A Fairy Tale III

Disclaimer: Hmmm...it seems I've 'misplaced' my proof of ownership, so I guess they're not really mine after all.

Warning: If you ever, at any point in your life, want to be able to look at "Snow White and the Seven Dwarves" with the eyes of an innocent child, do not read this.

~~~~~~
It was a cold winter day, and snowy gusts of wind beat against the castle. The Queen sat by her window, embroidering by the flickering candlelight. Her eyes strayed often from her work, and as her needle flickered in and out of the fabric, she managed to prick her finger.

She gazed down at the scarlet drops that marred the perfection of the white cloth. With a heavy sigh, she said to herself, "Oh, if only I could have a child as white as snow, as red as blood, and as blue as the summer sky."

Now, as fortune would have it, the Queen soon after found herself pregnant, and her joy knew no bounds. (Let's all just go with the assumption that the King had something to do with this as well, ok?) As the child grew within her, her heart was light, and laughter often filled the castle with its happy song.

In time, a son was born, with skin as pale as the new snow, lips the color of freshly drawn blood, and eyes the clear blue of the sky. The Queen looked upon her son and, with her last breath, named him Spike, for she said he would pierce the hearts of everyone who looked upon him. (It was a long last breath, all right? Geez.)

There was mourning in the land for the death of the Queen, for she was well loved. But, as often happens, the King eventually remarried. His new wife was a beautiful woman, but she was proud and self-centered. She couldn't stand the thought that there should be anyone who surpassed her in beauty.

Now, Lilah had a magic mirror (doesn't everybody?), and every day she would stand before it and ask it who the fairest person in the land was. And each day, the mirror would respond that she was the fairest of all. And so, Lilah was content. (She's shallow, I know.)

Years continued to pass, and Spike grew from an angelic child into an awkward teenager. But this awkwardness was not to last long, and soon he had become a handsome young man. He lived true to his name, claiming a place in the hearts of all who saw him.

All but Lilah. She watched in jealousy as Spike became ever more comely, and glared into her mirror at the fine lines that started to appear on her face. Even so, all was well so long as the mirror continued to assure her that she was still the fairest in the land.

However, the fateful day came when Lilah stood before her mirror and asked her question, and the mirror answered her, "Hey babe, look. You're pretty, yes. Kinda...mature, but not bad. But I gotta tell ya, that boy Spike, he is way finer than you'll ever be again. And have you checked out that boy's ass...ets? Mmm-mmm!"

Lilah was furious, and envy gnawed at her. What little bit of her heart that was left was filled with a deep hatred, and she determined to rid herself of this rival.

(I know, you're wondering where the King is through all this. What can I say...he's one of those absentee father types. Deal with it and move on.)

~~~~~~
Lilah swept through the castle, eyes narrowed in barely-repressed fury. For the last three weeks, her faithless mirror had insisted that Spike was better looking than she was. She'd had beyond enough. It was time to do something.

"Lindsey!" Lilah swept into the room where the king's finest hunter awaited her.

Lindsey stood, bowing stiffly. "Yes, your Majesty?"

A cruel smile flitted across Lilah's lips. "I have a job for you," she purred as she stepped in close to the hunter, not noticing his faint shudder of distaste. (Like you wouldn't shudder too!) "I want you to take Spike into the woods tonight and kill him. And I want his heart as proof." Her eyes hardened with malice. "Do you have a problem with that?"

Lindsey blinked. "No, your Majesty."

"Good." Smirking, Lilah patted his cheek gently. "If you fail me..." she trailed off menacingly, making sure her point was made. When Lindsey simply nodded in response, she left the room, satisfied that come morning, all would once more be as it should.

~~~~~~
"She has got to think I'm an absolute moron," Lindsey muttered softly to himself. "'Go kill the prince, no one will mind.' Right. Why did I take this job again?"

"Sir? Are you all right?"

Lindsey gave a mocking grin to the young man following him. "Peachy keen, Spike. Couldn't be better."

"Oh" Spike glanced around the gloomy forest. "Are you sure we should be out here? There's rumors of a werewolf in these parts." (Heh. Guess who?)

Lindsey sighed, pausing his trek to study Spike. "Look, I'm going to be honest here. Seems dear old Queenie doesn't like you much, and she ordered me to kill you."

"I...see."

"Yeah, well, you're too cute to kill, so I'm taking you to a safe house. You can stay there until things cool down."

"That's very sporting of you." A twig snapped in the distance, and Spike inched closer to the hunter. "But, um, what about that werewolf?"

"Who, Oz? He just likes to sneak up on people and scare them half to death. Wouldn't eat anyone. He's a vegetarian." Lindsey grinned and resumed walking. "Come on, it's not much further."

~~~~~~
Drusilla glanced up from her dolls. "They're coming," she stated simply.

"Who's coming?" Cordelia bolted up frantically. "We're having company? But I don't have anything planned! What will we do for entertainment?"

Anya shrugged indifferently. "Maybe you could ask Willow when she's done having orgasms with Tara. She can magic something up."

Dawn and Buffy, the last of the seven dwarves -- (What do you mean I can't call them dwarves? What the freakin' heck??? Ok, fine!) -- the seven people of under-average stature (happy now???) entered the room. "Did someone mention company?"

At that moment, there was a knock at the door. Dawn raced to open it, just barely beating Buffy there. "Lindsey!" she exclaimed joyfully.

"Hey sweetie." Lindsey bent and scooped her up, swinging her through the air. "I brought someone to meet you all." He set her down, then reached behind him and pulled Spike into the cottage. (Big cottage. I mean, seven girls normally live here, and under-average stature or not, girls need their space!)

"He sparkles bright with the burning baby fish," Drusilla piped up helpfully.

"Yeah, that's the problem," Lindsey replied as he led Spike to a normal-sized chair by the hearth. "He's a little too bright, and the Queen wants him dead."

"Bummer," Buffy said sympathetically. "So you were thinking he could stay here?" She eyed Spike critically. "Well, he's eye candy, that's for sure. Don't see why he can't."

"Great. Well then, I should be getting back. Spike, take care, I'll come back when things blow over a bit at the castle. Oh, hold up..." He pulled out his blade (no, not that one!) and grabbed the hem of Spike's tunic, sawing off a ragged section. "Thanks. Later!"

Bemused, Spike watched the hunter stride out of the cottage. Then, swallowing a bit nervously, he smiled tremulously at the cluster of miniature females gathered around him. "Er, hello?"

~~~~~~
The sun was rising by the time Lindsey had returned to the castle. He'd barely stepped foot inside when Lilah appeared in front of him.

"Well? Is it done? Where is his heart?"

With mock deference, Lindsey humbly replied, "I beg your Majesty's forgiveness, but I was unable to bring back his heart. We were set upon in the forest by a vicious werewolf, who made off with Spike and tore him to pieces. I was only able to reclaim this." He held out a scrap of bloodstained cloth.

Lilah snatched the rag away, eyes lighting with unholy glee. (Heh. That just sounded cool.) "Lovely," she whispered in a husky voice. "You have done well, hunter. You shall be rewarded."

"Er, right. Thanks." He watched as the Queen practically skipped away, giggling maniacally. "What a creepy woman," he muttered.

"Who?" Arms encircled his waist and a pair of lips pressed briefly to the nape of his neck.

Lindsey grinned and twisted around, bending and giving Oz a firm kiss. "The Queen," he answered.

"Ah." He nuzzled at Lindsey's throat. "Bed?"

"Definitely." Lindsey allowed himself to be led off by his lover. "Oh, by the way, did I mention that you 'killed' the prince last night?"

"Really? You'll have to tell me about that."

(Ok, in case it's not blatantly obvious by now, I like Oz/Lindsey. Deal with it!)

~~~~~~
(Meanwhile, back at the r...)...)

"Now Spike, we're off to work. There's food in the cupboards, and some books that other guests have left behind. Help yourself."

"Thank you. You've been extremely kind to me." Spike smiled at the seeming leader of the women of under-average stature.

"Eh, don't mention it. Dawn!" Buffy glared up the staircase. "Get down here! You're going to make us late!"

Dawn clattered down the stairs, tugging on her jacket. "I'm coming! Geez, don't pop a vein." she grabbed a tart off the table and rushed out the door. "Bye, Spike!" she called behind her.

The other women all followed, only Drusilla pausing to offer Spike a work of warning. "The wicked dragon will come looking. The naughty glass will tell her the way. Don't take candy from strangers, they'll steal away your breath." (And if you're not careful, the cow will jump over the moon, and the dish just might run away with the spoon.)

Spike blinked. "Oh. Of course. Thank you."

Drusilla beamed happily at him before rushing out after the others.

~~~~~~
Lilah stood confidently in front of her mirror. "Looking-glass upon the wall, who is fairest of us all?" she demanded haughtily.

"Oh geez, not again," the mirror muttered. "Lady, you've got some serious self-esteem issues, you know?"

Lilah glared. "Just answer!" she snapped.

"Yeah, yeah. Look, you just ain't got it any more. Spike's still way hotter. If I thought I had half a chance, I'd jump him in a heartbeat."

"What!? Spike's dead!"

The mirror snorted. "Hardly. He's living with a gaggle of cute little babes in the middle of the forest. Get a life and get over yourself already." With a wink to the portrait on the opposite wall, the mirror went blank.

Lilah howled with fury, cursing the hunter's betrayal. He would pay. But first, to deal with Spike. (Hey, you know the saying; you want something done right, do it yourself.)

~~~~~~
Spike drummed his feet restlessly. He was beyond bored. He had passed boredom so long ago, it was practically in another country.

There had been a couple of visits by a really creepy old peddler woman, but Spike hadn't been born yesterday. He wasn't about to open the door to anyone he didn't know. Not when there was someone intent on killing him. (Hey, is it still paranoia if they really are out to get you?)

With yet another sigh, Spike decided to find something to eat. A quick search of the cupboards produced some bread and dried meat. Anything else would have required actual preparation and cooking, not something Spike was quite ready to handle.

Spike decided tt out outside so he could get a breath of fresh air. It couldn't hurt anything just to step out for a few minutes, right? (Snort.)

Once outside, he inhaled the crisp, clean air, smiling broadly. He leaned against the side of the cottage, quickly finishing his plain but sustaining lunch. Brushing his hands off, he turned to go back inside. He paused when he noticed a basket of apples, and grinned. He grabbed the basket and took it inside with him.

After a few moments of careful deliberation, Spike chose a juicy red apple and bit into it.

And collapsed unmoving onto the floor.

~~~~~~
"Right. That should have done it." Lilah carefully washed her hands, making sure that not even a drop of poison remained. "Well, let's see what the mirror has to say this time."

Once more, Lilah stood in front of her mirror and demanded to know who was fairest.

The mirror glared at her sullenly. "That was really rotten, you know?"

"Don't push me," Lilah growled. "I'm this close to smashing you."

"Fine, fine. You're prettiest. Happy now?"

Lilah grinned. "Very."

"Bitch," the mirror mumbled as it faded. (Don't you just love this mirror?)

~~~~~~
A piercing shriek rang through the clearing.

"Do you think he's dead?" Cordelia asked.

Anya nudged the unresponsive body with her foot. "Yep."

Drusilla sniffled softly. "Why can't men ever do what they're told?" she asked mournfully.

"I guess we should bury him," Buffy sighed. "To bad. He's really hot."

"He just doesn't look dead," Willow complained. "He's so..."

"Sexy?" Tara offered.

"Right!" The other women all nodded in agreement.

"Well, we could make a coffin of glass and put some spells on it. That way we can still see him and he won't get all rotten and nasty."

The others all seemed to approve of Willow's suggestion, so that was what they did. The fashioned a coffin out of glass (Don't ask me how, maybe they had jobs at the mortuary or something.) and laid Spike in it. They placed him in a small clearing nearby and ringed his coffin with flowers. They visited Spike daily, sighing over the waste of such a prime piece of ass--er, that is, they mourned the sweet prince's passing. (Cough.)

~~~~~~
The months passed, and one day, a prince came riding through the forest. Prince Xander had heard tales of a cottage full of lovely little women who possessed something of great beauty and...oh, who am I kidding. He'd heard that Prince Spike was the sexiest thing in seven kingdoms, and he wanted the chance to ogle, even if the poor guy was dead. (Sounds kinda gross now that I think about it.)

When Xander finally managed to find the coffin where Spike was interred, he was overcome. And hard. Very hard. (Hey, Spike's a hottie, alive or undead.)

He found the seven women of under-average stature, and pleaded with them to give him possession of the coffin. And Spike. The women were very reluctant, but Xander was persuasive. Once Buffy managed to determine that he wasn't going to use Spike for any sort of necrophiliac purposes, she and the others finally agreed to grant Xander his desire.

Xander called his servants over, and they hoisted the coffin on their shoulders. He bid the women farewell and followed his men away from the clearing.

Things were proceeding very smoothly until it chanced that one of the men (who had, incidentally, had a bit too much to drink the night before and was still nursing a severe hangover) stumbled over a bush. The coffin went crashing to the ground, the glass fracturing in several places.

Furious, Xander rounded on Riley (snicker), berating him for his clumsiness.

"Ouch."

Xander froze, then slowly turned around.

Spike grimaced and flicked away the piece of apple that had become dislodged from his throat. "Um, where am I?"

"Gah-bibble..." Xander replied as gazed lustfully on the living, breathing embodiment of sex that was staring up at him with trusting eyes.

Spike blushed as he saw the front of Xander's pants bulge out. His breathing deepened, and he licked his lips.

Graham, another of Xander's servants, coughed delicately. "I think that's our cue to get lost," he murmured to the others, and they all beat a hasty retreat, although not without a few backward glanced of longing. (Hey, who wouldn't?)

Spike smiled up at his savior shyly. "I'm Spike," he whispered.

"X-Xander," came the response. Then Xander fell upon Spike, kissing him fiercely.

Spike gasped and surrendered himself to Xander's wandering hands and lips, never having felt such sensations and desperately wanting more. (Heh. Cherry Spike. Mmmm.)

"Can I..."

"God, yes!" Spike groaned, falling back and spreading himself out for the taking. (Who says good boys can't put out on the first date? Or...whatever.)

Xander wasted no time in taking what was offered, quickly stripping Spike of his clothes, licking and nibbling each exposed inch of flesh.

Spike thrashed back and forth wildly, overcome with a pulsing heat that seemed to spread from his belly throughout his entire body. He wanted... "More!"

Xander complied, swiftly removing his own clothes and groping for the vial of oil that Drusilla had slipped him with a sly wink. (Hey, the lube had to come from somewhere!) It was but the work of moments to coat his fingers and slide them into Spike's tight heat.

With a hoarse cry, Spike pressed himself down on the invading fingers, whimpering when the rotated and stretched inside him. Then, they were g and and something larger was taking their place.

Xander gasped as his cock was slowly encased in Spike's welcoming body. He paused when he was fully sheathed, gasping desperately for breath.

Spike jerked him down for a searing kiss, clamping his inner muscles tight.

Unable to help himself, Xander began to thrust, rocking in and out of his lover. He reached down and began to stroke Spike's cock.

With the added stimulation, it didn't take long for Spike to cum. This triggered Xander's orgasm, and the two soon fell into a gasping, sweaty heap.

After several minutes of trying to catch his breath, Xander managed to form a semi-coherent sentence. "Marry me?"

Spike grinned. "Yeah. Sure." (Awww.)

~~~~~~
Lilah dropped the invitation onto the dresser and turned to her mirror, primping smugly. It wasn't every day one got invited to such a prominent wedding, after all. She had to look her best.

As was inevitable, once she has dressed in all her finery, Lilah posed her usual question to the mirror. However, she was in for a shock.

"Babe, gotta say. Prince Xander's honey is way hotter than you'll ever be. Face it. You're old. And are those wrinkles I see?"

Lilah spun away from the mirror, cursing and screaming loudly.

The mirror made a very nasty gesture when Lilah's back was turned, and the portrait across the room giggled quietly.

Seething, Lilah determined to go to the wedding and have a look at the Prince's 'honey'. Then she'd decide what she would do about the situation. After all, she'd gotten around the problem laste.
e.

~~~~~~
"Why'd you invite her?" Spike glared at his husband-to-be, pouting deliciously.

Xander nibbled at the protruding lip, slipping his tongue inside Spike's mouth. When he ended the kiss, he grinned. "Because. Did I ever tell you what we do to people who attempt to kill the heir to the throne?"

"No. What's that got to do with anything?"

"Well, see, we strap them into iron shoes that have been heated until they are red-hot, then make them e foe for our entertainment until they fall down dead. It tends to cut down on assassination attempts. And I thought it would be great entertainment for our wedding."

"Oh." Spike grinned a very evil grin. "Ok then."

And that's just what happened. Needless to say, Lilah was very upset to find out that it was once again Spike who had turned her mirror against her. She didn't have much time to fume, though, before the iron shoes were brought out. After that, she was too busy screaming.


Oh, yeah. And the two princes lived happily ever after. Well, once Lilah had danced herself to death.

As a side note, the seven women of under-average stature had found Xander's servants after the incident in the forest. They took the four strapping young men back to their cottage with them, where they entered into a polygamous group marriage and proceeded to have mind-boggling orgasms for years to come.

The magic mirror, having finally gotten rid of his self-involved mistress, eloped with the portrait on the opposite wall. After all, they'd been making eyes at each other for years, it was only natural.

Oz and Lindsey enjoyed many vigorous years of sex as Lilah had never remembered to get revenge for Lindsey's betrayal.

As for Spike's father, well the King eventually married again. (Third time's the charm, right?) He just hoped that Darla turned out better than his last wife.

 

The End.