Cheese Does Not Wear Me

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Beta: Jessie, the wonderful! Without you my fic would wither and die.


~Cheese Does Not Wear Me~

Spike stormed into his crypt, fuming. Stupid fucking Slayer and her bloody band of misfits!, was just one of the many thoughts whirling around in his head. He couldn’t believe that she had managed to get the one doctor out of all the Initiative’s people that didn’t have an intense need to reap pain on those not lucky enough to be human.

He was angry enough to forget the fact that Harmony had been dense enough not to realize that the doctor hadn’t pulled the bloody piece of machinery from his head. He needed a good, hard shag and at the moment, Harmony was the only willing body within the vicinity.

Later, he fell into a fitful sleep.

~!~!~

Spike looked up at the sound of pounding on the door. He didn’t stand until the slayer stood before him. She was dressed more sluttish than usual in a slinky backless red top and leather pants, Mr. Pointy in hand.

When he finally stood, he stood slowly and with the animal grace that he had had when he had first met the slayer and before his diet had gone down the drain. His eyes took in the blonde’s stance and air of supremacy while his demon roared.

“I should kill you,” Buffy simpered.

Spike growled low in his throat, so low that he knew only another vampire would be able to hear it. “What’s stopping you?” he purred after he gained a smidgen of control.

“Nothing,” the slayer exclaimed as she lunged at him.

There was barely any scuffle before Spike had a hold of the wrist attached to the hand which held the stake. His other hand lay on the blonde’s hip in a vise grip, preventing the girl from moving away. They were so close that he could see the blood thrumming through the veins at her temple.

Over her shoulder he caught sight of a man. He was dressed in a tacky brown suit, had a large balding spot, and looked as though he was confused. Next to him was a small pedestal covered with a large arrangement of several different types of cheeses.

“I seem to be lost,” the man stated, “but since I’m here, I might as well say my line. Cheese is good for the soul, would you like some?”

Spike cocked his head slightly to the side, considering. “I never did like cheese all that much.”

The man took on a shocked expression. “I must have taken some horribly wrong turns. Usually people barely acknowledge me, let alone respond!”

Buffy’s struggling brought Spike back to the situation at hand and he grinned down at the fear filled slayer. “Now, now little girl: no trying to get away before I’ve had my fun.”

With that said he dove in.

flash

“I can’t be dealing with Count Sodding Dracula!” Giles spat out as he pulled out yet another box to be filled with some of the odds and ends that he had been storing in his extra bedroom. “I’ve got to get this room cleared before Friday.”

Buffy was taken aback by Giles brusque behavior. She had just come face to face with one of the most hellishly well known vampires and her watcher didn’t seem to even care!

“But Giles, it’s THE Dracula! I mean: Drac, evil vampire number uno came to the U.S. ‘cause he heard of little ol’ me. Doesn’t that make you even the slightest bit excited?” Buffy whined.

“Really, Buffy!” Giles huffed. Finally he relented and said, “If I weren’t so busy I’m absolutely positive that I would be jumping at the chance to find out more about him. I assure you.”

Buffy smiled, happy once again.

“So, Giles, what’s with all the packing?” Willow asked.

“I received a phone call from England yesterday evening. One of my relatives was killed and I was named legal guardian of their seventeen year old son,” Giles stated. He took a deep breath and leaned back against the bookshelf the he had acquired for his overflow of books. “I find it quite odd as I do not recognize the name they gave me in the least. I’ve received all the official papers though, so I’ve no reason to doubt it.”

“Maybe some demon decided to plant an undercover agent amongst us and—”

“Xander, do stop your blather,” Giles snapped. “Demons would never bring themselves so low as to disguise themselves as humans. Leading one to believe they are human is a completely different matter as to out and out saying they are a human. Some may be dumb but they are proud. Believe me, as soon as the boy arrives I plan on doing all the necessary spells to make sure that he is not some sorcerer or other such thing.”

“Ooh, can I help!?” Willow exclaimed excitedly.

“No you cannot,” Giles stated. “You are not yet advance enough. I am going to have to start working with you to find out your level of understanding. I don’t want you leaping into anything before you’re capable.”

flash

“A key?” Xander asked. “Like, stick it into a lock and open a door to a whole new world sort of key?”

Buffy nodded. “The monk dude died before I could ask any more but he did say that ‘it was sent to the Slayer so that she may protect it with her life.’ I figured that maybe it was a person type thing. I mean… Xander’s got that new room mate and there’s Tara and Trevor.”

Giles looked thoughtful. “It makes sense that it would be Trevor.”

“Why would you think it’s me and how does it make any bloody sense?” Trevor demanded.

“When you first arrived, I did a series of spells to detect what exactly you were,” Giles stated.

Trevor looked impatient. “Yeah, we all know that all ready!”

“Calm down, Snacks,” Spike purred from his spot near the cash register. “Bet you Watcher’s got a good point in all his talk.”

All eyes turned to Giles. The man blushed slightly before saying, “There was… something registering in the spells. It wasn’t exactly evil but it wasn’t good either. It appeared as though it had yet to be influenced into a certain category. Much like something newly created; a blood stone is much like that. Once it is found it can either be used as a charm with no definite purpose other than good karma or it can be the catalyst in a chaos spell.”

Everyone was silent for a long time.

“That totally sucks,” Trevor deemed.

flash

The Bronze was crowded, especially so considering it was a Wednesday night. The Scooby gang plus Tara, Trevor, and Andrew, Xander’s roommate, were all present. They were all gathered there to let off some major steam in the wake of the latest events.

After some intensive researched, furthered by the tomes that Buffy had gathered from the warehouse where the monk guy had died, several things had been found out. The key could be a really, really bad thing if certain people got their hands on it; certain people being a hell-god which had been banished from its dimension and sentenced to live out its existence in a physical being shared by a mortal human. Though this meant the god could die, it also meant that the god could remain living for the next few decades depending on the human’s health; if the human died then the god died. And vice versa, though the former was more probable.

“I so think that we are in the worst of all luck,” Xander stated from his seat between Spike and Trevor. “Who’da thunk three months ago that we would have to worry about offing a god?”

“I’d say three months ago that the bloody Watcher didn’t even have a relation by the name of Trevor Watkins,” Spike replied before taking a swig from his flask.

“Look on the bright side of things!” Andrew demanded. “At least you still have each other. Oh, I baked some cookies.”

“Run for cover! You know the end of the world is near when Andrew starts baking sweets,” Trevor muttered.

Spike suddenly jumped from his seat. “What am I thinking? I’m an evil, master vampire! I should be reveling in your gloom. Dancing over your misery. Shouting at your--”

“How’s about starving?” Xander asked. “If the shit hits the fan, humans and animals are the first to go and then you will die because there will be nothing left for you to feed on thanks to our loverly hell-god.”

Spike’s shoulders slumped. He was about to plop back down on the couch next to Xander when the girls came to a stop next to them.

“What’s with you guys?!” Buffy demanded. “This is the one night that Giles says we are allowed to act like the teenagers we are and forget all of our troubles and real life and all that. Go dance dammit!”

Spike glared at the blonde. “If you ruddy well expect me to dance with you---”

Trevor shot up. “I’ll dance with you!”

Buffy giggled and led the slightly younger boy to the dance floor. The music was deep and pulsating as the Dingoes played one of their more earthier songs written by Oz.

Just as Andrew opened his mouth, Spike grabbed up Xander and stated, “I’m going to dance and you’re dancing with me.”

Xander was pulled to the dance floor uttering protests and fighting Spike the whole way. It didn’t take much for Spike to get his arms around the boy but it did take a while to get a good rhythm going with Xander standing there acting like a wall. Thankfully, this was a longer song that had quite a long keyboard solo.

flash

Spike sat gulping down mug after mug of reheated human blood as he listened to Giles’ and Willow’s plan. He didn’t like it very much but it was their only chance. Willow had contacted the guy who had created the robot girlfriend – the sex-bot as dubbed by the rest of the group.

They were going to use a Buffy-bot with a Dagon sphere center to aid in their fight against Glory. According to Buffy, Glory’s kidnapping Spike had been the last straw. She was not going to stand by while the people that she interacted with – as she would not admit to being friends with Spike – were picked off.

They were going in to fight as soon as Giles, with the aid of both Willow and Wesley – who had decided to leave LA to help them – performed the spell to replicate the Dagon Sphere’s power. They were going to embed it in every inch of the Buffy-bot in hopes that it would weaken Glory enough to have her revert to her human form. From there Spike would do what he did best, drain the bint dry.

If that didn’t work, hopefully Buffy would be able to slow Glory down enough that they could all skip town and stay out of her radar until after whatever Glory was waiting for happened – without the key of course. Either way, a major battle was to be fought that weekend.

flash

The apartment was dark when Xander and Spike entered. After Spike had first disappeared, Andrew had left town. The only thing that he had left behind was a note saying that he couldn’t handle the loss of his friend. Spike had been amazed that Andrew had considered him a friend but hadn’t really been affected by the strange boy’s leaving.

Xander was putting the contents of the cooler that Giles had given him into the fridge. The many packages of human blood were in hopes that Spike’s strength would increase in time for the fight. None of the Scoobies knew that Spike had been drinking human blood as much as he could afford to since he had first found out about them fighting a hell-god.

The two of them moved into the living room and collapsed side by side on the couch.

“I can’t bloody believe that it may be the end of the world comin’ up,” Spike stated.

Xander ran a hand over his face. “I hate to break this to you, Bleach Boy, but the threat of the end of the world has been evident at least twice every year since I first met Buffy.”

Spike glared at the human. “I know that, you pillock. ‘M just sayin that this is that first time it feels like there’s a big chance we won’t come out on top like we are wont to do.”

They remained silent for a long time after that. Neither of them would be able to remember who moved first but Spike was the first to open his mouth to the kisses and Xander was the first to remove an article of clothing.

They moved together as if they had been doing this for years. They touched and kissed as though they had touched and kissed a million times before and knew exactly what they had to do to get a certain reaction.

When they were finally free of the boundaries of clothes, they both sighed in relief. They spent a long time just letting their flesh meld together. They kissed each other as if they were close lovers instead of two people just seeking out the comfort of another person’s touch.

The first time that they reached completion, neither of them were prepared for it. It snuck up on them, exploding so suddenly that they were left blinking in surprise. It had been too long for the both of them; they both knew and understood that. Xander was inside Spike the next time and vice versa for the third. For the fourth, they suckled each other in their mouths, capturing tastes that any other day they wouldn’t have thought necessary to know before they died.

As dawn broke, Spike slowly rocked inside Xander. He lay encased in the brunette’s tight embrace, barely moving except to stroke that one spot that caused Xander to clamp down on him. Their climax was a long time coming but when it cascaded over them it was slow and drawn out for a miraculously long time.

flash

The blood was the sweetest Spike had ever tasted. Slayer’ blood compared to this was like apple cider to JD. He had been slightly surprised that his chip hadn’t been set off by his killing the bloke – and what a surprise that had been when they had seen a guy Xander had called Jonathon appear instead of the bird like they had all been expecting. Knowing his luck the Watcher would come up with a reasonable explanation later and expect him to listen to it.

The fight hadn’t been easy. Buffy was out cold. The plan had been altered because she had been so worried about the Buffy-bot not being able to take on Glory on her own. The two of them had fought side by side – and hadn’t that been a seriously scary sight to see. Just as they were getting closer one of the Buffys was hit in the back of the head with a cement two by four by one of Glory’s minions. At first even Spike hadn’t been aware that it had been the live Buffy that had gone down. The bot’s yelling out about her getting her head smacked in had been the clue that they needed and Willow had run to the rescue.

The minions hadn’t lasted two minutes against the enraged witch after that.

Giles was sporting a gash in the abdomen and was being supported by Xander who was favoring his left hand a little too much. Trevor hadn’t gotten up after he had fallen down a flight of stairs thirty seconds into the battle. From the looks of it, poor Snacks had broken his ankle. Spike was probably the least affected by the battle.

He made his way over to where the group was congregated.

Buffy’s breathing was slightly off but her heart beat was steady so Spike ignored her. His eyes fell next on the witch supporting her head. The redhead looked like she hadn’t slept in a week and there was blood trailing from her nose. Every once in a while a spark would catch in the air around her.

Giles needed immediate medical attention and fast. The cut in his stomach hadn’t caught any internal organs but he was losing blood fast. Spike told everyone as much and they all got ready to head off to the hospital.

flash

Spike approached Xander in the waiting room. “You okay, Whelp?” he asked softly.

The boy looked up at him. There was pain in his eyes; they were all worried about Giles. The hospital staff refused to tell them anything other than that the man was out of surgery. The only one who knew what was happening was Trevor and they weren’t aloud to see the teen either.

“I so totally don’t need this,” Xander stated. “I thought that either Glory would die and it’d be over or Glory would win and it’d be over. I never considered the possibility of someone getting hurt so bad that they might not make it now that Glory’s gone. We usually all make it out of things without a visit to the hospital… at least whenever there aren’t any vampires involved.”

“I’m a vampire.”

“Vampires on the side against us involved,” Xander clarified. He shifted his sprained wrist and sighed. “It never fails, someone I love is at Death’s door and all I have to worry about is my fucking wrist.”

Spike cocked his head to the side in question.

Xander never got the chance to answer the unasked question as at that moment, Trevor came out in a wheelchair, his ankle cast propped up in the air.

“Giles is recovering,” the dark haired boy stated. “They’re pretty sure that he’s going to make it.”

~!~!~

I will never bloody well understand these dreams. Spike silently groused as he pulled on his jeans. His mind was reeling from the many images that he had witnessed. He stood and pulled out a cigarette. He considered lighting it for a moment but changed his mind almost immediately.

His Xander hated the smell of cigarette smoke. Stop right there! Since when did the Whelp become ‘my Xander’?

Spike lit the cigarette, took one drag, and crushed it out. One bloody dream and I turn into a sodding nancy boy!

Growling, Spike stalked over to the door of his crypt. He was walking into the fresh night air when another thought hit him. “And what was the bloody deal with the guy and the cheese!?” he demanded out loud