Becoming

Chapter 11

‘Hello, my name is Xander and I’m an incubus’





Xander paced the length of his den nervously, 14 steps to the window, turn and 14 paces back to the couch where Spike was sprawled totally relaxed trying to ignore his pacing, repeat as necessary until passing out of exhaustion or exploding from nervous energy. “For the love of all that’s unholy will you sit the fuck down Xan!” Spike was obviously not as relaxed as he looked, he grabbed Xander’s wrist and tugged him down until he sat on the couch “I know your nervous luv but their your friends right? They love you and that’s not going to change just because you’re a bit different. They didn’t mind when they thought that Glinda was a bit demon did they? And s’not like you’ve kept this from them, the minute you found out you’re telling them, not hiding behind mojo and the like. It’s going to be fine luv, they didn’t have an issue when they found out you loved me right? Didn’t treat you any different or look at you like you weren’t the same Xander? It’s going to be fine pet, and if it’s not or they have a problem with it me and Peaches’ll kill the lot of them.”





Xander sighed, “Yeah I know and when you put it like that I feel better, not the killing them thing and by the way, so not gonna happen” he flashed his own version of the patented Willow resolve face at Spike “but the rest, I mean you’re right. They were completely fine about me being in love with you, I think Will’s is gonna give you the shovel talk at some point but other than that, I mean Buffy even said that she knew when you loved someone that you gave them everything, heart and soul. And yeah when we thought Tara had demon in her no-one said anything bad, but we were kinda concentrating on not letting her red-neck asshole family drag her back to wherever the hell they’re from. It’s just, what if they do treat me different? What if I can’t be part of the gang anymore? What if Giles says I’m evil and Buffy has to slay me?” Xander’s voice which had calmed somewhat started to increase in pitch as he got more and more stressed, “oh God, what if Buffy did try to kill me, I couldn’t fight back but I don’t want to let her kill me, I don’t wanna die!” Spike huffed impatiently and dragged Xander’s face round to face his, silencing Xander’s panicky babbling with a deep kiss.





When they broke apart Xander’s heart was still racing but for entirely different reasons, “I thought we were supposed to be working on me controlling the need for sex” he gasped as Spike kissed and nibbled his way down Xander’s neck, “yeah, but s’fun and you need to relax” Spike’s hands planted on his ass and encouraging Xander to grind his sudden hard on against Spike’s matching hardness didn’t help matters. Before things could get too heated however Spike cocked his head to one side like a dog, “Bloody hell, alright Xan, get yourself together pet, I can hear the whole bloody gang traipsing down the hallway, they’ll be here in a few minutes” Xander reluctantly extricated himself and pushed himself into a more comfortable position, at least as comfortable as he could get, trying to hide his hardness without having to admit defeat and changing into some looser pants. Angel came striding into the den muttering something under his breath, Xander couldn’t catch what it was but Spike’s grin made it obvious he did, as Angel moved to answer the door the second someone knocked Xander leant over and whispered in Spike’s ear “what’s got Angel upset?”, Spike laughed lowly and the sound made Xander’s stomach tighten “He’s grateful for the interruption, something along the lines of ‘cant take another night of you pair screaming and wailing’” seeing Xander’s face blush Spike added fiercely “don’t you dare pet, I fucking love the noises you make, hearing you moan when I touch you, those bloody whimpers you make when I push into your tight, hot ass and god hearing you scream my name when you come. Xander, I could happily spend the rest of my unlife just making you make those noises”.





Unfortunately whilst having the desired affect of soothing Xander and quelling the embarrassment he’d felt at hearing what Angel had said Spike’s words also had another effect. Xander was flung back, panting and biting hard on his lip to stop himself from screaming. Spike’s husky words had brought him right to the edge, and at that moment Angel opened the door and Buffy, Willow, Tara and Giles all saw Xander, body bowed under the strain of holding back his orgasm, they rushed forward assuming that Xander was in some sort of pain. Spike tried to tell them to stay back but his hands automatically went to Xander to hold him and that was all Xander needed to tip him over the edge. Xander bucked twice and came screaming Spike’s name again, as the colours cleared from his vision he saw that Willow, Tara and Giles were slumped on the floor, Buffy was standing but on shaky legs and being supported by Angel. He was being cradled by Spike who had for some reason dragged the throw from the back of the couch and thrown it over the pair of them. As Xander squirmed and felt the uncomfortable dampness in his pants he was suddenly grateful for Spike’s quick thinking and for saving him that humiliating experience. Flashing a weary, sated smile at Spike he slumped back, trusting Spike to hold his weight, at that moment Giles seemed to find his voice “Would someone like to explain what the bloody hell is going on?..”



Spike helped Xander into the bedroom and settled him on the bed whilst he rummaged for a clean pair of pants. Xander hung his head until his chin was touching his chest, he felt Spike approach and wasn’t that just weird, he was beginning to become attuned to Spike, so much that he knew where he was in a room without having to look. “How am I going to be able to go out there Spike? After that” he groaned, flopping back on the bed and covering his face with his arm. He felt Spike settle his weight at the bottom of the bed and cool nimble fingers unbuttoned his fly, “well admittedly it’s probably best to wait until you’ve got the feeling back in your legs pet, unless you want me to carry you again. But then it’s a simple case of putting one foot in front of the other until you reach the room” Spike spoke in a careful, conversational tone as he slipped Xander’s trousers down, a tap on the hip had Xander automatically lifting his hips to help. “That’s not what I meant and you know it, I mean, oh my god I just gave all my friends a, a psychic orgasm, gah… I gave Giles a psychic orgasm” he groaned, Spike laughed and then quickly said “yeah, s’better than trying to kill them or something though eh?” Xander felt himself being cleaned up with something soft and he rolled his closed eyes at the thought of another shirt being sacrificed to clean-up, man he was going to be doing some serious laundry if this kept up, “s’more my fault than yours anyway pet, I got you all wound up before they came and then s’pose that little speech of mine didn’t help matters.” Xander perked up at this “yeah, yeah you’re right. I mean I probably would have had it under control and I was fighting it anyway, it was just when you touched me that I lost it.” He moved the arm from his face and struggled to a sitting position before he remembered that it still didn’t really change the situation “but I’m still going to have to explain what just happened, what I am” he finished quietly. “Yeah, yeah you are pet” Spike’s arm snaked round his waist and pulled him close but it was a gesture of comfort not a prelude to sex and Xander appreciated it more than he could say. “But I’ll be there, right by your side ‘kay pet.” Xander sighed and nodded, “OK, let me get dressed and we’ll go out there, you wont leave?” a lifetime of insecurities left him worried, despite the knowledge that Spike loved himk that if this all got too difficult he would leave. “Never” Spike growled, “I’m as much yours as you are mine pet, I don’t think I could survive without you luv and I have no intention of testing the theory”. Slapping Xander’s ass he leapt to his feet and held out a pair of sweats to Xander, “c’mon then luv, time to face the music”. Xander stood and tugged the pants on, his palms were sweaty as he gripped Spike’s outstretched hand tightly. He gulped and then followed Spike out the door and into the den.



Giles was sitting uncomfortably on the recliner, looking very out of place in such a schlumpy chair with a worried look on his face. Buffy was standing in the corner talking in a low voice to Angel and Willow and Tara were on the couch, sitting much closer than they usually did, Tara was sort of slumped against Willow who looked as though she were on the verge of sleep herself. Xander straightened his back and lifted his head as he approached, determined to get this over with. He sat on the other end of the couch and Spike perched himself on the arm, still holding Xander’s hand and offering silent support. Immediately everyone started at once, Willow and Tara asking concernedly if he was OK, Buffy demanding to know what the hell just happened and looking pissed, Giles simply staring at Xander as though seeing him for the first time. Xander held up a hand as if to stop the onslaught of questions but they continued, all voices rising in pitch until Xander felt like he was going to cry “Oi! Bloody hell, he cant tell ya pillocks anything if you’re all bloody yelling on top of each other can he?!” Spike was standing now and had moved into a defensive position in front of Xander, Xander leant around to see the stunned looks on everyone’s faces, Willow and Tara looked suitably abashed, Giles still had that almost sad look on his face but Buffy looked like someone had slapped her in the face with a wet fish.







Xander started to explain, he started to explain a dozen times but couldn’t find the words. Eventually Spike had stepped in “look, s’like this. Me and Xan here, we love each other yeah? And, well not saying that we planned this or anything but well see, there’s this ritual. S’called consort claiming an-“ “You bloody foolish boy!” Giles roared, standing abruptly and dislodging the cup of tea that had been resting on the arm of his chair, “do you have any idea what you’ve done? Any idea at all? Bound to a vampire for the rest of your life, or his for that matter? Do you understand that Xander? If Spike is killed, no matter if it is tomorrow or 20 years from now you will die!” Giles seemed to run out of air and slumped defeated in the chair his head in his hands. To Xander’s surprise Spike didn’t explode, didn’t argue and didn’t make any snarky remarks. Instead he sat next to Xander, his head low and he seemed to be intent on studying his fingernails. All of a sudden Xander was furious, how dare Giles talk to him like he was a child, as though he didn’t know what he had gotten into and how dare he upset Spike. He saw Willow looking outraged on his behalf and felt a rush of love for his red-headed friend, however he was upset to see that Buffy had paled and looked somewhere between devastated and angry, the only thing that stopped him from bursting into tears was the seeing Angel notice the look on Buffy’s face and his features suddenly taking on a cold look. Angel took a few steps back, putting some distance between him and Buffy and he shot Xander a sympathetic look. That and the lost look on Spike’s face was all it took.



“Yes” he said in a clear voice that didn’t waver, Giles’ head snapped up and Xander saw he had the attention of everyone in the room. “Yes I realise what I’ve done. I’ve made the best decision of my life so far, I’ve found someone who loves me, the real me that is. Christ Giles you always made me feel like I was some sort of fucking sidekick, good for nothing until recently when I’m handy to have around if you’ve got shelves that need putting up. I may not be slayer strong, wicca powerful or even research guy but goddamm it I’ve fought alongside all of you for years for no reason other than the fact that it’s the right thing to do. I don’t have a destiny forcing me into this, it’s not my job and I’m not seeking redemption but I still do it. I turn out every night knowing I’m gonna get knocked about and yeah that there’s a real possibility that one night I’m not going to make it home. I bet you don’t even know how many time me, Will’s and Tara have had to go to the ER after patrol” seeing Willow’s distressed look at one of their secrets being revealed he turned and lowering his tone to a more normal one he said “I’m sorry Wills but it needs to be said, I’m fucking sick of this and you should be too” he was encouraged to see Tara nod and rub Willow’s shoulders encouragingly, turning back to Buffy “Buffy, I love you. You’re one of my best friends, but you need to realise that not everyone does this because they have to, we do it because we hope that by doing so someone out there is going to make it home that night, they get to sit down to dinner with loved ones and go to bed safe because we were out there fighting the good fight.” All of a sudden Xander felt exhausted, he glanced at Angel and was treated to a small smile with a nod as though Angel approved of what he had said, he turned to look at Spike and the sight knocked him breathless, Spike stood and was looking at him with pride and lust burning in equal measures.





Spike’s arms gripped his biceps tightly and he was tugged towards the blonde before being kissed harshly, Spike’s tongue was ruthless slipping into his mouth and flicking along the top row of Xander’s teeth before retreating to his own mouth, before Xander’s could follow to return the favour Spike pulled away and holding him at arms length growled in a low voice “you are so fucking hot when you’re angry Xan, I’m gonna piss you off everyday so you can shout like that at me and then I’m gonna fuck you senseless to make it up to you”. Xander heard a meep from behind him and guessed it was Tara, rather than blushing though he just spoke in a quiet voice, quiet enough that only Spike and possibly Angel could hear and said “what makes you think you’ll be the one doing the fucking? After all if you’re making it up to me seems only fair that I’d get to top…” he shot a coy look through lowered eyelashes and saw that his words had had the desired affect, Spike’s eyes had darkened to midnight blue with lust and he had started to breathe heavily, something which Xander had learned to recognise as him close to losing control. At that precise moment Xander was tempted to tell everyone to just get the hell out right now so that he and Spike could rip each others clothes off and fuck each other until oh possibly the next decade. But at the sound of Giles clearing his throat he sighed and turned to face the others.





“Xander, I, I fear I may have overreacted somewhat to your news, however I, I have to admit that I’m shocked by your outburst. I truly had no idea that you felt that way, and you’re right. I suppose in my efforts to act as Watcher to Buffy I have at times overlooked the contributions that you, Willow and Tara make. I had no idea that you, any of you had required medical attention after patrol. I offer my sincerest apologies, but it is important that you know that I have only ever had the best of intentions where all of you are concerned, I see you all as, well, as my children in a way, you more than anyone in honesty, I know you think you’re good at hiding it but I know-“ Xander cut him off with a choked “Giles”, he took a deep breath “stop please. I know I don’t have any right to ask after the rant I’ve just had but I think I know where this is going and honestly, it’s not something I want airing right now OK?” Giles nodded slowly “alright, I can respect that Xander. It’s enough to say that I never intended for you to feel diminished in any way. In fact I only, well as I’ve already said overreacted because I care for you deeply and the thought of something happening to you, something you have no control over. The fact that your life hinges on someone else’s existence, someone who is likely to play the hero, well..” Giles trailed off but Xander caught the sudden movement of Spike’s head as it jerked upward. He too was shocked, Giles was worried that Xander would die not because Spike would endanger him or be reckless but because he thought Spike would die fighting evil. He moved closer to Giles and said “Giles, the thing is, if Spike died under any circumstances I wouldn’t be able to go on anyway, so this just makes it easier”, he heard Spike’s growl at that and the muttered “not going to happen anyway, no way I’m going to take my Xan-pet down with me so I’ll just have to make sure I don’t die”.





Xander placed a hesitant hand on Giles’ shoulder, he was relieved when the older man looked up and gave a rather weak attempt at a smile, Giles’ eyes were suspiciously wet but the infamous British still upper lip kicked in and he cleared his throat, true to form he removed his glasses and started to polish them furiously muttering under his breath “yes, well, glad that’s all sorted”, “sure G-man” Xander grinned and giving his shoulder one more squeeze he moved back to sit next to Spike who had claimed his spot on the settee and Xander was pleased to see was allowing Tara to pat his hand gently. He made to sit in Spike’s vacated spot on the arm but Spike gently tugged him until he was sat in Spike’s lap. He felt the tension in Spike’s frame and was puzzled until he saw Buffy standing stiffly by the door, she looked, well lost. Xander sighed, he knew that in a way this was simpler than with Giles, he has worried that Giles wouldn’t accept this because it was Spike. He knew that wasn’t an issue for Buffy, she had tried to help Spike and had even so much as given her approval. No, Buffy’s problem was more personal and assuredly going to be more painful. He gave Spike a swift kiss and stood, crossing the room to where Buffy stood, he could see unshed tears glistening in her eyes and her glance kept darting to Angel then back to Xander. Xander put one hand on her shoulder and she automatically turned, burying her head against his chest and seeking comfort, he could feel her thin frame shaking with suppressed sobs. She had been through so much, the loss of Joyce had affected them all but for Buffy, losing her mom like that, having the responsibility of raising Dawn and running a house on top of college, plus Glory’s relentless pursuit of the key, eventually getting hold of Dawn and the fight that none of them had been sure they would win. Xander took a moment to marvel the fact that this was the first time he had seen her cry, in these long months he had never seen her be anything but strong and he didn’t know how she managed it. He wrapped his arms around her and soothed her, he worried about how to convince Spike to clear the room and give them some privacy and to his surprise Spike said “Right then, how’s about you all go for pizza? Angel’s treat” he shot a sly grin at his sire, Xander inanely thought to himself that he hoped Willow remembered that Buffy only liked chicken and pinapple when Spike said “I know Xander fancies one with everything and the Slayer’ll want chicken and pineapple the rest of you can grab what you want yeah” Xander threw Spike a shocked look, just how the hell did Spike know what pizza Buffy liked? He got a slightly puzzled look back but then decided that it didn’t really matter he concentrated on holding Buffy, allowing her to hide her tears as the gang quietly filed out, when the door had closed softly behind a reluctant looking Angel who had to be tugged from the room by Giles and Willow Xander pressed a quick kiss to the top of Buffy’s head, he inhaled the sweet smell of the Lemon shampoo she used and sighed.





“I’m so sorry Buffy”, her head lifted and he saw the question in her eyes, red rimmed from the tears she had finally allowed to fall, “I can’t imagine how this must feel for you, all of a sudden I’ve got everything that you want. I’m able to be with the man I love, he’s a vampire with a soul like Angel and it must seem so unfair that we can be together whilst you and Angel can’t. I really wish that you and him could be together, I know I’ve not been Angel’s biggest fan to date but I know him now Buffy and I get it, I get what you see in him and he’s a good man. I’m not just sad for you Buff, I’m sad for him too, it makes me hurt imagining what it must feel like, to have him so close but not be able to touch him.” He trailed off, unable to express the sorrow he felt for her and Angel, she wiped her eyes and sniffed before offering him a watery smile. “Xander, I am happy for you, honestly. It’s just, god I’m so selfish!” she angrily wiped her eyes again “you and Spike get to be together for ever, and me and Angel…” she had that lost look again and Xander would have done anything to remove it. Suddenly though she cocked her head to the side and a suspicious gleam entered her eye “hang on a minute… did you say soul? Spike has a soul?” Xander closed his eyes and cringed at the “Bollocks” that came from Spike who had been standing quietly in the kitchen.





Xander, Spike and Buffy sat side by side on the couch waiting for the others to get back, Spike had told Buffy about fighting to get his soul back and she had been impressed. “Wow, the demon trials. I read about those once- What?! I do read those books sometimes you know!” Ignoring both men’s incredulous look she continued “they’re like really harsh though, I mean we’re talking torture and fights to the death kind of stuff. I can’t believe you did it” Xander decided there and then that he liked the look Spike was wearing right now, pride sat better than arrogance on those naturally haughty features. Suddenly Buffy sat forward, “mmm I smell pizza, God I hope they got mine right, I could eat a horse. Why is it that crying always makes you hungry, you get all hollow inside afterwards ya’know?” Xander nodded bemused, it seemed that having a good cry and a talk had sorted Buffy right out, she looked happier now than he had seen her in a long time. As Spike stood to get the door he quickly whispered to Buffy “Buffy? Are you OK? God that’s a stupid question what I mean is are you going to be OK? With this, with me and Spike? I don’t want you to be hurting” She smiled at him and it was a genuine smile, no tears in sight “Honestly? It’s going to take a while for me to be back to normal Buffy, with mom gone I don’t know that I’ll ever be normal Buffy again but I’m closer to a happy Buffy than I’ve been in a long time. And as for you and Spike, as long as I don’t have to see you making out all the time or walk in on you in the middle of stuff then I’m good, not that I have an issue with it being 2 guys” she hastened to add “I mean I’d have an issue seeing anyone make out constantly and do other naughtiness, in fact I think it’s probably be better seeing 2 guys, I mean you’re both pretty hot and what’s not to like. So yeah, I mean not that I want to see you both naked or anything! It’s just, god why aren’t you stopping me?!” she wailed as she hid her face in her hands. Xander laughed at Buffy’s version of a Willow babble “don’t worry about it Buff, I think I get what you’re trying to say, although I reserve the right to tease you over the fact that you think me and Spike together are hot” he chuckled again, “and I’m glad you’re OK, you know I’m always here for you Buff. I love you” she gave him one of her crushing hugs and whispered in his ear “I love you to Xander, I don’t know what I would have done without you and Wills these last couple of months. And you can tell Spike that if he hurts you I wont bother to stake him, I’ll make it slow..” Xander snorted and said “Suprisingly I’m not that worried about him hurting me, besides I think Wills has plans to deliver the famous shovel speech” Buffy giggled and said “Oh good, I’m actually kinda looking forward to that” they both turned to face the door as Spike ushered in the gang.





Xander’s eyes almost popped out of his head at the sight of Willow and Tara walking in with Spike in the middle of them, one arm thrown around each of their shoulders. They were both giggling “an’ so I say’s to him ‘No mate’ he goes strutting in there and less than a minute later he comes running out screaming about demonic birds and covered in feathers” at which point Tara burst out laughing and Xander was stunned as he realised it was the loudest sound he had ever heard the normally quiet girl make, he noticed Angel scowling at Spike and watched as the look turned to one of fond exasperation as Spike continued laughing with the girls. Willow turned to look at Angel and said gasping between gales of laughter “Oh, oh goddess – Angel, are you really scared of chickens?” Buffy and Xander threw each other equally confused looks and Angel looked as though if it were possible he would be blushing. He shuffled his feet and looked at them as though they held the answers to the questions of the universe “yes, yes alright I’m afraid of chickens. I hate them, with their beady little eyes and sharp claw feet. They’re, they’re – well they’re unnatural is what they are” he finished with an emphatic nod as if to prove his point at which point Xander couldn’t help himself, he fell to the floor laughing and with tears streaming down his face he pointed a shaking finger at Angel, “You, you a vampire. A vampire with a soul at that are calling a chicken unnatural? My god pot, you’re so black I can barely recognise you” and he collapsed again unable to contain his mirth. Giles barked a laugh at this and then everyone was laughing whilst Angel stood with his hands on his hips looking somewhat affronted. Eventually the laughing and giggling died down and they surveyed each other as a group. All relaxed, some sitting and others reclining on the floor where they had fallen. Slowly though the atmosphere changed to one of not exactly tension, more anticipation. Xander sighed as he realised that all eyes were on him. Damm it, he still had some explaining to do.





Suddenly his heart was racing, his palms were sweaty and he felt like he had cotton wool in his mouth. Xander stood and paced nervously, wringing his hands together. Spike stood and captured Xander’s hands in his own. “S’okay pet, m’here and everyone here loves you yeah?” he said as he urged Xander to take a seat on the couch again. Xander sat and realised Spike was right, everyone here had proved as much today, would the fact that he now had a bit of demon inside him really make a difference? He hoped not, taking a breath he began to tell the story of the last couple of days. “-and so that’s it really, basically to sum it all up I was a pure human, now I’ve got a bit of vampire demon in me but instead of blood it needs sex, oh and until I learn to control it what happened earlier can happen again.” Xander was pleased to hear that his voice was almost back to normal, he had started out shaky but now you would have thought he was discussing the weather. He saw the faces around him showing various emotions, curiosity from Giles and Willow, a rather worrying mischievous look on Tara’s face, Angel and Spike looked equally bored already knowing what had happened but concerned, Xander guessed they too were trying to gauge the Scoobie’s reactions. Buffy however surprised him by giggling, everyone turned to look at her and she tried to explain “it’s just, well we always said he was a demon magnet and look at this, he’s so magnetic that he managed to pull a bit of demon inside him!” she giggled again and slowly everyone smiled. Xander’s eyes were wet again, how could he have ever worried that these people, his family, wouldn’t accept him with this change? He swore at that moment that he would never doubt them again and flashed a quick prayer of thanks to whichever deity was listening that he had friends like this.

Giles seemed to decide that now was the appropriate time to ask questions since Buffy had broken the silence that had held since Xander began his explanation “Xander, where did you get all this information from? How have you been able to figure out that this is what’s happening to you?” “ah, well that’s where me and Spike come in” Angel said stepping away from his resting place by the door, “we knew someone a long time ago who took a human consort and the same thing happened”. Giles did a double take “excuse me? I mean to hear of a pure human once is a miracle in itself but to see it happen twice?” he shook his head “Xander, with your permission I should like to document this in my diaries, it truly is remarkable” Xander readily agreed, happy to see Giles in his ‘librarian mode’ as he excitedly told Willow that this could in fact form the basis of a thesis he was thinking of submitting to the Watcher’s Council.





Xander leaned back against Spike, everyone was full and relaxed and quiet conversations were taking place. Giles was discussing something in earnest with Angel, Buffy was telling Xander and Spike was shouting occasional suggestions to Dawn to help with her with her homework, Buffy had picked her up from Janice’s and she had squealed with delight at the sight of Spike awake and back to his usual self. Buffy was telling him about her classes and a professor that she was convinced was actually evil and Willow and Tara were sitting on the couch, whispering to each other. Xander noticed that whilst Tara was nodding at something Willow was saying to her, her eyes were fixed on Xander. Xander followed the path of her hand as it ran slowly down Willow’s neck, along her shoulder and down her arm before entwining her fingers with Willows. He saw that mischievous grin on the blonde witches face again and took a moment to reflect that he had underestimated Tara in so many ways. Swallowing hard he tried to averted his eyes and scowled at Tara as she giggled, Spike reacted to the tension in his body and murmured in his ear “s’matter pet?” Xander shivered at low timbre of Spike’s voice in his ear, the sensation of those smooth lips brushing the shell of his ear, he shook his head mutely not trusting his own voice not to betray him. Of course the bond between him and Spike though let Spike know exactly what was going on.





The bond was another thing that had shocked everyone, Spike and Angel had talked about it when telling him the story of Philippe and Antoinette but both had seemed to think it was a mild thing, simply an awareness of each others presence in a room and sometimes flashes of whatever was going through the others mind if they were feeling a particularly strong emotion at the time. However, him and Spike had both noticed that it seemed a lot stronger in them, they could read each others emotions perfectly and Xander had found that his awareness of Spike presence wasn’t limited to the room, Spike had nipped to the store earlier to get some beers for the guys and soda’s for Dawnie and the whole time he was gone Xander felt like a bit of elastic was being stretched between the two of them and it whilst not exactly painful he was aware of it. He’d felt Spike make his way back to the apartment, rushing now and with each step he got closer the small ache got a little better. As Spike burst into the room and rushed to Xander he felt a warmth flood his body, he hadn’t realised it but he had been cold the whole time Spike had been gone. “Spike, god that was horrible, I felt like-“ “like your heart was being tugged at? Yeah felt it too pet, not that keen on it either” Spike kissed him urgently. Everyone else had looked at them as though they were mad, which Xander saw as an achievement really given the amount of strangeness that he had dumped on them today but Giles sat forward with that mad gleam he got whenever his research was about to pay off “it’s the bond” he exclaimed, “I’ve read cases where the a pair bond is so strong that if one of the pair is hurt the other feels their pain, although in those cases the pair had been together for centuries, I must say to see it happen so quickly even to this mild degree is extraordinary, I’d love the opportunity to run some tests, just to see how closely linked you are and asses it’s development.” Spike shuddered and Xander just knew he was thinking about the Initiative and their ‘tests’, he concentrated on projecting feelings of love and reassurance and to his amazement it worked, Spike visibly relaxed before saying “you’re doing that aren’t you pet?” Xander nodded, “yeah, I mean I wasn’t sure it would work but wow!” Giles looked impatient “doing what? What are you doing Xander?” Xander took a deep breath, he wasn’t at all sure this was going to work but he thought hard to project a questioning air at Spike, he needed to check Spike was OK with him telling Giles what had upset him, to his relief he got a wave of emotion and he didn’t know how to describe it but he just knew that Spike was saying yes to him.





Xander was getting frustrated, he tried to explain it to Giles, he tried to explain it a hundred times. The thing was he didn’t understand it himself so how could he explain it? It wasn’t like he was thinking anything specific just emoting but somehow Spike was able to sense what he was thinking and he the same. Eventually it was Spike that managed to describe it accurately to Giles and Xander sat his head on Spike’s shoulder as him and Giles talked late into the night about the phenomenon. Willow and Tara had left hours ago, Angel had offered to walk the girls back to their dorm room and told Buffy he would do a quick patrol, he hadn’t made it back yet. Buffy and Dawn were asleep in Xander and Spike’s room, Dawn had nearly fallen asleep at Spike’s feet until he had gently picked her up and moved her to their room, Xander and Buffy had watched silently from the doorway as he had removed her shoes and tenderly tucked her in under the blankets, he’s moved a stray hair from her face with the gentlest of touches and then, after casting a quick look back at Buffy and Xander had felt the almost fear Spike had at that moment he had pressed a soft kiss to the top of Dawn’s head. Xander felt the relief course through Spike when Buffy had smiled at him and as Spike left the room she had grabbed him and given him a quick but heartfelt hug. Spike had looked stunned but then shrugged and motioned for them to move back into the den so as not to wake her. Buffy had accepted the offer of staying the night and had joined Dawn in the bed an hour ago.



“Remarkable” Giles mused, “almost like an empathic telepathy”, “well not exactly, I mean I know Xander has just been trying to send a sense of what he’s feeling but when I was trying to tell him that I didn’t mind, him telling you why the idea of experiments got me a little edgy I just thought yes and Xander got it”. Xander who just been quietly enjoying hearing Spike’s voice slip back into that more cultured accent that he suspected was in fact his true one and only ever seemed to come out when talking at length with Giles, when he was really drunk or when his attention was otherwise occupied oh for example when he was pounding into Xander, however his interest was piqued now at the same time as Giles’, “really? I don’t recall having come across anything like this but I have a number of compendiums I’d like to consult, this may develop into a full-blown telepathic link between the two of you” he stared into space for a moment seemingly lost in his own thoughts, “I wonder if…” he started then trailed off “If?” Xander asked, curious now “hmm? Oh nothing. At least it may be nothing, I don’t want to say anything until I’m sure. Besides-“ he stood up and groaned slightly as his back stretched and realigned itself “it’s far too late and I’ve kept you from your bed long enough, or the couch anyway” he added as he shot a look to the closed door behind which his slayer and her sister slept in Xander and Spike’s bed. “I should be leaving, I still have to open the Magic Box tomorrow.” As Xander walked him to the door he felt Spike moving around behind them, the small domestic sounds of him collecting Pizza boxes and empty bottles and moving them to the kitchen filled him with a contented joy and as he felt the same feelings reflected back through the link it increased his happiness. He saw Giles to the door and after assuring him that they would swing by the Magic Box at sundown the next day he closed the door behind him and leant back against it with his eyes closed, just to bask in the sheer happiness that suffused every molecule of his being.





He was pleased that after the hiccup that morning he had managed to control himself for the most part, sure there had been times where it had been cut close but on the whole he was impressed. Spike must have sensed his pride as when he wrapped his arms around Xander and pulled him close he said “M’right proud of you pet, took ‘Toinette months to get even the slightest bit of control, she couldn’t go out in public for over a year and even then they had to spread a story that she epilepsy to explain the times when she couldn’t control it. Look at you, one day in and you’re in control of it. Bet you could go to work next week and be fine.” Xander raised his head and looked at Spike suspiciously, “next week? It’s Monday now, why can’t I go back sooner?” “well, I figure you’ve already had one day off this week, might as well make a bit of a holiday off it” he crooned in Xander’s ear as his hands wandered, one idly tracing a nipple through Xander’s shirt, the other sliding along the waistband of Xander’s sweats, “I was thinking we could chuck Peaches out, send him to stay with Buffy or Rupes and we could basically live in bed for the next few days, what d’ya think?” he purred as Xander arched into the teasing touches. Xander struggled to concentrate, he wanted Spike, wanted him buried deep inside him and stroking that sweet spot that made everything shimmer but he knew that Buffy and Dawn were in the bedroom, it wouldn’t be right. Well OK he didn’t care so much about the morality of it but there was no way he could be quiet and Spike knew it. “Spike, stop, God stop it. We can’t Buffy and Dawn, and – and Angel might come back” he gasped as the touches became firmer and the hand that had been playing around his waistband dipped under it and gripped his ass, “well you’ll have to be quiet then won’t you and as for Peaches he already said he wasn’t coming back tonight, said he had some business to take care of and that he’d see us tomorrow at the Magic Box for the meeting” Spike purred in his ear as his tongue traced the inner rim of it and instead of being gross like it was when Cordy had tried it once it was suddenly one of the hottest things Xander had ever felt. He tried to stop, he really did but he eventually surrendered and tugged Spike’s hair to force him to meet Xander’s lips with his own, Xander’s muffled groan of capitulation was muffled in Spike’s mouth and his legs went weak with anticipation.





AN - OK, that was a huge chapter, sorry it took so long to get it up. Feedback makes me happy people...