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folder
BtVS AU/AR › Slash - Male/Male › Spike(William)/Xander
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
12
Views:
4,648
Reviews:
10
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
BtVS AU/AR › Slash - Male/Male › Spike(William)/Xander
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
12
Views:
4,648
Reviews:
10
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Grief and Love
Chapter 12 - Grief and Love
Xander stood dry eyed and still as the casket was lowered to the
ground. What was wrong with him? He'd cried ten times a day this
past week, but now, NOW, when he really should be crying, nothing.
He shook his head, lowering his eyes to the ground before his feet.
He felt the gentle pressure as Spike wrapped his waist in a one
armed embrace. The vampire's eyes shining with wetness, only
made Xander that much more frustrated with himself. What was
wrong with him?
Dawn's sobs were loud and heart wrenching. She stood in between
Willow and Tara, supported on both sides. Giles stood a little behind
the three, his eyes dark and incredibly sad. He'd lost a daughter in
Buffy. And Xander knew that if anyone blamed themselves for Buffy's
death it would be Giles, her ex-watcher.
The funeral ended. Xander closed his eyes and leant into Spike's
cool body. Was it time to go home yet? Could they just leave? No.
They would follow the girls back to the Summers home and do the
meet and greet for all the guests. They couldn't, wouldn't leave the
rest of the gang to deal with it.
Resignedly he reopened his eyes and pulled away from Spike. As
they turned to walk back toward the car, Spike's hand shot out a too took hold of his. Giving silent but understanding support. Xander
held on for dear life.
As he walked he glanced around him at the other guests heading
back to their cars. Did they think it strange that the funeral was held
at night? Or was it just another Sunnydale phenomenon to be
ignored? Nobody had asked. And it wasn't as if the scoobies were
going to volunteer information.
They trudged up the hill, finally reaching their car. Xander slid into
the passenger side, not wanting to think enough, function enough to
drive the few blocks it would take. Spike started the car without a
word. Only taking Xander's hand once more after they'd cleared the
cemetery gates.
Arriving at the Summers home, they saw that the house was already
full. They had a plethora of casseroles and other buffet type items
out on the dining room table. It seemed that every neighbor and
otherwise clueless resident of Sunnydale had thought a potpie or a
pineapple upside down cake would somehow make everything better.
Xander wanted to cry out with frustration. Instead he walked toward
Dawnie and just held his arms open. She flew into them, sobbing on
his shoulder struggling to catch her breath. He ran gentle fingers
through her long shining hair, and cooed words of comfort in her ear.
All the time feeling numb and lifeless himself. Where were his tears?
The rest of the night was spent mingling. Excepting condolences,
answering questions. Finally, finally the guests left, leaving in their
wake silence and a sad sense of relief. At least this part was over.
Were they supposed to get on with their lives now?
Xander and Spike helped the girls clean up the house. Throwing
almost everything they could away. Nobody wanted to keep any
reminders of why the food and desserts had been given. They didn't
need any.
Exhausted Spike and Xander headed home. It was after one in the
morning, and they had just kissed the girls goodnight and left Giles to
watch over them. They climbed in to the car, still silent. Reaching
home they plodded up the stairs, neither one wanting to take the time
to wait for the elevator.
Xander stripped bare the second they entered the bedroom. He was
cold, but felt trapped in his clothes. So naked, he slipped under the
covers, drawing the sheet up to his chin. He was shaking when Spike
followed him.
Immediately Spike pulled Xander into his embrace, rubbing his arms
up and down the boy's back and arms, cooing softly.
"It's okay, you can cry now luv." Spike whispered in his ear. The first
full sentence either of them had spoken that day.
And like a dam he burst. His voice exploded in a keening wail,
shudders wracked his body. Spike only continued to coo softly,
purring now and then, and rocking him gently.
His crying tapered slowly. His voice was hoarse and his throat felt
raw. "She's gone Spike." His head shook in denial. "Why?
How…how are we supposed to go on? What's going to happen
now?"
Spike petted Xander's hair, still rocking him gently. "Life Xan. Life
happens now." He whispered the words in Xander's ear, giving it a
gentle kiss before continuing. "We go on, because we have to.
Because we made a promise and I intend to keep it." He continued to
stroke Xander's hair, a familiar and comforting gesture. "Buffy asked
us to live. And so we will."
They lay together for several minutes, Xander's breathing returning to
normal, his eyes drying. He leaned up to give Spike a chaste kiss on
the lips, and whisper a quiet "thank you" before resettling on his
chest. And as dawn drew near they both quietly slipped into the
oblivion of sleep.
THE END.
Xander stood dry eyed and still as the casket was lowered to the
ground. What was wrong with him? He'd cried ten times a day this
past week, but now, NOW, when he really should be crying, nothing.
He shook his head, lowering his eyes to the ground before his feet.
He felt the gentle pressure as Spike wrapped his waist in a one
armed embrace. The vampire's eyes shining with wetness, only
made Xander that much more frustrated with himself. What was
wrong with him?
Dawn's sobs were loud and heart wrenching. She stood in between
Willow and Tara, supported on both sides. Giles stood a little behind
the three, his eyes dark and incredibly sad. He'd lost a daughter in
Buffy. And Xander knew that if anyone blamed themselves for Buffy's
death it would be Giles, her ex-watcher.
The funeral ended. Xander closed his eyes and leant into Spike's
cool body. Was it time to go home yet? Could they just leave? No.
They would follow the girls back to the Summers home and do the
meet and greet for all the guests. They couldn't, wouldn't leave the
rest of the gang to deal with it.
Resignedly he reopened his eyes and pulled away from Spike. As
they turned to walk back toward the car, Spike's hand shot out a too took hold of his. Giving silent but understanding support. Xander
held on for dear life.
As he walked he glanced around him at the other guests heading
back to their cars. Did they think it strange that the funeral was held
at night? Or was it just another Sunnydale phenomenon to be
ignored? Nobody had asked. And it wasn't as if the scoobies were
going to volunteer information.
They trudged up the hill, finally reaching their car. Xander slid into
the passenger side, not wanting to think enough, function enough to
drive the few blocks it would take. Spike started the car without a
word. Only taking Xander's hand once more after they'd cleared the
cemetery gates.
Arriving at the Summers home, they saw that the house was already
full. They had a plethora of casseroles and other buffet type items
out on the dining room table. It seemed that every neighbor and
otherwise clueless resident of Sunnydale had thought a potpie or a
pineapple upside down cake would somehow make everything better.
Xander wanted to cry out with frustration. Instead he walked toward
Dawnie and just held his arms open. She flew into them, sobbing on
his shoulder struggling to catch her breath. He ran gentle fingers
through her long shining hair, and cooed words of comfort in her ear.
All the time feeling numb and lifeless himself. Where were his tears?
The rest of the night was spent mingling. Excepting condolences,
answering questions. Finally, finally the guests left, leaving in their
wake silence and a sad sense of relief. At least this part was over.
Were they supposed to get on with their lives now?
Xander and Spike helped the girls clean up the house. Throwing
almost everything they could away. Nobody wanted to keep any
reminders of why the food and desserts had been given. They didn't
need any.
Exhausted Spike and Xander headed home. It was after one in the
morning, and they had just kissed the girls goodnight and left Giles to
watch over them. They climbed in to the car, still silent. Reaching
home they plodded up the stairs, neither one wanting to take the time
to wait for the elevator.
Xander stripped bare the second they entered the bedroom. He was
cold, but felt trapped in his clothes. So naked, he slipped under the
covers, drawing the sheet up to his chin. He was shaking when Spike
followed him.
Immediately Spike pulled Xander into his embrace, rubbing his arms
up and down the boy's back and arms, cooing softly.
"It's okay, you can cry now luv." Spike whispered in his ear. The first
full sentence either of them had spoken that day.
And like a dam he burst. His voice exploded in a keening wail,
shudders wracked his body. Spike only continued to coo softly,
purring now and then, and rocking him gently.
His crying tapered slowly. His voice was hoarse and his throat felt
raw. "She's gone Spike." His head shook in denial. "Why?
How…how are we supposed to go on? What's going to happen
now?"
Spike petted Xander's hair, still rocking him gently. "Life Xan. Life
happens now." He whispered the words in Xander's ear, giving it a
gentle kiss before continuing. "We go on, because we have to.
Because we made a promise and I intend to keep it." He continued to
stroke Xander's hair, a familiar and comforting gesture. "Buffy asked
us to live. And so we will."
They lay together for several minutes, Xander's breathing returning to
normal, his eyes drying. He leaned up to give Spike a chaste kiss on
the lips, and whisper a quiet "thank you" before resettling on his
chest. And as dawn drew near they both quietly slipped into the
oblivion of sleep.
THE END.