Becoming I

TITLE: Becoming
AUTHOR: Willie J
EMAIL: wmj166@msn.com
WEB SITE: N/A
PAIRINGS: A/X
RATING: NC-17
DISCLAIMER: I don't own any part of Buffy et all, not Angel the Series.
FEEDBACK: Oh please send me feedback, privately or through the list
DISTRIBUTION: List Archives
SPOILERS: Angel Season Three and Four
BETA'D BY: Loafersgloryboss (aka James)
SUMMARY: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer..As a consequence of being raped by Angelus and through Drusilla's dark magic, Xander finds himself pregnant with Angel/Angelus child, Xander lies and Angel is sent to Hell.

Angel returns from Hell and in fear, Xander decides to run away have the child, give it up for adoption and return back to Sunnydale with no one the wiser he runs into a small problem…..his drunken father has stolen all his money.

Now forced to depend on Angel for sanctuary while giving birth to their child, they form a tentative truce. Xander gets involved behind the scenes with the Scooby gang and eventually reopen contact with them, but keeping the true reason why he left Sunnydale a secret.

Angel and Xander discover they have a dymphire daughter (human/vampire) and find out that Xander is a Traveler, able to Shift from dimension and Xander also discovers he is a latent Natural mage. Spike returns to Sunnydale and spills the beans about what Angelus had really did to Xander.

Buffy comes to L.A. intent on killing Angel for what Angelus has done, balked by Xander powers she returns home. Xander still provides help to the Scoobies unbeknownst to Buffy. Angel has a one-night stand with Darla but recognizes his mistake and returns home. Xa and and Angel grow closer with Angel making his intentions plain to a skittish Xander. Xander becomes grudgingly involved with the Oracles.

Xander and Angel becomes lovers, linking them together as Xander's Traveler Mate. Darla returns, pregnant. An old enemy of Angel returns with plans to kill Angel and everything he holds dear.

Angel finds out he's been drinking human blood, even worse, blood mixed with Connor's making him rage out of control. Concern over his friend Wes, he tries to draw the man out, unbeknownst to him, Wes was harboring a dark secret of betrayal. Xander after a last mission for the Oracles calls it quit, determined not to work for them again after their latest betrayal.

After reading a prophecy about Angel and Connor, Wes is determined to protect both father and son. Kidnapping Connor, he hands the baby to Holtz and receives a slashed throat in return. Angel returns, realizing what happens chase after Holtz. He can only watch in horror as Holtz jumps through a portal with his son.

Now the story.....

Chapter 8

Shivering and nearly at the end of his strength Xander got into the car with Angel, his stomach roiling at the seesawing emotions rioting through their link: stomach turning rage then bottomless despair.

His hands clenched spastically on his thighs as Angel drove, his nausea growing steadily worse at the turbulence raging through Angel became stronger, swamping his shield.

“Stop the car!” he gasped, putting a hand to his mouth.

Angel drove on, staring fixedly ahead, on autopilot.

“Stop the fuckin’ car,” Xander screamed, and when Angel flashed him a startled look, Xander frantic sta started undoing his seatbelt, getting it off in time to hang his head out the window and began to throw up.

Angel hurriedly pulled the car over, slightly shocked out of his rage, by the sounds of Xander being sick.

“Xander?! Xander?! Are you okay,” he asked urgently, glancing quickly around the street. Empty….good.

“No,” he heard Xander’s muffled response.

Xander drew his head back into the car, slumping into the passenger seat, he dragged his shirt up and wiped his mouth with a grimace of distaste. He couldn't stop shaking and shuddering under Angel’s emotions and in desperation he threw up a shield between them, immediately starting to feel his shaky feeling easing, his thinking becoming clearer and easier.

“What happened out there,” he said huskily, turning his head wearily to look at Angel, seeing his mate's face turn into stone, cold mask.

“Wesley took Connor and gave him to Holtz,” was the icy response.

“Oh, shit no,” Xander breathed, his eyes widening in horror as he remembered Holtz jumping through the portal with…..

His eyes shot to Angel, who was staring fixedly out of the windshield, “The portal,” he whispered.

Angel silently nodded his head.

Xander swallowed hard, “Wh..wha…what are we gonna do,” he said almost inaudibly.

Angel turned and gave him a blank look as if the answer was obvious, “Get my son back, of course,” and he started the car back up.

Xander looked at him, a troubled look in his eyes, beginning to feel a nameless dread creeping up his spine.

“Can Cruz open a portal,” Angel asked, thinking out loud as they arrived at the apartment. He didn't bother to ask Xander if he could, it wasn't exactly the type of work Xander did.

Xander shivered, “Not to Quor-Toth,” he said quietly, staring at the floor. He struggled to control his fear, his panic.

“Do you know anything about Quor-Toth,” Angel asked with little inflection in his voice.

Xander shook his head, continuing to stare down at the floor as small shudders keep rippling through him.

“Could you find out anything you can about the Quor-Toth,” Angel said quietly, his eyes intent on the empty space before him. And at the continuing silence from Xander, he finally glanced at him and Angel’s face softened slightly as he looked at the downbent head, seeing the shudders that were rippling through his mate.

He knew Xander had to be at the end of his rope to be showing so much tension and stress, “Go inside and get some rest. I’ll come by before sunrise.”

He wasn't surprised as Xander exited the car quietly, his mind immediately switching to how to get Connor back and he didn’t see the look Xander cast him, fear in his eyes as he drove off.

Arriving at the hotel, he slowly mounted the stair to his bedroom. Pushing open the door, he stepped inside and surveyed the darkened bedroom at the silent empty crib before smashing everything in sight, harsh grunts of pain...of raged escaping his tightly compressed mouth.

CRACK! Went the coffee table as he threw it against the wall, shattering to pieces--- calling to his mind the crack, the shattering of his friendship with Wesley, the betrayer.

SMASH! As he hurled Connor's favorite book at his dresser mirror, not even noticing the silver glitter of glass cutting into his face and hands, his eyes wild feeling as if his dead heart was shattering into a million pieces.

Clawing...ripping at his bed, tufts of cotton flew through the air under his raging fingers as emotions surged within him, ripping at his insides until he wanted to just howl his fury to the heavens.

Spiraling, circling out of control...friend, betrayer....bastard you took my son! MY SON! And he fell to his knees, doubled over with the sheer immensity of the pain he felt. He stayed on the floor for several minutes, simply rocking back and forth before he slowly stood up, feeling oddly calm.

He simply refused to believe that he would not get his son back, it was absolutely unacceptable, so therefore the thought was instantly discarded from his mind.

Walking down the stairs, he could hear Lorne, Gunn and Fred arguing about why did Wesley take Connor. Why were they arguing? Why Wesley took Connor wasn’t crucial, getting him back was the most important thing.

As he entered, he simply said, “I don't care why.”

He had his sketchpad in his hand in which he had sketch Sahjhan's face from memory.

“All I care about now is getting my son back. Then I'll deal with those responsible. They'll all pay…including Wesley.” For half a second, hot, sick rage broke through his enforce calm, and he knew it must be showing on his face from the look Fred and Gunn gave each other as they backed away.

He ignored them, turning to Lorne, “The Quor-Toth dimension. Ever hear of it?”

Lorne simply shook his head, his eyes puzzled.

Angel hesitated as something teased at his memory. He shook his head slightly, before continuing, “That's where the portal led. That's where my son is now. Quor-toth. I need you to find out everything you can about it.”

Lorne nodded, “I'm on it," he said and left the hotel.

Angel started moving to the office hearing Gunn ask, “We're goin' there?”

“I am,” he said quietly without turning around.

“You're NOT going alone,” Fred said fiercely behind him.

He hesitated slightly and turned to regard them, as Gunn also voiced his assent. Their care and concern almost broke through his calm. Almost.

“Good,” as he moved swiftly around to the desk, knowing that Gunn had something else to say.

He heard the hesitancy in Gunn’s voice, “It's just... “

Angel stopped and looked at him, “What?”

“Well... Don't we need to open one of those portals first?” Gunn said quietly.

Angel raised a brow, “Yes.”

And looking at Gunn, Angel was sure that he wasn’t going to like what else came out of the big man’s mouth.

“Right. But the last time we had to do that... I mean... well it wasn't any of us that knew how. The guy who figured it out...,” Gunn finally broke off his delicate tiptoeing around Wesley’s name and burst out, “Look man, how are we gonna do this without... “

Angel cut him off, “We don't need him.”

Fred looked at him in astonishment, “We don't?”

“No. We're going to find the sonofabitch who opened the portal in the first place,” Angel announced with cold deliberation as he opened his sketchpad to the drawing of Sahjhan.

Fred picked it up and studied it before showing it to Gunn.

Angel was still in his cold zone, “His name's Sahjhan and he's some kind of fuckin' interdimensional demon. And he's been behind all this since the beginning....”

Gunn and Fred exchanged looks, knowing it was research time.


Xander walked slowly into the apartment.

Willow looked up from her curled position against Spike's side, "Hey Xan, what happened? You flew outta here like a bat out of...," she broke off at Holly's interested look, "You left really fast," she finished lamely.

Instead of answering her, Xander looked Holly, "Lil' bit, why don't you give your daddy a hug and then I think it's time for you to be in bed."

Willow sat up slowly, something was wrong. She exchanged looks with Spike feeling him tense against her. So it wasn't just her imagination, he felt it too.

Holly glanced from one face to another and heaved a weary sigh, "I know, I know, grownup talk."

Willow hid a smile at Holly's tone, but her eyes were still worried.

Holly trudged over to Xander and gave him a brief hug, before slowly walking to her room with a couple of backward looks at them.

They heard the bedroom door open and close.

Spike held up a hand just as Willow opened her mouth, "Holly, ya Da said go to bed."

There was a gasp in the hall before the quick patter of footsteps, then the bedroom door opened and closed noisily.

Spike tilted his head, then nodded sharply.

"Wot t'hell happen," Spike said quietly, his eyes intent on Xander's face.

Xander sighed and dropped onto the loveseat. Holding his head in his hands, he said, "Wesley kidnapped Connor, gave him to Holtz for some reason, some crazy looking demon open a portal and Holtz jumped through with Connor."

Willow gasped, "My God, Xander, is Angel alright? Is he waiting for us downstairs or the hotel? We can take Holly to your mother and....," her mouth was gently covered by Spike.

"Luv, the Whelp wouldn't be 'ere if there wasn't somethin' else that got mucked up," Spike said gently to her, before looking at Xander drooping head.

"How's Angel doing," Willow swallowed at the look in Xander's eyes.

"I don't know," was the quiet reply.

"Xander what happened," Willow got off the couch and knelt in front of him.

"I couldn't handle all the emotions that Angel was feeling through the link. It took a lot out of me to close the portal, and his emotions was literally making me sick," Xander whispered.

"Okay, Xand why don't you rest here and send us to the where ever...," Willow's words trailed off at the slow shake of Xander's head.

Xander swallowed and looked up, "That crazy demon opened a portal to Quor-Toth."

And if Willow hadn't been kneeling down she would have fallen to the floor, as it was she put out a quick hand as she felt the floor moving.

Her wide disbelieving eyes were locked on Xander's face in stunned horror.

"Xander," Spike said as he sat down slowly, "Tell me that you didn't say what I thought you jus' said." His eyes were dazed as he muttered, "No one or nothing's that crazy."

"Apparently he is," Xander said and began to shake, "And apparently, so is Angel. He's trying to figure out a way to go after Connor."

At those words, Willow moaned low er ter throat, doubling over as if in pain.

"Xander, he can't," Willow whispered her eyes distant on some horrible vision. "He can't open a portal to Quor-Toth by himself," she said slowly, looking at him eagerly, "And no one's crazy enough to open it for him, you told him that, right."

And there was something in Xander's tense averted face that gave her his answer.

"You didn't tell him, did you," Willow said quietly, sitting back on her heels.

"No," was the choked response.

"Oh Xander," she said softly and pulled him into her arms, where he began crying.

"God, Willow what am I gonna do when he asks me again about Quor-Toth? I won't lo hio him and I can't open a portal for him," he said brokenly.

"Tell him the truth," Spike said quietly from his seat on the couch. "Just tell him the truth, he'll understand."

"With Connor's life at stake, you think he wants to hear anything I say? Yeah, right," Xander pulled back from Willow to glare at Spike.

Spike rolled his eyes, "Look, you explain to the poofer why you can't do it... he'll understand why the two of you can't go. We'll just hafta look for another way inta Quor-Toth, right? With a bunch of bloody genius' like us, we're bound to come up wif n'answer, eh?"

And Spike was rewarded with a bright smile from Willow and a wobbly one from Xander.

"Right! Then let's get on wif it," Spike jumped to his feet.

Books and files were strewn about, Angel slammed another book closed. His calm thinning as he ruefully reflected back to his Sunnydale days and the research sessions then. At least they more often than not were much more successful.

“I gotta go make a call,” he said getting up and going to the desk at the counter. Quickly dialing Cruz's number, he waited impatiently for Xander's mentor to pick up, absently tuning in to the conversation in the office.

“I'm not finding anything on the name ‘Sahjhan’. Are you sure that's what you heard,” Fred called out to him in fruston. on.

"I'm sure. Maybe you're not spelling it right," Angel yelled back.

"Angel, I've tried every permutation. In English, anyway. Could be it's a nick-name.
Which would probably be cross- referenced in "Phisto's Dictionary Of Demons and Dimensional Spirits," Fred continued to talk distractedly.

"Okay," he said impatiently as he heard the phone pick up and Cruz say 'Hello'. He turned his attention to the phone.

"Cruz? It's Angel," he began a little impatiently..

"Xander's Angel," Cruz said and smirked at the huff he heard at the other end, he loved twitting the vampire.

Angel gritted his teeth, "Yes, Xander's Angel. Look, I need some help and I asked Xander but I just wanted to make sure about what he told me."

"Sure, what's the problem," Cruz said easily, his brows pulling in a slight frown.

"My son's been kidnapped and taken to another dimension. I asked Xander if you if you could open a portal, and he said no," Angel explained rapidly.

"Xander told you that?!" Cruz said in some astonishment, why would Xander lie about something so serious?

Angel could feel his numbness fading rapidly, "Does that mean that you can open a portal to Quor-Toth," he asked eagerly, a sickening fury filling him at the thought of Xander lying to him.

Another betrayer, he was surrounded by them.

Angel blinked at the absolute silence from the other end, “Cruz? Cruz? You still there?”

At the word Quor-Toth, Cruz had froze, "Quor-Toth? Angel, I'm afraid that Xander was correct. I can't help you," Cruz hung up the phone and sat down heavily.

Angel looked at the phone in disbelief, Cruz had hung up on him! He angrily redialed the number back, and at the tentative 'Hello' he growled, "What the hell is going on?! First you act like you can help, then you say you can't. My son has been kidnapped! And you and Xander apparently know something about Quor-Toth."

Cruz hesitated, "Angel, I’m sorry but I can’t help you,” and he hung up the phone again and walked away as the phone started ringing again.

Angel growled, his eyes a deadly maelstorm of emotion. He wanted answers and a cold twisted smile flash across his face, he knew just where he was going to get the answers.

He started for the office.

He could hear Fred and Gunn in the office still looking for answers.

Fred looked to Gunn, “What about the files?”

“They're in English... Cordelia's filing system isn't,” he said dryly.

“I know she was keeping some kind of list of time/space shifting entities,” Fred narrowed her eyes in thought.

Gunn looked suddenly hopeful, “Okay. So's that under "time" "space" "shifting" or "entities?"

Sharing a relieved smile, Fred said eagerly, “Let's check all of it.”

She started digging into files along with Gunn, stopping with a sudden thought, “It's Monday. What time is it in Mexico?”

Angel frowned as Fred reached for the phone and he grabbed the receiver from her.

“What are you doing,” he asked her with a frown.

Fred looked at him, startled, “Uhm, calling Cordelia?”

Angel’s frown became heavier, “Why? We're not going to ruin Cordelia's holiday.”

Even to himself that sounded slightly insane and slowly he put the receiver back into the cradle.

“Angel... Don't you think she'd want us to call? Shouldn't we tell her what happened? Maybe she could help...,” Fred asked tentatively.

Angel shook his head, “No,” and he could hear the madness, panic and grief that's been lurking just under the surface was trying to creep into his voice.

He just stared at Fred.

She stared back, her face soften in empathic pain, “Angel...” and reached out a hand to him.

Distantly he said, “She'll be back soon... and when she does she'll... she'll have presents. For Connor." He choked out, “And he's gonna be here so she can give them to him. Okay?” He heard the raw desperation in his voice.

He looked wide-eyed at the mess around him, “I'm sorry... This isn't working. Look, just... forget all this. I gotta go.”


Willow and Spike flitted through the apartment, as they searched desperately for answers. Checking every source they knew, while Xander stayed behind sending them where ever they requested. Every piece of information they brought back, he wrote down, looking...
searching desperately to find a pattern in words.

There had to be a way in to Quor-Toth! So distracted in his search, he was barely aware of Willow collapsing on the couch, her eyes haunted from the amount of Shifting she had been doing. She never realized the toll Shifting so rapidly played on a body and her respect for Xander soared. She seen him hundreds of times, Shifting so rapidly that his movements would sometime resemble a freeze frame effect.

Spike Shifted in and passed his Stone over to Xander who took it absently. Spike gave a exhausted look at Willow, seeing the dark circles under her eyes and the faint tremors that shook her frame.

“Xander, how's it going?” Willow asked anxiously, giving Xander her Shifter Stone as well. “Is the information that we're bringing back helping any ll?”ll?”

Xander blinked and sighed, settling back on loveloveseat, “Some, but not enough.” He pushed the papers angrily across the coffee table, rubbing his forehead in pain. He was so exhausted powering Willow and Spike’s Stones that he could barely think straight anymore.

“Every piece of information keeps coming back to the same thing, Angel needs a Traveler to open a stable portal,” he said in angry frustration, looking up with redden eyes.

They looked up at the sound keys in the lock and the door opened. Xander took one look at Angel and froze, his heart stuttering in dread.

Angel regarded Xander with a cold light in his eyes before switching his attention illoillow, to Spike in turn whose face slowly morphed in game face, then back to Xander.

“The bedroom now,” came the harsh whisper.

Willow made an involuntary movement and Xander grabbed her, simply looked at her with a slow shake of his head, before he came to his feet.

Xander swallowed heavily as he entered their bedroom, feeling for the first time in a long while like he was being hunted as Angel paced soundlessly behind him. Entering their bedroom, he swiftly crossed to the window and stood looking out with unseeing eyes, shaking.

Angel regarded the shaking back of his mate with hooded empty eyes, “You lied to me.”

Xander nodded without turning around.

“You sat right in the car and fuckin' LIED!” Angel roared, sickening rage surging through him as he watched Xander, “Were you jealous of Connor for some reason that you wanted to get rid of him?!”

Xander whirled around stunned, this question came as a surprise to him.

“Jealous? Jealous of Connor, “ he stammered, “He’s only a baby, why would I be jealous of a baby?”

“I have no idea,” was the icy reply, “I do know that all of a sudden after I brought Connor over you were demanding another child.”

“And you jumped to that conclusion,” Xander’s voice raised incredulously.

Angel ignored that and grated out, “Can you open a portal?”

Xander nodded hesitantly, his eyes fearfully as he looked at Angel, seeing a cold stranger standing before him.

“Will you open the portal to Quor-Toth,” Angel demanded with frozen calm, his eyes empty of the love they shared. He couldn't afford to love someone that betrayed him so thoroughly, he resolutely shut his mind to the tiny voice whispering a denial of Xander's betrayal. He was sure that it was only Xander's trying to weaken his resolve to find Connor.

Xander ran a hand through his hair in tired frustration, “Angel, it’s not that simple, you don’t know what you’re as….,” he came to a abrupt halt at the low growl from Angel.

“You are the one that don’t understand! And this is a simple Yes or No question,” Angel shouted, he was so enraged at Xander’s betrayal that he could barely see or think straight.

“Can you open the portal to Quor-Toth, Yes or No,” Angel repeated his demand with deadly patience.

Xander paled alarmingly and swayed slightly, fear and exhaustion finally catching up with him, “No, I can’t open the portal to Quor-Toth,” he said evenly.

“Can’t or won’t,” was the next low question.

“In this case it means the same,” Xander said quietly, “I can’t and I won’t open a portal for you.” Then he tried again to explain, “Angel, if you just listen to me for a minute...,” he started forward and froze at Angel’s next words.

“When I return with Connor, I want you out of this apartment,” Angel said quietly, his eyes dead, his ears closed to Xander's lies. “I will allow you liberal visitation rights with Holly at the hotel but you will not be allowed to take her outside the hotel, is that clear?”

Xander looked at him shaken and beginning to get angry himself, “Angel you don’t know what you’re saying and if you would just listen….,” he trailed off as Angel turned around and left the room. Taking a deep breath, Xander followed after him into the living room.

Angel looked at Spike who had his arm around Willow protectively, then at Willow, “Can you open a portal to Quor-Toth?” he demanded of her, watching as her eyes went behind him.

“Don’t look at hor tor the answer,” he snarled to her, his eyes a frozen gold.

Willow jumped and pressed back against Spike, “N…n…no I can’t open a portal to Quor-Toth,” she stammered.

“Do you know of anyone that can,” Angel demanded, watching as again her eyes went to Xander and he growled.

Spike had had enough and growled back, “Why don’t you listen to the boy instead o’tryin’ to make him do something he ain’t supposed to.”

Angel was deaf to him, focusing his attention on Willow, “As I said to Xander and now I’m telling you, when I return with Connor, I want you all out of this apartment.”

He was surrounded by betrayers! He now wondered when Gunn, Fred and Lorne would show their true colors. And with that he stalked out of the apartment leaving silence in his wake.

Willow’s disbelieving eyes went from the closed door to the Xander’s broken eyes, “He can’t mean that,” was all she could whisper.

Spike snorted, “Right now the guv’nor ain’t thinking properlike. When he comes down off his mad, he’ll be sorry,” he said reassuringly to Xander who just looked at him with devastated eyes.

Xander just shook his head and stumbled back into the bedroom to collapse on the bed. He felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest. Maybe he was having a heart attack, he thought with little concern.

He tried to reach out to Angel using their link. For a minute he thought he had gotten through, then he was rudely thrown out and the door slammed shut.

Grabbing Angel’s pillow, he curled into a ball of pain, trying to control his shudders and tears. And at the touch of warm hands stroking his back, his shudders intensified but he never made a sound as he fought for control over his emotions. Shunting them aside as he focused on the bigger problem: Angel’s determination to open a portal to Quor-Toth.

Narrowing his link to Angel to a fine thread he gently slid under the barrier that Angel erected between them.

Willow and Spike exchanged uneasy glances, then Spike disappeared out of the bedroom ceding the care of Xander to her, while he would maintain a watchful eye on Holly.


Xander was there, watching everything that Angel did throughout the night. Shivering when Angel abducted Linwood and roughed him up. Unlike Lorne, who soon appeared, he knew that Angel was dead serious about torturing the information from Linwood on how to open a portal to Quor-Toth.

He watched as Angel and Lilah entered Wolfram & Hart’s White Room, shuddering at the sight of the little girl...so much ancient power contained in such a small form. And he knew that she somehow sensed him but she was coldly amused at the turn of events to keep his presence a secret.

“Angel. Lilah,” the little girl said, then she looked again at Angel with clear amusement in her eyes before switching her attention to Lilah.

Angel looked at the girl in confusion, this…this little girl was the one that he sought.

He heard her say ilahilah, “Your fingernails are pretty. I love red.”

He looked stonily at the girl when she turned her attention to him, “You have a taste for red too. And revenge. I know, it's so much more fun than forgiveness. So, what's up?”

“A demon named Sahjhan has taken my son,” Angel said tersely.

The little girl said mockingly, “Ahhhh, does he want his little baby back?”

Cold rage boiling in him and he started to take a step towards her to rend her from limb to limb to really show her the color of red, when Lilah put her hand on his arm.

“Oh god, don't,” and he heard the fear in Lilah's voice.

The girl smiled approvingly at Lilah before switching her attention back to Angel, “Baby's gone. You want Sahjhan. He's a Granok....nowadays you can walk right through 'em, but in the past they were something else...they were all about torture and death.”

She smirked at him, “I'm sure you can relate. Well, they caused a lot of trouble. Don't get me wrong, I like trouble -- but I hate chaos. So we changed 'em.”

Angel said slowly, finally sensing the power in the childlike form, “You made them immaterial.”

“Smart boy,” and she gave him an approving look you would give to a bright child, before she continued, “Now they can only watch...and they can no longer touch.” The malevolence in her smile was truly unsettling on the childish features.

“How do you capture him?” Angel said frostily.

“Well, there's your special Resikhian urn...,” she began with a cool smile, “But you don't want his essence in a jar. You want someone you can sink your teeth into, and like a wounded wolf, you’re lashing out at everyone around you.” She stared at Angel with a raised brow, a coldly adult look on her face.

Angel ground his teeth and glared at her, a look that she returned with narrow eyed look of her own before she turned to Lilah.

“That's a yes,” Lilah said dryly with a smirk at Angel.

The girl face was expressionless, “You know these things always come with a price….kill her.”

Lilah had time for one quick gasp as Angel grabbed her by the throat and began applying pressure.

And the little girl looked at him with no emotion, “That's good for now. I can see why he respects you…but vampire, some prices are much harder to pay than others.”

Angel slowly released Lilah, staring at the little girl, sensing some hidden meaning behind her words.

//er aer and the childlike creature exchanged level looks before he slowly nodded. Pulling away from Willow he sat up slowly, his face composed. He knew the price Angel would pay and he was determined to stop him….any way he had too.//

The girl switched her attention back to Angel, “Now, your demon made flesh. Big ritual, it's all here.” Holding out her hand with a folded piece of paper in it.

As Angel reached for the paper it was suddenly in his hand.

//Xander took a deep breath, preparing himself and a voice echoed in his head, 'Can't wait to see how it turns out....' his immaterial eyes shot to the girl.//

“Can't wait to see how it turns out. You have a web site,” she nodded her head, with a twist of her lips.

And Angel found he and Lilah back in the elevator.


Spike glided quietly into Xander’s bedroom the next afternoon and regarded the seemingly sleeping Xander with brooding eyes. The boy had already taken Holly is pis parents before coming back and collapsing into bed early this morning. Willow had finally stumbled to bed two hours ago, wearily assuring him that Xander was asleep before crashing herself.

It wasn’t his imagination that Xander’s face seemed more finer drawn than the night before. He was growing increasingly uneasy over the boy and the entire situation, not that he would ever admit that he was worried about the silly git. But to himself he could admit just a li sca scared and concerned he was for the pup.

The boy had been kind to him and good to his Willow, and as for Peaches, a silent snarl lifted Spike’s lips, well the bloody wanker could dust himself for all he cared.

He saw a brief smile flicker across the boy’s face and hoped that he was at last having a pleasant dream. Quietly he retreated to the armchair and settled into his watch of Xander.


Xander knew Spike was in the bedroom with him but he couldn’t pay too much ationtion to him since Angel started the ritual.

He watched intently when Angel focused on the pentagram traon ton the floor, then he heard Lorne enter the hotel. And once again, Lorne start trying to convince Angel not to do the ritual. He smiled, if he had been there he would have told the demon to save his breath for the screaming and running away.

And if he got Angel out of this mess he knew that he was gonna make damn sure that Angel NEVER came anywhere near that damn bitch. All she was doing was egging Angel on, helping him do the ritual, apparently fascinated to see what would happen next…Xander almost snorted aloud, didn’t she know that there was a practical REASON why crazy people weren't allowed to play with loaded guns? If she had any common sense, she shoulda knocked Angel out, tied him up some dark place and waited until he came to his senses.

He was totally in agreement with Lorne that not speaking would look great on the crazy bitch.

Dammit, Angel was almost finished with the ritual, this was sooo not good.

Angel said dacteactedly, "How's that?" He hadn't heard a word Lorne said since he walked in.

"Looks about right," Lilah said, a cool smile on her face as she glanced sidelong at the bound Linwood tied to a chair.

Angel looked at the pentagram, "What's next?"

"What's next is we stop and reconsider this. Angel, you're messing with primordial powers of darkness here," Lorne said with hopeless desperation.

"Next?" Angel repeated impatiently to Lilah again without looking at Lorne.

Before Lilah could answer, Lorne moved swiftly into Angel's face, forcing Angel to look at him, really look into his eyes and said quietly, "Is this really how you wanna get Connor back?"

Angel looked at him, with little xpression on his face before switching his attention back to Lilah, "What's next?"

Lorne stepped back and exhaled in frustration, knowing that nothing he could say would sway Angel from his dark path. He glanced around and saw that there's no talking sense to anyone here. He backed away into a corner and braced himself for what was to come.

Lilah looked at the instructions, "Human blood."

Angel just looked at her.

She smirked and picked up the ceremonial knife amid all the magical ingredients that had been set out on the counter and sauntered ovo Lio Linwood with an cool unreadable smile.
He was still her boss, but he did tell her to give Angel whatever he wanted...and right now Angel wanted human blood.

Lilah held Linwood eyes, raised the knife...

....and drew thede sde sharply down her palm---never breaking eye contact with Linwood.

Lilah moved to the pentagram and squeezed her fist over the center, dripping blood onto the pentagram.

Angel faced the giant pentagram and began intoning, "Corpus Granok Sahjhan Demonicus."

The lights flash.

Beams of light shoot out from the candles, converge in the center of the pentagram. A form takes shape, a translucent spher lig light. It grows to a couple of feet in diameter.

Angel stepped back and reached for his battle-axe, preparing himself for whatever was going to appear before him.

Everyone squinted, averting their eyes from the brightness.

And suddenly it burst like a bubble, releasing a shock wave of wind and light that nearly knocked everyone onto their collective asses.

Then silence.

Angel looked into the center of the pentagram with wide disbelieving eyes...this was his only hope to get his son back.

No Sahjhan.

And anger began bubbling, seething through him, trying to break through the numbing ice that surrounded him and he began growling ominously.

He stalked over to Linwood, "Where is he?" He could smell the fear, the terror from the man and for the first time in a long while reveled in being the one to inspire the dread emotions in another instead of Angelus.

Linwood looked frantically around, this definitely wasn't what he was expecting.


In the apartment Spike sat forward in the chair watching Xander, he had already been soundly hushed by Xander's sharply raised hand.

Xander frowned and concentrated, the Angel's spell should have worked, where in the hell was that damn demon anyhow?

His eyes snapped open, "Willow!" he shouted springing off the bed and running for the door.

Willow hurried into the room almost slamming into Xander, "What?! What happened, is Angel okay," she asked hurriedly, worry and fear in equal measure in her eyes. Despite what Angel said, she knew that he was just lashing out at her...at Xander....at anyone that he felt was standing in the way of getting his son back.

Xander grabbed her hands, "Willow, you remember that location spell you did a couple of assignments ago, you know the one where you located that crazy Priest that was killing all the 'unbelievers'? Can you do it again? On a demon? Angel just did a spell on Sahjhan to make him material like, but for some reason the demon didn't appear in the hotel...but the spell sho wor worked, I know it shoulda," his words were panicky and distracted as he kept imaging that freaking demon running around L.A..... he shuddered at the coming chaos it would cause.

"I..I...don't know," Willow stammered, "But I'll try, what does the demon look like."

And Xander gave her a rapid fire description of the demon. Tossing instructions over her shoulder for Xander to get her a large bowl of water and for Spike to clear off the kitchen table she ran to her bedroom for the magical ingredients.

Charging into the kitchen with the boys watching her anxiously, she quickly prepared the spell and they leaned over the bowl watching the cloudy depths clear---- just in time to watch Sahjhan get hit by a truck, then the truck slam into the side of a family station wagon. Each of them instinctively wincing in sympathetic pain at the horrified look on the truck driver's face and look of terror on the family in the son won wagon.

Willow muttered a quick spell, preventing the car from catching on fire from the spilled gasoline while Xander in turn also said a rapid spell, healing the family of their multitude of injuries.

And then their mouths dropped open in shock to see the truck rocking then flipped over on it's side as Sahjhan stood between the car and truck...only a small cut on his head to show he had been hurt.

Xander face settled into grim lines, this was the direct result of Angel's meddling with things he didn't understand. Now made flesh, he knew Sahjhan would go on to cause more pain and destruction where ever he went.

"Xander," Willow said quietly her eyes wide, "What's going on? I'm definitely getting a very bad feeling from all of this."

"Too right," Spike agreed with a low growl, "Wot's wrong with the bloody poofer?"

Xander pulled out a kitchen chair and sank into it tiredly, "Angel's done lost his fuckin' mind is a start. He's determined to get Connor back from Quor-Toth and he still won't listen to a damn thing I keep trying to say!"

"So, whagoingoin' to do 'bout it," Spike asked in a low voice, his eyes intent on Xander downturned face.

Xander took a deep breath before looking up with a face etched in harsh lines of pain, "Stop him."

Willow and Spike shivered, exchanging worried looks....if Xander had to kill Angel, he might as well kill himself. They had never seen a person so in love with another as Xander was with Angel and the guilt alone would eventually kill him.

"Willow, Spike," Xander said in a low voice, "We may need to move real fast, if I have to stop Angel. Will, could you call the daycare and let them know that Holly won't be in tomorrow?"

"Don't worry about it Xander, I'll take care of it," Willow tried to soothe the pain in his eyes, "Why don't we see what's Angel's doing, maybe he's coming to his senses," she said brightly with no real conviction in her voice.

Both Xander and Spike snorted at her words and she flushed, "Well, it could happen!"

She waved a hand over the bowl and they gasped as it revealed Angel pulling Linwood up the stairs still tied to the chair. The look in Angel's eyes sending shivers down their spines....

Angel was numb, lost in his despair....he lost his son and even his own mate betrayed him, turning against him---he had nothing left to lose.