Broken

Title: Broken

Author: CaliaDragon

Fandom: Buffy

Pairing: Xander/?/?

Category: Angst, AU

Warnings: Mentions of Abuse, angst

Archive: Any list I send it to, those with prior consent.  Beyond Canon

Feedback: On list or at Caliadragon@gmail.com

Part: 1/1

Disclaimer: Not Mine.

AN: This was a dark fic I wrote a ways back and decided to send to the lists.

Broken. It was such a harsh word, a word that described so many things. A broken vase, a broken bike, a broken nose, a broken arm, a broken mind. A broken woman who finally followed her husband into the bottle after trying to fight the call for to many years.

He had seen so many different kinds of broken. He knew the harsh reality of the word by the time he was five. That was the first time he had seen the man he called Daddy break his Mommy's arm. Unfortunately it wasn't the first time he was to see that sight.

He learned the word broken in another context when he turned twelve and his father decided it was time that he was broken in an another way. His arm was broken as he tried to run and his father laughed as he lay under the grunting shifting mass that tore at him and broke his mind just a little.

When he was fifteen he learned the meaning of a broken heart as he stood staring at the ashes that were once the only male that he had ever loved. As he stared down at the pile of dust that had been his best friend his mind broke a little bit more.

When he was sixteen he learned that he could break others when he was possessed by a creature that craved violence and sex. And yet again a little part of his mind broke over what he had nearly become.

When he was sixteen he learned that he could break others hearts. It was necessary but it broke him just the same to watch her walk away with eyes shattered by pain. And this time it wasn't his mind that broke, for the creature he sent her to kill had done that for him just days before in an ally as it pretended to be his father.

When he was seventeen he learned that he could break his word as well as hearts. The spell had made him love the other half of his heart in a way he had never thought to love before. It cost him his girl friend and his best friend, but in the end it was for the best. As the school burned away he knew that his cheerleader would leave the town far behind and maybe she would live and find someone to truly love her.

When he was seventeen he learned he could break out of the mold designed for him and that he could love without the pain that his father and the creature had taught him. He learned that he could make others want him and that he could break away from the course that he was set to walk.

When he was eighteen he learned yet again the power of a broken heart as he was pushed aside yet again, by the other part of his heart. His heart broke and he broke out of the town he had foolishly returned to.

When he was eighteen he learned that the past can break away and be let go. He learned that he was worthy of love and peace. He learned that what was broken could be healed with the right one to hold you.

When he was eighteen he learned that stereo types and grudges could be broken and a family created with those you never planned to spend any time with ever again.

Looking around him, in the arms of the two people that had healed him Xander Harris broke into a smile and kissed each of his lovers with all the emotion that lived inside of him. When Faith and Doyle asked him what he was thinking about Xander merely smiled and whispered the word, "Broken."

The End