Kindness, Love, and Acceptance

Title: Kindness, Love, and Acceptance
Pairing: X/C, X/S, X/S/C
Rating: NC17
Summary: After fleeing Sunnydale in heartbreak, Xander meets Connor in LA.
Disclaimer: Not mine, never were, more is the pity.
Distribution: I never say no. I'm easy that way ;-p
A/N: A big thank you to my wonderful beta Alex.
A/N 2: Some spoilers for season 7 of Buffy and season 4 of Angel.

Part 1


"Stupid vampire, fucks me over again." The slurred words coming from the corner booth at the back of the bar drew Connor’s attention. He was in a truly foul mood and looking for something to beat the hell out of. If this man knew where there was a vampire, he wanted to know.

"Excuse me, did you say vampire?" Connor was stunned as the man lifted his head and looked at him; he hadn't seen such pain in someone's eyes since the last time he had looked in the mirror. He saw himself in the pain-filled gaze of the stranger in front of him.

"Yeah, why? Think they’re some myth, some fairytale creature that can't really hurt you?" The stranger snorted. "They're real, and they can hurt you without even touching you; they can tear out your heart with a look, with a word - a whispered name." The stranger fell silent and Connor took a seat across from him.

"I believe in vampires, I know demons are real, I kill them." He sipped on his cola and studied the man across from him. Afterlisilising he wasn't going to get anything else from this man without asking, he spoke up. "So where is this vampire? I will kill him for you."

The stranger lifted his head from his study of the filthy tabletop and really looked at the young man in front of him. There was something almost feral in the way he looked, wild - animalistic. Not a bad look for him actually. He struck out his hand and waited ‘til the other man clasped it. "Xander Harris."

Connor shook his hand in return. "Connor. I don't exactly have a last name. I was raised by a madman in a hell dimension." He smiled when the older man - Xander - choked on his drink and his eyes bugged out.

"I can see why you'd believe in demons then, and why you hunt them. I used to do that too, well sort of. I helped the slayer, do you know about slayers?" Connor nodded, he had been told about slayers by both Angel and Wesley. They were like him, human but stronger than normal. He wanted to meet one ever since hearing about them.

Xander was feeling the effects of the alcohol he had been steadily ingesting for the last several hours. He had gotten into L.A. about ten o'clock that morning, and after finding a hotel had proceeded to this bar and started drinking. He just wanted to forget. Forget everything, everyone, just forget.

The first evil had been banished. Buffy and Principal Wood were a couple, a good couple. Willow had Kennedy, Dawn was crushing on Andrew, God only knew why; Anya had gone to England with Giles, so that left him and Spike. It figured that they would end up together, the two losers.

So when had everything gone sour? That would have been when Spike whispered Angel’s name while they were making love. At least Xander thought that was what they were doing, obviously he was wrong. Once again, he was just a tool for someone else to get his rocks off. Once again, Angel comes between him and the one he wants.

"Fucking vampire, oughtta kill him, shove a stake so far up his ass he tastes his own dust in his mouth before he dies. Hate him, fucking hate him." Xander slugged back the rest of his drink, ignoring - for the moment - the young man across from him.

It sounded to Connor like this man knew the vampire in question, like perhaps they had history, like himself and his father. His father who was in love with Cordelia, the woman he slept with, the woman he gave his heart to. The woman who used him and discarded him in favour of his father. He hated him.

"Vampires, huh! Untrustworthy, deceitful... he says he loves me, then he takes her from me. He says he's different, not like others. Liar. He's exactly the same, a monster. A monster who deserves to die." Connor finished his drink, wishing for a moment that it was something stronger than cola.

"So, Xander. The name of this vampire?" Connor was looking forward to staking him; he could pretend it was Angel and take out his frustrations. When he heard his father’s name on the man's lips, he crushed the empty glass in his hand.

"Angel? You know him? How?" Xander looked up and met Connor’s eyes. "The bastard ruined my life. Constantly. How about you? You know him too, don't you? What did he do to you?"

Connor grimaced and picked a shard of glass out of his hand before answering. "Cursed me with this existence, allowed a madman to escape with me into a hell dimension, took the only woman I loved from me. Some father, huh?"

This time it was Xander who broke glass, not by crushing it but by allowing it to drop from his suddenly slack fingers. "Father? You mean... how?" Connor snorted. "Prophecy, you probably know my mother as well, although she's dust now. Darla, ring any bells?"

Xander's head was spinning. Darla, Angel, prophecies, Connor. Him, Spike, loss, betrayal. It was all too much; he couldn't take it. If he didn't get out of there right now he was going to go insane. "I gotta get some air, you wanna take a walk? We'll trade 'I hate Angel' stories or something."

Connor nodded and the two men walked out of the bar and into the night.

~!~

"So, Angel is your Dad, that has to suck." Xander was weaving his way down the sidewalk toward his hotel, Connor beside him. He couldn't imagine having Angel as a father, not that his own was any great role model, but a vampire? Deadboy? Uh uh.

"It does. I was raised by a man named Holtz; he took me from Angelus when I was an infant, to replace the family the demon destroyed. He was a good father, he loved me. He was just crazy with grief and revenge. We found a way back here two years ago; Holtz is dead now." Connor wasn't sure why he was telling this stranger his life story except that he felt he could trust him.

"My father - Angel - has been trying to convince me that he is not the same man who destroyed Holtz's family, that having his soul makes him different, better. At one point I almost believed him. Then he took her from me." Connor stopped when he realised that they were at Xander's hotel. "I should go."

Xander wanted to hear more about this; he was fascinated with Connor’s story. He took a chance and invited Connor up to his room to talk. He smiled when Connor nodded and followed him into the lobby. The elevator ride was made in silence, but once they were inside the room, Xander asked the question that had been bugging him for a while now. "So who was she, the girl Angel stole from you?"

Connor's eyes darkened with rage as he remembered what had happened. It had been a tough battle, the beast had been brought down by Angelus and he was at the hotel looking after Cordelia. The others were celebrating the victory, when it happened.

Cordelia had come into the room and smiled at him, she showed him her swollen abdomen and told him he was going to be a father. Then she laid him gently on the bed and kissed him. They had made love again, this time without the threat of the world coming to an end. Afterwards she had left him; he woke up alone. He searched the hotel for her but she wasn't there. He went out into the city to find her but she wasn't in any of the places he knew to look for her.

When he returned to the Hyperion, Cordelia was asleep in her room. He had sat by her bed watching her sleep. He was awed by the changes in her body in just a few hours, she was bigger, more swollen in the belly and breasts. Connor had little experience with this sort of thing but he knew it wasn't normal. Then again, he had been born of two vampires and Cordy was a demon of a sort. Perhaps this wasn't so abnormal after all.

It was early morning when he had been awakened by the cries of his beloved. Cordelia was moaning and gasping in pain, her eyes were pure white and blood was staining the sheet beneath her. Connor tried to leave, to get the others to help but she stopped him. She told him what to do and he helped her to bring their child into the world.

He remembered the way she smiled at him, and kissed his cheek. How she made him promise to always keep their child safe. Then she closed her eyes and died. There was a blinding light and then Angel appeared in the middle of the room and fell to the floor. He was confused, disorientated. Connor grabbed his child and fled out the window, he would not allow the demon to take his son.

It had taken two weeks for them to find him, he was good at hiding, he grew up in a hell dimension after all. They cornered him, Angel, Gunn, Wesley, and Fred. He refused to give up without a fight, even after he had learned that Angel had his soul again. He remembered that Cordy had made him promise to keep their son safe and away from Angel.

Then he had seen her, she stepped out from behind his father, Cordelia. She smiled at him so sadly that it broke his heart. When she held out her hand to him he broke down and cried. She held him and told him everything would be all right. It wasn't and it never would be. She wasn't his, she never had been. With her demon power she made him aware of everything at once, how it hadn't been her but an imposter who had taken her form, how it was the beast’s master who had seduced him, and borne his child. That the child itself was prophesied to end the world and had to be destroyed.

She had taken the child from his arms and handed it over to the others. Wesley performed a ritual to show the inherit evil that lived within the innocent looking baby. Angel grimaced but did what he had to; he killed the child and saved the world. Connor howled in grief and rage, he tore away from Cordelia and attacked Angel. They fought. Connor threw everything he had at his father, all his pain and frustration, every ounce of hurt and grief.

In the end, it wasn't enough. Angel held him down and made him listen, made him face the truth, that he had been used, had played out his destiny as the destroyer. That it was over now, and he could come home. That they were family, that he loved him.

Connor took one look at Cordelia, saw the way she looked at Angel and fled. She wasn't his, never had been. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that a demon, a spawn of hell, got to have a better life than he did. Angel had everything Connor wanted, a family, a purpose, a mission, Cordelia, a child. Even if he did hate him, he was still Angel’s child. Angel had destroyed his, just taken his son from him and destroyed him. He would never forgive that.

~!~