Wherever You Will Go

Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to btvs or ats, Joss does (unfortunately for me, lol) :P

"Buffy!"

Buffy's head snapped toward the direction of Spike's pained cry, immediately alarmed by the desperate tone in his voice, a tone she had never heard him use. He was brave, a hero and a champion who rarely gave in to pain or fear. So to hear him cry out in such an urgent manner had Buffy fearing the worst.

"Spike!" She cried, terrified for him as she saw a brilliant orange light shoot from the amulet, Spike caught in its radiance as it single-handedly dusted every Turok-Han in the Hellmouth and the earth began to rumble ominously.

She heard Faith's orders echo, clear and commanding, "Everybody out now!"

But at the sight of Spike's condition Buffy's heart skipped, her stomach clenched, and she dashed to Spike's side in haste, Faith's demand falling on deaf ears. Buffy watched helplessly while Spike trembled from a pain the growing power of the amulet bestowed upon him.

It was then that she knew. She could see it in his eyes, could feel it in her soul.

Spike was going to die.

The man who had stuck by her though thick and thin, who believed in her even when she found it hard to believe in herself, who had been through hell and back to become worthy of her love, who now stood before her drenched in light, willing to make the ultimate sacrifice.

The man that she loved.

But as she reached for his hand, trying to interlace her fingers through his, she gasped in horror as it crumbled to dust before her eyes; skin, muscle, and bone disintegrating under her touch.

Her champion. Her friend. Her love.

Reduced to a pile of ashes.


It was the same dream Buffy had been having since that fateful day.

She saw their last moments together over and over again in her dreams, the fire dancing before her eyes. It always ended the same way: hands torn apart, watching him melt away, seeing his skin slowly fade to ashes that scattered throughout the Hellmouth.

Spike would have wanted her to be happy. She knew that.

And she was proud of him for all he had accomplished, for being the champion she always knew he was. But her heart still ached from her loss. She wondered where he was now, if he could see her, and witness the pain she was feeling.

Her resolve to be happy had crumbled almost the second the bus pulled away from the gargantuan crater formerly known as Sunnydale. It was then the tears started flowing, and at the time she didn't know if they would ever stop.

Of course, she did stop the crying eventually, but never the hurting. Not completely.

Buffy loved her friends and family, loved her new found freedom from the slayer burden, loved the whole new world of opportunities opened to her as a result. In all, life was good. It was now pleasant and peaceful, surrounded by loved ones, not much to complain about.

But she still felt incomplete, like a piece of her was missing. There were times when she'd be laughing with her friends, enjoying a night on the town, when she could forget the emptiness inside. But the second she'd arrive home and slide under the covers, the familiar ache would return in a flash, hitting her like a steel weight.

Even though Buffy was dating the Immortal, who her well-meaning, though meddlesome, friends had set her up with in an attempt to help her move on, to help her forget about Spike.

As if she ever could.

The Immortal was interesting and intelligent... Or, maybe intriguing was a bit of a better word, as he was still a bit of an enigma, even to her.

Mysterious black clad hunk of the night? Check.
Dynamic personality? Check.
Knows how to party? Major checkage.

Buffy couldn't help the initial attraction she felt for him, and he provided her with exactly what she needed; an escape. He treated her well, he made her laugh, and in all, she felt happier when she was with him.

But she was never in love with him.

Which is why she decided to break up with him. She told him she still wanted to be friends, that she enjoyed his company, but that he deserved more. He deserved someone who could reciprocate his feelings, which Buffy couldn't. At least not right then.

Though she could never really read his reactions, but he seemed to take the news pretty well... or, so she thought. Not that she expected him to be devastated about the break up anyway, as she knew at the beginning of their relationship that he wasn't exactly the type who loved being tied down.

Scared of commitment? Maybe.

Which was definitely something that Buffy could relate, as she too had once been afraid of the complications and possible outcomes attached to a serious relationship. It was too risky. Open your heart, just to have it trampled on, abused, broken. It was too much to ask. At least, it had been at the time, because she wasn't ready.

But she was now.

Things were different. Yet still she found herself yearning for more, despite knowing she should move on. But something deep down in her gut told her she couldn't just yet. She sensed something, could feel something coming, and it shook her straight to the core. A mere whisper of a thought in the back of her mind that refused to cease, despite her best efforts.

Her friends would think it was a pipe dream, an unhealthy hope and obsession, so she kept it to herself. For now, at least.

Buffy wandered outside to the balcony, leaning against the railing as she hugged her robe tighter around her body. Every night she looked up to the sky, gazing at the stars bright against the darkness of night, and wondered if somewhere at that very moment, by some miracle, Spike was doing the exact same thing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The stars twinkled brightly in the sky. Spike sat on the steps, moonlight glistening in his platinum hair as he took a drag of his cigarette and blew out a puff of smoke, watched as it swirled and dissipated in the breeze. He tilted his head, observing the sparkling orbs as he watched them glimmer, bright and serene.

Drusilla had always loved the stars. She pretended to see them even when she was indoors, during the daytime. For years after she left him for the chaos demon, Spike used to do this exact thing, pining for her as he gazed at the stars and wallowed in his own misery.

But as he looked up to the stars now, Drusilla wasn't even a fleeting thought in his mind. The cool breeze seemed to beckon to him, a faint whisper, repeating over and over again the one thing he felt would never cease to preoccupy his mind so readily.

Buffy.

The woman he loved, who would have his heart until the end of time.

And within the next three days, he was going to see her again.

He had made the decision to go to her after the battle with the senior partners. He knew she was with the Immortal now, living in Rome, and he didn't expect to start a relationship with her, still didn't feel worthy of that. She had moved on, and she was happy. He was glad for her, hoping she would be radiant when he saw her, glowing.

Effulgent.

Part of him still wanted to back out of going, so he could still be remembered as the hero Buffy wanted him to be. And besides, especially after going out in a blaze of glory, he didn't want to just show up in her life now only to complicate things.

Another nagging thought refused to cease tormenting Spike's mind. Did Buffy really love him?

He'd thought she was sincere when she told him in the Hellmouth, saw that she was willing to stay there with him despite the crumbling walls that threatened to crush her at any moment. And he wanted to believe it with every fiber of his being.

But he started having doubts during his time at Wolfram and Hart.

Was what Andrew said true? Was she actually in love with him?

He needed to know. Though part of him was still terrified to discover the truth, and what exactly the implications of those three little words could mean for him.

But after he almost died in that gruesome battle just three weeks ago, he felt he owed it to her to tell her everything, to give their relationship at least some closure before it was too late. Plus, Spike also had the highly undesirable task of bearing bad news, horrible news that twisted his insides when he thought of the pain Buffy would feel upon hearing it.

Angel was dead. He had been slain in the battle.

Damned fire breathing dragon was what got him. Spike shuddered as he recalled the vision of his grand-sire set aflame, dying before his eyes. Even while he was burning, Angel managed to deliver the coup-de-grace, sinking his sword into the dragon's throat just before he dissolved into ashes.

Spike felt he owed Buffy more than a phone call to tell her something of this magnitude. He wanted to make sure she knew Angel died a hero, brave and valiant as he went down fighting, never ceasing in his efforts. Spike mourned the loss of his grand-sire. Granted, the great poof had been a bloody thorn in his side most of the time, and he often resented him for his condescending attitude. But he still respected him, knew that deep down he was a good, noble man, though a royal pain in the ass.

Spike shifted his position to ground out the cigarette stub beneath his boot, his black duster rustling against the steps as he fidgeted. He silently cursed the senior partners as he thought of all the damage they had done.

'I hope the whole lot of 'em are rotting in Hell for what they did, the whole damned bunch.' He thought bitterly.

Spike suddenly realized the sun was beginning to make its presence known, light slowly creeping into the sky as dawn approached. He stood, spun on his heel and walked inside to escape the sun's rays, thinking of the journey ahead of him.

'Well Goldilocks', he thought wistfully, 'Hope you're open for visitors.'


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N:This story is PG-13 for now, but it will eventually be NC-17... in due time, lol. Anyway, hope you like this so far. Please Review! :-)