Tears of the Soul

"You want to know what happened to the twins?" Xander asked.


"I can understand it if it is hard for you to talk about it. But please tell us about it. We need to know what happened. It is really important to us." Angel repeated his request.


"So, now it is important to you?" Xander questioned Spike and Angel.


"Of course, it is important to us. We already told you that." Spike answered irritated.


"And what if it is not important to me anymore, if you know about it or not.
I mean after all you weren´t there for me during my pregnancy now were you?" Xander queried in a mocking tone.


"No, we weren´t there for you during your pregnancy but that was only because we didn´t know that you were pregnant. If we only had known it, it would have changed everything."
Angel tried to justify their past behaviour.


"Yeah, do you think so? Do you think that even if you two would have known that I was pregnant, that you wouldn´t have tried to kill me, when you found me in that hotel room on that fatal night in bed with these two other men?
Do you really believe that it would have changed anything?" Xander demanded an answer from the two vampires.


"Yeah, we believe that." Spike and Angel replied very confident simultaneous.


"You may be believing it but you don´t know it for sure, now do you?" Xander inquired.


"Xander it is not that simple..." Angel tried to explain but was interrupted by Xander.


"I know that it is not that simple but I also know that you can´t be sure,
that even if you had the knowladge of my pregnancy back then, that you wouldn´t reacted the same way you did.
The demons in you are unpredictable and so you can´t guarantee me that it would have changed anything, even less everything that happened."


"You are right we can´t guarantee you that it would have changed everything.
And we don´t know for sure if it would have changed anything at all.
But please trust us when we tell you that we truly believe that we wouldn´t have reacted the way we did, if we had known of your pregnancy." Spike pleaded with Xander.


"You know what, I believe you that, I really do. But I still don´t know why I should tell you anything about what happened to my babies." Xander said.


"You should not only tell us about the babies, but you have to.
We have a right to know what happened to them. We are after all the fathers of the babies, and if you like it or not you can´t deny that simple fact." Angel stated in a powerful tone.


"No, you are right. I can´t deny that fact." Xander agreed.


"Xander we know that this situation is very hard for you.
And we understand that there are a lot of things about that you don´t want to talk to us at the moment.
So maybe it would help you if we told you that if you don´t feel up to it right now, that then you don´t have to talk to us about some themes, because from now on you have all the time in the world.", Spike told Xander before taking his hand and going on,
"We have all the time in the world."

"I don´t know if you like to hear it or not but we just love you too much to ever let you go again. We made a lot of mistakes in the past and I can´t begin to find the words to say on how very sorry we are.
We can´t turn back the time and change what happened, but please just give us one last chance. Just one chance so that we can make it up to you for what we have done.
Just tell us what you want and you will get it. If you wish for us to give you the world, then you will get the world.
We will do everything for you, except letting you go.
We will love you and cherish you and adore you for the rest of our life.
I promise you that we will be there for you forever.
So, what do you say, can you forgive us?" Spike appealed deeply.



"When you ask me for forgiveness, then I´m sorry to tell you that I can´t grant
you that. Not now and I don´t know if I ever will be able to do that.
But there is another thing, one thing I am at least willing to try."
Xander said in a soft voice.



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