Xander Gets Sick

AN: I got H1N1 myself and feel extremely shitty with my own isolation. I decided to try to ease my heartbreak by sharing it. Set in my own little AU corner of the universe, where Giles, Spike and Xander share something long term and special the others don’t KNOW, but probably suspect… Familiar… Also, for obvious reasons, unbeta'ed

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Xander was reduced too laying in bed and waiting.

‘I can’t believe this! It’s completely ridiculous! I’m feeling so much better’ cough ‘Not 100%, but better!’

He looked around himself. Hospital bed, little table with non-operational phone and deck of cards, wall, curtain, wall… sigh.

He stretched his arms above his head and yawned. ‘That’s me, the master of undercover’ he thought as he checked for nurses. ‘All clear,’ he decided.

He powered up his phone to check for messages under his blanket. ‘Still no messages? I’m so alone! Are they so busy?’

The few messages he had received to date served only to intensify the ache of missing his men.

‘It’s not as if I’m that far away! Spike’s crypt is like 20 minutes from here, and Giles has a car! I don’t get it, don’t they miss me?!’

He quickly glanced around again. ‘The coast is clear,’ he told himself before quickly typing his message.

“I miss u! Do u have time 2 chat w/me? Plz?”

He sent it to the two people he longed for the most.

Returning the device to it’s hiding spot under the covers, he kept it clenched in his fist, hoping for a prompt response.

And waited.

The air vent above him kicked on, distracting him. ‘Oh, 2:00 AM,’ was the idle thought that occurred at that moment.

Then nothing.

After a few moments, the muscles in his hand started to loosen, and before he knew it, he was dozing.

Zzzzz! Zzzzz!

He started before realising it was an incoming text message. He hit the button to read it, before he was fully aware he needed to.

Read now? Yes.

“Sorry luv, patrol. Will mssg b4 dawn”

Xander was pretty disappointed.

Reply.

“I thought u were off 2nite”

Send. Wait.

Zzzzz! Zzzzz!

Read now? Yes.

“You know I hate these. I will be rid of Buffy Tuesday. I love you”

Now was the time for shock. ‘Giles can’t find the time or desire to see me for two days?!’

‘Well, Xander, you know full well they have lives too! Giles can’t just desert his sacred duty as Watcher just because you’re lonely! That’s not who he is. That’s why you love him. He sticks with fierce loyalty to the things important to him. It’s not like you’re dying! He-’

Zzzzz! Zzzzz!

Read now? Yes. Again, before the buzzing had registered, he had it opened.

“L8r”

He stared at the screen under his blanket.

‘Later!? That’s it!? Later?’

Reply.

“What do u mean”

Then his brain kicked in. ‘You’re being such a girl! Be reasonable,’ he thought closing his phone. ‘You don’t want Spike getting hurt because he’s answering all your stupid little selfish text messages! He’s patrolling!’

‘Besides, it’s not as if you haven’t spoken to him today! Just like –What time is it? 2:30… -eight hours ago, when he called for 4 minutes to say… he would… chat… with you tonight. Once you were settled in. And the nurses let down their. Guard.’

Sigh ‘But he got busy! It’s not as though he isn’t coming in the morning! He’s coming to get his gift!’ he thought, fingering his new accessory.

He had had one made for each of them. Simple round pendants, etched with their lovers’ first initial.

‘I wonder if they’re going to think I’m a complete schoolgirl?’ he asked himself, not for the first time. ‘No, they’re going to think it’s sweet… Right?’

The initial plan had been to wait for Christmas, but since Xander had been carrying them around for a week, he couldn’t wait anymore.

OK, maybe he was a complete schoolgirl, but these pendants were special to him.

He liked knowing that here was something tangible. That if his loves accepted and valued these gifts, maybe this wasn’t just transient to them: Maybe this relationship meant as much to them as it did to Xander.

‘Don’t get your hopes up, stupid! What if they laugh? What if they break up with you!? Maybe I shouldn’t…’

‘Not this again! You should’ve thought about that before telling them you had a prezzie for them if they came to visit you! ... Stupid,’ he added in for good measure.

He decided to keep his phone in his hand to make sure he could reply quickly if he did receive a message, hoping that he might get a dialog going if he did.

“You’re so desperate,’ he thought to himself as he was drifting off to sleep. ‘They might want to talk to me,’ he replied to himself. ‘Yeah… Right.’

The next thing he knew, the morning nurse was handing him pills and juice.

Luckily, he had the presence of mind to leave his phone where it had ended up, under his pillow. When the nurse finally left, he checked if he had slept through any messages.

‘No!? Spike said he’d chat with me… I guess patrol ran late… Well, better make myself look better, he’s coming soon! Yay!’

The morning crawled on, each passing hour, he told himself to just play cards, but he couldn’t bring himself to. By 11:00, he seriously doubted Spike was coming.

‘He’s probably sleeping by now! Don’t be an asshole texting him, waking him up now! He probably got stuck somewhere inconvenient when the sun rose, and decided to sleep while he waited for it to go back down…’

‘He just didn’t think to text me before he fell asleep, right?’

‘He figured I’d know, right?’ was the story he told himself for the next few hours.

At 4:00, the story changed.

‘He never sleeps this late, maybe he forgot he was supposed to come over… Maybe he forgot he said he’d text me (Right?)… Maybe his phone died (Except it’s always full, he’s obsessive about it)… Maybe some demon trashed his phone! Maybe some demon trashed him!! Oh my god, I have to call Giles!’

“Have u spoken 2 Spike? He 4got 2 text me… worried?”

Send.

Wait.

Wait.

Zzzzz! Zzz-

“He must just be busy. Sorry, I can’t make it Tuesday. Rest up, feel better”

“What!?” Xander said out loud, forgetting where he was in his disappointment.

He looked around like a deer in headlights, but quickly decided no one was coming.

Hurt was overwhelming him at this point, and his tears were fighting to break free.

‘Have I done something wrong?’ was his silent question as his pain started running down his face.

‘Did either one actually plan on visiting me at all? Are they talking to each other about me? Is this all a plan, have-’

It was unbearable to think, but at this point, he couldn’t help it. He could barely breathe through his sobs.

‘Have they chosen to be with each other!?’ shudders were racking through his frame. He couldn’t bring himself to finish the though consciously, but the thought was still hanging.

Without me?

He spent the better part of the next hour trying to bring himself to formulate something he hoped wouldn’t sound too clingy.

When he pulled himself together, what he sent was:

“Well, see you… At some point. Xox”

Send.

Then a great shivering sigh.

He still couldn’t bring himself to send a message to Spike.

‘He didn’t come… He stood me up! “See you in the morning, love!” Yeah? Which morning is that?’

‘He didn’t even send me a message saying “2 busy” or “I 4got” or even “I don’t feel like it: Sod off!” Nothing! Is that all I’m worth to him, nothing? To either of them?’ he feels his eyes filling up again.

‘Don’t be ridiculous, Xander, he loves you, they both do!

Just not enough to notice you’re desperately lonely?’ Fresh tears start up, gathering on his pillow.

‘They’re busy!

How can they both be so busy neither can find the time to see you when you feel so vulnerable?

Xander, smarten up! Did you tell them how you feel? They’re too busy to talk, how can I tell them!? Then they aren’t avoiding you KNOWING how you feel, are they?

Doesn’t change the facts, and doesn’t make me less heartbroken, does it?’



TBC? Who wants to know how it’ll play out? If people are interested, I might tell of the gifts’ reveal, once people make time, or “Xander” gets out… -Shayne