Bedtime Stories

Xander slid his fingers over the yellowed page. The warm grass underneath him and the sun warming his head and shoulders lent to the peaceful atmosphere. He grinned as he focused on the book in front of him, remembering the first time he had heard this story, nearly thirty years earlier.

*****************

"Giles?" Xander glanced over at the couch, where his lover sat, comfortably ensconced with cup of tea and book. "Giles?" He frowned as his calling elicited no answer. "Hey! Earth to Giles!"

"Hmm?" Giles looked up and blinked. "Sorry, love, I got a bit caught up."

Xander accepted the apology, or started to until he noticed Giles's gaze start heading back down to the book on his lap. Frustration spilled over into anger.

"You know what? Nevermind." Xander picked up his beer bottle and turned to leave the room.

"Xander?" Giles's confused concern stopped him.

"I'm going out to the shed. I gotta work on that crib for Willow and Kennedy."

"Oh, all right then." When Xander glanced back, Giles's attention had already returned to the book. He frowned and bit back the hurt underneath the anger as he tossed the empty bottle into the recycling bin with a loud clatter. He pulled open the back door with more force than necessary and didn't bother to keep it from slamming shut as he stalked out to the detached shed that held his workshop.

The workshop was his space as much as the library was Giles's space in the house they shared in London. Months of dancing around one another post-Sunnydale and even more months of separation while Xander participated in every off-continent assignment he could get had finally culminated in mutual admissions of want that had evolved rapidly from over-night visits to buying a small house outside London together with funds from the Council coffers. Feeling the way he did currently, Xander was once again grateful that he had the workshop as a place to escape and funnel his emotion into physical exertion.

Two hours later, he had pounded, sawed, and sanded some of the pain-filled thoughts into the half-finished crib that sat on his workshop table. He stared at the bright pine pieces, trying to decide if he would rather keep at the project or try and fail to pull Giles's attention from that all-important book.

"Am I interrupting?" The soft inquiry pulled Xander from his depressed ruminations.

"No. I'm pretty much done for the night." Xander responded shortly. He turned and accepted the bottle of water that Giles held out to him, nodding his thanks without meeting his lovers' eyes. He took a long sip before he began shoving tools back into their places in the workbench. "I'll be in in a minute."

"Good. I've missed you."

Xander stiffened under the soft kiss Giles placed on the back of his neck. He stepped back, suddenly needing to get away from the attention he had wanted to elicit before stomping out to the workshop to sulk. Not that he was admitting to sulking. Nope. Not in this lifetime.

"I'm gonna take a shower. Sweat and sawdust, ya know, not exactly what they're recommending as the primo skin care combination these days." He gave a weak attempt at a grin before flipping off the lights to the workshop and holding the door open for Giles to pass through before Xander locked up for the night.

"Perhaps not, but it does give you an enticing smell." Giles smiled at him and cupped Xander's cheek as he leaned in for a kiss.

"Don't." Xander whispered tightly, and suddenly all the hurt and anger that he had tried so hard to sweat out through the woodworking came back in full force. He managed not to step back, but he couldn't let Giles kiss him right now, either.

"Love?" Giles pulled back but didn't remove his hand from Xander's face.

"I gotta take a shower." Xander turned and walked quickly into the house, hoping Giles would remember to lock the shed before following him in. He didn't doubt that Giles would follow him, but he needed some space to pull himself together. The more upset he got, the stupider he felt about the whole thing, and he really didn't want to face Giles's concern for him right now.

Xander managed to get undressed and into the shower before he heard the door to the bathroom open. He focused on scrubbing off all of the sawdust as quickly as possible, and in his hurry, he managed to knock the shampoo bottle over with his elbow.

"I won't assume that I'm welcome in there with you," Giles began. "So you needn't rush."

Under the beating water, Xander stilled. His heart ached for his lover, and he knew that he had managed to make Giles sound so cautious. Fuck, he was such a screw up. He reached out to turn off the water and leaned against the cool tile.

"Xander? Talk to me?"

The gentle invitation brought tears to Xander's eye, and he wasn't sure whether to laugh at himself or berate himself for letting something so small get them to this point. He ran his hands through his hair and recognized that while he didn't exactly feel able to talk, he wanted to be held by and hold his lover.

"Take a bath with me." Xander spoke quietly, not trusting his voice above a whisper. He heard Giles give a sigh of relief, and he could sense the smile in his lover's voice in the equally quiet reply.

"Of course."

For long moments, the only sound came from the water rushing into the large claw-foot tub next to the shower. Xander clenched and unclenched his fists as he reminded himself over and over again that he was being stupid and petty and need to get over himself. Determinedly, he pushed back the shower curtain.

Giles leaned over the edge of the bath, stripped to his boxers with his head bowed and one hand trailing through the rapidly rising water. Guilt tugged at Xander once again for causing this awkwardness between them. He resolved to find a way past it, and he stepped from the shower stall. He steadied himself with one hand on Giles's shoulder as he stepped into the bath. Once he settled, he slid his hand down Giles's arm to entangle their fingers.

"C'mon." Xander gave a gentle tug. Giles responded with a small smile before stripping off his boxers. Xander slid forward in the tub to allow Giles to climb in behind him. As Giles settled, Xander leaned forward to turn off the tap. He leaned back, feeling the gentle rise and fall of the strong chest behind him as arms wrapped around him.

"Sorry. I don't mean to be such a dick." Xander offered as he ran his fingers over the short hairs of the arms that encircled him. Giles held him closer in response.

"I'm not concerned about you being, as you say, a dick. But I would like to know what you're thinking."

"Just being stupid. Stupid Xander, capable of being a total screw up in a single bound."

"Stop," Giles commanded. "We've discussed this before, and you're not stupid. So tell me what it is that has you so upset. Please, love."

"Okay, but I reserve the right to claim the title of stupid screw-up." He closed his eye and concentrated on the feel of Giles around him. This was the attention he had wanted earlier, and he hated the nagging feeling that he risked losing it when he admitted to how pathetic he was being.

"Well, why don't we set that judgment aside for the moment, hmm?" Giles placed a gentle kiss on Xander's neck.

"Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure that being jealous of a book falls pretty clearly under the stupid category."

"You're jealous of a book?"

Xander wanted to laugh at the confusion in Giles's voice, but embarrassment had him flushing instead.

"Um, yeah?"

"Any particular book?"

Xander shrugged. "Pretty much whichever one you're reading when I try to get your attention."

"Xander," Giles began.

"No. Look, I know it's stupid, okay? I know that a lot of being a Watcher is about the reading of books since that's where the prophecies live and the much needed info on killing the monster of the week. And it's not like I haven't always known that you were serious book-guy what with all those book shelves I built. So it's dumb to be all jealous over...books...getting more of your attention....than I do." Xander stuttered out his admission.

"I had no idea you felt that way," Giles spoke after a long moment of silence.

"Yeah, so, stupid, right? It's not like I'm exactly the poster boy for RIF. I know that the whole book thing is just part of who you are. And it's not really a part we can exactly share."

"RIF?"

"Reading is Fundamental. It was this big campaign thing for kids reading. They used to show the commercials during Saturday morning cartoons."

"Ah." Giles slid his hands comfortingly up and down Xander's arms.

"It's not like I want you to stop reading or be somebody else." Xander began to panic at Giles's lack of response. "I love you. You know that, right?"

"Yes, I do know that. And I love you." Giles stretched forward to kiss Xander, slowing the frantic meeting of lips into a deeper, slower embrace before pulling back to continue. "You don't have to be a poster boy for reading, love, or even to enjoy it. Not everyone does."

"I know."

"Do you? Or are you still telling yourself that you're being stupid for wanting your lover to be considerate enough to notice when you're talking to him? No, your turn to hush," Giles placed a finger over Xander's lips when he made to speak. "I am sorry, love. I have spent so many years with little other than books to keep me company. I know that I tend to get lost in the reading, and I don't want to do that to you. The books can wait."

"Unless the world is about to end and we need to find a way to stop it." Xander began to relax as Giles spoke, no longer feeling quite so ridiculous for his earlier reaction, although he resolved not to take the pleasures of reading away from Giles.

"Condition noted. Now, let's finish up in here."

They washed leisurely, enjoying the play of flesh on flesh in the warm soapy water. Clean and dried, they returned to the bedroom. Xander crawled into bed, watching guardedly as Giles stood in front of the bookshelf, telling himself firmly that he would not say anything if Giles wanted to read for a bit before sleep. He schooled his face not to show any dismay as Giles selected a book and climbed into bed.

"Come here," Giles invited before Xander could complete his shift away. As Giles reclined on pillows against the headboard, Xander slid over to rest against him, placing his head on his lover's chest, reminding himself once again not to say anything about the book in Giles's hand. "How long has it been since you've been read a bedtime story?"

"Huh?" Incredulity laced Xander's voice as he began to turn to look at Giles. Gentle hands stroking over his head and neck encouraged him to stay put. "You want to read me a bedtime story?"

"Yes," Giles kissed the top of Xander's head as he continued. "Unless you have some objection?"

"Uh, no, not really, I guess."

"All right then, love." Giles continued his caresses as he began reading. "'On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays it was Court Hand and Summulae Logicales, while the rest of the week it was the Organon, Repetition and Astrology. The governess as always getting muddled with her astrolabe, and when she got specially muddled she would take it out of the Wart by rapping his knuckles.'"

Xander snuggled closer and let the warm voice surround him as he listened without a shred of jealously for the book that had joined them in bed.

*****************

"Somehow you managed to turn me into a reader," he admitted. "Not that I was ever gonna tell you that. But it was probably pretty obvious from the books I brought home so I could take turns reading to you."

Xander reached out to stroke his fingers over the sun-warmed marble, tracing the name engraved into the headstone. "Guess it will always be my turn to read now, baby." Tears clogged his throat, and he coughed to clear it before continuing. "So I figured I'd start with this one...'cause you did...and I always trusted you to know...what I...we...needed." He bowed his head and wiped away a tear that had fallen on the open book. He took a deep breath and began reading, "'On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays it was Court hand and Summulae Logicales...'"

Fin


Note: Quotes from T.H. White's The Once and Future King.