Seeing something different
folder
-Buffy the Vampire Slayer › Het - Male/Female › Buffy/Spike(William)
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
2
Views:
3,246
Reviews:
6
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
-Buffy the Vampire Slayer › Het - Male/Female › Buffy/Spike(William)
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
2
Views:
3,246
Reviews:
6
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Seeing something different
What is this…you may ask…I have started yet another story and Yes, it is another re-write of Entrophy/Seeing red. It just wouldn’t leave me alone. Let me know if you like it. Az.
To readers of all of my other stories…I have NOT abandoned them, my computer died on me and I couldn’t get it going again no matter what I tried, so a sledgehammer and new hard disk later here we are ;). I will continue each and every one of them until complete, and since I lost ALL of my data I must follow my muses lead.
REVIEWS make me want to type until my fingers are little bloody stumps.
Disclaimer: I own NOTHING Joss is king of the Buffyverse. Lucky bastard.
Rating: NC-17. Please do not read if you are not old enough, it contains GRAPHIC sex scenes. You have been warned. If this offends you please GO ELSEWHERE!!!
Spike is a Vampire so of course there will be biting.
Feedback: YES PLEASE!!! You can send it to azrielle6969@yahoo.com.
Archiving: Yeah no problem, just let me know where it’s going.
Happy reading.
Summary: I did NOT like the ‘Spike and Anya’ bit. I wanted to see where I could take things. The changes will start once Spike goes into the magic box seeking something…so here goes…
Seeing something different
“What's this?” Spike asked turning the object over in his hands, looking at it from different angles.
”It's a camera.” She said flippantly tossing her golden hair over her shoulder and glaring at him.
“Yeah, I got that part. Why am I holding it?” He asked looking up into her tired green eyes.
”Someone was using it to spy on me. On my house. Xander thinks it's you.” She wrapped her arms around herself and turned from him, walking a few steps away. ‘Please convince me it’s not.’
”Oh, the great Xander thinks so! Shudder gasp! It must be true!” Spike said angrily tossing the camera against the crypt wall smashing it into tiny pieces. ‘She’s always listening to that stupid git instead of her own heart.’
”Spike…” Buffy said softly taking a few steps towards him.
”That ponce has always had it for me. Every chance he gets, he sticks it…” he growled angrily, suddenly he stopped, as if something had become clear to him when he looked into her eyes. “You believe him, don't you? You think I was spying on you. You think I could do that?” He sighed softly, shaking his head he turned away from her, not being able to take the truth in her eyes. ‘Bint still only sees me as a monster, ‘t’s all she’ll ever see.’
”Because you don't lie or cheat or steal or manipulate…” Buffy rolled her eyes, arms crossed in front of herself protectively.
”I don't hurt you.” He said quietly, almost defeated.
”I know.” She said just as softly. ‘I know and I’m sorry, it’s just the way I am. I’m trying to change, please let that be enough.’
”No, you don't. I've tried to make it clear to you, but you won't see it. Something happened to me. The way I feel... about you... It's different. No matter how hard you try to convince yourself it isn't. It's real.” Spike said angrily, turning in her direction once again, unable (or unwilling) to keep his eyes from her. ‘Tried so hard to make you see how much I love you.’
”I think it is.” She said gently. “For you.” Looking steadily into his eyes she continued. “I know that's not what you want to hear. I'm sorry. I really am. But, Spike, you have to move on. You have to get over…”
”Get out.” Spike growled seethingly. Buffy could feel the anger radiating off of him in waves. She hadn’t felt that directed at her from Spike for a really long time. It kind of stunned her. She turned and fled his crypt with tears threatening to fall. ‘What the hell? Why do I suddenly care if he’s angry at me?’ She wondered even as she ran for the safety of her bed.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
“Here. Ladies last.” Spike murmured as he poured the last shot from the bottle into Anya’s shot glass.
”Thank you.” She said grinning up at him.
”Take it quick or my chivalry'll run out.”
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
“I think I got the Magic Box.” Willow glanced up at Buffy before continuing her task. “Spike and Anya are there…I’m gonna see if I can get sound…” She stood up suddenly and pushed herself away from the table, just as Anya’ voice filled the room.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
”No…” She gripped his hand tightly and looked into his eyes. “Thank you. This is the first time since... It feels good to be with someone who understands.” She said honestly.
”Intimately.” Spike murmured ruefully.
”This whole time, I've been coming on all hell bent and mad. Wanting his head you know?”
”Yeah.”
”When, really, I ... can't sleep at night, thinking that... it has to be my fault, somehow…I don’t know what I did to make him stop loving me…” She sobbed resting her head against his shoulder.
”Shhhhh…”
” What if he was just pretending? What if he never wanted me, the way I wanted him... Oh, God... I'm sorry.”
“Now now... He would have to be more than just the git he is, Anya. He'd have to be deaf, dumb and blind not to want a woman like you, that ponce loves you. He’s in just as much pain as you are the way some people tell it. He’s a scared insecure boy who loves you…” Spike said tenderly wiping away her tears.
”Then why?”
“Don’t know do I pet?” Spike whispered against her hair. “At least Xander loves you…believes your feelings are real…at least he feels you’re worthy of his love.”
“Spike…I’m sure you’re girl…” Anya started to say as she pulled back from him.
“She’s not even my girl...wouldn’t lower herself…She doesn’t see me, not really. All she sees is the monster. There’s no spark in me, no missing piece… She makes me weak and strong at the same time…Thinking of her, holding myself and spilling useless buckets of
salt over her…She was only with me to punish herself…and now she wants me to just move on…as if it’s that simple…”
“I’m sure she…”
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
“Who is he talking about?”
Willow glanced at Xander, trying desperately to stop him from making Buffy feel worse. She quickly glanced at Buffy and saw the look on her face.
Her eyes were drawn back to the screen as Spike started to speak. “I got a way to fix it though I have to leave…” The rest of his words were cut off when a loud snapping sound made the screen in front of them flash brightly and then go blank.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
“Buffy...” Willow took a few steps towards her friend.
“What happened? Can you get that back?”
“I don’t know…don’t panic…let me see what I can do…” Willow said as she reached for her laptop.
“YOU? Xander questioned shrilly. “He was talking about you Buff? You let that evil, soulless thing touch you.” He backed away a few steps. “I can’t even look at you right now… I look at you - and I feel sick - 'cause you had sex with that. All those times I told Spike to get lost, that he didn't have a chance with a girl like you... “ He laughed bitterly, kicking himself for being such a fool.
”You don't know how hard it's been.” Buffy said covering her face with her hands and letting the tears fall. “Trying to live up to your standards.
”What, lying to me?” Xander asked angrily.
”Being here. After I was brought back... You have no idea how hard it is just being here.” Buffy said softly.
”You could have told me.” Xander said softening and taking her into his arms.
”You didn't want to know.” She sniffled wiping her eyes. The truth of those softly spoken words cut Xander to the bone.
”So you went to him instead?” Xander asked getting angry again.
“Xander, what I do with my personal life is none of your business.” She said pulling out of his embrace.
”It used to be.” He said sadly.
”I’m an adult Xander, and who I chose to spend my time with…”
“Even if it’s with a blood sucking fiend? Oh, like…Spike, you're a vampire. Get on me.?"
”You fought side by side with him when I was gone. You let him take care of Dawn…” Buffy growled angrily.
”But I never forgot what he really is. God, what were you thinking?”
”You're asking me that? Oh, 'cause your decision making skills have really sparkled lately.”
”I'm not saying I didn't made mistakes. But last time I checked, slaughtering half of Europe wasn't one of 'em. He doesn't have a soul, Buffy. Just some leash they jammed in his head. You think he'd still be all snuggles if that chip ever stopped working? Would you still trust him with Dawn then?” Xander asked taking a step closer to her.
”It doesn't matter. I'm not seeing him anymore. It's over.”
”Yeah. Lot of that going around.”
“I…I can’t get anything…” Willow said softly, bringing Buffy’s eyes to rest on her.
“Willow…I have to…he can’t…”
“You’re gonna go try to stop him from leaving? He should leave.” Xander said angrily.
“I… I love him Xander…oh god! I do! I can’t believe I’m telling you before I tell him, but I’m tired of you bashing him. He’s been here for the last 2 years, fighting on our side. He loves me Xander…do you really think his chip makes him patrol with me? Do you think it makes him literally rip to pieces anything that gets too close to me…do you think when I get hurt…”
“I don’t want to know this, I don't want to know any of this” Xander said angrily as he slammed the door behind himself on his way out the front door.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
“I’m nothing, less than nothing…just a thing…”
“Hey. Come on now, Mr. Negative. You never know what's just around the corner. Things change.”
”They do.” He looked directly into Anya’s eyes. “If you make them.”
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Buffy couldn’t handle the way Willow and Dawn were watching her. She was pacing like a caged animal. Dawn opened her mouth to say something, but Buffy beat her to it. “I have to patrol. I’ll see you guy’s later…”
She practicly ran all the way to the magic box. She stood outside for a moment to catch her breath. When she entered the store she was shocked to her core at the sight before her eyes.
‘Well at least someone’s happy.’ She walked back out without interrupting the couple. ‘I’m sure they didn’t hear me.’ Buffy shut the door silently behind herself. She closed her eyes and shook her head, trying to clear the image of Anya and Xander, entwined naked on top of the magic box table.
She made her way towards Spike’s crypt.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
“You’re sure it’s not a problem mate?” Spike asked pulling the duffel bag higher on his shoulder.
“You have cable.” Clem grinned. “Take your time man. I’ll stay as long as you want.”
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Buffy knocked lightly on the door. She gasped in surprise when Clem answered the door.
“Buffy. Nice to see you.” Clem said enthusiasticly. “Would you like a cheese doodle?” He asked holding out the bag.
“No…no thanks…I was just…looking for Spike.”
“Oh…uh well…he’s…he’s gone…didn’t he stop by to tell you he was leaving?” Clem asked.
“I wasn’t home…” She sighed. “I guess I’ll head there…see if he stopped by…”
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Spike was nowhere to be found. Buffy entered the bathroom in a bathrobe. She grimaced at the twinge of pain in her lower back as she leaned down to start the water.
”You hurt?” Spike asked leaning against the doorframe.
Buffy gasped. She looked up at Spike, ”I thought you were leaving.” She said softly, turning her head from him.
“I wanted to tell you…”
”Goodbye?” She asked angrily.
“I'm sorry.” Spike said softly.
The sincerity in his voice affected Buffy despite her anger and hurt.
“Not that it matters now. But I needed you to know that. Before I leave…”
“Leave?” She cringed at the pitiful whine that came out of her mouth. “Why?”
”Because I care about you.”
”Then you might want to try the not leaving. Oh wait. Don’t tell me…your doing it for my own good.”
“No. I’m doing it for mine. I have to Buffy. You’ll never see me as anything but a moster…I have to do this…” He leaned down and kissed her softly on the top of her head. He turned and left, shutting the door silently behind himself.
Buffy sat on the edge of the tub and cried, shamed that she let the man she loved walk out of her life when she should and could have begged him to stay.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
“Bit?” Spike called as he tapped lightly on the door.
“Spike? Come in.” Dawn said groggily sitting up and rubbing her eyes.
“Hey sleepyhead. Just stopped by to tell you I am going away for a bit…” Spike said softly.
“What? Where are you going?” She panicked.
“Just away for a little while.”
“But you’re coming back?”
“Yeah. Promise. Just have something to do…” Spike hugged her tight. “I’ll see you bit.”
She nodded against his chest as she hugged him back.
Spike left her room and stood outside the bathroom for a while, listening to Buffy cry. ‘I know you feel something for me
Buffy, but I know you’ll never admit it until I’m all soul having.’ It was with that determined thought that Spike left the Summer’s home. He was on his way to Africa, to see a demon he had heard of by the name of Lurky..
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Buffy finished her bath and went to her room. She pushed play on her cd player and listened to the familiar song, and cried again harder, thinking of all of the things she did to Spike, the reasons she gave him to leave. And the one she didn’t give him to make him stay.
I'm full of regret
For all the things that I have done and said
And I don't know if I'll ever be ok to show
My face around you
Sometimes I wonder if you disappear
Would I even turn my head and look
See if you’re gone
Cause I fear
There is nothing to say to you
That you wanna hear
That you wanna know
I don’t think you should go but
The things I've done are way too shameful for you to want to stay
You're just a vampire
A helpless victim of a slayers web
And I'm the slayer
Going after anything that is undead
So you better turn your head and run
and don't look back
Cause I fear
There is nothing to say to you
That you wanna hear
That you wanna know
I don’t think you should go but
The things I've done are way too shameful for you to want to stay
And I've done you so wrong
Treated you bad
Strung you along
Oh, shame on myself
I don't know how I got so tangled up
I better turn my head and look
See if you’re gone
Cause I fear
There is nothing to say to you
That you wanna hear
That you wanna know
I don’t think you should go but
The things I've done are way too shameful for you to want to stay
And I've done you so wrong
Treated you bad
Strung you along
Oh, shame on myself
I don't know how I got so tangled up
Tangled!
And I've done you so wrong
Treated you bad
Strung you along
Oh, shame on myself
I don't know how I got so tangled up
End part ONE.
The Song in this chapter is a MODIFIED “Tangled” By Maroon 5. I have changed MANY of the words to make it fit.
To readers of all of my other stories…I have NOT abandoned them, my computer died on me and I couldn’t get it going again no matter what I tried, so a sledgehammer and new hard disk later here we are ;). I will continue each and every one of them until complete, and since I lost ALL of my data I must follow my muses lead.
REVIEWS make me want to type until my fingers are little bloody stumps.
Disclaimer: I own NOTHING Joss is king of the Buffyverse. Lucky bastard.
Rating: NC-17. Please do not read if you are not old enough, it contains GRAPHIC sex scenes. You have been warned. If this offends you please GO ELSEWHERE!!!
Spike is a Vampire so of course there will be biting.
Feedback: YES PLEASE!!! You can send it to azrielle6969@yahoo.com.
Archiving: Yeah no problem, just let me know where it’s going.
Happy reading.
Summary: I did NOT like the ‘Spike and Anya’ bit. I wanted to see where I could take things. The changes will start once Spike goes into the magic box seeking something…so here goes…
Seeing something different
“What's this?” Spike asked turning the object over in his hands, looking at it from different angles.
”It's a camera.” She said flippantly tossing her golden hair over her shoulder and glaring at him.
“Yeah, I got that part. Why am I holding it?” He asked looking up into her tired green eyes.
”Someone was using it to spy on me. On my house. Xander thinks it's you.” She wrapped her arms around herself and turned from him, walking a few steps away. ‘Please convince me it’s not.’
”Oh, the great Xander thinks so! Shudder gasp! It must be true!” Spike said angrily tossing the camera against the crypt wall smashing it into tiny pieces. ‘She’s always listening to that stupid git instead of her own heart.’
”Spike…” Buffy said softly taking a few steps towards him.
”That ponce has always had it for me. Every chance he gets, he sticks it…” he growled angrily, suddenly he stopped, as if something had become clear to him when he looked into her eyes. “You believe him, don't you? You think I was spying on you. You think I could do that?” He sighed softly, shaking his head he turned away from her, not being able to take the truth in her eyes. ‘Bint still only sees me as a monster, ‘t’s all she’ll ever see.’
”Because you don't lie or cheat or steal or manipulate…” Buffy rolled her eyes, arms crossed in front of herself protectively.
”I don't hurt you.” He said quietly, almost defeated.
”I know.” She said just as softly. ‘I know and I’m sorry, it’s just the way I am. I’m trying to change, please let that be enough.’
”No, you don't. I've tried to make it clear to you, but you won't see it. Something happened to me. The way I feel... about you... It's different. No matter how hard you try to convince yourself it isn't. It's real.” Spike said angrily, turning in her direction once again, unable (or unwilling) to keep his eyes from her. ‘Tried so hard to make you see how much I love you.’
”I think it is.” She said gently. “For you.” Looking steadily into his eyes she continued. “I know that's not what you want to hear. I'm sorry. I really am. But, Spike, you have to move on. You have to get over…”
”Get out.” Spike growled seethingly. Buffy could feel the anger radiating off of him in waves. She hadn’t felt that directed at her from Spike for a really long time. It kind of stunned her. She turned and fled his crypt with tears threatening to fall. ‘What the hell? Why do I suddenly care if he’s angry at me?’ She wondered even as she ran for the safety of her bed.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
“Here. Ladies last.” Spike murmured as he poured the last shot from the bottle into Anya’s shot glass.
”Thank you.” She said grinning up at him.
”Take it quick or my chivalry'll run out.”
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
“I think I got the Magic Box.” Willow glanced up at Buffy before continuing her task. “Spike and Anya are there…I’m gonna see if I can get sound…” She stood up suddenly and pushed herself away from the table, just as Anya’ voice filled the room.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
”No…” She gripped his hand tightly and looked into his eyes. “Thank you. This is the first time since... It feels good to be with someone who understands.” She said honestly.
”Intimately.” Spike murmured ruefully.
”This whole time, I've been coming on all hell bent and mad. Wanting his head you know?”
”Yeah.”
”When, really, I ... can't sleep at night, thinking that... it has to be my fault, somehow…I don’t know what I did to make him stop loving me…” She sobbed resting her head against his shoulder.
”Shhhhh…”
” What if he was just pretending? What if he never wanted me, the way I wanted him... Oh, God... I'm sorry.”
“Now now... He would have to be more than just the git he is, Anya. He'd have to be deaf, dumb and blind not to want a woman like you, that ponce loves you. He’s in just as much pain as you are the way some people tell it. He’s a scared insecure boy who loves you…” Spike said tenderly wiping away her tears.
”Then why?”
“Don’t know do I pet?” Spike whispered against her hair. “At least Xander loves you…believes your feelings are real…at least he feels you’re worthy of his love.”
“Spike…I’m sure you’re girl…” Anya started to say as she pulled back from him.
“She’s not even my girl...wouldn’t lower herself…She doesn’t see me, not really. All she sees is the monster. There’s no spark in me, no missing piece… She makes me weak and strong at the same time…Thinking of her, holding myself and spilling useless buckets of
salt over her…She was only with me to punish herself…and now she wants me to just move on…as if it’s that simple…”
“I’m sure she…”
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
“Who is he talking about?”
Willow glanced at Xander, trying desperately to stop him from making Buffy feel worse. She quickly glanced at Buffy and saw the look on her face.
Her eyes were drawn back to the screen as Spike started to speak. “I got a way to fix it though I have to leave…” The rest of his words were cut off when a loud snapping sound made the screen in front of them flash brightly and then go blank.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
“Buffy...” Willow took a few steps towards her friend.
“What happened? Can you get that back?”
“I don’t know…don’t panic…let me see what I can do…” Willow said as she reached for her laptop.
“YOU? Xander questioned shrilly. “He was talking about you Buff? You let that evil, soulless thing touch you.” He backed away a few steps. “I can’t even look at you right now… I look at you - and I feel sick - 'cause you had sex with that. All those times I told Spike to get lost, that he didn't have a chance with a girl like you... “ He laughed bitterly, kicking himself for being such a fool.
”You don't know how hard it's been.” Buffy said covering her face with her hands and letting the tears fall. “Trying to live up to your standards.
”What, lying to me?” Xander asked angrily.
”Being here. After I was brought back... You have no idea how hard it is just being here.” Buffy said softly.
”You could have told me.” Xander said softening and taking her into his arms.
”You didn't want to know.” She sniffled wiping her eyes. The truth of those softly spoken words cut Xander to the bone.
”So you went to him instead?” Xander asked getting angry again.
“Xander, what I do with my personal life is none of your business.” She said pulling out of his embrace.
”It used to be.” He said sadly.
”I’m an adult Xander, and who I chose to spend my time with…”
“Even if it’s with a blood sucking fiend? Oh, like…Spike, you're a vampire. Get on me.?"
”You fought side by side with him when I was gone. You let him take care of Dawn…” Buffy growled angrily.
”But I never forgot what he really is. God, what were you thinking?”
”You're asking me that? Oh, 'cause your decision making skills have really sparkled lately.”
”I'm not saying I didn't made mistakes. But last time I checked, slaughtering half of Europe wasn't one of 'em. He doesn't have a soul, Buffy. Just some leash they jammed in his head. You think he'd still be all snuggles if that chip ever stopped working? Would you still trust him with Dawn then?” Xander asked taking a step closer to her.
”It doesn't matter. I'm not seeing him anymore. It's over.”
”Yeah. Lot of that going around.”
“I…I can’t get anything…” Willow said softly, bringing Buffy’s eyes to rest on her.
“Willow…I have to…he can’t…”
“You’re gonna go try to stop him from leaving? He should leave.” Xander said angrily.
“I… I love him Xander…oh god! I do! I can’t believe I’m telling you before I tell him, but I’m tired of you bashing him. He’s been here for the last 2 years, fighting on our side. He loves me Xander…do you really think his chip makes him patrol with me? Do you think it makes him literally rip to pieces anything that gets too close to me…do you think when I get hurt…”
“I don’t want to know this, I don't want to know any of this” Xander said angrily as he slammed the door behind himself on his way out the front door.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
“I’m nothing, less than nothing…just a thing…”
“Hey. Come on now, Mr. Negative. You never know what's just around the corner. Things change.”
”They do.” He looked directly into Anya’s eyes. “If you make them.”
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Buffy couldn’t handle the way Willow and Dawn were watching her. She was pacing like a caged animal. Dawn opened her mouth to say something, but Buffy beat her to it. “I have to patrol. I’ll see you guy’s later…”
She practicly ran all the way to the magic box. She stood outside for a moment to catch her breath. When she entered the store she was shocked to her core at the sight before her eyes.
‘Well at least someone’s happy.’ She walked back out without interrupting the couple. ‘I’m sure they didn’t hear me.’ Buffy shut the door silently behind herself. She closed her eyes and shook her head, trying to clear the image of Anya and Xander, entwined naked on top of the magic box table.
She made her way towards Spike’s crypt.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
“You’re sure it’s not a problem mate?” Spike asked pulling the duffel bag higher on his shoulder.
“You have cable.” Clem grinned. “Take your time man. I’ll stay as long as you want.”
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Buffy knocked lightly on the door. She gasped in surprise when Clem answered the door.
“Buffy. Nice to see you.” Clem said enthusiasticly. “Would you like a cheese doodle?” He asked holding out the bag.
“No…no thanks…I was just…looking for Spike.”
“Oh…uh well…he’s…he’s gone…didn’t he stop by to tell you he was leaving?” Clem asked.
“I wasn’t home…” She sighed. “I guess I’ll head there…see if he stopped by…”
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Spike was nowhere to be found. Buffy entered the bathroom in a bathrobe. She grimaced at the twinge of pain in her lower back as she leaned down to start the water.
”You hurt?” Spike asked leaning against the doorframe.
Buffy gasped. She looked up at Spike, ”I thought you were leaving.” She said softly, turning her head from him.
“I wanted to tell you…”
”Goodbye?” She asked angrily.
“I'm sorry.” Spike said softly.
The sincerity in his voice affected Buffy despite her anger and hurt.
“Not that it matters now. But I needed you to know that. Before I leave…”
“Leave?” She cringed at the pitiful whine that came out of her mouth. “Why?”
”Because I care about you.”
”Then you might want to try the not leaving. Oh wait. Don’t tell me…your doing it for my own good.”
“No. I’m doing it for mine. I have to Buffy. You’ll never see me as anything but a moster…I have to do this…” He leaned down and kissed her softly on the top of her head. He turned and left, shutting the door silently behind himself.
Buffy sat on the edge of the tub and cried, shamed that she let the man she loved walk out of her life when she should and could have begged him to stay.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
“Bit?” Spike called as he tapped lightly on the door.
“Spike? Come in.” Dawn said groggily sitting up and rubbing her eyes.
“Hey sleepyhead. Just stopped by to tell you I am going away for a bit…” Spike said softly.
“What? Where are you going?” She panicked.
“Just away for a little while.”
“But you’re coming back?”
“Yeah. Promise. Just have something to do…” Spike hugged her tight. “I’ll see you bit.”
She nodded against his chest as she hugged him back.
Spike left her room and stood outside the bathroom for a while, listening to Buffy cry. ‘I know you feel something for me
Buffy, but I know you’ll never admit it until I’m all soul having.’ It was with that determined thought that Spike left the Summer’s home. He was on his way to Africa, to see a demon he had heard of by the name of Lurky..
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Buffy finished her bath and went to her room. She pushed play on her cd player and listened to the familiar song, and cried again harder, thinking of all of the things she did to Spike, the reasons she gave him to leave. And the one she didn’t give him to make him stay.
I'm full of regret
For all the things that I have done and said
And I don't know if I'll ever be ok to show
My face around you
Sometimes I wonder if you disappear
Would I even turn my head and look
See if you’re gone
Cause I fear
There is nothing to say to you
That you wanna hear
That you wanna know
I don’t think you should go but
The things I've done are way too shameful for you to want to stay
You're just a vampire
A helpless victim of a slayers web
And I'm the slayer
Going after anything that is undead
So you better turn your head and run
and don't look back
Cause I fear
There is nothing to say to you
That you wanna hear
That you wanna know
I don’t think you should go but
The things I've done are way too shameful for you to want to stay
And I've done you so wrong
Treated you bad
Strung you along
Oh, shame on myself
I don't know how I got so tangled up
I better turn my head and look
See if you’re gone
Cause I fear
There is nothing to say to you
That you wanna hear
That you wanna know
I don’t think you should go but
The things I've done are way too shameful for you to want to stay
And I've done you so wrong
Treated you bad
Strung you along
Oh, shame on myself
I don't know how I got so tangled up
Tangled!
And I've done you so wrong
Treated you bad
Strung you along
Oh, shame on myself
I don't know how I got so tangled up
End part ONE.
The Song in this chapter is a MODIFIED “Tangled” By Maroon 5. I have changed MANY of the words to make it fit.