Tears Of Blood
folder
BtVS AU/AR › FemmeSlash - Female/Female › Tara/Willow
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
2,116
Reviews:
0
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
BtVS AU/AR › FemmeSlash - Female/Female › Tara/Willow
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
2,116
Reviews:
0
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Tears Of Blood
A.N. This was written for LJ Comm: pushingenvelope, but it was to be posted October 1st and no one's gotten back to my e-mails or to the comment I left in the comm. I have therefore decided "saving" this for their posting day is going to be rather tedious and I can write something else for their next prompts or something should they ever get back to me. I'm versatile enough for that.
Title: Tears Of Blood
Pairings: Willow/Tara (Kinda. There is no actual... boinkage because that's kinda icky... even for me.)
Appropriate Ratings: Hard R
Warnings: Suicide, character death
Short Summary: What if Willow had chosen another act of destruction after her bid to end the world had ended? What if her pain was simply greater then anything the love of a friend could heal? Prompt given was something about suicide and... I can't remember really, and it's been so long the e-mail is lost no matter how much I search for it.
Beta: LJ user Tamakin
Comments keep my muse well fed. Please feed her, pretty please? She's been rather quiet lately.
GRAVE, excerpt from script.
XANDER
I'm not joking. I know you're in pain. I can't imagine the pain you're in. And I know you're about to do something apocalyptically evil and stupid and hey, I still wanna hang. You're Willow.
WILLOW
Don't call me that.
XANDER
The first day of kindergarten you cried because you broke the yellow crayon and you were too afraid to tell anyone. You've come pretty far-- ending the world not a terrific notion-- but the thing is, yeah, I love you. I love crayon-breaky Willow and I love scary-veiny Willow so if I'm going out, it's here. If you want to kill the world... well, then start with me. I've earned that.
WILLOW
You think I won't?
XANDER
It doesn't matter. I'll still love you.
WILLOW
Shut up.
She rakes her hand through the air and deep bloody gashes appear in Xander's cheek.
XANDER
I love you.
She does it again, this time ripping through his shirt and digging deep lacerations across his chest. He doubles over, gasping in pain. With great effort, he straightens up and faces her again.
XANDER
I... love you.
WILLOW
Shut up!
She extends her hand and shoots a plasma bolt at him but it dissipates almost instantly, barely affecting him. He staggers toward her as she looks down at her hands, confused and panicked.
XANDER
I love you, Willow.
WILLOW
Stop!
She tries to blast him again but this time the result is nothing but a few feeble sparks.
XANDER
I love you.
WILLOW
Stop!
Tears stream down her face as Xander reaches her. She beats against his chest as he wraps her up in a hug. She collapses to the ground with great heaving sobs as Xander holds her.
XANDER
I love you.
As she cries against his shoulder, a wave passes over her. Her hair shifts from black to its normal red, the black veins disappear from her skin and her eyes shift back to their natural state. Xander's own injuries disappear as well.
And here our tale begins
“Shhh Willow, it’ll be okay, I’m here, you stopped, it’s okay…” Xander kept soothing the distraught girl, rocking her back and forth as she struggled to breathe around her tears. He kept murmuring soothing words, pretty sure she wasn’t listening, but knowing she could hear the tone of his voice.
He heard her mumble something unintelligible into his shoulder, her fingers clutching at him painfully tight, holding on for dear life. He slipped a finger under her chin and lifted her face to his, thumb stroking along her jaw, “I couldn’t hear that Wills, what are you saying?”
She pushed away from him, almost violently, scrambling on hands and knees to put distance between them. “I tried to kill you! I wanted to, I wanted to kill everyone and you come here, and talk to me, and make me… make me not, and it hurts, it still hurts! She’s still gone, they took her away from me Xander. You think a little…. A little break down, and tears, and I’ll be fine?” She scrambled backwards in a crab walk, struggling to her feet. Every movement was a chore, her arms and legs felt as heavy as lead, but she couldn’t be there, not now.
“You think loosing the one person that… the one… the only person that ever… You think I’m done? You think this is all going to have a happy ending? There ARE NO HAPPY ENDINGS!” The tears were flowing freely down her damp cheeks, but she dashed them to the side. She wanted to feel angry again. She wanted that icy heat to just wash away the pain, the tears, she wanted it to fill the gaping emptiness she felt inside. She struggled to grasp it, to pull it back over her, through her, but it was slipping away.
She hugged herself tightly, fighting the urge to curl up in a ball and just cry, fighting against Xander’s open and warm and inviting embrace, she couldn’t accept it, not now. She wasn’t worthy, was she ever worthy? Only Tara made her feel… made her feel… oh Goddess, Tara was gone! Tara was gone, and she was never coming back!
With an anguished shriek that hung in the air and pierced the fog that held her immobile, held her helpless and hopeless and oh so cold, she disappeared with a clap of thunder. She left behind her ambitions to destroy the world, but took with her all of the pain and anguish she was fighting through. Xander stood dumbfounded on the cliff, arms outstretched to pull her close, hold her, bring her back home, but they were empty. Willow was gone, and he had no idea what he was supposed to do.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Willow opened her pure black eyes and looked around, curious as to where the magic had taken her. She wanted to be with Tara and the magic had listened, had understood her unvoiced plea. She was deep under the police station in the medical examiner’s morgue, in the room lined with freezers. Willow couldn’t suppress a shiver from the chill in the air, partly from refrigeration but mostly from the ill boding hanging heavy and thick in the air.
The world was screaming in her head, in her heart, the magic she’d stolen from Giles was ripping her apart inside. She could feel the love and joy and happiness of everyone, but it didn’t seem to reach her. How was she supposed to live in a world where she couldn’t feel love? Couldn’t feel joy? The clawing emptiness just seemed to repel it, pushing it away, leaving the gaping hole unfilled. She felt every tear shed, every hurt emotion, every second of pain of everything and everyone instead, and it just hollowed her out more.
She lifted her hand, and traced the hand written name on the card in the slot on the door she was standing in front of. She wanted to cry again, but couldn’t; the hole inside had now even swallowed her tears. “Tara…,” she whispered hoarsely, feeling her lip start to tremble, the burn starting up behind her eyes, heralding a fresh shower of tears… but then they were sucked inside her once again, the black hole within ripping away even her ability to show grief.
The small door opened with a flicker of magic, even less was needed to slide out the drawer that held her beloved. Willow’s hand was trembling as she lifted it, stroking the cool skin of her lover’s soft round cheek. It didn’t feel real anymore, it wasn’t Tara anymore, but it was all she had left, all that had been left behind. She leaned down and placed a soft kiss on Tara’s brow, her thumb sliding down to gently stroke the dead girl’s lower lip. It finally occurred to her then, what she was doing there, why the magic had brought her here, in front of this door, in this room empty of anyone who could stand in her way.
She walked away, a new purpose gleaming in her green eyes. She’d left the magic behind, felt it flicker and die inside her, felt yet another hole that could never be filled eat away at who she was, who she used to be, who she could never be again. It made things easier, really, being so empty and dead inside. Nothing was left to stop her.
She rummaged in the drawers till she found what she was looking for in a cabinet that had been left unlocked, tiny foil packets in a small cardboard box. She slid one of them into her pocket, and moved back to… her girl. Her precious girl who she hadn’t known how to love. Her Lady that held her heart in such soft and comforting hands. After everything Willow had done… Tara had still found a way to love her. After every betrayal and lie and abuse of her power on people who’d never consented… Tara had still seen her as someone worth loving, worth… everything.
She looked down at her body and placed a soft kiss on cold full lips, unyielding under hers. It was okay, she didn’t have to, Willow knew what Tara had felt for her. She pulled up a chair and sat down, back to the wall of refrigeration units, front facing her Tara, her world. She pulled out the tiny foil packet and fiddled with it, looking at the number 10 boldly printed on the outside. It held a promise, and she was about to make use of it.
She was calm now, no longer trembling, no longer afraid or angry or hurt. She had a purpose, a clear destination, a well defined path, it would be okay. She didn’t think they’d be reunited, that was a happy ending and she didn’t believe in those anymore… but at least this would stop… at least the echoing emptiness inside her would be silenced.
With deliberate movements, she opened the packet, baring the razor sharp blade within. She couldn’t help marveling at it’s simplicity, and it’s pure form and purpose. It was so clearly defined, so easily used, so perfectly designed. It calmed her, comforted her as nothing else had been able to do so far. It was what she needed, she knew that.
Without thought or hesitation she drew it down her arm, barely feeling the skin part and spill her precious life’s blood. She’d been careful, and hadn’t touched the tendons. She knew about that, about how it made it impossible to slice the next wrist and she didn’t want any excuses. This was her decision and nothing was going to stop her. Quickly, before she lost her nerve and her fingers went numb from blood loss she finished her task with another long gash on her other arm. She didn’t even cry out.
They ached dully, she could feel each pulse of her heart pushing the crimson flow out of her. Already she was light headed, dizzy, feeling the world slip away. She felt herself slide to the side, her head resting on the tray Tara lay upon, holding herself up as her life dripped away.
It was okay… this was what… she wanted… it would … be okay… nothing was… was… going to…
Title: Tears Of Blood
Pairings: Willow/Tara (Kinda. There is no actual... boinkage because that's kinda icky... even for me.)
Appropriate Ratings: Hard R
Warnings: Suicide, character death
Short Summary: What if Willow had chosen another act of destruction after her bid to end the world had ended? What if her pain was simply greater then anything the love of a friend could heal? Prompt given was something about suicide and... I can't remember really, and it's been so long the e-mail is lost no matter how much I search for it.
Beta: LJ user Tamakin
Comments keep my muse well fed. Please feed her, pretty please? She's been rather quiet lately.
GRAVE, excerpt from script.
I'm not joking. I know you're in pain. I can't imagine the pain you're in. And I know you're about to do something apocalyptically evil and stupid and hey, I still wanna hang. You're Willow.
WILLOW
Don't call me that.
XANDER
The first day of kindergarten you cried because you broke the yellow crayon and you were too afraid to tell anyone. You've come pretty far-- ending the world not a terrific notion-- but the thing is, yeah, I love you. I love crayon-breaky Willow and I love scary-veiny Willow so if I'm going out, it's here. If you want to kill the world... well, then start with me. I've earned that.
WILLOW
You think I won't?
XANDER
It doesn't matter. I'll still love you.
WILLOW
Shut up.
She rakes her hand through the air and deep bloody gashes appear in Xander's cheek.
XANDER
I love you.
She does it again, this time ripping through his shirt and digging deep lacerations across his chest. He doubles over, gasping in pain. With great effort, he straightens up and faces her again.
XANDER
I... love you.
WILLOW
Shut up!
She extends her hand and shoots a plasma bolt at him but it dissipates almost instantly, barely affecting him. He staggers toward her as she looks down at her hands, confused and panicked.
XANDER
I love you, Willow.
WILLOW
Stop!
She tries to blast him again but this time the result is nothing but a few feeble sparks.
XANDER
I love you.
WILLOW
Stop!
Tears stream down her face as Xander reaches her. She beats against his chest as he wraps her up in a hug. She collapses to the ground with great heaving sobs as Xander holds her.
XANDER
I love you.
As she cries against his shoulder, a wave passes over her. Her hair shifts from black to its normal red, the black veins disappear from her skin and her eyes shift back to their natural state. Xander's own injuries disappear as well.
And here our tale begins
“Shhh Willow, it’ll be okay, I’m here, you stopped, it’s okay…” Xander kept soothing the distraught girl, rocking her back and forth as she struggled to breathe around her tears. He kept murmuring soothing words, pretty sure she wasn’t listening, but knowing she could hear the tone of his voice.
He heard her mumble something unintelligible into his shoulder, her fingers clutching at him painfully tight, holding on for dear life. He slipped a finger under her chin and lifted her face to his, thumb stroking along her jaw, “I couldn’t hear that Wills, what are you saying?”
She pushed away from him, almost violently, scrambling on hands and knees to put distance between them. “I tried to kill you! I wanted to, I wanted to kill everyone and you come here, and talk to me, and make me… make me not, and it hurts, it still hurts! She’s still gone, they took her away from me Xander. You think a little…. A little break down, and tears, and I’ll be fine?” She scrambled backwards in a crab walk, struggling to her feet. Every movement was a chore, her arms and legs felt as heavy as lead, but she couldn’t be there, not now.
“You think loosing the one person that… the one… the only person that ever… You think I’m done? You think this is all going to have a happy ending? There ARE NO HAPPY ENDINGS!” The tears were flowing freely down her damp cheeks, but she dashed them to the side. She wanted to feel angry again. She wanted that icy heat to just wash away the pain, the tears, she wanted it to fill the gaping emptiness she felt inside. She struggled to grasp it, to pull it back over her, through her, but it was slipping away.
She hugged herself tightly, fighting the urge to curl up in a ball and just cry, fighting against Xander’s open and warm and inviting embrace, she couldn’t accept it, not now. She wasn’t worthy, was she ever worthy? Only Tara made her feel… made her feel… oh Goddess, Tara was gone! Tara was gone, and she was never coming back!
With an anguished shriek that hung in the air and pierced the fog that held her immobile, held her helpless and hopeless and oh so cold, she disappeared with a clap of thunder. She left behind her ambitions to destroy the world, but took with her all of the pain and anguish she was fighting through. Xander stood dumbfounded on the cliff, arms outstretched to pull her close, hold her, bring her back home, but they were empty. Willow was gone, and he had no idea what he was supposed to do.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Willow opened her pure black eyes and looked around, curious as to where the magic had taken her. She wanted to be with Tara and the magic had listened, had understood her unvoiced plea. She was deep under the police station in the medical examiner’s morgue, in the room lined with freezers. Willow couldn’t suppress a shiver from the chill in the air, partly from refrigeration but mostly from the ill boding hanging heavy and thick in the air.
The world was screaming in her head, in her heart, the magic she’d stolen from Giles was ripping her apart inside. She could feel the love and joy and happiness of everyone, but it didn’t seem to reach her. How was she supposed to live in a world where she couldn’t feel love? Couldn’t feel joy? The clawing emptiness just seemed to repel it, pushing it away, leaving the gaping hole unfilled. She felt every tear shed, every hurt emotion, every second of pain of everything and everyone instead, and it just hollowed her out more.
She lifted her hand, and traced the hand written name on the card in the slot on the door she was standing in front of. She wanted to cry again, but couldn’t; the hole inside had now even swallowed her tears. “Tara…,” she whispered hoarsely, feeling her lip start to tremble, the burn starting up behind her eyes, heralding a fresh shower of tears… but then they were sucked inside her once again, the black hole within ripping away even her ability to show grief.
The small door opened with a flicker of magic, even less was needed to slide out the drawer that held her beloved. Willow’s hand was trembling as she lifted it, stroking the cool skin of her lover’s soft round cheek. It didn’t feel real anymore, it wasn’t Tara anymore, but it was all she had left, all that had been left behind. She leaned down and placed a soft kiss on Tara’s brow, her thumb sliding down to gently stroke the dead girl’s lower lip. It finally occurred to her then, what she was doing there, why the magic had brought her here, in front of this door, in this room empty of anyone who could stand in her way.
She walked away, a new purpose gleaming in her green eyes. She’d left the magic behind, felt it flicker and die inside her, felt yet another hole that could never be filled eat away at who she was, who she used to be, who she could never be again. It made things easier, really, being so empty and dead inside. Nothing was left to stop her.
She rummaged in the drawers till she found what she was looking for in a cabinet that had been left unlocked, tiny foil packets in a small cardboard box. She slid one of them into her pocket, and moved back to… her girl. Her precious girl who she hadn’t known how to love. Her Lady that held her heart in such soft and comforting hands. After everything Willow had done… Tara had still found a way to love her. After every betrayal and lie and abuse of her power on people who’d never consented… Tara had still seen her as someone worth loving, worth… everything.
She looked down at her body and placed a soft kiss on cold full lips, unyielding under hers. It was okay, she didn’t have to, Willow knew what Tara had felt for her. She pulled up a chair and sat down, back to the wall of refrigeration units, front facing her Tara, her world. She pulled out the tiny foil packet and fiddled with it, looking at the number 10 boldly printed on the outside. It held a promise, and she was about to make use of it.
She was calm now, no longer trembling, no longer afraid or angry or hurt. She had a purpose, a clear destination, a well defined path, it would be okay. She didn’t think they’d be reunited, that was a happy ending and she didn’t believe in those anymore… but at least this would stop… at least the echoing emptiness inside her would be silenced.
With deliberate movements, she opened the packet, baring the razor sharp blade within. She couldn’t help marveling at it’s simplicity, and it’s pure form and purpose. It was so clearly defined, so easily used, so perfectly designed. It calmed her, comforted her as nothing else had been able to do so far. It was what she needed, she knew that.
Without thought or hesitation she drew it down her arm, barely feeling the skin part and spill her precious life’s blood. She’d been careful, and hadn’t touched the tendons. She knew about that, about how it made it impossible to slice the next wrist and she didn’t want any excuses. This was her decision and nothing was going to stop her. Quickly, before she lost her nerve and her fingers went numb from blood loss she finished her task with another long gash on her other arm. She didn’t even cry out.
They ached dully, she could feel each pulse of her heart pushing the crimson flow out of her. Already she was light headed, dizzy, feeling the world slip away. She felt herself slide to the side, her head resting on the tray Tara lay upon, holding herself up as her life dripped away.
It was okay… this was what… she wanted… it would … be okay… nothing was… was… going to…