Alone Among the Living

Title: Alone Among the Living
By: Ozmandayus

Summary: Buffy and Xander go on a little trip two days before Thanksgiving
Category: Drama/Romance/Angst

Rated: NC-17

Timeline: Assume Fall season six.
Disclaimer: Joss own em, Shawn don't.

My new Yahoo Group "The Bunny Ranch" is where you can find all my fanfic. All of my NC-17 stuff will be posted there from now on: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/OPTheBunnyRanch/?yguid=68307424

Distribution: Anywhere as long as you tell me first.
Feedback: Always appreciated....mrsinister@mailhost.chi.ameritech.net

Dedicated to: Jennifer a.k.a.BXLover and her wonderful new BXAlone list.

******


******


Sierra Mountains Lodge: Cabin 14
Sierra Falls, Ca
Tuesday, November 20, 2001 6:21 PM


Buffy found him outside, sitting on one of the massive rocks that dotted the shore line on the north side of Devils Lake. The sunlight dwindled, but the complete cloud cover hid any possibility of a sunset. A stiff wind kicked up leaves, swirling them around Xander's bent legs and tousled his hair. He didn't seem to notice, though. He stared out into the white-capped waves lost in whatever had drawn him out into the cold this evening.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Buffy asked, hands buried in her pockets as she approached him.

He tilted his head to look at her. Dressed in a deep blue turtle neck sweater, jeans and black boots, she is the picture of casual beauty. Her hair was tied in a loose pony tail, with a few errant strands flanking her face.

"Nothing in particular, Buff." He then turned his gaze back toward the icy waters of Devils Lake.

"Can I observe nothing in particular with you?" she asked, smiling softly. She reached out her hand and he took it, helped her pull herself up the side of the jagged rock to sit beside him. His large hand was warm from his pocket, where it promptly returned once she was settled.

"Of course," he replied, a smile stretching across his freezing cheeks.

"You should be wearing a coat, Xander," Buffy said, noticing the shiver that ran over
his body. It's entirely to cold to be wearing the gray sweatshirt he had on.

The caring tone in her voice warmed him. "I'm fine."

Buffy nodded, deciding not to press the issue. Her feet dangled off the rock as they sat quietly, allowing the lake to converse with herself.

They sit very close to each other, legs touching ever so lightly. To the far left of them, Xander points out a deer running in the forest.

It's only when you get back to nature that you realize life keeps on going even if you don't.

Anya's been dead for nearly six months now and Buffy can still see the pain in Xander's eyes. It's not the overwhelming ache of recent death, but the confusion of what to do with your life now.

Buffy knows that feeling all too well. Not a day goes by that she doesn’t think of her mother. But for Dawns sake and her own, she must go on.

Anya died saving Dawns life while Buffy and the others fought Glory. Dawn begged Xander to forgive her for Anya's death, as if all that had happened had been her fault.

Xander held Dawn all night after the fight. He dealt with Dawns grief before his own.

That's just the way he is.

Time heals all wounds, or so the fables say. In Xander's case, he is healing. So is Buffy.

They are healing together.

Albeit, slowly.

The summer of 2001 went past faster than anyone could have imagined. Giles never officially moved in with Buffy and Dawn until August. Willow and Tara broke up in July, but got back together in September.

Typical relationship stuff.

Faith was released on October 15, 2001. Prison seemed to give her a new perspective on life. She knew if she didn't get her act together now, the next time she goes back in she will likely die their from old age.

She called Buffy and sincerely offered her condolences to her about Joyce. They ended up talking for five hours that night.

Faith moved into the house two days later.

Life is simply to short and everyone needs to be given a second chance.

Life is simply to short.

"You want to do some fishing in the morning?" Xander asked as he tossed a rock that skipped across the lake before falling in.

Buffy began rubbing her hands together, trying to fight off the cold. "That would be nice. But you'll have to teach me. I've never fished before. Oh, but I did kill that sea monster two weeks ago. Of course he decided to walk on land."

"You'll be Buffy the fish slayer in no time," he teased. Pulling his hands out of his pockets, Xander reached for Buffy's hands, taking them into his. He massages her fingers gently, treating her in such a priceless way.

Because to him, she is.

Buffy peered across the distant shore at the lights of a cabin shining in the twilight. "This will be my first Thanksgiving without my mom. I just don't know how I'm going to get through it." No tears fell from her eyes. There just weren't any left.

"She'll be there in your memories, Buffy. She'll always be with you. You'll get through Thanksgiving the way you did your moms birthday last August. You'll be surrounded by all of your loved ones."

Buffy looked down at their joined hands. How he shielded her from the cold.

He's done that alot over the years.

"This will be your first Thanksgiving in two years without Anya."

"Yeah," he replied softly, his eyes looking off into the distance. "She wanted to actually try her hand at cooking this year."

Buffy's heart clenched at the painful expression on Xander's face. "This is going to be one tough holiday to get through."

Xander turned to her, his eyes strong with the resolve to keep going, despite the pain. He brought Buffy's hands to his lips and kissed both of them.

"We'll get through it together," he finished quickly, his voice strained. "I'm going back in the cabin." He slipped down the front of the boulder and slowly made his way back to their cabin, hand in his pockets, slouch in his shoulders.

The light in their cabin flicked on, and then the porch light followed. For a moment Buffy watched him moving about.

Buffy turned back to looking across the lake as the night sky darkened. It was Giles that suggested Buffy get away for a few days. The months since Joyce's death had bonded Dawn to him and he felt her sister could survive a few days without her. Buffy thought of asking Willow and Tara to come with her.

But ultimately, she only wanted Xander on this trip. And she knows why. It's not even a big deal anymore.

Xander doesn't shave everyday anymore. Dawn playfully calls him Scruffy Xander now.

She loves him so.

That's something else she shares with her sister.

Buffy closed her eyes and inhaled pure mountain air, loving the refreshing feeling in her lungs.

She and Xander have been sleeping together for the last two months now. Always fully clothed or in pajama's. Never have they kissed, much less anything else.

And it doesn't happen very often. But sometimes, after a long night of patrolling or a long day of just living, Buffyl sll slip into Xander's apartment.

And into his bed.

They never discuss it. He holds her sometimes. Other times she just wants to know he's near. They have slept on opposite sides of the bed and in each others arms.

They aren't dating. They don't share long loving or lustful gazes.

This year has just been to rough for anything resembling a conventional courtship.

But they usually end up near each other every single day. It never happens consciously. No one makes an effort to seek the other out.

But the result is always the same.

It was only two weeks ago that Xander slipped into Buffy's bed for the first time. When Dawn found them the next morning, Xander scooted back a little and she got in with them. Dawn never said a word as Xander held her and told her how proud he is of her. How courageous he thinks she is. And how everything will be okay.

You comfort the ones you love.

That's just the way it is.

Tears threaten to flood Buffy's eyes, but she fights them off. The lone tear that escapes burns her cheek when the wind stirred. She glances back at the cabin, but he'd moved from the view of the windows.

Buffy misses him even now, when he is less than ten feet away. She knows what they have become to each other. It's not something they have to act as if they don't know.

Love crept up behind both of them when they weren't looking.

Unfortunately, love has awful timing.


***

Now back in the cabin, Buffy found Xander kneeling in front of the fireplace coaxing a small flame over the layers of newspaper the lodge had provided.

"I have created fire," he joked in a cave man voice, his lop sided grin creating that new little flutter in her heart. "Fire good."

"Fire very good," Buffy replied with a smile. She dropped her coat on the floor and sat down next to him.

Xander laid back on the carpet and closed his eyes. "Thanks for inviting me along, Buffy. This is really nice."

"Don't mention it," she added while taking off her boots. "I figured as busy as work has been for you lately that a few days away would do you some good. Lord knows it's doing me some good."

"Thank you."

Later she might rationalize to herself that the flames hypnotized her into saying things that she thought were not ready to be heard yet. "I just like to have you with me. I feel stronger when you're near. Happier too. I don't feel this way with anyone else. I don't think I ever have."

They sat in silence for a few moments as the fire crackled. A loose window fixture clanked against the outside wall as the wind began to pick up.

Xander laid motionless on the floor, contemplating what he should say in response to the most forward thing Buffy has ever said to him.

"You need a Tic-Tac. That gyro you had for lunch has your breath kicking like Bruce Lee." A wide smile came over his face while he kept his eyes closed.

When Buffy straddled his legs he opened his eyes. She leaned down and rested her chin on his chest, looking him straight in the eyes.

"Do you like me?"

Her question carried hidden meanings and he understood each and every one. "No, I don't like you."

She understands what he means to. He loves her and she knows it. His actions over the years speak for themselves.

"Do you like me?" Xander asked slightly hesitant. His hand raised to caress her cheek as the flames cast shadows on her lovely features. Her eyes answer his question immediately, but he still needs verbal confirmation.

"No."

If only love had a road map.

"Our timing is so bad," Xander said, shaking his head. The soft curves of her body seem to mold to his oh so perfectly.

Buffy leans over and kisses his forehead. "Better late than never, don't you think?"

"I really don't like you. In fact, I haven't liked you for a very long time," he admitted as she laid her head on his chest and closed her eyes.

"Life throws a lot of things at you. Some good and some bad. Some you see comming from a mile away and some that hit you in the back of the head out of nowhere. Me not liking you hit me in the back of the head."

"But is that a good thing?"

Buffy wonders what it will be like, accompanying Xander on the journey from friendship to relationship to finally making love. Between them are years of shared trust and respect, loyalty and affection. She's given her body to others for far less nobel reasons, when the simple mix of chemistry was right or when she craved the physical release. It is disarming to realize that emotional vulnerability is, for her, the greater intimacy.

"Yes. That is a very good thing. The best thing in my life."


******


That damn window finally flew off the old rusty hinges it hung from. The sound of it hitting the ground outside woke Xander up. When his eyes opened he noticed that Buffy was still asleep in his arms.

A finer sight his eyes will never see.

The fire is nearly out and the hard floor is doing a number on his back.

"Buffy," he whispered. His hands smoothing over her lower back in a caress he hopes wakes her up. "Buffy, I'm going to need a chiropractor if you don't let me up."

"This is payback for that crack about my breath," she grinned against the cotton of his
T-shirt. She sits up on his thighs as he stretches his arms out. "Better?"

Xander sits up, now face to face with her. His hands come to her face again as he traces his fingers over her baby soft skin. "Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?"

Buffy looked down, suddenly feeling shy. "I don't know. You tell me?"

His arms come around her, pulling her close to his body, their lips a fraction of a centimeter apart. She melts in his arms and gaze, accepting that she can deny him nothing. "Your smile is the best part of my day."

"You becoming a poet in you old age, Xan?" she teased.

"I think you are beautiful in every way a woman can be beautiful. Inside and out."

From him those words mean are so much more believable and cherished. "How am I ever going to be worthy of you?"

"Breathe. Just breath." he whispered in the darkness. Xander presses his lips to her forehead. "Let's hit the hay, Buff."

Through misty eyes she nods and shifts off his lap and out of his arms. Both feel that some progress was made tonight.

Neither are in a hurry to race toward the end they both know is inevitable.


******


The second floor of the cabin has two bedrooms right across from each other. Buffy walks to her slightly ajar door. She enters and exits her bedroom in seconds, except when she leaves her suitcase is in her hands. She closes the door behind her and walks into Xander's bedroom.

He watched her the whole time from down stairs while he put the fire out for good. She was making it perfectly clear where she will be sleeping tonight.

He wouldn't have it any other way.

When he enters his bedroom he finds Buffy looking through her suitcase. "You can sleep in your birthday suit if you want," he teased. "I won't mind."

"Uh huh," she replied playfully over her shoulder. She soon felt his hands on the back of her neck. Xander slowly turned her around.

The room is dimly lit and very quiet. It's sparsely decorated with two dressers and a Queen size bed.

Xander trails his fingers down her back and to her arms, then her hips. His eyes remain focused on hers. He moved slowly from her hips to the front of her jeans. With the lightest of touches, he undoes her belt and pulls it from around her waist.

Buffy raises her eyebrow in surprise, but remains silent. She curios and wants to see where Xander will take them tonight.

The button of her jeans is opened with a sly grin. Xander reaches down and lifts her sweater up and over her head, revealing a purple lace bra underneith.

"Ohhhh, Buffy. This is the good stuff. Where you by any chance expecting to get lucky this evening?"

"No, but by the looks of things you seem to think you're gonna get lucky in a few minutes," she teased while staring down at his.....

Xander's hand moves with confidence as he slowly pulls down the zipper on her jeans, never breaking eye contact. His hands move to her hips again as he slides the jeans off and down to her ankles.

Buffy controls her breathing as his hands and eyes seduce her.

Xander kneels down and pulls her jeans off as she lifts one foot, then the other. Her purple lace panties compliment her bra perfectly and the combination leaves him breathless.

Desire, thy name is Buffy.

Xander stands to his feet with a look of adoration so strong that Buffy can't think of one thing to say.

Xander reaches for the oversized shirt she took out of her suitcase. He lifts it up and above her head. Now in place, Xander's hands reach under her shirt as he undoes the clasp on her bra.

His fingers trace trails of fire across her skin. Her eyes never leave his, not once.

The bra falls to the floor next to her jeans.

"My turn," Buffys says as her hands slowly pull his belt off of his jeans. His sharp intake of air excites her. As she reaches for his zipper, her hand brushes his erection ever so gently.

The moan that escapes his lips speaks of want, without a hint of embarrassment at his obvious desire for her.

Buffy licks her lips for effect before unbuttoning his jeans and pulling his zipper down. She consi pul pulling it down with her teeth, but decides against it.

At least for tonight.

Her hands ran up his chest and underneith his shirt as she lifted it up and over his head.

Her eyes drank in the sight of his bare chest and broad shoulders. She decides not to go down on her knees to pull his jeans off. Once her task is done they stand before each other.

This was seduction and intent carried out under the caughtious veil of intimacy.

Buffy turns down the covers and climbs into bed with Xander right behind her. It is no surprise when his arms wrap around her and pull her solid against his body. His legs tangle with hers, warming the air between them.

Xander lays his head next to hers on the same pillow as they both fall asleep.


******

9:00 AM

******


Xander wonder's if anything in the history of the world looks as cute as Buffy does right now wearing a fishermans hat.

After buying two fishing licenses they rented a small motor boat and stocked up on supplies.

Now they are in the middle of the Devils Lake. Buffy sits between Xander's legs as he instructs her on how to throw her line.

"I know it's not a knife, but I'm sure you can get the hang of this," Xander joked in her ear.

"Look, the line is in the water. What more do you want from me?" she laughed, looking for any sign of fish reaction.

One of Xander's hands slip from around her waist and slowly descend down her leg before banking into her inner thigh.

"Oh, I think I know what you want."

Xander's hand reaches inside the Subway bag on the floor of the boat and grabs a sandwich.

"This will do for now. But there is nothing in the world that taste better than fresh fish. And by God you are going to catch our dinner."

She is happy just being in his arms. A serene feeling comes over her and she smiles, thinking of her mother, happy that she had as much time with her as she did.

The lake is so quiet and peaceful because of the holiday. They have the it practically to themselves.

"Xander, if we had two lines in the water we would have twice the opportunity for fish capturing success."

Xander laid his cheek next to hers and kissed her there. "If I hold my fishing pole I'll have to let you go."

Her arms reach behind her and ruffles his hair. "I guess we can't have that then, can we."

Sunnydale was forgotten for the next two hours. The Hellmouth and anything that may be crawling out of it will just have to wait until they return.

Work doesn't exist here. Neither does college. Friends and loved ones aren't forgotten, but are placed second to the need for a little selfish happiness.

The only thing that exist here is the peace of mind two people seek and seem to have found.

"So how did you learn how to fish?"

His warm breath wind-kissed her ears. "Good Ole Uncle Rory. He took me three times when I was about nine years old. Those happen to be some of the best memories of my childhood that I have. There's nothing like the calm that fishing brings."

"I see what you mean," Buffy replied. The sun shined bright, but their was still enough of a chill to almost see ones breath. They each wore coats today along with thick sweaters underneith.

"Maybe next summer me, you and Dawn can come up here?" Xander offered as a flock of bird flew overhead. "I think she would enjoy it."

"That would be really nice."

Xander and Buffy shared the next ham sandwich while they waited for the fish to start biting.

Ten minutes later they got lucky.

"XANDER!!! I think I've got a big one," Buffy screamed with pride as she struggled with her unseen foe.

"Reel em in, Buffy. Xander got large bottle of hot sauce just waiting for him," he chuckled in her ear.

Although she didn't need the help, Xander's hands grabbed part of her rod and helped reel her catch in.

Once it was on board the boat they both started laughing so hard they didn't stop for ten minutes.

"Sweety, you caught a Goodyear tire."

Buffy tilted her head toward him, still smiling. "Sweety?"

Xander shut up quickly, somewhat embarrassed by the endearment that flew out of his
mouth. "Sorry."

"Don't be. I....I liked it." Buffy replied. She then laid her head back against him and closed her eyes. Her arms rested over the ones that held her securely by her waist. "Sweety, huh?"

"Buffy bear?"

"Nah."

"Slayer cupcake?"

"Never in a million years."

"Sweety it is."


******


Now back on solid ground, Xander grabs the disposable camera he bought earlier. "Alright you vampire slaying woman you. Show me some teeth."

Buffy stood by the shore looking damp and a little cold. In one had she held her fishing rod and in the other....

A 20 inch Goodyear tire.

"Cheese," she said while smiling as if she were holding a Great White Shark instead of a tire.

"Buff, if we catch a flat on the way home you may have saved us."

Buffy looked closely at her tire. "How in the world do you think this got in the lake?"

Xander shrugged his shoulders. "Beats the hell out of me. But nothing surprises me anymore."

They secured the boat and made their way back to the 2001 Blazer they rented. "I haven't felt this good in a long time Xander."

"I feel the same way. And we didn't end up killing anything."

"Except the worms."

"They don't count."

"Whatever," she stated while grabbing his hand. "I've got my peace of mind, my tire, and my man. I don't need anything else."

Neither does Xander.


******


"You were so right about fresh fish," Buffy said as she pushed her plate away. They ran into a couple of professional fishers on the way back to the cabin and bought a few big catfish from them. They even took a few pictures holding the fish, as if they caught them.

Nobody needs to know the truth. There is only one photo to the contrary and a vow was made that no one but them are ever to see it.

Xander sat back with a satisfied grin on his face. "The cooking skills of the Xan-Man are legendary."

"This tasted wonderful. My compliments to the chef."

Xander stood from the table and gathered their plates as Buffy stretched her legs. They went on a short hike through the forest for most of the afternoon. When they returned to the cabin she finished the book she brought with her while he cooked dinner.

Now that dinner is over with Xander works on the fireplace while she lounges on the couch, watching him.

"What time are we leaving in the morning?" Buffy asked while holding a throw pillow to her chest.

"Uhm, I think I'll set the clock for 4:30 AM."

"Couldn't you make that 6:00 AM? Willow and Tara won't be finished cooking until 3:00 PM at least."

"Holiday traffic is likely to be murder, Buff. We need an early start."

"If I really was your sweety we would be leaving at 6:00 PM." Buffy teased, licking her lips and looking away.

Xander quickly moved to the couch, now right in front of Buffy. "Sweety?"

"Is that my name?" she said innocently.

"Yes."

"And when are we leaving tomorrow?"

He was beat. She just looked too good and smelled too good and he wants to kiss her so bad.

Truth be told, he never stood a chance.

"We're leaving at 6:00PM."

"Good. That means we can get a good nights sleep after we make love."

His silence was not born of fear or shock. He simply looked at her and smiled. "I guess it would be a shame to waste this fireplace and the whole isolated cabin in the mountains cliché."

"It'll be a year in February since my mother passed," Buffy said out of the blue. "God, I can't believe it's been so long already."

"I know," Xander replied, still trying to make sense of it all.

"But she's gone, Xander. Not from my heart. Never from my heart. But she's gone. And I'm still here. I'm alive. I have to keep on living. I can roll up into a ball and cry myself to sleep every night, and belive me, I've done that. Or I can be the strong woman she raised me to be. Not the Slayer. But the daughter that continues to live with her mothers memory in her heart."

"I know you can do that. I believe in you."

"I know. You always have."

"And I always will."

"I'm in love with you, Xander" Buffy stated with clarity and honesty. "I've always loved you but it has evolved into so much more than I thought I could ever feel." Leaning forward, she takes his face in her hands. "That's the truth, as simple as I can make it."

Xander looked down at the floor and shut his eyes. His emotions were near the surface, just about to crest. "When Anya died the last thing she said to me was to make as much money as I possibly could and to make another woman half as happy as I made her because that would be enough for a lifetime. She didn't want me to grieve or pine over her because I was still alive. She died the second her last words left her mouth. Part of me wanted to die with her. I think part of me did."

He had never told her this before. His loss deeply affected him, but Anya's words gave comfort to his heart.

She gave him the strength he is just now strong enough to use.

"I love you too, Buffy. And I'm finally ready to move on with my life."

Without hesitation their mouths melted together in a simple fluid motion, lips opening, sliding in languorous abandon. He tasted both sweet and salty, and she relished the warm thickness of his tongue searching her mouth, slow and deep.

she thought, her heart pounding. This is Xander....

And for a few moments nothing mattered except the feverish need to know this part of him, to experience him through his kiss.

In Xander's mind he accepted that fact that she is finally his. That she belongs to him and he belongs to her.

"Shots in the dark, Buffy. If you're lucky, more hits than misses," Xander said as his lips left hers.

A metaphor for life.

"I want you. Tonight. In our bed. I want you to make love to me."

Her words wiped out the rest of the known universe. He saw and heard only Buffy.

Somehow they made their way to his bedroom. Their bedroom, or soon it will to become.

He laid her gently on the bed and realized that he must have carried her up the stairs. His mind was working on basic functions only. Breath, see, hear, Buffy.

Nothing else mattered.

When his shirt fell open she slid to the floor and worked at his belt, and then the button beneath. The expanse of his bare chest distracted her though, and she abandoned his clothing in favor of skin. Slowly she slid her hands up his stomach and over his broad chest. She toyed with the patches of soft hair and the firm beads of his nipples. His skin was so soft to the touch.

Briefly she went back to his mouth to kiss him deeply before dipping lower and tasting the salty sweetness of his flesh. He made little moans, encouraging her oral exploration. She worked her way lower, running the tip of her tongue against the ridges of his stomach muscles that rippled as she kissed him.

The fingers of his left hand wove themselves through her hair when she found his bellybutton. For a while she dipped her tongue in the shallow hollow there, and bit at the sensitive flesh that surrounded it as her hand explored up the inside of his leg and his thigh.

His breath came faster.

Buffy loves the way he unconsciously licked his lower lip, clenching the muscles in his leg, the way his eyes became mesmerizing blackpools, fathomless, soulful, so beautiful they broke her heart. When she ran her fingers up the underside of his clothed erection, he squeezed his eyes tightly shut and hissed in pleasure. When she reached lower to cup the hot bulge between his legs he whimpered.

Buffy moved up his body again to lightly graze his moist lips with hers. Another throaty grumble from Xander when she squeezed signaled the end of his passive tolerance of her seduction. Before Buffy knew what was happening, he pushed her down on the bed and rolled on top of her.

It amazed her how perfectly he fit between her thighs. The stiff protusion of his erection pressed perfectly into her most sensitive parts, and even with the layers of clothing still between them, Buffy found herself rocking her hips in time with his.

He kissed her ear and neck, but Buffy was busy sucking the roundness of his shoulder to give him any verbal encouragement. When she looked up into his eyes the desire she saw in him was nearly overwhelming.

They worked furiously to ve tve their pants as quickly as possible. She got his down past his hips, and grasped his hot erection just as she pushed her panties and pants together down to her knees. Buffy managed to kick them off one leg before he grabbed her thigh and pressed it open.

"I'm on the pill."

"I haven't been with anyone since Anya. We used protection."

"I haven't been with anyone since Riley. We used it too."

With mutual moans, she guided him home.

Their bodies worked together to create a steady rhythm. One of his hands snaked inside her sweater and under her bra. She reached down and pulled his hips a little higher on her body, until his pelvic bone hit her perfect spot with each of his thrusts. His muscles played under her fingertips, and she memorized them. She wanted to remember everything about this first night with him, so that she would always know what it felt like to be utterly loved, how it felt to love him so completely.

Buffy reached up with her mouth and kissed him, lured him closer with her lips. Over and over her tongue plunged into his mouth carressing, exploring, a small imitation to the pleasure he gave her.

Slowly, a wonderful pressure began to build in some far of place of her abdomen.

Xander felt it, too. "Oh, God! Buf.." His cadence inside her wavered, and he abandoned her kisses to dig his teeth into her shoulder, trying to hold on for dear life.

Buffy had a better idea.

"Xander," she whispered to get his attention.

"Buf.." was his breathy response.

She dropped one of her knees and rolled the two of them over, Xander was to far gone to help. When he was flat on his back, his hands shot to her hips and they both breathed in the shooting pleasure that gravity added. With her firmly planted on top, he pushed even deeper inside her. It took a moment or two for Buffy to recover. When she did, she took Xander's carressing hand from her belly and moved it lower. His thumb instinctively knew to work tiny circle over her clit.

Buffy began to rock. She pressed her palms into his solid chest for support and watched the play of pleasure and adoration on his face.

"Faster," was his only response, and she was only to happy to reply.

Pressure, pleasure, and then a rush of heat that over-flowed into pinpricks of pure, unadulterated bliss. The pressure of her on-coming climax reasserted itself, and Buffy closed her eyes to concentrate on bringing it home. Their rhythm became more frantic as it drew closer. Xander's thumb worked harder.

Then, all at once, the wave over-took her, and Buffy cried out. Suns exploded behind her eyelids, the world spun. All at once she was weightless and far to heavy to move. Some where far away her body continued to convulse around him. But now he was on top, pounding into her, pushing himself to that one perfect moment, burning to join her again.

Her body slowly drifted back.

Buffy loved the way he rammed into her with lust burning for her alone. And, as his own climax flooded through him, she loved the way he sank into her arms as he drifted, momentarily lost to the absolute beauty of the moment.

If she can have Xander make love to her for the rest of her life, Buffy would be the most contented woman on the planet.

For a while she stroked the hair from his face. A kiss on the arm told her he was beginning to recover.

"Love you so much," Buffy sighed as she held him close, her hands soothing his warm skin.

He whispered his love for her through light kisses that danced across her lips.


*****

Xander tossed the last of their things into the trunk of their Blazer and slammed it shut. Buffy sat in the drivers side. She's going to drive them home.

They are a couple now, though in all honesty they've probably been one since September. But death and other life issues made the process of finally getting together difficult.

Xander had already accepted Anya's death. But he felt a pang of guilt at pursueing his own happiness when she could not.

He has finally realized that her happiness is and always will be his. And with Buffy, he is happy.

He'll never forget Anya, but he must move on with his life.

Damn, that's tough to do sometimes.

But life doesn't really give you a choice.

Roll or get rolled over.

Buffy felt rejuvenated, like her senses, the ones that had nothing to do with her night job, were more alert than they have been in a very long time.

Her capacity to love is endless. She has so much to give because her mother instilled so much in her. She knows that she will have to take each day one at a time. But she is not alone.

She lives for her sister and herself now. Destiny will take a distant sixth place from now on.

She breathes for the man who waited ever so patiently to make her his world. Instead of dwelling on how much she needs to make up for in her treatment of him, she will instead start anew.

She cannot prove the existence of God or aliens. She cannot cure diseases or raise the dead. But each and every day of her life she can prove her love to him, can show him that he means the world to her as well.

The car door opening pulls her out of her thoughts.

"How do you feel?" Xander asks as he slams the door.

"I feel like I'm among the living again."

"You're not alone," he replied as she started the engine and headed for home.


******


The End...No sequels.