Damaged Desire

Title: Damaged Desire
Author: AddictedtoBuffy
Rating: NC17
Pairing: Angelus/Wesley
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Angel the Series. They are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy et al. I do not make money from the writing of this, it is purely entertainment. I do not mean any disrespect to the actors who have portrayed these characters. This fic contains explicit Male/Male relationships if you are adverse to this or are under the age of eighteen then please do not read. Thankyou to all the online writers who help keep the Buffyverse alive.
Summary: “I’ve always wondered about what would happen if I blew your balls off. Would you regrow them or would you be a eunuch?”
“Tell me, Wesley, do you think about my balls often?”
Angelus is back! Set in Angel Season 4.
Series: This is a sequel to Bitter Substitution. Might become a series at some point.
Beta: A very big thankyou goes out to LadyVirgo and Jasonsnene for looking over this.
Feedback: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I’ll get on my knees and beg for feedback both good and bad
Distribution: Ask and you will receive
Warnings: NonCon. I really flirt with it in this. BDSM themes, consider yourself warned.
A/N: This was also written to the marvellous and talented Bubbysbubs birthday.


Damaged Desire

Wesley’s POV

I ponder the stupidity of wandering around in the dark by myself when a known killer is on the loose. Then I realise that all our actions these last few months have been profoundly stupid. Another apocalypse, so what do we do? We unleash Angelus right into the middle of it. Oh yes, that’s right. We make the end of the world even worse. Sure it wasn’t supposed to happen like this, but isn’t that what everyone says? The road to hell and all that. Something I am profoundly familiar with. I’m trying to atone for what I did last year. Taking Angel’s son was the worst thing I could ever do. I betrayed the only family I ever had. Since then I have tried to atone for that mistake but I just seem to muck it up even further until we ended up in this screwed up situation.

Angelus is on the loose. We brought him back so that he could tell us what we needed to know about our newest threat. Our intention was to keep him locked in a cage. Of course, he escaped and somehow someone removed his soul from the safe where we were keeping it so we couldn’t put it back. He killed Lilah. I have no idea how I feel about it. I want to scream and shout and get drunk for a year but that is not how a Wyndham-Pryce behaves. Instead, I’m displaying suicidal tendencies by walking around outside in the dark that never ends.

LA is now vampire central. Yes what a super idea it is to be out here. I just can’t face everyone at the hotel at the moment. They put on sympathy and expect that I have all the answers. Well, this time I don’t and I’m too much of a coward to admit it. I stalk through another alley, not even paying attention to my surroundings, too many thoughts swirling round my head. A rubbish bin tipping over shakes me from my thoughts and I stare widely around, my hand automatically going to the rifle hidden on my body. I recognise this alley, it’s the one I met Dean in all those months ago. Unfortunately, it’s not Dean here now. It’s him. Angelus.

“Thought you knew better, Wes,” he taunts, leaning up against the wall flaunting his body in those skin tight leather pants and deep, rich red silk shirt.

“Maybe I do.” My gun is out and pointed straight at him. He just laughs in an attempt to intimidate. It won’t work any more. I’m too jaded for that.

“C’mon Wes, you know bullets won’t hurt me.” He’s up and moving slowly towards me. I keep the gun aimed on him, knowing without a doubt that I’ll fire even though he wears the face of my friend.

“No, but I’ve heard him complain about how much they hurt. They do slow you down. Plus, I’ve always wondered what would happen if you were shot in the head. Want to test my theory?” I ask dryly, willing him to try it so I can blow him apart. He stops still and slowly raises his hands above his head.

“I’ve always admired your balls. Even when you were a snivelling, clumsy watcher you still did what needed to be done.” I wonder where this is coming from. Angel has never said anything like this to me, no matter how many times I wished he would. Well, not the snivelling, clumsy part but the rest. I ignore it as best I can and lower the aim of my gun a little.

“I’ve always wondered about what would happen if I blew your balls off. Would you regrow them or would you be a eunuch? What poetic justice that would be.” He just smirks at me, and I feel a sliver of fear worm its way up my spine.

“Tell me, Wesley, do you think about my balls often?” I stare at him, the words hitting very close to the truth even though I can never let him know that. His smirk just grows bigger. “Oh, I think you do.” He steps forward and I put my other hand on my gun to steady it.

“Take one more step and I will shoot you.” I blink and he’s no longer in front of me but there’s a pressure on my arm telling me that he is pulling it down. He’s right next to me and I didn’t even notice him move. Shit.

“Sorry, Wes, not this time.” I watch my own gun come towards me but I freeze. I can’t stop him. The next moment my world goes dark.

******

I groan as I awaken feeling positively awful. My head hurts and I move my arm to rub at it. Hang on a moment. Why isn’t my hand reaching my head? I slowly open my eyes and groan at the dim light that seems to sear my eyes. The shapes become solid and I know that my contacts must still be in. I am in a dingy room that looks familiar. I seem to be somewhere within the Hyperion. Not Angel’s suite though. With the hotel having so many rooms the other occupants could be completely unaware that we are here. Or he could have slaughtered them all leaving me as the only survivor. If being chained to a wall counts as surviving.

I look up and see that my hands are bound to short chains that are attached to a big ring protruding from the wall. I look down and find myself naked. Oh, this cannot be good. I’m not in reach of anything that I can use as a weapon. I slowly manage to stand up, feeling a bit shaky. I can’t move out from the wall; the chains won’t let me. There is nothing within grabbing distance and the chains are solid. I won’t be able to break them or worm out of them. Basically, I’m royally screwed. I just have to wait until he comes back. Luckily, I don’t have to wait too long, if you call it luck that my tormentor comes back. The door opens and he is framed in it. Still wearing those leather pants but his shirt is untucked and unbuttoned. I know what is coming, but strangely, I am not terrified. I think I knew we would get to this point at some stage. It seems inevitable.

“Looks like you’re finally awake.”

I just groan. Do I have to listen to his inane prattle?

“Why don’t we skip the small talk?” I ask.

“Eager are you?”

I laugh at that. “You’re just a walking cliché. Don’t you have any original material?”

He growls deep in his throat and that shuts me up. I can never forget what he is. Just because he looks like my friend doesn’t mean anything. He’s not. Angelus is a dangerous, unpredictable beast and I am in a huge amount of trouble. He stalks forward, staring at me intently. I resist the urge to cover myself with my hands like a blushing virgin.

“Stop trying to distract me, Wes. I know what you need.” He is so close now but he hasn’t touched me. He is just standing there, fully clothed while I’m naked, intimidating me.

“Well, what’s that then?” I tried for defiant but I know I didn’t pull it off. Instead my words sounded almost pleading. I don’t like where this is going and he knows it. The bastard is enjoying this. I don’t think I’m going to get out of here with a shred of dignity intact. That is if I do manage to get out of here. He moves forward until I’m sandwiched between him and the wall. His clothes rubbing against my bare skin. He bends down to whisper in my ear. “Your cock just twitched.”

I am screwed. I see red, more mad at myself than at him. Why is it that every time I find myself held against a wall by a strong male body I get off on it? I’m a sick, sick man. He smirks at me and I scream in rage. I lash out at him with my arms, knowing it won’t do a bit of good, but needing the release anyway.

“You bastard, you absolute bastard,” I yell. Punching him, knowing that it isn’t hurting him in the slightest. He grabs my arms effortlessly and pins them above my head.

“Oh Wes, you have a lot to learn but that little outburst earns you a punishment. You can’t go around hitting me.” That smirk is firmly in place and I want to punch him in the head.

“What do you expect you sick fucker? What do you want from me?” I shout into his face ignoring the sensation of my cock rubbing against his leather pants.

“Language. You don’t want your mouth washed out with soap, now do ya?” he taunts. “I want you to admit what Angel has known about you for years. You get off on men dominating you. You want it, need it, crave it. Today is your lucky day Wes, because you’re finally going to get your deepest darkest desire.” He bends in close again so that his breath tickles my earlobe. “I’m going to own you.”

My knees buckle at his words and I feel myself blush a deep red. I wish it wasn’t true. Wish that I could deny it but it’s futile. My hard as nails cock demonstrates the truth of his words. My father was right when he told me I was a disgrace. I’m one sick man and now my enemy is going to use that knowledge. I should feel more repulsed at that idea than I do.

“You’re an evil, evil vampire,” I tell him lamely.

“Oh I am and that’s part of the attraction isn’t it Wes? Now be a good boy and kneel before your new Master.” He lets go of my arms and steps back a step giving me room. I just stare at him mutinously. I can’t deny his words but that doesn’t mean I’m just going to roll over for him. I don’t see the backhand coming but he gets me right across the cheek. I move my jaw around, testing it, making sure it isn’t broken.

“You don’t want to do this the hard way, trust me. Now get down on your knees, boy.” I consider my options but I know he’s right. Sooner or later I will end up on my knees. It’s just a matter of how hurt I am when I get there. I awkwardly get down on my knees, in front of him, knowing exactly what is coming and wishing I were repulsed not turned on by it.

“There you go, that wasn’t so hard.” He patronises me, his hands brushing through my hair. “Soon you are going to love kneeling in front of me, for me.”

I can’t keep silent any longer. “I might do this, you son of a bitch, but I am never going to enjoy this.” He just throws his head back and laughs.

“There’s that spirit but you’re wrong Wes. You’re enjoying it even now but you’re too repressed to admit it. I’m going to set you free, let you be exactly what you’ve wanted to be all those long cold nights when you’re alone in your apartment.”

I lower my head in shame knowing he’s right. What kind of freak am I?

“You know I’m right. Now is the time to embrace what you’ve tried to keep hidden all this time Wes. It’s what you are and it’s why I’m keeping you. Now,” his hands are on his fly, opening it up, and I know what’s coming, “open that lovely mouth of yours and suck me.”

His dick is there, right in front of my face, waving at me. I know I could refuse but, like he said before, he’d just hurt me until I agreed. I might be a coward for this but I don’t want any more pain. Sucking in a deep breath, I lean forward and lick the tip, gathering his precome on my tongue. His hands weave into my hair again, urging me on.

I take a deep breath and engulf his cock. It is cool but not cold and I try not to think that I finally have Angel’s dick in my mouth. I’ve wanted this for so long, but not like this. I never wanted this with Angelus in control. It’s a heady experience having another man’s cock in your mouth and I’d love to get lost in the fantasy of it being Angel above me but I can’t. The almost painful way he’s gripping my hair, the filthy derogatory words that are spewing from his mouth, the way he’s thrusting into my mouth forcefully: they all shatter the illusion. It’s Angelus above me and I’m sucking his cock, not Angel’s. I’m mortified to find myself making needy sounds around the flesh but I keep sucking on it as hard as I can.

“Yeah, that’s it Wes, such a slut for this. This is turning you on something fierce, being my whore. That’s it you cock-sucker.” The words send a shiver down my spine. Oh God, I am so sick. I like the words. Maybe I deserve to be kneeling here. My cock is so hard it hurts and my jaw is aching but I don’t stop my ministrations. I want to touch my cock but I don’t dare. I close my eyes in humiliation.

“Oh yeah, I’m gonna come and your going to swallow it all cos you enjoy it.” I just let him do what he wants, giving in. It’s going to happen anyway. I know he’s going to humiliate me as much as possible before he finally lets me die. There’s no way around it. I cannot escape and no one will come looking for me. He comes and I swallow it down, not caring. He moves back and I just stay kneeling staring at the ground.

“Mmmm, you sure know how to suck cock, Wes. Bet you’ve had lots of practice.” I don’t say anything and I feel him playing around with the chains. I don’t look; I don’t want to know what he plans to do with me next. Maybe prostitute me out to all his demon buddies. Suddenly I feel a tugging on my arms. He’s undone the chain and is using them to tug me across the room. I stand up slowly, hearing my knees crack from being on them for too long. One of my legs has gone to sleep but I don’t have the time to fix it, as he’s looking impatient. I wonder why he hasn’t backhanded me already. I follow him meekly over to the bed. I’m surprised he’s going to take me here. I thought that walls was more his scene. He stands next to the bed and studies me for a moment.

“What not going to fight? Where’s that sharp tongue of yours?” I ignore his attempts to goad me and just stare down at the black sheets on his bed. What a stereotype. I bet he has blood red sheets around here too, somewhere. He shrugs and sits down on the edge of the bed.

“Doesn’t matter, I’ll soon have you begging. Its time for your punishment.” Great I wait for the blows but they don’t come. I find myself staring into his eyes, startled. I don’t know what he wants from me. He pats his leather-clad leg.

“Lay across my legs on your stomach.” I stare at him in horror. He’s going to spank me?! He must have seen my expression because he growls at me and I am painfully aware that I’m pissing off a very dangerous vampire and I’m a fragile unarmed human. I sigh, knowing that he’ll get me there eventually. Just another way to humiliate and hurt me. I make my way onto the bed and bend across his lap in a very awkward position. I want to stay kneeling but he pushes me down until my weight is on him. He smoothes his hand all the way down my back and I shudder. I don’t know whether its revulsion or desire but I do know that I am still painfully hard. He doesn’t need to humiliate me; I’m doing a good enough job of it by myself.

“Just relax and think about why you’ve forced me to do this.” I haven’t forced him to do anything. I want to protest but in the next second his palm lands on my upturned ass. Smack!

“What?” Smack! Right next to the first one. I try to move off his lap but he holds me down. Smack! “Ow!” I think he’s using some of his vampire strength cos that really hurt. Smack!

“Stop that!” I yell. Smack! Yes, that was stupid even for me. As if he’s going to stop just because I demand it. Smack! Right on top of the first one.

“Ow!” Like he cares that it hurts. He could keep this up all day, just another way to humiliate me. Smack! I bury my head in the black silk sheet, going as limp as I can, letting him do what he wants. Smack! I grit my teeth so that a sound doesn’t escape. I wonder how long he is going to keep this going. Smack! It is certainly a different torture technique. Smack! I try to ignore them but all I can think of is how did I end up here? Smack! End up on Angelus’ knee? My cock is still hard. Smack! Getting friction against those leather pants every time a slap pushes my body. Smack! My ass is sore and I feel tears in the corners of my eyes. Smack! No, I can’t cry. Father always hit me with his belt when I cried. Smack! I don’t know why this is affecting me so; it doesn’t hurt me nearly as much as that belt did.

Smack! Maybe it’s being naked and knowing that some part of me is enjoying this, as evidenced by my cock. Smack! Maybe because its making me realise how much I like being naked on his lap. Smack! Forcing me to realise how much I liked sucking him. Smack! How much I want him to fuck me over and over and over even if he is an evil vampire. Smack! How much I want someone to own me. Own my body, tell what to do, how to do it and when to do it. Let someone else be in control.

I don’t realise the smacks have stopped until he pulls me up so that I’m straddling his lap. He brushes a tear off my face. I was crying? I suddenly feel very vulnerable in front of the Scourge of Europe. I don’t understand his interest in me. One lousy human.

“You’re finally understanding aren’t you? Give in, Wes; let yourself go, let me know what you want right now.” Strangely, I feel safe. Safe in a mass murderer’s arms. His hands are brushing up and down my back tantalisingly close to my butt before moving back up. I decide to give in. The worse thing he could do is laugh and I’m used to it. I’ve lost count of how many people have laughed at me over the years.

“You know what I want,” One bit of rebellion is left in me, one part that just can’t bear to say the words.

“I do, but you need to say them.” He pulls my head back by my hair so that I’m staring up at him, staring at his game face. Why can’t I be shit scared of it?

“I need what you can give me.” I start choking on the words, unable to believe I’m saying them to him. Still doesn’t mean I wouldn’t try to escape if I could.

“Keep going,” he growls, tugging my hair tighter, warning me of what will happen if I don’t continue.

“I need to be owned, fucked. I need you to take me, use me, and drink me down. That good enough for you?” I ask, trying to ignore how saying those filthy things made me feel.

“That will do for a start.” He tugs my head to the side and I know what he is going to do just before he does it. Well I did ask for it. He penetrates my neck with his fangs and I brace myself for the pain like when Justine slit my throat. It doesn’t happen. Instead I feel something completely unexpected. Pleasure. My breath comes in short gasps and I’m mortified to find myself undulating against his hard, clothed body. I can’t stop myself though, the pleasure shooting down my spine is too intense and all from him drinking my blood. I feel his hand grasp my cut-through-anything-its-so-hard cock and I gasp. Thank goodness, I’ll be able to come. Then he presses down hard on the base cutting off my orgasm. He’s not even going to let me have that. I don’t know what would be more humiliating coming from his fangs in my neck or having him stop me from coming.

“Oh no, my little harlot, not yet.” I whine and then flush red. He uses his strength to roll us over so he’s on top and then drags me up the bed. The chains hanging from my arms clinking together. Before I know it he’s tied one chain to the cast iron bed head. There is no way I’m going to be able to get out of that.

“I won’t chain your other arm up for now. I want to feel your hand on my shoulder begging for more but if you try anything they’ll both be tied there.” He warns me and I know he’s serious. “Now spread your legs for me let me know how hungry you are for my cock.” I stare up at him for a long minute before deciding to do what he said. I’ve given in and it’s not like I didn’t know we’d get to this point at some stage. I spread my legs as far as they’ll go and stare up at him defiantly.

It feels weird lying down here exposed, with him kneeling over me fully clothed. I’m surprised when his mouth comes into contact with mine. I didn’t expect kissing. It seems a bit intimate. I can taste my blood on him and I’m sure he can taste his come on me. He takes possession of my mouth and I’m so distracted it takes a moment for me to realise that one of his giant fingers is probing at my entrance. At least its slick with something. He releases my mouth and I pant harshly.

“Ah, as I thought, not as tight as a virgin. I bet you’ve taken it up the ass lots of times. It doesn’t take much for you to roll onto your back does it?” He prods at my prostate and I can’t help but arch up into him.

“Yes, I think it doesn’t take much to get you to roll over, you’re such a whore for it. Bet you would do just about anything to get a cock up your ass.” As he talks he continues prodding my prostate and adds a second finger.

“Bet you get off on the pain too. You like it rough Wes?” He grabs hold of a nipple and twists. I almost shriek at the pleasure/pain of it, unable to say anything, words have abandoned me. “Oh you do,” he smirks again and withdraws his fingers. I ache wanting them back. “Which is why that is all the prep you’re getting.” He kneels up to undo his fly and pull his pants down far enough that his cock and balls hang out. He’s going to take me almost fully dressed. A full-body shiver at the thought of it takes me. I should be repulsed but instead I’m just turned on. He moves my legs so they’re hanging over his shoulders and I’m almost bent in half.

“Tell me you want it.” He demands and I find myself obeying.

“Please Angelus, take me, I need it.” The breath leaves my body as he pushes in harshly. It burns and he is so big. Fuck! His fabric scratches against my bare skin and I pull at the hand tied to the bed wanting to wrap both arms around him, urge him on.

“Tell me how much of a slut you are,” he demands as he pulls out then thrusts back in just as forcefully.

“I’m a slut, I need you to take me, please. I’ll do anything to have your cock up my ass.” Sensations wash through my body and I don’t even know what I’m saying. All I know is I want him to continue, over and over and over.

“Yeah, you are and this is where you belong, tied to my bed and ready whenever I want to ride you.” He whispers in my ear and I just arch into him. I can’t speak: the barrage on my prostate is making my brains dribble out my ears. It’s lucky I can even understand what he’s saying. I must have made an affirmative sound because between nibbling my neck he tells me how much of a whore I am, how he’s going to keep me here as his own personal sex slave and use me however he wants. The next thing I know he is biting down into my neck and I scream at the mind numbing pleasure.

“That’s it whore. Come for your master.” I do. I come on command and end up a puddle of mush that he continues to use until he finally comes. I feel myself floating and I don’t know if it’s from the mind melting sex or the blood loss but I can’t seem to care. He sits up, still immaculate having caught my mess in his hand. He wipes it on a tissue as he stares down at me with a proprietary look in his eye.

“I’m never letting you go, you’re mine now. Go to sleep.” I watch him get up and leave the room closing the door behind him, no doubt locking it too. I’m too sated to worry. I can do that later but I have no doubt that I am his now. His to use, his to abuse, at least until Angel’s soul is forced back inside.

The End.