Conversation with a Dead Person

Title: Conversation with a Dead Person
Author: AddictedtoBuffy
Beta: Big thanks goes out to my fantastic Beta Bubbysbub.
Rating: R
Summary: Set in the season seven Buffy ep Conversations with Dead People. I read somewhere that initially Joss wa thinking of bringing Jesse back for Conversations with Dead People to talk to Xander instead of the Willow Cassie scene. This is my take on what would of happened
Distrubution: All my fics can be found at ForeverFandom, Slashaholics Island and AdultFanFiction
Feedback: Yes please I always crave it and criticism is appreciated.
A/N: Thankyou to Buffyworld for song lyrics and transcript of Conversations with Dead People


Conversation with a Dead Person

/Night falls.../

The town on the hellmouth is mostly quiet, which is odd for this time of night; usually the silence should be interrupted by the occasional scream of those silly enough to be wandering around in the middle of the night.

/I fall. And where were you?/

In the Bronze, a singer wows the audience living and unliving alike with her haunting tune and vocals.

/And where were you? Warm skin,/

The cemetery is empty, apart from the reigning slayer and the occasional stupid fledge who thinks that they will find prey in a cemetery.

/wolf grin, and where were you?/

In the main street the only people are moving in and out of the cinema and the Espresso Pump.

/I fell into the moon and it covered you in blue./

The alleys that Sunnydale seems rife with are empty except for the light of the moon.

/I fell into the moon /

In Willy’s bar you can find a couple of demons who are quietly nursing their drinks in the shadows.

/Can I make it right?/

However these demons are more likely the ‘settle down and raise their hellspawn’ type rather than the ‘rend every human from limb to limb’ type.

/Can I spend the night?/

Over at the university nobody is around and even the library is quiet which is odd for how close the finals are.

/High tide inside./

The few people who are in the library are fighting tiredness, including one red haired witch.

/The air is dew and where were you? While I/

Over at the high school the only figures about are two nerds breaking in to the school, and by the end of the night only one of them will be coming out.

/I died and where were you? /

Nearby at the site of the new Sunnydale library the construction site seems deserted.

/I crawled out of the world and you said I shouldn't stay./

However in one of the portables, a lonely light shines out.

/I crawled out of the world. Can I make it right?/

Inside the portable, a dark head bends studiously over some boring paperwork.

/Can I spend the night? Alone./

*****

Xander’s POV

I fill in the last form relieved that I’ve finally finished the paperwork for this week. It’s quite late and I’m the only one left on the entire site of the new Sunnydale library. Sometimes I miss being out building things myself. But then I think back to High School and how if someone had suggested I would some day be head of a building crew, I would have laughed at them. Besides I still build things; every time some beastie smashes up the Summer’s home. I look up and jump in surprise. Shit, I really am tired, I’m seeing things.

“Now is that anyway to greet an old lover?” asks the spectre in front of me.

“J…J…Jesse?” I stutter out. What the herjeebies?

“Yeah, Xan, it’s me, vampire free.”

“Jesse?” Yes I know I’m repeating myself, but my brain seems to have frozen. Jesse is standing before me and he looks exactly like he did before I vampi-fied him.

“I thought we’d already covered this. Me Jesse, you Xander. Come on Xan, snap out of it. I don’t have much time and what I have to say is important.” He steps closer and I reach out to touch him but my hand goes straight through him. I don’t feel anything and I quickly whip my hand back confused.

“What?” He sighs in exasperation before continuing.

“I’m a ghost. You can’t touch me, it doesn’t matter how much you want too.”

“You’re really here, I’m not hallucinating?”

“No Xander, you’re not hallucinating. After everything you’ve seen on the hellmouth, is it really that hard to conceive that I’m actually here?” It finally sinks in; I’m looking at Jesse, my first lover, the guy I ended up staking, the first vampire I dusted.

“God, it really is you, why are you here, why now?” I ask.

“They let me come, to warn you. There’s a big storm coming and you’re about to be swallowed by it.”

“We’ll get through it, we always do.”

“No Xan, aren’t ya listening to me? This time you won’t prevail, that’s why I’m here, to warn you. Unless something changes, Xander, this time you’re going to fail.” I stare at him in shock and horror. No, the only way we would fail is if we all… Oh God we’re all going to die. No that can’t be, there has to be a way. Wait a minute; Jesse wouldn’t be here if it were definite.

“Jesse-man. How? There’s gotta be a way? What happens?”

“It’s you Xan. It’s funny, I’ve watched you grow up the last few years, but some things never change. As much as you try to help, you still end up screwing things up. Buffy ends up needing to rescue you or you let her down in some way. Your clumsiness is going to get you all killed.” What? That isn’t true, how can Jesse say that?

“No, I don’t screw up that much. Not when it’s about peoples lives. I love them.”

“Like you loved me? Or was that just a lie to get in my pants?”

“Jesse, no! I loved you.”

“Right, and that’s why you cheated on my memory with all those women. Why you almost got married last year?”

“No J, I loved you, I still love you, but you were gone. I thought you would have wanted me to move on, try and find some happiness.”

“What I wanted was for my lover not to kill me.”

“I…I didn’t. It was the demon, I couldn’t save you, it was running around with your face, but it wasn’t you.”

“Oh come on, we both know you don’t believe that bull. You weren’t going to stake me, it was an accident wasn’t it? You screwed up again, or maybe it was an unconscious desire.” What is he implying? I am so confused.

“No, I never wanted you dead.” I plead.

“Not dead. I did you, remember, but I was too scared for you to do me. Maybe you were fed up with waiting. I mean if you can’t shove your cock up my ass, then the next best thing is shoving a phallic shaped object through my heart.” How could he say that? Has he really thought that all this time? I never had a problem with waiting for him to be ready. Through our relationship I realised that I like being the bottom. I can remember the night of the Harvest in the Bronze. It happened so fast. One minute he was there, the next gone. I had the stake in my hand poised at his chest and then he was pushed and I… Oh God, I killed him. My clumsiness killed him. I’m going to kill them all. I feel tears flow down my cheeks.

“No, no, this can’t happen. Jesse, help, there’s got to be a way. I know I’ll leave, I’ll go tonight.”

“No baby, it won’t work. You’ll feel guilty and you’ll end up coming back. You’re the White Knight; you can’t not fight the good fight.”

“No, this can’t be happening there has to be a way. Jesse, please, it’s Willow, I can’t hurt her, I can’t kill them all.” This is my worst nightmare, there has to be some way around this, I’d do anything for them not to die.

“There is a way. There is one thing you could do to stop it.” There is, yes! I would do anything to stop from hurting Willow.

“What? Anything.” I am so relieved; I knew Jesse would help me find a way around this.

“And you could be with me, be able to touch me again.”

“Jesse,” I reply softly thinking about how much I have missed him all this time.

“That's what you want, isn't it?” He asks.

“Of course. Please don’t doubt that I feel anything less than love for you. I’ve often wondered what it would be like if you were still around.”

“So go. Be with me, permanently. Everybody will be safe, and we'll be together again. It's not that bad. Really. It's just like going to sleep.” Wait a minute what is he suggesting, that I kill myself? I stand up suddenly, the Jesse I knew and still love would never suggest that. I’ve been played, this thing in front of me is not Jesse; maybe it’s the ghost of the vampire that took over his body.

“Who are you?” I ask coldly.

“Suicide thing was too far, huh? Hmm. You seemed so ripe.”

“Tell me who you are.” Who would be so cold as to appear to me in the guise of my dead lover? The fake Jesse leans forward before speaking again.

“I stand by my opinion. The world would be a better place if you took glass from a broken beer bottle to your wrists.”

“Stop,” I plead, I don’t want to hear this.

“I can see it now. Patsy Cline playing, you propped up in bed with empty beer bottles strewn across the floor, your old diary full of your confessions about Jesse on your bloody lap.”

“Stop it!” I demand, how does this thing know so much about me?

“Oh, baby, I can’t live with what I truly am. A faggot. Lying all this time, it hurts so bad.” He mocks. “You don't know hurt. This last year's gonna seem like cake after what I put you and your friends through, and I am not a fan of easy death. Fact is, the whole good-versus-evil, balancing the scales thing, I'm over it. I'm done with the mortal coil. But believe me; I'm going for a big finish.”

I finally get it; I know what I am facing.

“From beneath you, it devours,” I quote.

“Oh, not it. Me.” Jesse starts grinning wickedly, and if I was in any doubt about whether this thing was Jesse, I now know for certain. Jesse has never worn an expression like that. I watch in horror as his skin starts to roll back and then his jaw flips back and he is turning inside out until he’s a floating ball of flesh that is beyond gross, but I am still compelled to watch. Suddenly, poof, it disappears, and I am left standing in the middle of my empty office.

*****

/I fell into the moon and it covered you in blue./

The young man falls to the floor behind his desk and hugs himself close.

/I fell into the moon./

No matter how many times he tells himself that it was a trick, he still feels awful. Maybe its time that he came out in the open, but he needs time to think by himself before he sees his friends again.

/Can I make it right? Can I spend the night? Alone./

THE END