."

"Mister, if you disappear on us like that again, the dead issue will be the least of your worries." She stepped back and hit him for good measure.

"Cordy," Xander tried again.

"Because you do not know how pissed I was when Wesley came back and said you had decided to aimlessly wander the streets."

"Cordy…"

"I mean, I know you have a reputation for doing the dumbest thing possible while you were in Sunnydale, but this is a new town, and you need to make changes."

"Could I get a word in?" Xander finally raised his voice in frustration.

"No. You have that tone that tells me you're going to say something I don't like, so I'm ignoring you."

"Cordy," Xander started again as he pulled her to the round couch and sat down. She sat down close enough that their legs were pressed up against each other, and Xander blinked rapidly. "I can't stay here," he started slowly.

"Angel is a brooding bastard at times, but he's been better lately and he needs us around to kick is ass when he does the whole brood fest."

"I'll leave the Angel ass kicking to you," Xander smiled. "Not a better girl in the world for it." He was rewarded with one of Cordelia's best smiles. "But he can't have me around. It's…"

"He won't hold Sunnydale against you," she said quietly.

"I know. It's just that…" Xander had never felt so helpless with words. He could usually find lots of words to come out his mouth, they were never the right ones, but they were words. Now he couldn't seem to get his thoughts together enough to even babble. "He's my sire, and I don't want to hurt him, but being here hurts him. I can't do it to him."

"Oh Xander. It's a vampire thing. Maybe we could get Wesley to fix it and then you can go back to annoying him cheerfully."

"I don't want it fixed," Xander admitted. "He's all I have left."

"You have me," Cordelia said quietly, and Xander nearly kicked himself as he watched the tears gather in her eyes. Great plan, Zeppo.

"It's not the same as before. Hell, before wasn't 'before' after the whole Willow thing, and that made more sense in my head before I actually said it."

"I know what you mean," Cordy promised as she turned away and gave the corner of her eye a quick swipe with the back of her hand. "I'm not enough for you any more."

"I'm a vampire. Vamps have other vampires. Well, except Angel, and he needs to live alone because he can't be a vamp, and when I’m around… it's not good for him."

"He's been better since you came. He was really going off the deep end for a while, and I thought I was going to have to beat him senseless with my handbag."

"Wouldn't have worked, his hair gel is thick enough to deflect your biggest Prada." Xander teased back without really any energy.

"You really won't stay?"

"No."

"So, where are you going?" Xander closed his eyes as he tried to come up with a lie fast enough, and he'd had a lie all prepared so why couldn't he remember it now?

"Xander?!" Cordelia's voice was sharp now.

"I can't do the whole vampire gang, Cordy. I really don't want to have you stake me for eating some tourist. And the clan… let's just say the Aurelius clan has issues. Worse than the Harris clan, and I've had enough of dysfunctional families."

"But, you can't mean."

"Cordy, I don't want to be alone. I can't do it. Please, understand. I don't fit in. If Angel won't…" Xander's voice broke as he tried to say the word. "If he won't, I'll just have to walk in the sun, and you know how I was after the whole immolation o'gram. So, just don't get mad at him because it's what I want." Xander had expected screaming, hitting, some threatening. Instead Cordelia started crying silently. Her body jerked with the sobs and then Xander found her pressed to his chest, hot tears falling on his neck.

"Cordy? Xander?" Angel came out with his skin flushed pink from feeding. Xander gently pushed Cordelia away as he stood. He thought as a vampire he'd be fearless, and in that alley he'd felt pretty damn fearless, but now fear tightened around his chest until he physically ached.

"Can we go upstairs?" Xander asked quietly.

"Yeah. We need to talk," Angel answered, and Xander bit his lip to keep silent as he waited for Angel to start up the stairs. As he started to follow, a warm hand grabbed his for a moment before Cordelia got up and fled out the front doors of the hotel.