The Adventures of Deadboy and Zeppo

-

The evening of day one had Angel waiting outside the concrete and steel building where the government still held Xander. If Tatenda was holding to the plan, the President's staff would have lodged a complaint with the police about five mysterious trespassers, just enough to get the government's attention. Hopefully enough to keep the man with the voice from torturing Xander.

Studying the faces of each person coming and going, Angel finally spotted the man who had hidden behind one-way mirrors convinced that he had fooled demon vision. Angel put his stolen car into gear and slid into traffic behind the brown sedan determined to find where his enemy lived. Attacking inside another's territory where they believed themselves safe always made them more vulnerable.

The evening of day two found Angel parked in another stolen car outside the man's house before sunset had fully fallen. Taking a note from his hyperactive childe, he'd painted the windows black and set off in the light of day with a red Frisbee in the seat next to his.

Now he watched as the sunlight turned a pale red right before fading to dusk. If he did this too late, the family would certainly be suspicious. Children didn't play Frisbee at night.

Angel scanned the houses for watchers before leaping to the top of the brick wall separating the houses. Taking aim, he let the red disk fly toward the officer's house. As Angel had intended, the toy caught on the striped fabric stretched over the windows to provide shade on the west side. Smiling triumphantly, Angel jumped down and headed for their front door.

Angel rang the doorbell. A boy of ten or twelve with freckles and a striped shirt opened the door while still yelling over his shoulder. "Mom said it's my turn."

"Is your mom home?" Angel asked in a tone that he hoped came across as borderline bored and annoyed. His acting skills didn't impress the boy who walked away with the door hanging open.

"Maaa-uuum. It's for you!" Angel nearly growled at the sight of the open, unguarded door, but there wasn't much else he could do without an invitation.

"Can I help you?" an older woman with thick legs and hair hanging out of a sloppy pony tail asked as she walked down the stairs. Story time. Angel just hoped these people were as anti-social as most humans these days.

"I'm baby-sitting for my nephews in the house behind here," Angel waved vaguely in the direction of the three properties behind this house, "and a gust of wind put my nephew's Frisbee onto one of your window shades.

"Oh," the woman looked faintly distracted, and Angel thought he had failed until he noticed she had her head tilted toward the other room. "Jess, you let your brother play or I will make you sorry!" she suddenly yelled loud enough to make Angel jump. "Sorry, you know kids," the woman offered, and Angel nodded sagely despite the fact that he hadn't been around a child since… he wasn't even going to think about that right now.

"If you don't mind me crawling onto a window sill, I'll just grab the Frisbee and get out of your way," Angel suggested.

"Oh, of course, come in. Do you know which window?"

Angel crossed the threshold with a smile. "The second floor on the north end." He followed the woman up the stairs to rescue the Frisbee he'd thrown.

That night, Angel used the rough edges of the brick façade to climb to the roof. Crouching in the moonlight, he listened to the faint crackling of electrical wires that ran along the eves. As he walked toward the center of the roof over the round clay tiles, the sounds faded, and Angel smiled. Humans tended to prepare for human intruders.

One by one, Angel ripped the red clay tiles from the roof, setting them to one side. The weatherproofing fabric ripped away cleanly leaving just plain boards between him and his ultimate goal. Angel listened to the sounds of passing traffic on the highway and waited patiently. Soon enough a truck came rumbling by, and Angel drove his fist down through the boards cleanly. The sound boomed in his ears, but hopefully the homeowners would either sleep through the sound or blame it on the passing truck.

Carefully pulling at the edge of each board, Angel created a fairly large hole in the roof before using his demon vision to search the darkness below. The attic wasn't a usable space with only four or five feet between the roof and the floor at the highest point. Aiming for one of the large beams that ran the length of the house, Angel dropped into the dusty, dark space soundlessly.

From here, he could track the heartbeats below him. Three hearts beat softly at one end of the house: children. He focused on the two stronger heartbeats, moving through the attic until he was above them. Since he didn't want to come crashing down, he backtracked far enough that he was sure that he was far enough away and then tore through the ceiling as if it were tissue paper. Bathroom. Angel looked at the palatial room with the sunken tub and class enclosed shower and large terra cotta tile and rolled his eyes. Some humans were obsessive about their bodies. His hole, however, was close enough to the vanity to use it as a ladder, and for that Angel was grateful.

He dropped down and now he could see his interrogator's face, slack with sleep as the man lay in bed. On the far side, Angel could smell a woman even if he couldn't see her. He could knock her out, but the man would probably feel a need to get revenge for any actual violence, and Angel didn't want to start a feud. The trick was to make the man submit without taking away so much of the man's dignity that he felt the need to strike back. His plan finalized, Angel slid into the room and knelt by the bed.

Keeping his touches light, he untangled the sheet so that the man lay exposed in his underwear. Angel rumbled a low soothing purr as he worked one hand under the man's knees and the second under his shoulders. Just when he thought he'd never get that second hand under officer's upper body, the man mumbled and rolled right into Angel, and Angel sent a quick prayer up to whomever might be listening. Lifting carefully, Angel carried the man to the bathroom and settled him down in the huge tub.

Almost immediately the officer started turning restlessly, and when Angel pressed a hand over the man's mouth, the body jerked violently into awareness. Angel smiled down with his game face, his free hand making a "shh" gesture against his lips. When the man's eyes darted frantically toward the bedroom, Angel shook his head before whispering.

"I didn't touch her or anyone else, but you and I need to speak." Angel waited until the man nodded and then removed his hand.

"How did you…" the man's question ended when he saw the hole in the bathroom ceiling.

"Man-made structures generally don't keep demons out very effectively," Angel shrugged. "Sorry about the ceiling, charge the military for the repair. And you might want to call someone for the roof before you get rain," Angel added, and he could almost feel the confusion and panic building in his captive. Where this man had immediately told Angel why he'd been kidnapped and what he was expected to do, Angel was content to sit on the edge of the bathtub and watch the man's imagination go to work. It took several minutes for the man to finally give in and ask the obvious question.

"You, the team, you were captured,"

"Thanks to your incompetent staff, yes. However, man-made structures don't keep demons in any more than they work to keep them out." Angel nodded at the ceiling again. "Of course, this posed a problem since I didn't think you'd just ignore the failed assassination and the missing team. I did consider killing as many of you as I could find and changing identities." Angel let silence descent again; it was the best friend of any interrogator or torturer.

"You don't… the research shows that you don't kill."

"I do kill, I just don't randomly attack humans for no reason," Angel corrected him. "After all, I arranged for a rather bloody reception at Wolfram and Hart." Angel returned to silence as the man's heart rate accelerated to dangerous speeds.

"My wife and kids have nothing to do with this," the man pleaded.

"Funny, my humans and family don't either," Angel pointed out, and the threat obviously reached home because the heart sped up even more until a heart attack was a very real possibility.

"You have no idea what it means to threaten a demon," Angel remarked as though commenting on the weather.

"I was ordered to bring you in. The briefing in the file said that you helped before. The plan went without a hitch."

"Last time, on the sub, William the Bloody came to help. I turned your man Lawson," Angel corrected him mildly.

"That isn't in the file. You aren't even connected with any other va…." Angel held up a hand to stop the man mid-word. It was time to blend a few lies in with his truth.

"This time Dru and Darla both offered to eat your eyes. William is a little put out with me since I didn't help with his chip problem, but he would come if I called for him. The Hellmouth is ruled by Aurelius, and thousands of minions in this state call me the Master of the Line." Stopping to let that information sink in, Angel allowed his human face to return as he leaned back against the cool tiles. Just when the man started breathing a little easier, Angel dropped his next verbal bomb.

"I could have called all of them to my side, even from inside your prison. And if I die, my childer will come to find out why." Now Angel was lying outright, but with the lies and truth woven together, this guy was never going to be able to untangle the two. "You are trying to judge me by human standards, but I'm not human," Angel pointed out as he leaned down into the officer's clammy, pale face. When he was in inch from the other man, Angel shifted his features and smiled to show his teeth. "I know your scent, my clan knows your scent, and don't forget that."

"I can't just…" the man's eyes darted to the bedroom again, and Angel sat up slowly as he let the vampire features fade away. The man was almost ready for the deal. Angel repositioned himself with one leg inside the bathtub pressing against the man's thigh in a seemingly harmless touch. It would have been harmless except that the man couldn't really move away, and Angel knew that simple touch reminded him of just how helpless he was. Now the tortures were all in the man's head where he had no defenses.

"Look, I can't tell my superiors that I decided to just back out. I argued for bringing you in." Angel narrowed his eyes at that confession, and the man swallowed nervously.

"You're going to tell them that Mugabe has vampire guards, at least one. One of the officers is some sort of demon or a seer. I can't take him out. Then you're going to tell them that you have a better deal," Angel stopped again. He needed to make the man desperate for any lifeline out of this disaster. It took less time than he expected.

"Well, what is it?" The man pushed himself up a bit in the tub, unconsciously mirroring the rising hope in his soul.

"I'll do independent contract work for you the same I would do for any other client. So, if you have a rescue mission, you come to my hotel and offer to pay for my services. As a gesture of good faith, I'll get your team out of the mansion for free, I owe Clark that." Angel stopped there. He needed for this officer to see the value of it, and he knew if he tried arguing in favor of the solution, the other man would find a dozen holes in the offer. However, any lifeline looked good when trapped in the bathroom by a vicious monster. Angel needed to remind him of that. "Otherwise, I'll leave town, and you'll spend a lot of time looking over your shoulder," he growled.

"I might…" the man swallowed, "be able to get them to go for that deal." He looked straight at Angel. "Is the deal legit?"

"I work for a living. I take the clients that come to my door," Angel pointed out. He wanted to ask about Xander, but he didn't dare until the deal was done. He couldn’t let these people see Xander as a valuable pawn or neither of them would be safe again.

"Rescue work only?" the man asked in a more challenging voice, and Angel knew he had the fish on the line.

"Rescue work only," he answered flatly. Angel knew this type. Given a day or two, this guy was going to start thinking the deal had been his idea. Part of Angel rankled at having to put up with such an officious ass, but hopefully some flunky would be sent with any job requests, leaving Angel free to hate the man from a safe distance.

"Deal." The man pushed himself up so he sat on the edge of the tub even with Angel.

"Nice doing business," Angel answered as he stood to take one last look down at the officer. "Is Xander still alive?"

"Yeah, he's back at base. Do we need to go get him to make this happen?" Angel could see the gears practically turning in the man's head.

"No, I'll stop by after sunset in the next day or two, and I expect to find him undamaged." Angel watched as the man deflated, the last possible bit of leverage yanked out from under him. Angel gave a small nod and then showed off my jumping from the floor straight through the hole and to the rafters above with a small thudding noise. Racing through the attic, Angel went up through the roof and out into the night.