Finding Faith

Chapter 1: No Regrets

“Yeah Buffy, what are we gonna do now?” Dawn asked.

A half-smile formed on Buffy's lips, and she imagined all the possibilities.

Buffy already knew that she couldn't stop fighting the good fight, even if she wasn't the one and only anymore; she hadn't been the one and only for years now. Last time she'd thought about quitting was when Faith had first shown up, during the crucimentium, when she'd lost her powers. Even then, she knew she couldn't forget what she had seen; she would always fight in the battle against the big bad.

“We head to L.A. and regroup at Angel's.”

The gang nodded, feeling better now that they knew where they were headed.

“At some point, we'll need to check into the Hell mouth in Cleavland,” Giles began.

Faith's glare cut him off. “I'm warning you, G-man.”

“You've still got my vote,” Willow said, amused she agreed with Faith. The two women shared a smile, thinking how far they'd come since they first met four years previous.

The group stood at the edge of the crater that used to be Sunnydale staring at the hellhole that they used to call home for another moment.

“Are we going?” Andrew whined, breaking the scoobies out of their reverie.

The happy group broke up with sighs and grumbles. “Yes, Andrew, we'll be leaving now,” Giles said, ushering the group back on the bus.

Six surviving potentials – slayers now – Giles, Xander, Willow, Dawn and Andrew joined Robin on the bus while Faith and Buffy took one last look at the crater.

“We did it, B. We stopped the apocalypse.”

“Again,” Buffy said, unable to stop grinning.

The chosen two slapped hands and turned toward the bus.

“Alright, everyone!” Buffy exclaimed, climbing on board, “Time to hit the road. Next stop: Angel's. From there, we'll make sure everyone gets the necessary medical attention.” Spying the redheaded witch, Buffy addressed her friend, “Willow, you and Kennedy help Vi make sure that everyone's injuries are attended to; most serious first. I don't want anyone dying on the way to Los Angeles.”

Willow nodded, accepting Buffy's leadership again.

Buffy headed for the back of the bus, followed closely behind by Faith. As she approached the back of the bus, Buffy clutched her side where the sword had run through.

“You okay, B?” Faith asked, concerned for her sister slayer. The bus started, and Faith caught Buffy as she lost her balance. Faith glanced up toward the front to see who was driving, and discovered Giles responsible for Buffy's near fall.

“Five by Five, Faith,” Buffy replied with a grimace.

“Sit down, B,” Faith ordered, helping Buffy balance on the seat. “Let me see your wound.”

Buffy glared at the brunette. “I'm fine.”

“I know what it means when I say 'Five by Five', B; just let me take a look.”

Buffy let out a sigh. “Alright,” she conceded, allowing the other slayer to pull up her shirt. “See? Nothing big. It's already stopped bleeding. Slayer healing and all.”

“Slayer healing won't do much against an infection. Let's wash that out.” Faith retrieved a bottle of alcohol from the front of the bus. Returning to Buffy's side, she doused the slayer's wounds with the alcohol.

Buffy hissed sharply at the stinging. “Doesn't hurt, I swear.” She grunted through clenched teeth.

“Sure, B,” Faith smirked. Standing, she tore a strip from the bottom of her shirt. Splashing it with alcohol, she squatted in front of Buffy and used it to dab at the remaining blood on Buffy's abdomen.

Buffy let out a little scream, and Faith grinned. “Yeah, I thought so.”

Buffy's only response was a glare at Faith. She was too busy gritting her teeth through the pain. “Remind me to hit you later,” she managed to growl out.

“Promises, promises, Blondie.” Faith grinned at her sister slayer. Assured Buffy would be okay, Faith relaxed, moving to sit on the chair across the aisle from her sister slayer.

Buffy leaned her head back on the seat, and closed her eyes. “Oh no, you don't,” Faith said, still wary after her near miss with Robin earlier. “You're not passing out on me now, B.”

“No passing out,” Buffy agreed breathlessly. “Just long awaited rest.” Her eyes remained closed and her breathing steadied out.

Faith watched Buffy, knowing how tired she was from the battle with the first. She reached out, smoothing Buffy's blond hair. Buffy didn't stir, finally able to rest. Faith stayed in her seat to watch over Buffy. She popped out a cigarette from its case, and snapped her lighter open. Glancing once more, Faith settled into her seat, and tried to get comfortable. She lit the cigarette hanging from the corner of her mouth, and replaced the lighter in her pocket.

She shifted in the seat, finally finding comfort in leaning against the window and stretching her legs out on the seat. This allowed her to watch Buffy sleep and flick her cigarette out the window.

A half hour passed this way: Faith lost in thought, Buffy lost in dreamland. Faith was about to light up her second cigarette when Buffy startled awake. “Where are we?” she mumbled, still half asleep.

“Damned if I know, B,” Faith responded to her question.

Obviously Buffy hadn't been expecting an answer, and she jumped when she heard Faith's voice. “Faith. What are you doing here?”

Faith chuckled and raised an eye brow. “Haven't moved since you passed out on me about half an hour ago, B.”

Buffy let out a breath. “I know; that's what I meant. How come you haven't joined the rest of the crew up there?” Buffy pointed toward the front of the bus where Vi was tending to Robin's wounds, and Willow and Kennedy were helping with the injured potentials – slayers, now.

Faith shook her head. “You know me, I'm not much for the giggling girls. Even after the battle, they're still a bit much to handle. Besides, we haven't spent much time together since I returned, and I figured now was my chance.”

Buffy raised her eye brows, surprised that Faith would choose to spend time with her – they had never exactly been the best of buds. “Why'd you wanna spend time with me?” she asked cautiously.

“Aw, c'mon, B. What's so hard to believe that I'd want to spend a half hour with you rather than them?”

“Robin's up there. He could use you right about now.”

Faith shrugged. “It's not like I can do much for him; Vi's got it under control.”

“You could be there for him,” Buffy told her.

“I wanted to be here for you.” Faith's statement wasn't intended as a dig at Buffy's past actions, but Buffy felt guilty none-the-less.

“Do you ever wonder if things would have turned out differently if we'd been there for you?” Buffy asked, needing to relieve her guilty conscience.

“I used to. All the time. I blamed you for a while, even before the coma. You had it all – an amazing mom, great friends, Giles – and you took it for granted. You were too busy obsessing over dead boy to realize how lucky you were. I wanted to have what you had so badly; I would have settled for some attention.”

“We tried—” Buffy started, but Faith interrupted her.

“Barely. Red was jealous of our connection, Xander couldn't form a complete sentence around me, and Giles was always your watcher first.” Faith shrugged. “And you were... you. Always wrapped up in everything Buffy, never really concerned about anyone else. You never asked where my family was, or how I was supporting myself. Hell, you didn't even ask what my last name was.”

As Faith pointed out these short comings, Buffy's shoulders sank. She knew what Faith was telling her was true; as much as she might wish otherwise, she'd been too wrapped up in her own drama to hear Faith's cry for help.

“It's okay, though.” Faith shrugged, still hiding behind a wall of indifference and toughness. “After I killed Finch, I went to a very dark place. I don't think you would have been able to help me back from there, even if you had cared. Angel might have been able to help if Wesley hadn't interfered. But he did, and I found the love I'd been seeking from you and the gang.”

Buffy raised her head to look into Faith's eyes when she said love. She hadn't realized how lonely Faith had been when she'd arrived in Sunnydale – between being in the midst of her own crisis and Faith's tough outer shell, Buffy remained oblivious.

“The boss gave me what I'd always wanted from you: true affection.” Faith raised a hand and laughed cynically. “I know, I know – you're gonna tell me the mayor was evil. And I get that now, he wasn't the good guy he seemed to be. But he loved me, like no one else had every loved me. Certainly not my mother, and not you either. For all his failings, the boss really cared about me.”

“I know.” Buffy's admission stopped Faith's monologue. At her look of confusion, Buffy explained. “You told me in a slayer dream that his human weaknesses wouldn't disappear once he became a demon, and I used his affection for you to lure him into our trap. It wouldn't have worked if he hadn't really cared for you.”

Thinking about the boss and the good times she'd had working for him, Faith felt a tear forming in her eye. She looked out the window, unwilling to share this moment with Buffy. She wiped it from her eye, adjusting her hair at the same time to hide her reaction from her sister slayer.

Buffy noticed Faith's silence, and asked “You okay, Faith?”

“Sure, B. Five by five.” Having recovered her composure, Faith looked back to Buffy.

Buffy knew that statement often meant she was anything but fine, but she let it slip. Obviously Faith wasn't ready to talk to her about that yet, so perhaps a return to a safer topic was in need. “You gonna continue your story?” Buffy asked, avoiding the topic altogether.

“Being in a coma for eight months certainly gave me a lot of thinking time. Most of that was dreams, but it certainly allowed me to think about what was important in life, since I certainly wasn't living mine at the time. When I woke up, I was filled with confusion. It quickly changed into anger toward you; it's so easy for me to be angry with you, B.” Faith shook her head. “But Angel helped me realize it wasn't your fault; I made a choice. I made the wrong choice, but it was my choice.

“And if I hadn't spent three years in the joint, I might not be able to take responsibility for my actions. Four years ago, when I dumped the body, I was running scared. My defense mechanism was to shut down, emotionally. I needed not to care to survive. It was the only way I knew how.”

Buffy listened to the other slayer's story, watching Faith's emotions play out on her expressive face. Her heart truly felt for the younger woman.

“I went to prison because of you, you know.” At Faith's words, Buffy tried to deny it, but Faith waved her excuses off with her hand. “It's true. You told me you'd beat me into a bloody pulp if I tried to apologize again, and that I should turn myself in. So I did – and got 25 to life for murder 2. I got myself a plea bargain – with two men killed, I should have had murder 1 and manslaughter – we both know I didn't mean to kill Finch – but that blond detective convinced the DA to cut me a break. Otherwise, a new slayer might have been called.”

The chosen two had been through so much together, neither wanted to consider that thought. They fell into a comfortable silence; the noise from the front of the bus fading into the background.

“I don't regret it though.” Buffy's eyebrows raised at Faith's words. “Spending my time in the joint,” Faith explained. “It wasn't fun, it wasn't great, but three square meals, a gym better than any I've seen before, and a chance to meditate on who I'd become was not the worst way my life could have turned out. You know what I realized in the joint?” Faith barely noticed Buffy shaking her head. “I didn't like who I'd become. I didn't want to be a murderer; I just wanted to be somebody.”

“For a while, I thought you wanted to be me,” Buffy said, jokingly remembering her 'single white female'd' comment regarding Faith.

“More than anything, I did,” Faith revealed. She ducked her head, unaccustomed to sharing so much with someone else, especially with B.

For everything you might say about the blond slayer, oblivious to others' needs was certainly one of the more accurate ones. Whether it was by nature – she was once a cheerleader, after all – or by choice didn't change the fact that in the world according to Buffy, the world was concerned entirely with Buffy. Buffy's shock at Faith's confession revealed that; to anyone else, it would have been obvious. Buffy was finally starting to realize how badly she and the scoobies had messed up back when Faith first rolled into town.

“I'm sorry,” Buffy reached out and placed her hand on Faith's thigh. “I had no idea. I should have tried harder.”

Faith looked into B's eyes, trying to figure out what game she was playing at. Seeing nothing but sincerity, Faith nodded. “No regrets, B. If everything hadn't gone down the way it had back then, I wouldn't be the me I am today – and while I hated who I'd become, I rather like who I am now.” She grinned at her sister slayer, her dimples showing themselves in all their glory.

B's hand remained on Faith's thigh, and Faith stared at it. She was very aware of how high up on her thigh it was, and she was surprised that Buffy hadn't moved it yet. She wished Buffy would move her hand up her thigh, but she knew the good slayer would never do that. Faith's thoughts tended toward the sexual even when there was no reason for them to be; the hand of the hot blond she'd been crushing on for years this high up on her thigh was certainly a big reason.

Buffy wasn't sure why there was suddenly tension between her and the other slayer, but she felt it in the air, so thick she would need a scythe to cut it. She glanced down at where her hand was still resting, and looked up into Faith's eyes. Buffy was surprised at how Faith's brown eyes had darkened with lust – was it lust for her? Or was she just suffering from the two h's after the huge battle with the first?

Before Buffy could find out, the bus came to a halt. “Alright, everybody, we're here,” she heard Giles call out.

“We're in L.A. already?” she asked, surprised at how quickly the ride had gone. She must have been out longer than she'd thought.

“Not only are we in L.A.,” Giles said, “we're at Angel's place. Let's go get our wounded tended to.”

Breaking Buffy's contact with her thigh, Faith stood and grinned her signature dimpled smirk. “We're not done yet, B. You and me are gonna have a wicked long talk later. For now, though, let's go say hi to Fang.”

With that, the dark slayer moved to the front of the bus, talking with the new slayers, checking on their conditions. She stopped when she reached Robin, and spoke briefly with both him and Vi. Buffy could only watch as Faith helped support Robin as he left the bus. She wasn't sure what was going to happen when she and Faith had that conversation, but she was nervously looking forward to it.

~~~
To be continued... With my new job, though, it will probably be quite a while before an update is posted. Comments will get a new story sooner. If you made it this far, thanks for reading my first chapter in what will be a relatively long fic, probably.